November 2nd
I didn't think it would be so soon after Halloween that Quirrell would be back to his idiotic tricks again. He's much thicker than I thought. At this rate Headmaster Dumbledore will have him discovered by Christmas! Luckily I have the dunderhead at a loss. The bloke is terrified of me. Sure he's turned into a babbling idiot this year, but I don't buy his act. Something far more dangerous than I did this to him. He may think the majority of people will buy into his poor stuttering, but not me. I've got my eye on him and he knows it. Dumbledore's got his eye on him, too. However, something tells me Dumbledore knows I'm on to Quirrell's pathetic little act. I've got the useless bloke in a corner now. Dumbledore knows it'll be me who discovers what Quirrell's up to and stops him from making a terrible mistake.
His attack on Harry today cost him dearly. How stupid is that man?!? He figures that right in front of the entire school - during a Quidditch match nonetheless - is the best time to attack one of the students. And Harry Potter for Christ sake! That boy's life is more sacred around here than anyone else's. It's ridiculous, but I'm not going to argue against Dumbledore over a silly scar. After all, it is a miracle that boy survived Voldemort's attack. I wouldn't have saved him today if I didn't believe there's more to that boy than meets the eye. I can't stand him, but I won't let that be a reason to let Quirrell or anyone else have their way with him. His father was an arrogant fool and he'll probably grow to be one, too. To hell with both of them. After Mr. Potter's seven years at Hogwarts are over I relieve myself of my duty to protect him. If it be that he can't follow rules and finds himself out of Hogwarts before then, all the better. There's no place for supercilious fools at Hogwarts.
The same could go for arrogant, sarcastic nurses. I ran into Jessica again today. Or rather, she quite literally ran into me. She was the last person I expected to see wandering around the dungeons. I don't know what the hell she was doing down here to begin with, but it certainly wasn't to have a pleasant look around.
She was the only pleasant thing to see in that desolate corridor. Our unexpected collision forced me to touch her, to smell her and to hold her for one brief moment. It was all too perfect for my own good. One taste of her rich, moist kiss would ruin me. I know it. The more I see her, the more I want her. She's by far the wrong woman to desire. I can feel her power and that's why I did what I did.
I could perhaps tolerate her company if all I had to do was look at her beneath me and listen only to her voice whispering my name. She has a beautiful voice, but an awful cheek. No one has ever spoken to me like she did today. She's fearless. Fearless, but awfully sensitive. She couldn't handle my bitter integrity. I meant every word I said to her. She is arrogant and awfully meddlesome. And to think only moments before I lashed out at her she wanted to come with me to my quarters to talk. To talk! There's nothing she and I have in common that we could discuss. Nothing! She surly would not have enjoyed spending an afternoon with me.
If I did let her join me in my quarters this afternoon it would not have been for friendly conversation. There's only one reason I would ever let her step past that door into my chambers. Perhaps I would have made a pass at her if she weren't the Headmaster's grandniece. Bloody hell, that would feel as immoral as slaying a unicorn for a sip of blood.
It's a good thing I don't need the pleasure that badly. Pity, I'd have actually enjoyed it. She's a beauty and she felt so good when my hand touched her body. Even though I only held her for a moment when I caught her, that moment was long enough to convince me that she'd turn an otherwise miserable and uneventful night into something completely filling and satisfying. If she didn't speak a word the entire time but only moaned my name it would be perfect, which is why it will never happen. The lass never shuts her gob.
Besides her excessive need for conversation there's another thing that will inevitably keep us from ever coming together, and that's her sensitivity. She practically turned to tears when I told her to bugger off. If she can't handle me telling her to leave after a short dialogue then how the hell would she handle being told to leave after she'd satisfied me?
Jessica would never settle for a man like me anyway. She said it herself on Halloween that I'm infamous and – in her eyes – irresponsible. As far as she's concerned I'm nothing more than a vile brute.
As much as I fancy the idea of having her in my bed, I couldn't bare having to face Dumbledore after having done so. I know he'd find out and I don't want him to become involved with my personal affairs.
Regardless, he may still have words for me in the morning. I nearly left Jessica in the pits of the dungeons today in complete solitude. There's no doubt in my mind she went straight to his office to tell him what a horrible man I am. There's no argument there, but he knows I know she's his grandniece. Jessica's a part of him and I never would have disrespected him the way I disrespected her today.
Damn it all! I've got to set things straight. I don't need her whining every time she can't handle a little bit of truth or independence. I'll talk to her in the morning. God knows I could use one more look into those staggering eyes.