November 3rd
Ridiculous!
That girl is the essence of pride and vanity. She can deny it all she likes, but I can see right through her. And to think I just about fell for her.
I knew I shouldn't have tried talking to her. What happened today just goes to prove that apologies are ineffective and preposterous! I never would have thought to apologize if it weren't for the fact that she's the Headmaster's grandniece. How could such a thing have intimidated me? Damn her! Damn her… alluring beauty!
Of course, I can't hold myself completely responsible for wanting a girl like Jessica Van Eden. Her enchanting beauty cannot be compared to the essence of beauty itself. All else pales in comparison to her divine visage. I'll not live long enough to see another pair of eyes quite like hers. I'll never be ensnared by the dazzling splendour of another woman as long as I live. Her appeal has a magic all its own.
Damn it all. She's done to me what no woman has ever been able to do to me before. She's bewitched me. She's given me every reason to never want to see her again, and yet, my longing to have her in my arms and in my bed for eternity grows stronger. The power of one single kiss enthralled me. My entire body ached endlessly with a need to hold her, and once it happened… I can't even begin to explain how it pained me.
The bloody lass punched me!
After the way she kissed me it was the last thing I expected. I could feel her hands touching my face and stroking through my hair when she kissed me – which she did so willingly. As a matter of fact, she took me quite by surprise when she closed her eyes and reached out for me. I've allowed very few women to kiss me. A kiss is something I've never desired before setting my eyes on Jessica's full, crimson lips. No woman has ever kissed me like she did. She was warm, she was enchanting, and by God I wanted more.
Her kiss has a unique power. Everything about the touch of her warm lips was perfect. She was soft, sweet and she completely mesmerized me. And then she punched me. Bloody hell.
I've no time for her foolish games. There are much more important things that require my attention. While suspicions lurk around the castle, I cannot afford to sit around and be toyed with Jessica's random need for amusement. She is at my disposal; it's not the other way around.
I'd have actually been humiliated if she hadn't been so naïve about it all, pretending like it had all been my fault. In the end I think it was she who felt the humiliation. I left her with a fine decision to make. I'd given her one last chance to sort her feelings out. If she decides that the kiss she gave me was real I'll be here awaiting another. But, if she stands by that childish manner I saw this afternoon, she'll never see me again.
Grandniece of the Headmaster or not, Jessica Van Eden will not make a fool out of me. I won't allow such nonsense.