Late last night after I'd fallen asleep Jessica came to my quarters. The panic I heard in her voice startled me. I could see it in her eyes, too. She was terrified and she'd been badly injured.
She told me it had been Voldemort that slashed her, and I don't mean to say that I don't believe her, but he's been absent from our world for over a decade now. I saw the fresh blood with my own eyes and I think it's practically impossible to believe that something so near death could have the power to do such a terrible thing to her. She said he wasn't real, that it was just a hallucination, but even ghosts are incapable of causing bodily harm. I'm not sure what to believe, but I have no doubt that Jessica believes it was Voldemort's shadow that attacked her. It certainly wasn't her imagination. There was nothing imaginary about those wounds I cared for. I saw how much pain she was in and I ached for her.
There was something else that tortured her. She showed me the most unusual Dark Mark. Nonetheless, it was authentic. After seeing such a mark, I made the mistake of suspecting she had come to Hogwarts as a spy much like I am. It seemed fitting to believe that Hagrid's stupid mutt had attacked her. The claw marks on her back looked very much like they could match a giant paw. Of course, I was wrong.
If Jessica were a spy or anything of the sort, Headmaster Dumbledore would surely know of it. After all, she is his grandniece. She's also the daughter and granddaughter of two renowned witches. Although she has a Death Eater's blood flowing through her veins, she's no supporter of the Dark Lord. She fears the Dark Arts above all else. She's in danger and that's why she's been brought here. Dumbledore can do all he likes to protect her, but I've called upon myself to take responsibility for her. I know that I can help her, and I know she wants me to help her. She came to me last night and I'm awfully relieved that she did. I'd have been furious if I'd found out another way what had happened to her.
I know it will be difficult, but I'm going to protect her from now on. If need be, I'll cradle her in my arms every night. I can't bear to see her in pain. If I knew what had done that to her I wouldn't hesitate to destroy it. She's been through enough already, I'm sure of it. She doesn't deserve to be tortured like that. She deserves so much more, perhaps even more than I can ever give her. Jessica deserves someone who can love her unconditionally. I will not be that man.
No. I can't be that man. I don't want to be that man. But I want her! I want Jessica. I want her so badly it pained me that I couldn't take her last night.
It seems so foolish, but mustering the power it took to resist her last night came as easily as looking forward to the craze of Valentine's Day. I've made a lot of hard choices in my life, and refraining last night was one of the hardest.
The power of her kiss and the feel of my hands on her soft, bare skin was so overwhelming I nearly erupted.
Dammed!
I wanted to hold her body against mine. I wanted to feel her naked breasts pressed against my chest. I wanted to wrap my hands around her, to feel her, to taste her. I don't think she'd have stopped me if I had.
Bloody Merlin!
Alas, if I had touched her so intimately I'd have not been able to keep myself from taking her then and there. As much as my body ached to feel her naked body embraced around me it'd not have been right. She was already in enough pain. It'd have been awfully cruel and selfish of me to cause her even more pain.
She more or less admitted that no man has ever touched her before, at least not like that. As beautiful and invigorating as she is, Jessica is still a virgin. I will, however, see an end to that – soon.
Not long after we awoke this morning Jessica's hands found way to the very scar I've concealed for a very long time. Perhaps a part of me is glad she'd seen it. I don't know that she knew exactly what had given me such a scar, but it didn't appear to frighten her. She of all people should understand what it's like to hide a part of who we are from the world.
I doubt that many people know of her ability to transform into a deadly snake and to speak to such reptiles as well. Both are rare gifts and the combination of both is far rarer. I can only think of one other who possesses both abilities. To think that Jessica could have anything to do with such a man makes even my skin crawl, although I can't rule out the possibility. She IS the flesh and blood of a loyal Death Eater and I would very much like to know which one.
At the same time he brought pain and agony to Espiranza Van Eden and many of her close friends and family, he brought Jessica into our world. They've become grateful for the girl who has become a part of their lives. I too have begun to appreciate Jessica. Today I realized how dearly important she is to me. Thanks to a clumsy, brainless Gryffindor I nearly lost her today. A chandelier nearly crushed her and would have if I hadn't gotten her out of the way in the nick of time. I'd never felt so frightened before in my life.
Damn this all!
Is this what they call love? Bloody hell. I knew I should have walked away from her when I had the chance. It's too late now. Now, I want her so badly I can't imagine every walking away from her. If I lose Jessica now…
Damned.