Seasons To Remember
Chapter 5: When Dreams Die
In the scrapbook was a ticket stub and a program to a theater in New York; next to them was a photograph of Kat in tutu and toe shoes.
"That's from the summer I was a member of the Royal Academy's corps de ballet and we toured the States," Kat explained, sighing wistfully.
"You were pretty awesome," Tommy said staunchly.
"You got to see Mom dance?" Lynne asked.
"Once, in New York."
"But how? Weren't you on the road most of the summer back then?" Jay queried.
"An amazing series of coincidences brought that about," he answered her. "You know, that was the only regret Jason ever had: he never was able to see Kat dance professionally."
"Why do you look so sad, Aunt Kat?" Trini questioned, noticing her soon-to-be-stepmother's melancholy expression.
"That was the summer a lot of old dreams died," Kat murmured.
"It was after the performance in New York that she and I broke up," Tommy elaborated quietly.
~*~
Tommy used his fork to absently stir the pasta around on his plate. When he took a bite, he didn't even taste his food. His eyes were down, regarding his dinner blankly; he couldn't bring himself to glance up at his date, lest she see the turmoil in his soul.
It was a series of coincidences that brought him to this homey Italian restaurant in New York. Kat had written to tell him that she had a part in the corps de ballet during the Royal Academy's summer tour of the States. She was so excited; this was her first professional performing experience. It was what she'd been working for ever since she went to London.
She had given him a list of the tour stops, and it turned out they were going to be a little over an hour's drive from each other in July. She was going to be in New York, and he was going to be at the Poconos Raceway for the Pennsylvania 500 at the same time.
Of course, the show had been sold out for weeks; Tommy doubted he'd be able to get tickets at such a late date. However, and old friend of his father's had called, and when his dad mentioned his dilemma, the guy said he had one he wasn't going to use because his wife was out of town for that performance.
The last event conspiring to get him and Kat together was his uncle contacting an old Army buddy; they always got together whenever John had the team in the area. The man was able to get reservations to a great restaurant that'd be open after the late shows closed for the night. He and John gladly turned the reservations over to Tommy, and John gave him the night off.
The ballet had been ... all right, but Kat had looked fantastic! She seemed to float across the stage with the grace and poise of a prima ballerina, not just a dancer in the corps. He beamed with pride at her accomplished performance, and he couldn't tear his eyes away whenever she was on stage. However, when she wasn't on stage ....
He'd never been a big fan of ballet, or classical music ... really, any type of artsy stuff; although, he wasn't a total barbarian. One couldn't go to Angel Grove High without gaining some appreciation for art and culture. Still, sometimes it felt like he was too uncouth to properly appreciate them. He found the Arts very – intimidating.
That was probably oversimplifying the matter, but he couldn't explain it any better. He was capable of understanding the dancers' physical accomplishments. He had a frame of reference for the skill and dedication, the sacrifice and hard work that went into their performance, but it was like he couldn't move beyond the mechanics to the art.
Hopefully, none of that showed in his face when he met Kat at the stage door afterwards and had given her pink roses. The way her eyes lit up and her face glowed made sitting through the entire ballet worth it.
He had swept her off to the restaurant without further ado as the corps had a curfew. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with her; he wanted to try and recapture the magic of their relationship.
When they'd seen each other again at Christmas, Tommy had done his best to make it up to Kat for the way they had parted in August. In spite of the calls and letters, he had still felt guilty about that. For New Year's he had taken her skiing at the resort in the mountains. After a day on the slopes, they'd spent a quiet, cozy evening in the lodge in front of a roaring fire. As they snuggled before the huge stone hearth, he resolved to do a better job of working at their relationship.
However, with the holidays gone and their schedules back to normal, his resolution became little more than a good intention. They continued to call and write – his letters full of racing anecdotes: the thrill of speeding around a tight turn, the skill of maneuvering through traffic on the straightaway, the satisfaction of out-thinking an opponent, the rigors of being on the road .... Sometimes, he wished he had more to talk about ... could tell her about the places he had seen, but he never seemed to see more than the tracks and the rest stops in between.
In contrast, Kat's letters were full of classes and studies and the things she'd seen and places she and her classmates had visited when time permitted: an outing to a museum, spectacular gardens, a trip across the Channel – nothing elaborate as she was on student's budget – but her letters and calls were filled with wonderful descriptions and things of interest and significance and they made him feel ....
That was difficult to categorize. Sometimes he wished he could be there with her and see and do all that she talked about. Other times, it made him feel as if he wasn't a part of her world. It seemed as if their efforts only served to widen the chasm between them instead of bringing them closer.
He didn't want to think about that. He wanted them to enjoy their evening. With them both on the road this summer, they probably wouldn't see each other again until Christmas – if Kat wasn't with yet another touring production.
He had gleaned that little tidbit from the stream of excited chatter with which Kat had deluged him almost from the moment they left the stage door. He was happy to see her so animated, so thrilled with what she was doing. This was her dream, after all, but it was a world, he was beginning to see, that he didn't fit into. Oh, he knew what it was like to be constantly on the road and the strain it engendered, but that's where the similarities ended.
The world of ballet was her world, and he was totally lost in it.
"Tommy, is there something wrong?" Kat queried, interrupting his train of thought.
All evening long, her boyfriend had seemed unusually distracted. She hadn't really noticed during the cab ride from the theater; she'd been too flushed with excitement to notice. Having Tommy there, the beautiful flowers, the thrill of dancing in New York .... However, since being shown to their table, he had been unusually quiet, answering only in monosyllables when he answered at all.
Tommy really didn't want to be the one to bring it up. Lord knows he didn't want to hurt Kat any more than he already had. She deserved better from him. She had healed his heart after Kimberly had been forced to break it. She'd risked her life trying to break Prince Gasket's hold over him. She'd been patient and understanding as she waited for their love to blossom. She didn't deserve this, but he could no longer deny what he'd known for a while but was too stubborn to admit. The words really needed to be said.
"It isn't working; is it, Kat," he ventured, doing his best to keep his pain and disappointment out of his voice.
Kat's first impulse was to ask, 'What isn't working'. However, the trouble was, she knew exactly what Tommy meant. Her constant stream of chatter had masked her anxiety over the decision she had made.
"You mean our relationship," she clarified, feeling a bit numb. That was the same conclusion she'd drawn, but somehow, hearing Tommy say it was a shock to the system.
"Yes."
Truth be told, she'd been expecting this day to come. They had needed to discuss the direction of their relationship a long time ago. Absence hadn't made the heart grow fonder; it had made it grow forgetful. Through all the phone calls and letters, it was as if she could actually see the gulf widening between them, and she no longer knew how to bridge the gap..
"It's like we've grown so far apart that we don't know each other any longer," Tommy continued.
She had to agree. Their shared pasts aside, they really didn't have a lot in common any longer. When she thought about it, she shared more with Jason in their platonic friendship these days than she did with Tommy in their romantic relationship.
Kat studied Tommy's expression and saw how much it cost him to bring this up. She hadn't really wanted to discuss this now ... she had wanted to enjoy their brief time together, but this wasn't something that could be done over the phone – and definitely not in a letter. But if not now, then when?
She thought about holding back and letting him say the words that would sunder their couplehood; she didn't think she could be the one to end it. She didn't want to be responsible for breaking the heart she'd helped to heal. He didn't deserve to be dumped again.
Even more than that, she didn't want to be the one to admit that their relationship – the one she'd dreamed of having – had failed. If she wanted to be brutally honest with herself, Tommy wasn't the only one with his pride ... with a need not to appear less than perfect. Admitting to failure – to having followed the wrong path – made her feel decidedly less than perfect.
However, looking at Tommy now, seeing that he'd abandoned the pretense of the perfect White Knight ... seeing the painful honesty in his eyes .... She knew she couldn't let him say the words alone, not when the feeling was mutual.
"We've tried ...." Tommy went on, fumbling to find the right words to make this easier on her.
"I understand, Tommy," she said with a gracious smile, reaching out and touching his hand gently. There wasn't any pain, just a heavy feeling of disappointment that things could have worked out a little differently. "We've tried, but it's not working, and if we keep on trying we might end up damaging our friendship. I don't want that."
"Neither do I," Tommy murmured, vastly relieved the feeling wasn't one-sided.
"Maybe someday we'll be together ...." Kat began with a wistful expression.
"... just not right now," Tommy concluded.
~*~
"... and that someday is now," Tommy told Kat with a fond smile.
"We found where our hearts truly lay then – where they will always lie – but we've also learned that our hearts have room enough for each other as well," Kat concluded, and gave him a kiss – to a chorus of "aawwws."
"That tells us how you guys split up, and we know that Uncle Tommy was still in love with Aunt Kim at the time, but what about you and dad?" Jared wondered. "You guys had to start from scratch. How'd you do it with him in Angel Grove and you in London?"
"The secret to that is we were already halfway in love with each other; we just didn't know it," Kat explained. "It took time for all of us to adjust to what was happening with us – it was a time in which a lot of changes occurred. Both personally and professionally."
"Yeah – for one thing, I decided to go into business with Rocky and Jase once I retired from racing," Tommy added. "It just made more sense financially, the money I could contribute helped them to really establish the business … besides, we all liked and trusted each other, so why not become partners?"
The children nodded thoughtfully. Over the years, their fathers' decision had worked out for the best; Red Dragon Dojo was now one of the most successful independent operations in the area, and provided well for the families. Of course, they'd never get rich, but … that wasn't the point of running a martial arts school, anyway. What counted was that they knew they provided quality instruction, and that they found satisfaction in the work they did.
Kat's blue eyes suddenly held a decidedly impish gleam. "There was another change your dad went through … something that we all thought would never happen," she grinned, winking at Trini.
"Oh? What was that?"
"Let me see …" Kat reached for the scrapbook and started leafing through the pages. "Kim swore she'd keep just one picture of this … just to show that she loved Tommy so much, she accepted his marriage proposal despite what he'd done to himself."
Tommy groaned melodramatically. "Do you really have to dig that up?"
Before Kat could reply, Jay piped up. "Oh yes, Dad, she does," he said firmly, lips twitching. "Judging by your reaction, it's something I really want to see now!"
There was vociferous assent from the others.
"Oh, go ahead then, if you must," Tommy grumped, hiding his smile. He didn't mind all that much, and it would help distract everybody from more painful memories.
"And here it is," Kat announced, turning the album around with a flourish
so that everybody could take a good look. "Ta-dah!"
To Be Continued ...