Standard disclaimers apply. Ooooohh…it's turning heated and confusing for me now ^-^ Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it, you guys keep me sane ^_^ Chapter done in Botan's point of view.
Chapter 8
I couldn't help the sharp intake of breath as I first saw him, feeling my heart tense and stop its maddening beats. I felt my body grow numb and cold, the constant screams and cheers of everyone dying down in the back of my head, with only darkness surrounding me. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I couldn't blink, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't say anything. All that my body focused now was to catch his every move, to watch his graceful stealth as he walked towards his opponent. To miss a single second would be like a knife through my body, feeling my chest tighten at the mere thought of it.
He hasn't changed. Those eyes, even from a mile away, I could still recognize those eyes. The very same gleam of pure gold, the very same sparkle that seem to emit from its shimmer, I could never forget those eyes. They have kept me restless all these years as I constantly find myself haunted with such beauty, with such a painful memory that I can't help the screams that trouble me through the nights. Never have I realized how much I have missed him. Not even the years that passed…not even those could erase the clarity of his memory in my mind.
But I suddenly snapped awake as I heard the other man on the ring utter his name, yet another attempt of mockery.
Kurama.
My eyes widened, if it was even more possible than holding my breath for so long. This man…he was Kurama! He was Kurama, the red-haired young man that had kept me busy during the times I willed myself to forget about the mysterious youkai. The very same man who constantly reminds me of him, the very same person whom I tried to forget to avoid any more pain. So that was why they seem so alike. I watched in silent astonishment as the battle ensued, barely taking the course of the battle in.
Is this why Koenma-sama first refused to let me go?
It wasn't only until I felt Keiko-chan's violent shake did I realize I must've zoned off. "Botan-chan?" came her worried voice, causing me to snap out of my thoughts. I shakily turned my head to look at her, shifting my eyes to from the ring to Keiko's concerned gaze. "Daijoubu, Botan-chan?"
I promptly nodded my head, pasting a forced smile on my face. "Hai! Of course I am, why wouldn't I?" I exclaimed, a little bit too lively at that. But I doubt my eyes even reflected what my voice had tried to show. But Keiko smiled, she seem to be convinced enough. I sighed in relief, trying hard not to think much, but my heart and breathing betrayed me. And my mind did as well soon after, shifting me back to reality and the scene that stood before me.
He. Was. Alive.
"Iie, Kurama-kun!" Yukina-chan's gentle voice interrupted me this time, causing me to whirl my head back to the direction of the ring. A sharp gasped escaped my lips, watching in horror as Kurama's body slammed into the wall, causing a fury of smoke and rumbling stone to come down tumbling him.
The crowd roared, ironically mocking me with their enthusiasm and cheers for the other team. I was caught in surprise, my heart beating almost to a dead stop as he disappeared under the wreckage, mentally begging him to stand up. But the cheers grew wilder, the announcer grew louder, all the while causing the whole stadium to shake through the noise as I fought back the tears.
He can't die now!
I quickly stood up and ran down, heedless of the angered cries of the youkai I stepped on as I went on my way. Shizuru-san's call even remained unanswered as I stepped several steps more. My mind seemed to stop working, with only the goal of coming to him as the key to every movement of my body. I felt my hands shaking as cold wind started to strike my skin, but I remained impassive to everything as I prayed that he stand up and come out.
I couldn't hold back the tears.
"Baka yarou!" I screamed, mindless of the eyes that started to dart up to me. "Kurama! What the hell do you think you're doing? I know you're alive, stand up!" I reached the boundary between the ring and audience seats, leaning as far as I could go just to be sure he heard. I discarded all second thoughts of the possibility of him dying.
Not now. Not that I've found you!
As if on cue, the rocks beneath the wreckage started to move. I held my breath as I watched him stand on his feet. Silver hair didn't come out as I had expected, instead, there was the familiar fiery mane that had found its place, etched in my mind. He had come back to being human, clutching his renewed wounds. The whole scene just made me shed even more tears. I've never seen him this bad, and I just wished I could ask the tournament to end. But I couldn't do that, and I know he wouldn't let me either. I could only hope he still stood a chance.
But even before he could move, his pained look was replaced by an obvious surprise as he looked back at me. Suddenly, I felt numb, all other thoughts started to die down at the back of my head. But as the tension grew on, I masked my feelings with a smile. A smile that was supposed to be a mask, but then grew to be a smile of relief and happiness. He was all right. "Ganbatte yo, Kurama-kun!"
Before he could even say another word, Karasu had started taunting him again. I drew back a little, watching Kurama jump back at the ring and went on to fighting his opponent physically, his eyes now shining with an unfamiliar glow.
Was it...anger?
Why?
I held my breath, feeling my body shake all over again.
"Botan-chan!" Shizuru's voice called to me. I looked back and saw the three of them, Keiko, Shizuru and Yukina, all gathered up around me. "Are you insane?! You almost got yourself killed!" She then pointed to the angry glares the audience I must've passed gave me, their complains almost unbearable. I looked blankly at them until I felt myself being pulled on the wrist. I then felt myself being dragged back to our seats…the right way.
The battle continued, and I found myself dreading each and every second. He was losing! Kurama was covered in his own blood, with only a little wound on his opponent. I couldn't stand it. Only Keiko's hands kept me from running over there. I tried shifting my gaze, avoiding the physical pain that battle inflicts on me, shutting my eyes from further attempt in braving reality's cruelty. I flinched at every sound of a small explosion, flinched as they were all followed by his pained voice.
I slowly opened my eyes, yet still trying to avoid the nightmare that is being held in front of me. I abruptly met with Koenma-sama's gaze, noticing the intent stare that he had been giving to me. His eyes were glaring, his brows creased as his fist tightly clenched at his sides. I felt cold.
Ferry girls are not allowed to love youkai.
Koenma-sama...you don't understand.
Another explosion.
I felt my heart slowly sink, yet keeping a hopeless optimism that he would still stand up. It didn't matter now if he won or not, all that mattered to me is that he lives. "Keiko-chan…he will still make it, wouldn't he?"
Keiko was in the verge of tears as well, but she nodded her head. "Kurama-san's strong, we should trust him."
He fell down again, this time, trapped in a midst of small bombs that started to circle around him. The stadium felt silent, with only the voice of the announcer sounding across the whole place. Everyone seemed to anticipate what would happen next. I held my breath, flinching as another explosion went off. I felt Keiko's hand tighten on my own, her eyes filling with tears. It only made me feel worse.
Unexpectedly, as if in some sort of miracle, another huge plant seemed to burst from the ground, pinning their tips on Karasu's chest. Keiko and Yukina covered their eyes as Shizuru and I continued watching. Kurama was crouched on the ground, looking fully exhausted, watching as his plants began to devour Karasu. I covered my mouth from the sheer bloodshed, both fighters most probably in their worst shape.
Yusuke was probably who first snapped out of his shock. "Kurama!!!" he yelled, right after the referee announced Karasu the winner despite his death. I didn't even mind what reason it was, all that mattered to me was that Kurama was alive. I watched as he stood up to meet Yusuke, Kuwabara and Hiei, all of them worried as they helped him out of the ring. I stood, overlooking the crowded audience to watch him limping, depending on Yusuke's shoulder to keep himself standing up.
"Did you see that? He's okay!" Keiko-chan exclaimed, tears in the brink of falling from her brown eyes. Yukina-chan joined in with her, and Shizuru let out a satisfied smile. I watched them impassively, suddenly feeling the cold dread that started to rush in within me. It didn't feel right…much as I tried to catch his eyes…it seemed like he's avoiding my gaze.
But…
Kurama…
The one I've been looking for all these times…it's him all along...but why was I afraid?
"Did you come for me?"
I want to be with you.
"…H-hai."
I want to make sure.
"Why?"
Please say you remember.
"You know why. Is this the reason why I'm not supposed to watch the tournament?"
Was I expecting too much? Did it really matter to you? Did I mean as much as you have meant to me?
"You were not supposed to know."
Do you really care?
"Why?!"
I don't want to believe my doubts. Give me your reassurance. Please.
"Because…I thought you should've forgotten by now."
I want to believe what I once believed fifteen years ago.
"What do you mean?"
I want to believe you'll open yourself to me despite our fears.
"We shouldn't live through that anymore. It's over."
Or was it only me who was afraid?
"How could you say that?"
Is this your lie? I don't believe you
"How could you trust someone like me? A youko who once prowled the grounds of a realm that barely had anything good to offer you? What's the use of being with that kind of person? What made you believe I truly cared?"
When you smiled...I knew you meant no harm.
"..…"
Because it was a sincere smile.
"You shouldn't have trusted me in the first place."
Even if it didn't last.
"I thought…"
You can't hide it from me.
"..…"
I know...I thought...we could go back.
"I thought…you were different."
Go back to the past and live through it once again.
"I almost took advantage of you before, how could you say that?"
It was my fault.
"I don't care! By that time…by the time I saw you…I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go back to Reikai!"
I wanted to be with you that time...and I still do.
"..…"
Why can't you understand me? Why do you keep on hiding?
"Can't you understand? I love you, and I've been looking for you all these times!"
Please say you felt the same way.
"Don't say that!"
Please say you're not rejecting me.
"Why?!"
I've found you.
"I never..."
I don't want to lose you again.
"….."
I don't want to cry anymore.
"You should leave…"
I don't want to be alone again.
"…So that's it? All these years, that's all you wanted to say?"
It hurts to be away from you.
"…Yes."
Give me another chance.
"…Kurama..."
Don't tell me they were just lies.
"Botan, please go."
But...maybe I was just too naive to believe you.
"...I..."
Maybe...my mistake was ever asking for your help. To ever meeting you.
"....."
Tell me this is not the end.
"I understand..."
But if this is what you want...maybe...
"....."
This is the truth...
"Goodbye."
And the past was the lie.
End of chapter 8