Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho is not and will never be mine. Another flashback, minna ^-^ Chapter done in Youko Kurama's point of view.
Chapter 9
The cliff from which I hung was too high, too weak, that the dark abyss below suddenly became too tempting.
And so I fell.
The next thing I knew, I was kissing her, kissing her with all the burning passion that had built up inside me. From the very first moment that the perfection of her eyes captured mine in a fury of selfish desires to hold her, to make sure that she would be mine, I knew that any kind of resistance would be futile. I am one with myself, I have never lost control. But her eyes had imprisoned me in their depths, leaving me mesmerized and enchanted with their mysterious beauty. They left me wanting, and hoping, almost willing them to never close that I may look into them longer and deeper. I watched her through half-lidded eyes, until the kiss got too deep that I couldn't help closing my eyes.
She was trembling, those beautiful eyes of purple nearing the verge of tears. The movement of my hand to draw away those tears was inevitable, it was almost a reflex. She had looked so small, so vulnerable, that the mere thought of the youkai I had just confronted sent a shiver down my spine. I wanted to kill him again, to feel his blood as he breathed his last. I wanted to make him miserable again, and again, until I satisfy myself with the thought that nothing, nobody, could ever harm her. She was the little treasure that I had decided to protect.
I had leaned down to kiss her again, slowly as to not make her more afraid as she already was. I had taken great care not to pain her, but the sudden, muffled cry caused me to sit up abruptly. She had tried to resist the urge to scream in pain, but the hard moan that escaped betrayed her. I was afraid that I must've hurt her, and so I quickly lifted myself from her lithe frame, watching her try to sit up. It was only a matter of seconds before she limply fell on me, her head resting upon my shoulders as she weakly gripped my arm for support. She tried moving her leg, and I watched her in dumb curiosity as she struggled to show me what was wrong.
It was dreadful the way I saw it, those dreadful spots of crimson on the white sheet as she took a deep breath to calm herself. I have seen more blood, more pains than this, but never have I actually cared for them, I had never reacted. But now, as I looked down upon her helpless form, I couldn't help the sudden sickness that started to rise up my stomach as her beautiful face twisted in pain.
"It hurts," she cried, stifling a sob as she gestured to her ankle. I took the cover away, my eyes glued to the source of her pain. Indeed, it was her ankle. It was covered in a mass of red, the surrounding area was already dark from the entrapped blood coming out from a deep, slashed wound she must've acquired from that son of a bitch. I mentally cursed that youkai again, hoping that whatever thing that found him lying on that forest floor would devour him with no such decency to heighten up his already contorted shame even more.
I glanced up to her, for I didn't think I could stare at the wound any longer. She was gasping for air, obviously shocked at the amount of blood that must've come out of her. That was when I saw how young and innocent she must've been, ignorant and mindless of the things that were happening around her. I saw her even more vulnerable, but strong to may have faced these things with only muffled sobs and tears. She never said anything more, and only looked back at me with those mesmerizing eyes of hers. She looked at me without fear now, through the tears and through her cries. She looked at me in trust. A trust that I felt like keeping.
"Can't you use your power to heal yourself?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "I'm only new to that kind of deity power and I can't do more than one in a day," she said, lowering her gaze as she vaguely played with the material of her clothing. "I…already used it for you."
If it was guilt that had suddenly arose from me, I have no intentions of denying it. It was, afterall, my fault now that she couldn't heal herself. Much as I hated admitting something as my fault, it was no use fighting it now that she needed help.
My hand reached up to my hair, the silver locks falling limply on my shoulders as I thought of the thing I needed. I reached behind my neck to pull out a single white flower, with leaves soft and curled in a sea of evergreen as they lightly stuck themselves on the thick stem. I rested my hand a few inches above her wound, the glow of bright gold surrounding her. The soft sparkles of light were tiny seedlings from a fern here in Makai, they were good in dealing with open wounds. As I felt the bleeding stop, I plucked two leaves from the flower I held and wrapped them around the injury. I tore a piece of my sash to use it to tie the leaves on her.
She looked down quietly as I nursed her wound, her breathing once again even and no signs of sobbing. Once I had finished, she muttered a small "thank you" before looking away again. It doesn't really take the sharpness of a youkai's eyes to see the soft harmony of pale pink and red on her cheeks. She was trying to hide a blush. Much as I wanted to say something, I decided against it. She badly needed rest.
"Go to sleep," I told her simply, pushing her to lie down. I took out a new sheet for her to use, and I laid it upon her as she tried to struggle to sit up.
"Wait, where are you going?" she asked, grasping my hand as tightly as her strength had allowed her.
"I…have things to do," I said as I laid her down again, steadying her hands from clutching mine to tightly. She was terrified, although I didn't exactly know why. As I looked into her tearful eyes, I kept asking myself if leaving is even such a good idea at that moment. But I shook my head against it, willing myself to secure my gaze as to not let her get the idea that I've started to care. Not that I haven't kicked my own behind already, but I convinced myself that I can't afford to have more.
"But…how long would you be away?"
I frowned, thinking about it for a moment. I go to my hunt with my pack almost for a whole day, our next destination quite far. It might be a bit longer than I may suspect. I looked at her, with her eyes delving into mine as she awaited my answer. I drowned in their depths again, the sea of glowing purple enveloping me once again in their innocent mystery.
That was when I knew I couldn't stay away for long.
I shook my head. "You ask too many questions," I grunted, eyeing her sharply as I turned to leave. My hands fell limply on my side as I took a single step, suddenly realizing the smooth and soft petals of the flower I held in my hand. It was the same flower I had used to heal her. The misty white silkiness was calling out for my attention as I gently held it close enough for me to smell its sweet fragrance. I remembered its name now, The Lily of the Realm. I suppose the realm that was stated was Makai, for I doubt this same beauty grows in the other two. It had always been my favorite, next to the rose. The rose had been my weapon, this flower had been my remedy. Remedy from my wounds, from my pains. Remedy from the bloodsheds.
I realized that I still stood from where I had taken that first step, unable to leave the place. As if I was expected to be in need of something before I leave. I looked up to see her tantalizing eyes once again laid on mine, our gazes meeting in a mixed harmony and turmoil with their intensity. She was teasing me, mocking me with her ignorance of what I felt. I had started to hate her even more, because she had a sudden ability to manipulate me through her gaze. I hated her, because I felt the ice in whatever heart I have left melting just by her stares. I hated her, because I felt like I couldn't bring myself to give her my hatred. The hatred that I used to give the world.
My feet betrayed me as they started towards her again. So did my hands when they lifted up to hold one of her hands, lifting them to place the single white blossom in the softness of her touch. I stared and touched, mesmerized by how the bloom seem to suit well in her hands, both their softness matched the other. I would've smile, but I decided against it and just let both her hand and the flower go.
"You do have a name, do you?" I asked her, willing myself to forget about how her hand seem too tempting to hold.
It wasn't until a few seconds when she snapped, turning away abruptly as she started playing with the cover again. "Uhm…it's B-Botan…" she said, her voice a bit low as she mumbled the words out. But I heard her, as I felt her name being carved into my mind. I repeated her name silently in my lips, savoring its perfection in my tongue. Although I knew that her name wasn't at all special exactly, I knew that I would never bring myself to forget it. It was beauty in it's own way, especially since she was the one who owns it. I must say that she and her name fit perfectly well. Both gave me peace.
I turned to leave, my soft sounding steps echoing softly through the walls of my lair. I kept my ear alert, waiting for any sign of movement from her. It was only until I was about to reach the end of the cave's path when I sensed her movement, the rustle of the blanket as she buried herself underneath its warmth.
I ceased my steps to now look at the dark path behind me, her form now invisible through the walls of the cave. I suddenly had the thought of actually staying, but my mind started against it as I shook my head off the idea. I didn't know why I now cared, but I couldn't help finding myself wishing to whatever god to watch over her. Watch over her from whatever evil that could come while I was away.
"Yo, Kurama!"
I looked up to see Li's eyes frowning at me, one twitching slightly in irritation. I raised one brow as a response, annoyed at the fact that he was watching me. But I couldn't blame him though, I must've lost myself again. Lost myself in her again.
I couldn't help it. Ever since I've set foot away from my lair, thoughts of her, of what she might be doing, they all started a flood in my mind. I was almost in a hysterical paranoia that something might happen. That is, if you consider perfection to stumble more than even thought possible with such a skilled thief, I wasn't exactly the type who'd go maddeningly hysterical. But very much to say, I wasn't acting myself. I had made mistakes in a short span of an hour. I had dropped an artifact that could've caused a fortune and accidentally gave it to a rival pack, I've hurt a fellow mate with my whip and I've drifted into deep space while Li gave me pointers about our supposed to be plan. I was impossible, I'm actually wondering why Li hadn't kicked me just yet.
"What do you want?" I asked, pulling up the cold exterior once again. As suspected, I gained dominance over Li as he only let out a soft grunt of irritation. Even though Li and I had equal powers when it comes to our group, he couldn't exactly argue with me longer than three seconds.
He sighed, his lean shoulders suddenly sagging. "Come on, Kurama, you can't go around stealing from others when you let your own mind get stolen," he said, poking my head once for emphasis. "Especially not by a woman."
I snapped, my back suddenly straightening as shock and fury started to burst from the flame in my eyes. "What are you talking about?" I asked him, glaring at him as the gold of my gaze intensified. Of course, I had a slight thought of what he had meant, but I couldn't exactly wonder how he could've known. I had only met her today, and no one could have possibly seen me rescue her.
"Oh come on! You know what I'm talking about!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands back as he eyed me in distaste. "You know, blue hair, pretty face, gorgeous body. I was actually waiting for you to share her with me, but that doesn't seem like one of the ideas that you have running around your head, is it?"
I stared dumbstruck at that. He had described her perfectly! All right, so scratch the parts where he was being too bold, but I couldn't exactly disagree. But mostly, I could've used other terms. Li was like that, straight and frank, he doesn't go around in circles like I do. He doesn't care what others might think, all he cares about is himself. And his treasures and his identity as a thief.
He must've noticed my silence when he grinned. "Well, well, so I was right, huh? I wasn't really sure if that's it exactly, just a wild guess. But your expression gives you away, kitsune, hahaha!" he laughed wildly as he fell slightly back.
I rolled my eyes. He really couldn't stop mocking me, could he? "Shut up, baka!" Even though I exclaimed this in irritation, he still continued laughing. I decided to ignore it. "How did you know?"
He stopped momentarily to look at me. "Oh? Well, it's not exactly unusual to obsess with such a fine woman but--"
"I meant, how did you know about her?" I said, cutting him off almost impatiently. Really, he was impossible when it comes to women. Sure, he gets his usual herd of youkai females whenever he wanted to, but that wasn't exactly a good reason to fill himself with this idiocy. For Li, women are just for past time, he can have them when he wants them, and he can leave them as soon as he starts getting tired of them. I didn't exactly feel sorry for those women, they were fools to even fall for a thief. But still, sometimes Li gets too much of this that it bothers fellow thieves sometimes.
"Oh! Haha! Would you believe I came to call for you this morning?" he said, bursting in roars of laughter once again. "I was actually surprised when you didn't seem to feel my presence, but that's when I saw the babe you were with." He laughed again. It took me a great amount of self-control to keep myself from knocking the guy's head on the ground. Maybe I decided to listen, I wanted to know how on earth I could've let down my guard. "Thank me, oh loving buddy, I decided not to bother you two. It might ruin the atmosphere, as they always say." Now I really wanted to hit him. A little bit more, you idiot, and I'll be having your head displayed on my lair. Only a moron would try to tease me more than twice. "So tell me, how's it like to make out with a Reikai girl?"
Confirmed, Li's a moron.
"I can have your head for those, Li, I swear." I told him, glaring at him almost too intensely now.
Li sighed, hitting me on the shoulder as he tried to cease his laughter. "But seriously, Kurama, how was it? Was she good?"
I sighed, burying my aching head on my palm. "Nothing happened," I stated simply, moving my palm in circles to ease the pain in my head. "I'm not like you."
It should've come out as an insult, but I suppose it backfired when I heard Li's laughter again. "Good one, kitsune!" he exclaimed, holding himself up from his laughter. "Oh gods, Kurama! You really know the exact words to say, no wonder the girl fell for your 'charms'. Lucky girl you got there with you, very lucky!"
I rolled my eyes again, muttering silent curses as I left Li on that cliff. He was still laughing and shouting insults, but they seem to drift away with the wind as I looked up at the darkening skies. I decided that I had to go back, it might get dangerous for her now. I still didn't know why I wanted to protect her so much, maybe it's what Li always call "manly instincts". But I doubt that idiot knew what he was talking about, he had hurt his women more than he ever tried protecting them. But whatever it was, it was a real pain when you're a thief. I couldn't concentrate, I had to go back.
Three days, and I knew she's well enough to ride her oar again. And as I watch her grip the wooden object, I couldn't help but feel like wanting to break it. To keep her from leaving. It had only been a matter of three days, and she completely won my mind, making obsess over her during the heat of the day and the coldness of the night. I couldn't imagine myself going back to the old life I used to live, it was too unusual now that it had been completely changed. This must be Reikai's way of vengeance for breaking its laws.
"Anou…" she started, her fingers lacing around the thin handle of her oar. She had her head down, as if she was struggling for words to say. She didn't let me catch her eye, it was as if she found the dusty ground far more interesting than I was to her. Maybe that, or she still couldn't look at me. I've always had that effect on people, making them stand still just by my gaze. I suppose that certain aspect would never change. Even if I wanted the person to look.
Stay, I thought. It was the most explainable thing I could think of. But even though I wished, almost willed, her to say the words I wanted her to say, I knew she'd never agree. Never. She knows the danger from which she now faced, the contemptuous stranger that I am. I know she wouldn't want to stay.
She fidgeted again, daring to raise her head so our eyes could meet. She turned away again. "T-Thank you…for keeping me here," she said, poising her oar to lift her up in midair.
I could only stare and watch as she was lifted higher and higher, until she was face to face with me. Our gazes locked, making me stand in near surrender to her goodbye. I watched as a trembling hand came up to the side of my face, almost touching. She seemed to be resisting the urge to touch me, probably from fear that I might hurt her. I couldn't blame her, for the few days that she had stayed, I had shown nothing but a cold mystery to her. We barely spoke, we barely even tried any means of communication. All that were let out were a few sidelong glances, that and nothing more.
I was about to turn and leave, leave her alone so she could go back to where she was supposed to be. My strides moved along the grassed ground, my eyes fixed directly in front of me, not daring to look back. But it was her voice that made me slow down.
"Wait!"
I dared not stop. I might've slowed, but I kept myself from looking at her. From making me lose myself again. I'm a thief, a feared youkai. I was Youko Kurama, the dreaded kitsune of the Makai. Nobody can control me, no one can manipulate me. No one can make me let down my guard. Not even her.
But she didn't give up. She didn't give up the battle, as her voice sounded through my head once again. "Wait," she called again, yet she stayed where she was. And I kept walking away. "Can I…when I have the time…can I come and see you?"
So bold, yet so naïve. I guess she still didn't know the danger that she faced just by asking me that. And the sanity that she dared take from me by doing so. Yes, was my mind's only answer, and yet I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. It would've been better off if she wouldn't, but I can't exactly say that that is what I desire her to do. I've wished her to stay, but I suppose this might be the closest way I can have that wish.
I ceased my steps, eyes narrowing as I turned to my side. Silence lingered through the violent winds of our surroundings, the thick vegetation muffling the heavy howls. I didn't look back, I didn't look at her. My fist clenched at my side, my head screaming to let her inside. But no, I'm a youkai, she was a ferry girl. We don't exactly go together.
"Probably."
I just wish I can come to understand that.
End of chapter 9