Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho and all mentioned characters are not mine. Chapter done in Kurama's point of view.
*looks down at previous chapter* I can't believe I was serious when I said that that was chapter 12! Kurama-sama's really OOC there, wasn't he? Anyway, better make this one good, lest I completely kill myself from all the bonks I'm doing here on this here wall*taps good ol' bloody wall beside her* Mr. Wall here's my best friend and my inspiration and he punishes me for my crap! *bursts out laughing* Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated, thank you!
Got this from a review. Sorry for the Japanese words, I've collected some that I must've written, here they are ^_^ Maybe I should quit using Japanese, but they just sound better when said like these. My opinion anyway ^_^'
Baka - Idiot
Nani - What
Ne - used to call someone's attention, like
or ; also used as
(for questions like I'm making
sense, ne?) ; also used as an assurance, like
(similar with my mom saying, Do be a good
girl and take your medication, ne?)
Gomen - I'm sorry
Demo- But
Chan- Added to names of people that are either younger or
the same age
Kun- Same with –chan
Gambatte yo/ne – Good luck
Okaasan – Mother
Reikai – Spirit World
Makai – Alternate / Demon World
Ningenkai -Human World
I feel tired.
Why? I don't know.
Maybe because I just fought Sensui and lost, or maybe it was the thought that even Hiei and Kuwabara lost as well. Whether it was from the lack of power I was currently feeling, or the fact that I was lying on my back and was too weak to attempt to sit up, I'm not sure. Or maybe it was because my lungs felt like they were on fire that I could barely breathe, the pain too much to bear that I almost felt myself suffocate.
It was Makai again, my old home, the place I've always ran around in. The place was distinctly familiar, the old terrains, changed slightly by the years that had gone by. The sky was still that never ending dark cloud that sprouted lightning and thunder here and there, striking through ignorant trees, youkai and grounds at random. The winds were just as strong, their howls just as enchanting.
Yes, I remember this place.
This was where we first met. And if I am correct, my old lair was just right about near my left, down the steep cliff. I wonder if Li was still alive? What had happened to him when I died? Was my old pack still the same, or did they finally decided to split up and go on to their separate ways? After all, I was the leader, and having a leader dead could almost make a pack completely useless.
It almost made me laugh out loud, how frustrated I was back then when I first met her, wanting her yet not knowing what to do with her. It's not that I didn't know what I wanted, it was a physical desire that was very much common to a lot of youkai such as myself.
The problem was that she was from Reikai.
Reikai and Makai are two worlds that don't exactly get along. It had been long before when Reikai stopped caring what Makai does and only focused its attention to Ningenkai. As for Makai, it doesn't and never did care much about Reikai in the first place anyway.
But it wasn't long when I myself had confirmed my suspicions about Reikai. I went to Koenma, asking him questions that I had first intended to be indirect, mostly about my files and how much Reikai knew about me. But I could hardly care what my records contained, all I really wanted to know was about Botan, and if there was a possibility for us to be together.
I didn't mean to be naïve, but I suppose I hadn't been able to help myself. Curiosity, confusion and perhaps desire to possess her like I used to were too much of burdens to just be ignored. But don't get me wrong, I never tried to take her physically, although much as I try not to think about it, it was the first thing that drew me to her. Li almost choked me to death for letting such opportunities pass when he found out that I let her go, but no, I respect her enough to keep everything to myself.
Once and for all, I wanted to know.
And yet, as much as I tried to conceal my true purpose, Koenma had his suspicions.
What about the relationship of Reikai and Makai?
Supposedly, that was a very vast question, knowing Reikai, they must've had rules somehow about it. There could've been rules about past experiences the two world had, rules about youkai being a part of the staff and all those kinds of things. But Koenma's answer was direct, surprising me beyond what I had expected from him.
It's forbidden for ferry girls to be with a person from Makai, if that's your question.
I was silent after that, wondering how Koenma could've come up with the idea. Not that it wasn't true though. I barely listened to him explain things about ferry girls coming from Ningenkai, and much likely it's the main difference between them and the other Reikai staff. I heard everything, but I understood nothing, weighing consequences upon consequences, on the what ifs' and everything else my mind comes across with. No, all I saw was Koenma's lips moving, only hearing his words yet not taking them in. I understood nothing.
Koenma further explained how he came up with his suspicion, saying something about overhearing other girls from his office. It seems as though Botan had suffered severely when she found out that I was dead, doing everything wrong, drowning herself in a private depression that most of the staff seemed to have noticed then.
It was funny in it's own way, how her beautiful eyes widened in shock during the Ankonku Bujutsuukai. I never knew what she thought of me, only that her small cheer of Gambatte yo and how she had said my name with the friendly changed what I thought of the battle itself.
I had won, but plainly because I wanted to think, again Koenma's warnings and explanations muddled up in my head, mixed up with the confusion and the mess that happened when she saw me. The truth had been laid bare to her right then and there, with me in the midst of a battle I could barely win.
I remembered myself asking Koenma to keep Botan from finding out. I had asked him if he would prevent Botan from seeing my final battle, thus all in all letting me keep my secret. It would've been possible, even until now, if it didn't happen, she will never know.
Whatever possessed Koenma to bring her nonetheless was beyond me, and I suppose I'm blaming him for the mess I knew I was responsible for. I guess I was blaming him now because I didn't want to take responsibility of everything, I didn't want to drown myself in guilt for the confusion I must've brought her. Maybe she even forgot me already, or at least trying to move on.
Did she think me cruel? For showing up like this again?
Yes, I could almost laugh. I tilted my head to once side, my golden eyes passing through my disheveled mane of silver, past my pale hands and to the tall frame of Sensui as he looked down upon all of us. Hiei and Kuwabara were listening to him say thing I could barely hear despite my youko ears. Or was it because I didn't want to listen?
I closed my eyes, finally letting out the sarcastic laugh I was trying to suppress from the start. I laughed at my fate, my irony, I laughed for being the fool and the pawn in my own schemes. I laughed at the memory of me breaking down in front of her, of how pathetic I must've look. I laughed and laughed, laughed at myself, laughed despite the tears that had started to sting inside my closed eyes.
I thought of Sensui, and laughed again as his words swam about my head.
Sensui finally stopped talking after he heard me, with Hiei and Kuwabara staring at me with confused eyes. I didn't know what I was saying, but I think I heard my own voice rising up to take all of their attention. Why don't you just finish this instead of yapping things I could barely understand? You killed Yusuke, aren't you going to kill us too?
Sensui himself laughed, and again I barely heard him say something about finishing us all, but giving me the pleasure of being the first so I wouldn't see my friends die in front of me. Something about bravery I think. I could care less.
See Botan? I can make your life straight and happy again, you can forget about the mysterious youkai whom you thought you loved. You're a good ferry girl, Koenma is proud of you. Forget me, doing so, maybe I can make you smile again.
I suddenly thought of Okaasan, and it made me feel worse. I had loved her more than I had ever loved myself, I could hardly care if I die now, knowing that I will be taking away the danger I had set upon her ever since I lived as her son.
But what would she say when she found out that Shuuichi-kun was lost, I wonder? Will she cry? Will she think I left her?
Okaasan, I've made such a mess out of your life. I've killed Shuuichi long ago, even before you saw his face. I've made you sad, and through the years I've tried to take care of you.
Be happy with Hatanaka, I know you two will be together. He loves you and you love him, I've known that ever since you first told me about him. He has a son named Shuuichi too, ne? I heard he's really smart, maybe he can be your Shuuichi now.
Forgive me, okaasan, I guess I won't be your son anymore. I guess this would be the price I have to pay for stealing the real Shuu-chan from you, isn't it?
My life is such a mess okaasan, you've almost died because of me more than once. You're better off without me.
My eyes left Sensui's form as he walked slowly towards me. I closed my eyes and sighed.
Kurama!
I could feel Hiei's eyes on me, hearing his voice over and over in my head asking, What's with you, kitsune? Have you gone mad?!
I laughed again. Hiei, you've read my thoughts? Sensui will kill me, it's a narrow choice but try to strike him again. If you succeed, do something about okaasan, ne?
Hiei glared at me and continued to ask several other questions, of concern concealed in insults, but I just shook my head, not replying to him the same way he tried talking to me. I didn't respond through my head anymore, just closing my eyes to cover up any other thought that he tried to come my way.
I moved my head to one side so I can look at him, smiling up at him with that same bitter way I had laughed. He had been my best friend, and as I awaited Sensui to finish what he had started and kill me, I tried reaching up to him. My trembling hand barely reached his face, my eyes barely open to look at him for long. He was staring at me with widened eyes, shock, anger and confusion all in there. Is this the way I'll remember you, Hiei?
Gomen Hiei, I guess this is goodbye.
End of chapter 13