Destiny

Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho and all mentioned characters are not mine. Chapter done in Botan's point of view. This is the fourth revised version of chapter 14 *sweatdrops*, I'm sick of the drama and I can't seem to figure out how to cut it out. So, that said, I think it would be my excuse for the long delay ^_^' Comments, suggestions and all sort of violent reaction are very much welcome! - blackcape@edsamail.com.ph

Chapter 14

What was taking them so long?

I've been biting my lip and nails for the past hour, waiting in anticipation for all of them to come out. I've taken Shizuru and Keiko with me, but worried that Yusuke and Kuwabara might get angry with me. But I can't blame the girls, I know that they're worried about them as much as I am, and I knew that I can't keep them away.

Keiko had been trying to suppress her tears until now, asking me and everybody else about what happened. She kept on asking if Yusuke was all right, when will they be coming back, what if something happened. It was painfully obvious how much Keiko cared for Yusuke, and it just made me all the more dreadful and anxious watching her.

I had to thank Shizuru for being the one to calm Keiko. I wanted to do it myself, but all I could do was to give Keiko-chan a hug, I didn't what words to tell her. Maybe because I was just as scared myself. I couldn't help thinking about them, Koenma-sama, Yusuke. But now and then I find myself thinking about a certain red-haired young man who I figured just walked out on me the last time we saw each other.

I'm not denying that I didn't cry. I barely understood what he meant, why he apologized, what was it that he did. And I've long before accepted my feelings for the mysterious man, though remembering how it had been between us, it could hardly make any sense. I've known him for so long, and yet I feel like I have not. I barely knew who he is. He had hidden so much about himself from me, and whenever we do get to talk with each other, it all ends the same way. We break apart.

I frowned. Was that how we're supposed to be?

"Botan?"

I turned my head towards that voice, recognizing it a few seconds after as Shizuru's. I blinked up at her and raised my eyebrows in question. "Hai, Shizuru-chan?"

Shizuru frowned at me. "Botan, I've been calling you four times already. Is something wrong?" she asked.

Keiko jumped in. "Botan-chan, did something happen?" she cried in a frantic voice, taking a hold of my hands and looked at me with brown eyes that warned me of upcoming tears. It made me admire her really, her never-ending concern for Yusuke even if they do have the tendency to fight three-fourths of the time.

Though much as Yusuke and Keiko pretend that they hate each other at times, it just makes their bond all the more closer and tighter. I envied them then, but don't get me wrong, I was also very much happy for them as well. I suppose it was the dread that I can never have the same happiness that they find in each other. I dreaded that it just might be my destiny to be alone and work for Reikai the remaining time of my oh so long life.

I used to love my work. But how come that during these past few years, it just seemed...empty?

I shook my head and forced in a smile. "Daijoubu, Keiko-chan. I'm..." I was cut off, the painful feeling of Yusuke's departure still fresh from my mind. But I shook my head. I should cheer Keiko up, she's my friend, and I don't want her to worry so much. "I'm sure Yusuke is all right."

I glanced uneasily towards Genkai, who just remained silent in her statue-like state beside us. What I said seemed like a reassurance for all of us, not only for Keiko, but for myself as well. I supposed that I've made it a silent mantra, they're all right, they're all right, they're all right...

I could only wish it were true.

"Wait, minna, look!" It was Yanagi, one of Genkai's students, who pointed at the cave's entrance, the quiet sounds of footsteps echoing through the place. We all held our breaths in and anticipated the figures that would be coming out after those footsteps. Will it be them, or Sensui and his minions who would announce the end of this mission once and for all? I clenched my hand into a tight fist, willing my mind to stop being such a pessimist and just pray that it was them.

Suddenly, Keiko moved out beside me and Shizuru and started running towards the cave. "Yusuke!" she cried, flinging herself to a certain, long-haired man who walked between Kuwabara and Hiei, markings of dark blue all over his body. Keiko didn't seem to notice, as she held the figure tightly, tears of undeniable joy in her eyes.

We all gawked at them both, until finally realizing that it was Yusuke. He had changed, and I thought I heard Genkai say something about "youkai blood" under her breath.

We all ran towards those two, until I stopped in mid-step and looked around for those who were missing. I looked around, narrowing my eyes on the cave entrance. None. I was about to go inside when I heard a familiar voice cry out, "Baka yarou, Kuwabara! I thought you were supposed to carry him out, you bastard!"

Then I heard Kuwabara retort, "Feh, are you kidding me, you little brat?! I've carried Kurama out most of the way, it's about time you guys help me out. You don't expect me to carry him out all the way, do you?!"

Another voice, one that was way more gentle than those that preceded it, yet a bit shaken, sounded. "Sumimasen, Koenma-sama. Really, I'll be fine."

My eyes widened.

Kurama?

I ran towards the sounds of what seemed to be their hidden footsteps. "Ku--" I stopped. "K-Koenma-sama?" I called out, not finding it in myself to say his name just yet. I felt my eyebrows knit as their footsteps sounded closer and closer, my eyes anticipating their upcoming figures.

I stopped and backed away for a bit when I saw them come up to the light. Koenma-sama had told me that he might take off his pacifier, and indeed, he appeared without it. What could've happened was beyond me. The next person I saw was none other than Kurama, whom I've been lamenting over the past hours in my head. He had an arm around Koenma-sama, his soiled frame leaning over him. His eyes reflected weakness, and it was obvious from his posture that he was gravely tired. Blood was coming from his temples and limbs, flowing down his neck and torso. A thin, small droplet rolled down his pale lips, his hand coming up from time to time to wipe them away.

I stood transfixed, my eyes wide at the mere sight. The only sound that woke me up from that stupor was Koenma-sama's authoritative voice calling me. "Botan, come here and help," he said, while holding Kurama's free arm in one of his, a gesture that seemed to tell me that it was to be my place on the other side.

It took him another call to make me move, and I ran hastily to them, holding Kurama's wrist and moving him to put his arm around me. I felt him stiffen, but he obliged, his weary eyes coming abruptly to look at me for a split second, only to look away soon after. No words were exchanged.

"What happened?"

It was Keiko who asked. She came quickly in front of us, looking up at Kurama as she brought out a handkerchief to wipe some of the blood that Kurama had on his face. She looked up at Yusuke, then to Koenma-sama. "What happened?" she repeated, now a bit more loud.

It was Kuwabara who answered. "He taunted Sensui," he said, giving Kurama a look of disbelief. "I still don't understand what he had in mind, though. I thought he's gone mad!"

Hiei snorted. "At least he had a use. You were the one who was the most useless, all you did was shriek."

"Nani?!" exclaimed Kuwabara, grabbing Hiei by the collar. He glared at the smaller youkai with a fiery glint in his eye. "Like you've done anything yourself! Your kokuryuuha was chicken compared to Sensui's power!"

"Watch your mouth, moron, or I'll cut your tongue myself."

"You little shrimp! I dare you to do that, you---"

"All right, shut up! Shut up!!!" It was Yusuke who went in between the two, whacking them both upside the head. He gestured them to Kurama. "Our dear, psychotic buddy who just recently lost his brain and reason is needing immediate recovery, which means silence and peace," he said, putting a fist on his hip as he glared at the two. "AND I'll be needing him to cut my hair short again because I personally am itching to get away from it." He then turned to Koenma-sama and me. "Can you two please help him?"

Before either of us could answer, Kuwabara went in again. "I still don't get it, Kurama. What was that out there, suicide?"

I looked at Kurama from the corner of my eyes. I didn't know what happened, but among all of them, he seemed to be the one who was in the worst condition. My brows knitted again from all the frowning, but I couldn't help it.

Kurama acknowledged Kuwabara with a laugh.

I don't know if it was just me, but I thought I heard it in a bitter way, a sardonic laughter that rang weakly against the cave walls. The others didn't seem to notice though. Kurama had his eyes hidden behind the thickness of his hair, the smooth strands now stiff from the dried blood that ran down on his forehead.

Keiko must've noticed the way I was looking at Kurama, and handed me her handkerchief, pointing out what I should do with a tilt of her head. I hesitated, but took it anyway and wiped the blood that was about to reach Kurama's eyes. He needed it badly, and I ran the piece of cloth down the other side, making sure that I've had them all.

Kurama shook his head, moving away from the handkerchief and looked at Kuwabara again. "You could say that," was his reply. He had a smile on his lips that didn't exactly reach his eyes. He cast me a sideway glance, rooting me in my place, stilling my hand from what it was doing until I couldn't stand his look, and I looked away. I heard a faint sound from him before I felt his hand come up to mine, forcing me to look at him again. But he didn't look back, and just took the handkerchief from me and gave it back to Keiko.

Kuwabara was still blinking, not knowing what to make out of Kurama's reply. I thought I heard Hiei mutter something about a "crazy kitsune" before he turned his back and started walking away.

"Oi, Hiei! Where're you goin'?" Yusuke asked, running up to the other youkai.

Hiei looked at him behind his shoulder and replied, "I'm going to rest."

I watched as Yusuke patted Hiei on the head for goodbye, earning himself a few curses from the other guy. The others laughed, but all I could do was give out a small smile, my eyes still cast down. I couldn't grasp what Kurama had meant either, but I felt like he was telling me something by the way he had looked a while ago.

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, hundreds of question circling in my mind yet I found myself in silence. He didn't look back, and he kept his eyes on the ground. I knew he knew that was looking, but he didn't move. Was he avoiding me? Was he still angry?

It was Koenma-sama who broke the uneasy silence between me and Kurama. "All right, you all better go home now, it's late. Kurama," he turned to look down at Kurama, who still had his head cast down. "Let Botan help you with your wounds for now, you're too weak to do so yourself."

Kurama stiffened again, but said nothing. It took him a minute to nod his head, as he let Koenma-sama remove the arm that was currently around my master's shoulder. Koenma-sama guided Kurama to lean on me, which he hesitantly did. I help him shift to a more comfortable position for him, but he refused to move closer and looked like he didn't want me to support him fully. He still tried to stand on both feet.

Koenma-sama spoke again, noticing Kurama's hesitation. "Kurama, don't be stubborn, you need her help," he said. He then turned to me. "Take care of him, I'll be expecting you tomorrow, all right?"

I think I replied with a quiet, "hai" before Koenma-sama nodded his head. He walked towards the others, probably telling them to go home. Yusuke and the others nodded, and waved at us before leaving. I knew they were all worried about Kurama. Keiko cast us one last look of concern, but one nod from me assured her we'll be fine.

It was Koenma-sama who I was looking at then. Why was he doing this? I guess he was right, that I may be the best one to heal Kurama's wounds, but I've always known him to be against me and Kurama together. He barely let us talk. Koenma-sama may not have his pacifier, but I know that he had enough power in him to do the job himself. Was he truly weakened by Sensui? Or did he have another purpose for this?

As if reading my thoughts, he turned around and raised a hand to give me a wave. "I trust you, Botan. Good night." This he said as he turned, making his way probably back to Reikai. He didn't even wait for me to reply.

I felt a cold wind pass us by, causing a sudden chill to run up my arms and back. I saw Kurama wince, though he quickly tried to hide it by looking away. He still looked like he's refusing my help, but kept his silence. It pained me to accept it, even if I knew that it was not the right time to think of such.

Barely suppressing a disappointed sigh, I removed my hand that supported his chest to produce my oar. I gestured for him to move back and to let me guide him to sit down. "We'll be taking my oar. It's faster this way," I said, helping him on the front. He obediently obliged, and I sat myself beside him and guided him again to lean back on me.

He hesitated at first, but eventually leaned down to rest his head on the crook of my neck and shoulder, his eyes closing, probably from exhaustion. He tired sigh escaped him, tickling my neck, and I felt myself stiffen. He stilled himself as well, forcing out a raspy "gomen" and shifted a little bit to lessen any more physical contact.

I was sure that the uneasy touches that we've been having for the past few minutes were bothering him as much as they did me. I frowned again, and shook my head. "It's all right. You're too weak to balance yourself, you might fall off," I said, ushering him to me. I was nervous, touching, talking to him like this as if we were but acquaintances, to try and forget that anything ever happened before because I knew that he needed me right now. But I knew that I shouldn't let any personal feelings bother me.

A few seconds passed before he finally sat up again to move closer beside me. He placed one arm behind me and fully leaned in, his head resting on where they were before. I felt him close his eyes again, snuggling closer to shift himself on a more comfortable position.

I willed my oar to float, carefully maneuvering it to a steady flight so Kurama wouldn't have a hard time. We flew above the skies for what seemed like long, uncomfortable minutes before a sudden rush of violent winds created an unsteady turbulence to ensue. I grabbed Kurama's wrist to keep him from falling off, unconsciously hugging him to me as I tried to steady us once again.

It took me a few minutes to realize our position, with me holding him too closely, my eyes shut and my head rested against his own. But strangely enough, I was comfortable as I was uneasy, that I didn't move from the sudden confusion. I tried to look down to see if he minded, but once again, he was silent. Unmoving. His hand was limp from the wrist I was holding, but I could feel its coldness from where his fingers touched me.

My cheek rested on his forehead, and I noticed that he had stopped bleeding. He seem to have noticed it as well eventually, and he reached up to touch his temples, only to find that none of the crimson blood were sticking to his fingers. "Nothing," he muttered, a look of disbelief on his face.

I nodded. "But does it still hurt?" I asked, taking a hesitant hand to touch the spot he just recently did.

He shook his head once, and I thought I felt him smile. "Not as much as it should," he replied in a quiet whisper. His eyes sank down to a close once again, and his body shifted once to move an inch closer.

I looked down at him, not knowing what to make out of what he had just said. I was about to ask what he meant, when I realized that his breathing had slowed down to an even pace, his shoulders moving in time with his breathing. His eyes were closed, a calm expression on his face. His dark, scarlet hair framed his beautiful face, his lips settled in what seemed like a very small smile.

He had fallen asleep.

I couldn't help but smile at the sight of him, and I found myself holding him closer. I sighed, rubbing my cheek to his perfectly smooth hair. His hand rested lightly between mine and his legs, the other still around my waist. I felt a faint blush come up to my cheeks as I let myself move in to the temptation. My free hand crept up to his free one in a light touch, and I leaned in to let my lips touch one of his closed eyes. "Take care of yourself, Kurama."

He surprised me when he nodded, though I was sure he was still asleep. I looked down at our hands, and watched quietly when his crept up to embrace mine in a warm hold, and made all signs of my uneasiness disappear.

End of chapter 14