Note: The lyrics quoted within are courtesy of whoever wrote the songs. : ) -- Helping others was always a big part of the original 11 Rangers' lives. Although that sometimes got them into situations they'd rather forget ... enjoy, and don't forget to leave feedback, please? CR/DB
Seasons to Remember
Chapter 13: What A Drag!
"Wait! Wait ... stop. Oh, there. That one!" Jared chortled, stabbing at a picture with his index finger. "I can't wait to hear the story behind that one."
"Which one ... oh good Lord!" Kat gulped, blushing beet red to the roots of her hair. "Jason promised me he'd gotten rid of every last one of those."
"He may have, but Kim didn't," Tommy replied, grinning from ear to ear.
"Mom, is that really you?" Lynne gasped, torn between astonishment and merriment.
In the photo, Kat was garbed in what appeared to be a chainmail bikini, brown leather gloves and boots and assorted jewelry. Her hair was dyed a fiery red. In one hand she hefted a sword; in the other she held a leash connected to the metal-studded collar around Jason's neck. As for her husband, he was dressed in a fur loincloth and little else.
"Red Sonja?" Rachel hazarded a guess as to her identity.
Kat nodded. "Jason had been curious to see what I looked like as a redhead, so I indulged him for Zack's Halloween party that year."
"They won first prize," Tommy added.
"So, what was Dad?" Oliver wondered, and Kat's blush deepened.
"Her barbarian boy toy," Tommy snickered.
"But Red Sonja was sworn by her goddess never to give herself to a man unless he bested her in fair combat." Rachel, while more widely read in popular literature than her father, could be just as slow on the uptake as Billy.
"Nine times out of ten, Dad could best Mom," Jared said reasonably. "I guess this was the tenth time."
"If you think Jason and I looked adorable, turn the page and see what Tommy and Kim went as that year."
"Oh no ..." Tommy groaned as Lynne turned the album page. He cringed at the peals of laughter.
Kimberly was decked out in an elaborate ballet costume, complete with strappy bodice, stiff tutu and toe shoes. Tommy was also dressed in ballet apparel, complete with slippers, tights and what appeared to be a cod piece. The two were posed as if dancing.
"I can't think of a ballet where the costume required a cod piece," Rachel murmured with a frown.
"Trini, I never knew your dad could fill out a pair of tights so well," Lynne said in a stage whisper loud enough for everyone to hear.
Tommy blushed as the others guffawed.
"Oh, but you haven't seen the best pic of my Dad 'in drag'," Trini snickered and began flipping through the album.
"Katrina Michelle, don't you dare ..." Tommy scolded, piquing everyone else's curiosity.
Kat knew exactly which photo her fiancé's youngest was searching for. She leaned over to whisper in his ear, "If you didn't want anyone to see it, you should have pulled it from the book."
He scowled at her.
"What I never understood is how Zack could get you guys to do half the weird things you did," Kat continued for the audience in general. "Not even Rocky could cajole you guys into things as well as Zack could."
"Dad always said Uncle Zack's persuasive abilities were part of his charm," Rachel remarked.
"By the way, how did Billy escape this particular indignity?" Kat asked.
Tommy shrugged. "He drew the longest straw."
"Here it is," Trini declared and opened the book wide. The two-page spread was filled with pictures from what appeared to be some sort of variety show. There were photos of Kat in full ballet regalia, Kim in a leotard, but the crowning glory of the showcase was ...
"Oh. My. God!" Lynne gasped, choking on barely suppressed laughter.
Jasmine stammered, "Is that my dad in a blonde wig and baby-doll nightie?"
"Apparently, Aunt Kat, you weren't the only one who tried it as a redhead," Ramon observed, chuckling as he identified his dad in a blue Spandex dress with a British flag emblazoned on the front. Not to mention the red platform boots.
"Who were you guys supposed to be?" Jared asked, breathless with laughter as he eyed the picture of his Uncle Zack dressed in leopard print halter, flares, and sporting a 'do of kinky curls – and were those cones on his head?
"We were supposed to be the Spice Girls," Tommy explained with forced patience and a crimson flush heating his cheeks. "They were a group popular during the mid- '90s."
"They play their stuff on the oldies stations," Jay noted.
"As to why we were dressed that way ..."
~*~
"... give me one good reason why we should go along with this cockamamie idea of yours," Jason demanded as he eyed his costume warily: skin-tight leggings, white tube top with mesh mid-riff sleeveless tee to top it. Completing the outfit were sneakers, a shoulder-length brown wig, fake nose piercing and temporary tattoos.
"Because it's too late to back out," Zack said simply. They were due on stage in less than an hour.
"Don't complain, 'Sporty'," Tommy grumbled. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the slinky little black dress and spiked heels he was going to have to wear. Where had Aisha found high heels in his size? "You've got the most reasonable costume of us all."
"Yeah, you didn't have Aisha attacking your legs with hair remover either," Adam interjected glumly. This was not what he had in mind when he said he'd help out when he and Tanya came home for Thanksgiving.
"Tommy doesn't have to wear a wig," Rocky pouted.
"That's only because I grew my hair out on my own." Even so, Aisha had attacked him with blow dryer and curling iron to get the style just right.
"You grew it out because Kim refused to marry you if you didn't," Jason countered with a knowing grin.
"Well ... that, too," he confirmed with a sheepish grin and glanced at the gold band on his left hand. Had it been six months already?
"I'll tell you all why we're doing this," Billy spoke up as he put the finishing touches on his green makeup. "Marguerite Langly."
Marguerite was a little girl from the beginner's class at the Red Dragon Dojo. She needed a kidney transplant and the family needed help with the medical expenses. The Angel Grove Children's Foundation was staging a talent show as a fund raiser. When approached by the committee to take part, the guys had agreed readily.
"Why couldn't we have done a martial arts demonstration?" Jason grumbled. "Kim's doing gymnastics. Kat's dancing ballet ..."
"... Tanya's singing," Adam added. Looking at his blonde wig and skimpy – whatever (he wouldn't have called it a dress!), he was beginning to wish he'd stayed in New York for the holiday.
"You were all enthusiastic about the routine during the rehearsals," Billy reminded them.
Which was true. They'd gotten a kick out of learning the old dance steps and learning how to lip-synch the words (as none of them but Zack could carry a tune, karaoke was out!).
"That was before we knew we had to dress in drag," Rocky retorted. "Besides, what do you have to complain about? You don't have to go out there in falsies and a wig."
With six guys and only five Spice Girls, someone had to be the odd 'girl' out, and Billy had drawn the longest straw. He, however, had not escaped totally unscathed. He had been recruited to be Master of Ceremonies for the event.
"Perhaps not, but you do not have to appear in public in green make-up and horns and be a demon-cum-Las Vegas lounge lizard," Billy murmured ruefully, glancing down at his outré garb.
"You're Lorne, the guy from Angel," Rocky said helpfully. "He's cool."
"Why do you guys think I waited until almost curtain time to tell you about the costumes," the mastermind behind the Spice 'Girls' said with a wide smile. He was already in costume, sporting Scary Spice's trademark hair 'horns'.
"Where'd you find all this stuff anyway?" Tommy wondered as he caved to the inevitable and began getting dressed. The others were doing likewise.
"Aisha and I combed every theater department and costume shop in a sixty-mile radius," Zack explained.
"I thought Aisha was on the organizational committee and was therefore exempt from sponsoring an act," Billy remarked. Aisha had been the one to persuade him that it would be 'fun' to dress up as a demonic lounge singer.
"She is, but each committee member picked an act to oversee. 'Isha all but drooled over my idea to have us all in drag."
"A woman after your heart," Jason muttered as he tried to figure out how to apply the paste nose stud.
"Ain't she, though," Zack sighed dramatically, and his reaction had Tommy and Jason speculating.
At that moment, Aisha popped into their dressing room to check on them, and she nearly died laughing at the sight of five total hunks primping in front of the mirror. Four of the men scowled in annoyance.
"C'mon, 'Lorne', the show's about to start; I need you on stage," she snickered. "Guys, the three acts preceding yours are, in order, Tanya, Kat and Kim. You can watch them from the wings."
With that, she grabbed Billy's arm and dragged him off.
"Please tell me I do not have to sing ..." his friends heard him plead as he was tugged down the corridor.
"It's for a good cause ... it's for a good cause ..." Jason chanted to himself like a mantra.
"I'm going to kill myself in these shoes," Tommy muttered as he rolled his ankle and stumbled.
"'Posh', you're lopsided; fix your boobs," 'Scary' directed.
"I hope you all remember that I had nothing to do with this," 'Ginger' said in his defense as he applied his lipstick and plumped his cleavage.
"I have to admit, this tops anything you've gotten us into – to date," 'Baby' remarked.
"By the way, Rocky, isn't Sarah doing anything tonight?" 'Sporty' wondered.
"She has her hands full with the girls," Rocky answered.
"Which means, she won't be able to operate the camera!" Adam said brightly, praying for no photographic reminders of this day of infamy.
"Sorry, Adam, but my dad is fully loaded with video and Minolta," Tommy said glumly. "He said he wanted to record this for posterity."
"Your father would," Jason glowered. "Can someone help me with these stupid tattoos?"
By the time Aisha returned, they were ready.
"Oh, don't you guys look precious!" she declared with barely-contained laughter.
"Not one word, Aisha Karan Campbell; not one bloody word," Rocky ground out through clenched teeth, glaring at his childhood friend defiantly.
"Come on; Tanya's up next," his usual partner in mischief tittered.
"Let's go; I want to catch Tanya's performance," Adam said eagerly. He rarely missed the chance to see his wife perform.
"Let's get this over with," Jason mumbled, and the quintet tottered down the hallway on their unfamiliar and unwieldy footwear.
~*~
From the wings, the guys could see Tanya on stage, garbed in a stunning gold lamé evening gown, reclining on the piano, belting out an old standard: I've Got A Crush On You.
"It's been so long since I've heard Tanya sing, I'd forgotten how good she was," Tommy remarked as the melody wrapped itself around them.
"Isn't that Skull at the piano?" Rocky queried.
Sure enough, their one-time nemesis, decked out in white tie and tails, sat at the keyboard providing Tanya's accompaniment.
"He goes by Gene these days," Jason responded. He glanced over at Tommy and frowned. "Bro, now you're lopsided the other way."
"Then you fix 'em," Tommy challenged mutinously.
"Not used to playing with 'em from this angle, eh?" Jason leered as he filled his hands with the foam cups and shifted them about until they sat just right.
"You know, you're awful good at that; plenty of practice, eh?" Tommy shot back, but Jason refused to rise to the bait. However, he couldn't restrain a small grin.
Rousing applause alerted them to the fact that Tanya's number was over. She took her final bow and moved off stage. Adam met her, caught her about the waist and spun her around.
"You were wonderful," he cheered proudly as he moved to kiss her.
"Don't," his wife cautioned him with a wide grin. "You'll smear your lipstick."
Adam pouted.
"Rocky, you're all but falling out of your dress," the chanteuse chided.
"I'm s'posed to," he answered with a haughty sniff.
"Girl Power and a Wonder Bra, huh?" she teased.
"Sh!" Jason hushed. "Kat's on."
All eyes turned toward the stage as the tall blonde floated out to center stage, the picture of ethereal grace. Her piece was from Swan Lake.
"I always wished I could have seen her perform on stage," her fiancé sighed longingly.
"She was something," Tommy murmured, recalling the one time he'd seen her perform with the touring company, "but she's even better now than she was then."
Swept up by the beauty of the performance, the backstage observers felt that it ended much too soon. When Kat at last took her bow, it was all the guys could do to keep Jason from walking out on stage to greet her. They restrained him – barely. However, he was still the first to greet and congratulate his lovely ballerina, handing her a long-stemmed rose.
"How'd he smuggle that up here?" Rocky wondered.
"Yeah, he doesn't have any cleavage to hide things in," Zack added.
Kim was on stage next, but where Jason glowed with pride for the love of his life, Tommy looked downright nervous as the stage hands set up the balance beam.
"Tommy?" Jason queried, noting the pale face under the blusher.
"I wish she'd have chosen anything but the beam," Tommy said tightly, remembering that a bad fall off the beam was what had the doctors telling her to retire from the sport.
"She'll be all right, Tommy," Kat assured him, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "She's been practicing quite a bit, and she's not doing any of the really dangerous tricks."
"I can't believe she wanted to do a beam routine, of all things," he muttered as his wife strode out from the opposing wings.
"With the height of the stage, nothing else would have worked – visually," Aisha spoke up. "This was her request."
"I think I understand why she chose it," Rocky began thoughtfully.
"She left gymnastics in a bad way; she has to prove to herself that she's the master of the beam and not the other way around," Kat finished for him.
"I can see that, but ... Why couldn't she have just played her guitar and sung one of the songs she's written?" Tommy continued pigheadedly. "She loves her music as much as she loves gymnastics."
"She already did that, Tommy," Aisha laughed. "She and I did a duet earlier. Stop being such a worrywart!"
"He can't help it," Jason said in his best friend's defense. "He worries because he cares so much."
"Thanks, Jase."
Just then, Kim's music blared out over the loudspeakers. She had picked a funky, rhythmic James Brown tune to give her performance a little added punch. Get Up Off That Thing soon had everyone clapping.
She mounted the beam, poised and confident, and she never wavered throughout her nearly flawless routine. Still, Tommy heaved a sigh of relief when she dismounted without mishap. As soon as she bounded backstage, he wrapped her in a fierce hug.
"Tommy?" she queried, puzzled by his unexpected reception.
"You had me worried," he murmured.
"But Tommy, I demonstrate on the beam at the gymnastics center all the time," she said. She still worked part-time at the gym even though she was no longer in college.
"C'mon, 'Posh', time to get in our spots," Jason teased, smacking Tommy on the arm.
Kim wriggled out of his arms, took a step back and regarded her fiancé's outfit critically.
"No fair," she grumbled. "You look better in that than I would."
"It's those long legs of his," Aisha consoled her with an impish grin.
"And now for a blast from the past ..." Billy's voice rang out, "... the Spice Girls?"
The dubious emphasis on Girls had the audience tittering already. When the curtain rose, riotous laughter filled the auditorium.
The guys were doing a medley of the group's old hits, opening with their very first.
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
Tell me what you want, what you really really want.
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigzig ha!
Backstage, the girls were practically prostrate with laughter.
"Oh God ...!"
"I can't watch ..."
"They're going to kill themselves in those shoes!"
"Woo-hoo! Shake what yo' mama gave you!"
"Where'd they get their choreography?" Kat gasped.
"Zack studied all the video footage he could find to get authentic stuff," Aisha answered.
"Doesn't Sporty do back flips during this song in the video?" Kim asked.
The opening number segued into the ballad Too Much, and if anything it was even funnier than Wannabe.
"They look ridiculous," Tanya chortled as the guys tried their best to look sexy and sultry.
"Oh, I can't stand it ...." Kim giggled as she doubled over.
As Jason took center stage to belt out the verse, "I need a man, not a boy who thinks he can," Kat was wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
"No wonder they never let us watch them in rehearsals," she said with helpless merriment.
Their set concluded with Spice Up Your Life. By the time the boys reached the chorus, the girls were mimicking their movements.
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh. Go round.
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight!
The guys disappeared backstage as quickly as their high heels could carry them, only to find their friends and significant others awaiting them positioned in their final pose.
"Laugh all you want, but we'll see who's laughing when they crown the winner tonight," Zack warned them.
~*~
"So, who won?" Oliver asked once he could speak again. His sides hurt from laughing so hard. More than one family member was wiping his or her eyes.
"The Tiny Tots Tap Troupe," Kat replied, still bubbling over with mirth.
"Zack always claimed that the whole thing was rigged," Tommy said, his cheeks still flaming.
"You guys did get honorable mention," Kat consoled him. "You might have
won if you'd done your own singing."
To Be Continued ...