By: Milah Luciana Merverosa
A/N: I have a mortal fear
of lawyers. In the words of Twisted Sister, "We're not going to take
it", and I won't. I own nothing. If I did, I wouldn't be here... *grimace*
Kirbee Angel is my very first review! Thank you!!! *Grins sheepishly* I have
all sorts of happenings in my life to fuel my writings, so stay with me. It's
going to be an interesting ride...
For everyone else who hasn't reviewed, please do so...
We're no longer in flashback... For a brief moment in time, hehe...
Kind regards,
~Milah Luciana Merverosa
Chapter eleven
"G-d Severus, if he heard us I'll just die." I said as we floated his unconscious body to my room. It was almost time for his transformation.
"Remember that we have given him the potion, and that he will be of no danger. If, for some reason, he does do something just zap him." The body dropped onto my bed, "The pain from transforming will wake him, if he doesn't wake sooner. I'm going to soundproof the chamber so that he doesn't disturb the students. Good night, Milah. I'm connecting this hearth just in case. Sleep well." He whipped around and left me alone on the night of a full moon with a fully grown werewolf.
"Remus? Can you hear me?" I had to know if he heard us. "Remus. Wake up!" I gently shook him. His eyes opened narrowly. He looked very weak, and had turned very pale, almost like a corpse. "I wanted you to know where you were. We've given you the potion already. Do you know who I am?"
His reply was a long time in coming, and the suspense was killing me. "You're my wife. That's what you are." His body began to convulse, and his transformation began. The fact that he had lost his mind was besides the point. He apparently didn't hear us, or he didn't care…
The transformation took twenty minutes. First he began to sprout hair, then his face became misshapen. His arms and legs turned into paws. It was unlike anything that I had ever seen before, and nothing could have prepared me for what I bore witness to that night. It was amazing. I always thought that he was a good looking man, but I never saw a real live werewolf. I was unprepared for his sheer animalistic beauty. Gray and shabby, but beautiful all the same. His pale yellow eyes shone as if they had always been that way. I wondered if his eyes were that color at birth, or had been acquired after the bite.
Suddenly, all became still. He just lay there, still as death. I had been sitting in a chair near the bed to give him his space, but now that he was finished I pulled the chair closer. Then I knelt down beside the bed to look him in his eyes. "Remus honey, are you okay? Can you hear me?" He still wasn't moving. "Answer me Remus. I've never seen this before. Give me a grunt, shake, some form of movement to show me that you're okay…" I placed my hand on his neck and stroked all the way down his side. He shivered. "That's good enough for me…" I picked up a book that I had been reading, and cracked it open. "Twitch your ears if you want me to read to you." He picked up his head this time, making me smile. "I know all your weaknesses, Remus Lupin, and books are one of them."
We read William Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing", and he seemed to have come around quite a bit. I had moved to the floor so I could stretch out at about Act II Scene II. By Act III, Remus was curled up in my lap. I lay my book down, and he picked his head up.
"Remus, I'm tired. You may have the day off, but I have to teach tomorrow. I would like to go to bed." I proceeded to change into my nightgown. It wasn't the first time he had seen me change. I turned around, ready to get some sleep. "Just because you're a wolf doesn't mean you can kick me out of my own bed." He lay smack in the middle. "Lay at the foot like normal pets do…" He picked up his head, looked at me belligerently, and plopped back down. "Please don't make me pick you up and place you on the floor…" I crossed the room to lay down and upon sitting on the edge of the bed, I stroked him. "You make quite a stunning wolf, Remus. Not that you weren't beautiful before." He actually stood and rested his snout on my cheek. "Thank you for moving, Teacher Remus…" I crawled into the bed and knew no more. I was exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~(F/B) *~*~*~*~*~
"Milah, did you see the Daily Prophet?" Remus was taking a break from his studies to make sure that I was back on my feet.
"No, why?" I walked over to where he was sitting, plopped a plate of breakfast in front of him, and he showed me the headline, 'War has begun: Voldemort vs. the World'
"They could call me out. The Order of the Phoenix, I mean." He put down the paper, wrapped his arms around my waist, and rest his head on my stomach. "I love you so much, Milah."
I was looking down at him, and I stroked his hair. I always did it when he was sad; it made him feel better because he knew that I cared. We had our own language, just Remus and me. "I know that you do. You tell me all the time." I lifted his chin to look me in the face. "We've got to talk." I pulled up another kitchen chair to sit beside him. He was searching me for answers. "I received an interesting owl yesterday." I took both of his hands. Our wedding, the one that had a date that was continually being set back, was two weeks away. How do you tell someone what I had to say? "The Ministry needs me. I'm well enough to fight… I have to go, Remus. I have to go…"
"No Milah, you don't have to go… You can't do this to me. I can't take losing you. I almost lost you last time, and I can't live through that again. I just can't! Please, stay here; if not for yourself, for me." He squeezed my hands. "Please Milah, don't leave me. You still have ages of sick leave. I could tell them that you're pregnant, and you could use maternity leave… Stay with me. I can't lose you."
"I'm already packed. I leave tonight." He fell to pieces. "I waited until the last minute to tell you because I wanted to have as much of the normal you as possible. Now you're going to cry all night." He looked at me with the most absentminded look any person could have.
"Why?" He croaked. "Why do you have to leave? Do I not love you enough?"
*****(Present Day)*****
He took the fresh robes that lay folded neatly on the bureau and quietly dressed himself. Remus didn't feel so weak as he had last month. He didn't want to wake Milah just yet. "G-d, she's beautiful…" He crawled next to her, lay down, and encircled his arms around her. She sighed. "You belong in my arms, you just do." He whispered as he placed his head down and fell asleep.
I opened my eyes to see that the sun was shining a little too brightly. It was time for me to start my second day. Remus should be human again. It was only then that I noticed that he had me ensnared in his arms. "Remus… Get up." He slowly opened his eyes.
"Good morning, Milah. Did you sleep well?" He never moved his arms, but allowed me to turn over and face him.
"Not really, but I'm sure that I had a better night's sleep than you…" I tried to separate from him to get dressed.
"Don't go. Your next class isn't for another hour. Stay with me… I want to talk to you about something."
'Oh no. Here it comes…' "But I'm hungry." Any excuse…
"You can eat in a bit. It won't take long, I promise." His grip on me tightened.
"Please, you're hurting me."
"I still love you, you know. We could pick up where fate left off. Start a family… We were happy once, and I know that we could be that way again."
"Remus, you aren't thinking clearly."
"I am. I assure you. After all that I heard yesterday, I still love you enough to turn my entire world upside down for you." He lifted my left sleeve, confirming his suspicions. "People can change… Whatever made you do this…" He pointed to my mark. "You aren't like that anymore. I don't care that the baby wasn't mine." His eyes filled with tears. "I would have still loved it as my own." He placed a hand on my tummy, checking to see if another one was there. "I'm forty-two years old, Milah. I'm not getting any younger." His hand traveled to my hip "You're the only woman who found out what I am, and didn't run. Please, give us a chance; give me a chance…" He placed his index finger on my heart. "Let me in here again. I can make you happy." He fingered the chain that I wore around my neck. He pulled it from beneath my nightdress to see what was on it. "That is a beautiful Star. Where did you get it?"
"What, this old thing? The Elvish jeweller that I worked for made it for me for Chanukah about ten years ago."
"The emeralds are a perfect Slytherin green…" He looked at the other thing that hung from my chain. "Your ring… You still have it!" He brightened considerably.
"I guess so…" I hadn't realized that it was there. Like my Star of David, the engagement ring that he bought me all those years ago had become a part of me. It was very simple and plain. I didn't want anything extraordinary. A single square diamond solitaire supported by a white gold band. I didn't even notice them anymore. "I really need to get ready, Remus…" He let go this time.
"So, will you?" His weak frame stood.
"What?" I proceeded to gather the robes that I would wear for the day. He placed his arms around my body, like he used to do. He grabbed my hand, twirled me, and I landed easily in his arms.
"You remember teaching me that? You taught me to dance and I taught you to speak…" He salsa danced with me, and I swear, I never felt so safe in my life.
"Will I what?" I asked again. Our bodies touched as he bent me backwards for a difficult dip.
"Will you let me in your life again? Can we pick up where we left off?" He raised me to a standing position and gathered up the clothes that I had dropped.
"I don't know Remus. I'm all messed up inside. Why would you want me?"
He wrapped his arms around my waist, yet again. "I used to ask myself that exact question every morning, but then, you made me realize just how lucky I was to be loved by you. I stopped questioning your feelings because I was afraid that one day, you would grow tired of having a wolf in your bed. I realized that the little things that you did were ways of showing your feelings. Last night you put yourself in a very unstable position. You didn't have to let me stay with you, but you did because I was scared." We were both facing the open window, and the scenery was just beautiful. A fine September morning. "I didn't know what to feel last night." His chin rested on my neck. "You read to me, and you let me in last night. What about forever Milah. Marry me… I love you, Milah." His voice trailed off and he left sizzling kisses down my neck.
"Remus please…" I was succumbing to him, and we both knew it. "You are asking for forever, and I can't promise myself today. I'm crazy inside. That's why I left…" I dropped the clothes in my hands- again, and I turned to face him. He looked so tired and weak as I placed my hands on his chest. I stroked his hair. "I'm not ready. I have to have something in order to give it to you, and I just don't have it. I don't have me. I don't know who I am… As much as I'd love to be with you, it won't work unless I know who I am, and what I want."
"I'll see you… Thank you for staying with me, Milah." He left me alone with my thoughts.
*~*~*~*~*~(F/B) *~*~*~*~*~
Leaving was the hardest thing that I had ever done. He would stay at the house and keep it up for me, while I fought in a war that was not my own. Who's side would I fight on? I didn't even know… Whatever side I picked, I knew that I'd kill someone that I knew. War was never good.
"The Knight Bus is here." Remus was in terrible shape.
"I'll be fine, Remus. I won't let them get the best of me."
"What about the wedding?"
"It'll still be here when I get back… I'm not going to be gone for that long."
"I have got this feeling that you'll be gone longer than we both think." He put his hand on my cheek. "You don't have to go, you know."
"You worry too much. Keep that up and you'll look old like me." He laughed weakly at my statement.
"But you aren't old, you're only twenty six." He was openly crying now. "I love you…"
"I love you too." The door to the bus closed, and Remus waved until the bus disappeared."
*****(present day)*****
In the passing weeks, anxiety between Remus, Severus, and myself continued to grow. Finally one morning, I simply got sick of it. I wandered down to Severus' private sleeping quarters, charmed the door open, and threw back his curtains. "Get up dammit!" I was furious, "Get up Severus!"
"What's your problem?" He looked absolutely murderous. "Close those curtains… I hate sunlight."
"You. You're my problem. Get up; get dressed" I threw his robes at his head.
"But…"
"No buts… Get your ass out of bed." Finally, he rose to get dressed.
"You're gorgeous when you're angry. I'm sorry that I never saw you at work…"
"Shut up. Let's go."
"Where are we going, Milah?"
"Get Lupin…" I saw a grotesque sneer appear on his face at the thought of Remus getting the same wakeup that he did.
Once again I charmed the door open, threw back his curtains, and tore the covers off the bed. "Get up Lupin. Now!"
He sat up quite quickly, and upon seeing me he said, "What's the matter? Are you okay?" I felt bad getting him up once I saw him. The full moon was coming, and he looked haggard. He was rubbing his face.
"No, I am most certainly not okay. I can't take the tension between us. It's eating away at my insides!"
"But Milah, there is no tension between us. You know how I feel about you…" He eyes were mere slits. He looked unhappy and sick.
"Oh, but there is." I turned around sharply. "Severus, get in here. Shut the door." I stared daggers at both of them, "We're all adults here… Why can't the two of you conduct yourselves accordingly?"
"Close the curtains… I can't stand the light."
"I wouldn't play with her, Severus. She really looks mad, and I don't have the energy to fight. Really, what's got you all in a huff?"
"The two of you won't cut it! That's the whole issue here… I'm not ready to be with anyone other than myself. I've been here for nearly eight weeks, and I've had nothing but hostility between the two of you because you're both vying for my affections!" My head was about to explode. "If you don't fix this… I don't know what I'll- ah-" An ear splitting pain shot through my entire body, and I collapsed again.
"It's Gurth." I heard Severus say, "Lupin, go get Albus. I'll move her on the bed." His hand felt my head, "Mobilicorpus! You're going to be fine. I have a lovely potion already made up for you…" I just knew that something unpleasant was in it, but at that point, I didn't care. My head was spinning, I couldn't tell reality from dream. Blackness ensued.
*~*~*~*~*~(F/B) *~*~*~*~*~
"Good luck James!" Lily screamed from the stands. They were all screaming encouraging words to the Gryffindor team. I was used to the odd stares by now. The only green robes in an all red stand… Nobody called me names, or anything. This particular game was Slytherin vs. Gryffindor, and Madame Hootch, the new flight instructor, had just let the quaffle fly.
"Oh, hey everyone! Milah is here!" Peter said. Lily brightened, quite proud of herself for setting Remus and myself up for the Halloween Ball on Friday.
Remus whipped around and said, "Where've you been?"
"Oh, you know… Had to visit my team since I didn't feel well enough to play." I was quite tired.
"That means that Gryffindor is assured an easy win." Sirius appeared out of nowhere, as he always seemed to.
"Not a chance." I said with an evil grin. "I'm afraid our beaters are more than a match for the rest of your team…"
"What? Are you talking about that greasy git Snape, and his little boy toy Flint?" His face turned red. "You're a filthy Slytherin like the rest of their lot." He turned to his friends, "I don't know how you can let that," pointing his finger at me "defile our stands."
"Calm yourself, Sirius." A healthy looking Remus stood between myself and Sirius. "She could bloody you up bad, before you even saw it coming. Fights like a man, this one…" He used his thumb to point at me behind him.
"Bring it on, Slytherin bitch!" He whipped off his cloak like he was some big-shot karate master.
Remus was right, he didn't know what hit him. I easily pushed Remus out of harm's way because he was light as a feather. Like a cat, I leapt up two rows of benches while whipping out my wand. I grabbed him by his collar and flung him down on the cement. All those years of misery paid off... The fight was over in seconds. I put my knee in his groin and said, "It would serve you well to keep your comments to yourself. I bear no ill will towards you, Sirius Black. I promise that next time, you won't make it out breathing." I stood up, dusted myself off, and left the Gryffindor stands.
Someone grabbed my arm, "Milah, please don't leave on his account. He can be a pig sometimes."
"I really should be back on my own turf, Lily. I'm not a Gryffindor, and I shouldn't be sitting where I'm not wanted."
Remus grabbed my shoulders, "I don't want you to go…"
"You're looking well today." He smiled at my noticing.
"Thank you, I'm feeling great today. At least I was, until Sirius decided to play retarded." It was funny, and I laughed.
"Send her back where she belongs…" Sirius screamed from where Peter was trying to help him with the cuts and bruises on his body. "You don't need a whore like that, Mooney. We'll find you a decent girl…"
"You've gone too far, Sirius." He yelled. Lily walked over to him and gave him the hardest slap in his life. "Don't listen to him, please…" It was too late because I left without another word. I beat the snot out of a sixth year boy that was twice my size, and that was enough.
Thursday night quickly rolled about, and chaos was erupting in the Gryffindor Common Room. "Lily!" Remus whined, "but Lily! I can't dance!"
She picked her red head up from James' shoulder, and her nose out of a book. "Remus, you'll be fine. I promise." She resumed reading.
"Stay here, you shouldn't go with that anyway." Sirius growled. He was still more than sore about being beaten up by a girl. Nobody let him hear the end of it.
"Sod off!" They were not getting along well at all. Remus stalked out of the common room in a huff.
James and Lily were giving Sirius the cold shoulder, and it was driving him mad. "Why is everybody so mad with me?" He looked around helplessly.
"Don't be daft Sirius. Nobody's mad with you." It was the first voice to acknowledge his existence in days.
"Shut up, Peter!"
James shot in the air, "You had better cut out this mean-streak before nobody speaks to you." He left the Common Room as well. It was just Sirius, Peter, and Lily.
"Lily…" Sirius whined.
"You've got to leave this alone, Sirius. She's a nice girl, even if she is a Slytherin. Would you be a different person just because you were in a different house?"
"No."
"Lay off it then because Remus has got it bad. He really likes this one. He doesn't get many girls to like him because he's different." They knew about his secret, but no one else did. Most girls just assumed that he was weird, and avoided him. "She's really nice… Just get to know her…"
His eyes grew wide, "But Lily, you don't understand… I know her very well. I saw her snogging in the hall the other day."
"Right then. I'm sure that you would have noticed the Gryffindor patch on the guy she was with?" She tapped her foot impatiently.
"I didn't wait around to see. It was disgusti-" His mouth flew open, "But it wasn't… It was Snape!"
"I'll believe that when I see it…" She stalked out with Peter on her heels.
"Guys, come back…" Sirius whined.
*** *
A/N: What do you think?
I'll never know if you don't review... Even if it's short because it's the only
way I know that people are reading. Check out a picture of Milah on the link at
my author page. Check out my Live Journal too!
This is my absolute favourite chapter. You see glimpses of the life they had
before, and you also see how she became a proficient fighter. Got some Milah
action in there. Her battle between good and evil is raging, and it's driving
her mad... Oh, and what did you think of the Sirius tension? Should I develop
this?
Also have some Remus love up in here. *wipes sweat off brow* Oh he's hot! It's
almost a shame that he- ********!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!! Oh, I'm evil. I know...
Can't tell you. I'd be forced to kill you...
Later babes!
~Milah