Note: Hopefully, you haven't put the kleenex too far away; you're gonna need a few. *evil grin* (Btw, before you think we're cashing in on the current SARS virus scare, this was written months before it raised its ugly head. Or maybe we're psychic. : ) Decide for yourselves ...) Happy Easter/Passover/whatever to everyone; please send us a couple of chocolates if you liked this chapter? (And if you're being selfish and decide to eat all the goodies yourselves, at least pass the feedback box, will you?) CR/DB
Seasons To Remember
Chapter 25: Good-bye, My Heart
"Look, here's one from our wedding," Rachel pointed out, noticing the family shot the photographer had worked so hard to get. It included her parents, Jared's family, the Olivers and the DeSantoses.
Tommy saw the picture and felt his throat constrict and his eyes sting with unshed tears. The photos of Kim at Jared and Rachel's wedding were the last ones taken of his beloved wife.
Kat sensed, more than saw, his inner turmoil and reached over to give his hand a supportive squeeze. Having just relived her first Christmas without Jason, she knew that these memories would be difficult for Tommy to share.
"Mom died not too long after this," Jay murmured softly, feeling his chest grow tight. As he'd comforted his wife moments ago, so she offered the same to him now.
"We'd just returned from our honeymoon ...." Jared added, his heart still heavy with memories of loss. "I'm just so glad Rachel insisted we come home early. If I hadn't gotten to say good-bye to Aunt Kim, too ...."
Not having been able to say good-bye to their own father had left the Scott children with a sense of incompleteness that all the years had yet to erase, and of the three children, Jared was probably the closest to Kim, as she virtually had been his second mother.
"I know she must have been at the time, but Aunt Kim doesn't look sick in any of these," Jasmine noted, not exactly sure how to proceed.
"She had been, with what she thought was a little cold," Kat explained. "Just a case of the sniffles, a little chest congestion, aches ... just the usual. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"After the wedding, it seemed like it had turned into bronchitis over night," Tommy added. "At the time, she joked that she had held the worst back by sheer force of will so she wouldn't miss the wedding. We just didn't know that it was so much worse ...."
"Why didn't Mom go to the doctor right away like we begged her?" Trini asked, tears hanging on her lashes and anger in her tone. "Maybe if she'd gone sooner, they could have nipped the viral infection in the bud."
"No, honey, as much as I'd like to believe that, Dr. Lin told me that they wouldn't have been able to do anything. The virus was just too new and different at that time," Tommy said, feeling the same sense of helplessness he had three years ago.
"Besides, you know how Mom always hated doctors. She had to be really sick before she'd go," Jay reminded his sister. "I never understood that, though."
"Your mother just couldn't shake the feeling that every time she visited doctors, they took something away from her that she valued." Tommy's voice was hoarse, emotion clogging it.
"How do you mean?" Oliver wondered.
"It was a doctor who told her she had to give up gymnastics," Kat began patiently, feeling some sympathy for Kim's reaction, "and it was a doctor who told her she could never bear another child."
"At least the doctors weren't the ones who told her she was going to die," was Tommy's quiet comment. "She'd figured that one out all on her own."
~*~
"Hello, Kim," Kat said brightly as she entered the hospital room. Her dear friend was almost lost amid the tubes and machinery surrounding her bed, and Kat did her best not to let it show how pained she was to see Kimberly thus.
The 'cold' she'd had at Jared's wedding had taken a nasty turn. By the time they'd convinced her to see the doctor, they'd all known it was extremely serious. She'd been hospitalized promptly and had been there now for three days. The physicians couldn't seem to lock down a treatment, and Kim wasn't the only one being treated for the unusual virus.
"Hey, Kat," Kim greeted her, turning away from the window to give her a smile. She looked so tired ... too thin ... pale ... her eyes sunken in and ringed with dark smudges ... her cheeks hollow .... The viral infection was taking its toll on the lively former gymnast and active mother.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Kat asked, finding the question inane but needing something to get the conversation going.
"I feel like shit," Kim groused, giving voice to the words no one else would speak around her. "I hate hospitals. I hate being sick." She waved towards the window where sunshine poured in. "It's beautiful out there. It's Saturday. I should be home puttering in my garden, not stuck here."
A coughing fit overcame Kimberly – great hacking coughs that made the throat ache just to hear them, accompanied by shudders that racked the body.
Kat was silent and waited for the spasm to pass, aching with the need to alleviate her friend's suffering but helpless to offer any relief.
"T-the chills are the worst," Kim continued through chattering teeth. "My muscles clench so tight that I hurt, and I can't get warm."
"Here," Kat offered and helped tuck the blanket more closely around Kim's shoulders. She was grateful to be able to do something useful.
"Where's Tommy?" she wondered as she took a seat next to the bed, her gaze roving over the flowers and cards filling the bedside table. Tommy had been all but glued to this wife's side from the moment her 'cold' landed her in the hospital.
"Emergency at the dojo – pipes burst. Some things the boss just has to take care of himself," Kim sighed with a wry smile.
"Surely Rocky could have come and pitched in ...."
"I chased him off," Kim cut her off, to the blonde's surprise. "I needed him to go for a bit. It's ... hard being strong for both of us."
At her words, a visible change came over Kimberly. She looked even weaker and more frail than before. Vulnerable. Scared. Kat hadn't realized she was so bad – but then, Kim hadn't wanted them to.
"The fearless leader of the Power Rangers is going to pieces," Kim went on in a rough whisper. "This is so hard on him because there's nothing he can do. There's no monster's butt to kick or thingamabob to retrieve with a magical cure. He's helpless. All he can do is wait."
"And we all know how he hates waiting," Kat joked. It was a tiny thing, but Kim flashed her a brief smile, which cheered Kat immensely. However, the humor didn't last.
"Kat, I'm fighting this with all I have, but I don't think I'm going to win this battle," Kim confessed, tears in her eyes.
"Kim, don't talk like that!" her best friend exclaimed automatically, trying to think of words of comfort.
"I can feel it, Kat ... like that time Lord Zedd was draining my powers," Kim went on, needing to share this realization with someone to somehow lessen her burden, and she knew she couldn't ask Tommy and the kids to be the ones to help her carry it. "Every day, little by little, I feel my strength slipping away. I'm like the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dyke, only instead of keeping the ocean out, I'm trying to keep it in. I fight and I fight, trying to hang on, but I don't know if it's going to be enough ... I just don't think I'll win this one.
"Promise me, Kat, that if anything happens to me, you'll look after Tommy for me," Kim said with sudden fierceness. A trembling hand shot out to touch Kat's. "He's going to need help, and you're the only one I trust to do the job right. The kids don't know him like you and I do."
"You know I would," Kat promised earnestly, clasping that frail hand. "But I hope I don't have to."
"Neither do I. I gave him up once, and when I got him back, I swore never again!"
The two women shared knowing smiles, and their hand clasp lingered. Kim's brave façade faltered, and she chewed at her lower lip anxiously. Kat smiled bravely for her, and she was able to marshal her strength again.
"So, have you heard from Jared and Rachel yet?" Kim wondered, deliberately changing the subject, needing to lighten the mood.
"Kim, they're on their honeymoon, not a vacation," Kat laughed.
"I know, but all the other kids sent us postcards that said, 'Glad you're not here!' I just figured they'd continue the tradition."
"Actually, they arrived home last night," Kat revealed.
Kim blinked in surprise. "They were supposed to be gone for another week."
"I know. All Jared would say was that Rachel woke him up in the middle of the night and told him they had to get home right away."
A low chuckle escaped Kim. "Billy did the same thing while on his honeymoon with Connie, remember? Something to do with an experiment he was working on."
Kat recalled the incident fondly; it was so typically Billy, and Rocky never let him forget he short-changed his little sister on her honeymoon. Aloud, she said, "I sure do. Maybe Rachel spotted a new astronomical phenomenon while they were lying on the beach."
Privately, she had the feeling that Lynne had called Rachel to tell her about Kim's failing health, and Rachel didn't want to worry Jared unduly.
~*~
Tommy hit the entrance of Angel Grove Community Hospital at a clip just shy of a run. He hadn't wanted to leave Kim alone, but the busted pipes had flooded the dojo. Kim insisted he go take care of it, promising to nap until he returned. He'd tried calling Kat to come sit with her, but she hadn't been home. He just couldn't shake the feeling that as long as Kimberly wasn't alone, she wouldn't ... leave him.
He couldn't say die. He couldn't even contemplate it. He didn't want to even think such a thing could happen. He couldn't lose her after all this time; she'd been a part of his life – the other half of his soul – since he was sixteen. Now, after thirty-seven years of marriage ... it was unthinkable. He just knew he wouldn't be able to go on without her.
Tommy forced his fears aside. He had to think positively. Kim would get better. And the two of them would live long enough to see their great-grandchildren ....
As he exited the elevator on Kim's floor, he spied her doctor at the nurses' station.
"Dr. Lin," he called out in greeting.
"Oh, good day, Mr. Oliver," the elderly Oriental physician replied. She was reputed to be the best in the field of respiratory ailments.
"How's Kimberly?" he asked anxiously.
The doctor's face was grave. "She is not responding to this latest treatment," she began, "and she is not alone in this regard. I am consulting with a colleague of mine on the East Coast on another possible treatment.
"She is weak but otherwise stable for the moment."
"I wish there was something more you could do," Tommy sighed helplessly.
"As do I. This virus is a mutated form of something else; once we isolate the base, then it might be possible to better formulate a treatment."
"I wish we'd brought her in sooner."
"Had you brought her in at the first sign of sniffles, it would not have done any good, I'm afraid," the physician said sadly. "For now, take comfort from the fact that she has not slipped into a coma; as long as she remains conscious and stable, she has a chance of recovery. She lives to fight another day. Now, if you will excuse me ...."
"Thanks, Dr. Lin," Tommy murmured, and he continued on to Kimberly's room. He supposed no news was good news at this point.
He pushed open the door to his wife's private room. At least they'd been able to determine that she wasn't contagious. As bad as it was seeing Kimberly hooked up to the IVs and respirator, he doubted he could have borne seeing her in an isolation unit.
To his great relief, Tommy saw Kat sitting with Kim, and the sound of his wife's laughter – weak though it was – did his heart a world of good.
"Hey, Beautiful, I'm back," he announced, striding across the room quickly and giving Kimberly a kiss before acknowledging Kat's presence.
"You're back awful soon," Kim noted.
Kat abandoned her bedside seat for him, and he settled down before answering. "Jay and Lynne shooed me off ... said I was more of a nuisance than a help."
Kim smiled at his pout and remarked, "They're all too familiar with your plumbing skills."
~*~
Kat watched the by-play between her friends and felt a tug at her heartstrings. Both knew how serious the situation was, and both were trying to be brave for the other. It was almost more than she could bear.
"I'll be back in a little while," she said, but it was doubtful if either one had heard her. She left the room, glancing back and offering a silent prayer that they would not have to know the loss she had.
Needing a moment to herself, she headed downstairs to the lobby then out to the hospital's east lawn with its marvelous gardens. It was a shame Kimberly's room didn't overlook them; she would have loved the flowers. It was a quiet, restful haven, soothing to the troubled spirit.
Kat found an unoccupied bench and took a seat. She felt the sting of tears as she looked up into the clear blue sky.
It had been sixteen years since Jason died ....
Jason, my love, I know I often wished that I could have been there with you when you left me, but now I'm grateful you went quickly. I don't think I could have sat beside you waiting for you to die.
~*~
Tommy sat on the edge of Kim's bed, gently stroking her grey-tinged locks as she took a much-deserved rest. There had been quite a parade of visitors ... first, Jared and Rachel came by. Then, Oliver and Jasmine – they were due to head home soon; they had planned to stay on a bit after the wedding. Trini and Ramon .... Jay and Lynne finally made it once the flood waters had receded. Rocky had dropped by briefly, as had Billy ... She had so many visitors, it was as if they were drawn there for a reason – one he didn't want to even contemplate. Although they'd come at comfortable intervals, Kim was all worn out.
He was glad it was just the two of them now as he looked down with love-mixed-with-concern at the woman who had stolen his heart the first time he laid eyes on her. He was scared. She looked so fragile ....
"Don't leave me, Kim," he implored, a tear slipping past his control. He hadn't meant to say the words, but they wouldn't be held back. "I lost you once, and it nearly killed me. I don't think I could bear losing you again."
"You'll never lose me, Tommy," Kim murmured drowsily as she woke from her doze. "You've had my heart from that very first day .... You'll always have it, no matter what."
"I know, but I like having the rest of you to hold on to, too," he responded, trying – needing – to keep it light.
"I like it when you hold me," she sighed with a wistful smile. "I always feel so safe and warm and loved ...."
That was Tommy's cue to carefully wrap his arms around her and pull her close – doctor's orders be damned!
"You know, I'm not afraid to die – not really," she murmured thoughtfully, her gaze distant. "I haven't been since we were Rangers. At first, it scared me that I might die when we fought Rita's monsters, and after cheating death so many times, I began to feel invincible. But then Trini died, and Jason ....
"Now, I know that when I die, I'll go to a place where all good Power Rangers go, and I won't be alone. Two of my dearest friends will be waiting for me. And I'll wait there for you."
She smiled up at him with such love in her eyes that Tommy felt a lump in his throat.
"Kim, don't ...!" he choked out, just barely keeping his exclamation from being a sob.
"You've watched me face death before – lots of times," she reminded him gently.
"Yeah, and I hated it each and every time. I hated it then; I hate it now," he said sullenly.
She laughed softly. "Just like then, nobody's gonna take me from you without a fight."
"That's my girl," Tommy murmured with a smile of encouragement. He kissed the top of her head.
"... so tired ...." she yawned.
"Rest, Beautiful. You'll feel stronger when you wake up," he advised, trying not to think of how frequently she needed those naps. He shifted to lay her back on the pillows.
"No," she said sleepily. "Hold me, Tommy. I want you to hold me while I rest."
"Anything you want." He tucked her more comfortably into his side, hugging her too-thin body. He could feel the onset of those body-racking chills. He held her tighter.
"Don't I get a g'night kiss?" she slurred with child-like petulance.
"How could I forget."
"Tha's my Tommy."
He tilted her chin up and placed a tender kiss on her lips. "Good night, Beautiful. I love you."
"... love you, too, Tommy. Always ...." With that quiet declaration of her feelings, Kim drifted off into a contented sleep.
Tommy continued softly stroking her hair and watching as her expression eased. She was at peace as she snuggled up against him.
She never woke up.
~*~
Wednesday found the Oliver family and their friends at Angel's Rest Cemetery saying their final good-byes to their friend, their mother, their wife.
Long after the prayers had been said, the mourners had taken their leave, and the casket lowered into the ground, Tommy stood at the gravesite, unable to tear himself away from Kimberly's side.
How long he stood there, numb and empty, he couldn't say. He wasn't aware of anything until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Tommy, it's time to go," Kat said gently, her heart aching for her friend's pain.
"I can't, Kat. I can't leave her."
"I know, Tommy, but you have to." She remembered how useless words had seemed when she had stood as Tommy did now, saying a final good-bye to her heart.
"It hurts, Kat. More than I ever dreamed possible."
"It will get better in time, I promise."
"I miss her."
"I miss Jason, too, but I know he's still with me, looking out for me. Just as Kim will still be with you, looking out for you," she assured him. "At least, you got to say good-bye."
He turned to face her – hurt, lost, alone, helpless. She reached out to him, pulling him into a comforting hug.
Tommy let his tears fall at last.
~ * ~
For a moment, Tommy couldn't continue. Three years had managed to dull the sharp edge of the pain – three years and the love and support of all those around him.
No one else seemed to be able to speak, either.
Then, Tommy's throat loosened a little, and he said, "I never told anyone this before, but I had the strangest dream the night before the funeral."
"About Mom?" Trini ventured, wiping her eyes. Talking about her mother's death ... recalling her father's struggles with his grief, always made her wonder what she would do if she ever lost Ramon. Quickly, she shoved the thought away. She couldn't bear thinking of it.
"No, actually, it was about Jason," he confessed.
"Jason?" Kat gasped in amazement.
"In it, we were shooting baskets in the park and having a talk – just like when we were in high school," he explained unselfconsciously. It felt good to be able to share this after so many years of keeping it to himself. The time never seemed right – until now.
"He started out by saying that Kim would have come to visit me, but I was still holding her back. I had to let her go so she could be free to live again.
"Then, he said that it wasn't time for me to join them yet." Here, he paused, gathering his courage to admit just how bad things had been for him. He stared down at his hands, which he was wringing together. "At the time, I really wanted to crawl in the grave with Kim."
"I felt that way, too, when Jason died," Kat murmured, letting him know he was not alone in such intense despair. He glanced up at her with a smile of appreciation, then chuckled softly.
"Jason then said, 'Snap out of it, Ranger; you have a job to do'."
"And I bet old instincts kicked in," Kat teased gently. "Did you snap to attention?"
Tommy stuck his tongue out at her and confessed, "Jase always knew how to get through my thick skull. He went on to tell me that the kids still needed a father figure, and by default, that job was mine.
"'Your time will come,' he said, 'and Kim will be here waiting for you – probably grumbling about how long it took you'."
That comment had the whole family snickering, and Tommy looked appropriately wounded.
"Then he promised to look after Kim for me the way I'd looked after Kat for him." He paused thoughtfully, taking Kat's hand once again, glancing at the ring he'd placed on her finger. When he looked up, his eyes glimmered with welling tears.
"I think ... no, I know that the only reason I was able to get through
the funeral – was able to let Kimberly go – was knowing that Jason was
there for her since I couldn't be."
To Be Continued ...