Note: The final countdown towards the end begins -- now: 3 …
Okay, Tommy/Kim fans, you knew it was going to happen eventually,
so don't kill us, please? This was hard enough to write when you really
want both your characters with someone else! Please pass the feedback box
if you enjoyed it anyway? DB/CR
Seasons To Remember
Chapter 26: The Healing Touch
"That's a very nice thought," Kat murmured as Tommy finished. "I like the idea of our loved ones watching out for each other – and us – wherever they are now. Waiting for us."
The others nodded pensively, giving soft assent. Then, Jay spoke up. His voice was hesitant, but while he was genuinely glad for his father and mother-in-law and their engagement, there was something that niggled at his mind.
"Please don't get me wrong, Dad, but … how come you got over Mom's death so quickly, to the extent that you've asked Aunt Kat to marry you? I mean, Uncle Jason's been gone for nineteen years; compared to that, three years seem like a relatively short time …"
"Are you implying I loved your mother less than Kat loved Jason?" Tommy bristled, aware that it was a legitimate question … and also one he'd asked himself when he'd felt his feelings for Katherine deepen.
"No! Not at all; I'm sorry if I gave that impression. I know how much you cared for Mom," his son hastened to reassure him. "But still … Aunt Kat loved Uncle Jase just as much, and she never looked at another guy until now. Why could you do it? I'd really like to know," he added, floundering a little. The very last thing he wanted to do was cause his father more pain than what remembering that sad time had already done.
Seeing that Tommy was momentarily at a loss for words, Kat decided to come to his help. After all, it was something they had discussed before, when they were deciding on how to break the happy news to their family.
"Our situations were rather different, Jay," she said gently. "Just think – aside from the fact that you had at least some warning due to Kim's illness, some time to anticipate the worst – when Jason died so unexpectedly in that accident, Oliver and Lynne were still in high school, Jared in 5th grade and I was working full time. To be blunt, I was far too busy to rearrange our lives, to make sure that I could send all of my children to college the way Jason and I had planned, to find the funds for Jared's skating lessons, to just go on … there simply was no time for anything, or anyone else. Not that I wanted it differently."
"Whereas my house was empty when Kim left," Tommy added, giving her a grateful look. "You guys were married, I hadn't turned over most of the running of the dojo to you just to butt in again … I guess in a way I felt it more immediately than Kat, that I'd lost my purpose."
Trini nodded. "I can see that. I know it helped me to get over losing Mom that I had my children and my job to keep me busy."
"Exactly. I had neither anymore. And even I could see after a while that it did no good to let myself go all to pieces," Tommy reflected. "But it took Kat's healing touch – again – to show me that there were still things worth living for … like friends, and family. Even if Kim was no longer around to share them with me."
"And everybody has to work through their grief at their own pace," Kat added. "For some, it happens sooner, for others later. That doesn't mean the feelings are any less deep."
"When did things start to change for you guys anyway?" Jasmine asked. "I mean, we all noticed that the two of you started spending more time together since last year, but you could still have knocked me over with a feather earlier tonight when you told us."
The newly-engaged couple shared a look.
"Good question," Tommy grinned somewhat sheepishly. "I don't exactly remember …"
"Now that's a surprise," Kat mock-pouted to the children's snickers, but obligingly cast her mind back. "I believe it was mid-autumn or so a year ago …"
~*~
Dusk was falling when Kat wandered slowly across the cemetery, back towards her car. She'd visited Jason's grave again, as she usually did once a week. It was a dear habit she'd fallen into over the years; it eased her ever-present grief without opening the wound anew, as it had in the beginning. Besides, it was pleasant exercise; in walking the well-maintained paths she could indulge her memories, whereas doing the same in the park, where all of them had spent so much time together (first as teens, then as a young family) served only to remind her of what she'd lost. On her way, she swung by Trini's grave – not that she'd ever known the first Yellow Ranger well, but it didn't seem right somehow not to pay her respect as long as she was there anyway. And in a weird way, it felt as if she was carrying greetings from Jason to his childhood friend … which seemed to keep his memory that much more alive.
Her meanderings in the general direction of the exit also led her past Kimberly's grave, and it was the last stop she intended to make before going home to the dish she had in the oven and maybe a glass of wine in front of the TV, or a good book and some music to pass the evening. However, when she turned the bend in the path, she saw a solitary figure kneeling in front of the pink marble headstone, grey head bowed. Tommy.
Heart aching with sympathy, Kat slowly approached her still-grieving friend. She could see from the slight tensing in his back muscles that he was aware of her presence, but waited patiently until he chose to acknowledge her. During the five minutes or so that took, Kat silently said her hellos to another dead friend. At last, Tommy got somewhat stiffly to his knees and looked at her.
"Hi," he murmured woodenly.
"Hello, Tommy," Kat replied warmly, stepping up close and slipping an arm through his. She squeezed his wrist in mute comfort, knowing from her own experience years ago that such a simple touch would say more than a hundred words. As if to confirm that, she could feel Tommy shudder once. His voice was hoarse when he spoke.
"When does the pain go away, Kat? It's been two years since she left me, and it still hurts as much as if it was only yesterday …"
She sighed. "It never really does, I'm afraid. Jason's been gone for eighteen years now, and there are still moments when I could burst into tears, I miss him so much." She patted Tommy's hand. "But if it helps any … eventually, the pain gets … less. It won't be the all-consuming thing it is in the beginning, even though it'll always stay at the back of your mind."
He shook his head despairingly. "I feel so lost without Kim … and it's not just because of the little daily stuff she usually took care of, like cooking, doing the laundry and so on. I miss her laughter, the way she would rant at small things … her presence, her companionship. Everything."
"I understand, Tommy." Oh, how well she did! It was a feeling that hadn't left Kat ever since that day in the summer of 2025 – when her world collapsed in a fiery car wreck.
The tall man finally looked at her. "Yes, you would, wouldn't you," he sighed. "I thought I understood what you were going through when Jase died. I was wrong; I didn't."
"I think only someone who's also lost a spouse can," Kat replied wistfully. "It's bad enough to lose parents to age or sickness, but I believe the only thing worse would be to lose one's child." That, thankfully, was something nobody in their circle of friends and family had ever had to suffer.
"I guess." Shaking his head again sadly, Tommy touched Kim's headstone in a near-caress – the way he used to stroke her hair. "Good-bye, Beautiful," he murmured. "Until next time."
Forcing a smile he didn't really feel, he offered his arm to Kat. "Let's go, please? I hate to leave, but if I don't I'll get depressed all over again."
"Kim wouldn't have wanted that," Kat agreed, falling into step with Tommy. As they walked slowly towards the car park past trees which had already begun to shed their leaves, she unobtrusively gave him a once-over. He looked reasonably presentable, even if his shirt probably hadn't seen an ironing board in quite some time. He was clean-shaven and his hair, still worn longish, was only ruffled from the autumn wind, not shaggy and unkempt as it had been in the first weeks after Kim's death. Seems he is finally on the mend ... a little, anyway! For a while, their friends, children and she had feared for Tommy's sanity when he had realized that his beloved wife had slipped from sleep into something far more final in his arms without him noticing – he'd dozed right next to her on her hospital bed, after all.
Although … was it her imagination, or had he lost weight? Tommy had always been lean, and over time he'd lost the haggardness caused by his grief, but somehow Kat doubted that he was eating the healthy, balanced meals Kim had insisted on – nor much at all.
She knew only too well how easy it was to consider food as nothing but a pesky chore when one had to eat alone. But what could she do? He could certainly afford to eat out, or have meals delivered to his house … which didn't solve the problem of Tommy being by himself, though. Lynne had repeatedly offered to cook for her father-in-law, but ever-chivalrous Tommy didn't want to impose too much. Kat was still thinking about the problem when they reached her car and Tommy held open the door for her.
"Do you need a ride? I don't mind going by your house, unless you want to go elsewhere," she offered.
Tommy smiled briefly. "No thanks. Where would I go all by myself, anyway? Walking home will take care of at least part of the evening."
And it was ghastly to return to an empty house that once had been filled with love and warmth. At least Katherine had had her children to come home to, but Jay and Trini were both married, with lives of their own. Suddenly, it was as if Kimberly's voice floated to Kat through years gone by – the last time Kat had spoken to her, the day before she'd died.
"Promise me, Kat, that if anything happens to me, you'll look after Tommy for me. He's going to need help, and you're the only one I trust to do the job right."
Naturally, she had promised, and it was that memory as much as her natural compassion and affection for a friend which finally presented a solution. Impulsively reaching for Tommy's hand, she smiled at him.
"Say … you like lasagna, don't you?"
"Er, yes … why?"
"Because I have a whole fresh panful baking in the oven; it should be ready just about when I get home. You're welcome to share it."
The offer was tempting. Very much so. Still, Tommy declined.
"I can't eat half of your dinner, Kat," he protested.
"You wouldn't be," she encouraged. "You see, I usually prepare a large portion and freeze what I don't eat right away. It won't matter if I freeze only three containers instead of four."
"Kim used to do the same," he reflected automatically.
"I know. I even used her recipe today," Kat replied, warming to her idea. "I just hate the thought of you sitting all by yourself with takeout or a TV dinner when you could be more comfortable at my place. And I'd really like some company myself; days like this always make me feel a little maudlin."
The longing in the brown eyes was unmistakeable – as was the indecision haunting Tommy's features. He was clearly torn between a quite natural desire for companionship and what he thought he should be doing instead – namely, grieving in stoic isolation. Feeling a strange sense of déjà vu steal over her, the slender dancer gestured towards the passenger seat.
I've seen that look on him before … now if I could only remember where, or when …
Then it came to her. He'd looked just as forlorn right after Kim had sent him the letter, when he'd thought his friends wouldn't notice. Of course they all had, and as then, Kat was filled with the desire to help Tommy.
"Please, Tommy? I'm only asking you to share a perfectly ordinary dinner with an old friend, not to sit down to one of Rita's banquets," she coaxed with a tiny grin. The two of them had often taken a perverse delight in grossing out their friends by describing in great detail the so-called 'delicacies' their former nemesis used to consume with her henchmen.
"Eww," he shuddered dramatically, but had to smile at last, despite himself. "I would start running right now if I didn't know what a good cook you are," he mock-glared.
"Does that mean you'll come?" she asked, finding herself eager all of a sudden. "I think I may even have left a half bottle of that merlot you like so much."
"In that case, how can I say no?" Tommy capitulated graciously. In fact, he was beginning to look forward to a home-cooked meal, and maybe some quiet time afterwards, spent with a good friend – one who wouldn't mind if he frequently reminisced about his dead wife. He got into the car without further ado. As he was fastening his seatbelt, he looked gratefully at his smiling companion.
"Thanks, Kat. I really appreciate you doing me this favor."
She shot him a sideways glance as she started the engine and smoothly reversed out of her parking spot. "You're welcome. I'm doing it for myself as much as for you." And for Kim.
~*~
Kat's lasagna was done to perfection soon after the two arrived at the Scott residence; the tasty smell filling the air made Tommy's mouth water the minute he entered the cheery hallway. Kat had left a small lamp burning, so it was a far more welcoming thing to come home to than his own dark house would have been.
I've got to remember that, he thought while he took care of their coats. It's such a simple thing, and it makes such a big difference!
Kat sent him on to set two places at the dining table while she checked the food and took the promised merlot out of the pantry. Tommy knew his way around her cabinets, so it didn't take him long to place plates and cutlery, and find two plain wineglasses. He was hunting for paper napkins in a chest-of-drawers when his hostess peered out of the kitchen.
"Bottom left," Kat told him with a smile, and quickly added colorful place mats, a potted African violet and a fat candle to the table, turning the setting from merely functional into something pretty and welcoming. It was very much like what Kim would have done, Tommy realized with a nostalgic pang, and what was so sorely missing in his life now. A woman's touch.
Before he could wallow in misery again, however, Kat came back from the kitchen, a steaming pan of lasagna in her oven-mittened hands. Deftly, she placed it on a protective pad and sat down, reaching for a knife and spatula.
"Will you pour the wine, please?"
Where had the bottle come from? Kat must have brought it in without him noticing. Blushing sheepishly, Tommy complied, filling both glasses with the ruby liquid. As soon as he was done, he found himself sitting behind a plate that held a generous portion of succulent pasta, meat, tomatoes and some white sauce he knew he liked but couldn't name. The cheese crust on top was browned to perfection, and just looking at it, inhaling the aroma, gave Tommy an appetite he'd thought he'd lost.
At a loss for words with sudden gratitude, he raised his glass. "Thank you, Kat," he said softly, toasting her.
She laughed as she reached for her fork. "Don't thank me before you've tasted it," she cautioned. "Jason and the kids always loved lots of garlic; I'm not sure whether that's to your liking."
"I'm sure it is. And if not … well, at least I won't have to be afraid of vampires attacking me tonight," he teased back, past the sudden lump in his throat. To think he'd almost turned the invitation down … when even after barely thirty minutes spent in Kat's company, in her cosy home, he felt better than he had in far too long. And nobody was more surprised than Tommy himself when Kat's reaction to his remark called forth his first genuine, unforced laugh since Kimberly's death.
For elegant, demure, ladylike Katherine Hillard Scott stuck out her tongue at him and blew a loud raspberry before grinning like a girl a third her age and blithely started to eat.
Later, the dishes cleared away and leftovers waiting to be put into the freezer, the two sat before the fireplace, sharing the last of the merlot. Kat had carried the candle from the dining table to the mantelpiece, and listened to her friend ramble … sharing memories of both Jason and Kim, and watching the tension slowly drain from his posture as he relaxed against the couch's cushions. Even Tommy's eyes were losing the dreadful lifelessness they'd held recently, regaining some of their sparkle as he told her about a time early in his and Kimberly's relationship, when one day everything that could go wrong had gone wrong for the perky gymnast.
"She looked like the proverbial drowned rat when she arrived at school," he chuckled. "And she was mortified that I saw her like that … of course, I was so head over heels, I barely noticed her bedraggled appearance, but …"
"Knowing Kim, that was probably the worst of it," Kat replied, highly amused.
"Oh, no doubt. And to top it all off, she was captured in the monster's bottle contraption, I was knocked unconscious … all in all, not one of our finest days, even if the Rangers won in the end."
"That was during the time your Green Ranger Powers were so iffy, right?"
"Uh huh."
"I can't imagine what that must've been like for you," Kat commiserated. "Wanting to help, but never knowing if and when your Powers would give out …"
Tommy shrugged, able now, after so many years, to let go of the guilt at last. "Yeah, it was rather horrible," he agreed. "Especially as I was still trying to atone for what I'd done as the Evil Green Ranger. I was just grateful that Jase and the others never held it against me."
"Yes," Kat said softly, sharing a look of perfect understanding with Tommy. She, too, had felt guilty for her actions under Rita's spell for a long, long time. "I know."
Then, she let an impish smile play around her mouth. "And speaking of guilt … you know, I think I never apologized to Kim for scratching her, that time in the park when I was still in cat form."
For a second, Tommy looked confused, then made the connection and started to chuckle. "If you did, Kim never mentioned it," he smiled. "But you had very soft fur, and a lovely purr."
Kat groaned. "Right. Just what I always wanted to be remembered for!"
Tommy's chocolate eyes twinkled. "Cool car, too."
"You would remember that, wouldn't you!"
He spread his hands in a 'what-can-I-say' gesture. "It was!" His hostess just glared at him – but he noticed the twitching corners of her mouth, showing him she wasn't serious. Picking up his wine glass, he finished the last couple of swallows, then caught sight of the clock ticking away softly on the mantelpiece.
"Goodness, look at the time! It's almost midnight," Tommy exclaimed, getting up from his comfortable seat. "I should've gone home ages ago!"
"Don't worry," Kat soothed, standing as well. "I enjoyed the company."
Tommy gave her a grateful look. "So did I," he said quietly. "Thank you." A wealth of meaning lay in the simple words.
Kat understood perfectly what he was thanking her for – he and Kim had done it often enough for her after Jason's death, after all. Companionship, acceptance, no demands to hide one's feelings, sharing of memories … a respite from loneliness. "You're welcome."
Slowly, the two made their way to the front door, pausing only briefly in the hallway so Tommy could shrug into his jacket. He took a step outside into the chilly night, then reached for Kat's hand. He wanted very much to return her kindness somehow, and asking her out to dinner one night seemed to be a good, appropriate way – he was not going to inflict his own cooking on her – but would she accept? More so, would she take it the right way? Not as a payment of any kind …
Only one way to find out, Oliver!
Hesitating slightly, he found himself actually nervous and blushing – almost like it had been on the day he'd been screwing up his courage to ask her on their first date when they were still in school.
Whoa. Where did that come from, anyway? Kat's and my dating days are long past!
He managed to convince himself that he truly believed that. Clearing his throat a bit awkwardly, Tommy made himself meet the friendly blue eyes.
"I'm not the greatest guy ever to mess up a kitchen," he began, "so I'm not gonna ask you to come over to the house for a repeat, but … would you nevertheless like to share dinner with me one night? It's the least I can do, after leaving you with the dishes and so on tonight. We could go to that Thai place you like so much …"
To his relief, Kat gave him a pleased smile.
"I'd like that. Anything to get me out of cooking," she joked.
"Great. I'll call you?" he asked, still somewhat diffidently. He hadn't planned an outing like that for ages – not since the last time he and Kimberly went out for dinner, in fact. The thought was simultaneously sad, exciting and … vaguely terrifying.
"Please."
"Good night then."
"Good night, Tommy."
And before he was tempted to linger a while longer in Kat's welcoming, soothing presence, he turned on his heel and marched off through the dark, quiet streets to his own house … which somehow didn't seem quite as forbidding and empty anymore as when he'd left it. Just because his heart was filled with a little warmth again, put there by a special friend.
~*~
"Things kind of gathered momentum from there," Tommy recalled, squeezing Kat's hand. "One dinner date turned into several, we started spending more and more time together …"
"So that was why you suddenly started taking Scott on all kinds of outings," Lynne realized. "The zoo, the beach, the movies, even that weekend trip to Disney World …"
"Well, I had to do something to show Tommy that life could still be full of joy even though Kim was gone," Kat defended herself.
"And you were using our son – your own grandchild! – to do that," Jay said with mock sternness. "Really, Aunt Kat!"
"Scott enjoyed every minute of 'being used' that way," Tommy replied dryly. "After all, he probably got the most fun out of it."
"Oh, I'm sure he did," his son smirked. "I just wonder how you managed to survive Disney World with all the kids along." Tommy and Kat had collected all of their grandchildren old enough to enjoy the experience, since they didn't want to play favorites with such a special treat. "I know my nerves wouldn't have stood the strain!"
"Well, it was … a little taxing," Kat admitted diplomatically, to the suppressed snickers and guffaws of their offspring. "But you see, the best thing about being grandparents is, at the end of the day – or the trip, in this case – you get to give the kids back."
"That's right, leave us poor parents with thoroughly spoiled brats on a sugar high," Trini tsk-tsked, but her eyes were laughing. She and Ramon had revelled in having a weekend all to themselves, with no kids to demand their attention, and she knew it had been the same for the others. She reached over and gripped Tommy's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Anyway, Dad, I'm just glad Aunt Kat was successful. We were getting worried about you."
Tommy sent Kat an affectionate glance. "How could she not be? After all, she did it once before …"
"When Mom broke up with you from Florida?" Jay queried.
"Yes – only this time, it took me quite a bit longer to realize what she was doing," his father admitted sheepishly. "Back in 1996, I kinda subconsciously expected my friends to try and cheer me up, and after a while I wanted to get un-depressed, too. This time … with Kim gone forever, I thought I had no right to feel joy again, that I had to go on grieving for the rest of my life. Imagine my surprise when I realized one day that neither was true!"
"Was that when you didn't call me for nearly two weeks in September?" Kat asked softly, a previous puzzle suddenly solving itself in her mind.
"Uh huh. It was on your birthday when I had the first inkling that things had changed – that I had changed," Tommy replied. "I, um, I had something of a shock that day."
"Oh?"
Tommy smiled. "Remember what you did when I gave you your present?" It had been a rare filmic collection of 20th century ballet performances with all of Kat's favourite dancers – Margot Fonteyn and Mikhail Baryshnikov among others, even an old, old newsreel bit of Anna Pavlova, the great Russian ballerina.
Kat thought back to that day in August with a tiny frown of concentration. "I hugged and kissed you on the cheek, as always," she said finally.
"Right. You were so excited, so pretty, you practically glowed with pleasure. I liked the thought that I had been responsible for that happy look, by giving you something you truly wanted. I wanted you to go on looking that way. And I found myself wishing that I could hug you back and kiss you, too – only, not on your cheek."
His fiancée gasped softly at that declaration, a faint blush creeping into her still-smooth cheeks. "I … I don't think I would have stopped you if you had," Kat whispered at last, her lids lowered demurely. "I'd started to care about you more deeply as well …"
"I wasn't ready yet, darling," Tommy said gently, using the endearment for the first time in the presence of their children. "Not then, anyway. I knew when I isolated myself that you would be hurt a little, but I needed these two weeks to think, to get things clear in my mind. I needed to realize that falling in love with you again was not a betrayal of what I felt for Kim, nor that I was taking anything away from Jason or the kids. And I also knew that when all things were said and done, you would understand."
"I do, Tommy," Kat assured him. "After all, when I noticed what was happening to me, that my feelings for you were changing, I had much the same thoughts. Only, I usually don't crawl into a shell like you to figure things out," she teased, showing that she wasn't angry.
Their children had listened with great interest, sharing knowing glances and understanding nods.
"How did you cope, Mom?" Jared asked curiously. He, too, sometimes had a tendency to brood which was countered effectively by Rachel's no-nonsense manner.
Before Kat could answer, Lynne spoke up. "You mean you haven't it figured out yet? She's been doing it the same way for as long as I can remember. Mom cleans," she told the room at large with a melodramatic sigh. "I bet you anything that this summer, Mom's house was the most spotless dwelling, top to bottom, in all of Angel Grove!"
Oliver groaned. "Don't remind me! Mom was a veritable cleaning maniac when she had to decide whether or not to let Jared take that skating scholarship!"
"It wasn't an easy decision to make all on my own, son; after all, I'd been a serious athlete myself, I knew about the demands the coaches can make. And the possibility of sustaining a serious, even permanently disabling injury in skating is much higher than in diving," Kat interjected. "By the way, that was a time when Kim's experience and advice helped me most. Basically, you have her to thank that I let you follow your ambitions, Jared."
"Wow. I never knew that," her youngest murmured.
Tommy smiled briefly, pleased that Kimberly had taken such an active part in their friends' lives. Then, he cleared his throat.
"Anyway, to get back on track … I sort of took a time-out to decide where I stood, what I wanted and needed … and then of course I needed to screw up my courage to find out if you felt the same about me," he told his fiancée. "After all, I was kinda out of practice with this whole dating stuff!"
"But you did it very well nonetheless," Kat soothed him. "In fact, compared to the first time you asked me out, you were a veritable expert!"
"At least this time our first real date wasn't ruined by a monster attack," Tommy remembered ruefully. Briefly, he related how Ernie's luau at the Beach Club had been interrupted by a platoon of Cogs.
"Poor Mom," Lynne commiserated, half laughing. "After waiting so long for Uncle Tommy to find the nerve to ask you on a date, too!"
"But our second date went just fine," Tommy assured his daughter-in-law. "I took her to the movies …"
"Yes, and afterwards you told the gang it had been 'nice and boring'," Kat pouted.
A chorus of groans and gasps all around made Tommy blush, even after so many years.
"Dad, you didn't!"
"A wonder Aunt Kat didn't dump you right away again!"
"I hope you didn't let him get away with that, Mom!"
"I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Tommy tried defending himself.
His fiancée looked at him sternly. "That's as lame today as it was forty years ago!"
"Sorry," he mumbled, looking and sounding for all the world like one of the grandkids caught snitching an extra cookie before a meal. The children barely suppressed their snickers. Even Kat's lips were quivering with hidden mirth.
"Well … since your technique has definitely improved with time, I guess
I can forgive you," she chuckled, patting his arm fondly.
To Be Continued …