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Just a little something that needed to be addressed to make this more realistic. : ) Hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback in the square box near the exit? DB/CR
Seasons To Remember
Chapter 27: A Daughter's Concern
"Oops, excuse me," Lynne murmured, got up and turned towards the nursery from which a strident wail could be heard. "I think someone just woke up wet."
"Or messy," Jay grimaced. Still, he wasn't one to shirk his fatherly duties. "You want me to take care of it?"
Lynne smiled gratefully. "Thanks, but I'd rather you spelled me tonight, if you don't mind," she declined.
"Of course, love. Tickle the Squirt for me?"
"Sure." The young woman walked towards the hallway, when to her surprise Kat stood as well.
"Mind if I come along?"
Her smile was guileless, but Lynne had the uncomfortable feeling that her mother had more on her agenda than just another chance to coo over her youngest grandchild. There was nothing she could think of to make her stay, though, so she just nodded.
"Of course not, Mom."
~*~
In the bright room, the little boy was red-faced with crying when the two women leaned over his crib. With a Madonna-like smile, Lynne lifted her baby up and cuddled him close. The howls muted to a quieter wailing now that Mommy had come.
"Yep, he's wet alright," she grinned, fingering the diapered bottom. "And messy, too." Her nose wrinkled as the unmistakeable smell wafted upwards. With practised ease, she laid her son on the changing table, lifted his sturdy legs and unsnapped the back flap of his pyjamas. Within moments, the dirty diaper was whisked off and dumped in a special lidded bucket, Kat handed over wipes and cream as needed and soon the deed was done.
Ricky – Richard Adam Oliver, named for Rocky and Adam – stopped crying altogether once he knew himself dry and warm again and jammed a small fist into his mouth as he peered bright-eyed over Lynne's shoulder at his grandmother. Kat fondly stroked his shock of dark hair – in color more like his father's than his mother's raven locks, but the large dark eyes were all Jason. She smiled nostalgically, then remembered why she'd followed her daughter in the first place.
Lynne hadn't said a single word of protest when earlier in the day Kat and Tommy had announced their decision to get married. She had expressed her congratulations along with her siblings and in-laws, but Kat, who knew her daughter very well, had caught the flash of pain crossing her face nonetheless. It was that she wanted to address. If one of her children truly objected to her remarrying …
"Are you okay, Sweetie?" Kat asked quietly when Lynne sat down in the rocker next to the crib, gently lulling her baby back to sleep by the soothing motion.
"Of course I am," Lynne answered quickly. Too quickly.
"Why do I have trouble believing that?" her mother wanted to know with gentle irony, giving her a look she remembered well from her childhood. It was an expression that demanded an answer, but wouldn't pressure her. Still, she knew there was no escape. Eventually she'd have to confess what was on her mind.
"Probably because you know me too well," she grumbled. "How do you do that, anyway?"
"Do what, dear?"
"Know when something's bothering me."
Kat chuckled. "I'm your mother. Don't you know when something's up with Scott and he's not telling?"
"Guilty as charged," Lynne grinned sheepishly, then became serious once more. She was bothered, but she wasn't at all sure whether she should bring it up. Her mother was a grown woman, she had the right to make her own decisions, and yet … Her blue eyes showed her indecision. As did her habit of chewing on her bottom lip; something Lynne had picked up from Kimberly, no doubt.
Kat sat down on a wooden toy chest next to her, a knowing smile playing around her lips. Inwardly, she was quaking; what if her daughter was unable to accept the changes she wanted to make in her life? She'd thought that after 19 years of widowhood she might have a chance at happiness again; but how could she be happy if one of her children was not? Well, there was only one way to find out.
"Let me guess. It's to do with my intention of marrying Tommy, isn't it?"
Blushing deeply, Lynne sighed. "Yeah. I'm sorry, Mom, I know it's your life and all, but …"
"But what, Sweetie?"
"It feels to me as if you're abandoning Dad," Lynne blurted, fighting sudden tears. "The two of you were so much in love – how can you even think of marrying someone else?"
"Oh honey," Kat sighed, seeing her worst fears confirmed. "I'm not abandoning Jason – in fact, I've never stopped loving him in all these years. I'll do that to the day I'm going to join him."
"Then how can you bring yourself to marry Uncle Tommy? I don't understand," the younger woman sniffled. "And he … Aunt Kim's been dead only three years, and already he's looking for another woman?!?"
Katherine was silent for a long minute. At last, she met her daughter's faintly accusing gaze full-on. She would have to reveal a part of her heart and mind she hadn't ever shared with any of her children, not wanting to burden their lives with her problems, but if she wanted any chance at peace and happiness at all, she had no choice. Even if she caused Lynne some pain in the process.
I just hope she'll understand …
"Sometimes, it is just too hard to be lonely," she said softly. "When all you are left with are empty rooms and memories, you need someone to hold, to tell you that they care … that you're not one of the walking dead, but that there's still a life out there worth living. For yourself, not just for others."
Am I being selfish for wanting that? Maybe. But ... don't I deserve to be, just a little, after all this time?
"But you have us," Lynne protested. "The boys, Jay and me …you know you can always come over …"
"To LA, where Oliver and Jasmine live? All the way to Colorado Springs, to visit Jared and Rachel? Or to you, perhaps in the middle of the night? For every small, frustrating domestic crisis that occurs during the day? The times when you just want to scream because nothing goes right, and you have a deadline to get a million things done?"
"Uh … sure," Lynne replied, sounding uncertain even to her own ears. She hadn't thought of the matter in quite those terms.
Kat tilted her head. "Tell me, hon … would you really like it when I popped in several times each day no matter how convenient or inconvenient it was for you, just because I need to vent, want company for a cup of coffee or because I have nothing better to do? And don't say what you think I may want to hear, but what you really feel," she demanded.
The new mother felt heat rise in her cheeks. Try as she might, she couldn't say yes to any of these questions. In fact, she had always appreciated Kat's consideration and courtesy in this matter – even though she had a key to their house, she never, ever dropped in uninvited, or without calling first unless it was an emergency. The horror stories she'd heard from some of her friends … it made Lynne grateful to know that her own mother (and mother-in-law; Kim had been the same) wasn't like that.
As for her brothers, they didn't have that problem as they didn't live in Angel Grove. They were close enough to visit often, which they did, but Lynne was aware that they weren't able to offer the kind of daily assistance she did – running a small errand here, lending a hand there. She didn't mind doing it, especially as Kat freely (and frequently) did the same, plus offering babysitting services in return 'payment'. But they did not live in each other's pockets – and while Lynne's days were happily filled with part-time work, her husband and sons, she uncomfortably realized that her mother's weren't anymore.
"I … no," she admitted at last. "I wouldn't like it much."
"That's what I thought."
"But still, Mom," Lynne persisted, "how can you just forget Dad like that?"
"I'm not forgetting him, Sweetie. Quite the contrary – Tommy is the one man I know who will accept unconditionally that I'll always go on loving your father. And who knows that I'll respect his feelings for Kim. He hasn't stopped loving her, either."
"Why can't you guys just go on like you have? You're already friends … you see each other so often … why do you have to get married? It's not even as if you need financial security. Why do you have to … to replace Dad?" Lynne almost wailed.
Kat sighed. How could she make her daughter, who had always been Jason's favorite child and who had simply adored her father in turn, understand that what she and Tommy shared went beyond two elderly folks not wanting to be alone anymore?
"I'm not 'replacing' your father, Lynne. No man could do that. Ever. Why do you think I've never even been tempted to date anyone in all the years since he died? It's not as if I hadn't had opportunities," Kat said, feeling a small sense of satisfaction when her daughter started, surprised.
"Y-you have?!?"
"Yes. Is that really so shocking?" Kat's voice was dryly amused. She knew that, for a woman her age, she was still quite attractive – and in the years gone by, even as a widow with three teenaged children, she had had chances. But she wouldn't give her children another father. That was Jason's place, no-one else's. Her family and friends had done wonderfully in filling the emptiness in their lives caused by Jason's passing; however, with retirement from teaching looming in the near future and Jared now married as well, she was feeling her loneliness more.
Lynne considered the question. Kat had always just been 'Mom' to her; a pretty yet somewhat sexless being who dispensed discipline and comfort in equal measure, who just was; a fixture in her life as unchangeable as the Rock of Gibraltar. For the first time that she could remember, she looked at Kat as a woman. And saw that, despite her grey hair and the glasses, her mother was really very pretty still, with her slender height and elegant style, her dancer's poise and grace undiminished … and realized that Kat-the-woman might have needs her children and grandchildren couldn't meet. It was an uncomfortable, even slightly upsetting thought.
"No. Yes. I don't know," she stammered at last. "Mom, you wouldn't have … would you?"
"I never seriously thought about it," Kat reassured her daughter. "Mostly because aside from our friends – who all are married, as you know – I've yet to meet a man who comes even close to the kind of person your father was. Jason set some very high standards just by being himself, and I could never lower them. Not after spending over half my life with him."
"And now that one of them has become available, you're jumping at the chance, is that it? Or were you secretly carrying a torch for your first boyfriend all along?"
Kat jerked as if stung. "Don't be insulting, Carolyn Hilary Scott! That's unworthy of you. Of course I didn't." Her tone was stern, and Lynne blushed. The reprimand was well-deserved.
"I'm sorry, Mom. Really," she apologized. Then, she shrugged helplessly. "I guess I just can't see how or why your feelings for each other suddenly changed again after all these years."
"I don't think they have – not really, anyway," Kat mused, having asked herself that same question a time or two. "You see … even though Tommy and I broke up when we were younger, we still continued to love each other. We just weren't in love anymore."
"Did Dad know this? Or Aunt Kim, for that matter?" The younger woman had problems wrapping her mind around the concept. It was inconceivable to her to love ayone besides her husband. "Weren't they ever … well, jealous?"
"No. Both Kim and Jason knew exactly where Tommy and my feelings lay – with them. There never was any doubt in all our minds – or hearts."
"Then, what has changed now? Why have you decided all of a sudden to rekindle your romance?" Lynne wanted to know.
"It's really not all that sudden, and I already told you, hon – we're both lonely. You kids are all married now with homes and families of your own. That's how it should be; neither Tommy nor I are complaining. After all, we want you to have happy, fulfilled lives. But in the process, ours have gotten emptier. As long as you have someone – your spouse – to share things with, it's fine; you may lose the children to adulthood, but you also regain some of the 'couple things' you have to give up when you become a parent.
"Only, Tommy and I don't have that anymore. We both lost the person we thought would be with us to share in these things. Is it really so wrong of us to want having someone at our sides again? To fill the emptiness created by Jason and Kim's deaths? And maybe, just maybe ease some of the pain that caused?"
~*~
The baby had fallen asleep by now, and Lynne took the opportunity to mull over her mother's words while she put him back into his crib. Both women smiled when little Ricky immediately rolled over on his tummy, drew up his knees and slept on, his little bottom sticking up under the light cotton blanket Lynne draped over him.
"He's so precious," Kat whispered. "You and Jay did good!"
"Thanks," Lynne murmured back. She watched her son breathe evenly for a few more moments, then took a few steps away from the crib and faced Kat.
"Mom … I can understand about you and Uncle Tommy being lonely. And I think I can even understand that the two of you can help each other deal with that. But … what I don't understand is why you have to get married to do so. Won't it feel weird?"
"Possibly. After all, I haven't thought about Tommy in terms of being my … my mate, if you will, since I was twenty or so. Certainly not since I fell in love with Jason. On the other hand, it's our shared history which makes it easier, you know? I really doubt that I could ever contemplate sharing any form of intimacy with a complete stranger."
Lynne colored up and winced. "Way too much information, Mom!"
"Sorry," Kat said, hiding a small smirk. How her daughter could have grown up so uptight about a number of things was beyond her. Then again, she reflected, she couldn't exactly picture herself having had this kind of exchange with her own mother. For all her cosmopolitan poise, Doris Hillard had had a conservative streak a mile wide.
She watched her daughter take a slow circuit around the nursery, unnecessarily realigning a toy here, straightening a stack of disposable diapers there. Lynne was fidgeting as badly as she'd ever seen her do – even worse than the time she was screwing up her courage to ask Kat about birth control, when she and Jay were getting serious. At last, the younger woman stilled, took a deep breath and faced Kat from across the crib.
"I guess what I really want to know is … do you love Tommy?" Somehow, the word 'uncle' wouldn't come anymore.
Kat took her time answering, but her blue eyes, so like her daughter's, met Lynne's questioning gaze steadily.
"Yes. I do. Not the way I did at seventeen, and it's different from the way I loved – love! – Jason, but just as true."
A tear or two slipped down Lynne's cheeks when she realized at last Kat was completely serious. It still hurt, but deep down she wanted to see her mother happy. If Tommy could give her that, she wasn't selfish enough to object. Reaching inside herself, she found a slightly wobbly smile.
"Then there's nothing else I can say, is there, Mom? Except – I hope you'll be happy," she sniffled.
With a slightly misty smile of her own, Kat accepted the unspoken apology.
"Thank you, Sweetie. I know I will be."
Impulsively, they embraced. Kat could feel a slight tremor racking her daughter's back, but the arms clinging to her never faltered. She pressed a kiss into the dark hair.
"I won't ever forget your Dad, Lynne. I promise."
"I guess I knew that," the younger woman replied. She shrugged sheepishly. "Maybe I just had to make sure." She paused reflectively, then let a more genuine smile creep into her eyes and voice. "And if you have to get married at all, I'm kinda glad it's someone I already know and like, not some stranger."
"I'm sure Tommy will be glad to hear that," Kat joked, hugging her daughter firmly. Inwardly, she breathed a sigh of relief. This had gone far better than she'd feared – and if Lynne was okay with her plans, she was pretty certain the other four children would be as well.
As if on cue, the nursery door opened and Tommy poked his greying head through.
"I'll be glad to hear what?" he asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the baby. He noticed at a glance the traces of tears on his daughter-in-law's face, and Kat's relieved expression. She had mentioned that Lynne might have problems accepting their relationship, and had worried when the two disappeared for so long. He eased fully into the room and came over.
"That Lynne is giving us her blessing," Kat explained. "You are, aren't you, hon?" Lynne nodded bravely.
"Thank goodness. Is everything alright?" Tommy asked, looking from Lynne to Kat and back. His fiancée smiled reassuringly, but left the answer to her daughter. Taking a deep breath, Lynne obliged.
"Yes, it is. Now."
She released her mother and looked up into Tommy's serious eyes, so much like Jay's. The realization made it easier for her to say what she did.
"Just make Mom happy, will you?" she requested. Then she added, her voice breaking just a little despite herself, "And please, please don't ever forget Dad and Aunt Kim!"
Tommy drew her into a warm hug. "That won't ever happen, honey," he promised huskily. "We loved both of them, too. And as for your Mom … I'll try my best."
"That's all I can ask," Lynne replied, returning the hug and reaching out to include Kat as well. "Thank you." The three stood like that for a minute or so, relishing their closeness. Then, when they filed out of the nursery to rejoin the rest of the family, an unexpectedly impish light entered Lynne's eyes as she glanced from her mother to her honorary uncle/father-in-law/soon-to-be-stepfather.
"Just tell me one thing, Mom … did you get your romantic proposal at
last?"
To Be Continued …