She had been quiet the whole way home, and granted he hadn't been around lately but Logan doubted this was typical Mission Rogue behavior. When they got back to the mansion she changed back into normal clothes and slipped away without a word to anyone. He tried catching up at the elevator, but she didn't even look up when he called out. She just stared at the floor as the doors slid shut.
"She must have absorbed someone's power," Storm said, walking up to him. "She's still getting used to having people in her mind."
"She gonna be okay?"
"She always is. Just give her some time."
- - -
It was late when they got back and everyone was already settling in upstairs, so Rogue headed to the library for some space. There were still a few students working on their papers at the last minute, but Rogue just claimed a random book from a shelf and chose a chair and table that faced the windows.
She opened the book and tried to concentrate, but the words kept swimming in front of her eyes. The pain in her head wasn't going away; in fact, it was only getting worse.
Rogue tried again to read but it seemed to take too much energy. And all the noise in her head...
"Rogue?" She looked up with surprise, opening eyes she hadn't even realized were shut. Logan was standing next to her, looking concerned and even a little... scared. Scared? What scared the Wolverine? Rogue felt the muscles in her hand cramping and looked down to find her fingers digging into the book, the pages tearing as they were pulled away. She yanked her hand away and slammed the book shut.
"Hi." Her voice didn't sound as weak as she expected, just tired.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I just..." He wasn't buying it. He was Logan, he knew her better than that. Better than anyone. "It's from today." She wanted to tell the truth. Wanted to be weak around someone for a change and feel like she wasn't a disappointment because of it. "Kinda hard to fight the bad guys when they're stuck in your head."
Suddenly, Logan wasn't just worried, he looked all kinds of serious. "You talked to Professor Xavier about this?"
"No." Damn it, her eyes were starting to water up. The one emotion that was her own, and it had to be this. "I mean, sort of, but not this time." She pushed the book away and stood up. "I wanted to ignore it," she admitted.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with having some trouble." He studied her with deep, sincere eyes. "If you're scared you can tell me."
"Must seem pretty silly, huh?" she sniffed. "None of the others have this problem."
He tucked a strand of white hair behind her ear. "You're not like the others." He meant it as a compliment but her eyes darkened and she stepped back.
"I didn't mean that as a--"
"I'm fine."
"Rogue--"
"Logan, I'm fine. Promise." She forced a smile. "See you at dinner."
She walked away and Logan stood alone in the library, wondering how the hell so much had changed while he was gone.
- - -
Normally, Rogue loved the late dinners she shared with the group. It was a chance to unwind and get Xavier caught up. It was also one of those few times when she felt completely in place. The meals were X-Men only and the conversation was always familiar and relaxed. Tonight, she couldn't wait for it to end.
The others seemed to notice and mostly left her alone. Logan, though, ever blunt, kept looking her way. Rogue just focused on her food and pretended not to notice. She was doing such a great job, in fact, that Scott had to say her name three times before she was finally aware of it. "Sorry, what?"
"The salt. Could you pass it?"
"Oh, um, sure." She handed it over, still ignoring Logan's looks, and smiled at Scott. "Sorry, guess I'm a little tired."
"Not a problem." He smiled back then returned to his conversation with Storm.
"Rogue?"
"Yes, Professor?" Everyone looked at her in confusion. "What?"
"I was speaking to you telepathically, Rogue," Xavier explained. "Is everything alright?"
She glanced at Logan. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
She felt a twinge of annoyance. "Of course I am."
Logan finally spoke up. "Rogue, maybe you should tell--"
Flushed with sudden anger, she glared at him. "I said I'm fine!" The crash of shattered glass made her jump. She looked behind her and saw one of the bread plates lying in pieces on the floor. A glance at her place confirmed that it was hers. She hesitantly looked up at the group and understandably, they were surprised. All but Xavier were getting out of their seats.
"Rogue, honey," Storm began, "maybe--"
"Stop," she ordered. "I said I'm fine." She stood and turned to Xavier. "I'm sorry about that. I'll clean it up."
"It's not the plate we're worried about." He watched her for a moment, then raised his eyebrows in interest. "You're different."
"Stay out of my mind," she snapped, then caught herself. "I'm sorry. It's just--"
"Wanda," Xavier finished for her. "She's the one doing these things, not you."
Her eyes narrowed. "I'm capable of anger, you know. Jesus, a few helpless moments and suddenly the whole fucking world thinks you're innocent."
"Rogue," Logan warned, "you need to calm down."
"No, you need to back off." Even as she thought it, he was flying through the air, slamming into the back wall and falling on his hands and knees. Now, everyone looked worried. "Oh sure, freak out. What now? Tell me to stop the temper tantrum, send me upstairs without dessert?"
"It's certainly more complicated than that," Xavier pointed out.
"Of course it is, but you wouldn't really know. A peek inside my brain doesn't tell everything, you know." Her head was beginning to pound. "You all think it's so easy to make things better. Even in the mutant world, life is just black and white, good and bad." The dishes were lifting off the table, slowly spinning, and she wasn't even phased. "Well I'm sick of it. If life's so easy and I'm so difficult, why don't you just give up already?!" The dishes were going higher, spinning until they were blurry. "Everyone knows I'm hopeless."
Scott took a step forward, softly saying, "You need to let us help you."
"I don't need your help!" Her whole body felt hot. The table was beginning to tremble. "I just want things to be better."
Logan was on his feet and slowly advancing, "Kid, you better--"
"I told you to leave me alone!" she shrieked. The table shot back, pinning him against the wall. Storm and Scott reached out and she tossed them back without a thought. The pain in her head was terrible and everything was starting to look fuzzy.
And then Xavier was in her mind, vying for attention, crowding her already busy mind, asking her to calm down in a soothing voice, over and over.
"Please stop," she whimpered. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't."
Her heart wouldn't slow down. The dishes dipped, lifted back up, then crashed to the floor in loud unison. She jumped at the sudden noise, and looked around her as if noticing everything for the first time.
"God..." She was tired and her eyes were becoming hot and wet. "Oh my god, I'm sorry." She looked at Logan in a panic. "I'm so stupid. Oh, god, I'm so sorry."
"Rogue--" he choked.
"Don't." She slowly backed towards the doors. "I didn't mean... This wasn't..." She looked at them all in turn, feeling her body shake with exhaustion. Her mind was finally quieting down. "Please just leave me alone." She turned and ran out, the wooden doors splintering as they slammed shut.
Logan stared at the doors then pushed the table away. "Lemme guess, I've got first dibs on talking with the crazy girl."
"It might be wise to go now," Xavier suggested. "You're the only one she might listen to, and despite her request, I hardly think it would be wise to leave her alone in a house filled with sleeping children."
- - -
There were a lot of loud shuffling sounds coming from her room. Logan suspected that Rogue was taking her anger for herself out on her possessions. He knocked and the noise stopped abruptly. After a moment he knocked again and received a hesitant, "Yes?"
Logan walked in, careful to close the door behind him, and she visibly relaxed. "Just promise there's no one else waiting out there."
"Nah, just me." He grinned. "I think the others are a little too scared."
Rogue frowned. "Is Xavier angry?"
He shook his head. "Just concerned. You weren't exactly yourself down there."
She stiffened and Logan felt her heartbeat speed up. Rogue was not happy. "Maybe this is the new me." Not a fact she sounded proud of, which relieved Logan more than he expected. The more influence Wanda had over that mess than her, the better.
"Or maybe you're not ready for this." She looked up with hurt eyes. Damn it, he was screwing this up already.
"You don't think I belong here, do you?" Damn, damn, damn. How had things gone so wrong, so quickly? "I'm too young, too weak."
"That's not what I meant--"
"What do you want, Logan?"
He breathed deeply through his nose and straightened his shoulders. Out with it already, before he made things even worse. "I..." She gazed at him expectantly. Even now, angry and tired, she was willing to listen. "I think you need to rest. Let yourself be overwhelmed."
"I can handle my life."
"Our sudden supply of kindling suggests otherwise." She looked down in shame. Okay, so no more dry humor. "Kid, I'm just worried about you. We all are."
"I wish you wouldn't. I can do this, I just didn't expect any of that stuff downstairs. I thought Wanda's powers had already left, but..." She looked up with hopeful eyes. "You can come closer, if you want. That scene downstairs drained the last of it from me."
He grinned and sat on the bed, gesturing for her to do the same. "I figure I'm safe. Throw me around again and you'll be hurting more than I do. My body heals, your stuff won't."
They sat a moment longer before she finally relaxed, letting her body lean against his and lying her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Like old times," she murmured.
- - -
He left her half an hour later, still awake but much calmer. Downstairs everyone was waiting for a report, and when he announced that everything was fine they were a little hesitant to listen at first. Finally, Storm and Scott bid them goodnight, and Logan followed Xavier into his office for further discussion.
"I'm not asking for all the really personal stuff," Logan was arguing, "just the basics. Something must have happened while I was gone. Absorbing powers never affected her like this before."
"You were gone for nearly five months and Rogue is -mentally and legally- an adult. People grow, Logan."
"Grow, yes. Become telekinetic psychos and turn on their friends, no."
Xavier sighed. "As always, you want the blunt truth and nothing else. Very well. Rogue is maturing and so are her powers. Her mutation is a natural part of her but unless she develops some control it will destroy her."
"Then why aren't you helping her?"
"I knew she was having trouble, but I had no idea it had gotten this far. I doubt even she expected any of this. I suggested we try developing control over her power, or the after-effects at least, but she was determined to try on her own first." He smiled knowingly. "She's much like you in that respect."
"That's not comforting," Logan retorted. "I know myself too well."
"If it's any consolation, I believe Rogue is perfectly capable of making this better."
"So do I, and maybe I can't help her at all, but I still wanna know what's going on. This is Rogue we're talking about." It seemed like that was all the explanation he needed. Xavier considered the man before him for a moment, then gestured towards a chair. He sat, and Xavier began the story of Rogue.
- - -
Rogue went back downstairs long after their conversation had ended. She'd forgotten how empty the mansion could feel when everyone was asleep. She purposely avoided the dining room, instead wandering around the main floor for a bit before settling on the back yard as her destination. The stars would be pretty outside, and she needed some fresh air.
On the way, though, she heard noises in the kitchen and decided to stop in. Maybe she could hang out with one of the students for awhile, act normal before news of her mess spread like wildfire tomorrow morning. She was surprised to find that it was Scott rummaging through the freezer, and wondered for a guilty moment if he'd had a chance to eat enough before his plate flew away. She wanted to sneak away but he had already spotted her. Instead of a panicked jump, though, he'd only smiled and said, "Hey."
"Hey. You're still up."
"Busy night. I'm not really tired."
"Right." That was Scott, right to the point. She couldn't seem to master small talk with him.
"Icecream?" he offered, pulling out a pint.
"No, I'm good." She was careful to keep her distance as he walked to the counter, grabbing two spoons on the way. He sat, took a couple of bites without saying anything else, then pushed the other spoon in her direction. She grinned and gave in, taking a seat next to him and scooping up a bite. It was chocolate, after all, and she was only human.
"So did Logan's inexplicable charm make you feel any better?"
"A little. It was like we were back on the train. Even the speech was the same: you're normal here, it's gonna be okay, the Professor can help."
"Just like old times," he nodded.
"Yeah." She spooned another mouthful thoughtfully. "Yeah..."
"Thinking that's not a good thing?"
"Maybe," she sighed. "Or maybe I don't know what I'm thinking. Things just keep getting more complicated."
"Welcome to the lives of the X-Men." He dug up an extra large bite. "When it seems things can't get worse, they do."
"This from our fearless leader. Not your most encouraging comment ever."
"Rogue, it's three in the morning. I'm sitting at a kitchen counter in my pajamas eating twice the chocolate icecream of my younger female colleague. For the sake of my image, let's keep the fearless leader out of this, okay? We're just two friends bonding over a midnight snack."
She smiled and nodded, and continued to eat. She was so happy with Scott's relaxed, friendly behavior that she didn't bring up anything else dramatic until the empty container was in the trash and they were on their way to the stairs. Rogue stopped and Scott looked back. "Problem?"
"Do you want me off the team?" It rushed out before she could stop herself. If the dining room stunt was going to cost her, she wanted to know now.
"Guess Logan didn't do as good a job after all," Scott muttered. He stepped closer. "Note that you're still in this house. If I wanted you out, you'd know it. I have every faith that you can handle this. So far, you're really not doing as badly as you think."
"I ruined your dining room."
"Yes."
"I could have killed any of you. All of you."
"Maybe."
"None of you would let it get that far, if you were in the same position."
"We're not perfect, Rogue. And none of our gifts are like yours. At the end of the day, we get to leave the bad guys where they belong - you have to carry them home. We may not get all the details, but we understand more than you think."
"It's not just my powers."
"What then?" No answer. "You can just say it. I won't hold anything against you."
She seemed to debate a minute more, and then--"Everything's changed," she blurted, "and I feel like if I'm anything like I used to be, I'm a failure. So if I make any mistakes, I'm not one of you - I'm just seen as the lost girl you brought home one day." She took a breath, then added, "What if I said that I just wanted to quit, to give up for a while and run away?"
"I'd say you were lying."
"What?"
"Logan runs, Rogue, not you. When it comes to these matters you're a helluva lot smarter than he is. You've known since the beginning that there was no point in running. And as long as you know there isn't a point, you'll never find comfort in leaving this place, because even when it's hard, at least being here makes it easier."
- - -
Rogue went to Xavier's office before morning classes began. He looked up with a warm smile and asked what she needed. After a deep breath, she said, "I don't wanna hide anymore. I need to control this. I need to make things better. Will you help me?"
"She must have absorbed someone's power," Storm said, walking up to him. "She's still getting used to having people in her mind."
"She gonna be okay?"
"She always is. Just give her some time."
- - -
It was late when they got back and everyone was already settling in upstairs, so Rogue headed to the library for some space. There were still a few students working on their papers at the last minute, but Rogue just claimed a random book from a shelf and chose a chair and table that faced the windows.
She opened the book and tried to concentrate, but the words kept swimming in front of her eyes. The pain in her head wasn't going away; in fact, it was only getting worse.
Rogue tried again to read but it seemed to take too much energy. And all the noise in her head...
"Rogue?" She looked up with surprise, opening eyes she hadn't even realized were shut. Logan was standing next to her, looking concerned and even a little... scared. Scared? What scared the Wolverine? Rogue felt the muscles in her hand cramping and looked down to find her fingers digging into the book, the pages tearing as they were pulled away. She yanked her hand away and slammed the book shut.
"Hi." Her voice didn't sound as weak as she expected, just tired.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I just..." He wasn't buying it. He was Logan, he knew her better than that. Better than anyone. "It's from today." She wanted to tell the truth. Wanted to be weak around someone for a change and feel like she wasn't a disappointment because of it. "Kinda hard to fight the bad guys when they're stuck in your head."
Suddenly, Logan wasn't just worried, he looked all kinds of serious. "You talked to Professor Xavier about this?"
"No." Damn it, her eyes were starting to water up. The one emotion that was her own, and it had to be this. "I mean, sort of, but not this time." She pushed the book away and stood up. "I wanted to ignore it," she admitted.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with having some trouble." He studied her with deep, sincere eyes. "If you're scared you can tell me."
"Must seem pretty silly, huh?" she sniffed. "None of the others have this problem."
He tucked a strand of white hair behind her ear. "You're not like the others." He meant it as a compliment but her eyes darkened and she stepped back.
"I didn't mean that as a--"
"I'm fine."
"Rogue--"
"Logan, I'm fine. Promise." She forced a smile. "See you at dinner."
She walked away and Logan stood alone in the library, wondering how the hell so much had changed while he was gone.
- - -
Normally, Rogue loved the late dinners she shared with the group. It was a chance to unwind and get Xavier caught up. It was also one of those few times when she felt completely in place. The meals were X-Men only and the conversation was always familiar and relaxed. Tonight, she couldn't wait for it to end.
The others seemed to notice and mostly left her alone. Logan, though, ever blunt, kept looking her way. Rogue just focused on her food and pretended not to notice. She was doing such a great job, in fact, that Scott had to say her name three times before she was finally aware of it. "Sorry, what?"
"The salt. Could you pass it?"
"Oh, um, sure." She handed it over, still ignoring Logan's looks, and smiled at Scott. "Sorry, guess I'm a little tired."
"Not a problem." He smiled back then returned to his conversation with Storm.
"Rogue?"
"Yes, Professor?" Everyone looked at her in confusion. "What?"
"I was speaking to you telepathically, Rogue," Xavier explained. "Is everything alright?"
She glanced at Logan. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
She felt a twinge of annoyance. "Of course I am."
Logan finally spoke up. "Rogue, maybe you should tell--"
Flushed with sudden anger, she glared at him. "I said I'm fine!" The crash of shattered glass made her jump. She looked behind her and saw one of the bread plates lying in pieces on the floor. A glance at her place confirmed that it was hers. She hesitantly looked up at the group and understandably, they were surprised. All but Xavier were getting out of their seats.
"Rogue, honey," Storm began, "maybe--"
"Stop," she ordered. "I said I'm fine." She stood and turned to Xavier. "I'm sorry about that. I'll clean it up."
"It's not the plate we're worried about." He watched her for a moment, then raised his eyebrows in interest. "You're different."
"Stay out of my mind," she snapped, then caught herself. "I'm sorry. It's just--"
"Wanda," Xavier finished for her. "She's the one doing these things, not you."
Her eyes narrowed. "I'm capable of anger, you know. Jesus, a few helpless moments and suddenly the whole fucking world thinks you're innocent."
"Rogue," Logan warned, "you need to calm down."
"No, you need to back off." Even as she thought it, he was flying through the air, slamming into the back wall and falling on his hands and knees. Now, everyone looked worried. "Oh sure, freak out. What now? Tell me to stop the temper tantrum, send me upstairs without dessert?"
"It's certainly more complicated than that," Xavier pointed out.
"Of course it is, but you wouldn't really know. A peek inside my brain doesn't tell everything, you know." Her head was beginning to pound. "You all think it's so easy to make things better. Even in the mutant world, life is just black and white, good and bad." The dishes were lifting off the table, slowly spinning, and she wasn't even phased. "Well I'm sick of it. If life's so easy and I'm so difficult, why don't you just give up already?!" The dishes were going higher, spinning until they were blurry. "Everyone knows I'm hopeless."
Scott took a step forward, softly saying, "You need to let us help you."
"I don't need your help!" Her whole body felt hot. The table was beginning to tremble. "I just want things to be better."
Logan was on his feet and slowly advancing, "Kid, you better--"
"I told you to leave me alone!" she shrieked. The table shot back, pinning him against the wall. Storm and Scott reached out and she tossed them back without a thought. The pain in her head was terrible and everything was starting to look fuzzy.
And then Xavier was in her mind, vying for attention, crowding her already busy mind, asking her to calm down in a soothing voice, over and over.
"Please stop," she whimpered. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't."
Her heart wouldn't slow down. The dishes dipped, lifted back up, then crashed to the floor in loud unison. She jumped at the sudden noise, and looked around her as if noticing everything for the first time.
"God..." She was tired and her eyes were becoming hot and wet. "Oh my god, I'm sorry." She looked at Logan in a panic. "I'm so stupid. Oh, god, I'm so sorry."
"Rogue--" he choked.
"Don't." She slowly backed towards the doors. "I didn't mean... This wasn't..." She looked at them all in turn, feeling her body shake with exhaustion. Her mind was finally quieting down. "Please just leave me alone." She turned and ran out, the wooden doors splintering as they slammed shut.
Logan stared at the doors then pushed the table away. "Lemme guess, I've got first dibs on talking with the crazy girl."
"It might be wise to go now," Xavier suggested. "You're the only one she might listen to, and despite her request, I hardly think it would be wise to leave her alone in a house filled with sleeping children."
- - -
There were a lot of loud shuffling sounds coming from her room. Logan suspected that Rogue was taking her anger for herself out on her possessions. He knocked and the noise stopped abruptly. After a moment he knocked again and received a hesitant, "Yes?"
Logan walked in, careful to close the door behind him, and she visibly relaxed. "Just promise there's no one else waiting out there."
"Nah, just me." He grinned. "I think the others are a little too scared."
Rogue frowned. "Is Xavier angry?"
He shook his head. "Just concerned. You weren't exactly yourself down there."
She stiffened and Logan felt her heartbeat speed up. Rogue was not happy. "Maybe this is the new me." Not a fact she sounded proud of, which relieved Logan more than he expected. The more influence Wanda had over that mess than her, the better.
"Or maybe you're not ready for this." She looked up with hurt eyes. Damn it, he was screwing this up already.
"You don't think I belong here, do you?" Damn, damn, damn. How had things gone so wrong, so quickly? "I'm too young, too weak."
"That's not what I meant--"
"What do you want, Logan?"
He breathed deeply through his nose and straightened his shoulders. Out with it already, before he made things even worse. "I..." She gazed at him expectantly. Even now, angry and tired, she was willing to listen. "I think you need to rest. Let yourself be overwhelmed."
"I can handle my life."
"Our sudden supply of kindling suggests otherwise." She looked down in shame. Okay, so no more dry humor. "Kid, I'm just worried about you. We all are."
"I wish you wouldn't. I can do this, I just didn't expect any of that stuff downstairs. I thought Wanda's powers had already left, but..." She looked up with hopeful eyes. "You can come closer, if you want. That scene downstairs drained the last of it from me."
He grinned and sat on the bed, gesturing for her to do the same. "I figure I'm safe. Throw me around again and you'll be hurting more than I do. My body heals, your stuff won't."
They sat a moment longer before she finally relaxed, letting her body lean against his and lying her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Like old times," she murmured.
- - -
He left her half an hour later, still awake but much calmer. Downstairs everyone was waiting for a report, and when he announced that everything was fine they were a little hesitant to listen at first. Finally, Storm and Scott bid them goodnight, and Logan followed Xavier into his office for further discussion.
"I'm not asking for all the really personal stuff," Logan was arguing, "just the basics. Something must have happened while I was gone. Absorbing powers never affected her like this before."
"You were gone for nearly five months and Rogue is -mentally and legally- an adult. People grow, Logan."
"Grow, yes. Become telekinetic psychos and turn on their friends, no."
Xavier sighed. "As always, you want the blunt truth and nothing else. Very well. Rogue is maturing and so are her powers. Her mutation is a natural part of her but unless she develops some control it will destroy her."
"Then why aren't you helping her?"
"I knew she was having trouble, but I had no idea it had gotten this far. I doubt even she expected any of this. I suggested we try developing control over her power, or the after-effects at least, but she was determined to try on her own first." He smiled knowingly. "She's much like you in that respect."
"That's not comforting," Logan retorted. "I know myself too well."
"If it's any consolation, I believe Rogue is perfectly capable of making this better."
"So do I, and maybe I can't help her at all, but I still wanna know what's going on. This is Rogue we're talking about." It seemed like that was all the explanation he needed. Xavier considered the man before him for a moment, then gestured towards a chair. He sat, and Xavier began the story of Rogue.
- - -
Rogue went back downstairs long after their conversation had ended. She'd forgotten how empty the mansion could feel when everyone was asleep. She purposely avoided the dining room, instead wandering around the main floor for a bit before settling on the back yard as her destination. The stars would be pretty outside, and she needed some fresh air.
On the way, though, she heard noises in the kitchen and decided to stop in. Maybe she could hang out with one of the students for awhile, act normal before news of her mess spread like wildfire tomorrow morning. She was surprised to find that it was Scott rummaging through the freezer, and wondered for a guilty moment if he'd had a chance to eat enough before his plate flew away. She wanted to sneak away but he had already spotted her. Instead of a panicked jump, though, he'd only smiled and said, "Hey."
"Hey. You're still up."
"Busy night. I'm not really tired."
"Right." That was Scott, right to the point. She couldn't seem to master small talk with him.
"Icecream?" he offered, pulling out a pint.
"No, I'm good." She was careful to keep her distance as he walked to the counter, grabbing two spoons on the way. He sat, took a couple of bites without saying anything else, then pushed the other spoon in her direction. She grinned and gave in, taking a seat next to him and scooping up a bite. It was chocolate, after all, and she was only human.
"So did Logan's inexplicable charm make you feel any better?"
"A little. It was like we were back on the train. Even the speech was the same: you're normal here, it's gonna be okay, the Professor can help."
"Just like old times," he nodded.
"Yeah." She spooned another mouthful thoughtfully. "Yeah..."
"Thinking that's not a good thing?"
"Maybe," she sighed. "Or maybe I don't know what I'm thinking. Things just keep getting more complicated."
"Welcome to the lives of the X-Men." He dug up an extra large bite. "When it seems things can't get worse, they do."
"This from our fearless leader. Not your most encouraging comment ever."
"Rogue, it's three in the morning. I'm sitting at a kitchen counter in my pajamas eating twice the chocolate icecream of my younger female colleague. For the sake of my image, let's keep the fearless leader out of this, okay? We're just two friends bonding over a midnight snack."
She smiled and nodded, and continued to eat. She was so happy with Scott's relaxed, friendly behavior that she didn't bring up anything else dramatic until the empty container was in the trash and they were on their way to the stairs. Rogue stopped and Scott looked back. "Problem?"
"Do you want me off the team?" It rushed out before she could stop herself. If the dining room stunt was going to cost her, she wanted to know now.
"Guess Logan didn't do as good a job after all," Scott muttered. He stepped closer. "Note that you're still in this house. If I wanted you out, you'd know it. I have every faith that you can handle this. So far, you're really not doing as badly as you think."
"I ruined your dining room."
"Yes."
"I could have killed any of you. All of you."
"Maybe."
"None of you would let it get that far, if you were in the same position."
"We're not perfect, Rogue. And none of our gifts are like yours. At the end of the day, we get to leave the bad guys where they belong - you have to carry them home. We may not get all the details, but we understand more than you think."
"It's not just my powers."
"What then?" No answer. "You can just say it. I won't hold anything against you."
She seemed to debate a minute more, and then--"Everything's changed," she blurted, "and I feel like if I'm anything like I used to be, I'm a failure. So if I make any mistakes, I'm not one of you - I'm just seen as the lost girl you brought home one day." She took a breath, then added, "What if I said that I just wanted to quit, to give up for a while and run away?"
"I'd say you were lying."
"What?"
"Logan runs, Rogue, not you. When it comes to these matters you're a helluva lot smarter than he is. You've known since the beginning that there was no point in running. And as long as you know there isn't a point, you'll never find comfort in leaving this place, because even when it's hard, at least being here makes it easier."
- - -
Rogue went to Xavier's office before morning classes began. He looked up with a warm smile and asked what she needed. After a deep breath, she said, "I don't wanna hide anymore. I need to control this. I need to make things better. Will you help me?"