Title: Escape: A post fourth-year Hogwarts tale
Author: lovegrrl
Feedback: lovegrrl_in@hotmail.com
Fandom: Harry Potter
Summary: After the events at the Triwizard tournament
can Harry carry on, and will Sirius and Remus find the solace they are both
searching for.
Status: Complete, Written Pre OoP but some points
have been taken into account.
Archive: www.fanfiction.net, ,
Azkaban's Lair. Anywhere else; just ask.
Spoilers: PoA, GoF and
possible OoP
Warnings: Slash i.e. male/male coupling. Don't like! Then turn back now.
Rating: R – NC-17, though I'm not too sure of US rating.
Originally posted: FF.net
Pairings: Sirius/Remus.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned
by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury
Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and
Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark
infringement is intended.
Dedications: This fic is dedicated to the writing of Arabella and Zsenya, whose story
'After the End' I stumbled upon by chance, but soon became completely
captivated by. I thank them for their intellect and insight into the future of
J.K. Rowling's characters and for introducing me so magnificently to the world
of Fan fiction. I graciously borrow the term of Lupin Lodge from their story
and hope they will see this as the homage I mean it to be.
I also dedicate this to Marauder who told me just to publish and not to worry
about my mistakes. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Thanks.
Post OoP Note:
As things will with the publication of any series, some of the fact which I
have presented in this story have now become defunct and almost annoyingly so.
I wrote this story with love and attention to the canon we had at the time and
think it is as true a representation as I could have given.
***
Across the land, when sun hath set and silver rules
the heavens.
There prowls a dark and dangerous beast that man has e'er
imagined.
His snarl is set, his eyes gleam bright. He hungers for his quarry.
'Tis man tonight whom holds
his breath and not the creature harries.
When bone doth break, and skin hath stretched across
the searing arm.
'Tis then
the creature's mind is lost unto the fatal charm.
No friendly face, no loving touch, can save the spellbound being.
Unto the darkness, staid in quest, he carries out his slaying.
- Celtic warning placed near areas of supposed werewolf activity. First dated – 1492.
Chapter One: Healing Hands
Remus twisted in his sleep; the dreams which had plagued his mind for more than a decade were taking hold of him once again. He felt his body being wrenched apart, and his heart shattering into a million pieces as the only person he had ever truly loved was taken from him forever.
Don't leave me.
The sheets webbed their way around his body, encasing him in a tight prison. His breath became panicked, faster now as the horror of the past fastened its icy fingers around his throat. He could see his loves face, feel his body, warm and close, but it was pulling away; leaving him behind, cold and alone. Remus turned again, thrashing against the claustrophobic covers. No! This couldn't be happening, not again. Remus's mind fell into blackness, deeper and deeper. The cold took him; his whole body shaking. His mind screamed in anguished terror.
Amber eyes snapped open, fear flashing in them as had done on so many other nights. Remus reached his hand up to his eyes, expecting to find tears already welling there. 'No!' He thought suddenly. 'It's not true, Sirius had escaped from Azkaban; he was innocent. He was free!' Memories of the last week came flooding back to him.
***
Waking in the basement of Lupin Lodge after the last full moon, he had discovered a large black dog sleeping beside him. Remus looked at the mutt, his eyes still adjusting from their monthly change, not sure how to react. Its coat was matted and dirty. Its dark fur was grey in spots where the dirt had built up and on the ground there were traces of blood.
Remus instinctively looked down at his own body. Searching for a fresh scar but he found himself unharmed. He looked over at the sleeping dog. 'He's wounded!' Then startled he thought, 'Oh my god, did I...'
Standing slowly, he took his own weight onto his legs and steadied himself. The ordeal his body had been through in the last twenty-four hours lay heavy in his muscles. The wolf bent down and gingerly tried lifting his friend, afraid of waking him or worse, hurting him more, but the dog did not stir.
Remus carried him upstairs through the trapdoor in the bedroom floor. It was surprising how light he actually was. He laid the dog on his bed, then rushed to the bathroom for supplies to clean the wound... or wounds! 'How did he get here!' Remus thought as he ripped through his medi-aide box.
When he returned to his bedroom the dog lay in the same spot, deeply asleep. 'I'm going to have to wake him.' Remus realised. He didn't think he would be able to mend any wounds through that mass of hair.
He laid his hand on the dogs back shaking him gently. He didn't really want to wake him but his friend was injured and Remus needed to see how bad it was. His body throbbed as he bent down beside the bed and spoke out loud a name that he had tried for years to forget.
"Sirius?"
The dog leapt from under Remus's hand, snarling with teeth bared he readied himself for a fight. Remus fell back against the oak floorboards as the animal jumped onto him, gnashing his fangs.
"Sirius, it's me!" Remus pleaded.
Sunlight streamed across the room spilling onto Remus's startled face. The canine's eyes finally settled on the ashen face in front of him. He fell back against the bed and – as Remus had seen him do a million times before – transformed. One thin hand lay on the floor while the other was held in front of him, guarding his chest.
Remus looked at the man before him. This shadow of a man really. His hair was no better then when he had been in animal form, his skin was grubby and bruised. Through gashes in his robes Remus could see blood.
"Moony?" choked out from the mouth of the Animagus, the coarse sound of his own voice seemed to startle Sirius. He opened his mouth, trying to push words through the dryness but he had no energy. Every bone in his body ached; every muscle screamed out in agony, it was all he could do to stay awake.
"You're injured!" Remus said as he glanced at Sirius's chest.
Sirius followed Remus's gaze but his eyes became lost in the blackness of his robes and his head dropped into unconsciousness.
***
That had been a week ago. Remus had dealt with Sirius's wounds as best he could but every time he looked at them he couldn't help but feel a spasm of guilt and anger at what he was. They were no longer dirty and open but they still had to be given time to mend. He had never been very good with healing charms, ironic really thinking about the numerous times he had needed them in the past, but there had always been Madam Pomfrey and after school he had always had... Remus shook his head. 'Don't think about that now!'
Remus had done everything for Sirius in the last week. During the day they spent all their time together, but every night Remus waited for his friend to fall sleep before moving into the unfurnished spare room and sleeping on the single bed, his robes wrapped tightly around his body. Normally he would have been cold but his body was warmed by the closeness of his old friend.
They hadn't talked much. Sirius was quieter then Remus had remembered. His friend had seemed content just to take time recovering and listened in silence as Remus read to him from another book or Quidditch Periodical. Remus never read the Daily Prophet to his friend, only yesterday there had been some random article about Sirius's fugitive status and uproar that he had not been caught and thrown back in Azkaban; into the only place that made Remus shiver just by its thought. Sirius had spent twelve years there and he was innocent, he didn't deserve anymore agony.
Remus had even managed to master homemade Chicken broth. Madam Pomfrey had always insisted it was the best thing for anyone recovering from sickness. While simultaneously she had tried to force the concoction down his throat.
Remus almost laughed at how their situation had changed. It had always been Padfoot helping Moony to recover, he was the strong one, he was the one who could carry Moony when he couldn't carry himself, and he was the one who would clean wounds, bandage limbs and make chicken broth. But not now!
It was on the fourth day – after he had left the danger zone – that Sirius had finally felt strong enough to walk. He had laced his arm around Remus's shoulders and slowly pulled himself up to his feet. Remus had felt a slight shudder run through Sirius's body as he gently placed his arm around his scrawny waist, giving him support.
"You ready?" Remus had asked, unsure of how to react.
Sirius had nodded, his face stony but Remus saw apprehension in his eyes.
"We can wait," Remus offered. "You've come a long way already."
"No," he said hoarsely, still not used to talking. "I have to do it today."
Sirius took a determined step forward. His arm clasped tighter around Remus's shoulder. Remus felt sparks run up and down his spine. He became warm against this touch. 'Stop it. STOP IT!' His mind screamed.
Sirius took another step, then another.
"That is really good, Sirius."
Remus saw a smile break across Sirius's face, a genuine smile which touched his eyes.
"Do you want me to let go?"
Sirius looked deeply into his companion's eyes. 'Those eyes, those eyes.'
"No..." Sirius placed his hand on his own waist on top of Remus's. "Don't let go."
Remus could not pull his eyes away. Sirius's hand clenched his a little tighter and Remus was surprised to feel how cold they were.
"Can you help me back to the bed?" Sirius asked eventually.
They turned back slowly and Remus lowered Sirius gently onto the bed, being careful not to touch his healing scars. The scars Remus had caused.
"Thank you, Moony." Sirius pulled his friend's alabaster hand to his mouth, closed his eyes and kissed it gently.
Remus felt the roughness of Sirius lips made so because of many years in Azkaban and then another year on the run. He felt how rake like Sirius's hand had become because of little food and even less care. He felt how shallow his breath was and the dryness of his mouth as he pulled away, but he felt something else as well, something he had hoped for more then all others.
He felt love.
***
The next few days Sirius had made an amazing recovery. Spurred on, Remus hoped, by his care and attention. Sirius still wasn't talking a lot but they had both become more comfortable with each other, almost like when they were young.
Remus would find himself staring at Sirius's hair which was still tangled and messy even though he had cut it. His stubble seemed to grow at an abnormal rate and would shadow his already dark complexion. And his eyes – it was his eyes that attracted Remus's attention the most. These pools, which did not rest and were full of every emotion. There was much anger but also weariness. They often worried Remus. The things he had been through – his lycanthropy, the all consuming pain of the early transformations, even the isolation imposed on him by the wizarding world because of his condition – seemed nothing compared to the pain he could see in Sirius's eyes. The man had been through more in the first thirty five years of his life than anyone should have to experience, and still the torment had not ended. He was being forced to live in secrecy, never knowing when or if his name would be cleared. Never being able to give back to Harry what had been taken from him. Remus knew this was what Sirius thought about on those long days.
Last night, they had sat in the living room watching the embers of the fire die away. Outside, stars had begun to sparkle in the velvet sky and the light in the room dimmed into dusk.
"I'm tired, Moony," Sirius had said in a whisper.
Remus marked the book he had been reading and laid it aside.
"Do you want to go to bed?"
Sirius turned to look into Remus's eyes. That wasn't what he had meant. His eyes spoke to Remus's heart, they looked so exhausted. Remus reached out a hand to Sirius.
"Oh Padfoot."
Sirius looked down at his own hands, the emotion overwhelming his body.
"I've felt like this for so long. In Azkaban - the Dementors - they just," Sirius stopped unable to talk of the horrors he had seen. "I thought when I got out of there that everything would change. I thought I'd feel young again. I had to make sure Harry was ok, and then Pettigrew," he spat the name like venom from his mouth. "I wasn't able to stay anywhere for long. I feel like I'll never get my life back Moony. This is as human as I've felt since..." he stopped. Remus could almost sense his feelings for he felt them too. He was thinking about that night when his whole world changed. That night when Sirius had lost himself in rage and anger, only wanting to do one thing. Kill.
Remus reached out and pushed back the hair which had fallen in front of Sirius's eyes. He ran a soft, warm hand down his cheek. It was the most Sirius had said since he arrived, Remus knew there was more but it could wait. They had time.
Sirius looked up at the man opposite him through teary eyes.
"Why would you want me here, Moony?" Sirius questioned, afraid of the answer.
Remus looked into the face of a man he had known for over twenty years. An innocent face, a beautiful face.
"Because you're my friend, Padfoot." he said truthfully. "I love you."
"Even when you thought I had betrayed..."
"Yes!" Remus said defiantly. "Even then I loved you."
Sirius collapsed into the arms of the other man. His emotions fell out of him and he sobbed. Remus enveloped Sirius's thin shoulders and pulled him close, wanting to take his pain away. Wanting to take it all away. He stroked his hair trying to comfort him. Sirius's arms moved around Remus's waist and clung to his back in desperate emotion.
He needed to hold onto something that was real.
***
When Sirius moved out of Remus's arms, his eyes were red and troubled. The fire had died down to a dwindling glow. He sat back against the sofa, his movement a little unsure.
"Thanks."
Remus simply smiled, missing the warmth that Sirius had brought to his embrace.
Sirius rubbed the remaining tears from his eyes with the heel of his hand and wiped them into his – now mended – robes. He winced as his hand grazed the area of his scars.
"Still sore?" Remus asked uneasily.
"Bruised," explained Sirius.
"I tried to do as good a job as I could."
"Almost perfect," with a quick thankful look.
Remus squirmed in his seat, how – after so long – had he lashed out. His werewolf self wasn't meant to be dangerous anymore. The Wolfsbane should have sedated him.
"I'm sorry," he said finally.
"For what?"
Remus looked down at the canine's chest. Sirius was confused at first but when he looked back at Remus he realized what he had meant.
"You didn't do this, Moony!" Sirius said.
Remus looked up surprised.
"I got hit by a Muggle."
"A Muggle?" Remus repeated, wondering how a Muggle could possibly do that much damage.
"A Muggle car... they didn't even stop!"
Relief swept over Remus. In his fear he hadn't really thought about the wounds, just assumed he had done it. Now he realised that they were not the gashes of a beast's claw. Worry drained from his body as he felt two large lean hands cup his face. Their warmth comforted him as they tilted his gaze to meet those deep pools again.
"I know you would never hurt me, Moony." Sirius said, his voice stronger then it had been in months. "Never!"
Remus's hand reached out and touched Sirius's face. His thumb moved light as a feather over Sirius's bottom lip, parting them slightly. His eyes sparked with passion and he took in a sharp short breath.
The fire embers cracked, Remus could feel his heart beating – hard – against his chest. He didn't want to lose this moment, this moment he had waited half his life for. He wanted to take Sirius in his arms and kiss him so passionately that he would never leave again. He wanted to feel Sirius's body next to him, to feel his weight on top of him.
Then – without being given another chance to think about it – he felt Sirius move towards him, he felt his fast breath on his cheek. Sirius's lips were less then an inch away from his and then there was no space, there was only where he ended and Sirius began. His lips tingled and Sirius softly pushed against them, wanting the same. Remus moved his hand down Sirius's face and around to the nape of his neck.
Sirius's hand travelled up to the chocolate locks that was Remus's hair and ran his fingers through it gently. His other hand joined him quickly, loving the silk running through his fingers. He felt Remus pull away slightly but pulled him back into a more passionate embrace.
Remus's hands became more adventurous now. The moved from Sirius's neck over his shoulders and ran over his chest. He felt Sirius wince slightly at the pain and pulled his mouth away just long enough to say "Sorry," before being pulled back to bruised lips. His hand riffled Sirius robes and finally his felt his hand touch skin. He knew how emaciated Sirius's body had become, he had seen the ribs sticking out even through Sirius fine chest hair and now, as his hands ran through that hair, he felt warmth there.
Sirius pulled back for the first time from this kiss, his face serious, his eyes longing.
"I think it's time for bed." he said earnestly. He stood up and took Remus by the hand.
"Are you sure?" Remus asked.
Sirius simply nodded.
***
Remus lay in his own bed, for the first time in a week, thinking about last night. It had been desperate and frantic; they made up for the last twelve years in one night. They had clung to each other, afraid to let go, afraid of losing each other again. Instead they had lost themselves in each other. For hours they kissed, caressed, licked, sucked, pushed and pulled, shuddering in ecstasy, doing anything to make it last. Finally Remus had fallen into an exhausted sleep, more satisfied then ever in his life.
Then the dream had come, jolting him awake before the first streams of daylight even started to file into the room. But now it was different, he was no longer alone. He had Sirius.
Remus turned in the darkness and reached out for Sirius. He hand fell onto the bed beside him – empty. Remus shot up, looking frantically at the other side of the bed. No, this wasn't happening. Had he just dreamed it? He shook his head. It had been real, it had to be.
He scanned the room, then jumped out of bed and threw on his robes. He headed for the door but stopped just as his hand touched the cool brass knob... What was he going to do? Hunt Sirius down just like everyone else... but he wasn't everyone else. They were friends – no not friends, he corrected – lovers. He had to find him. He had to make sure everything was ok.
Remus turned the handle and opened the door. Stepping into the hallway he had seen a dim light coming from the living room. 'I never put out the fire,' he thought.
He walked towards the living room and through the open door saw Sirius sitting on the floor in front of a newly stoked fire. Its flames were small, and Remus couldn't feel its heat.
Sirius's legs were pulled up under his chin and his arms were wrapped around them. He didn't move, just stared into the fire. 'He hasn't changed,' thought Remus looking at the man-child in front of him and thinking back to their days in Hogwarts.
"Padfoot?" Remus said affectionately.
He noticed Sirius flinch but he didn't move or answer.
"Do you want a bigger fire?" Remus asked
"No... it's just enough to keep the cold out!"
"Do you want to come back to bed?"
"I can't," Sirius said bluntly "I can't sleep in that bed... I can't sleep next to you."
***