A/N: LUV N PEESE! Let's all pretend that Wolfwood didn't die and Vash didn't run off to shoot his brother. Pretend people, pretend.....

:: ::= thoughts

To give a brief synopsis... It's Meryl's birthday and she runs off to be alone cuz lotsa crap happened. She's kidnapped by an old friend/lover, Vash has to go save her and defeat his brother and two new guys... blah blah blah.... it'll be romance and action... hopefully... In any case, Meryl is OOC and feeling a bit suicidal... the *thing* that happened on her b-day ages ago will be revealed along with more of her *dark* past. Yes, I made up the history of her family and such so expect twisted things.

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or else I would have included more romance and blood. This story is mine, and I take responsibility for all its crap. :-)



The rain pattered onto the ground in perpetual drops. Her black hair clung to her skin as she let the wetness caress her body. She walked in slow paces to soak in the weather. Her eyes were enveloped in an unfamiliar despondency, but they couldn't tell. No, Wolfwood and Millie were innocently flirting somewhere in the apartment, playing some card game. Vash, he was probably chasing some prostitute or obeying his ravenous stomach. That left her. Alone. Walking in the rain in solitude. She liked it.

Her hair was longer now, probably half-way down her back. But she always wore it up. She had beauty to its full potential, but she didn't bother to care. She gave up the cape and changed to a more fashionable wardrobe. She wore a sleeveless black dress that went a little above her knees. She grew more introspective and aware of her self-image; she hated it. In fact, she just wanted to shoot herself. She didn't know why she didn't, maybe she was just a coward afraid of the letters spelling s-u-i-c-i-d-e. Then again, it was that time of year again: her birthday. God she hated her birthday. Of course there was a reason that she never bothered to tell.

****

"Hey Millie?"

"Mmm? What is it Mr. Vash?"

"Where's Meryl? It's getting late."

"Oh, she's out for a walk. She said not to worry; she'd be back by supper."

"Oh, okay," Vash smiled and left Millie and Wolfwood to their game. He walked to the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets. "Boy, I'm hungry. Let's see.....we've got... cookies... bread... water.... Oh man, we're outta' doughnuts! Better get to a store before everything closes."

The four of them had purchased a small house on the outskirts of May City. Living in the same house had its perks and its downs. One of the downs was that gluttons inhabited the abode. That meant food was binged and gone the day it was brought back.

"I'm going out, be right back!" He called. There were giggles in the other room so he took that as a response.

Vash walked along the sandy road, looking for any sign of a convenient store. He hummed happily as he strode along. A flash of black passed him. "Meryl?"

She turned to look at him, her eyes a bit pink and puffy. "Oh, hey Vash..." she muttered.

"Where have ya been?" He smiled.

"Walking." She replied shortly and perambulated off.

::She's been acting strange lately...Oh well.:: "Oooh! Grocery store! SCORE!"

****

Vash came home with a bulging bag of donuts. He grinned playfully as he chewed on one, savoring each bite. "Did you guys make dinner yet?"

"It's almost ready!" Millie called from the kitchen. "Hand me the oven mitt, would you Wolfwood?"

Vash smiled at their intimacy but gaged as a burning smoke wisped through the living room. "Geesh, what'd you guys make?"

Wolfwood poked his head out. "We TRIED to make macaroni and cookies." He smiled sheepishly. "When you flip six over it kinda looks like a nine...Common mistake, ne?"

Vash was about to respond when Meryl brushed past him and into the kitchen.

"Hey Senpai! When'd you get back?" Vash heard Millie ask.

"I was just in my room." Meryl responded with no emotion.

As Millie and Wolfwood set up the table, Meryl and Vash seated themselves.

"Still looks good!" Vash smiled as he looked at the rotting black slivers of noodles. He looked at the coal-like cookies. "Smells great too!"

"Thanks!" Millie beamed. "We had a wonderful time today! Cards, cooking, it was great!"

The corners of Wolfwood's lips slightly curved into a smile. "Sure was."

Meryl sighed inwardly and poked at her food. Vash noticed her silence and awkward behavior. He was about to say something when she excused herself from the table. "I'm not very hungry." She muttered. He watched as she walked briskly to her room. Even without seeing her face, he knew something was wrong.

"What's up with her?" He asked quietly once he made sure Meryl couldn't hear.

"It's her birthday tomorrow," Millie said without looking up from her plate.

"Isn't that supposed to make you happy?"

"Something happened on that day. Senpai's never told me what it was, just that it really hurt her."

"I see..." Vash frowned. "I'll go check on her." He stood up and walked silently towards her room, listening intently for any noise from within the room. Oddly, there were no sobs; no signs of Meryl's presence at all. "Meryl? You there?" He called.

There was a shuffling as he heard a drawer open and close. "Coming." She replied with a soft tone. She opened the door and stepped outside. "Anything wrong Vash?" She smiled superficially.

He smiled back but then eyed red on her wrists. "Um, just checking on you. Everything okay?"

"Everything.... everything's perfect." Meryl held her hands behind her back and smiled again. "If you don't mind, I'm going to sleep now." She closed the door before he could reply.

"Good night." Vash whispered as he strode back to his dinner.

****

Meryl leaned against the door after she closed it. She winced as she fingered the cuts on her wrists. Walking to her desk, she opened the drawer and took out the knife. She wiped off the scarlet blood and placed the knife back in her drawer.

Meryl picked up a small picture frame holding two moments of felicity. The first was of her whole family: her, her mother and father, and her two brothers. The second was of her in a school play dressed as Cinderella. She smiled sadly as two drops of wetness landed on the icy glass of the frame.

She stood up, lifted her wallet and placed a note on her desk. She sat silently on her bed as she awaited the retiring of the rest of the crew.

****

"So what was up with her?" Wolfwood asked nonchalantly.

"Everything. Besides looking depressed and trying to cover it up, there was blood dripping from her wrists." Vash sighed.

"Just don't worry about her." Millie said rather coldly.

Vash and Wolfwood were surprised. "And why is that? Don't you care about her?" Wolfwood asked, looking appalled.

"She's always like this this time of year. She needs to be alone." Millie replied.

Vash shrugged. "Guess you're right. But the blood scared the hell out of me. I would listen to you if I hadn't known that she was cutting herself..."

Millie sighed. "The best thing to do is to leave her alone. If she can't even tell me what happened on her birthday, there's no way she can be comforted." Her fists tightened as she bemoaned her sempai.

****

Wolfwood and Millie were sound asleep by twelve-ish, and Vash was supposedly asleep by eleven-thirty.

Meryl opened her door silently and crept down the hall. The floorboards creaked and she winced at their loud noise. She reached the front door and put her hand on the doorknob when she heard a noise from the kitchen. She paused and watched as Vash walked out with a glass of milk. "What are you doing up this late Meryl?" He rubbed his eyes.

"Couldn't sleep. I'm gonna take another walk." Meryl opened the door and started to close it. Vash stupidly stuck his hand in the way and howled as it was compressed.

"Vash! Keep it down! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Meryl tried calming him.

"That HURT!" Vash cried.

Meryl sighed and kneeled down to rub his hand. "Feel better?"

Vash smiled weakly. "A little."

Meryl stood up. "I'll see you later." She turned around.

"Wait! I'll go with you!" Vash smiled happily, jumping up.

"I'm a big girl. I can walk alone."

Vash sensed a sadness in her tone and took her wrist. "You're not coming back by the morning are you?"

Meryl looked at him. She couldn't lie, at least not to Vash. "No," she whispered. "I have something important to do alone. Please understand that." She broke free of his grasp and walked grimly away.

"Meryl..." Vash muttered as he watched her figure disappear near the train station.

****

Meryl sat on the sand steamer and stared out the winder.

"You are now aboard Sand Steamer No.369 heading from May City to Hillsbourge. Welcome and please enjoy the ride." An announcer flared from a nearby speaker.

Meryl sighed and watched the nearby city where her friends lay sleeping grow into dim outlines of light. She was planning on coming back in a few days, but the cause of the situation she could not share.

"May I sit here?" A male voice inquired.

"Certainly." Meryl moved her bags from the adjacent seat and stared back out the window. The sun was creeping up from the horizon and the sky was painted in iridescent colors.

"Sure is pretty." The man said.

Meryl nodded. He had a familiar voice, but she couldn't quite put her finger on who he was. "Why are you heading out to the middle of no where?" she asked.

"Hillsbourge? Eh... business..."

"I see." Meryl was tempted to look at his face, but that would be rather rude.

"Why you headin' there miss?"

"Oh, I don't know. I always feel compelled to this time of year." It wasn't a lie. She always wanted to go back home, but she couldn't tell him the reason.

"Why?" The dreaded question was raised.

Meryl shrugged.

"I see. Well, sounds like you're hiding something Miss."

"No."

"Bad memory?"

Meryl nodded reluctantly. It was odd, but the man had this aura that said 'Don't lie to me.'

There was a period of silence. Then, "Is it because of that one year? Or is it because of what happened after?"

Whoever this man was didn't have a right to know so much. ::What did he think he was!?:: "Who the hell are you mister?" she started angrily. Her eyes widened as she remembered a name. "Kyo...?" She turned to face him with tears. She recognized his face and threw her arms around his neck. "Where did you go after you left? What have you been doing all these years?" Meryl smiled through the cascades of sorrow. She noticed that he didn't return her embrace.

"Well Meryl, it's good to see you too," He smiled sadly. "I-I'm sorry...." he whispered. After a sudden pang in the back of Meryl's head, and she was helpless in his arms again...

****

Vash rolled around restlessly on his bed as dawn seeped through his curtains.

"Mr. Vash? Breakfast is ready!" Millie chirped, poking her head through his door.

"Be right there!" Vash called.

He got dressed and walked silently to the dining room. Sitting down, he put his face in his hands. "I had the most awful night of my life..." He muttered.

"How so?" Wolfwood asked flippantly.

"Couldn't sleep."

"That's too bad," Millie said. "I had the best dream! I don't remember what happened... but there was pudding and penguins and bananas and Wol-" she blushed before she could finish. "And, um, woolen....woolen sweaters...? Eheh...."

Wolfwood stifled a laugh and Vash smiled. He then remembered the enigma of Meryl. "Um, have you guys seen Meryl?"

Millie cocked her head. "She isn't in her room?"

"No, she went out for a walk last night. She didn't say when she would be back."

"That's strange..." Millie pondered.

"Yea... Think we should go look for her?" Wolfwood suggested.

"And where exactly do we start?" Millie asked.

"Her room." Vash replied. He walked to her abode and opened the door, finding a note on her desk. "Hey guys, I think I found something."

Millie and Wolfwood hurried over and peered over his shoulders.

"It says... 'Be back in a few days. If I'm not back by then you can start worrying.'" Vash read aloud.

"Then I say give the girl a few days," Wolfwood shrugged.

"Fine with me," Millie agreed.

Vash nodded. "I'll trust your judgment, for now."

****

"Wake up Meryl. It's our stop." Meryl was violently shaken.

"W-what?" Meryl struggled to sit up. After she saw Kyo, she regained a tough composure. "What the hell happened?"

He grabbed her wrist and roughly pulled her up. "Follow me or you'll be killed."

Meryl stared at the man in front of her. He couldn't be Kyo.... the Kyo that she played with as a child; Kyo, her best friend; Kyo, her refuge; Kyo, the one she loved; Kyo, the one that left her that one year... No, this wasn't him.

As she kept staring, he pulled her along. "We're walking through the desert. Don't complain. And stop staring."

Meryl shook her head. "Sorry," she murmured. ::He has the same bed-head brown hair, but his eyes... they're so...so icy. It's like his heart was frozen over...:: "Please don't touch me," she struggled out of his grasp. He let go, and she fell backwards. She quickly stood and ran to catch up with his fast pace.

It was silent for about two hours, but Meryl appreciated it. She thought about trying to escape or screaming like hell for help, but it would have been futile. The sun was beating down hard, and Meryl's deprivation of food for the past three days didn't help. Her legs felt weaker than normal as she trudged along. Keeping up with his pace was hard; she'd be the first to admit that. It felt like hell, but she kept silent.

Meryl started to lag behind, but Kyo kept striding along. The world became blurry, and her head was dizzy. Still, she kept silent and walked.

Kyo turned to look at her. He stopped for a bit to give her a chance to catch up, but he didn't say a word. Meryl tried to run, but her legs gave out. Kyo walked over, and she expected him to kick her or something, but her picked her up somewhat gently and placed her on his back. He lifted her legs and said, "We're almost there. Can you hold on to my shoulders?"

Meryl nodded and meekly gripped on. "You've changed Kyo."

"I know."

"You're a Gung-ho gun member, aren't you?"

Kyo didn't answer; just looked ahead into the distance.

"I'm not letting you hurt Vash. I know that's what you're after."

Kyo felt her grasp tighten. "You've changed too," he said, changing the subject.

"How so?"

Kyo chuckled. "You used to be so independent."

"Independent!? I see where this is going. I can walk fine by myself. If you don't think I'm capable of walking then I suggest you put me down right now!" She fumed.

Kyo smiled and dropped her.

Meryl let out a squeal at the suddenness of his actions. She glared at him and struggled up. She tried walking again but fell. Kyo caught her and chuckled. "I know you've been under the weather Meryl. Just let me carry you, I won't think any less of you than I did before."

Meryl sighed and clung onto his shoulder.

"When I said independent, I meant you didn't allow yourself to....to love."

Meryl's eyes widened at his words.

"You love him, don't you?"

"V-Vash?"

Kyo didn't answer.

"O-of course n-not! Love him as a friend, yes. Otherwise, no." Meryl flushed. "And even if I did, he wasn't my first."

"Was I your first?"

Meryl was in an awkward situation. "H-hai," she said hesitantly.

Kyo smiled.

"It makes me sad that you didn't remember," Meryl said wearily.

He was about to answer when he heard her calm breathing. She needed the sleep, so he wouldn't bother her.

A/N: ELLO! ma first trigun fanfic. Its only the first chappie, so if u want more, plz review. (But don't be too harsh ^^;;) it's only the beginning, it will *hopefully* get more interesting......w/ romance... ^_^

side note- IMMA GOING TO ANIME-MID ATLANTIC N OTAKON DRESSED AS A VASH WHO FELL INTO THE SAME CHYNEEZE POOL AS RANMA DID! :-) hope to see any ov u there!