II. Stuffing
Night was nearly on now, though still young. Asuka finally emerged from her room when dinner was announced, shuffling along and fighting once again to keep a poker face.
Misato seemed vaguely surprised to see Asuka already in her pajamas, but neither of them said anything aloud and the moment passed. Silently Asuka pulled ramen noodles into her mouth, no longer thinking consciously about using the chopsticks.
All that work and she ended up making instant-noodles anyway, Asuka thought. At least they aren't burned, or frozen, or rock hard, or… Her thoughts drifted off into the silence as she drained the last of the ramen from her cup.
"I'm finished," she said, standing up and sliding her chair into the table again. She picked up her noodle cup and tossed it in the trash with a satisfying rustle of plastic.
She went to her room again and pulled from her stockpile of personal possessions a picture book, written only with simple German captions, the cover bearing a watercolor depiction of a young girl with a little red cap. Asuka sat cross-legged on the floor of her room and opened the book, interested not so much in the words as the pictures.
She flipped the pages distantly, observing the myriad of dim colors and accepting the smooth feel of the glossy paper on her fingers.
She admitted, only to herself, that it was a very pretty book.
****
At NERV headquarters life continued unabated despite the onset of night. Fuyutsuki walked into Gendo's vast office, holding a piece of paper in one hand.
"Dr. Akagi has just furnished me with the synch test results," he said.
"And?"
"The Second Child's synch ratio fell eight points today."
Gendo chuckled. "How terribly convenient." He paused as though considering, although Fuyutsuki had a sneaking suspicion that Commander Ikari had already done all the thinking well beforehand.
"Put the Second Child on probation. If she fails again, she will have to resign her status as a pilot."
"Yes, sir. But if I may be so bold, I have noticed that there is no information on a Fifth Child anywhere to be found. What is SEELE planning?"
"Certainly I shouldn't know, Professor. They probably found some new way to interprety those musty scrolls of theirs."
"SEELE certainly puts full stock in them."
"Please." Gendo leaned his head back in his chair, looking, for once in his life, like a genuine human being. "SEELE is collectively becoming so senile that even they can barely sort out why they're doing this any more."
"And so this is where the puppet becomes the puppeteer?"
The Commander allowed himself a slight smile. "Yes," he said, sitting forward again in his desk. "Something like that."
****
Misato had transferred the answering machine to her bedroom, where it no longer served its purpose as a receiver of messages but was instead a captor of memories, emblazoned forever with one voice, and one voice only.
She jammed the REWIND button, listening to the screech as the tape flew backward, and the sudden silence as it clicked to a stop. She sat for a moment, staring at its featureless cover, wishing she had never had to hear the words it contained.
With great force of will she pressed the PLAY button again, waiting for Kaji's rough voice to come through the grainy speaker.
"Katsuragi, it's me. I'm sure you're listening to this message, especially after I caused you so much trouble…sorry."
She pitched back her head and downed half a beer in one gulp.
When did I learn to do that? she thought, sick inside. She looked at the three other cans that lay empty, only one standing upright. Did I really drink all those just sitting here?
She sighed deeply and set her head on the desk next to the answering machine. And I'm supposed to be a Major with the group that's gonna save the world.
"Bye."
Click.
****
In her room, Asuka pulled her futon out of the closet and unrolled it, for once not noticing that she did not have even a foot of space on either side of her. She stood up and switched off the lights, only a bit of brightness filtering in underneath the door. She crouched down near the bed, pulled the sheets aside, lay down, and rolled them back.
She watched the small rift between the bottom of the door and the ground, detecting no motion beyond. She thought she had heard Mr. Kaji's voice not long ago, but passed it off as some strange auditory illusion. Or not. It wasn't unlike him to call, and Misato to ignore him, leaving the answering machine to take his message.
Asuka heard Shinji lift himself from the couch, his loose pajamas rustling as he moved. PenPen's soft footsteps ensued, examining the source of the noise. She could hear water running briefly as Shinji brushed his teeth, and then no further noise: he had gone to bed.
Finally Asuka closed her eyes, her entire weight settling down into the floor. Much more quickly than she realized, or would remember, she was asleep.
****
Asuka stood, covered by her plug suit, in darkness. She saw another girl before her, much younger than her—in fact, herself, so many years ago. A lone beam of dim, dusty light shined onto the space between them, illuminating a small doll. Its neck seam had been torn asunder so its head hung at a wild angle, wads of stuffing squeezing out through the rent.
The little girl fixed Asuka with a stony glare, pointedly ignoring the battered toy on the ground.
"You're not crying?" Asuka asked.
"No," the girl said, crossing her arms. "I won't cry."
"Don't you mourn a dead doll?"
"Nein! Ich bin ein starkes kleins Mädchen!"
Asuka started slightly at the fury in the girl's voice, driven back as though her hostility was a physical force.
Suddenly Asuka, too, became very angry. "Cry, dammit!"
She hefted the girl in one hand and gave her a mighty slap across the face, then sent her flying backwards.
The girl pulled herself to a sitting position and glared at Asuka, running her hand over her cheek where she'd been slapped.
"Your synch rate dropped eight points," the girl said viciously. "Cry about that."
For a moment Asuka was struck dumb, then she took a full step forward as though to intimidate the child.
"You're the one who made me do that!" she shouted. "You made me fail!"
The little girl had climbed to her feet again. "I am you!" she returned, with all the strength her voice could muster. "You failed yourself!"
Asuka dropped her head and turned from the girl. "Go away," she muttered. "Go away and leave me alone."
"Someone else will just take my place," the girl said. "Maybe Shinji."
Asuka whipped back around. "No! I hate Shinji!"
The little girl smirked.
"Not as much as you hate me."
****
When the next day dawned Asuka did not feel refreshed, but as though she had not slept at all.
She took her school uniform from its place on her dresser and headed for the bathroom. It was only with great reluctance that she took off her pajamas and turned on the shower, which was first too cold and then too hot, and Asuka wrestled with the dial for nearly half a minute before the water turned to an acceptable temperature.
The running water drowned out all other sounds, and for that Asuka was glad. But the water did not feel as inviting today as it did most mornings; it chafed on her skin and weighed down her hair. Sooner than usual she turned off the shower and ran the towel fiercely over her hair, trying to let out as much water as she could.
She tried to dry her body, but the towel, too, seemed not soft and friendly but rough, and she put on her school uniform with moisture still clinging to her skin.
When Asuka came out of the bathroom she saw Shinji eating, but Misato was nowhere to be found. Asuka tossed her pajamas into her bedroom and prepared a couple of eggs for herself. Wordlessly she sat down across from Shinji, who was chewing slowly on a bowl of plain rice.
The lack of conversation did not seem to bother Shinji, but Asuka found it awkward, although she had no particular desire to talk to Shinji. She finished her eggs as quickly as she could without looking as though she was rushing, then grabbed her bookbag and lunch and headed out the door.
On the horizon, a few dark clouds gathered, but for the moment the sky was polished and blue.
Asuka got to school early, but it was some time before Shinji appeared.
****
After a nearly sleepless night and many, many hours spent sitting before the answering machine, Misato pulled herself to her feet. Her body resisted; even standing up her torso slumped forward as though without support. She slid her door open and stepped out into the apartment.
It had long since been vacated by its other two inhabitants, although PenPen was still wandering about, searching for his breakfast.
"I'm sorry, PenPen," Misato murmured, and the bird looked up at her briefly before returning to the hunt. Misato pulled some food from various drawers and cupboards—some for the penguin, some for herself—and began preparing everything.
She ate for a long while. She knew she was late for work, but no longer cared.
After at least another hour sitting at the table, chewing silently on her food, Misato forced herself to stand and deposited the remaining edibles in the trash. Methodically she washed the plate and chopsticks and returned them to their respective storage.
Finally she grabbed her jacket from the rack and left the apartment, locking the door behind her. She climbed into her car and drove at a surprisingly sober speed toward the NERV base.
When she arrived she showed her card to the gate guard and drove into the parking garage. It was not large and was mostly full with the vehicles of other staffers who had come considerably earlier—people she usually would have been present to greet on arrival, but not today.
At length Misato found a parking spot and gratefully shut the car off. She stepped out and made her way over to the elevator. She pressed the button for the main base and it kicked to life, ancient machinery emitting groans of protest that indicated they did not come from the same technological era as the work which had produced the robots and equipment in the rest of the facility.
Misato sighed inwardly at the familiar face awaiting her when she stepped off the elevator at the end of its descent.
"Ah, Major Katsuragi," Ritsuko said. "How good to see you."
"Let me guess…the Commander sent you to find out why I'm late?"
"Well, I suppose he'd appreciate if I did that for him, but that's not why I'm here." She held up a handful of printouts and diagrams. "We've detected some strange readings in the vicinity of the moon. It's probably nothing, but I thought you might want to be ready in the command center just in case."
"Alright. If something does happen, how quickly can we get the pilots here?"
"Three minutes and forty-five seconds, if we break every traffic law in Japan."
"And if we don't?"
"Anywhere from three minutes to ten or fifteen, depending how many green lights we can hit."
Misato resisted the urge to slap her forehead and walked past Ritsuko for the command center. The Doctor's even footsteps followed close behind.
Activity at NERV's heart was minimal; Misato assumed a position in the center of the room, just in front of Commander Ikari's excessively-tall dais. "Anything new to report?"
"No, m'am," one of the techs responded.
"Alright. Alert me if there is, and prepare to retrieve the pilots as quickly as possible."
"Understood."
All was calm, but Misato could sense the tension in the air.
****
At school, several hours had passed without any genuinely useful information being conveyed to the students by the teacher. Asuka had already managed to complete most of the night's homework and was quickly becoming bored again.
With terrible suddenness, a call came over the P.A. system.
"Will Ayanami Rei, Ikari Shinji, and Sohryu Asuka Langley please report to the office immediately. Repeat…"
Asuka was caught off guard, and Shinji seemed apprehensive, although as might be expected, Rei showed no emotion whatever. They got out of their seats and the teacher waved them on. Asuka saw Shinji look over to Kensuke, one of the few people in the room who might truly understand what this meant. He nodded and tried to wave encouragingly before Shinji turned with the others and left the room.
They did their best to hurry to the office, the only three people in the entire hallway.
When they arrived, they found Misato waiting for them, a grim expression on her face.
"Come on," she said, and without even a word to the man behind the desk turned them back out the door and led them to the parking lot. The clouds which were gathering earlier had now arrived in full force, splitting open and pouring their contents down over the world. The four NERV agents rushed to Misato's battered blue car, pulling the doors open as quickly as they could and slamming them shut again to avoid soaking either themselves or the car.
When the dust had settled, Asuka was riding shotgun beside Misato, while Shinji and Ayanami were in the back seat. Asuka imagined that the setup must have made Shinji rather uncomfortable, but she knew she would not have been any happier sitting next to Wonder Girl.
Misato jammed the key in the ignition and turned it roughly; Asuka thought perhaps there was something more than a simple emergency bothering her. She pulled out of the parking lot and began blazing through the streets of Tokyo-3. The rain pounded on the car's roof, creating a din so loud it all but ruled out the possibility of asking Misato what was happening before they arrived at the NERV base.
In what must have been two and a half minutes, and half a dozen very close-cut corners, they found themselves at Headquarters, where Misato was only slightly more careful in re-assuming her parking spot.
When the four of them climbed out of the car, they could still see the rain coming down in huge, white sheets through the open spaces between the ceiling and the protective barrier. The air was wet now, and cool; Asuka much preferred it to the overbearing warmth of constant sun.
Misato and the Children dashed to the elevator, making no attempt to conceal the urgency of their mission. In the elevator, Misato gave them a hurried briefing.
"There's something funny going on just outside Earth orbit," she informed them. "We don't know quite what it is, or what it's doing, but we do know it's an Angel and that it doesn't look friendly. But here's the catch. It's a few hundred meters outside the firing range of even our long-range cannons. We're going to sortie Unit 02 with a positron rifle and station it at waypoint Alpha, it'll be marked on your map when you get up there. Unit 00 will deploy as backup with another rifle."
Asuka and Rei both nodded.
"Unit 01 is to remain frozen, I don't have the authority to release it."
Shinji nodded, too, but his expression seemed more one of relief.
"The two sortied units are to maintain their positions until given further orders. We're hoping the Angel will come a little closer so it's within firing range, but we just don't know."
At that moment the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.
"Alright," Misato said as they stepped out. "I'm headed for the commander center. You three, get into your plug suits. Even you, Shinji—just in case."
"Yes, m'am."
"Asuka and Rei, in your Evas as soon as you're dressed."
"Yes m'am," they both replied.
"Then let's move!"
Misato rushed off for the command center, while the three Children, for once setting aside their hostilities, went to the locker rooms.
Asuka and Rei changed into their plug suits without looking at each other, and without saying a word. Asuka did not know what was in the sky above Earth, but she did know that it would be her final test.
If I can't beat this thing…with my synch scores last time, there's no way they're going to put me back in an Eva.
She pushed her locker back shut, quietly this time, so it locked on the first try. Then she came back out of the locker room and headed for the Eva cages, Rei's footsteps following close behind. She could not find any hint of Shinji or his whereabouts.
For once they're not sending out Shinji the Hero, she sneered to herself. They must not think much of this Angel.
Before she wanted to, Asuka had arrived at the cages, where her Eva stood tall and menacing—but lifeless.
She stood before it for a brief moment, staring it down. "Hrmph," she muttered. "You need me, you oversized doll. If you ever want to have any semblance of life at all, you need me. So you'd damn well better do what I say."
She climbed the lift to the plug. She spun the hatch, registering the familiar hiss as the tube opened. At first it was pitch black once she had closed the hatch again. A few soft lights came on before the plug itself activated. Asuka worked her way into the chair at the bottom of the plug, flipping switches and pressing buttons here and there.
A voice sounded over the radio. "Commencing LCL injection."
The strange, semi-clear substance flooded into the tube from all directions. Asuka did her best to breathe through it, taking a few seconds before she had fully adjusted to the sensation of voluntarily inhaling liquid.
Now the plug started up in earnest. A brief rainbow of flashing lights assaulted her before the systems settled on a soft yellow-white glow that sufficiently illuminated her command consoles without wasting power. Through the viewscreen she could see the inside of the Eva cage. Inset on the display was a small map indicating the waypoint Alpha Misato had mentioned to her.
There was a slight jolt as giant machinery dragged her Eva onto the launch catapult. Just within her peripheral vision, she could see Rei's Unit 00 undergoing the same process. Unit 01 was still hidden somewhere inside the base.
Misato's face appeared in another small box on Asuka's screen, looking more tense than usual.
"The Angel still hasn't moved, nor shown any signs of activity," she informed them. "Do you both understand your mission?"
Over the radio, two voices answered, "Yes, m'am!"
"Alright then," Misato said, her face seeming to darken even more.
"Unit 02—launch!"