6

~**~

Sunnydale Reality

~**~

It was only a matter of time.

Xander declined quickly after leaving the hospital, and Dawn basically stopped going to school. She was so much older than those giggling little girls there, anyway. Once Xander – once it was all over, she'd get her diploma somehow. It just didn't seem important right now.

Giles had come and stayed, unable to fix the spell, but not wanting to leave his loved ones alone at yet another difficult time. He read to Dawn, and they had spirited debates over some of the literature he'd loaned her. She knew he was surreptitiously attempting to keep up her education, and she was grateful.

Xander had elected the best medical insurance, and had kept it through the COBRA option after leaving the construction company. They could only thank God for that. Dialysis was extraordinarily expensive, as was the hospice care they finally had to have. The doctor put him on intravenous feeding to try and halt his dramatic weight loss. He took handfuls of pills every day. But they'd stopped pretending he wasn't going to die.

He had occasional good days, when if they tried hard enough, they could almost see the old Xander inside the broken shell. But nobody was play-acting anymore. Even on those days, Xander himself was pretty matter-of-fact about it. No one was sure how he kept holding onto life, really.

Finally, on one of his rare good days, Dawn figured it out. "How ya feeling big guy?" she asked him with false cheer – the only kind she had, it seemed, lately.

She must have taken him by surprise, because the mask he often wore was down. "It hurts, Dawnie. It hurts like hell." She reached over for his hand, and squeezed it gently. He went on. "I just hate thinking about what's going to happen to you once I'm gone. I know I can't do much to take care of you anymore, but… Aw, hell. You've lost your mom and then your closest female friend, then your sister. Now me, too. It just isn't fair."

It hit her like a ton of bricks. He was afraid to die because he thought it would hurt her. So he suffered, more gone than here, hurting and struggling so she wouldn't hurt. She would never find another man like him. She wasn't sure she'd ever try.

"It's okay Xander. I'll survive. It's never easy, but you need your rest. You're fighting too hard, and your body just needs to rest." The tears were streaming down her face, and she wasn't sure if he heard what she said next. "I love you."

Dawn was less surprised than anyone when she awoke the morning after having given him permission to die next to the cooling body of Alexander Harris in the bed they shared.

~**~

Sunny Hills Reality

~**~

"Hey, Buff."

"Hey, Alex." Even though he was on the recovery ward, now, Alex rarely went out of his room because of his celebrity status. He'd talked it over with his coach, and while he never planned on keeping his breakdown a secret once he was released, there was no need to disturb the other patients with the crush of press and fans that might show up if word got out about where he was. So he had been given a double suite, and the adjoining room had been set up like a living room, with a TV and couch and several nice chairs. He even had a treadmill brought in so he could start building his strength back up. The doors were kept locked, and Buffy, Natalie and all the doctors were the only ones with keys. "I need to talk to you about something."

He thumbed off the TV with the remote. "Shoot."

"Uhm, my mom and dad were asking where I was spending all my time lately. I've pretty much stopped having any discussions with them about anything but the weather, 'cos I didn't want to spill your secret – our secret." She smiled at him guiltily. Sometimes she forgot they hadn't lived in this reality forever. "But I sorta told them there was this guy, and they sorta want to meet him. There's just a couple of possible problems." Alex wasn't the talker Xander had been, so she wasn't surprised when he waited silently for her to go on. She ducked her head. "First, even though it doesn't happen much anymore, I'd hate for you to fade out while they're here. It'd scare 'em."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem anymore, Buffy." She heard the sadness in his voice, and looking up caught the shadows in his eyes.

"Oh," she said, stunned.

"There's no place for me to go. Xander Harris is no more. He – I died last night." He looked like a lost little boy, unsure of his next step or even if he should be where he was. Buffy jumped up, moving over to him, and into his arms and lap as he reached for her. He didn't actually cry, but she could feel his breath hitching unevenly as she rested against his chest and he stroked her hair. "Dawn…"

"Has friends who'll help her find her way. You did everything you could for her."

"I don't know if I did," he whispered brokenly. "Sh-sh-she was my world, after you were gone. And at least at the end, I was hers. But I found you on the other side – who does she have, now?"

Buffy held his head steady, her tear filled eyes locked on his as she dared him to look away. "She's strong, Xander. Remember, she was made from me."

They sat there quietly, clinging to each other and mourning a home now lost to them both.

~I honestly don't know who moved first, but suddenly I was kissing Alex, and he was kissing me back. And it was good – very good. Finally we pulled apart, but he didn't loosen his hold on me, and I was in no hurry to get off his lap, either. We just rested there, still hanging onto each other, but in a much calmer way than before. I know it was just the emotion of the moment that led to us kissing, but I feel like it won't be the last time we do that.

Finally, he asked me what the other thing was. When I shook my head, not understanding, he reminded me I'd said there were a "couple" of possible problems. I could hear humor in his voice, and knew he was back from that dark place he'd just been in. So I warned him about my dad.~

~**~

Sunnydale Reality

~**~

Rupert Giles had to wonder when Dawn had become the most mature one of the group. Although Willow had calmed considerably since Xander's death a couple days ago, she still wasn't handling it completely well.

Dawn had made the funeral arrangements – there was a plot between the place they'd buried Anya and the empty grave that represented Buffy's final resting place that had always been meant for Xander. Joyce's grave was beside Buffy's, and the one where Giles would one day lie was to Joyce's other side, just past the one planned for Dawn. Only Willow's space was somewhere else – not far away, next to a simple stone marked "Tara McClay." Hers had originally been the spot beside Xander's, but when Anya died, she acknowledged that the ex-demon should have that place. He suspected Kennedy didn't know where Willow's planned burial site rested, and thought it would be beside Anya's.

The priest was the same one who'd done Joyce's service, and Buffy's and Anya's... far too many. Dawn even weakly joked that they should get a bulk discount on caskets, but that attempt at levity had ended in tears.

Mostly, though, she'd been strong. Everyone treated her as the grieving widow, and indeed, she'd earned the title. There were wives who'd not given their lives so totally to their spouses.

And Xander had left her well taken care of. He'd had a generous life insurance policy, naming Dawn as beneficiary. He'd also left her the Magic Box, his car, his now mostly depleted savings, and some expensive jewelry Giles suspected he'd bought originally for Anya. What he'd given her that wasn't mentioned in his will was the afore-noticed gift of maturity, although it was bought at a very dear price.

Dawn looked around the gravesite from her spot beside the casket. All who were left were there. Willow, leaning limply on Kennedy's shoulder. Giles, looking so very tired and painfully old. But even Angel, who should be ageless, looked worn by the ravages of time.

Willow had managed to hold it together enough to call the LA gang. It seemed Cordelia was still in a coma, and no one was talking about Conner, but Angel and Fred and Gunn and Wesley had all trouped in late last night. Lorne hadn't known any of the Sunnydale crew and opted to stay behind and "mind the shop." Apparently their unexplained new "resources" had allowed Fred to develop a short-term sunshield for vampires, which Angel had already tested and would be wearing at the graveside.

Dawn wasn't sure who'd found Oz, or Faith and Wood. Or how they'd found them.

There were also a smattering of former Slayers-In-Training, and some guys from Xander's old construction crew. His parents were conspicuously absent.

Dawn's mind wasn't on the comforting words of the priest, or the people around her for long, though. She'd had a lot of time to think on what she'd do once Xander was gone, and she reviewed some decisions that were already made.

She was going to sell the house. The memories were too raw and painful – the losses too plentiful. She had to get away from it. Xander's insurance money enabled her to take her time, so Willow and Kennedy could find a place of their own before she put it on the market, but after tonight, Dawn wasn't going back there anymore.

She'd stayed up late talking to her sister's ex, and Angel had invited her to come to LA and live with the team at the Hyperion. It sounded good to her, especially since she hadn't yet figured out where she was going when she left Sunnydale. LA would work just fine.

She was going to finish high school, and go to college. Xander had always pushed her to do well in school, always regretting the lack of his own college education. She wasn't certain she'd do it traditionally, but she was going to get her diploma and then her degree, for him.

She was also selling the Magic Box. She was never going to touch magic again.

Wondering for the hundredth time if wherever Xander was, he was finally happy, the seventeen-year-old virgin widow stepped forward to lay a red rose atop the coffin, and throw the first handful of dirt on her departed love's grave. Then, dusting the dirt from her hands, she walked away.

~**~

Somewhere Else

~**~

It was misty. Not dark – there was light from everywhere and nowhere. Xander looked down at his clothes, and wondered who picked the all-white color scheme. He felt a sudden pressure and looked down to see Buffy holding onto his hand. She was dressed all in white, too.

Somebody was just ahead of them in the mist, moving towards them. He squinted – it was a girl. She got closer. A blonde girl. Then he recognized the face and tensed. After all these years, even without the makeup and tarty clothing, he knew the face of the vampire that had turned his best friend, necessitating that Xander stake him.

"She's okay," Buffy insisted, speaking the first words he'd heard since they got to this ethereal place. "She works for the good guys now."

"You sure?" he hissed. "You've been wrong about vampires before."

"Listen," Darla interrupted. "She'll be here soon – I only have a few minutes. This is for closure. They never meant for there to be this much more pain. But too many lives, too intertwined…" Her voice faded, and her figure grew taller; her hair darker and longer. Her voice…

"Xander? Buffy?" Her voice was Dawn's.

~You can't touch her, either.~ Darla's command floated into their ears from behind.

"Hey Dawnie." Xander smiled warmly. Then Dawn stepped forward, and he and Buffy retreated slightly. "Can't touch. Sorry."

She grinned crookedly. "Just like home."

"I always let you touch," he teased, her humor infectious.

"Not the fun parts."

"Dawn!" Buffy gasped, scandalized.

"I bet he lets you touch the good parts," her sister pouted.

Buffy cut her eyes up at Xander's smirk, and grew one of her own. "Not yet, but…"

"If you say 'It's coming' I am so going to strangle you," he shot back at her. They all laughed.

The laughter quieted and Dawn's smile grew melancholy. "It looks like you're finally happy."

Buffy fielded that one. "We both are. It's a good place, and we're together."

"Is Tara here, or Mom? Anya?"

"Mom's here. We haven't seen Tara or Anya, but maybe they're in their own good place, someplace else." Buffy carefully avoided mentioning Hank – she didn't want to confuse the issue.

The younger girl looked more hopeful. "Maybe someday I'll be here in this good place with you guys."

Buffy could feel from the tension running through Xander's body that he wanted nothing more than to step forward and sweep Dawn into a hug, but he was holding himself back. "Maybe someday you'll be in your own good place, with people you haven't even met yet. Or ones you have, but don't see that way right now." He smiled with understanding at Buffy, who smiled the same way back. "You're young. You have a lot of life still ahead of you. Live it facing forward, not looking back."

"The hardest thing in life is to live in it, but only if you make it that way, Dawn. You can be better than that." Better than me, Buffy thought to herself.

Then the mist closed around them all, and they lost sight of each other.

~**~

Sunny Hills Reality

~**~

Alex heard the door creak, and then the lock turn shut again. His clock shone "3:28."  "Buffy?" In the dim light, he saw a small blonde head nodding. "I've kinda been expecting you."

"Did you…?" She paused.

"The dream?" he countered. "Yeah." He held up the covers, and she crawled in beside him. He scooted his head down to lie again on the pillow, and she wrapped herself around him, the small size of the bed forcing them as close as they wanted to be, anyway. "I think it was real."

She snuggled further into him, knowing it was where she belonged. "As real as this is," she agreed. "And just as important."

~**~

~He can't say I didn't warn him. He knows what he's getting into. Of course, I wouldn't have believed my dad could be the way he is if I hadn't seen it before. Still, he does need to meet mom and dad before we got out of here. Dr. Irving is hoping that Alex will be ready to go when I leave, and I'm all with him on that.

I mean, we have discussed my moving into his apartment and going to UCLA next semester. I'm thinking mom and dad are going to have to really like Alex before we spring that one on them. Although I seriously doubt Dad will be any problem once he finds out exactly who "this guy" is.

See, my dad is a UCLA alumnus, and a serious Bruins nut. He's also the guy who probably had the very first publicly offered subscription to Sports Illustrated. The word "fanatic" is in no way strong enough to describe Hank Summers and sports – especially UCLA sports. Once, when I was ten, he ran into Kermit Alexander in the grocery store and talked to him for fifteen minutes or so. Now, it didn't matter that Dad had to explain to almost everyone to whom he told the story that Kermit Alexander had been the 1986 UCLA Hall of Fame inductee for football, he still told the story to everyone he met. Until I was at least thirteen.

I'm thinkin' once he finds out his little girl wants to move in with Alex Lewis, he'll be out renting a U-Haul.

And, hey – only a little over three weeks. Three weeks, two days to be exact.~

When the meeting finally took place, it would be a hard call to decide who was more nervous, Hank and Joyce, or Buffy and Alex.

Hank and Joyce, because they'd finally accepted that this boy was a Big Deal to Buffy. Maybe THE Big Deal. They'd just gotten her back and well, and she went and gave her heart away. They weren't too excited about that. But they promised they'd give him a chance before they whisked her off to a convent in the Swiss Alps guarded by The Incredible Hulk. Actually, Joyce simply said they'd give him a chance - the convent and the Hulk were Hank's idea.

Alex was terrified. He'd always been too busy for a girlfriend, so he'd never done the whole "meet the girlfriend's parents" thing before. He kept trying to shove down the (apparently sixteen-year-old) Xander inside of him who did a happy dance every time he thought of Buffy as his "girlfriend." It didn't help that Nat had asked if she could come videotape the "fireworks." She'd gotten way too much joy out of the pair's answering angry scowls.

So the time was here. He'd changed shirts six times, finally settling on Buffy's favorite. He'd called his high school coach for advice. Then called him back to discuss the advice. He was showered, shaved and about ready to climb the walls. Meanwhile, Buffy was heading toward the lobby to collect her parents.

~Please let them like him, please let them like him, pleaseletthemlikehim.~

No, the former Slayer wasn't nervous, much. She was just in the middle between the three people she loved most in the world, and wondering if she was going to need super strength she no longer possessed for everyone to come out of this alive.

"Hi!" she greeted her stone-faced parents perkily. Her mother smiled, but her father was still auditioning for Mount Rushmore. "We need to meet in Alex's room. Follow me."

"He's dangerous," she heard Hank mutter stonily. "They can't even let him out of his room – he'd probably hurt people."

"Daddy!" she chastised him. "You'll understand why in a minute."

Alex heard the scratch of keys in the door and jumped up to the sound of a man's voice saying, "…lock him in. He is dangerous, isn't he? He's probably…" Then Alex was looking into the most startled pair of hazel eyes he could recall ever seeing. "…Alex LEWIS?!?!"

"A little louder Dad, I don't think they heard you in the Alzheimer's Ward."

"Your boy – your 'Alex' - is Alex Lewis?"

"To the best of my knowledge I am, sir." Alex stepped forward, offering his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Summers."

Buffy's dad was pumping his hand up and down in glee. "Hank. I'm Hank. And you're Alex Lewis! This explains so much."

Alex gently disentangled his hand and guided the older man to the couch. "Why don't you have a seat, Mr. – Hank. Have a seat, Hank."

"And you can call me Joyce."

Alex froze at the sound of the long gone but still beloved voice. Turning, he saw once again the eyes, the smile – all the things he'd thought gone forever. "Joyce," he said with reverence.

Buffy understood the emotion – she remembered feeling it herself. But Alex was going to freak her mom out if he hugged her or fell at her feet or something, so she moved quickly to his side. "Why don't you get mom and dad some water or a soda, honey? Mom, you can sit on the couch, too."

Alex shook his head to gather himself, and went and pulled a couple of Coke cans out of his mini-fridge, another privilege of his being who he was. He didn't drink Coke, but he'd had Natalie bring him in a six pack, because Buffy had said her folks liked it. "This okay? Sorry I don't have any glasses." He handed them the cans and went back to retrieve bottled water for himself and Buffy. The Xander Happy Dance was going on inside his head to tune of "Joyce," now. But he reminded himself he had to act like he'd never met her before.

"You're the young man who's been … missing, recently, aren't you?" Joyce asked as Alex gave them their drinks. "The swimmer."'

"Honey, this is not just any swimmer, this is Alex Lewis," Hank said with awe.

Alex sat across from them, deciding to pretty much ignore Hank. Buffy hadn't been wrong about him. "Yes, ma'am. I had a… well, I don't remember a lot about what happened to me, but they tell me it was stress. All I know is that Buffy here helped me through. She's most of the reason I'm better now." Buffy perched on the arm of his chair, finally relaxing. She thought her dad would be a slam dunk, but she had a feeling Alex's sweet, troubled soul would touch her mother's soft spots, as well.

"I feel like I know you from somewhere…" Alex and Buffy looked at each other, wide-eyed. Was this their Joyce, here?

"Of course you do, honey. His picture's been on every magazine cover and in the paper more than the president's!"

Alex gazed into Joyce Summers' blue eyes, and the connection was made, somewhere inside. She would never be conscious of it, really, but the Joyce that had come from Sunnydale accepted that this was her Xander, who'd been like one of her own children, and that Buffy was fine, no better than fine, with him. Her body language subtly relaxed. "That must be it," she conceded to her husband. She turned to her daughter. "Do you suppose we could get one of those pass things for the both of you, and take you out to dinner?"

~**~

~Well, by my calendar, I have at least a week to go, but Dr. Irving and Dr. Shah just came into Alex's room and told us they were letting us both leave early. Jake was here, too (Jake Steward, Alex's college coach), and the way he was smiling, I think he already knew. When I called Mom, it seemed she and Dad already knew, too.

We're both starting back to school after Christmas Break – Alex is going to spend the time until then getting back into shape. He says he feels scrawny and that he's really missed the weight room. I personally don't find much wrong with his body, but…

Mom, of course, will be more than glad to feed him to get him back up to fighting weight. She's been reading cookbooks, trying new vegetarian meals. He says he has to eat fish and chicken sometimes, for the protein, but he really prefers meatless. He only drinks water. So not like Xander. Sometimes, actually more and more lately, I forget that life ever existed, and so does he.

Oh, but Alex does have a weakness for Twinkies.

Still, we've settled into Buffy, normal girl, and Alex, star swimmer. I have this Buffy's normal reflexes, and I'm even a little on the pitifully weak side. But Alex says he's going to get me started running with him, and one of the courses I've signed up for next semester is Self-Defense. He's got a lean, muscular shape the Sunnydale Xander hadn't had since our Junior year (or at least, that was the last time I ever saw it), and his wit is just as sharp, although much more sophisticated. He's quite honestly brilliant.

Oh, and I love him. Not just as a friend, either – I've never done some of that stuff with my friends! (I'm really glad his room door locks!) He makes me feel safe and happy and complete, and he says I do the same for him. He says I always did, even when he was Xander. And I love him for that, too, even though I know it's partially a lie.

I've spent some time on the "What ifs," but the best I can tell, the Buffy of Sunnydale was never really willing to have a happy life. If she had been, she'd have given more time to the things that bolstered her humanity, instead of making choices that condemned her to dwell on the darker side of her life. Angel, for example, when Xander was so available. After she died the first time, the die was cast already. The messed up version was just living out what the whole me had started. Unfortunately, she dragged her friends down into the darkness with her.

But enough of ancient history. Right now – we're going home! Alright, I'm going to my parent's house and he's going back to his apartment, but we're going to fix that soon enough. We just have to work on my parents a little. By the time school starts again, I have a feeling I'll be receiving my mail at an apartment not far from the swimming complex. That's my plan – his, too. And next year, I'm going to Athens to watch my guy wow the world at the Olympics. He's planning to surprise Natalie with a ticket too, since he's gotta stay in the athlete's housing, and he wants me to have company. Well, besides Mom and Dad, who he's including in the family tickets with me. Nat's going to come undone. She admitted to me once she'd never been out of California. I think Greece isn't going to know what hit it!

We have to continue outpatient counseling with Dr. Irving and Dr. Shah, but for the most part, this will be behind us. Alex has planned what and how he's going to share about his "absence" with the press, and he and Jake even decided which sportswriter he's going to let have the story first. Dr. Irving helped him find a fairly unfamiliar diagnosis to claim, a mental disorder the doc thinks needs more attention, but not one people would necessarily know all the symptoms for. We were seen when Mom and Dad took us out to dinner a couple of weeks ago, so the rumor mill is already up and grinding and he needs to dive into it quickly.

As for me, as Xander told Dawn to do not too long ago, I'm gonna live my life looking forward. And I have a lot to look forward to.

~**~