Chapter 4
Hermione sighed and looked in the mirror. It was the dreaded Christmas Ball and all
the girls were rushing around, getting ready. She was wearing her new robe, a delicate pale
green one with a chain of carefully crafted orchids around her waist instead of a sash. The
neckline emphasized her collarbones, and around her neck she wore a chain of the same sort of
orchids she had around her waist. Ginny had done her hair, braiding half of it into a crown around
her head and turning the bottom half into soft curls with a bunch of spells Hermione had never
seen before.
"I can teach you them sometime," Ginny had said with a grin as Lavender shot
Hermione jealous looks. Lavender had been at the back of the line, and Hermione had been first.
Now Ginny was doing Parvati's hair and Hermione was nervously waiting for everyone
to start going downstairs to the Great Hall. She so dreaded this night. All the other girls had
decent partners.
Finally they started going down, and Hermione got up and followed. Harry and
Ron were waiting at the bottom and they all went to the Great Hall together. Cho was at the
bottom of the marble staircase that led to the doors of the Hall, and Harry went over to her. Draco
and Pansy were standing by the entrance. Ron and Hermione went over to them.
"Hi," Ron said. Draco turned, looked Hermione up and down, and nodded hello.
"Let's go in, shall we?" Pansy said nervously. They entered the Great Hall.
They sat together at one of the round tables that had been set up. There was complete
silence, except when Pansy tried to start a conversation.
Everyone else came in, sat down, and dinner was served. Hermione and Ron had a
conversation, with Pansy occasionally saying something to Ron and Draco sometimes saying
something to Pansy.
Draco seemed to be in a really downcast mood. Everything he said was said bitterly
and he rarely looked up. Hermione wondered if it was because she was his date.
Hermione toyed with her ham and nibbled on her green peas. The tension at the table
was very thick.
"So, we go to Hogsmeade again in March," Ron said. "That's a while to wait."
"Yes," Hermione replied. She speared a pea and popped it in her mouth.
"Um, they've got a nice clothes store there," Pansy said. "Gladrags Wizardwear."
Hermione could have said she'd gotten her dress robes there, but she didn't. It wasn't
any of Pansy's business.
"Er – really," she said instead.
Finally dinner was over. They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Ron asked Pansy
to dance. Hermione dispiritedly watched them walk away, her mind screaming 'Why?' over and
over.
"Wow, wasn't our plan a success," she muttered to Draco. He grunted.
Harry and Cho came over. Harry grinned at her sympathetically but Cho just looked
curious.
"Well, it certainly looks like you guys are having fun. Why don't you dance?" he joked.
Cho smiled but Hermione barely cracked a grin.
She, Cho and Harry chatted for a little while, then they went off to dance again and
Hermione was left sitting at the sidelines again. She glanced over at the dance floor and realized
Ron and Pansy were nowhere to be seen.
"Where are they?" she asked Draco. "Weren't you watching them?"
Draco looked up and saw they were gone.
"It wasn't all my fault," he muttered. "You should have watched too, not yakking it up
with your friends."
Hermione felt the heat rise in her cheeks but she fought it down. She didn't want to
make a scene.
"Well, get up then," she said to him. "We got to go find them."
He sighed and stood up, and immediately Hermione felt dwarfed. Everyone in
Hogswarts was really too tall for someone only of average height. It seemed everyone she hung
around with could look down on her.
They wondered around the Hall, walking about five feet away from each other, but Ron
and Pansy weren't anywhere in it. They checked a couple outside hallways, then gave up,
thinking they probably wouldn't leave the party.
"Maybe they're outside," Hermione said, gesturing towards the rose garden. Draco
shrugged and followed her out of the castle.
Outside he moodily kicked stones across her path as she went along, until she was
thoroughly fed up with him.
"If I'm such a bad date just tell me and I'll get out of here," she finally exploded.
Draco looked down at her questioningly.
"You've been in a foul mood all evening," she explained. He grunted.
"I got a letter from Father," he said. "None of your concern." He plucked a rose and
started pulling it to pieces.
"Don't you like your father?" she asked.
"I don't know!" he snarled. "I just don't know anymore."
Hermione scanned the rose bushes but didn't see Ron and Pansy anywhere.
That didn't mean they weren't here.
"You're always so puffed up about your father," she said. Draco looked at her.
"Am I?"
"Well, you're always going on about how much influence he has."
Draco kicked at the dirt. "He has considerable influence."
"Father owes Dumbledore something," he continued. "Dumbledore did something for
him ages ago, before You Know Who arose. Let him go to Hogwarts I think, because though he
was from a pure-blood wizard family they were very poor. I think Grandfather gambled."
"Uh-huh," Hermione said.
"So yeah, Father doesn't like Dumbledore, doesn't agree with his ideas, and won't re-
pay him for what he's done for him even though Father is rich now. Maybe it's like my mother
said, Father doesn't like Dumbledore because he refuses to re-pay him and his conscience is
gnawing at him. That's why he agreed to do one thing for Dumbledore."
"Which was…" she prompted.
"None of your business," Draco said shortly. He ripped up another flower.
Hermione kept walking, past the fountains, past hundreds of rose bushes, but Ron and
Pansy weren't anywhere.
"You're just a Mudblood, but you're so lucky," Draco said suddenly. "You know exactly
where you belong."
"You don't?" Hermione asked.
"No."
He restlessly moved his hands.
"You got friends," he said. "I got Crabbe and Goyle. I know the other Slytherins and we
talk sometimes, but it's not really friendship. You have a perfectly normal, if muggle, family.
Mine's all messed up. You know exact where your loyalties lie. I don't."
"Loyalties?"
"To Dumbledore or to – Voldemort," he said quietly.
They walked farther.
"Oh, this is sickening!" he finally exploded. "I'm envying a Mudblood, a Muggle-born!
I'm talking to her! I'm telling her about my father! What is with this?"
"You don't have to," Hermione said coldly.
"No I don't and that's the problem," Draco replied. Hermione looked up at him in
confusion.
"Okay," he said. "The problem is – my father's not really a Death Eater. He helped
Professor Snape when Snape was still a 'Death Eater'. He who must not be named discovered
Snape wasn't a Death Eater but not my father. My father did it – because Dumbledore asked him
to. I only found out this summer – my mother told me – and now everything is turned upside
down. I don't know here I belong and whom I support. I keep telling myself, telling everybody, I
still support the Dark Lord but…"
He blasted a rose bush with his wand. "The problem is my father inwardly truly
supports the Dark Lord. So to the Ministry he is acquitted, to Dumbledore he is a spy, to himself
he support the Dark Lord. But will he stay loyal to Dumbledore forever? I don't know. I don't know
what to do!"
He drew in his breath and looked away from her, and she could see he was suddenly
sorry he'd said anything to her at all.
"I forgot who you were a minute," he said gruffly. "With Crabbe and Goyle you can tell
them anything and they're too stupid to say a word to anyone."
Suddenly he looked very worried. "You won't tell anyone? I should never have said a
word. Father'll be killed and I think – I think I love my father."
Hermione hesitated. Suddenly she had Draco in her power.
"Please Hermione?" he said quietly. "You're – you're a good girl. For a
Mudblood."
Hermione's temper flared up.
"Oh thank you for the compliment," she said acidly. "I think I'll leave now."
"No wait, please," he said, catching her arm. "Don't tell."
Hermione suddenly noticed his eyes were brown, and they were filling with worry. Even
if he were a Slytherin it would be a mean thing to ruin his father.
"All right," she promised.
"Good," he said. They stood there for a moment.
"Well, are we still looking for Ron and Pansy, or have we given up?" Hermione asked.
She looked back. They had walked through more than half the rose garden.
"Er, sure," Draco said. They went forward again.
There was no sign of Ron and Pansy.
"It's just I feel so messed up," he said finally. "I never would have told you if I could
think clearer. I so feel I don't belong anymore. Not even to – Slytherin."
For the first time in her life Hermione felt sympathy for Draco. She hovered her hand
half an inch away from his arm, wondering if she should put it down.
"I don't need your sympathy!" he snarled suddenly. "I don't need any Mudblood's
sympathy!"
He began walking very fast. Hermione let her hand fall to her side and followed.
Ron and Pansy were nowhere in the garden.
When they were through it they re-entered the Great Hall. The Ball was just ending so
Hermione went towards the marble staircase that led towards the Gryffindor tower. Suddenly she
was very tired.
"Goodnight Granger."
With surprise Hermione recognized Draco's voice, but when she turned around he was
gone.
Well, here's the next chapter finally. I've had it written for ages but never had the
time to type it up and post it. I just have lots of homework, tons of basketball practice, and
snowboarding.
Don't worry, I'll have the next chapter up as fast as possible.
Hermione sighed and looked in the mirror. It was the dreaded Christmas Ball and all
the girls were rushing around, getting ready. She was wearing her new robe, a delicate pale
green one with a chain of carefully crafted orchids around her waist instead of a sash. The
neckline emphasized her collarbones, and around her neck she wore a chain of the same sort of
orchids she had around her waist. Ginny had done her hair, braiding half of it into a crown around
her head and turning the bottom half into soft curls with a bunch of spells Hermione had never
seen before.
"I can teach you them sometime," Ginny had said with a grin as Lavender shot
Hermione jealous looks. Lavender had been at the back of the line, and Hermione had been first.
Now Ginny was doing Parvati's hair and Hermione was nervously waiting for everyone
to start going downstairs to the Great Hall. She so dreaded this night. All the other girls had
decent partners.
Finally they started going down, and Hermione got up and followed. Harry and
Ron were waiting at the bottom and they all went to the Great Hall together. Cho was at the
bottom of the marble staircase that led to the doors of the Hall, and Harry went over to her. Draco
and Pansy were standing by the entrance. Ron and Hermione went over to them.
"Hi," Ron said. Draco turned, looked Hermione up and down, and nodded hello.
"Let's go in, shall we?" Pansy said nervously. They entered the Great Hall.
They sat together at one of the round tables that had been set up. There was complete
silence, except when Pansy tried to start a conversation.
Everyone else came in, sat down, and dinner was served. Hermione and Ron had a
conversation, with Pansy occasionally saying something to Ron and Draco sometimes saying
something to Pansy.
Draco seemed to be in a really downcast mood. Everything he said was said bitterly
and he rarely looked up. Hermione wondered if it was because she was his date.
Hermione toyed with her ham and nibbled on her green peas. The tension at the table
was very thick.
"So, we go to Hogsmeade again in March," Ron said. "That's a while to wait."
"Yes," Hermione replied. She speared a pea and popped it in her mouth.
"Um, they've got a nice clothes store there," Pansy said. "Gladrags Wizardwear."
Hermione could have said she'd gotten her dress robes there, but she didn't. It wasn't
any of Pansy's business.
"Er – really," she said instead.
Finally dinner was over. They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Ron asked Pansy
to dance. Hermione dispiritedly watched them walk away, her mind screaming 'Why?' over and
over.
"Wow, wasn't our plan a success," she muttered to Draco. He grunted.
Harry and Cho came over. Harry grinned at her sympathetically but Cho just looked
curious.
"Well, it certainly looks like you guys are having fun. Why don't you dance?" he joked.
Cho smiled but Hermione barely cracked a grin.
She, Cho and Harry chatted for a little while, then they went off to dance again and
Hermione was left sitting at the sidelines again. She glanced over at the dance floor and realized
Ron and Pansy were nowhere to be seen.
"Where are they?" she asked Draco. "Weren't you watching them?"
Draco looked up and saw they were gone.
"It wasn't all my fault," he muttered. "You should have watched too, not yakking it up
with your friends."
Hermione felt the heat rise in her cheeks but she fought it down. She didn't want to
make a scene.
"Well, get up then," she said to him. "We got to go find them."
He sighed and stood up, and immediately Hermione felt dwarfed. Everyone in
Hogswarts was really too tall for someone only of average height. It seemed everyone she hung
around with could look down on her.
They wondered around the Hall, walking about five feet away from each other, but Ron
and Pansy weren't anywhere in it. They checked a couple outside hallways, then gave up,
thinking they probably wouldn't leave the party.
"Maybe they're outside," Hermione said, gesturing towards the rose garden. Draco
shrugged and followed her out of the castle.
Outside he moodily kicked stones across her path as she went along, until she was
thoroughly fed up with him.
"If I'm such a bad date just tell me and I'll get out of here," she finally exploded.
Draco looked down at her questioningly.
"You've been in a foul mood all evening," she explained. He grunted.
"I got a letter from Father," he said. "None of your concern." He plucked a rose and
started pulling it to pieces.
"Don't you like your father?" she asked.
"I don't know!" he snarled. "I just don't know anymore."
Hermione scanned the rose bushes but didn't see Ron and Pansy anywhere.
That didn't mean they weren't here.
"You're always so puffed up about your father," she said. Draco looked at her.
"Am I?"
"Well, you're always going on about how much influence he has."
Draco kicked at the dirt. "He has considerable influence."
"Father owes Dumbledore something," he continued. "Dumbledore did something for
him ages ago, before You Know Who arose. Let him go to Hogwarts I think, because though he
was from a pure-blood wizard family they were very poor. I think Grandfather gambled."
"Uh-huh," Hermione said.
"So yeah, Father doesn't like Dumbledore, doesn't agree with his ideas, and won't re-
pay him for what he's done for him even though Father is rich now. Maybe it's like my mother
said, Father doesn't like Dumbledore because he refuses to re-pay him and his conscience is
gnawing at him. That's why he agreed to do one thing for Dumbledore."
"Which was…" she prompted.
"None of your business," Draco said shortly. He ripped up another flower.
Hermione kept walking, past the fountains, past hundreds of rose bushes, but Ron and
Pansy weren't anywhere.
"You're just a Mudblood, but you're so lucky," Draco said suddenly. "You know exactly
where you belong."
"You don't?" Hermione asked.
"No."
He restlessly moved his hands.
"You got friends," he said. "I got Crabbe and Goyle. I know the other Slytherins and we
talk sometimes, but it's not really friendship. You have a perfectly normal, if muggle, family.
Mine's all messed up. You know exact where your loyalties lie. I don't."
"Loyalties?"
"To Dumbledore or to – Voldemort," he said quietly.
They walked farther.
"Oh, this is sickening!" he finally exploded. "I'm envying a Mudblood, a Muggle-born!
I'm talking to her! I'm telling her about my father! What is with this?"
"You don't have to," Hermione said coldly.
"No I don't and that's the problem," Draco replied. Hermione looked up at him in
confusion.
"Okay," he said. "The problem is – my father's not really a Death Eater. He helped
Professor Snape when Snape was still a 'Death Eater'. He who must not be named discovered
Snape wasn't a Death Eater but not my father. My father did it – because Dumbledore asked him
to. I only found out this summer – my mother told me – and now everything is turned upside
down. I don't know here I belong and whom I support. I keep telling myself, telling everybody, I
still support the Dark Lord but…"
He blasted a rose bush with his wand. "The problem is my father inwardly truly
supports the Dark Lord. So to the Ministry he is acquitted, to Dumbledore he is a spy, to himself
he support the Dark Lord. But will he stay loyal to Dumbledore forever? I don't know. I don't know
what to do!"
He drew in his breath and looked away from her, and she could see he was suddenly
sorry he'd said anything to her at all.
"I forgot who you were a minute," he said gruffly. "With Crabbe and Goyle you can tell
them anything and they're too stupid to say a word to anyone."
Suddenly he looked very worried. "You won't tell anyone? I should never have said a
word. Father'll be killed and I think – I think I love my father."
Hermione hesitated. Suddenly she had Draco in her power.
"Please Hermione?" he said quietly. "You're – you're a good girl. For a
Mudblood."
Hermione's temper flared up.
"Oh thank you for the compliment," she said acidly. "I think I'll leave now."
"No wait, please," he said, catching her arm. "Don't tell."
Hermione suddenly noticed his eyes were brown, and they were filling with worry. Even
if he were a Slytherin it would be a mean thing to ruin his father.
"All right," she promised.
"Good," he said. They stood there for a moment.
"Well, are we still looking for Ron and Pansy, or have we given up?" Hermione asked.
She looked back. They had walked through more than half the rose garden.
"Er, sure," Draco said. They went forward again.
There was no sign of Ron and Pansy.
"It's just I feel so messed up," he said finally. "I never would have told you if I could
think clearer. I so feel I don't belong anymore. Not even to – Slytherin."
For the first time in her life Hermione felt sympathy for Draco. She hovered her hand
half an inch away from his arm, wondering if she should put it down.
"I don't need your sympathy!" he snarled suddenly. "I don't need any Mudblood's
sympathy!"
He began walking very fast. Hermione let her hand fall to her side and followed.
Ron and Pansy were nowhere in the garden.
When they were through it they re-entered the Great Hall. The Ball was just ending so
Hermione went towards the marble staircase that led towards the Gryffindor tower. Suddenly she
was very tired.
"Goodnight Granger."
With surprise Hermione recognized Draco's voice, but when she turned around he was
gone.
Well, here's the next chapter finally. I've had it written for ages but never had the
time to type it up and post it. I just have lots of homework, tons of basketball practice, and
snowboarding.
Don't worry, I'll have the next chapter up as fast as possible.