Chapter 20
When Harry awoke the next morning, it took him a few minutes to remember why he felt so tense, but then the memories of the conversation the night before came back full force and he groaned and rolled over, wishing he could just stay in bed all day.
He then remembered that Ginny would be there in only twenty minutes so he decided he couldn't avoid that day and got out of bed slowly. He proceeded to dress into what had become his standard uniform of black slacks, black boots, and a long sleeved black shirt that kept the hideous mark on his arm hidden from all others.
He then approached the large mirror on the back of the closet door to evaluate his changed appearance. The bruises had faded completely from his face, as had the cuts, leaving behind two vicious looking scars, one about two inches long above his right eye and the other stretching from his cheek bone to his jaw on the left side of his face.
Other than the scars though, his face was looking about a hundred percent better than it had on the night of the feast. It had gone from looking like the color of death to the healthy color of a normal seventeen year old during his time living with Sirius.
Another great improvement could be seen by the way that his cloths no longer hung on his frame like a skeleton, but instead fit his frame like they were designed to, thanks partly to the fact that Ginny had practically forced him to eat everything in sight every time she had come by to see him at meal times, which was every night.
She had also had an influence on the way he wore his hair as well, threatening to hex him if he so much as dared to cut it short again, insisting that it made him look mysterious. He chuckled slightly at the memory as he drug a brush through the hair that was no longer messy but long and straight, framing his face with its darkness. He secured it at the nape of his neck in a loose ponytail before putting on his black Hogwarts robes that had remained untouched since the morning he had come to this room.
As he gave his reflection one last look, he realized with a start that he looked like a cruel combination of Sirius, Snape, and Moody, but thankfully without the canine like expressions, greasy hair, or magical eye. Deciding not to think such strange thoughts, he picked up his bag and set off out the door of his bedroom and into the common room where he was not surprised to see his godfather waiting for him in one of the armchairs before the fire.
"Harry, be careful today" he said bluntly as way of greeting, and Harry nodded his head agreeing that he would as he heard a light knock on the exterior door, but just as he was about to open it, Sirius called from behind him
"I'll see you later this morning Harry, and please remember to be careful" he said again, almost pleading this time, though Harry got the distinct opinion that Sirius was not telling him something important. Harry nodded again as he closed the door behind him and was met by the warm embrace he had come to cherish.
"Morning Harry" Ginny said into his robes as she pulled him close
"Morning Gin" he mumbled back to the girl before him before she pulled back and looked into his eyes
"Are you ready for this?" she asked with concern evident in her voice
"No, but I don't have a choice do I" he answered, unable to lie to her even if he had wanted to
"Harry, you're one of the most intelligent students in this school, I'm sure you will catch up with everyone else in no time" she told him confidently, though even as she said those words she knew it wasn't the schoolwork he was worried about
"It's not my classes that I'm not ready for Ginny" he told her as he broke her intent gaze and focused on the floor before him
"Everything will work out Harry, you'll see" she told him as she grabbed his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I hope you're right" he told her as he returned the gesture and set off down the hallway which was thankfully empty of any other students
When they were descending the grand staircase into the entry hall, she sent him a sideways glance and burst out laughing immediately.
"What's so funny" he demanded of her as he turned to face her at eye level since she was on the step above him on the staircase.
"You want people to stop thinking you're evil right" she managed to choke out between her fits of laughter
"Yesss" he answered hesitantly, not sure where this was going and not appreciating his girlfriend laughing at his efforts.
"Well, have you looked at yourself, the black outfit you're wearing combined with your hair make you look a lot like Snape from a distance, but without the grease" she explained as she continued to giggle hopelessly
He gave her a lopsided smile before he answered
"Not the best way to accomplish that is it?"
This caused her to burst out into another fit of giggles as she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to herself before whispering into his ear
"Probably not, but that doesn't matter because I love you even if you are dressing like the evil potions master"
With that said, she closed the little distance still remaining between them as he put his arms around her waist and kissing her passionately for several moments before they broke away and finished their trip into the great hall, unaware of the two students that had been standing on the landing on the second floor watching them the entire time.
"Well that was defiantly not what I wanted to see first thing in the morning, my little sister and best friend snogging" grumbled Ron as he looked at his girlfriend with wide eyes.
"Grow up Ron, they have been together since the beginning of our fifth year" admonished Hermione, though she didn't take her eyes off the doors of the great hall for an instant
"He acts completely normal around Ginny, like he was never gone" she muttered to herself distractedly before looking back to Ron who was still starring at the closed doors.
"Come on Ron, we have some serious apologizing and explaining to do" she said as she grabbed his arm and drug him down the stairs and into the great hall.
As soon as he heard the doors creak from behind him, Harry knew Ron and Hermione were there and a quick glance assured that it was indeed them before he turned back to his food.
He and Ginny were the only students in the Great Hall so far and had seated themselves at the end furthest from the door and other than the fleeting glance Harry had sent them had completely ignored Ron and Hermione even after they had seated themselves directly across from the couple. After a few moments of awkward silence, Hermione found her voice and spoke hesitantly.
"Harry, we came to apologize about what happened, we weren't thinking and we're sorry" she said as she starred across the table at the black haired boy who didn't even meet her gaze for an instant
"We realize now that we were wrong, you would never hurt us and we were just to thick headed to see that" added Ron, also starring intently at his friend "could you ever forgive us?" he asked hopefully
For several minutes, the four of them sat in silence, Ron and Hermione starring at Harry with regret written all over their faces as they thought he would no answer them, thus shattering their friendship for good. Ginny sat with her hand gripped tightly inside his as a sign of her silent support. When he still didn't speak, Ron tried again
"Harry, please forgive us, or at least Hermione because I don't think she ever believed you did anything wrong, I just forced her to see things my way. I know we hurt you and if you have to be angry with someone, be angry with me, not her" he pleaded, his words causing both his girlfriend and sister to look at him in surprise and even a hint of pride at his words.
Finally, Harry took his eyes from his breakfast and met that of his two best friends, brown and blue meeting green in silent hope before he said the word that had been haunting him for three weeks.
"Why?"
No one would have thought one small word could have had such an impact, but it did as they both looked at one another with bloodless faces as they silently fought over who would answer that question, but just as Ron was about to open his mouth, he was cut off.
"You don't have to answer, just think about it. I know I probably shocked you, but you did wake me out of a sound sleep, I thought Sirius would have advised you against that" he said with his trademark half grin in place, showing them that he had forgiven them at least a little as soon as they walked through the door.
"Yeah, well he tried to but this git ignored him, imagine that" said Hermione as she grinned at her best friend.
"What did you do to him Harry? It would have taken a lot to convince him not to interfere with you" asked Ron as he too broke into a smile, but he was startled by what he saw when he looked back to his friend.
While they had been talking, Harry had looked and acted just like the boy that had disappeared, but now he looked like a stranger to them. His eyes had completely lost their focus, and even though he was starring straight at his friends, he didn't really see them. His face had lost all the healthy color it had contained only moments before and every muscle in his body was rigid.
Frightened, they both looked at Ginny hoping she could explain what was happening, but one look at her face revealed that she was just as lost as them, and just as scarred.
'What do you think you are doing boy? They aren't worthy of your forgiveness.'
'Friends are always worthy of forgiveness, regardless of what you may think'
'Look what they did to you! How can you forgive them so easily when you know very well that they will do the same thing when they see your arm'
'Because I know deep down that they meant what they said, and they will always be there for me and I for them and that kind of friendship and trust is not to be taken lightly, even by you'
'I can already tell you that this blind compassion you have to protect them will be your downfall boy, and because of this, you will be defeated once and for all the instant you give into the temptation and act on your dark feelings'
Suddenly, his eyes snapped back into focus as his breathing became rapid and he looked frantically into the three faces around him and then scanned the Great Hall as though looking for something or someone, but not seeing anything out of the ordinary, his breathing slowed and his face visibly relaxed.
"Harry what happened to you? Are you alright?" asked Ginny
It took him several moments to answer, and when he did, his voice was the same low volume it had been for the past weeks, but it now held an edge of apprehension.
"Yeah Gin, I'm fine" he told her as he continued to look sporadically around the hall and into the dark corners as though he expected something to come up from behind at any instant and attack them.
"What happened Harry?" she repeated her previous question, desperate for an answer
"I don't know" he told her, and he truly looked confused by the entire ordeal, but before she could press the matter further, the doors to the hall opened and other students began to filter in and sit at their respective tables to eat.
Harry was scared, he didn't know what the voice was that had spoken to him or where it had come from, all he did know was that he didn't like it or the words spoken. He had heard the voice before now, but always in his nightmares and he could never remember what it had said to him when he woke up. He shook these disturbing thoughts from his mind though and instead focused on eating his breakfast as quickly as possible.
Nobody paid any attention to the small group of Gryffindors as they entered, including their fellow house mates until the professors began to enter. To the four students, their reaction could have almost be considered humorous.
Professors Flitwick and Sprout were the first to enter and they were surveying the gathered students with wide but tired smiles on their faces, but when they passed by the head of Gryffindor table, they both stopped in their tracks as they looked curiously at Harry from the back, and feeling their eyes on him, he turned around suddenly, causing both of the professors to stumble backward in surprise, landing on top of two Hufflepuff students before gathering themselves and continuing to their seats at the staff table, still looking at him curiously every few minutes. Apparently the headmaster had forgotten to inform the staff that Harry would be attending classes and meals again.
Many students had noticed their professors behavior and thus turned to see what had prompted them. Whispers could be heard almost immediately as the students realized what was going on and nearly every student present was glaring at his back.
Noticing the reactions of their fellow students, Hermione and Ron stood and motioned for Harry and Ginny to so the same and they made their way to the exit of the great hall in silence with their heads held high in a defiant sort of way, Harry in the lead and his friends right on his heals.
As soon as they reached the doors though, another figure came swiftly around the corner and ran right into Harry, who was so intent on his exit that he was knocked from his feet, landing with a loud thump on the floor and raising his arm in front of his body which he instantly lowered upon recognizing the sallow skinned potions master.
"Watch where you're going." said the person he had run into before he looked at the student in front of him, his eyes going wide in his apparent shock before one more word left his lips, in the form of a question, but containing none of the contempt his others had "Potter?"
"Who else would it be? And in case you didn't notice, it was you who ran into me professor" his words were not spoken above a mere whisper, but they echoed around the hall and in the ears of all present as though he had been yelling, but as it was, this present tone of his voice was far more effective than even the loudest of screams.
The Great Hall was silent as Harry locked eyes with the potions master for a moment before pulling himself to his feet with the aid of Ron and exiting the hall without uttering another word to the man or looking over his shoulder at the still stunned students who could not believe that he had said those words to the professor and still hadn't even lost any points or earned a detention.
Nobody had ever gotten away with something like what he had just done without being punished severely.
Snape however seemed to ignore his words and continued on his way to the staff table and after several minutes, a gentle hum of conversation resumed around the hall.
When Harry awoke the next morning, it took him a few minutes to remember why he felt so tense, but then the memories of the conversation the night before came back full force and he groaned and rolled over, wishing he could just stay in bed all day.
He then remembered that Ginny would be there in only twenty minutes so he decided he couldn't avoid that day and got out of bed slowly. He proceeded to dress into what had become his standard uniform of black slacks, black boots, and a long sleeved black shirt that kept the hideous mark on his arm hidden from all others.
He then approached the large mirror on the back of the closet door to evaluate his changed appearance. The bruises had faded completely from his face, as had the cuts, leaving behind two vicious looking scars, one about two inches long above his right eye and the other stretching from his cheek bone to his jaw on the left side of his face.
Other than the scars though, his face was looking about a hundred percent better than it had on the night of the feast. It had gone from looking like the color of death to the healthy color of a normal seventeen year old during his time living with Sirius.
Another great improvement could be seen by the way that his cloths no longer hung on his frame like a skeleton, but instead fit his frame like they were designed to, thanks partly to the fact that Ginny had practically forced him to eat everything in sight every time she had come by to see him at meal times, which was every night.
She had also had an influence on the way he wore his hair as well, threatening to hex him if he so much as dared to cut it short again, insisting that it made him look mysterious. He chuckled slightly at the memory as he drug a brush through the hair that was no longer messy but long and straight, framing his face with its darkness. He secured it at the nape of his neck in a loose ponytail before putting on his black Hogwarts robes that had remained untouched since the morning he had come to this room.
As he gave his reflection one last look, he realized with a start that he looked like a cruel combination of Sirius, Snape, and Moody, but thankfully without the canine like expressions, greasy hair, or magical eye. Deciding not to think such strange thoughts, he picked up his bag and set off out the door of his bedroom and into the common room where he was not surprised to see his godfather waiting for him in one of the armchairs before the fire.
"Harry, be careful today" he said bluntly as way of greeting, and Harry nodded his head agreeing that he would as he heard a light knock on the exterior door, but just as he was about to open it, Sirius called from behind him
"I'll see you later this morning Harry, and please remember to be careful" he said again, almost pleading this time, though Harry got the distinct opinion that Sirius was not telling him something important. Harry nodded again as he closed the door behind him and was met by the warm embrace he had come to cherish.
"Morning Harry" Ginny said into his robes as she pulled him close
"Morning Gin" he mumbled back to the girl before him before she pulled back and looked into his eyes
"Are you ready for this?" she asked with concern evident in her voice
"No, but I don't have a choice do I" he answered, unable to lie to her even if he had wanted to
"Harry, you're one of the most intelligent students in this school, I'm sure you will catch up with everyone else in no time" she told him confidently, though even as she said those words she knew it wasn't the schoolwork he was worried about
"It's not my classes that I'm not ready for Ginny" he told her as he broke her intent gaze and focused on the floor before him
"Everything will work out Harry, you'll see" she told him as she grabbed his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I hope you're right" he told her as he returned the gesture and set off down the hallway which was thankfully empty of any other students
When they were descending the grand staircase into the entry hall, she sent him a sideways glance and burst out laughing immediately.
"What's so funny" he demanded of her as he turned to face her at eye level since she was on the step above him on the staircase.
"You want people to stop thinking you're evil right" she managed to choke out between her fits of laughter
"Yesss" he answered hesitantly, not sure where this was going and not appreciating his girlfriend laughing at his efforts.
"Well, have you looked at yourself, the black outfit you're wearing combined with your hair make you look a lot like Snape from a distance, but without the grease" she explained as she continued to giggle hopelessly
He gave her a lopsided smile before he answered
"Not the best way to accomplish that is it?"
This caused her to burst out into another fit of giggles as she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to herself before whispering into his ear
"Probably not, but that doesn't matter because I love you even if you are dressing like the evil potions master"
With that said, she closed the little distance still remaining between them as he put his arms around her waist and kissing her passionately for several moments before they broke away and finished their trip into the great hall, unaware of the two students that had been standing on the landing on the second floor watching them the entire time.
"Well that was defiantly not what I wanted to see first thing in the morning, my little sister and best friend snogging" grumbled Ron as he looked at his girlfriend with wide eyes.
"Grow up Ron, they have been together since the beginning of our fifth year" admonished Hermione, though she didn't take her eyes off the doors of the great hall for an instant
"He acts completely normal around Ginny, like he was never gone" she muttered to herself distractedly before looking back to Ron who was still starring at the closed doors.
"Come on Ron, we have some serious apologizing and explaining to do" she said as she grabbed his arm and drug him down the stairs and into the great hall.
As soon as he heard the doors creak from behind him, Harry knew Ron and Hermione were there and a quick glance assured that it was indeed them before he turned back to his food.
He and Ginny were the only students in the Great Hall so far and had seated themselves at the end furthest from the door and other than the fleeting glance Harry had sent them had completely ignored Ron and Hermione even after they had seated themselves directly across from the couple. After a few moments of awkward silence, Hermione found her voice and spoke hesitantly.
"Harry, we came to apologize about what happened, we weren't thinking and we're sorry" she said as she starred across the table at the black haired boy who didn't even meet her gaze for an instant
"We realize now that we were wrong, you would never hurt us and we were just to thick headed to see that" added Ron, also starring intently at his friend "could you ever forgive us?" he asked hopefully
For several minutes, the four of them sat in silence, Ron and Hermione starring at Harry with regret written all over their faces as they thought he would no answer them, thus shattering their friendship for good. Ginny sat with her hand gripped tightly inside his as a sign of her silent support. When he still didn't speak, Ron tried again
"Harry, please forgive us, or at least Hermione because I don't think she ever believed you did anything wrong, I just forced her to see things my way. I know we hurt you and if you have to be angry with someone, be angry with me, not her" he pleaded, his words causing both his girlfriend and sister to look at him in surprise and even a hint of pride at his words.
Finally, Harry took his eyes from his breakfast and met that of his two best friends, brown and blue meeting green in silent hope before he said the word that had been haunting him for three weeks.
"Why?"
No one would have thought one small word could have had such an impact, but it did as they both looked at one another with bloodless faces as they silently fought over who would answer that question, but just as Ron was about to open his mouth, he was cut off.
"You don't have to answer, just think about it. I know I probably shocked you, but you did wake me out of a sound sleep, I thought Sirius would have advised you against that" he said with his trademark half grin in place, showing them that he had forgiven them at least a little as soon as they walked through the door.
"Yeah, well he tried to but this git ignored him, imagine that" said Hermione as she grinned at her best friend.
"What did you do to him Harry? It would have taken a lot to convince him not to interfere with you" asked Ron as he too broke into a smile, but he was startled by what he saw when he looked back to his friend.
While they had been talking, Harry had looked and acted just like the boy that had disappeared, but now he looked like a stranger to them. His eyes had completely lost their focus, and even though he was starring straight at his friends, he didn't really see them. His face had lost all the healthy color it had contained only moments before and every muscle in his body was rigid.
Frightened, they both looked at Ginny hoping she could explain what was happening, but one look at her face revealed that she was just as lost as them, and just as scarred.
'What do you think you are doing boy? They aren't worthy of your forgiveness.'
'Friends are always worthy of forgiveness, regardless of what you may think'
'Look what they did to you! How can you forgive them so easily when you know very well that they will do the same thing when they see your arm'
'Because I know deep down that they meant what they said, and they will always be there for me and I for them and that kind of friendship and trust is not to be taken lightly, even by you'
'I can already tell you that this blind compassion you have to protect them will be your downfall boy, and because of this, you will be defeated once and for all the instant you give into the temptation and act on your dark feelings'
Suddenly, his eyes snapped back into focus as his breathing became rapid and he looked frantically into the three faces around him and then scanned the Great Hall as though looking for something or someone, but not seeing anything out of the ordinary, his breathing slowed and his face visibly relaxed.
"Harry what happened to you? Are you alright?" asked Ginny
It took him several moments to answer, and when he did, his voice was the same low volume it had been for the past weeks, but it now held an edge of apprehension.
"Yeah Gin, I'm fine" he told her as he continued to look sporadically around the hall and into the dark corners as though he expected something to come up from behind at any instant and attack them.
"What happened Harry?" she repeated her previous question, desperate for an answer
"I don't know" he told her, and he truly looked confused by the entire ordeal, but before she could press the matter further, the doors to the hall opened and other students began to filter in and sit at their respective tables to eat.
Harry was scared, he didn't know what the voice was that had spoken to him or where it had come from, all he did know was that he didn't like it or the words spoken. He had heard the voice before now, but always in his nightmares and he could never remember what it had said to him when he woke up. He shook these disturbing thoughts from his mind though and instead focused on eating his breakfast as quickly as possible.
Nobody paid any attention to the small group of Gryffindors as they entered, including their fellow house mates until the professors began to enter. To the four students, their reaction could have almost be considered humorous.
Professors Flitwick and Sprout were the first to enter and they were surveying the gathered students with wide but tired smiles on their faces, but when they passed by the head of Gryffindor table, they both stopped in their tracks as they looked curiously at Harry from the back, and feeling their eyes on him, he turned around suddenly, causing both of the professors to stumble backward in surprise, landing on top of two Hufflepuff students before gathering themselves and continuing to their seats at the staff table, still looking at him curiously every few minutes. Apparently the headmaster had forgotten to inform the staff that Harry would be attending classes and meals again.
Many students had noticed their professors behavior and thus turned to see what had prompted them. Whispers could be heard almost immediately as the students realized what was going on and nearly every student present was glaring at his back.
Noticing the reactions of their fellow students, Hermione and Ron stood and motioned for Harry and Ginny to so the same and they made their way to the exit of the great hall in silence with their heads held high in a defiant sort of way, Harry in the lead and his friends right on his heals.
As soon as they reached the doors though, another figure came swiftly around the corner and ran right into Harry, who was so intent on his exit that he was knocked from his feet, landing with a loud thump on the floor and raising his arm in front of his body which he instantly lowered upon recognizing the sallow skinned potions master.
"Watch where you're going." said the person he had run into before he looked at the student in front of him, his eyes going wide in his apparent shock before one more word left his lips, in the form of a question, but containing none of the contempt his others had "Potter?"
"Who else would it be? And in case you didn't notice, it was you who ran into me professor" his words were not spoken above a mere whisper, but they echoed around the hall and in the ears of all present as though he had been yelling, but as it was, this present tone of his voice was far more effective than even the loudest of screams.
The Great Hall was silent as Harry locked eyes with the potions master for a moment before pulling himself to his feet with the aid of Ron and exiting the hall without uttering another word to the man or looking over his shoulder at the still stunned students who could not believe that he had said those words to the professor and still hadn't even lost any points or earned a detention.
Nobody had ever gotten away with something like what he had just done without being punished severely.
Snape however seemed to ignore his words and continued on his way to the staff table and after several minutes, a gentle hum of conversation resumed around the hall.