Dear Diary,
Things have changed so much in the past month and for the best, I think. Reese moved back here and he lives with his Aunt which is fantastic, I didn't realize how much I needed him when he was gone but now I couldn't imagine not being with him, not seeing him every day. We have gotten so close but I still haven't told him that I love him, I don't know why I haven't but I just can't get the courage to. The baby is fine, and at four months I'm starting to show and today I'm going in for an ultrasound and Reese is coming with me. I guess I'll find out if it's a girl or a boy. I think I'm leaning toward adoption, I'm not sure if I'm responsible enough right now to give it the life it needs. I've gone back to school, at first I was afraid what people would think, how everyone would know what happened, I thought I would feel like I was parading my shame around school, but people have been so nice that I feel bad for not having faith in them. I'm taking some special classes at my school to learn how to deal with the changes during pregnancy. It's taught me a lot already. Before when I would see pregnant girls in the hallway I would think how superior I was to them, I thought that they must be horrible, wild girls who did drugs and stayed out all night but I was so wrong, even though their circumstances are different from mine I still feel a connection to them. This one girl, Courtney, she'd as old as me and seven months along. Her boyfriend got her pregnant and dumped her and once again I'm reminded how special Reese is, he is willing to take responsibility for a child that isn't his and I don't know how I could live without his support. Well Eve is here have to pick me up for my appointment.
Jessica
Jessica went downstairs as she heard the honk of a horn. Reese was waiting in the living room for her, she wanted him to be there. She knew her mother loved her but it was obvious how she felt about the baby, there were short conversations but nothing about the joys of motherhood, or labor, or raising children. It would just be nice to know that her mother would support any decision that she decided to make.
Jessica knew her parents were stressed out and she tried not to let their lack of comfort upset her, her Dad didn't know how to act around her and Jessica understood that but Reese treated her like she was normal. They got into Eve's car and drove to the hospital.
They arrived at the hospital and Eve took her to the examination room where she told her to make herself comfortable and lay back on the table. Jessica did so and started as Eve's pager went off.
"I'm sorry, I'll be back as soon as I can," said Eve leaving them alone.
Jessica clasped Reese's hand and he smiled.
"So do you think it'll be a girl or a boy?" he asked smiling down at her.
"Girl."
"I'm thinking a boy and then he'll grow up to be a strapping young man like me,"
"As if!" said Jessica laughing.
"Come on, boys are so much better than girls, you know the old saying, 'boys rule and girls drool'."
"I think you got that backwards, buddy."
They were still laughing when Eve came back in.
"Okay, let's get started."
Jessica watched as Eve prepared to do the ultrasound, she had had two other ultrasounds since she got pregnant but the sex of the baby hadn't been distinguishable and Jessica had refrained from looking at the baby, thinking it would be to painful, today she vowed that she would look, this baby that was part of her deserved at least that much. Jessica lifted her shirt up a ways and pushed her pants down a bit to expose her protruding stomach. It embarrassed her that Reese saw but she wanted him there all the same, he hadn't been with her the other two times but she wanted to share this with him.
It was hard to believe she was already four months into the pregnancy, soon she would really be showing and she wouldn't be able to deny that there was really a baby inside her. Eve got everything ready and then turned on the machine. Jessica closed her eyes afraid to look, but after a few seconds she started to hear a slight thump-thump and she knew it was the baby's heart. Reese squeezed her hand and Jessica got up the courage to open her eyes and look over at the screen. She saw a big moving mass and couldn't make out any body parts except maybe a hand or a foot.
"Look Jessica that's a hand right there," Eve said pointing.
"I thought it was the head," said Reese and Jessica managed a shaky laugh.
"Would you like to know if it's a girl or a boy?" asked Eve.
Jessica kept her eyes on the screen. That was her baby. HER baby. Before it had just been the baby but this was hers, all hers. "Yes, can you tell?"
"Yup, right there. It's gonna be a girl," said Eve smiling.
"I'm going to have a daughter? A little girl?"
Fifteen minutes later Jessica was sitting on the exam table. "Okay, here is a refill of your prenatal vitamins and we'll set up another appointment soon."
"Thanks, Eve."
"You're welcome, well, I better get you two home," she said opening the door for them.
"So, how do you feel?" asked Reese on the drive back.
"I feel…good. I'm going to take a shift of the bed and breakfast when I get home, do you want to keep me company?"
"Sure, if you don't mind."
"Not all," she said with a smile.
Jessica was sitting at her desk talking to Reese when a customer came in. "Hi, I'm Jessica, welcome to the Bennett Bed and Breakfast."
"Hello, my name is David. Do you have any vacancies?" asked the older man with an accent. He kind of reminded her of her father, he had that same ruggedly handsome thing going on.
"Sure, I just need your name, and some other information."
"David Hastings. You don't happen to know where I can find a woman, Grace?"
"Sure, that's my mother. Are you two friends?"
"You could say that. I'll only be staying a few days, maybe I'll run into her."
After Jessica had gotten Mr. Hastings settled she sat down next to Reese. "He seems very nice. I wonder how my mom knows him."
"Maybe he helped her organize a charity event or something."
"Yeah, that's probably it."