Disclaimer: Who could believe that *I* was J.R Tolkien?
Author Notes: Thank you so much everyone!! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could even get close to 60 reviews! I hope this chapter does not disappoint anyone.
English is my second language, so I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Elvish is the way I believe it to be, most likely mistaken. Any quotes are taken from the book.
To answer a review I got: I use the Sindarin dictionary and my own imagination for the elvish, to answer "Empress Greenleaf (aka GeminiE" who asked :) And yeah, English is my second language ^_^ I speak Spanish.
Please, R&R! A few little words mean so much to me!
Master in Deceiving
By Yours Truly
"But it is still dark," said Gimli, barely awakening. "Even Legolas on a hill-top could not see them till the Sun is up."
{If I do not find a reason to keep fighting, I'm afraid I would not see your hand in front of my eyes, Master dwarf}
{What reason is there to keep fighting, Legolas? Haldir, and now even Aragorn have seen your weakness, seen how you hide}
{I did not wish to stay in the dark…I did not wish to show them}
{Yet, you did. You did not fight…}
"I fear they have passed beyond my sight from hill or plain, under moon or sun," said Legolas.
Aragorn's eyes were sad when he noticed Legolas averted his gaze from his, even when he answered his words.
"Where sight fails the earth may bring us rumour," The ranger said, placing his ear to the ground.
{I could hear them as well, Aragorn, stand up from the floor. We must move}
{Do you realize how selfish you are?}
Aragorn focused in hearing the distant sound of iron clad feet, and the approaching sound of horses. His sleep had been troubled from the sounds, and he distractedly thought that he would not be sleeping well for some time, now. For even if these were not dangerous and troubled times, his friend's words had shook him to the bone.
{I wish to help…}
{Aye, you wish to help yourself}
{i periannath…} (The hobbits)
{…Are not important to you, as long as you receive what you long for}
It was the first time in a life-long friendship the ranger had ever heard Legolas admit an emotion openly…much less show the terror in his eyes, as he had in that instant.
{All I long for is freedom}
{Freedom? Pray tell, where are you being held?}
{In my own mind…and I wish it no longer, I wish for no voices, and I wish for freedom, for normalcy}
{Hear this little Prince, for without voices, you would not seem normal. For normalcy, with you, has always been a mere illusion, created by yourself, to others. And this is what has occurred. To others you are normal, and you are left to deal with the reality…alone}
Finally deciding on what to inform, Aragorn stood up from the ground in the dawn's pale light, and glanced at his friends; informing them both of the horses coming, and the very distant sound of the orcs.
{Go and run, Legolas. But from yourself you cannot escape}
"Let us go!" The elf said, looking ahead.
{Let us go, by Elbereth, allow me to run}
{Weak}
So the third day of their pursuit began. During all its long hours of cloud and fitful sun they hardly paused, now striding, now running, as if no weariness could quench the fire that burned them. They seldom spoke.
And Legolas felt every instant like a thousand of his years, for the silence that reigned between him and his friends, was not lived by him.
{Run, run little Prince}
His legs felt light, as he ran.
{Try to escape, attempt to entertain yourself, but you will see}
Yet his mind felt as heavy as the biggest rock.
Aragorn was close behind him, the hobbits were in mortal danger, and they had to reach them before Saruman could do anything to the poor little ones…
{You will see it is not possible to run from your fears, and it is not possible to ignore your own mind}
Endless leagues they had passed, and Legolas was certain he would keep running for endless days, if it was what it took to bring home those cheery hobbits. Yet he knew that the others could not, and his internal battle was tiring him, in the way running never did. The silence was heavy in these lands, and the lack of life around them, had him alert to anything.
{Selfish you are, little Prince. You are alert; because you do not wish to hear what you know is the truth. Without this voices that confuse you and make you fight against your own mind, you would not seem normal to others. You would not know how to handle anything}
And adding to everything else, he could feel another presence in the air, in his very thoughts, trying to slow him down…another presence that for once, were not his own doubts.
The company halted at dusk, and Legolas turned to look at Aragorn, for the first time since they had spoken earlier, in the eyes.
{You cannot run}
"Now do I most grudge a time of rest or any halt in our chase" said Legolas. "The Orcs have run before us, as if the very whips of Sauron were behind them. I fear they have already reached the forest and the dark hills, and even now are passing into the shadows of the trees."
{I wish to die}
{Your wish shall be granted when your right all your wrongs}
{How am I to bring the dead back to life? How am I alone to save the little ones from an army or orcs?}
{How are you to die, then, my dear Prince?}
Aragorn was speaking of something important, something he knew, and he forced his mind to focus on his voice.
"…Sets an unseen barrier before us: a weariness that is in the heart more than in the limb." The human was saying. And Legolas recognized of what he spoke of.
"Truly!" said Legolas. "That I have known since first we came down from the Emyn Muil. For the will is not behind us but before us." Pointing he drew his friend's attention away from his face.
"Saruman!" He heard his mortal friend mutter, and then he said what he did not want to hear.
They were to rest once more.
Gathering strength, he offered to take first watch and let his friends sleep. Focusing on his surroundings and on the quest ahead, Legolas did not wake anybody during the night, for he knew that if he sank into the dream world, he might stay there.
But on this night, there was never silence…always his own voice haunted him, to the point of wishing he were a mortal, for surely he would have dropped dead by now.
{Weak…}
{Coward…}
{Not worthy…}
{Murderer…}
{You wish to give up…}
{Rest, little Prince…}
{Go, and dream…}
{Cannot escape, you shall never escape…}
Giving up on his mask, in the external quiet of the night, his tears fell silent, with no one to witness the scene…or so the elf thought.
For two pairs of eyes were watching, and both felt dread at the thought of facing Legolas.
For, no matter how much Aragorn had always wished that Legolas would break his mask; he was not ready to face it, just now. He was not ready to deal with the pain he could see on his friend's expression.
And a shadow observed, a strange, sad light in it's ancient eyes.
****
When Legolas could take no more, he moved to wake his friends, waking Aragorn first. He moved to wake the dwarf when the ranger caught his arm.
"Legolas, we must speak of this" his voice was gentle as he looked deeply into the familiar elven features "whatever is troubling you, is killing you, I can see it in your eyes"
Legolas shook his head, his words soft. "'Tis nothing my friend…I am merely saddened, that is all"
Aragorn stopped his second attempt to wake Gimli, and forced him to look into grey eyes.
"It is not nothing" he said firmly "if it were nothing, your eyes would not be begging me to understand as we speak"
Legolas sighed, knowing Aragorn, he would not let go of the subject. He sat down on the ground and pulled the ranger to sit next to him; when he did, the elf took a hold of his forearms and looked him straight in the eyes.
{I am scared}
{I am weak}
{I wish to die}
{I murdered Mithrandir}
{I have killed Boromir}
{The hobbits are gone because of me}
{I am slaughtering you all}
{The quest shall fail because of me}
"I am all right," His voice declared, with a note of sadness and a note of honesty. Fake honesty. And if Aragorn had not grown up amongst elves, he would not know the difference.
But he did.
"You are not" the ranger said firmly, holding the gaze of his friend "You seem…gone sometimes, my friend. Your eyes as vacant as if you slept, yet I know, you have not rested. Whenever we mention Gandalf, you turn your eyes away" Aragorn paused, when he saw Legolas almost did it again, but controlled himself. "And now, if I even dare to say something of Boromir's demise, your expression becomes so tortured, I cannot help but wonder if your heart is fading with grief"
The last words were no more than a whisper, and they resounded like a shout in the elf's mind.
{Grief}
{You're dying}
{Like I deserve}
{But you must not. For you must right all your wrongs}
{'Tis impossible…}
{You have caused everything, and you are thinking of leaving everything behind, for your friends to correct what you did wrong?}
"Do not speak of such things, my friend" Legolas said with a small…forced, smile. "I am not fading, grief has not…"
"Legolas just…please, speak with the truth for once!" Aragorn spoke loudly, and winced when he remembered the sleeping dwarf.
But Gimli still slept, and he turned to the elf again.
"You are not all right, you are more than merely saddened" his voice was quieter now, but the power of his words were not lost on the elf "Legolas, I remember what you told me when we passed the mines of Moria…"
Blue eyes turned away and Aragorn forced his chin up, to face him.
"You. Did. Not. Murder. Gandalf" Aragorn said fiercely. "You did nothing, that the rest of us did not"
{Yes you did, Legolas. You know you have} No words can compete with your own voice.
"Aragorn…" he sighed "I shall leave the quest if this is troubling you so…I knew I should have gone back in Lothlórien, but for a moment, it had seemed different. Not any more, though, my friend. You do not need to try and make me happy with a lie, or forgive me for my actions…"
"Legolas, 'tis nothing but the truth…"
{'Tis not}
"It is not" his voice was as quiet as the wind, but his words were heard by the human "I heard the warning, and allowed Mithrandir to die, instead of me" he sighed "It was my time, and now, death has been after me…it took Boromir, and it will take the rest of you if I fail to go…Aragorn, 'tis my responsibility, I tried to make it right…"
"Legolas, you are over two thousand years old" Aragorn stated sadly "You are wise, my friend, very wise. I know you cannot possibly believe this"
{I do not…}
{But it is the truth}
{Estel says 'tis not…}
{Lies…all lies…}
{He does not lie!}
{He does not? He is perfect then?}
{Honest, not perfect…}
{So desperate are you to escape reality? You are willing to believe the words that speak what you wish to hear?}
{Yes}
"I…I do not know, Estel" He finally whispered "it chases after me every second…every day, and it speaks in my own voice, it speaks…and it says so much, so many things…and they must be truth, for I hear them as clearly as I hear you speak"
Aragorn moved closer to his friend and spoke, seeing that the blasted mask was for once gone, as Legolas was speaking and emotion could be seen, clearly written on his features…for the first time since Aragorn could remember.
"What you hear is guilt, Legolas, guilt that you should not carry, for the shadows wished to take you, and you fought it, and it failed to bring you down. Legolas, you won that battle"
"I did not fought…"
"Yes you did, Legolas" Aragorn whispered harshly "You fought it, you fought the shadows, you fought the orcs and the goblins, and without you, we might have not escaped those darks realms"
"Maybe we should not have escaped…" Legolas whispered to himself, repeating the words being whispered into his thoughts.
"What?" Aragorn hissed, now grabbing the elf by he shoulders "How can you have said that?"
"We escaped, only to loose Boromir, to separate from Frodo and the gentle Sam, and to allow those other two little hobbits to be taken by a band of orcs!" Legolas exclaimed, once more endangering waking Gimli.
But heavy was the sleep of dwarfs, and for that Aragorn had never been more thankful.
"Gandalf, and Boromir, both have passed in glory, for they died fighting the darkness…and Legolas you are allowing it to consume you without a fight."
{You do not deserve glory}
"Of course you deserve glory, Legolas!"
Just then, did the elf realize that he was no longer speaking, for the words that escaped his mouth were the same, that those whispering in his mind.
"You are warrior, and such a wise, gentle spirit…you deserve everything"
{Of course you do not! You are nothing but a murderer, and the one to blame for slaughtering you all, one by one. What of the quest if the next is Estel? What then? What of the hobbits, and of the ring, if you go after Frodo after that?}
"What is this, Legolas?" Aragorn hissed, angry like he was speaking to Sauron himself. "For this is not my friend, not the elf I have known my whole life!"
{No, 'tis not. For with each one you murder, you have killed yourself}
"You are in there Legolas, and 'tis not you speaking"
{Who then?}
"Fight it, Legolas. Fight like you have done every single time you wish for something!"
{I wish for freedom}
{And you shall not have it, for you are not ready}
"Legolas, you are strong!"
{Weak}
"You know you can fight it"
{You shall never escape}
"Come back to me, my friend"
{You are a murderer}
"Fight"
{Sleep}
Blue eyes closed, and before Aragorn's eyes, Legolas shuddered visibly, before he sat still again.
When his gaze met his once more, the light in them was…just as he remembered it, and a smile escaped Legolas' lips, for the first time in long endless days.
"I thank you, Estel," His voice said softly, and Aragorn felt his face broke into a smile of his own.
Legolas stood up from his seat, and nodded towards the horizon. "But now, we must continue"
As before Legolas was first afoot, if indeed he had ever slept. "Awake! Awake!" he cried. "It is a red dawn. Strange things await us by the eaves of the forest. Good or evil, I do not know; but we are called. Awake!"
And of that night's conversation that was all Gimli heard.
{You will see, little Prince. You shall see}
To be continued.
The longest chapter yet, is it not? I hope I have not disappointed anyone!
Author Notes: Thank you so much everyone!! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could even get close to 60 reviews! I hope this chapter does not disappoint anyone.
English is my second language, so I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Elvish is the way I believe it to be, most likely mistaken. Any quotes are taken from the book.
To answer a review I got: I use the Sindarin dictionary and my own imagination for the elvish, to answer "Empress Greenleaf (aka GeminiE" who asked :) And yeah, English is my second language ^_^ I speak Spanish.
Please, R&R! A few little words mean so much to me!
Master in Deceiving
By Yours Truly
"But it is still dark," said Gimli, barely awakening. "Even Legolas on a hill-top could not see them till the Sun is up."
{If I do not find a reason to keep fighting, I'm afraid I would not see your hand in front of my eyes, Master dwarf}
{What reason is there to keep fighting, Legolas? Haldir, and now even Aragorn have seen your weakness, seen how you hide}
{I did not wish to stay in the dark…I did not wish to show them}
{Yet, you did. You did not fight…}
"I fear they have passed beyond my sight from hill or plain, under moon or sun," said Legolas.
Aragorn's eyes were sad when he noticed Legolas averted his gaze from his, even when he answered his words.
"Where sight fails the earth may bring us rumour," The ranger said, placing his ear to the ground.
{I could hear them as well, Aragorn, stand up from the floor. We must move}
{Do you realize how selfish you are?}
Aragorn focused in hearing the distant sound of iron clad feet, and the approaching sound of horses. His sleep had been troubled from the sounds, and he distractedly thought that he would not be sleeping well for some time, now. For even if these were not dangerous and troubled times, his friend's words had shook him to the bone.
{I wish to help…}
{Aye, you wish to help yourself}
{i periannath…} (The hobbits)
{…Are not important to you, as long as you receive what you long for}
It was the first time in a life-long friendship the ranger had ever heard Legolas admit an emotion openly…much less show the terror in his eyes, as he had in that instant.
{All I long for is freedom}
{Freedom? Pray tell, where are you being held?}
{In my own mind…and I wish it no longer, I wish for no voices, and I wish for freedom, for normalcy}
{Hear this little Prince, for without voices, you would not seem normal. For normalcy, with you, has always been a mere illusion, created by yourself, to others. And this is what has occurred. To others you are normal, and you are left to deal with the reality…alone}
Finally deciding on what to inform, Aragorn stood up from the ground in the dawn's pale light, and glanced at his friends; informing them both of the horses coming, and the very distant sound of the orcs.
{Go and run, Legolas. But from yourself you cannot escape}
"Let us go!" The elf said, looking ahead.
{Let us go, by Elbereth, allow me to run}
{Weak}
So the third day of their pursuit began. During all its long hours of cloud and fitful sun they hardly paused, now striding, now running, as if no weariness could quench the fire that burned them. They seldom spoke.
And Legolas felt every instant like a thousand of his years, for the silence that reigned between him and his friends, was not lived by him.
{Run, run little Prince}
His legs felt light, as he ran.
{Try to escape, attempt to entertain yourself, but you will see}
Yet his mind felt as heavy as the biggest rock.
Aragorn was close behind him, the hobbits were in mortal danger, and they had to reach them before Saruman could do anything to the poor little ones…
{You will see it is not possible to run from your fears, and it is not possible to ignore your own mind}
Endless leagues they had passed, and Legolas was certain he would keep running for endless days, if it was what it took to bring home those cheery hobbits. Yet he knew that the others could not, and his internal battle was tiring him, in the way running never did. The silence was heavy in these lands, and the lack of life around them, had him alert to anything.
{Selfish you are, little Prince. You are alert; because you do not wish to hear what you know is the truth. Without this voices that confuse you and make you fight against your own mind, you would not seem normal to others. You would not know how to handle anything}
And adding to everything else, he could feel another presence in the air, in his very thoughts, trying to slow him down…another presence that for once, were not his own doubts.
The company halted at dusk, and Legolas turned to look at Aragorn, for the first time since they had spoken earlier, in the eyes.
{You cannot run}
"Now do I most grudge a time of rest or any halt in our chase" said Legolas. "The Orcs have run before us, as if the very whips of Sauron were behind them. I fear they have already reached the forest and the dark hills, and even now are passing into the shadows of the trees."
{I wish to die}
{Your wish shall be granted when your right all your wrongs}
{How am I to bring the dead back to life? How am I alone to save the little ones from an army or orcs?}
{How are you to die, then, my dear Prince?}
Aragorn was speaking of something important, something he knew, and he forced his mind to focus on his voice.
"…Sets an unseen barrier before us: a weariness that is in the heart more than in the limb." The human was saying. And Legolas recognized of what he spoke of.
"Truly!" said Legolas. "That I have known since first we came down from the Emyn Muil. For the will is not behind us but before us." Pointing he drew his friend's attention away from his face.
"Saruman!" He heard his mortal friend mutter, and then he said what he did not want to hear.
They were to rest once more.
Gathering strength, he offered to take first watch and let his friends sleep. Focusing on his surroundings and on the quest ahead, Legolas did not wake anybody during the night, for he knew that if he sank into the dream world, he might stay there.
But on this night, there was never silence…always his own voice haunted him, to the point of wishing he were a mortal, for surely he would have dropped dead by now.
{Weak…}
{Coward…}
{Not worthy…}
{Murderer…}
{You wish to give up…}
{Rest, little Prince…}
{Go, and dream…}
{Cannot escape, you shall never escape…}
Giving up on his mask, in the external quiet of the night, his tears fell silent, with no one to witness the scene…or so the elf thought.
For two pairs of eyes were watching, and both felt dread at the thought of facing Legolas.
For, no matter how much Aragorn had always wished that Legolas would break his mask; he was not ready to face it, just now. He was not ready to deal with the pain he could see on his friend's expression.
And a shadow observed, a strange, sad light in it's ancient eyes.
****
When Legolas could take no more, he moved to wake his friends, waking Aragorn first. He moved to wake the dwarf when the ranger caught his arm.
"Legolas, we must speak of this" his voice was gentle as he looked deeply into the familiar elven features "whatever is troubling you, is killing you, I can see it in your eyes"
Legolas shook his head, his words soft. "'Tis nothing my friend…I am merely saddened, that is all"
Aragorn stopped his second attempt to wake Gimli, and forced him to look into grey eyes.
"It is not nothing" he said firmly "if it were nothing, your eyes would not be begging me to understand as we speak"
Legolas sighed, knowing Aragorn, he would not let go of the subject. He sat down on the ground and pulled the ranger to sit next to him; when he did, the elf took a hold of his forearms and looked him straight in the eyes.
{I am scared}
{I am weak}
{I wish to die}
{I murdered Mithrandir}
{I have killed Boromir}
{The hobbits are gone because of me}
{I am slaughtering you all}
{The quest shall fail because of me}
"I am all right," His voice declared, with a note of sadness and a note of honesty. Fake honesty. And if Aragorn had not grown up amongst elves, he would not know the difference.
But he did.
"You are not" the ranger said firmly, holding the gaze of his friend "You seem…gone sometimes, my friend. Your eyes as vacant as if you slept, yet I know, you have not rested. Whenever we mention Gandalf, you turn your eyes away" Aragorn paused, when he saw Legolas almost did it again, but controlled himself. "And now, if I even dare to say something of Boromir's demise, your expression becomes so tortured, I cannot help but wonder if your heart is fading with grief"
The last words were no more than a whisper, and they resounded like a shout in the elf's mind.
{Grief}
{You're dying}
{Like I deserve}
{But you must not. For you must right all your wrongs}
{'Tis impossible…}
{You have caused everything, and you are thinking of leaving everything behind, for your friends to correct what you did wrong?}
"Do not speak of such things, my friend" Legolas said with a small…forced, smile. "I am not fading, grief has not…"
"Legolas just…please, speak with the truth for once!" Aragorn spoke loudly, and winced when he remembered the sleeping dwarf.
But Gimli still slept, and he turned to the elf again.
"You are not all right, you are more than merely saddened" his voice was quieter now, but the power of his words were not lost on the elf "Legolas, I remember what you told me when we passed the mines of Moria…"
Blue eyes turned away and Aragorn forced his chin up, to face him.
"You. Did. Not. Murder. Gandalf" Aragorn said fiercely. "You did nothing, that the rest of us did not"
{Yes you did, Legolas. You know you have} No words can compete with your own voice.
"Aragorn…" he sighed "I shall leave the quest if this is troubling you so…I knew I should have gone back in Lothlórien, but for a moment, it had seemed different. Not any more, though, my friend. You do not need to try and make me happy with a lie, or forgive me for my actions…"
"Legolas, 'tis nothing but the truth…"
{'Tis not}
"It is not" his voice was as quiet as the wind, but his words were heard by the human "I heard the warning, and allowed Mithrandir to die, instead of me" he sighed "It was my time, and now, death has been after me…it took Boromir, and it will take the rest of you if I fail to go…Aragorn, 'tis my responsibility, I tried to make it right…"
"Legolas, you are over two thousand years old" Aragorn stated sadly "You are wise, my friend, very wise. I know you cannot possibly believe this"
{I do not…}
{But it is the truth}
{Estel says 'tis not…}
{Lies…all lies…}
{He does not lie!}
{He does not? He is perfect then?}
{Honest, not perfect…}
{So desperate are you to escape reality? You are willing to believe the words that speak what you wish to hear?}
{Yes}
"I…I do not know, Estel" He finally whispered "it chases after me every second…every day, and it speaks in my own voice, it speaks…and it says so much, so many things…and they must be truth, for I hear them as clearly as I hear you speak"
Aragorn moved closer to his friend and spoke, seeing that the blasted mask was for once gone, as Legolas was speaking and emotion could be seen, clearly written on his features…for the first time since Aragorn could remember.
"What you hear is guilt, Legolas, guilt that you should not carry, for the shadows wished to take you, and you fought it, and it failed to bring you down. Legolas, you won that battle"
"I did not fought…"
"Yes you did, Legolas" Aragorn whispered harshly "You fought it, you fought the shadows, you fought the orcs and the goblins, and without you, we might have not escaped those darks realms"
"Maybe we should not have escaped…" Legolas whispered to himself, repeating the words being whispered into his thoughts.
"What?" Aragorn hissed, now grabbing the elf by he shoulders "How can you have said that?"
"We escaped, only to loose Boromir, to separate from Frodo and the gentle Sam, and to allow those other two little hobbits to be taken by a band of orcs!" Legolas exclaimed, once more endangering waking Gimli.
But heavy was the sleep of dwarfs, and for that Aragorn had never been more thankful.
"Gandalf, and Boromir, both have passed in glory, for they died fighting the darkness…and Legolas you are allowing it to consume you without a fight."
{You do not deserve glory}
"Of course you deserve glory, Legolas!"
Just then, did the elf realize that he was no longer speaking, for the words that escaped his mouth were the same, that those whispering in his mind.
"You are warrior, and such a wise, gentle spirit…you deserve everything"
{Of course you do not! You are nothing but a murderer, and the one to blame for slaughtering you all, one by one. What of the quest if the next is Estel? What then? What of the hobbits, and of the ring, if you go after Frodo after that?}
"What is this, Legolas?" Aragorn hissed, angry like he was speaking to Sauron himself. "For this is not my friend, not the elf I have known my whole life!"
{No, 'tis not. For with each one you murder, you have killed yourself}
"You are in there Legolas, and 'tis not you speaking"
{Who then?}
"Fight it, Legolas. Fight like you have done every single time you wish for something!"
{I wish for freedom}
{And you shall not have it, for you are not ready}
"Legolas, you are strong!"
{Weak}
"You know you can fight it"
{You shall never escape}
"Come back to me, my friend"
{You are a murderer}
"Fight"
{Sleep}
Blue eyes closed, and before Aragorn's eyes, Legolas shuddered visibly, before he sat still again.
When his gaze met his once more, the light in them was…just as he remembered it, and a smile escaped Legolas' lips, for the first time in long endless days.
"I thank you, Estel," His voice said softly, and Aragorn felt his face broke into a smile of his own.
Legolas stood up from his seat, and nodded towards the horizon. "But now, we must continue"
As before Legolas was first afoot, if indeed he had ever slept. "Awake! Awake!" he cried. "It is a red dawn. Strange things await us by the eaves of the forest. Good or evil, I do not know; but we are called. Awake!"
And of that night's conversation that was all Gimli heard.
{You will see, little Prince. You shall see}
To be continued.
The longest chapter yet, is it not? I hope I have not disappointed anyone!