Disclaimer: *rolls on the floor laughing hysterically* you think they are mine?
Author notes: Oh my, over 70 reviews!! I am so excited…don't stop now :) I love to hear…rather… read from you! Sorry for the delay on this chapter, but I wanted to add a little song, and I had to translate the lyrics into Sindarin!
English is my second language, so I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes made in here. Elvish is the way I believe it to be, most likely mistaken. Any quotes are taken from the book, with lines of my own in the middle of them.
I adapted some lyrics from a group called "Lacrimosa" and a song called "The Turning Point" Just in case, not mine, I just changed it a little to fit in here.
Thank you to everyone who keeps reading this story, and specially those who review it repeatedly! Thank you, as well, to everyone who has given the time to write a line in Spanish, that's really sweet of you :)
¡Se los agradezco de verdad, son muy amables con esta principiante!
Master in Deceiving
By Yours Truly
That night grew ever colder. Aragorn and Gimli slept fitfully, and whenever they awoke they saw Legolas standing beside them, or walking to and fro, singing softly to himself in his own tongue. Submerged too deep in exhaustion, both failed to notice what he sang.
Al lalaith erin nîn thîr - (No laughter on my face -)
Uir galad andaithant am enni (Eternity's reflection marked upon me)
And taen annen am* anim an i caeda (Too long sacrificed myself for the lie)
An i caeda ned nîn cuil (For the lie of my life)
Be na-erui nedh nîn faeg yl* (As only in my nightmares)
Im nîn garn coth (I am my own enemy)
Such a sad melody, as soft as the whisper of the winds, that would have caused whoever heard it to feel the sea of emotion that coursed through the singer.
Depression, desperation, anger, self-loathing, regret…
No one was there to hear it, though.
{You shall see…}
And the whisper still haunted him, confusing him, as the words filled with sorrow escaped his immortal lips.
Im caral peden ned nîn pân (I did not speak of my pain)
Ha caral thia fair (It did not seem right)
Im caral tirad i fuin telina (I did not see the darkness coming)
Im car al cuinar i araid (I do not live the days)
...Ha thiai Im aníra gûr... (... it seems I desire death…)
Those whispered words were the last uttered on that silent night, as dawn slowly came; his companions woke and together they watched the dawn grow slowly in the sky, now bare and cloudless, until at last the sunrise came.
There was no confusing voice, on this day, it seemed. Aragorn and Gimli were silent beside him, watching the sky. Legolas, as usual, was wearing his mask and seemed to be appreciating this fine morning, when in truth desperation was taking a strong hold of his mind.
{What must I do now?}
{I should…I…Estel should know what to do…}
Following with his keen eyes the trail to the river, and then the river back towards the forest, Aragorn saw a shadow on the distant green, a dark swift-moving blur. He cast himself upon the ground and listened again intently.
{Estel is feeling something…I should look}
And his elven sight focused on the small figures of many horsemen approaching. The spears they carried seemed to glow in the morning light, and the elf wished he were closer to them
{They could kill me before I said 'good morning'}
Far behind them a dark smoke rose in thin curling threads.
{Beautiful fire that could burn my skin, my body, free me from Middle earth…}
"Riders!" cried Aragorn, springing to his feet. "Many riders on swift steeds are coming towards us!"
{What am I thinking?}
"Yes," Legolas said softly, shaking himself off dark thoughts. Focusing on the vision before him "there are one hundred and five. Yellow is their hair, and bright are their spears. Their leader is very tall."
Aragorn looked at his friend and smiled. "Keen are the eyes of the Elves," he said with a hint of amusement, and Legolas wanted nothing more than to grin at him and enjoy a short moment of teasing, like the old days.
But his face would not smile anymore.
{I…I need answers…what is happening? Who are they? What should I do?}
{You shall see, little prince}
{Nay! Wait! Answer me!}
{You wish for freedom}
"Nay! The riders are little more than five leagues distant," said Legolas dismissively, even as he screamed in agony inside.
{I wish to smile…}
{You wish for freedom}
{Answer me please! Why I cannot smile, anymore? Why can I not tease? Be…being me?}
{You shall see…}
{I need answers! The hobbits are…the hobbits!}
Focusing ahead, he sighed. "There are three empty saddles, but I see no hobbits" he announced sadly, interrupting Gimli and Aragorn.
{Aragorn said we are to wait for the raiders…should I wait? Should I say something?}
"E…" {Estel}
The name died on his lips and he closed his mouth, sighing.
{I know not what to do…Aragorn is right, he knows better}
His mind was silent, and he began to despair.
{Too silent…}
{Too much choices…}
{Too much decisions of too much importance}
{Too many dangers}
{So many thoughts, I cannot even grasp them all…images of the millenniums I've seen, dance too fast before my very eyes…where is the control I had over my own mind?!}
Present and past images mixed and his eyes went unfocused and focused from one blink to the next, struggling to grasp the conversation between Aragorn and Gimli, Legolas heard but words.
"…Riders of Rohan"
"Not…orcs…"
"Gandalf"
{Nay…}
"Pay tribute…"
"Mordor"
"Boromir"
{Nay…Boromir went sailing, did he not? He went on board of this elven boat? …Aye, I remember, I have not found the little ones, they have sure hidden far now…we have been looking for days…they are indeed good at hiding…nay…wait…Estel? That is not right, is it? The hobbits are not hiding, are they?}
Focusing on the approaching figures, Legolas spoke to himself.
"You will soon learn the truth"
And was surprised when Aragorn and Gimli seemed to quite at his words.
{Have I spoken?}
The riders were closer, much closer, and the shouts they gave and the sound of their horses could not be missed by the deafer of men. The images they presented filled Legolas with grief, for their stance reminded him too much of a Mirkwood raiding party, the ones he sometimes joined to patrol the border area, but this group was much larger, and he could not discern his friends between them, their features were human. The horses much different, and they were much louder.
And this place was not Mirkwood.
{For some reason, I do not feel sad for the fact that I do not have to return to Mirkwood…yet}
He was shocked to feel dread at the thought of his home.
{I must return to Mirkwood when this is over…'tis my home…}
He almost broke his mask
{Why am I afraid?} His inner voice sounded as broken as he felt.
They were almost upon them now. Tall, proud horses rode by proud and keen looking men. In the rider's hands there were tall spears of ash, painted shields were slung at their backs, long swords were at their belts, their burnished skirts of mail hung down upon their knees.
They appeared not to perceive the three strangers sitting silently and watching them.
{They won't notice us. That is good, is it not? Estel? Is it not good that these strange folk do not notice us? These people that look so much like elves…is it not good?}
The host had almost passed when suddenly Aragorn stood up, and called in a loud voice:
"What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?"
{Estel! Nay! Why did you did that?}
A thicket of spears were pointed towards the strangers, as they were surrounded in a moving circle of horsemen; and some of them had bows in hand, and their arrows were already fitted to the string. Then one rode forward, a tall man, taller than all the rest; from his helm as a crest a white horsetail flowed.
He moved to threaten Aragorn, but the ranger did not flinch.
{Estel, tell the men to leave}
{Please?}
{Estel? Let us continue…these men remind me of home…I wish not to return home…}
{…Aragorn…don't speak with them…Aragorn…please, let them leave?}
Words were being spoken, yet Legolas heard them not.
{Why can I not focus? They speak and I cannot listen! They move and I do not see clearly…where is my self-control…by Elbereth I need help…so much help…}
He snapped back into focus when he noticed that the proud man seemed to be threatening Gimli, and he moved quickly.
"He stands not alone," said Legolas, bending his bow and fitting an arrow with hands that moved quicker than sight. "You would die before your stroke fell."
Aragorn interceded and Legolas saw it wise to step back. With a lat glance at Gimli, who was sending him a grateful look, Legolas focused on his inner struggle while conversation happened around him.
{Gandalf…Boromir…why do their faces haunt me still…dead…I am immortal, are they not? …Not…aye not they are not…of course not…mortals…Boromir went to sail and Gandalf…Gandalf…so dark…Frodo! Sam! You can come out now! Merry, Pippin! I tire of playing…hello?}
{Where…what…I WISH FOR ANSWERS!}
{You wished for freedom} Silky whispers of a cold voice…his voice, returning into the abyss.
{Nay…nay not any longer…no freedom…can I be normal again? Think straight? Please?}
{No more freedom? Fighting for control? …What of that, little prince?}
{Nay, no more fighting…not ready…}
{That's right}
{Not ready…have to stay inside…}
{Yes, you do. Very good princeling, very good indeed…}
{So dark inside…}
{No more fighting}
{No more fighting…inside…not ready…Estel?}
{Look at him princeling; does he not seem better than you?}
Legolas looked, and he stared, for he had not seen him in this mood before. He seemed to have grown in stature while Éomer had shrunk; and in his living face he caught a brief vision of the power and majesty of the kings of stone. For a moment it seemed to the eyes of Legolas that a white flame flickered on the brows of Aragorn like a shining crown.
Despair…desperation…
{Much more than me…he is my friend…}
{He cannot be worried for one elf when the fate of hundreds of men lies in his hands. Can he, little prince?}
{Nay…Estel?}
{Nay, no more, princeling, no more hope}
And Aragorn with Éomer talked on, only few words entering Legolas' confused mind.
"…Slain and burned among the Orcs…"
{Periannath?} (Hobbits?)
"It is hard to be sure of anything among so many marvels…"
{I am sure I wish for death}
{You are?}
"…Against our law…"
{Yes}
"Nor indeed am I a stranger…"
{I am a stranger inside myself}
{Are you certain, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood?}
"Do not fail."
"I will not"
{I will indeed fail…and for that, aye, I am certain}
{Very well}
Focusing finally on what went on around him, Legolas paid attention, and missed the attention being paid to him.
"Come, you shall sit behind me, friend Gimli," said Legolas…or was it Legolas…Aragorn was afraid of the answer as he observed his friend. "Then all will be well, and you need neither borrow a horse nor be troubled by one."
And the weight of the quest…was nothing next to the huge weight suddenly placed upon an elven heart.
A smaller and lighter horse, but restive and fiery, was brought to Legolas. Arod was his name. But Legolas asked them to take off saddle and rein. "I need them not," he said, and leaped lightly up, and to their wonder Arod was tame and willing beneath him, moving here and there with but a spoken word: such was the elvish way with all good beasts. Gimli was lifted up behind his friend. And he clung to him, not much more at ease than Sam Gamgee in a boat.
Aragorn observed as Legolas petted the animal, fighting to ignore the new weight inside him.
{So this, is how grief feels like…}
To be continued.
Author notes: Oh my, over 70 reviews!! I am so excited…don't stop now :) I love to hear…rather… read from you! Sorry for the delay on this chapter, but I wanted to add a little song, and I had to translate the lyrics into Sindarin!
English is my second language, so I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes made in here. Elvish is the way I believe it to be, most likely mistaken. Any quotes are taken from the book, with lines of my own in the middle of them.
I adapted some lyrics from a group called "Lacrimosa" and a song called "The Turning Point" Just in case, not mine, I just changed it a little to fit in here.
Thank you to everyone who keeps reading this story, and specially those who review it repeatedly! Thank you, as well, to everyone who has given the time to write a line in Spanish, that's really sweet of you :)
¡Se los agradezco de verdad, son muy amables con esta principiante!
Master in Deceiving
By Yours Truly
That night grew ever colder. Aragorn and Gimli slept fitfully, and whenever they awoke they saw Legolas standing beside them, or walking to and fro, singing softly to himself in his own tongue. Submerged too deep in exhaustion, both failed to notice what he sang.
Al lalaith erin nîn thîr - (No laughter on my face -)
Uir galad andaithant am enni (Eternity's reflection marked upon me)
And taen annen am* anim an i caeda (Too long sacrificed myself for the lie)
An i caeda ned nîn cuil (For the lie of my life)
Be na-erui nedh nîn faeg yl* (As only in my nightmares)
Im nîn garn coth (I am my own enemy)
Such a sad melody, as soft as the whisper of the winds, that would have caused whoever heard it to feel the sea of emotion that coursed through the singer.
Depression, desperation, anger, self-loathing, regret…
No one was there to hear it, though.
{You shall see…}
And the whisper still haunted him, confusing him, as the words filled with sorrow escaped his immortal lips.
Im caral peden ned nîn pân (I did not speak of my pain)
Ha caral thia fair (It did not seem right)
Im caral tirad i fuin telina (I did not see the darkness coming)
Im car al cuinar i araid (I do not live the days)
...Ha thiai Im aníra gûr... (... it seems I desire death…)
Those whispered words were the last uttered on that silent night, as dawn slowly came; his companions woke and together they watched the dawn grow slowly in the sky, now bare and cloudless, until at last the sunrise came.
There was no confusing voice, on this day, it seemed. Aragorn and Gimli were silent beside him, watching the sky. Legolas, as usual, was wearing his mask and seemed to be appreciating this fine morning, when in truth desperation was taking a strong hold of his mind.
{What must I do now?}
{I should…I…Estel should know what to do…}
Following with his keen eyes the trail to the river, and then the river back towards the forest, Aragorn saw a shadow on the distant green, a dark swift-moving blur. He cast himself upon the ground and listened again intently.
{Estel is feeling something…I should look}
And his elven sight focused on the small figures of many horsemen approaching. The spears they carried seemed to glow in the morning light, and the elf wished he were closer to them
{They could kill me before I said 'good morning'}
Far behind them a dark smoke rose in thin curling threads.
{Beautiful fire that could burn my skin, my body, free me from Middle earth…}
"Riders!" cried Aragorn, springing to his feet. "Many riders on swift steeds are coming towards us!"
{What am I thinking?}
"Yes," Legolas said softly, shaking himself off dark thoughts. Focusing on the vision before him "there are one hundred and five. Yellow is their hair, and bright are their spears. Their leader is very tall."
Aragorn looked at his friend and smiled. "Keen are the eyes of the Elves," he said with a hint of amusement, and Legolas wanted nothing more than to grin at him and enjoy a short moment of teasing, like the old days.
But his face would not smile anymore.
{I…I need answers…what is happening? Who are they? What should I do?}
{You shall see, little prince}
{Nay! Wait! Answer me!}
{You wish for freedom}
"Nay! The riders are little more than five leagues distant," said Legolas dismissively, even as he screamed in agony inside.
{I wish to smile…}
{You wish for freedom}
{Answer me please! Why I cannot smile, anymore? Why can I not tease? Be…being me?}
{You shall see…}
{I need answers! The hobbits are…the hobbits!}
Focusing ahead, he sighed. "There are three empty saddles, but I see no hobbits" he announced sadly, interrupting Gimli and Aragorn.
{Aragorn said we are to wait for the raiders…should I wait? Should I say something?}
"E…" {Estel}
The name died on his lips and he closed his mouth, sighing.
{I know not what to do…Aragorn is right, he knows better}
His mind was silent, and he began to despair.
{Too silent…}
{Too much choices…}
{Too much decisions of too much importance}
{Too many dangers}
{So many thoughts, I cannot even grasp them all…images of the millenniums I've seen, dance too fast before my very eyes…where is the control I had over my own mind?!}
Present and past images mixed and his eyes went unfocused and focused from one blink to the next, struggling to grasp the conversation between Aragorn and Gimli, Legolas heard but words.
"…Riders of Rohan"
"Not…orcs…"
"Gandalf"
{Nay…}
"Pay tribute…"
"Mordor"
"Boromir"
{Nay…Boromir went sailing, did he not? He went on board of this elven boat? …Aye, I remember, I have not found the little ones, they have sure hidden far now…we have been looking for days…they are indeed good at hiding…nay…wait…Estel? That is not right, is it? The hobbits are not hiding, are they?}
Focusing on the approaching figures, Legolas spoke to himself.
"You will soon learn the truth"
And was surprised when Aragorn and Gimli seemed to quite at his words.
{Have I spoken?}
The riders were closer, much closer, and the shouts they gave and the sound of their horses could not be missed by the deafer of men. The images they presented filled Legolas with grief, for their stance reminded him too much of a Mirkwood raiding party, the ones he sometimes joined to patrol the border area, but this group was much larger, and he could not discern his friends between them, their features were human. The horses much different, and they were much louder.
And this place was not Mirkwood.
{For some reason, I do not feel sad for the fact that I do not have to return to Mirkwood…yet}
He was shocked to feel dread at the thought of his home.
{I must return to Mirkwood when this is over…'tis my home…}
He almost broke his mask
{Why am I afraid?} His inner voice sounded as broken as he felt.
They were almost upon them now. Tall, proud horses rode by proud and keen looking men. In the rider's hands there were tall spears of ash, painted shields were slung at their backs, long swords were at their belts, their burnished skirts of mail hung down upon their knees.
They appeared not to perceive the three strangers sitting silently and watching them.
{They won't notice us. That is good, is it not? Estel? Is it not good that these strange folk do not notice us? These people that look so much like elves…is it not good?}
The host had almost passed when suddenly Aragorn stood up, and called in a loud voice:
"What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?"
{Estel! Nay! Why did you did that?}
A thicket of spears were pointed towards the strangers, as they were surrounded in a moving circle of horsemen; and some of them had bows in hand, and their arrows were already fitted to the string. Then one rode forward, a tall man, taller than all the rest; from his helm as a crest a white horsetail flowed.
He moved to threaten Aragorn, but the ranger did not flinch.
{Estel, tell the men to leave}
{Please?}
{Estel? Let us continue…these men remind me of home…I wish not to return home…}
{…Aragorn…don't speak with them…Aragorn…please, let them leave?}
Words were being spoken, yet Legolas heard them not.
{Why can I not focus? They speak and I cannot listen! They move and I do not see clearly…where is my self-control…by Elbereth I need help…so much help…}
He snapped back into focus when he noticed that the proud man seemed to be threatening Gimli, and he moved quickly.
"He stands not alone," said Legolas, bending his bow and fitting an arrow with hands that moved quicker than sight. "You would die before your stroke fell."
Aragorn interceded and Legolas saw it wise to step back. With a lat glance at Gimli, who was sending him a grateful look, Legolas focused on his inner struggle while conversation happened around him.
{Gandalf…Boromir…why do their faces haunt me still…dead…I am immortal, are they not? …Not…aye not they are not…of course not…mortals…Boromir went to sail and Gandalf…Gandalf…so dark…Frodo! Sam! You can come out now! Merry, Pippin! I tire of playing…hello?}
{Where…what…I WISH FOR ANSWERS!}
{You wished for freedom} Silky whispers of a cold voice…his voice, returning into the abyss.
{Nay…nay not any longer…no freedom…can I be normal again? Think straight? Please?}
{No more freedom? Fighting for control? …What of that, little prince?}
{Nay, no more fighting…not ready…}
{That's right}
{Not ready…have to stay inside…}
{Yes, you do. Very good princeling, very good indeed…}
{So dark inside…}
{No more fighting}
{No more fighting…inside…not ready…Estel?}
{Look at him princeling; does he not seem better than you?}
Legolas looked, and he stared, for he had not seen him in this mood before. He seemed to have grown in stature while Éomer had shrunk; and in his living face he caught a brief vision of the power and majesty of the kings of stone. For a moment it seemed to the eyes of Legolas that a white flame flickered on the brows of Aragorn like a shining crown.
Despair…desperation…
{Much more than me…he is my friend…}
{He cannot be worried for one elf when the fate of hundreds of men lies in his hands. Can he, little prince?}
{Nay…Estel?}
{Nay, no more, princeling, no more hope}
And Aragorn with Éomer talked on, only few words entering Legolas' confused mind.
"…Slain and burned among the Orcs…"
{Periannath?} (Hobbits?)
"It is hard to be sure of anything among so many marvels…"
{I am sure I wish for death}
{You are?}
"…Against our law…"
{Yes}
"Nor indeed am I a stranger…"
{I am a stranger inside myself}
{Are you certain, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood?}
"Do not fail."
"I will not"
{I will indeed fail…and for that, aye, I am certain}
{Very well}
Focusing finally on what went on around him, Legolas paid attention, and missed the attention being paid to him.
"Come, you shall sit behind me, friend Gimli," said Legolas…or was it Legolas…Aragorn was afraid of the answer as he observed his friend. "Then all will be well, and you need neither borrow a horse nor be troubled by one."
And the weight of the quest…was nothing next to the huge weight suddenly placed upon an elven heart.
A smaller and lighter horse, but restive and fiery, was brought to Legolas. Arod was his name. But Legolas asked them to take off saddle and rein. "I need them not," he said, and leaped lightly up, and to their wonder Arod was tame and willing beneath him, moving here and there with but a spoken word: such was the elvish way with all good beasts. Gimli was lifted up behind his friend. And he clung to him, not much more at ease than Sam Gamgee in a boat.
Aragorn observed as Legolas petted the animal, fighting to ignore the new weight inside him.
{So this, is how grief feels like…}
To be continued.