Chapter 47
Sirius and Harry walked side by side at the end of the group, far enough back that they couldn't be overheard by either the adults or the other students.
"Sirius, it's not safe for us to stay at the castle anymore, Voldemort wants the staff back and as long as we stay here, we're putting everyone at risk" said Harry in an emotionless voice as he continued to look straight ahead.
"I know, but we need to find his daughter, Harry, without her help, he wins" said Sirius in desperation
"Sirius, I'm beginning to think that she doesn't exist, I mean, we've been here nearly a month now and we still are no closer to finding her than when we started" said Harry "I just want to go back home and spend as much time with Ginny as I can before it's too late" he said quietly without looking at his godfather
"Harry, we have to find her in order for you to ever lead a normal life, and so that the wizarding world will be free of him once and for all" said Sirius forcefully and Harry stopped abruptly and turned to face him with an angry expression on his face.
"Sirius, I'm tired of worrying about the rest of the world. I have been doing nothing but that since I was eleven years old and for once, I would like to worry only about myself and be with Ginny. Because of Voldemort, we've been apart longer than we've been together it seems like, and I just want this all to be over with. I'm sick and tired of Voldemort ruining my life, and I'm tired of everyone I care about being put at risk just for knowing me. So far, my parents have died to protect me, and Cedric died just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he wasn't needed, and even now, he's using my teenage parents and their friends to get to me, and as soon as he was through with me today, he would have killed them all just because they weren't needed by him anymore. I'm tired of this, I just want to be normal and not have that megalomaniacs voice in my head trying to take control of me. I want to go home and live a normal life already" he said, almost becoming hysteric and clenching his fists in frustration.
"Harry, I know you have been through a lot, but you need to calm down" said Sirius gently and he was shocked to see raw anger flash through Harry's eyes before he spoke again in a level and harsh voice that Sirius had only heard him direct toward Voldemort, and he being on the receiving end chilled him to the bones.
"You think I've been through a lot, Sirius? Yeah, I have been through more than most people have and I'm tired of it. I was raised by people who called my a freak for my entire life just because I was a wizard, and I have had a murdering, psychotic wizard after my blood since the day I was born, I hear my parents last words anytime a dementor gets too close to me, dying just to protect me, I had to watch as a friend and classmate was murdered, I have had the cruciatus curse cast on me more than anyone else has been able to survive from, I was kept prisoner by a group of crazed dark wizards for three months and tortured in ways that would make you sick to find out about, and now I have his mark burnt into my arm, and if the wizarding world found out about that, they would turn on me faster than you could imagine, like they did when they figured out I was a parselmouth. And to top it all off, now I'm forced to constantly battle with Voldemort just so that I can keep control of myself so that I don't end up killing everyone, and if that's not enough, when I finally find someone who truly cares about me and not just my scar, I get taken away from her and can't even write letters to her, so yeah Sirius, I'd say that I have been through a lot.
I only ask that you leave me alone to live out whatever I have left of my life in peace, and whenever Voldemort does finally take control of me, I hope you will be strong enough to do what is right and kill me before he has the opportunity to do the same to you" said Harry and before Sirius could even think of a fitting response or comprehend just what Harry had said, the black haired boy had spun around and with a pop, transformed into a raven and spread his wings and took off into the forbidden forest, disappearing into the tree tops above him.
"What in Merlin's name just happened here?" he asked himself as he gazed at the spot Harry had just occupied
"I would say that your godson has finally released some of the anger he has been holding in for far too long, and it is a good thing that he did so" said a gentle voice from behind Sirius, and the man looked over his shoulder to see Dumbledore standing there with a grim smile on his aged face "Mr. Black, I presume?" he asked
"Yes, sir" replied Sirius sheepishly
"And do you mind if I ask about the true identity of your young companion?" he asked as he indicated in the direction that Harry had fled.
"He is my godson, but his parents were Lily Evans and James Potter" said Sirius with a sad smile "If you don't mind, sir, could you tell me just how much you heard of all of that?" asked Sirius
"Well, I missed the first part of your conversation, but I couldn't help but hear Harry's speech about his life thus far" answered the old man "I think I need you to answer a few questions for me" he added
"I would imagine so. Where do you want me to begin?" he asked as he shoved his hands into his robe pockets
"Well, the beginning is always a good place to start" said Dumbledore
"Very well, but I'm going to tell you now, Harry will put a memory charm on you before we leave, some of the things that have happened in our past and your future can not be altered at any cost" said Sirius
"I understand and would expect no less"
"Well, like we told you originally, Harry's parents were killed when he was a baby by you-know-who, but when he turned his wand on Harry, the killing curse bounced off of him and hit you-know-who instead and separated his spirit from his body, making him completely weak and unable to perform any magic or even survive on his own for ten years, until Harry's first year at Hogwarts" he began and continued to recount Harry's first five years at the school, leaving nothing out, including his own part in Harry's third year and the betrayal of Peter Pettigrew "At the end of last year, on March fourth, you-know-who attacked the castle. Harry was out on the grounds with Ginny and saw and felt them coming, through his scar, and he told Ginny to hide in the forest. She tried to get him to hide with her, and two of his friends even brought him a portkey that would bring him to Remus and myself who were in the village, but he wouldn't leave.
He knew he had to face you-know-who, and I don't think he thought he would survive the encounter, but he did somehow. At one point, four death eaters and their master all had the cruciatus curse on Harry, but he survived that and went on to dual with Voldemort, but he was knocked out by a banishing charm. The death eaters found Ginny and were about to kill her and another boy, but Harry stopped them, and was hit by the killing curse, but at the same time, he somehow managed to transport all the dementors and death eaters as well as himself and you-know-who away from the grounds.
We searched everywhere for him for three months, but we never found him and the ministry had declared him as a casualty of war, but there were a few of us who wouldn't give up, yourself included. About two weeks after the memorial service, you found an article in a muggle newspaper about a boy matching Harry's description turning up in a muggle hospital, and sure enough, it was him, but he was barely recognizable because the sheer number and severity of injuries. We brought him back to the castle to be healed, but he wouldn't let anyone with a wand near him and his body rejected all spells and potions when he was asleep, so he was forced to heal the muggle way. He didn't say a word for nearly four months, and he acted as though we weren't even there, but slowly he came around and got back to normal, with Ginny's help. But around Christmas, he told us that Voldemort's spirit was inside of him, trying to gain control of him and his powers, and the only way to destroy him once and for all is find a relative of Harry and a relative of Voldemort to make a potion and cast a spell, or for Harry to die a natural death with no human intervention.
You and I are both related distantly to Harry, but Voldemort has no living relatives in our time. However, he does have a daughter that is the same age as we were, but he killed her after she graduated. We don't know who this girl is, and even she has no idea about her true heritage, but we have to find her and bring her back with us to help destroy him, or the wizarding world is doomed. You have never seen the extent of Harry's powers, but I will tell you this, they are extreme.
He has the ability to transform into any animagus he desires, including magical creatures, and he is able to do a vast amount of wandless magic without ever losing strength, he even dueled with the head auror of our time, and defeated him, using only wandless magic, and that was before he powers came into full strength, and I don't have to tell you what would happen if you-know-who got control of such power. But now, Harry is willing to give up on the search, he just wants to go home, and I don't blame him in the least, but if we don't find this girl, then there is no way he will last more that a year at the most, I'm certain of it. Do you have any ideas about how to find her?" he asked hopefully
"Well, I may know of a spell that can help, but I need to look into it a little more before we attempt to cast it. Why don't we go on into the castle and eat some dinner. I'm sure Harry will come back when he has had a chance to calm down and gather his thoughts. What he has been through is more that anyone should have to see, and he is still only a child. He has been forced to grow up far too fast, by the sounds of things. I'm sure he will come to his senses in a little while, we just have to be patient" said the old man gently
"I know, you're right, he'll come around, he always does, and until he does, I will just stay out of his way and I would advise you to do the same. We have both been on the receiving end of his anger before, and I have no desire to repeat that experience" said Sirius ruefully as the pair walked into the castle and into the great hall, the entire time being watched by a raven who was perched in a tree beside the lake, who had heard every word they had said.
'I really shouldn't have acted that way' Harry thought grimly to himself as he watched the two men walk away
'Perhaps not, but he deserved to hear the truth. You don't deserve pity from him or anyone else. All you have ever caused is death and pain, you deserve everything you have been through, and you don't deserve anything good to happen to you' said Voldemort in his head, and for once, Harry didn't argue
'I am well aware of that you know' he thought darkly 'I don't deserve any happiness because of everything I have caused. If it weren't for me, my mother would never have died, Cedric would still be alive, everyone I have gotten close to here and at home would be safe, James would never have been put under the cruciatus curse today, Remus and Sirius would be able to go on and live their lives without having to worry about me, but most of all, Ginny would be able to fall in love with someone who didn't put her life in constant danger. For once, you're right' he thought darkly.
Voldemort chuckled 'I have told you before, Harry, you and I are more alike than you could ever know, but at least you are beginning to see the truth, perhaps now you will not be so resistant to fulfill your destiny'
Harry didn't bother to respond, instead, he spread his wings and took off into the air to think, and he only returned to the castle at breakfast the next morning.
When Harry entered the great hall, it was already filled with students, the majority of whom cowered away from his menacing form. His face was set in a determined, but angry line and his stride was long and every other step his staff struck the ground with a loud click. He walked all the way to the head table, ignoring the curious looks sent to him by the marauders and Lily, and took his seat next to Sirius who looked relieved and anxious.
"Where in the hell have you been?" he demanded in a harsh whisper once Harry had taken his seat
"I don't think that that concerns you, Sirius, I think I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself" he answered in a cold and heartless tone without meeting the ex-convicts eyes.
"You may be the most powerful wizard alive, Harry, but I am still your guardian, and it is my job to look out for you" answered the older man
"It's a nice thought, Sirius, but I spent the first thirteen years of my life not even knowing you existed, and the next three with you in hiding. Now that I'm seventeen years old, you're there to look out for me, but I don't need you anymore" said the younger boy harshly still without meeting the shocked gaze of his godfather
"Wh.what are you saying, Harry?" he finally managed to stutter out
"You heard me, Sirius, last night, I did a lot of thinking and I've come to a decision; as soon as we get back, I'm going to leave all of this behind and lead a normal life for as long as I can, and none of you had better try to find me, because you won't be able to" he said, finally looking toward Sirius, and the ex-convict saw determination and resolve burning in the green eyes.
"Harry, you can't leave, this is your home, and we are your family, why on earth would you even think about leaving everything and everyone who has ever cared for you behind?" he finally asked in confusion
"Because, the wizarding world has never caused me anything but pain and suffering, and I'm tired of it" he said bluntly
"Harry, do you realize what would happen if you left, how devastated everyone would be? Not to mention what the rest of the wizarding world would think" he asked
"Personally, Sirius, I don't give a damn about anyone else anymore. For once, I want to think about myself and my feelings" he answered in the same steely tone he had been using during the entire conversation
"Harry, you can't be serious, what would make you think like this? Why would you suddenly decide to leave your life behind?" asked Sirius with his brow furrowed
"I've already told you the answer to that question, Sirius, just accept it. I need to go to class" he said as he stood
"Harry, what about your friends, what about Ginny?" he asked as a last resort, and upon hearing his girlfriends name spoken, a pained expression crossed Harry's face before it was fixed in stone again.
"I don't deserve any of them, least of all Ginny" he said quietly as he left the table and Sirius behind.
The last little bit of the term passed quickly, and not once did that particular topic of conversation come up again. The headmaster called Harry to his office early in the week and told him of a spell that could be cast that would identify the girl they were looking for, and Harry immediately set to work casting it in a less populated, but still frequently used corridor of the school. It was a spell that would in essence, read the magical signatures of those who passed through, and once it matched the signature to the one they were looking for, the spell would take the person into the future so that the spell and potion could be made and cast to destroy Voldemort for good. All he had to do, was to use his staff to focus on the magical signature of the spirit inside of him, and key the spell to recognize it, and anyone who matched it would be brought directly to the future Hogwarts. Harry was secretly impressed by the spell, and wished that they had told the headmaster the truth as soon as they had arrived, it would have saved them a lot of time and energy.
Harry never again spoke to the marauders or Lily, and spent all of his time either working on the spell, or sitting in his room, preferring not to see those who would later be killed by protecting him, and he kept almost silent around his godfather as well, as his thoughts and emotions raged inside of him, Voldemort's thoughts and feelings more pronounced than ever before during his depressed state.
On the one hand, he knew that what Voldemort was saying was not true, and that he was not responsible for the deaths of anyone, and that he didn't deserve everything that had happened to him throughout the years. But, that side was steadily loosing to the other side, the side that believed that he was the sole cause of all the deaths and all of the suffering, and that he deserved everything he had received. This was the side that wanted to leave the wizarding world behind forever, not only to be rid of all the misery, but also to protect those he cared about. This was the side that Voldemort was influencing, and this was the side that was wining more and more as the days went on.
When the last day of term arrived, Harry and Sirius went to the headmasters' office to meet the remaining three marauders and Lily to obliterate their memories of them. They walked to the office in silence, and when they reached it, Harry walked briskly in and faced the four teens with a closed expression.
"Harry" began James, but before he could say anything more, Harry had directed his staff to the four and there was a quick flash of pale blue light, and when it was gone, all four had blank, but blissful expressions on their faces.
"James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, you may all go down to the coaches, have a pleasant summer" said the headmaster, and without another word, the four left the office "Harry, how strong was that memory charm?" he asked once they were gone
"They will only remember that we were here, but they won't remember anything of what happened, or anything specific about either one of us unless they see us again or hear about the events that have happened here involving the two of us, which won't happen since we will be returning home in just two months" he said crisply before he too left the office, leaving Sirius and Dumbledore behind.
"What happened to him?" asked the older man once Harry was gone "Before the incident in the village he was kind and happy, but since then he is so closed off, I was sure he would have returned to normal by now"
"I know, but I have no idea what's going on, he told me a couple weeks ago that once everything is finally over, he's going to leave the wizarding world and all of his friends behind. That is just so unlike him, he has no living family other that his aunt and uncle who hate him, the only people who have ever cared about him are at Hogwarts, I just don't see why he would want to leave all of that behind" said Sirius wearily as he collapsed into a chair "He won't even talk to me anymore, and when I asked him about how his friends would feel if he left, he said that he didn't deserve them, I just don't know what to do anymore. He's been through so much already, and I'm afraid we will never be able to cast the spell to kill you-know-who for good, and that I've already lost Harry because of it" he admitted in a low voice
"Sirius, I may not know Harry too well, but what I have seen so far leads me to believe that he is still full of surprises. He may talk like this now, but I have a feeling that when you two return to your own time that things will return to normal again, you just need to be patient and trust Harry to make the right decisions" he said gently as he laid a reassuring hand on the younger mans shoulder "You just have to be there for him when he is ready to talk about it"
"Thank you, sir, I had better get back to the room to see if he is willing to speak to me" said Sirius with a forced smile as he left the office
Harry was regretting not having a few last words with his parents since he knew that it wasn't likely that he would ever get the chance again, but he also knew that he would have broken down completely if he had been forced to say goodbye to them, so he did the only thing he could think of, he cast the spell before the threat of losing control was made a reality. His parents were dead, and he must remember that, they were never coming back and no matter what anyone said, if it weren't for him, his mother at least would still be alive. After he left the headmasters office, he went to the corridor where he had been working and began to refine the spell to make it more specific so that there was no risk of it bringing the wrong person to the future. He worked for three hours straight before he went to the kitchens to get a quick lunch, which the house elves were more than happy to provide. When he was done eating, he went outside and transformed into horse and went galloping through the forest as fast as his hooves would carry him, returning to the castle long after the sun had set and walking to his room in exhaustion, not saying a word to Sirius when he entered.
The next two weeks passed in the same fashion, with Harry avoiding Sirius at all costs by heading into the forest as soon as he finished working on the spell and remaining there late into the night, and before they knew it, it was June 30.
"Harry, would you like to go to the great hall for dinner with me?" asked Sirius as the black haired boy entered the living room from the hallway beyond close to midnight.
"No" was the response he received as Harry walked into his bedroom and closed the door roughly
"What am I going to do with him?" muttered Sirius to himself as he left the room with a shake of his head.
Harry walked over and sat down on his bed with a heavy sigh, and Terres and Sherlock promptly came to meet him.
'What is wrong, Harry?' hissed Sherlock 'You have not been acting like yourself for several weeks now, you barely even talk to us anymore and you never answer our questions'
'Yes, my child, something is bothering you and you are hurting your godfather by not talking to him about it' said Terres gently
'I know, but it's for his own good' said Harry and both creatures gave him curious looks, so he elaborated 'A few weeks before the death eaters set the trap for me, I saw something in divination that I don't want to see actually happen' he said
'What did you see?' asked Terres as she settled down on his shoulder
'I saw myself torturing Ginny' he said simply 'I know if I try to stay close to her and everyone else that Voldemort will kill them the instant he gets control of me again, and I can't bear to see that happen. It's better for everyone if I just keep away from them, everyone I am close to is in danger of being killed and it's all my fault' he said wearily.
'That may be how you feel now, Harry, but you know that that is not the truth' said Sherlock
'Yes it is, because of me, three people have died, four were captured and would have been killed, and Draco and Ginny were almost killed during the battle, and the dementors nearly got a hold of Ron and Hermione. I couldn't bear it if anyone else were put into danger just because I was close to them' he said angrily as he hit his fist onto the hard wood of his nightstand.
'Harry, listen to yourself, all of your friends, Ginny, Sirius, and everyone else know what a risk it is to be close to you and they have been willing to take on that risk. Let them make their own decisions as to whether or not to stand by you, don't try to alienate yourself from them because you think it is for the best. You can't do this on your own, you need the support of your friends and family' said Terres in a firm voice
'Don't you see though, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold Voldemort off, and the instant he takes control, he will not hesitate to kill whoever I am around, and I don't want that to be anyone I care for, especially not Ginny' said Harry, nearly becoming hysterical
'Calm down my child' said Terres in a soothing tone 'Why don't you talk to Sirius and tell him how you feel, he might be able to help' she suggested
'Fine, but only because I'm tired of arguing with a snake and a phoenix' he said angrily as he stormed from the room, startling Sirius who had returned from dinner and was drinking a cup of tea "We need to talk" he said bluntly as he sat on the couch, and Sirius hesitantly took a seat next to him.
"What's wrong?" asked the older man after several silent moments had passed
"I need you to make me a promise" began Harry "This is very important, and I expect you to keep your word, no matter what happens"
"What are you talking about?" asked Sirius, genuinely confused
"Ok, how about this, I'll tell you why I haven't been acting like myself if, at the end, you promise me something" said Harry
"Fine, deal" said Sirius as he settled back into the couch and regained some of his nerve "Why in Merlin's name have you been acting like an insolent, spoiled child for so long?"
Harry sighed heavily before he began his tale, starting first with what he had seen in divination before he told Sirius just what he had just told Terres and Sherlock "Do you understand?" he asked as he finished his tale
"No, why would you think that if you distanced yourself from us that we would give up on you? We care about you, Harry, all of us and no matter what danger that puts us in, we will never turn our backs on you" said Sirius
"But, Sirius, what if I end up hurting you, or worse?" asked Harry
"Harry, I know that you would never hurt me, and everyone else knows that too. If something did happen, it wouldn't be you who was hurting us, it would be Voldemort" he said with conviction
"Maybe, but Sirius, I see everything he does, and he would be using my powers and my body to do it, so in essence, it would be me who was hurting you" said Harry quietly as he looked at the ground
"Harry, why are we even talking about this? You finished the spell a week ago and it's only a matter of days once term starts again before his daughter is brought to us and we can put this entire ordeal behind us and you would be able to concentrate on living your life, lets not worry about this now" said Sirius with a reassuring smile
"You don't get it, Sirius, I have to worry about this because in all actuality, it could happen and I need to make sure that all of you will be safe" said Harry as he once again met his godfathers eyes
"How will you be able to do that, Harry? If he does manage to take control there is nothing you or the rest of us can do to stop him" said Sirius
"Yes there is" said Harry quietly "I need you to promise me something" he said for the third time that night
"What do I need to say to make you believe me?" asked Sirius, and a moment later, he regretted it
"Sirius, promise me that if Voldemort takes control again, that you will kill him" said Harry in a level tone
"What!?" sputtered Sirius
"You heard me, if he takes control again, kill him" said Harry again
"How could we kill him without killing you too?" asked Sirius, but he could tell by Harry's eyes what the answer would be
"You can't" he said quietly "If he takes control again, the only way to defeat him is to kill me while my body is weak from the switch. I will be able to use a very strong binding spell to keep his spirit locked inside of me until the spell can be performed, but the only way to stop him from causing any damage is to kill me. I know what you're thinking, that the killing curse won't work on me, but it will, all you have to do is have several people cast it back to back and it will work, especially if he has just taken control, he will be weak and so will my bodies defenses. His spirit will be trapped then, but only for about a week, and he won't be able to do any damage and it will give you time to cast the spell, all you have to do is cast it within seven days for him to be gone for good" he said in almost a frantic way, and before Sirius could say anything, he continued "Please promise me, Sirius, please don't let me hurt any of you" he pleaded
"Harry, how can you ask me to do this?" asked Sirius finally "I could never kill you, and I know no one else could either. We love you, Harry, you're our family" he said quietly
"Please, Sirius, it's the only way you will all be safe" said Harry again "Please promise me that you won't let me hurt anyone" he said again, becoming more and more desperate with each passing second.
"Harry, I can't promise you something like this" said Sirius with tears stinging his eyes
"Fine" said Harry with a cold edge returning to his voice "I have never asked anything of you, I just want your help with this one thing, but I guess you're not strong enough to take fate into your own hands. This is the only way the wizarding world will survive, and you are willing to let it fall, and it will fall by your hands. You have the power to stop this once and for all, but you're too weak to take it" he said as he got to his feet and walked back toward his own room, leaving Sirius sitting on the couch, but before he had touched the door, a soft voice reached his ears.
"All right, I promise" said Sirius heavily with his head bowed and Harry let a relieved sigh escape his lips before he spoke again.
"Thank you" he said in an equally quiet tone before entering his room to go to bed, anxious about seeing Ginny again in just a few more weeks, and knowing that as long as Sirius kept his promise, she would be safe.
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A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed or depressing, I know there are A LOT of unresolved issues here, but they will be addressed in the next several chapters. I know that it has been a couple days in the waiting, but I am going to make it up to you by posting another chapter tonight, but after that, it will be a couple more days. I am transferring to a new college for the spring semester, and I have orientation next week and I have to move into my new house so I won't have much of an opportunity to write, but once school starts again and I find a job up there, things will settle down and I will be back to my old schedule and be able to write and post more often, especially since I will be able to get on the internet more than once every couple of days. Well I hope you enjoyed this one, and please review it and the next one! Happy new year, who else can't believe that it is 2003?
Sirius and Harry walked side by side at the end of the group, far enough back that they couldn't be overheard by either the adults or the other students.
"Sirius, it's not safe for us to stay at the castle anymore, Voldemort wants the staff back and as long as we stay here, we're putting everyone at risk" said Harry in an emotionless voice as he continued to look straight ahead.
"I know, but we need to find his daughter, Harry, without her help, he wins" said Sirius in desperation
"Sirius, I'm beginning to think that she doesn't exist, I mean, we've been here nearly a month now and we still are no closer to finding her than when we started" said Harry "I just want to go back home and spend as much time with Ginny as I can before it's too late" he said quietly without looking at his godfather
"Harry, we have to find her in order for you to ever lead a normal life, and so that the wizarding world will be free of him once and for all" said Sirius forcefully and Harry stopped abruptly and turned to face him with an angry expression on his face.
"Sirius, I'm tired of worrying about the rest of the world. I have been doing nothing but that since I was eleven years old and for once, I would like to worry only about myself and be with Ginny. Because of Voldemort, we've been apart longer than we've been together it seems like, and I just want this all to be over with. I'm sick and tired of Voldemort ruining my life, and I'm tired of everyone I care about being put at risk just for knowing me. So far, my parents have died to protect me, and Cedric died just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he wasn't needed, and even now, he's using my teenage parents and their friends to get to me, and as soon as he was through with me today, he would have killed them all just because they weren't needed by him anymore. I'm tired of this, I just want to be normal and not have that megalomaniacs voice in my head trying to take control of me. I want to go home and live a normal life already" he said, almost becoming hysteric and clenching his fists in frustration.
"Harry, I know you have been through a lot, but you need to calm down" said Sirius gently and he was shocked to see raw anger flash through Harry's eyes before he spoke again in a level and harsh voice that Sirius had only heard him direct toward Voldemort, and he being on the receiving end chilled him to the bones.
"You think I've been through a lot, Sirius? Yeah, I have been through more than most people have and I'm tired of it. I was raised by people who called my a freak for my entire life just because I was a wizard, and I have had a murdering, psychotic wizard after my blood since the day I was born, I hear my parents last words anytime a dementor gets too close to me, dying just to protect me, I had to watch as a friend and classmate was murdered, I have had the cruciatus curse cast on me more than anyone else has been able to survive from, I was kept prisoner by a group of crazed dark wizards for three months and tortured in ways that would make you sick to find out about, and now I have his mark burnt into my arm, and if the wizarding world found out about that, they would turn on me faster than you could imagine, like they did when they figured out I was a parselmouth. And to top it all off, now I'm forced to constantly battle with Voldemort just so that I can keep control of myself so that I don't end up killing everyone, and if that's not enough, when I finally find someone who truly cares about me and not just my scar, I get taken away from her and can't even write letters to her, so yeah Sirius, I'd say that I have been through a lot.
I only ask that you leave me alone to live out whatever I have left of my life in peace, and whenever Voldemort does finally take control of me, I hope you will be strong enough to do what is right and kill me before he has the opportunity to do the same to you" said Harry and before Sirius could even think of a fitting response or comprehend just what Harry had said, the black haired boy had spun around and with a pop, transformed into a raven and spread his wings and took off into the forbidden forest, disappearing into the tree tops above him.
"What in Merlin's name just happened here?" he asked himself as he gazed at the spot Harry had just occupied
"I would say that your godson has finally released some of the anger he has been holding in for far too long, and it is a good thing that he did so" said a gentle voice from behind Sirius, and the man looked over his shoulder to see Dumbledore standing there with a grim smile on his aged face "Mr. Black, I presume?" he asked
"Yes, sir" replied Sirius sheepishly
"And do you mind if I ask about the true identity of your young companion?" he asked as he indicated in the direction that Harry had fled.
"He is my godson, but his parents were Lily Evans and James Potter" said Sirius with a sad smile "If you don't mind, sir, could you tell me just how much you heard of all of that?" asked Sirius
"Well, I missed the first part of your conversation, but I couldn't help but hear Harry's speech about his life thus far" answered the old man "I think I need you to answer a few questions for me" he added
"I would imagine so. Where do you want me to begin?" he asked as he shoved his hands into his robe pockets
"Well, the beginning is always a good place to start" said Dumbledore
"Very well, but I'm going to tell you now, Harry will put a memory charm on you before we leave, some of the things that have happened in our past and your future can not be altered at any cost" said Sirius
"I understand and would expect no less"
"Well, like we told you originally, Harry's parents were killed when he was a baby by you-know-who, but when he turned his wand on Harry, the killing curse bounced off of him and hit you-know-who instead and separated his spirit from his body, making him completely weak and unable to perform any magic or even survive on his own for ten years, until Harry's first year at Hogwarts" he began and continued to recount Harry's first five years at the school, leaving nothing out, including his own part in Harry's third year and the betrayal of Peter Pettigrew "At the end of last year, on March fourth, you-know-who attacked the castle. Harry was out on the grounds with Ginny and saw and felt them coming, through his scar, and he told Ginny to hide in the forest. She tried to get him to hide with her, and two of his friends even brought him a portkey that would bring him to Remus and myself who were in the village, but he wouldn't leave.
He knew he had to face you-know-who, and I don't think he thought he would survive the encounter, but he did somehow. At one point, four death eaters and their master all had the cruciatus curse on Harry, but he survived that and went on to dual with Voldemort, but he was knocked out by a banishing charm. The death eaters found Ginny and were about to kill her and another boy, but Harry stopped them, and was hit by the killing curse, but at the same time, he somehow managed to transport all the dementors and death eaters as well as himself and you-know-who away from the grounds.
We searched everywhere for him for three months, but we never found him and the ministry had declared him as a casualty of war, but there were a few of us who wouldn't give up, yourself included. About two weeks after the memorial service, you found an article in a muggle newspaper about a boy matching Harry's description turning up in a muggle hospital, and sure enough, it was him, but he was barely recognizable because the sheer number and severity of injuries. We brought him back to the castle to be healed, but he wouldn't let anyone with a wand near him and his body rejected all spells and potions when he was asleep, so he was forced to heal the muggle way. He didn't say a word for nearly four months, and he acted as though we weren't even there, but slowly he came around and got back to normal, with Ginny's help. But around Christmas, he told us that Voldemort's spirit was inside of him, trying to gain control of him and his powers, and the only way to destroy him once and for all is find a relative of Harry and a relative of Voldemort to make a potion and cast a spell, or for Harry to die a natural death with no human intervention.
You and I are both related distantly to Harry, but Voldemort has no living relatives in our time. However, he does have a daughter that is the same age as we were, but he killed her after she graduated. We don't know who this girl is, and even she has no idea about her true heritage, but we have to find her and bring her back with us to help destroy him, or the wizarding world is doomed. You have never seen the extent of Harry's powers, but I will tell you this, they are extreme.
He has the ability to transform into any animagus he desires, including magical creatures, and he is able to do a vast amount of wandless magic without ever losing strength, he even dueled with the head auror of our time, and defeated him, using only wandless magic, and that was before he powers came into full strength, and I don't have to tell you what would happen if you-know-who got control of such power. But now, Harry is willing to give up on the search, he just wants to go home, and I don't blame him in the least, but if we don't find this girl, then there is no way he will last more that a year at the most, I'm certain of it. Do you have any ideas about how to find her?" he asked hopefully
"Well, I may know of a spell that can help, but I need to look into it a little more before we attempt to cast it. Why don't we go on into the castle and eat some dinner. I'm sure Harry will come back when he has had a chance to calm down and gather his thoughts. What he has been through is more that anyone should have to see, and he is still only a child. He has been forced to grow up far too fast, by the sounds of things. I'm sure he will come to his senses in a little while, we just have to be patient" said the old man gently
"I know, you're right, he'll come around, he always does, and until he does, I will just stay out of his way and I would advise you to do the same. We have both been on the receiving end of his anger before, and I have no desire to repeat that experience" said Sirius ruefully as the pair walked into the castle and into the great hall, the entire time being watched by a raven who was perched in a tree beside the lake, who had heard every word they had said.
'I really shouldn't have acted that way' Harry thought grimly to himself as he watched the two men walk away
'Perhaps not, but he deserved to hear the truth. You don't deserve pity from him or anyone else. All you have ever caused is death and pain, you deserve everything you have been through, and you don't deserve anything good to happen to you' said Voldemort in his head, and for once, Harry didn't argue
'I am well aware of that you know' he thought darkly 'I don't deserve any happiness because of everything I have caused. If it weren't for me, my mother would never have died, Cedric would still be alive, everyone I have gotten close to here and at home would be safe, James would never have been put under the cruciatus curse today, Remus and Sirius would be able to go on and live their lives without having to worry about me, but most of all, Ginny would be able to fall in love with someone who didn't put her life in constant danger. For once, you're right' he thought darkly.
Voldemort chuckled 'I have told you before, Harry, you and I are more alike than you could ever know, but at least you are beginning to see the truth, perhaps now you will not be so resistant to fulfill your destiny'
Harry didn't bother to respond, instead, he spread his wings and took off into the air to think, and he only returned to the castle at breakfast the next morning.
When Harry entered the great hall, it was already filled with students, the majority of whom cowered away from his menacing form. His face was set in a determined, but angry line and his stride was long and every other step his staff struck the ground with a loud click. He walked all the way to the head table, ignoring the curious looks sent to him by the marauders and Lily, and took his seat next to Sirius who looked relieved and anxious.
"Where in the hell have you been?" he demanded in a harsh whisper once Harry had taken his seat
"I don't think that that concerns you, Sirius, I think I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself" he answered in a cold and heartless tone without meeting the ex-convicts eyes.
"You may be the most powerful wizard alive, Harry, but I am still your guardian, and it is my job to look out for you" answered the older man
"It's a nice thought, Sirius, but I spent the first thirteen years of my life not even knowing you existed, and the next three with you in hiding. Now that I'm seventeen years old, you're there to look out for me, but I don't need you anymore" said the younger boy harshly still without meeting the shocked gaze of his godfather
"Wh.what are you saying, Harry?" he finally managed to stutter out
"You heard me, Sirius, last night, I did a lot of thinking and I've come to a decision; as soon as we get back, I'm going to leave all of this behind and lead a normal life for as long as I can, and none of you had better try to find me, because you won't be able to" he said, finally looking toward Sirius, and the ex-convict saw determination and resolve burning in the green eyes.
"Harry, you can't leave, this is your home, and we are your family, why on earth would you even think about leaving everything and everyone who has ever cared for you behind?" he finally asked in confusion
"Because, the wizarding world has never caused me anything but pain and suffering, and I'm tired of it" he said bluntly
"Harry, do you realize what would happen if you left, how devastated everyone would be? Not to mention what the rest of the wizarding world would think" he asked
"Personally, Sirius, I don't give a damn about anyone else anymore. For once, I want to think about myself and my feelings" he answered in the same steely tone he had been using during the entire conversation
"Harry, you can't be serious, what would make you think like this? Why would you suddenly decide to leave your life behind?" asked Sirius with his brow furrowed
"I've already told you the answer to that question, Sirius, just accept it. I need to go to class" he said as he stood
"Harry, what about your friends, what about Ginny?" he asked as a last resort, and upon hearing his girlfriends name spoken, a pained expression crossed Harry's face before it was fixed in stone again.
"I don't deserve any of them, least of all Ginny" he said quietly as he left the table and Sirius behind.
The last little bit of the term passed quickly, and not once did that particular topic of conversation come up again. The headmaster called Harry to his office early in the week and told him of a spell that could be cast that would identify the girl they were looking for, and Harry immediately set to work casting it in a less populated, but still frequently used corridor of the school. It was a spell that would in essence, read the magical signatures of those who passed through, and once it matched the signature to the one they were looking for, the spell would take the person into the future so that the spell and potion could be made and cast to destroy Voldemort for good. All he had to do, was to use his staff to focus on the magical signature of the spirit inside of him, and key the spell to recognize it, and anyone who matched it would be brought directly to the future Hogwarts. Harry was secretly impressed by the spell, and wished that they had told the headmaster the truth as soon as they had arrived, it would have saved them a lot of time and energy.
Harry never again spoke to the marauders or Lily, and spent all of his time either working on the spell, or sitting in his room, preferring not to see those who would later be killed by protecting him, and he kept almost silent around his godfather as well, as his thoughts and emotions raged inside of him, Voldemort's thoughts and feelings more pronounced than ever before during his depressed state.
On the one hand, he knew that what Voldemort was saying was not true, and that he was not responsible for the deaths of anyone, and that he didn't deserve everything that had happened to him throughout the years. But, that side was steadily loosing to the other side, the side that believed that he was the sole cause of all the deaths and all of the suffering, and that he deserved everything he had received. This was the side that wanted to leave the wizarding world behind forever, not only to be rid of all the misery, but also to protect those he cared about. This was the side that Voldemort was influencing, and this was the side that was wining more and more as the days went on.
When the last day of term arrived, Harry and Sirius went to the headmasters' office to meet the remaining three marauders and Lily to obliterate their memories of them. They walked to the office in silence, and when they reached it, Harry walked briskly in and faced the four teens with a closed expression.
"Harry" began James, but before he could say anything more, Harry had directed his staff to the four and there was a quick flash of pale blue light, and when it was gone, all four had blank, but blissful expressions on their faces.
"James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, you may all go down to the coaches, have a pleasant summer" said the headmaster, and without another word, the four left the office "Harry, how strong was that memory charm?" he asked once they were gone
"They will only remember that we were here, but they won't remember anything of what happened, or anything specific about either one of us unless they see us again or hear about the events that have happened here involving the two of us, which won't happen since we will be returning home in just two months" he said crisply before he too left the office, leaving Sirius and Dumbledore behind.
"What happened to him?" asked the older man once Harry was gone "Before the incident in the village he was kind and happy, but since then he is so closed off, I was sure he would have returned to normal by now"
"I know, but I have no idea what's going on, he told me a couple weeks ago that once everything is finally over, he's going to leave the wizarding world and all of his friends behind. That is just so unlike him, he has no living family other that his aunt and uncle who hate him, the only people who have ever cared about him are at Hogwarts, I just don't see why he would want to leave all of that behind" said Sirius wearily as he collapsed into a chair "He won't even talk to me anymore, and when I asked him about how his friends would feel if he left, he said that he didn't deserve them, I just don't know what to do anymore. He's been through so much already, and I'm afraid we will never be able to cast the spell to kill you-know-who for good, and that I've already lost Harry because of it" he admitted in a low voice
"Sirius, I may not know Harry too well, but what I have seen so far leads me to believe that he is still full of surprises. He may talk like this now, but I have a feeling that when you two return to your own time that things will return to normal again, you just need to be patient and trust Harry to make the right decisions" he said gently as he laid a reassuring hand on the younger mans shoulder "You just have to be there for him when he is ready to talk about it"
"Thank you, sir, I had better get back to the room to see if he is willing to speak to me" said Sirius with a forced smile as he left the office
Harry was regretting not having a few last words with his parents since he knew that it wasn't likely that he would ever get the chance again, but he also knew that he would have broken down completely if he had been forced to say goodbye to them, so he did the only thing he could think of, he cast the spell before the threat of losing control was made a reality. His parents were dead, and he must remember that, they were never coming back and no matter what anyone said, if it weren't for him, his mother at least would still be alive. After he left the headmasters office, he went to the corridor where he had been working and began to refine the spell to make it more specific so that there was no risk of it bringing the wrong person to the future. He worked for three hours straight before he went to the kitchens to get a quick lunch, which the house elves were more than happy to provide. When he was done eating, he went outside and transformed into horse and went galloping through the forest as fast as his hooves would carry him, returning to the castle long after the sun had set and walking to his room in exhaustion, not saying a word to Sirius when he entered.
The next two weeks passed in the same fashion, with Harry avoiding Sirius at all costs by heading into the forest as soon as he finished working on the spell and remaining there late into the night, and before they knew it, it was June 30.
"Harry, would you like to go to the great hall for dinner with me?" asked Sirius as the black haired boy entered the living room from the hallway beyond close to midnight.
"No" was the response he received as Harry walked into his bedroom and closed the door roughly
"What am I going to do with him?" muttered Sirius to himself as he left the room with a shake of his head.
Harry walked over and sat down on his bed with a heavy sigh, and Terres and Sherlock promptly came to meet him.
'What is wrong, Harry?' hissed Sherlock 'You have not been acting like yourself for several weeks now, you barely even talk to us anymore and you never answer our questions'
'Yes, my child, something is bothering you and you are hurting your godfather by not talking to him about it' said Terres gently
'I know, but it's for his own good' said Harry and both creatures gave him curious looks, so he elaborated 'A few weeks before the death eaters set the trap for me, I saw something in divination that I don't want to see actually happen' he said
'What did you see?' asked Terres as she settled down on his shoulder
'I saw myself torturing Ginny' he said simply 'I know if I try to stay close to her and everyone else that Voldemort will kill them the instant he gets control of me again, and I can't bear to see that happen. It's better for everyone if I just keep away from them, everyone I am close to is in danger of being killed and it's all my fault' he said wearily.
'That may be how you feel now, Harry, but you know that that is not the truth' said Sherlock
'Yes it is, because of me, three people have died, four were captured and would have been killed, and Draco and Ginny were almost killed during the battle, and the dementors nearly got a hold of Ron and Hermione. I couldn't bear it if anyone else were put into danger just because I was close to them' he said angrily as he hit his fist onto the hard wood of his nightstand.
'Harry, listen to yourself, all of your friends, Ginny, Sirius, and everyone else know what a risk it is to be close to you and they have been willing to take on that risk. Let them make their own decisions as to whether or not to stand by you, don't try to alienate yourself from them because you think it is for the best. You can't do this on your own, you need the support of your friends and family' said Terres in a firm voice
'Don't you see though, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold Voldemort off, and the instant he takes control, he will not hesitate to kill whoever I am around, and I don't want that to be anyone I care for, especially not Ginny' said Harry, nearly becoming hysterical
'Calm down my child' said Terres in a soothing tone 'Why don't you talk to Sirius and tell him how you feel, he might be able to help' she suggested
'Fine, but only because I'm tired of arguing with a snake and a phoenix' he said angrily as he stormed from the room, startling Sirius who had returned from dinner and was drinking a cup of tea "We need to talk" he said bluntly as he sat on the couch, and Sirius hesitantly took a seat next to him.
"What's wrong?" asked the older man after several silent moments had passed
"I need you to make me a promise" began Harry "This is very important, and I expect you to keep your word, no matter what happens"
"What are you talking about?" asked Sirius, genuinely confused
"Ok, how about this, I'll tell you why I haven't been acting like myself if, at the end, you promise me something" said Harry
"Fine, deal" said Sirius as he settled back into the couch and regained some of his nerve "Why in Merlin's name have you been acting like an insolent, spoiled child for so long?"
Harry sighed heavily before he began his tale, starting first with what he had seen in divination before he told Sirius just what he had just told Terres and Sherlock "Do you understand?" he asked as he finished his tale
"No, why would you think that if you distanced yourself from us that we would give up on you? We care about you, Harry, all of us and no matter what danger that puts us in, we will never turn our backs on you" said Sirius
"But, Sirius, what if I end up hurting you, or worse?" asked Harry
"Harry, I know that you would never hurt me, and everyone else knows that too. If something did happen, it wouldn't be you who was hurting us, it would be Voldemort" he said with conviction
"Maybe, but Sirius, I see everything he does, and he would be using my powers and my body to do it, so in essence, it would be me who was hurting you" said Harry quietly as he looked at the ground
"Harry, why are we even talking about this? You finished the spell a week ago and it's only a matter of days once term starts again before his daughter is brought to us and we can put this entire ordeal behind us and you would be able to concentrate on living your life, lets not worry about this now" said Sirius with a reassuring smile
"You don't get it, Sirius, I have to worry about this because in all actuality, it could happen and I need to make sure that all of you will be safe" said Harry as he once again met his godfathers eyes
"How will you be able to do that, Harry? If he does manage to take control there is nothing you or the rest of us can do to stop him" said Sirius
"Yes there is" said Harry quietly "I need you to promise me something" he said for the third time that night
"What do I need to say to make you believe me?" asked Sirius, and a moment later, he regretted it
"Sirius, promise me that if Voldemort takes control again, that you will kill him" said Harry in a level tone
"What!?" sputtered Sirius
"You heard me, if he takes control again, kill him" said Harry again
"How could we kill him without killing you too?" asked Sirius, but he could tell by Harry's eyes what the answer would be
"You can't" he said quietly "If he takes control again, the only way to defeat him is to kill me while my body is weak from the switch. I will be able to use a very strong binding spell to keep his spirit locked inside of me until the spell can be performed, but the only way to stop him from causing any damage is to kill me. I know what you're thinking, that the killing curse won't work on me, but it will, all you have to do is have several people cast it back to back and it will work, especially if he has just taken control, he will be weak and so will my bodies defenses. His spirit will be trapped then, but only for about a week, and he won't be able to do any damage and it will give you time to cast the spell, all you have to do is cast it within seven days for him to be gone for good" he said in almost a frantic way, and before Sirius could say anything, he continued "Please promise me, Sirius, please don't let me hurt any of you" he pleaded
"Harry, how can you ask me to do this?" asked Sirius finally "I could never kill you, and I know no one else could either. We love you, Harry, you're our family" he said quietly
"Please, Sirius, it's the only way you will all be safe" said Harry again "Please promise me that you won't let me hurt anyone" he said again, becoming more and more desperate with each passing second.
"Harry, I can't promise you something like this" said Sirius with tears stinging his eyes
"Fine" said Harry with a cold edge returning to his voice "I have never asked anything of you, I just want your help with this one thing, but I guess you're not strong enough to take fate into your own hands. This is the only way the wizarding world will survive, and you are willing to let it fall, and it will fall by your hands. You have the power to stop this once and for all, but you're too weak to take it" he said as he got to his feet and walked back toward his own room, leaving Sirius sitting on the couch, but before he had touched the door, a soft voice reached his ears.
"All right, I promise" said Sirius heavily with his head bowed and Harry let a relieved sigh escape his lips before he spoke again.
"Thank you" he said in an equally quiet tone before entering his room to go to bed, anxious about seeing Ginny again in just a few more weeks, and knowing that as long as Sirius kept his promise, she would be safe.
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A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed or depressing, I know there are A LOT of unresolved issues here, but they will be addressed in the next several chapters. I know that it has been a couple days in the waiting, but I am going to make it up to you by posting another chapter tonight, but after that, it will be a couple more days. I am transferring to a new college for the spring semester, and I have orientation next week and I have to move into my new house so I won't have much of an opportunity to write, but once school starts again and I find a job up there, things will settle down and I will be back to my old schedule and be able to write and post more often, especially since I will be able to get on the internet more than once every couple of days. Well I hope you enjoyed this one, and please review it and the next one! Happy new year, who else can't believe that it is 2003?