Convergence
By Redtoes
Author's note - Part ten of ten. Though there may be an epilogue and I have an idea for a Les ficlet that really should be addressed. Who knows, if I get a good idea I may make a whole 'nother series about this crew.
Disclaimer - They're not mine, at all, ever. They all belong to someone else. And I don't get paid for this, so please don't sue. Though if you like the work I do for free, just think how good I am when there's money on the table.
You want to hear about how I forgave him, don't you?
You want to hear about how at that moment I took him back and forgave the lies, the deception and the fact he totally and utterly betrayed me and just kissed him right then and there.
Well.
I didn't.
******
"Jan."
"Hey," he says, stepping up a stair. "Can I come up?"
"Would anything I could say convince you not to?" I ask rhetorically as he runs up the staircase. I don't move from my stand at the top of the flight, and he's left standing on the penultimate step, looking up at me.
Though it's not really looking up. Considering the extra inches he has on me height wise I'm just pleased we're on the same level for once.
It seems fitting.
"So," he says, "We're doing this here."
"Yeah," I'm savouring being able to look him straight in the eyes, "right here."
"Okay. Well here it is. I think I might love you. And I think I fucked up. Majorly." God I can't catch my breath.
"And I did sleep with Courtney"
Okay, now I'm breathing. Fire. How dare he?
"But that was before, before us. Before I realised that I wanted more than just sex. Before I realised I was in love with you. Before."
And I'm staring at him.
"Before?"
"Yeah," he confirms, stepping forward to cup my face in his hands, "Before."
"How long before?" Part of me can't believe this. I'm standing here in front of this guy who just told me he loved me and that all the crap I thought was right is in fact wrong, and I'm questioning him. I'm questioning it.
"It was before," he says, "who cares how long?"
"I do."
"Then we're gonna need to sit down," he smiles shortly. "This could take a while."
*******
You still think I took him back don't you?
You think he told me all about Courtney and how they'd had a "thing" for years and I took him back because life should have a happy ending and this would be it.
I didn't.
I listened though. I listened to everything. And then I kissed his cheek and asked him to leave. And he did.
And now we're in Florida, and I'm watching him flirt with other women, "Hey ladies, wanna see my spirit stick," and listening to Torrance depress me about Cliff.
I'm being as chirpy as I can be in public, but, and I swear you to secrecy on this, I'm crying in a corner when I'm by myself.
But we're in finals. So that's all that matters.
Or so I thought.
*******
"Trust on three! One, two - "
"TRUST!"
*******
"You know," he says as he leans his lanky frame against the metal railings that hold me back from the beach, "you used to be more fun."
I'm sitting on the rails, sipping on a coke, watching the waves. I know Torrance is as close as she can get to the judges without being accused of stalking. I suspect Les is trying his very best to flirt with. Tim? Was that his name? I don't know. And here's Cliff, pestering me.
"Buzz off little brother," I smile, "I'm all nervous here."
He grins. "You're really not."
"No," I agree softly, "I'm not."
"You've either won or you haven't," he says neutrally.
"Yeah," I agree. "We came, we cheered, now we wait."
"You've done more than that," he points out resting his elbows on the rail, staring out to see.
"I really haven't," I object softly, trying not to think about where he's going with this. Don't be talking about Jan. Don't be talking about Jan. Don't -
"Missy." Shit.
"Don't say it Cliff," I warn, suddenly tense.
"Why?" He asks, "you messed with my love life."
"And look what happened."
"Yeah," but he doesn't sound upset at all. He sounds -
"You're gonna go for it aren't you?"
"Go for what?"
"I knew it!" And I did. "I knew you didn't fly out here for me."
"Hey I had the ticket," he shrugs, "And I'm here, why's it matter who I'm here for."
"It doesn't." But he's gotten over himself, that matters. And he's going to take his chance, that matters.
That all matters.
Jesus. What the hell am I doing?
What am I doing?
"Missy!"
I turn, suddenly.
Jan.
"Jan." I'm neutral, I'm cool, I'm ice.
"Missy," he pauses about six feet away uneasily, shifting on his feet. "The judges are back. Come on, we gotta go."
"Yeah," I brush down my clothing as I clamber to my feet. "Right."
I watch as he turns away from me, beginning the jog across the broadwalk back to the arena. For a second my heart flips as I watch him move. All that he is, all that energy and enthusiasm and life.
And then reality comes crashing back and I have to sprint after him to catch up, leaving my brother alone to watch the waves.
*******
God she looks good. Her hair's down and her skin's flushed and she looks so good I could just -
Do absolutely nothing because I screwed this up two weeks ago.
I tried to tell her, you know? Tried to explain. I just couldn't get it to come out right. I told her everything, laid open my heart, my soul, put it all out there on the line and she said -
"Jan?"
No actually she said that she hated that I never told her about Courtney. That those small lies had become big, and that she just couldn't trust me, couldn't be near me. I'd betrayed her.
Then she kissed me, softly, gently and I thought there must be something wrong with my ears coz no one says those things then kisses goodbye like that.
No one except Missy.
And she's here standing beside me and it's a physical effort not to be touching her.
"Jan?"
Not to be kissing her. Not to -
"Jan!"
I look down to see Missy's hand resting against my chest, helping her keep her distance as she leant in to bring me back to reality. She's touching me.
I could die happy.
"We need to go out there, don't we?" She asks, gesturing out into the arena. Somewhere along the line I paused in this doorway, unwilling to take those final steps. After this there's nothing. It's over. No Nationals the squad has to be in shape for to force us into daily practices. No dynamic to maintain. No reason to see her.
I thought I could win her back already. I thought we'd be holding hands waiting for the trophy. I thought so many things.
"Yeah," I answer her. And then, taking what might well be my last ever chance I hold me hand out to her. "Let's go."
Her fingers hover over my skin as her eyes meet mine. She's about to smile, she's about to drop her hand in mine and warp her fingers around me when -
"Hey Lover."
Courtney.
Who whisks me off in a second, leaving Missy standing there, her hand half outstretched towards my last chance that never was.
Damnit.
****** I swear it's like he's trying to give me reasons to hate him.
Jogging hand in hand with Courtney across the arena. Bastard. But then I was about to take his hand wasn't I?
I feel a stab of real pain, followed by the familiar chaser of anger. It's almost a comfort, to know I'm still angry, still hurting. It's diminishing though, shifting it's focus from Jan, poor confused Jan to Courtney the evil bitch.
Maybe Cliff's little trip is getting to me. He flew 3000 miles to see Torrance. He came because I told him he should, that she as worth it. That she broke up with her boyfriend over him. But first she lied, or at least wasn't entirely honest. Flirted with one while dating the other..
God is everything becoming a metaphor for my life?
"Missy! Come on!" Torrance waves at me from across the stage. "Come on!"
Plastering a fake smile on I dash across to where our blond captain stands. Taking my hand we kneel at the front of our group. Coz if there's one thing that these guys can do it's pose. I swear all they need's a camera sometimes and they're suddenly kneeling or standing or regimented into the perfect team shot. Its plain freaky. It's -
- Now this was a tough decision as there were two outstanding teams this year -
What? Huh? Oh yeah, time to win.
- from San Diego California, the Rancho Carne Toros! -
Or not. I find myself staring at Torrance. We came second. We came second..
We came second!
"Second place, hell yeah!" I hear Courtney scream and for once in my life I don't hate her. I'm too busy jumping up with Torrance and screaming as we go and grab that big damn trophy that ours. It's ours and we did it all by ourselves.
No Big Red.
No stolen routines.
No Sparky bloody Pulastri.
Us. The Toros. We did it.
It's ours.
Cliff comes across suddenly, focused on one thing, and though I want to see them both happy I just don't want to lose my buzz already, don't want to come back to reality, and so -
"Les!" I yell as I move through the crowd. "Les!"
"Hey," I feel rather than hear this word, his breath against my skin rather than his word in my ear. And I turn and throw myself into the arms of -
Jan?
Jan.
Jan who's kissing me, and god I've missed this.
"Jan?"
"Yeah?" he says, grinning at me from mere millimetres away.
"Hi," I manage.
"Hey," he says leaning in again. Leaning in to kiss me, when -
"Jan!" Oh I know that voice.
"Go away Courtney," he says, never once taking his eyes from mine. "I'm talking to my girlfriend."
I sense her seething behind me, and for one second I want to pull away. You can have him. He's yours. He screwed me over and I don't want him.
And I look up into those warm darks eyes.
Screw that.
Screw her.
So long as I can taste your lips for the next age, I'm happy.
"This doesn't mean we're cool." I say the next time we take a breather.
"I know," he says, his eyes sparkling, "but it's a good start right?"
"Yeah," I grin, rubbing my nose against his, "It's a great start." ******
So you happy now?
To hear I took him back?
To hear I transferred my application from Stamford to UCLA, where he'll be?
To hear that two years later we're still going strong and moving into our own place?
To hear that though I gave up cheering, it just wasn't the same without our squad, I kept up Gymnastics, even improved as a result of my year with Torrance and the others?
To hear that everything's going well?
To hear we're doing fine?
To hear we're happy?
Yeah. I'm happy to hear that too.
******
By Redtoes
Author's note - Part ten of ten. Though there may be an epilogue and I have an idea for a Les ficlet that really should be addressed. Who knows, if I get a good idea I may make a whole 'nother series about this crew.
Disclaimer - They're not mine, at all, ever. They all belong to someone else. And I don't get paid for this, so please don't sue. Though if you like the work I do for free, just think how good I am when there's money on the table.
You want to hear about how I forgave him, don't you?
You want to hear about how at that moment I took him back and forgave the lies, the deception and the fact he totally and utterly betrayed me and just kissed him right then and there.
Well.
I didn't.
******
"Jan."
"Hey," he says, stepping up a stair. "Can I come up?"
"Would anything I could say convince you not to?" I ask rhetorically as he runs up the staircase. I don't move from my stand at the top of the flight, and he's left standing on the penultimate step, looking up at me.
Though it's not really looking up. Considering the extra inches he has on me height wise I'm just pleased we're on the same level for once.
It seems fitting.
"So," he says, "We're doing this here."
"Yeah," I'm savouring being able to look him straight in the eyes, "right here."
"Okay. Well here it is. I think I might love you. And I think I fucked up. Majorly." God I can't catch my breath.
"And I did sleep with Courtney"
Okay, now I'm breathing. Fire. How dare he?
"But that was before, before us. Before I realised that I wanted more than just sex. Before I realised I was in love with you. Before."
And I'm staring at him.
"Before?"
"Yeah," he confirms, stepping forward to cup my face in his hands, "Before."
"How long before?" Part of me can't believe this. I'm standing here in front of this guy who just told me he loved me and that all the crap I thought was right is in fact wrong, and I'm questioning him. I'm questioning it.
"It was before," he says, "who cares how long?"
"I do."
"Then we're gonna need to sit down," he smiles shortly. "This could take a while."
*******
You still think I took him back don't you?
You think he told me all about Courtney and how they'd had a "thing" for years and I took him back because life should have a happy ending and this would be it.
I didn't.
I listened though. I listened to everything. And then I kissed his cheek and asked him to leave. And he did.
And now we're in Florida, and I'm watching him flirt with other women, "Hey ladies, wanna see my spirit stick," and listening to Torrance depress me about Cliff.
I'm being as chirpy as I can be in public, but, and I swear you to secrecy on this, I'm crying in a corner when I'm by myself.
But we're in finals. So that's all that matters.
Or so I thought.
*******
"Trust on three! One, two - "
"TRUST!"
*******
"You know," he says as he leans his lanky frame against the metal railings that hold me back from the beach, "you used to be more fun."
I'm sitting on the rails, sipping on a coke, watching the waves. I know Torrance is as close as she can get to the judges without being accused of stalking. I suspect Les is trying his very best to flirt with. Tim? Was that his name? I don't know. And here's Cliff, pestering me.
"Buzz off little brother," I smile, "I'm all nervous here."
He grins. "You're really not."
"No," I agree softly, "I'm not."
"You've either won or you haven't," he says neutrally.
"Yeah," I agree. "We came, we cheered, now we wait."
"You've done more than that," he points out resting his elbows on the rail, staring out to see.
"I really haven't," I object softly, trying not to think about where he's going with this. Don't be talking about Jan. Don't be talking about Jan. Don't -
"Missy." Shit.
"Don't say it Cliff," I warn, suddenly tense.
"Why?" He asks, "you messed with my love life."
"And look what happened."
"Yeah," but he doesn't sound upset at all. He sounds -
"You're gonna go for it aren't you?"
"Go for what?"
"I knew it!" And I did. "I knew you didn't fly out here for me."
"Hey I had the ticket," he shrugs, "And I'm here, why's it matter who I'm here for."
"It doesn't." But he's gotten over himself, that matters. And he's going to take his chance, that matters.
That all matters.
Jesus. What the hell am I doing?
What am I doing?
"Missy!"
I turn, suddenly.
Jan.
"Jan." I'm neutral, I'm cool, I'm ice.
"Missy," he pauses about six feet away uneasily, shifting on his feet. "The judges are back. Come on, we gotta go."
"Yeah," I brush down my clothing as I clamber to my feet. "Right."
I watch as he turns away from me, beginning the jog across the broadwalk back to the arena. For a second my heart flips as I watch him move. All that he is, all that energy and enthusiasm and life.
And then reality comes crashing back and I have to sprint after him to catch up, leaving my brother alone to watch the waves.
*******
God she looks good. Her hair's down and her skin's flushed and she looks so good I could just -
Do absolutely nothing because I screwed this up two weeks ago.
I tried to tell her, you know? Tried to explain. I just couldn't get it to come out right. I told her everything, laid open my heart, my soul, put it all out there on the line and she said -
"Jan?"
No actually she said that she hated that I never told her about Courtney. That those small lies had become big, and that she just couldn't trust me, couldn't be near me. I'd betrayed her.
Then she kissed me, softly, gently and I thought there must be something wrong with my ears coz no one says those things then kisses goodbye like that.
No one except Missy.
And she's here standing beside me and it's a physical effort not to be touching her.
"Jan?"
Not to be kissing her. Not to -
"Jan!"
I look down to see Missy's hand resting against my chest, helping her keep her distance as she leant in to bring me back to reality. She's touching me.
I could die happy.
"We need to go out there, don't we?" She asks, gesturing out into the arena. Somewhere along the line I paused in this doorway, unwilling to take those final steps. After this there's nothing. It's over. No Nationals the squad has to be in shape for to force us into daily practices. No dynamic to maintain. No reason to see her.
I thought I could win her back already. I thought we'd be holding hands waiting for the trophy. I thought so many things.
"Yeah," I answer her. And then, taking what might well be my last ever chance I hold me hand out to her. "Let's go."
Her fingers hover over my skin as her eyes meet mine. She's about to smile, she's about to drop her hand in mine and warp her fingers around me when -
"Hey Lover."
Courtney.
Who whisks me off in a second, leaving Missy standing there, her hand half outstretched towards my last chance that never was.
Damnit.
****** I swear it's like he's trying to give me reasons to hate him.
Jogging hand in hand with Courtney across the arena. Bastard. But then I was about to take his hand wasn't I?
I feel a stab of real pain, followed by the familiar chaser of anger. It's almost a comfort, to know I'm still angry, still hurting. It's diminishing though, shifting it's focus from Jan, poor confused Jan to Courtney the evil bitch.
Maybe Cliff's little trip is getting to me. He flew 3000 miles to see Torrance. He came because I told him he should, that she as worth it. That she broke up with her boyfriend over him. But first she lied, or at least wasn't entirely honest. Flirted with one while dating the other..
God is everything becoming a metaphor for my life?
"Missy! Come on!" Torrance waves at me from across the stage. "Come on!"
Plastering a fake smile on I dash across to where our blond captain stands. Taking my hand we kneel at the front of our group. Coz if there's one thing that these guys can do it's pose. I swear all they need's a camera sometimes and they're suddenly kneeling or standing or regimented into the perfect team shot. Its plain freaky. It's -
- Now this was a tough decision as there were two outstanding teams this year -
What? Huh? Oh yeah, time to win.
- from San Diego California, the Rancho Carne Toros! -
Or not. I find myself staring at Torrance. We came second. We came second..
We came second!
"Second place, hell yeah!" I hear Courtney scream and for once in my life I don't hate her. I'm too busy jumping up with Torrance and screaming as we go and grab that big damn trophy that ours. It's ours and we did it all by ourselves.
No Big Red.
No stolen routines.
No Sparky bloody Pulastri.
Us. The Toros. We did it.
It's ours.
Cliff comes across suddenly, focused on one thing, and though I want to see them both happy I just don't want to lose my buzz already, don't want to come back to reality, and so -
"Les!" I yell as I move through the crowd. "Les!"
"Hey," I feel rather than hear this word, his breath against my skin rather than his word in my ear. And I turn and throw myself into the arms of -
Jan?
Jan.
Jan who's kissing me, and god I've missed this.
"Jan?"
"Yeah?" he says, grinning at me from mere millimetres away.
"Hi," I manage.
"Hey," he says leaning in again. Leaning in to kiss me, when -
"Jan!" Oh I know that voice.
"Go away Courtney," he says, never once taking his eyes from mine. "I'm talking to my girlfriend."
I sense her seething behind me, and for one second I want to pull away. You can have him. He's yours. He screwed me over and I don't want him.
And I look up into those warm darks eyes.
Screw that.
Screw her.
So long as I can taste your lips for the next age, I'm happy.
"This doesn't mean we're cool." I say the next time we take a breather.
"I know," he says, his eyes sparkling, "but it's a good start right?"
"Yeah," I grin, rubbing my nose against his, "It's a great start." ******
So you happy now?
To hear I took him back?
To hear I transferred my application from Stamford to UCLA, where he'll be?
To hear that two years later we're still going strong and moving into our own place?
To hear that though I gave up cheering, it just wasn't the same without our squad, I kept up Gymnastics, even improved as a result of my year with Torrance and the others?
To hear that everything's going well?
To hear we're doing fine?
To hear we're happy?
Yeah. I'm happy to hear that too.
******