Chapter 49
One night shortly after term began, after a long meeting of the dueling club, Harry returned to his room and his eyes fell onto his desk and a small smile filtered across his face. Tiredly, he pulled his desk chair over to the large window and began to read the pile of letters that had lain forgotten since his return.
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June 26
Dear Harry,
I don't know if you will receive this or not, and even if you do, I doubt that you will respond to it but I wanted to write it anyways. I know that you have gotten many letters from me over the past couple of weeks, but I think that this one will be even more important to you than all of the others. As you probably realize, today was graduation for the seventh years and you had every right to be here, but since you couldn't be I decided to let you know just what went on.
As you know, Hermione was head girl and Draco was head boy (even though it should have been you, but you refused it) and both of them had to give the traditional 'Hogwarts has meant so much to me, good luck in the future' speeches, but they decided to add a little twist to tradition that I think you would appreciate. Instead of each one giving their own speech, they decided to do one together and have the rest of the seventh years participate as well. They started by telling about the events of the first year, everything from Professor Quirrell and his stuttering (with a very good impression given by Dean) to the quidditch season and the crushing defeat of Slytherin for the house cup competition due to you, Ron, Hermione, and Neville. They did the same thing for every year of their time at Hogwarts, retelling all of the events, both good and bad, that occurred, including the battle at the end of last year and the memorial service for the boy-who-lived-who everyone-thought-was-dead-but-never-really-died, as Seamus so fondly called you. After their little story telling session that had everyone laughing and crying at the same time, Dumbledore got up and made a speech about just how much all of the students meant to him and how proud he was of everyone, and though he didn't mention you by name, everyone knew he was talking mostly about you.
After his speech, he and the other professors took turns calling names and handing out graduation certificates to everyone, and when they got to the place where your name should have been, I was certain that they weren't going to say it, but Remus did and Dumbledore said that due to extenuating circumstances that he would hold on to your certificate for you until he next saw you. When the ceremony was over, all of the Gryffindor graduates and a few from other houses all came to the burrow for a party which lasted until early the next morning. More than one person asked me where you were and were concerned for your safety with the increased threats from death eaters, but since I do not know myself, I was not able to give them any answers, but Dumbledore kept assuring them that wherever you were you were safe, but I find that hard to believe since trouble seems to find you wherever you are.
Ron and Draco have decided to return to the castle after term starts again if Sirius is still willing to help them, and Hermione was offered the position of assistant charms professor for next year which she was ecstatic about, of course. Dumbledore also hinted that you would be back at the castle next year to help with the defense classes, but he didn't say anything definite to me about it, but I hope it is true, I would love to have you at the castle for my last year so we can still see each other.
How are you doing, wherever you are? I hope you-know-who is not giving you too many problems, and that Sirius is looking out for you. I have continued to look through the library with Hermione and Ron whenever we get a spare moment, but so far we haven't been able to find anything that could help you, but we will keep looking.
I also wanted to tell you that I miss you with my whole heart, and I can't bear to be away from you again, especially now. I know you are very powerful, Harry, but the death eaters are out for your blood, and I don't think that they will stop until they have it. They are killing everyone they meet, and attacking random houses just to kill families, many of them muggles, for no reason. Dumbledore and my father have set up new wards around the burrow to protect us while we are here for the summer since not only my family, but Hermione and Draco, will be here until term starts again, and everyone knows that we are close to you, but don't worry about us, we'll be fine. You need to concentrate on yourself and staying out of their way.
It is almost time for the express to leave, so I had better send this with Hedwig. I told Remus and the headmaster that she could stay with us for the summer, so don't worry about her, she can keep Pig company.
I love you Harry and I hope to see you soon,
Ginny
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July 31
Dear Harry,
Happy Birthday! I hope this letter finds you well, we are all fine here at the Burrow. Ron, Hermione, Draco, and the rest of the family will all be sending you letters as well today I imagine. I hope you like your gift, even though it is something you would be more likely to receive from Hermione than myself, but hopefully it helps with the search on how to destroy you-know-who. We found another copy in the restricted section of the library, and when we read it, we discovered a way you could get rid of him for good, but I don't know if it is possible. It talks about making a potion containing a drop of blood from one of your relatives, and one of his, and then having both of them cast some sort of spell on you exactly nine days after you drink the potion, on the first day of a new moon. The entire potion and spell as well as all of the information about both are on page 768 of this book if you want to read it, but I will tell you a little more of what Remus told us about it as well.
The potion is used to separate your own spirit and magic from his, but doing this may either strengthen him or you, but not both, since your magic will no longer be connected, so it is risky. The spell that needs to be cast will remove him from you and then destroy him as soon as you two are separated, and it is guaranteed to work as long as a blood relative of he and you are casting the spell, so the potion is the only risky part, and in my opinion it is too much of a risk.
We will keep looking for another way until you come back, or we find one, but just in case we can't find any other option we thought you might want to read up on this and let Sirius do the same since he would probably be the one to participate from your family, since he is a closer relative than Dumbledore, and the book says the closer the relationship, the more productive the spell will be.
Geeze, this entire letter so far sounds like Hermione wrote it for a grade, didn't it? Sorry about that, I didn't mean for it to be a lesson or anything! Well, on to better news, Fred and George have opened another shop, this one in Diagon Alley, so now they have two stores to deal with (Merlin help us) and their new store is already doing more business than the first one did during its first month of operation, apparently they have a pretty good following already. Mum has been helping dad at the ministry nearly every day now, to try and cope with the death eater attacks since everyone at the ministry is already overwhelmed. That leaves just four of us at home all day long, and trust me, with only Draco for company, things are starting to get boring (Ron and Hermione are always together alone), so don't worry, there is no threat of forgetting you. School starts again in a month, so we are going to Diagon Alley tomorrow morning to get my things and some books for Hermione, and Draco and Ron were saying something about getting some 'equipment' for their training with Sirius, but I really don't want to know what they were talking about. Draco inherited all of the money from his family in court case last week, his mother disappeared and no one knows where she is, but Draco thinks she joined the rest of the death eaters, but who knows. Well, this is getting to be pretty long, so I had better go ahead and send it with Hedwig so you get it while it still is your birthday.
Happy Birthday again! Lots of Love,
Ginny
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August 30
Dear Harry,
This letter will be short since I will hopefully be seeing you tomorrow night. I hope you will still be returning then, if not, I will be giving Dumbledore a piece of my mind. I just wanted to let you know that as soon as I see you, I want a few answers, first, where have you been, and second, why didn't you answer any of my letters? I want both of these questions answered as soon as we are alone, so be prepared or you will face the wrath of the famous Weasley temper. I hope you are still well, and Sirius too, and I can't wait until tomorrow night when we can see each other again.
Love Always,
Ginny
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Harry smiled slightly as he read the last of Ginny's letters from the summer break, each just as caring and funny as the previous, and his heart swelled with pride to know she loved him so much, and he returned that love ten fold.
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"Good morning, Harry" said Sirius on Monday morning as Harry groggily left his room and entered the living room
"Morning" he mumbled back as he reached for his cloak with shivering hands
"Are you ok? You don't look like you slept well last night" said Sirius in concern as he approached his godson
"I'm fine so leave me alone" he snapped back as he picked up his staff and left the room in the direction of the great hall for breakfast. He entered the hall and immediately took his seat next to Hermione.
"Hello Harry" she said pleasantly and he responded by sending her a pointed glare that strongly resembled that of Snape, which she immediately turned away from to finish eating her meal in silence, which he was thankful for, but before she left, she asked another question which she immediately regretted "Harry, Ron, Draco, and I are going to go down to the village tonight after dinner for a drink and to relax since Sirius gave them the night off. Would you and Ginny like to come along?" she asked
"Hermione, I don't have time to waste drinking in the village, I have more important things on my mind right now, or have you been too wrapped up in Ron to remember that? So save your breath and my time from now on" he said crisply as he stood and strode from the great hall, leaving a slack jawed Hermione in his wake as well as several baffled teachers, including Remus and Sirius who had heard the entire exchange.
"Hermione, just ignore him right now, he has been snapping at everyone all week" said Remus gently
"I know, it's just that he needs to get away from this all for a little while, he needs to forget about it and spend some time with his friends" she said back with tears shining in her eyes
"I'm afraid that until this is over with that he won't be able to put it out of his mind for even a couple of minutes" said Sirius wearily as he too stood to leave the room.
That night when Ginny came to see him, they sat in complete silence, neither saying a word to the other, but they knew just what the other was thinking. Ginny was worried about Harry and he knew it but there was nothing he could do to alleviate her worries so he didn't even try.
That night after Ginny left to return to her dorm, Harry stayed in an armchair in the living room, trying in vain not to fall asleep since he knew what he would experience if he did so, but regardless of his efforts, he was pulled into a dream.
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He was back in the cavern, but unlike every other time he had been here in his dreams so far, this time he was almost alone. He was still chained to the wall with the magical restraints that prevented him from using his magic, and his body was covered in bruises and blood, but that was not what caught his attention. The entire cavern was filled with dead bodies, lying where they had fallen and all starring straight at him. He had seen this before, but every other time it had been only the death eaters who were lying dead in the cave, killed while Voldemort was residing inside of them, but now there were others, women and children that had been killed by the still uncaught death eaters, people Harry had seen die during his terrible nightmares and they too were sending him accusing glares and he was forced to close his eyes to keep from being sick.
"You see what you have caused, Harry?" asked a voice from directly in front of him and he quickly opened his eyes and looked into the cold red eyes of Voldemort who was standing barley a meter from him "If it weren't for you, none of these people would be dead, they would still be alive and happy with their families, but because of you they are all dead" he said smoothly
"No, I didn't kill them, you and your followers did" said Harry confidently, forcing himself to look at Voldemort and not the bodies.
"Yes, Harry, they may have died by the wands of others, but none of them need have died if it weren't for you. My followers are only looking for me, and if you just surrendered now, they would have their master and they would stop their search and their needless killing"
"I will never give in to you because if I did then even more would die" spat Harry
"Perhaps, but you know the truth even if you don't want to admit it. All of these people died because of you, these children will never get the opportunity to grow up, and many others will never get to see their parents again because you killed them. These men may just be death eaters to you, but to someone else, they are a father, a son, a husband, and because you refused to let them escape from here, they are dead."
"They are dead because they are evil, Tom, just like you and they deserved to die" said Harry
"Who are you to decide what is good and what is evil in this world, Harry Potter? Who are you to decide who lives and who dies?" asked Voldemort
"It isn't me who chooses who lives and who dies, Tom, it was you who killed your men, not me, and you took their lives just to prolong your own, so who are you to decide who lives and who dies?" countered Harry
"Harry, Harry, Harry, you still don't understand, do you? If you hadn't have brought us here, I would never have had to inhabit the bodies of my followers and so many children would still have their parents. It was your choice to bring them here, so their deaths are on your hands, not mine" he answered with a cruel smile "And as for the others you see here, their lives would have been spared if only you would have turned yourself over to my followers, so their deaths are also on your hands"
Harry could only stare at Voldemort as the implications of his words sunk in, he didn't want to believe that what he was saying was true, but deep down he knew it was and that thought made him sick. He forced himself to look away from Voldemort and his eyes fell onto the face of a young girl with blonde hair, a look of horror fixed permanently onto her young face, her blue eyes wide with shock and Harry felt tears begin to sting his own eyes. "It is my fault" he whispered quietly to himself without taking his eyes from those of the girl "They all died because of me"
"Now you understand just how selfish you have been, Harry. You caused all of them to die just because you didn't want to face what you knew was meant to happen. You and I are one, Harry Potter, like I told you many years ago, we are very alike, you and I, and it is destiny that we are to be one and rule over the wizarding world with our combined powers, the likes of which have never been seen before. If you surrender now, Harry, I will promise that I will not harm your friends, not Ginny, or Sirius, or Remus, Draco, Ron, or Hermione, and I will even let Dumbledore live if he agrees to submit to me, but if you refuse, when I do get control, they will be the first to die" he threatened "All you have to do is give in now and their deaths will not join these on your hands, they will be spared. You have two months to decide what you want to do, but I advise you to make the wise decision unless you want to be responsible for the deaths of all those you care about" he said as his voice began to fade away to be replaced by the frantic one of Sirius.
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Sirius was awoken in the middle of the night by a loud thump from the living room. Concerned, he jumped from his bed and grabbed his wand before hurrying out of his bedroom, where he was met with the sight of Harry lying on the ground, clearly caught in a nightmare. He knelt at his godson's side and called his name, trying to wake him up without touching him since he didn't want to experience the nightmare Harry was having himself, but nothing worked.
"Harry! Come on, wake up Harry, it's just a nightmare, it's not real" he yelled frantically and as he paused to take a breath, he heard a soft voice speaking, barley audible, and he leaned closer to hear the words that chilled his blood in his veins.
"No, I didn't kill them, you and your followers did" Harry said with confidence and Sirius didn't even to think about just who Harry was referring to, Voldemort, but he had no idea about just what that meant, that Harry wasn't only dreaming about Voldemort, but actually holding out a conversation with him.
"I will never give in to you because if I did then even more would die" he said after a long pause and Sirius' brow furrowed in concern as he tried again to call Harry awake but to no avail.
"They are dead because they are evil, Tom, just like you and they deserved to die" Again Harry paused for several moments like he was listening to a response to his words.
"It isn't me who chooses who lives and who dies, Tom, it was you who killed your men, not me, and you took their lives just to prolong your own, so who are you to decide who lives and who dies?" he asked and despite the gravity of the situation, Sirius allowed a grim smirk pass across his worried face as Harry spoke the truth so perfectly, but his face fell upon Harry's next words, spoken barley above a whisper.
"It is my fault. They all died because of me"
Sirius was shocked. How could Harry even think that he was responsible for anyone's death? He was so startled that he didn't even realize that Harry had woken up and had his green eyes focused intently on Sirius until the boy began to sit up.
"Harry!" he exclaimed once he had been brought out of his musings.
"Sirius, why are you in here? It's the middle of the night, you should be asleep" said Harry as he stood.
"I heard you fall of the chair, I was just checking to make sure that you were ok. Are you? That seemed like a pretty bad nightmare you were having" said Sirius pointedly, praying that Harry would tell him what he had been dreaming about even though he already had a good idea.
"I'm fine, I guess I just fell asleep, sorry I woke you" said Harry as he began to turn toward the direction of his own room.
"Not so fast Harold James, I want to know just what you were dreaming about because you have a bad habit of talking in your sleep" said Sirius as he took hold of Harry's upper arm to stop him.
"I already told you, Sirius, I'm fine and it was just a nightmare, I don't even remember what it was about" lied Harry "Now, let go of me before I make you" he said in a threatening growl as he wrenched his arm from Sirius' grasp and walked into his room without another word, leaving a very confused Sirius in his wake.
"Harry, I hope for all of our sakes this ends soon, I don't know how much longer you can put up with this" said Sirius quietly to the closed door, not intending to be overheard, but he was and Harry offered his own quiet response that fell upon deaf ears.
"I won't have to hold on for much longer, Sirius. This ends in two months, one way or another" he said before sitting down at his desk to read a book for the rest of the night, unwilling to even try to fall asleep again.
At breakfast the next morning, Sirius tried to talk to Harry about what happened the night before, but the stubborn teen refused to speak to him which only served to make Sirius even more frustrated.
"Harry, I know that whatever you were dreaming about was not pleasant and I know that the only way to put things like this behind you is to talk about them" said Sirius as he glared pointedly at Harry
"Sirius, I already told you that it was no big deal and I don't even remember it, so why do you keep pushing this?" demanded Harry
"Because I am worried about you, Harry. You have a lot on your mind right now and you won't talk to anyone about it anymore. I want to help you" pleaded Sirius
"Sirius, you can't help me anymore, time is running out, the only thing you can do is keep the promise you made to me. Don't let me hurt anyone" said Harry as he stood to leave the breakfast table, leaving Sirius speechless behind him, but only for a moment. Before Harry had reached the large oak doors leading from the great hall, Sirius stood and spoke loudly, silencing the students who were still eating their breakfast and gaining the attention of all present.
"Harry, I don't know what he is telling you, but none of this is your fault, you haven't done anything wrong" he said, and though the majority of those present had no idea what he was talking about, a small handful did and they became even more concerned and worried for the black haired boy who carried a golden staff and wore a scarlet cloak.
Harry paused momentarily at the doors and bowed his head before he answered his godfather without turning to face him "Yes it is, Sirius, I could have stopped it before it happened, but I was too weak to do it, so I am going to stop it now. Please, Sirius, remember your promise" he said in a quiet and defeated tone, but his words echoed off the walls as though he had yelled them before e pushed the doors open and left the silent hall behind.
Immediately following the end of breakfast, those who knew about what was really going on met in the small chamber just off of the great hall.
"What has gotten in to him?" demanded Snape once the door was shut and several silencing spells had been cast on the room to prevent eavesdropping.
"I don't know, he keeps getting more and more short tempered and depressed, no matter what we try to do" said Hermione in a defeated tone, but before anyone else could add their own thoughts, Dumbledore spoke up.
"Sirius, what were you talking about with him?" he asked kindly
"Well, last night he was having a nightmare and he was talking in his sleep, he was saying that he was responsible for everyone dying, I think he was talking to Voldemort in his dream, and that he was trying to make Harry feel guilty, and it looks like he did a pretty good job of that" Sirius muttered darkly as he looked intently into the eyes of the others in the room "He's giving up" he added in a flat, emotionless voice
"Sirius, Harry is strong, he would never just give up like that" said Hermione with certainty, though her eyes didn't reflect that certainty
"Hermione, you have no idea just how hard these past months have been on Harry. He has had some pretty bad experiences that he will never be able to forget since he left the castle, and then he comes back and discovers that the death eaters are out for revenge on him, and then Voldemort tells him that everyone who has died, died because of him and he is close to breaking, and judging by what he said this morning, he is closer than any of us thought" said Sirius as he bowed his head in depression
"What are you saying, Sirius? What was he talking about, what did you promise him?" asked Ginny quietly and her question drew the attention of all of the others immediately
"Ginny, I don't want to answer that" said Sirius, trying in vain to avoid admitting what he had promised to his godson
"Sirius, please answer the question, if you don't we will have no idea just how bad things have gotten" said Remus as he placed a reassuring hand on his best friends shoulder
"Moony, please, I can't" Sirius practically begged, but it was obvious that his friend wasn't going to back down
"Padfoot, we need to know" he said gently and the others all nodded in agreement, all concerned, even Snape.
"Fine, but you aren't going to like it" Sirius muttered before he began "While we were gone, Harry became very distant, almost as bad as he is now. He wouldn't speak to me at all, or anyone else. He spent every waking moment either reading or working on a spell, and every night as an animagus running through the woods. One night he came back early and went straight to his room, and stayed there for quite some time, later I found out that he was arguing with Sherlock and Terres" he said with a grim smile and when he saw the confused looks on several of the others faces he elaborated "Terres is a phoenix that came to him while we were gone, it turns out that she was the one who sent him the staff" he said hastily, preferring to get on with his tale "Well, later that night, he came out and demanded that we talk and that I promise him something. He told me about a dream he had had, that he had hurt Ginny, and he was really keyed up about it, he was afraid that it was really going to happen. That's why he had been so distant, he had even gone so far as to say he was going to leave once we got back. He was so scared that he was going to hurt someone that he made me promise that I wouldn't let him if Voldemort ever got control again" he said as he paused for a moment
"How could you stop him? Harry is the most powerful wizard ever, and if Voldemort did get control again, how could you do anything to stop him?" asked Snape skeptically
Sirius looked directly into the dark eyes of his former enemy before he answered in an unflinching tone "I promised that I would kill him before he got the chance" he said bluntly as he stood and walked out of the room without another word, leaving the others in shocked silence, Ginny and Hermione with tears in their eyes.
The rest of the day passed quickly, with no one seeing any sign of Harry, but come dinner, he was already sitting in his seat at the head table, deep in thought.
"Harry, are you ok?" asked Dumbledore gently as he reached his seat
"Fine sir" replied Harry as the hall continued to fill with students
"If you ever need to talk, I'm here" offered the old man as he gently squeezed Harry's shoulder in a grandfatherly gesture.
"Pardon me, sir, but how could you help me? You have no idea what I am going through, you have never had to go through anything like this yourself" said Harry shortly as he glared at his former headmaster, green eyes piercing blue with anger and intensity, but the older man was not intimidated
"Harry, I know that this is hard on you, but you need to have faith that everything will work out, or you have already lost. The spell will work, but you must have patience, it was set up in an area of the school that is not well traversed, but every student walks down it at one point or another, she will be brought here in just a matter of time, just have faith" he said as he walked to his seat and began to eat.
Harry just sat in stunned silence, how could the headmaster have such confidence when things were going so badly? How could he be so certain that everything would be fine? He thought as he too began to eat, trying o ignore the sneering remarks Voldemort was making about the only reason Dumbledore was so certain was because it wasn't himself that had to deal with all of Harry's problems and guilt.
The rest of the week passed in much the same fashion, Harry keeping as far away from everyone as he possibly could, with the exception of Ginny whom he still met every night.
"Harry, you never did tell me what you thought about your birthday gift. Did it help?" she asked one night
"Oh, yes, it did, Sirius and I checked into it, but Voldemort doesn't have any living relatives, he killed them all himself" said Harry, still irritated that he couldn't tell her the truth.
"Oh" she said quietly "Well, maybe we can find something else" she suggested hopefully as she burrowed deeper into his arms "We still have time" she added and Harry silently cursed the fact that they had less time that she thought, only seven weeks left now until it would be over.
The rest of the night was spent discussing the new Gryffindor quidditch team, which Ginny was captain of, the second Weasley to hold the position. Their first game would be the weekend following the Christmas break, and the team was just starting practices. Harry was glad for the distraction and eagerly gave Ginny pointers and advice on different plays, some of which he had learned from the marauders during his time in the past.
When he went into his room later that night, he was surprised to find Sherlock, Hedwig, and Terres all waiting for him on his bed. Sherlock had spent the few remaining warm months exploring the castle and grounds, and Harry had rarely seen him lately, and Terres had been gone since the day they had gotten back and Harry had no idea where she had been. Affectionately rubbing his owls back, he turned to his pet and guardian.
'Hello you two. What are you doing here?' he asked
'Harry, we came to ask you about what has been going on, why have you become so depressed?' asked Sherlock in concern and sighing, Harry sat on the bed next to the green snake who looked up to him with wide eyes.
'How did you find out about this?' he finally asked
'My child, the entire school was talking about what happened at breakfast a few days ago, and your owl came and told me, and I found Sherlock. We are concerned for you' said Terres gently
'I figured you would find out about that' muttered Harry, but despite Voldemort, he was unable to brush off the concerns of the animals as easily as he did with his friends 'Voldemort told me that if I give into him within the next seven weeks that he won't hurt anyone I care about, but if I don't, then they will be the first he kills' he said simply 'I just don't know what to do' he added
'Harry, you mustn't worry about what he says, hopefully it will not come down to that' reassured Sherlock
'But what if it does? What if I have to decide between my friends, family, and Ginny, or the rest of the world? How could I make such a decision? I'm already responsible for too many deaths, I couldn't bear anymore'
'My child, you are not responsible for anyone dying, Voldemort is, don't let him make you think otherwise' said Terres
'Maybe you're right, but how do I decide? Who am I to pick who lives and who dies?' he implored of his two companions as he continued to stroke Hedwig absentmindedly
'That is not a responsibility of anyone, you do not have to decide who lives and who dies, just trust your heart and it will tell you what is right' said Terres
Despite the gravity of the conversation, Harry smiled grimly at the phoenix 'But what if my heart has already decided?' he asked her
'Then follow it' she said and Harry swore she was smiling as well 'You are too strong to give into him, my child, and all he is trying to do is weaken you with his lies since he knows he won't win any other way. Now, get some rest, I will watch over your dreams tonight to keep him from interfering so you may sleep peacefully, you need it' she said as she settled on the post of his bed.
'Thanks, Terres' he said as he quickly went into the bathroom to change before settling down for the first peaceful nights sleep he had had in a long time, with Terres watching over him and Sherlock coiled at the foot of his bed.
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A/N: Sorry this took so long, but things will get better now that school is about to start again. Hope you enjoy this and please review! Next chapter maybe tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on when I get a chance to finish it.
One night shortly after term began, after a long meeting of the dueling club, Harry returned to his room and his eyes fell onto his desk and a small smile filtered across his face. Tiredly, he pulled his desk chair over to the large window and began to read the pile of letters that had lain forgotten since his return.
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June 26
Dear Harry,
I don't know if you will receive this or not, and even if you do, I doubt that you will respond to it but I wanted to write it anyways. I know that you have gotten many letters from me over the past couple of weeks, but I think that this one will be even more important to you than all of the others. As you probably realize, today was graduation for the seventh years and you had every right to be here, but since you couldn't be I decided to let you know just what went on.
As you know, Hermione was head girl and Draco was head boy (even though it should have been you, but you refused it) and both of them had to give the traditional 'Hogwarts has meant so much to me, good luck in the future' speeches, but they decided to add a little twist to tradition that I think you would appreciate. Instead of each one giving their own speech, they decided to do one together and have the rest of the seventh years participate as well. They started by telling about the events of the first year, everything from Professor Quirrell and his stuttering (with a very good impression given by Dean) to the quidditch season and the crushing defeat of Slytherin for the house cup competition due to you, Ron, Hermione, and Neville. They did the same thing for every year of their time at Hogwarts, retelling all of the events, both good and bad, that occurred, including the battle at the end of last year and the memorial service for the boy-who-lived-who everyone-thought-was-dead-but-never-really-died, as Seamus so fondly called you. After their little story telling session that had everyone laughing and crying at the same time, Dumbledore got up and made a speech about just how much all of the students meant to him and how proud he was of everyone, and though he didn't mention you by name, everyone knew he was talking mostly about you.
After his speech, he and the other professors took turns calling names and handing out graduation certificates to everyone, and when they got to the place where your name should have been, I was certain that they weren't going to say it, but Remus did and Dumbledore said that due to extenuating circumstances that he would hold on to your certificate for you until he next saw you. When the ceremony was over, all of the Gryffindor graduates and a few from other houses all came to the burrow for a party which lasted until early the next morning. More than one person asked me where you were and were concerned for your safety with the increased threats from death eaters, but since I do not know myself, I was not able to give them any answers, but Dumbledore kept assuring them that wherever you were you were safe, but I find that hard to believe since trouble seems to find you wherever you are.
Ron and Draco have decided to return to the castle after term starts again if Sirius is still willing to help them, and Hermione was offered the position of assistant charms professor for next year which she was ecstatic about, of course. Dumbledore also hinted that you would be back at the castle next year to help with the defense classes, but he didn't say anything definite to me about it, but I hope it is true, I would love to have you at the castle for my last year so we can still see each other.
How are you doing, wherever you are? I hope you-know-who is not giving you too many problems, and that Sirius is looking out for you. I have continued to look through the library with Hermione and Ron whenever we get a spare moment, but so far we haven't been able to find anything that could help you, but we will keep looking.
I also wanted to tell you that I miss you with my whole heart, and I can't bear to be away from you again, especially now. I know you are very powerful, Harry, but the death eaters are out for your blood, and I don't think that they will stop until they have it. They are killing everyone they meet, and attacking random houses just to kill families, many of them muggles, for no reason. Dumbledore and my father have set up new wards around the burrow to protect us while we are here for the summer since not only my family, but Hermione and Draco, will be here until term starts again, and everyone knows that we are close to you, but don't worry about us, we'll be fine. You need to concentrate on yourself and staying out of their way.
It is almost time for the express to leave, so I had better send this with Hedwig. I told Remus and the headmaster that she could stay with us for the summer, so don't worry about her, she can keep Pig company.
I love you Harry and I hope to see you soon,
Ginny
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July 31
Dear Harry,
Happy Birthday! I hope this letter finds you well, we are all fine here at the Burrow. Ron, Hermione, Draco, and the rest of the family will all be sending you letters as well today I imagine. I hope you like your gift, even though it is something you would be more likely to receive from Hermione than myself, but hopefully it helps with the search on how to destroy you-know-who. We found another copy in the restricted section of the library, and when we read it, we discovered a way you could get rid of him for good, but I don't know if it is possible. It talks about making a potion containing a drop of blood from one of your relatives, and one of his, and then having both of them cast some sort of spell on you exactly nine days after you drink the potion, on the first day of a new moon. The entire potion and spell as well as all of the information about both are on page 768 of this book if you want to read it, but I will tell you a little more of what Remus told us about it as well.
The potion is used to separate your own spirit and magic from his, but doing this may either strengthen him or you, but not both, since your magic will no longer be connected, so it is risky. The spell that needs to be cast will remove him from you and then destroy him as soon as you two are separated, and it is guaranteed to work as long as a blood relative of he and you are casting the spell, so the potion is the only risky part, and in my opinion it is too much of a risk.
We will keep looking for another way until you come back, or we find one, but just in case we can't find any other option we thought you might want to read up on this and let Sirius do the same since he would probably be the one to participate from your family, since he is a closer relative than Dumbledore, and the book says the closer the relationship, the more productive the spell will be.
Geeze, this entire letter so far sounds like Hermione wrote it for a grade, didn't it? Sorry about that, I didn't mean for it to be a lesson or anything! Well, on to better news, Fred and George have opened another shop, this one in Diagon Alley, so now they have two stores to deal with (Merlin help us) and their new store is already doing more business than the first one did during its first month of operation, apparently they have a pretty good following already. Mum has been helping dad at the ministry nearly every day now, to try and cope with the death eater attacks since everyone at the ministry is already overwhelmed. That leaves just four of us at home all day long, and trust me, with only Draco for company, things are starting to get boring (Ron and Hermione are always together alone), so don't worry, there is no threat of forgetting you. School starts again in a month, so we are going to Diagon Alley tomorrow morning to get my things and some books for Hermione, and Draco and Ron were saying something about getting some 'equipment' for their training with Sirius, but I really don't want to know what they were talking about. Draco inherited all of the money from his family in court case last week, his mother disappeared and no one knows where she is, but Draco thinks she joined the rest of the death eaters, but who knows. Well, this is getting to be pretty long, so I had better go ahead and send it with Hedwig so you get it while it still is your birthday.
Happy Birthday again! Lots of Love,
Ginny
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August 30
Dear Harry,
This letter will be short since I will hopefully be seeing you tomorrow night. I hope you will still be returning then, if not, I will be giving Dumbledore a piece of my mind. I just wanted to let you know that as soon as I see you, I want a few answers, first, where have you been, and second, why didn't you answer any of my letters? I want both of these questions answered as soon as we are alone, so be prepared or you will face the wrath of the famous Weasley temper. I hope you are still well, and Sirius too, and I can't wait until tomorrow night when we can see each other again.
Love Always,
Ginny
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Harry smiled slightly as he read the last of Ginny's letters from the summer break, each just as caring and funny as the previous, and his heart swelled with pride to know she loved him so much, and he returned that love ten fold.
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"Good morning, Harry" said Sirius on Monday morning as Harry groggily left his room and entered the living room
"Morning" he mumbled back as he reached for his cloak with shivering hands
"Are you ok? You don't look like you slept well last night" said Sirius in concern as he approached his godson
"I'm fine so leave me alone" he snapped back as he picked up his staff and left the room in the direction of the great hall for breakfast. He entered the hall and immediately took his seat next to Hermione.
"Hello Harry" she said pleasantly and he responded by sending her a pointed glare that strongly resembled that of Snape, which she immediately turned away from to finish eating her meal in silence, which he was thankful for, but before she left, she asked another question which she immediately regretted "Harry, Ron, Draco, and I are going to go down to the village tonight after dinner for a drink and to relax since Sirius gave them the night off. Would you and Ginny like to come along?" she asked
"Hermione, I don't have time to waste drinking in the village, I have more important things on my mind right now, or have you been too wrapped up in Ron to remember that? So save your breath and my time from now on" he said crisply as he stood and strode from the great hall, leaving a slack jawed Hermione in his wake as well as several baffled teachers, including Remus and Sirius who had heard the entire exchange.
"Hermione, just ignore him right now, he has been snapping at everyone all week" said Remus gently
"I know, it's just that he needs to get away from this all for a little while, he needs to forget about it and spend some time with his friends" she said back with tears shining in her eyes
"I'm afraid that until this is over with that he won't be able to put it out of his mind for even a couple of minutes" said Sirius wearily as he too stood to leave the room.
That night when Ginny came to see him, they sat in complete silence, neither saying a word to the other, but they knew just what the other was thinking. Ginny was worried about Harry and he knew it but there was nothing he could do to alleviate her worries so he didn't even try.
That night after Ginny left to return to her dorm, Harry stayed in an armchair in the living room, trying in vain not to fall asleep since he knew what he would experience if he did so, but regardless of his efforts, he was pulled into a dream.
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He was back in the cavern, but unlike every other time he had been here in his dreams so far, this time he was almost alone. He was still chained to the wall with the magical restraints that prevented him from using his magic, and his body was covered in bruises and blood, but that was not what caught his attention. The entire cavern was filled with dead bodies, lying where they had fallen and all starring straight at him. He had seen this before, but every other time it had been only the death eaters who were lying dead in the cave, killed while Voldemort was residing inside of them, but now there were others, women and children that had been killed by the still uncaught death eaters, people Harry had seen die during his terrible nightmares and they too were sending him accusing glares and he was forced to close his eyes to keep from being sick.
"You see what you have caused, Harry?" asked a voice from directly in front of him and he quickly opened his eyes and looked into the cold red eyes of Voldemort who was standing barley a meter from him "If it weren't for you, none of these people would be dead, they would still be alive and happy with their families, but because of you they are all dead" he said smoothly
"No, I didn't kill them, you and your followers did" said Harry confidently, forcing himself to look at Voldemort and not the bodies.
"Yes, Harry, they may have died by the wands of others, but none of them need have died if it weren't for you. My followers are only looking for me, and if you just surrendered now, they would have their master and they would stop their search and their needless killing"
"I will never give in to you because if I did then even more would die" spat Harry
"Perhaps, but you know the truth even if you don't want to admit it. All of these people died because of you, these children will never get the opportunity to grow up, and many others will never get to see their parents again because you killed them. These men may just be death eaters to you, but to someone else, they are a father, a son, a husband, and because you refused to let them escape from here, they are dead."
"They are dead because they are evil, Tom, just like you and they deserved to die" said Harry
"Who are you to decide what is good and what is evil in this world, Harry Potter? Who are you to decide who lives and who dies?" asked Voldemort
"It isn't me who chooses who lives and who dies, Tom, it was you who killed your men, not me, and you took their lives just to prolong your own, so who are you to decide who lives and who dies?" countered Harry
"Harry, Harry, Harry, you still don't understand, do you? If you hadn't have brought us here, I would never have had to inhabit the bodies of my followers and so many children would still have their parents. It was your choice to bring them here, so their deaths are on your hands, not mine" he answered with a cruel smile "And as for the others you see here, their lives would have been spared if only you would have turned yourself over to my followers, so their deaths are also on your hands"
Harry could only stare at Voldemort as the implications of his words sunk in, he didn't want to believe that what he was saying was true, but deep down he knew it was and that thought made him sick. He forced himself to look away from Voldemort and his eyes fell onto the face of a young girl with blonde hair, a look of horror fixed permanently onto her young face, her blue eyes wide with shock and Harry felt tears begin to sting his own eyes. "It is my fault" he whispered quietly to himself without taking his eyes from those of the girl "They all died because of me"
"Now you understand just how selfish you have been, Harry. You caused all of them to die just because you didn't want to face what you knew was meant to happen. You and I are one, Harry Potter, like I told you many years ago, we are very alike, you and I, and it is destiny that we are to be one and rule over the wizarding world with our combined powers, the likes of which have never been seen before. If you surrender now, Harry, I will promise that I will not harm your friends, not Ginny, or Sirius, or Remus, Draco, Ron, or Hermione, and I will even let Dumbledore live if he agrees to submit to me, but if you refuse, when I do get control, they will be the first to die" he threatened "All you have to do is give in now and their deaths will not join these on your hands, they will be spared. You have two months to decide what you want to do, but I advise you to make the wise decision unless you want to be responsible for the deaths of all those you care about" he said as his voice began to fade away to be replaced by the frantic one of Sirius.
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Sirius was awoken in the middle of the night by a loud thump from the living room. Concerned, he jumped from his bed and grabbed his wand before hurrying out of his bedroom, where he was met with the sight of Harry lying on the ground, clearly caught in a nightmare. He knelt at his godson's side and called his name, trying to wake him up without touching him since he didn't want to experience the nightmare Harry was having himself, but nothing worked.
"Harry! Come on, wake up Harry, it's just a nightmare, it's not real" he yelled frantically and as he paused to take a breath, he heard a soft voice speaking, barley audible, and he leaned closer to hear the words that chilled his blood in his veins.
"No, I didn't kill them, you and your followers did" Harry said with confidence and Sirius didn't even to think about just who Harry was referring to, Voldemort, but he had no idea about just what that meant, that Harry wasn't only dreaming about Voldemort, but actually holding out a conversation with him.
"I will never give in to you because if I did then even more would die" he said after a long pause and Sirius' brow furrowed in concern as he tried again to call Harry awake but to no avail.
"They are dead because they are evil, Tom, just like you and they deserved to die" Again Harry paused for several moments like he was listening to a response to his words.
"It isn't me who chooses who lives and who dies, Tom, it was you who killed your men, not me, and you took their lives just to prolong your own, so who are you to decide who lives and who dies?" he asked and despite the gravity of the situation, Sirius allowed a grim smirk pass across his worried face as Harry spoke the truth so perfectly, but his face fell upon Harry's next words, spoken barley above a whisper.
"It is my fault. They all died because of me"
Sirius was shocked. How could Harry even think that he was responsible for anyone's death? He was so startled that he didn't even realize that Harry had woken up and had his green eyes focused intently on Sirius until the boy began to sit up.
"Harry!" he exclaimed once he had been brought out of his musings.
"Sirius, why are you in here? It's the middle of the night, you should be asleep" said Harry as he stood.
"I heard you fall of the chair, I was just checking to make sure that you were ok. Are you? That seemed like a pretty bad nightmare you were having" said Sirius pointedly, praying that Harry would tell him what he had been dreaming about even though he already had a good idea.
"I'm fine, I guess I just fell asleep, sorry I woke you" said Harry as he began to turn toward the direction of his own room.
"Not so fast Harold James, I want to know just what you were dreaming about because you have a bad habit of talking in your sleep" said Sirius as he took hold of Harry's upper arm to stop him.
"I already told you, Sirius, I'm fine and it was just a nightmare, I don't even remember what it was about" lied Harry "Now, let go of me before I make you" he said in a threatening growl as he wrenched his arm from Sirius' grasp and walked into his room without another word, leaving a very confused Sirius in his wake.
"Harry, I hope for all of our sakes this ends soon, I don't know how much longer you can put up with this" said Sirius quietly to the closed door, not intending to be overheard, but he was and Harry offered his own quiet response that fell upon deaf ears.
"I won't have to hold on for much longer, Sirius. This ends in two months, one way or another" he said before sitting down at his desk to read a book for the rest of the night, unwilling to even try to fall asleep again.
At breakfast the next morning, Sirius tried to talk to Harry about what happened the night before, but the stubborn teen refused to speak to him which only served to make Sirius even more frustrated.
"Harry, I know that whatever you were dreaming about was not pleasant and I know that the only way to put things like this behind you is to talk about them" said Sirius as he glared pointedly at Harry
"Sirius, I already told you that it was no big deal and I don't even remember it, so why do you keep pushing this?" demanded Harry
"Because I am worried about you, Harry. You have a lot on your mind right now and you won't talk to anyone about it anymore. I want to help you" pleaded Sirius
"Sirius, you can't help me anymore, time is running out, the only thing you can do is keep the promise you made to me. Don't let me hurt anyone" said Harry as he stood to leave the breakfast table, leaving Sirius speechless behind him, but only for a moment. Before Harry had reached the large oak doors leading from the great hall, Sirius stood and spoke loudly, silencing the students who were still eating their breakfast and gaining the attention of all present.
"Harry, I don't know what he is telling you, but none of this is your fault, you haven't done anything wrong" he said, and though the majority of those present had no idea what he was talking about, a small handful did and they became even more concerned and worried for the black haired boy who carried a golden staff and wore a scarlet cloak.
Harry paused momentarily at the doors and bowed his head before he answered his godfather without turning to face him "Yes it is, Sirius, I could have stopped it before it happened, but I was too weak to do it, so I am going to stop it now. Please, Sirius, remember your promise" he said in a quiet and defeated tone, but his words echoed off the walls as though he had yelled them before e pushed the doors open and left the silent hall behind.
Immediately following the end of breakfast, those who knew about what was really going on met in the small chamber just off of the great hall.
"What has gotten in to him?" demanded Snape once the door was shut and several silencing spells had been cast on the room to prevent eavesdropping.
"I don't know, he keeps getting more and more short tempered and depressed, no matter what we try to do" said Hermione in a defeated tone, but before anyone else could add their own thoughts, Dumbledore spoke up.
"Sirius, what were you talking about with him?" he asked kindly
"Well, last night he was having a nightmare and he was talking in his sleep, he was saying that he was responsible for everyone dying, I think he was talking to Voldemort in his dream, and that he was trying to make Harry feel guilty, and it looks like he did a pretty good job of that" Sirius muttered darkly as he looked intently into the eyes of the others in the room "He's giving up" he added in a flat, emotionless voice
"Sirius, Harry is strong, he would never just give up like that" said Hermione with certainty, though her eyes didn't reflect that certainty
"Hermione, you have no idea just how hard these past months have been on Harry. He has had some pretty bad experiences that he will never be able to forget since he left the castle, and then he comes back and discovers that the death eaters are out for revenge on him, and then Voldemort tells him that everyone who has died, died because of him and he is close to breaking, and judging by what he said this morning, he is closer than any of us thought" said Sirius as he bowed his head in depression
"What are you saying, Sirius? What was he talking about, what did you promise him?" asked Ginny quietly and her question drew the attention of all of the others immediately
"Ginny, I don't want to answer that" said Sirius, trying in vain to avoid admitting what he had promised to his godson
"Sirius, please answer the question, if you don't we will have no idea just how bad things have gotten" said Remus as he placed a reassuring hand on his best friends shoulder
"Moony, please, I can't" Sirius practically begged, but it was obvious that his friend wasn't going to back down
"Padfoot, we need to know" he said gently and the others all nodded in agreement, all concerned, even Snape.
"Fine, but you aren't going to like it" Sirius muttered before he began "While we were gone, Harry became very distant, almost as bad as he is now. He wouldn't speak to me at all, or anyone else. He spent every waking moment either reading or working on a spell, and every night as an animagus running through the woods. One night he came back early and went straight to his room, and stayed there for quite some time, later I found out that he was arguing with Sherlock and Terres" he said with a grim smile and when he saw the confused looks on several of the others faces he elaborated "Terres is a phoenix that came to him while we were gone, it turns out that she was the one who sent him the staff" he said hastily, preferring to get on with his tale "Well, later that night, he came out and demanded that we talk and that I promise him something. He told me about a dream he had had, that he had hurt Ginny, and he was really keyed up about it, he was afraid that it was really going to happen. That's why he had been so distant, he had even gone so far as to say he was going to leave once we got back. He was so scared that he was going to hurt someone that he made me promise that I wouldn't let him if Voldemort ever got control again" he said as he paused for a moment
"How could you stop him? Harry is the most powerful wizard ever, and if Voldemort did get control again, how could you do anything to stop him?" asked Snape skeptically
Sirius looked directly into the dark eyes of his former enemy before he answered in an unflinching tone "I promised that I would kill him before he got the chance" he said bluntly as he stood and walked out of the room without another word, leaving the others in shocked silence, Ginny and Hermione with tears in their eyes.
The rest of the day passed quickly, with no one seeing any sign of Harry, but come dinner, he was already sitting in his seat at the head table, deep in thought.
"Harry, are you ok?" asked Dumbledore gently as he reached his seat
"Fine sir" replied Harry as the hall continued to fill with students
"If you ever need to talk, I'm here" offered the old man as he gently squeezed Harry's shoulder in a grandfatherly gesture.
"Pardon me, sir, but how could you help me? You have no idea what I am going through, you have never had to go through anything like this yourself" said Harry shortly as he glared at his former headmaster, green eyes piercing blue with anger and intensity, but the older man was not intimidated
"Harry, I know that this is hard on you, but you need to have faith that everything will work out, or you have already lost. The spell will work, but you must have patience, it was set up in an area of the school that is not well traversed, but every student walks down it at one point or another, she will be brought here in just a matter of time, just have faith" he said as he walked to his seat and began to eat.
Harry just sat in stunned silence, how could the headmaster have such confidence when things were going so badly? How could he be so certain that everything would be fine? He thought as he too began to eat, trying o ignore the sneering remarks Voldemort was making about the only reason Dumbledore was so certain was because it wasn't himself that had to deal with all of Harry's problems and guilt.
The rest of the week passed in much the same fashion, Harry keeping as far away from everyone as he possibly could, with the exception of Ginny whom he still met every night.
"Harry, you never did tell me what you thought about your birthday gift. Did it help?" she asked one night
"Oh, yes, it did, Sirius and I checked into it, but Voldemort doesn't have any living relatives, he killed them all himself" said Harry, still irritated that he couldn't tell her the truth.
"Oh" she said quietly "Well, maybe we can find something else" she suggested hopefully as she burrowed deeper into his arms "We still have time" she added and Harry silently cursed the fact that they had less time that she thought, only seven weeks left now until it would be over.
The rest of the night was spent discussing the new Gryffindor quidditch team, which Ginny was captain of, the second Weasley to hold the position. Their first game would be the weekend following the Christmas break, and the team was just starting practices. Harry was glad for the distraction and eagerly gave Ginny pointers and advice on different plays, some of which he had learned from the marauders during his time in the past.
When he went into his room later that night, he was surprised to find Sherlock, Hedwig, and Terres all waiting for him on his bed. Sherlock had spent the few remaining warm months exploring the castle and grounds, and Harry had rarely seen him lately, and Terres had been gone since the day they had gotten back and Harry had no idea where she had been. Affectionately rubbing his owls back, he turned to his pet and guardian.
'Hello you two. What are you doing here?' he asked
'Harry, we came to ask you about what has been going on, why have you become so depressed?' asked Sherlock in concern and sighing, Harry sat on the bed next to the green snake who looked up to him with wide eyes.
'How did you find out about this?' he finally asked
'My child, the entire school was talking about what happened at breakfast a few days ago, and your owl came and told me, and I found Sherlock. We are concerned for you' said Terres gently
'I figured you would find out about that' muttered Harry, but despite Voldemort, he was unable to brush off the concerns of the animals as easily as he did with his friends 'Voldemort told me that if I give into him within the next seven weeks that he won't hurt anyone I care about, but if I don't, then they will be the first he kills' he said simply 'I just don't know what to do' he added
'Harry, you mustn't worry about what he says, hopefully it will not come down to that' reassured Sherlock
'But what if it does? What if I have to decide between my friends, family, and Ginny, or the rest of the world? How could I make such a decision? I'm already responsible for too many deaths, I couldn't bear anymore'
'My child, you are not responsible for anyone dying, Voldemort is, don't let him make you think otherwise' said Terres
'Maybe you're right, but how do I decide? Who am I to pick who lives and who dies?' he implored of his two companions as he continued to stroke Hedwig absentmindedly
'That is not a responsibility of anyone, you do not have to decide who lives and who dies, just trust your heart and it will tell you what is right' said Terres
Despite the gravity of the conversation, Harry smiled grimly at the phoenix 'But what if my heart has already decided?' he asked her
'Then follow it' she said and Harry swore she was smiling as well 'You are too strong to give into him, my child, and all he is trying to do is weaken you with his lies since he knows he won't win any other way. Now, get some rest, I will watch over your dreams tonight to keep him from interfering so you may sleep peacefully, you need it' she said as she settled on the post of his bed.
'Thanks, Terres' he said as he quickly went into the bathroom to change before settling down for the first peaceful nights sleep he had had in a long time, with Terres watching over him and Sherlock coiled at the foot of his bed.
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A/N: Sorry this took so long, but things will get better now that school is about to start again. Hope you enjoy this and please review! Next chapter maybe tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on when I get a chance to finish it.