It's chapter three already. And I'm all out of ideas for now. If I come up with more stuff later I'll make sure to write it and share with all you lucky people. And I don't own X and all that stuff.
Zero: Hey! Director? I got a question!
Director: I have a bad feeling about this. What?
Zero: You know that fake gray Zero? The one from X2?
Director: I don't like where this is going. Yes, I know the one.
Zero: I was wondering if it were to be possible to borrow it for a short while?
Director: I don't want to know, do I?
Zero: It really is a good reason. You see, Iris and me were...
Director: I said I didn't want to know!
Zero: It's just for a movie.
Director: No movies. I know what happens to "private" movies. She blackmails for lead actress. It's not the first time and it won't be the last.
Zero: I meant a movie being played in a theater, in public.
Director: Oh, a public movie. I thought it was for something else.
Zero: I don't want to know. Anyway, the movie is a five hour long romantic, anti-comedy called "When All Good Cliches Become Sad and Teary."
Director: That doesn't sound all that bad.
Zero: Here's the plot. It's about a poor, struggling artist who gets rich and loses his life-long love. Then, somehow, her spirit possesses him. Worse yet is that there's supposed to be a love scene around that point. The highlight of the movie is when he dies and possesses the body of a single mother with ten children, six of whom have incurable diseases, and their farm is about to be bought by a greedy land baron. He uses his vast fortune to save the farm and is released from the mother by his guardian angel, who takes him through his entire life up to this point, which is just repeating the majority of the film. Then he gets a second chance to live his life out with his life-long love. The grand finale is a thirty-minute musical number about cute and fluffy animals.
Director: So why do you want the Zero clone?
Zero: To stick in my place. It's in black and white, so Iris shouldn't be able to tell the difference if it's the clone or me once I get it into the theater.
Director: You know? I hate this job and I hate the actors. I constantly wish you'd all die so I can collect the life insurance. So you can understand why I must give my answer.
Zero: It kinda figures, doesn't it? I guess I'll just try not to shoot the theater apart when my sanity shatters into a thousand deranged pieces.
Director: That changed my mind. I'll call Props. It should be here in ten minutes.
Zero: What? Thank you! Why the change of heart?
Director: I may not like any of you, but I'm not stupid. We can't afford another lawsuit from you blasting buildings down.
X: Hey Zero? What's wrong? Your looking kinda blue. And for a guy in red armor that's saying something.
Zero: Iris found out.
X: About what?
Zero: The Zero clone I switched for the movie.
X: Ouch. So what happened? Kicking, hitting, plasma?
Zero: Worse. She dumped me for the clone.
X: Now that's a blow to the ego.
Zero: You have no idea. You know what Iris says is the best part about him?
X: Talking about a new boyfriend in front of the old. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. What she say?
Zero: His speaking voice. You ever hear him talk?
X: Can't say I have.
Zero: No surprise there. He can't talk. The best he can do is just make grunting sounds.
X: Unlike you.
Zero: What you say?
X: Nothing. Hey, how about we check over by the MM Zero auditions? That should cheer you up.
Zero: What's the point? I have no bright light at the end of my tunnel.
X: Oh, okay. It's just that the new batch are a bunch of fans trying out to be actors. Should be fun seeing a bunch of overacting imbeciles trying to stand in for you.
Zero: You convinced me. Hey, let's take the Director's golf cart.
X: Traveling in style, can't argue.
Director: Where's my cart? Has anyone seen my cart? What the hell happened to my cart?
X: Zero? Why are we here?
Zero: I don't know. Why are any of us here? Why were we built than hid? What is the point of our existence?
X: Do I really sound like that? Man, that is depressing.
Zero: Got that straight.
X: So why are we here at the MM Zero set?
Zero: I thought you suggested coming here?
X: Oh yeah.
Stage hand: Quiet on the set! Hey you two! Get in line for the script readings.
X: We're not here to audition.
Stage hand: Sure you're not. What with the crappy armor. What's it made of? Cardboard? Stupid anime freaks.
X: He did not just make fun of anime, did he?
Zero: "Crappy armor?"
Both: Diiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!
MMZ Director: Keep it down! Hey, what happened to the stage hand?
Zero: He got enlightened on a few key subjects.
X: He found them to be... devastating.
MMZ Director: Whatever. As long as he's back by lunch. First one up.
Stage hand #2: First is William Shatner reading for the part of Zero.
W.S.: To... start off... I'd like... to sing... the whole of... the Star Trek theme.
X: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
BOOOOM!!!!!
MMZ Director: Oh my god! He killed William Shatner!
All: Yeah!
Zero: What happened?
X: I killed William Shatner! I'm so happy!
Zero: Damnit! I wanted to kill him!
X: Where were you?
Zero: Killing off anyone I didn't want to play me.
MMZ Director: Next!
Stage hand #2: There aren't any left.
MMZ Director: That's cool. Take five everyone!
Director: Where the hell have you two been? We're ready for the next scene.
X: What scene? The writers quit. Some problem about crossfire.
Director: I know, but I got some new ones. They say they're students of Gene Rod-and-berry or something. And they work cheap.
Zero: Fine, what's the scene?
Director: Don't really know now that you mention it. I think a new hovercraft of some sort. Now shut up and get going.
Zero: But why does X get to sit in the captain's chair?
Director: Stop whining. At least you're on camera.
X: Must get off, must get off.
Director: Get a hold of yourself X. I'll talk to the writers about changing the scene a bit. Now just relax. Okay, and action!
Camera pulls out to show the cast in a recreation of the helm of the (original) Enterprise.
X (Through gritted teeth): What is our current speed, Mr. Signas?
Signas: Warp factor 3 captain.
Zero (Progressively): It is illogical for us to keep going at this speed.
X (again through gritted teeth): I am aware of that Science Officer Zero.
Alia: Sir?
X ( continuing through gritted teeth): Yes, Communications Officer Alia?
Alia: Well sir. Uh, I can't believe I'm saying this.
Director: Stick to the script!
Alia: Well sir, there's Mavericks on the starboard bow.
X (Sarcastically): It be a real pity if we were to be blown up now and end this scene. Shields up.
Alia: Sir, the shields are weakening.
X (again continuing through gritted teeth): Engineering? Douglas, we need more power.
Douglas: I canna give anymo'r pow'r capt'n. I could blow the ent're system if I did.
X: That's it! I can't take it anymore! DIE ENTERPRISE, DIE!
After the dust settles.
Director: Feel better X?
X: Lots.
Director: So what's the damage?
Intern: The set's destroyed, the writers are dead, but other than that, no harm done.
Director: No harm done? What the hell do you mean "No harm done?"
Intern: The set was insured from fires, earthquakes, and acts of God.
Director: What good does that do us? How can you possible think that this counts as an act of God?
Intern: Think about it. Anyone destroying a Star Trek set. I don't see how it couldn't be considered divine justice.
Director: Good point. But what about the writers? X killed them. Doesn't that violate the first law of robotics?
Intern: Not in this case.
Director: How is this "not" the case? They were two living, human beings.
Intern: There are exceptions.
Director: Exceptions!? X killed one of them with an eraser and paper cuts. The other one was vivisected with his own pointy ears. How is that an exception?
Intern: They were Trekkies. The rule says no harm to living humans. And as they were Trekkies, not humans, and thus obviously lacking a life, are exempt from the rules.
Director: No harm done then. Cleanup!
So? Any Trekkies offended? Remember, you can't spell "indifference" without a bunch of letters. Please Read & review. I'll listen to whatever you may say. Of course I'll be reading your reviews (if any), so it all winds up irrelevant.
Zero: Hey! Director? I got a question!
Director: I have a bad feeling about this. What?
Zero: You know that fake gray Zero? The one from X2?
Director: I don't like where this is going. Yes, I know the one.
Zero: I was wondering if it were to be possible to borrow it for a short while?
Director: I don't want to know, do I?
Zero: It really is a good reason. You see, Iris and me were...
Director: I said I didn't want to know!
Zero: It's just for a movie.
Director: No movies. I know what happens to "private" movies. She blackmails for lead actress. It's not the first time and it won't be the last.
Zero: I meant a movie being played in a theater, in public.
Director: Oh, a public movie. I thought it was for something else.
Zero: I don't want to know. Anyway, the movie is a five hour long romantic, anti-comedy called "When All Good Cliches Become Sad and Teary."
Director: That doesn't sound all that bad.
Zero: Here's the plot. It's about a poor, struggling artist who gets rich and loses his life-long love. Then, somehow, her spirit possesses him. Worse yet is that there's supposed to be a love scene around that point. The highlight of the movie is when he dies and possesses the body of a single mother with ten children, six of whom have incurable diseases, and their farm is about to be bought by a greedy land baron. He uses his vast fortune to save the farm and is released from the mother by his guardian angel, who takes him through his entire life up to this point, which is just repeating the majority of the film. Then he gets a second chance to live his life out with his life-long love. The grand finale is a thirty-minute musical number about cute and fluffy animals.
Director: So why do you want the Zero clone?
Zero: To stick in my place. It's in black and white, so Iris shouldn't be able to tell the difference if it's the clone or me once I get it into the theater.
Director: You know? I hate this job and I hate the actors. I constantly wish you'd all die so I can collect the life insurance. So you can understand why I must give my answer.
Zero: It kinda figures, doesn't it? I guess I'll just try not to shoot the theater apart when my sanity shatters into a thousand deranged pieces.
Director: That changed my mind. I'll call Props. It should be here in ten minutes.
Zero: What? Thank you! Why the change of heart?
Director: I may not like any of you, but I'm not stupid. We can't afford another lawsuit from you blasting buildings down.
X: Hey Zero? What's wrong? Your looking kinda blue. And for a guy in red armor that's saying something.
Zero: Iris found out.
X: About what?
Zero: The Zero clone I switched for the movie.
X: Ouch. So what happened? Kicking, hitting, plasma?
Zero: Worse. She dumped me for the clone.
X: Now that's a blow to the ego.
Zero: You have no idea. You know what Iris says is the best part about him?
X: Talking about a new boyfriend in front of the old. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. What she say?
Zero: His speaking voice. You ever hear him talk?
X: Can't say I have.
Zero: No surprise there. He can't talk. The best he can do is just make grunting sounds.
X: Unlike you.
Zero: What you say?
X: Nothing. Hey, how about we check over by the MM Zero auditions? That should cheer you up.
Zero: What's the point? I have no bright light at the end of my tunnel.
X: Oh, okay. It's just that the new batch are a bunch of fans trying out to be actors. Should be fun seeing a bunch of overacting imbeciles trying to stand in for you.
Zero: You convinced me. Hey, let's take the Director's golf cart.
X: Traveling in style, can't argue.
Director: Where's my cart? Has anyone seen my cart? What the hell happened to my cart?
X: Zero? Why are we here?
Zero: I don't know. Why are any of us here? Why were we built than hid? What is the point of our existence?
X: Do I really sound like that? Man, that is depressing.
Zero: Got that straight.
X: So why are we here at the MM Zero set?
Zero: I thought you suggested coming here?
X: Oh yeah.
Stage hand: Quiet on the set! Hey you two! Get in line for the script readings.
X: We're not here to audition.
Stage hand: Sure you're not. What with the crappy armor. What's it made of? Cardboard? Stupid anime freaks.
X: He did not just make fun of anime, did he?
Zero: "Crappy armor?"
Both: Diiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!
MMZ Director: Keep it down! Hey, what happened to the stage hand?
Zero: He got enlightened on a few key subjects.
X: He found them to be... devastating.
MMZ Director: Whatever. As long as he's back by lunch. First one up.
Stage hand #2: First is William Shatner reading for the part of Zero.
W.S.: To... start off... I'd like... to sing... the whole of... the Star Trek theme.
X: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
BOOOOM!!!!!
MMZ Director: Oh my god! He killed William Shatner!
All: Yeah!
Zero: What happened?
X: I killed William Shatner! I'm so happy!
Zero: Damnit! I wanted to kill him!
X: Where were you?
Zero: Killing off anyone I didn't want to play me.
MMZ Director: Next!
Stage hand #2: There aren't any left.
MMZ Director: That's cool. Take five everyone!
Director: Where the hell have you two been? We're ready for the next scene.
X: What scene? The writers quit. Some problem about crossfire.
Director: I know, but I got some new ones. They say they're students of Gene Rod-and-berry or something. And they work cheap.
Zero: Fine, what's the scene?
Director: Don't really know now that you mention it. I think a new hovercraft of some sort. Now shut up and get going.
Zero: But why does X get to sit in the captain's chair?
Director: Stop whining. At least you're on camera.
X: Must get off, must get off.
Director: Get a hold of yourself X. I'll talk to the writers about changing the scene a bit. Now just relax. Okay, and action!
Camera pulls out to show the cast in a recreation of the helm of the (original) Enterprise.
X (Through gritted teeth): What is our current speed, Mr. Signas?
Signas: Warp factor 3 captain.
Zero (Progressively): It is illogical for us to keep going at this speed.
X (again through gritted teeth): I am aware of that Science Officer Zero.
Alia: Sir?
X ( continuing through gritted teeth): Yes, Communications Officer Alia?
Alia: Well sir. Uh, I can't believe I'm saying this.
Director: Stick to the script!
Alia: Well sir, there's Mavericks on the starboard bow.
X (Sarcastically): It be a real pity if we were to be blown up now and end this scene. Shields up.
Alia: Sir, the shields are weakening.
X (again continuing through gritted teeth): Engineering? Douglas, we need more power.
Douglas: I canna give anymo'r pow'r capt'n. I could blow the ent're system if I did.
X: That's it! I can't take it anymore! DIE ENTERPRISE, DIE!
After the dust settles.
Director: Feel better X?
X: Lots.
Director: So what's the damage?
Intern: The set's destroyed, the writers are dead, but other than that, no harm done.
Director: No harm done? What the hell do you mean "No harm done?"
Intern: The set was insured from fires, earthquakes, and acts of God.
Director: What good does that do us? How can you possible think that this counts as an act of God?
Intern: Think about it. Anyone destroying a Star Trek set. I don't see how it couldn't be considered divine justice.
Director: Good point. But what about the writers? X killed them. Doesn't that violate the first law of robotics?
Intern: Not in this case.
Director: How is this "not" the case? They were two living, human beings.
Intern: There are exceptions.
Director: Exceptions!? X killed one of them with an eraser and paper cuts. The other one was vivisected with his own pointy ears. How is that an exception?
Intern: They were Trekkies. The rule says no harm to living humans. And as they were Trekkies, not humans, and thus obviously lacking a life, are exempt from the rules.
Director: No harm done then. Cleanup!
So? Any Trekkies offended? Remember, you can't spell "indifference" without a bunch of letters. Please Read & review. I'll listen to whatever you may say. Of course I'll be reading your reviews (if any), so it all winds up irrelevant.