Sakura Dies - By Miaka Killer
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. It all belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. :
Update: 10/23/04
XD
It's been well over a year since this fic was made. I just recently remembered I wrote it because someone mentioned my "hatred" of Sakura. Now that I read this over again, I can see more of the jest than the negative feelings....but I thought I should change the disclaimer and state the purpose of the fic: to poke fun at Sakura. Before chapter 236, she was a whiny, sniveling little girl obsessed with an unfeasible love with no self-confidence. But after said chapter, she grew up a little, just a little, and enough to make me realize she is decent after all.
And I read this for the first time this year after reading 236, and I don't know, I feel...different. In any case, enjoy the story in the humorous format I tried to re-edit it to be. Oo;;
--
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were walking in the forest of Death once again (why? Impulses of suicide, maybe), scouring for some decent food. Something caught the corner of Naruto's eyes, so he went scampering about to find out what it was.
"Hey Sasuke, look!" Naruto exclaimed happily. "I found some mushrooms!" The fox boy picked out the choice delicates, eyeing them with hunger. Sasuke merely scoffed.
"Those are called toadstools, dobe," Sasuke said, a flattening tone in his voice. "If you eat them, your throat will swell up to the size of watermelons and you'll be dehydrated until your cells collapse with the lack of liquid. Simply put, you'll shrivel up like a zombie in a oven." With those words, Naruto put down the toadstools with disgust.
"Man, this sucks!" Naruto frowned and went on forward.
While the boys were arguing, searching for food, and what not, Sakura decided to wander off on her own. That fool. She was innocently picking flowers until...
BOOM!
Lightning struck and hit Sakura square in the forehead. And then she died. Yes, the poor thing died. Sakura lay there in the flower bed, her blood soaking the pure white of the flower petals.
Back to the boys....
"Sasuke, did you hear that?" Naruto asked. Sasuke looked around before answering:
"Sakura is dead."
"Oh. Let's get out and eat some ramen. And have gay sex." And so they did.
Sakura, the poor pathetic creature. She wasn't even given a proper burial, not to mention no one bothered to find her body. After years, the story of Sakura was passed down orally to young ninjas, where parents would often recall to their children when they misbehaved. The children would be frightened by the vivid image of her huge forehead and cower in fear. It was not until Chouji's descendant came along and devoured of her body. Or the Anbu actually decided to be useful and clean up the village. And then poor Sakura was no more.
The End.
(Edit: XP. Poor Sakura. What has my younger self done to you?)