Little Red Riding Potter Part II

Meanwhile, a group of male hobbit strippers whom Grandma had called up before she left the house arrived and parked on the driveway. "Good God! One hell of a party they must be havin'!" one of them exclaimed, as he sized up the damage. They all got out of the van and paddled up to the front door on their sturdy hairy feet.

After knocking and ringing the bell several times to no avail, they decided to try the doorknob. It gave quite easily and they all filed in. "So where's everybody?" one asked. Another one pointed to the limp body of a little boy slumped in a corner next to a spinning wheel. There were gasps and 'oohs' and 'aahs' and a whole lot of debating as they rushed over to get a closer view of the thing.

"Dude… he's not dead is he?"

"No, 'course not, stupid."

"Well, how'd you know?"

"You ever heard a dead man snore that loud?"

"Oh… right."

"Dude… He been hexed by the cursed spinning wheel… cursed to lie forever under deathlike slumber until a prince comes by and kisses 'im"

"Sweet!"

"Dude… that's swell… didn't know you were in to all this magic mumbo jumbo biz."

"I'm not. Just read it off the back of the warning sign here."

"Sweet!"

"Oh…"

"Wait… you can read?"

"Dude… wotcher think we should do with 'im?"

The sound of brains clicking and whirring could be heard in the silence.

"Dude… I think we should get the hell outta here… fast" with that, the speaker turned on his heels and ran, knocking down a basket of knitting equipment as he went. The rest of his friends followed closely. In a flash, they pulled out of the driveway, backing straight into a tree and didn't stop until they hit the highway.

It was getting dark. The sun has already dipped beneath the horizon. Sleeping Harry was still… well… sleeping senseless on the floor of the room as shadows crept over his countenance. Slowly, the cellar door to the other side of the room creaked open and a vampire stepped out (he had been living in the cellar in exchange for keeping the house free of rodents). He was wearing a black cape over an evening suit. His skin was deathly pale and his black hair was slicked back with too much gel. He walked to the middle of the room, then raised both his arms in a theatrical gesture. "I am Vlad Dracula, ze pwince of ze darknezz!" he announced to the night.

He raised his aquiline nose into the air and sniffed. "Fee Fie Fo Fum! I can smell ze blood of an Eengleesh mann!" he turned from side to side, sniffing the air like a bloodhound. Then he located the source of scent: the appetising fragrance was coming from the little boy lying in the corner of the room. "Ha! Leetel boy! You vill be my suppa!" he let out a fiendish cackle and scuttled over to Harry, both claw-like hands raised above his head, his eyes intent on the sleeper.

In his haste, he didn't look where he was going. One foot got caught up in the knitting basket one of the vertically challenged halfling strippers had knocked down. He lost his balance, and was propelled through the air towards Harry. He landed smack on top of the sleeping boy, and their mouths touched. In an instant, Harry's eyelids fluttered open. He exclaimed, "Man! Your breath stinks!"

Their eyes met. Sparks flew. In a flash, they realised that the other man is obviously the soul mate they have been looking for. It was obvious they were meant for each other. Why? Because this is a bloody fairy tale! Divorce is unheard of in fairy tales. So is election, but that's another story. So, anyway, Dracula looked past those thick lenses and realised in an instant that this is the one he had been waiting for all his life… or unlife, the one he wanted to spend the rest of eternity (literally speaking) with. "Oh, my dearest 'arry! I vant to spendt ze rest of my undeaz wiz you!" The vampire exclaimed, grabbing the boy's hands in his own.

"Oh Vlad! I want to share an eternity with you!" Harry replied.

"Oh, Harry. My love!"

"Oh, Vlad! My darling!"

"Oh, Harry!"

"Oh Vlad!"

"Oh, Harry!"

"Oh, Vlad!"

"Oh Harry!"

"Vlad?"

"Yez, Harry?"

"Don't you have anything else to say?"

"Heh? Oh… sorry… Now my dearest… zees von't hurt much…" He sank his fangs into the boy's neck. Harry emitted a little sigh as his lifeblood was drawn away from him.

The moon was full and flaming in the velvety midnight sky. Two bats could be seen flying along side each other, like two black shadows against its brilliance, and if you look close enough, you would notice that one of them was wearing glasses.

So Little Red Riding Harry Potter and his dark prince flew off to live together happily ever after.

So that's the story, done. And like any good story it has a moral to it. But since this is a very good story, there are a few:

Never leave your house in boxers Never get in a car with stranger – you never know if the driver might be a brainless speeding freak! Always fasten your seatbelts Don't try the M&M's tossing trick whilst you are driving Always lock your door to keep out any half-witted relatives of yours getting in and hexing themselves on your cursed spinning wheel Warning signs are there for a purpose. Read them first Never leave me alone with a computer and no internet connection on a boring rainy afternoon

That's it kids! Hope you enjoyed the show. Now excuse me while I can still escape with my life!

::disappears::