Title: With You
Authoress: Honey B
Email: Honey_b80@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: R
Disclaimer: i don't own FF8 or Linkin Park :(
Pairing: Zell/Selphie
Summary: Set after Rinoa's, Zell contemplates what he's feeling about Selphie and Irvine's intrusion into the picture.
A/N: I love Lp! So i just thought, let's do a songfic to a song of theirs!! I haven't got a clue on the story i'm going to write, nor the song but i'm just gonna type as i go, kinda like written improvisation!! Ah! Just had a thought! I'll do it to 'With You'!! :D Forgive me if i got a bit of the order mixed up, i haven't played FF8 for AGES (understatement) and i've kinda changed it a bit:
I can't remember whether you save Rinoa from Sorceress' Memorial before or after Bahemut/Eden, but i'm assuming after. If that's wrong then this is slightly off the story to fit MY story!!
****
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/ slow to react
Even though you're so close to me/ You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
*****
His first thought was that it was incredibly foggy where he was, wherever he was. Squinting into the distance he could make out the shape of mountains, their sihouette, surrounded by mist, giving an eerie feeling to the landscape he could make out. Turning his head from side to side, he noticed that he was indeed surrounded by mountains. He frowned. He didn't like not knowing where he was, he could sense the presence of the many monsters, roaming. His eyes narrowed and he lowered himself into a fighting position. There was something walking towards him. The shape came closer and he made out the shape of a person, a woman judging from the curves he could see.
He sucked in air and his eyes widened as he realised what he was seeing. The woman, wearing nothing but leather, holding a whip was walking very seductively towards him. His breathing quickened, unsure of whether to run or not when she reached him. Her face very slightly blurred, she leaned up to kiss him, tracing his lips with her tongue. He stood there, rock solid. He could feel his face getting very hot. The next thing he knew he was on the ground and a soft voice saying,
"Let's play."
He grinned suddenly, and tried to get back up when a booted foot came down on his back. A tutting sound followed. When he looked up, he nearly had a heart attack, the woman was slowly stripping. The strap falling down and she swayed to music only she could hear. She was about to remove her top to show her breasts, anticipation in his gut when -
"ZELL! FOR GODS SAKE! GET UP!"
*-*-*
Zell awoke with a start. He took a deep breath as he remembered what he was dreaming about. Above him was Quistis, hands on hips, her whip by her side. Zell shuddered, remembering the girl, the whip, the strip tease. He sat up and looked up sharply when he heard Quistis snort and then chuckle. He followed her direction of gaze and he ended up looking at his lap where his duvet had formed a slight tent. He flushed and yelled,
"-! QUISTIS! GET OUT!!!"
She chuckled some more, and winked at him before turning around, leaving Zell to himself. He let out a breath, and felt his erection begin to recede. Glancing around at his single room at Balamb Garden he sighed and ran a hand threw his hair and rubbed his eyes. Gods, how was he going to face the day now? Hauling himself out of bed, he yelled in shock and the ice cold sensation that met his feet. As he headed to the shower, intent on having one at the coldest possible setting, he muttered,
"Stupid Squall and his stupid set backs on central heating."
He made it to his bathroom, and had his shower, revelling in the cold and as his 'problem' went and he was no longer hot, yelling expletives at the top of his lungs. He got out shivering and rueing the day someone created wet dreams he stared into his mirror, shocked at the dazed expression that seemed to be permanent. Even if he furrowed his eyebrows or pulled his eyes apart. He grinned madly suddenly and grabbed his toothpaste and brush and proceeded to clean his teeth. When he finished, he got out his shaving kit and then covered his jaw in the cream. Looking around in the corner of his to check noone was watching, though how they could as it was *his* bathroom was lost on him, he sang The SeeD Song*, very loudly and very out of tune.
"We WILL CONQUER AND WE WILL WIN .. and we will .... something at every.....thing.. doo, dem dum.."
When he finished he ran a hand over his chin and then winked at his reflection.
"You are one hot dude!!"
Running into his bedroom again, he checked the clock seeing it as nine thirty, he swore again and threw on his closest clothes, spending only two seconds to make sure they didn't smell. Sprinting out the door, slamming it shut, he sped down the hallway to the cafeteria, praying that there might be just one tiny weeny hot dog left. Bursting through the door, he skidded to a halt next to the counter only to met with the solemn expression of Dawn, one of the Cooks.
"Oh, Zell. You just missed the last one."
OH GOD WHY?! ..."Can't you just whip me up one now?"
"Now, Zell, you know the rules. No food made after nine thirty."
This just is NOT my day. "Oh cr-.. i mean darn," he cowered under Dawn's stare, "Well, i guess i'll be seeing you."
He got ready to run over to the Training Centre to get rid of some pent up energy when he heard a voice call to him,
"ZELL! ZEE-EEE-LLLLLLL!!"
He groaned. No, Hyne, no! Not her, not this early and without hotdogs. He grimiced and turned around. Selphie waving madly at him, beckoned him to go over to her. When he didn't move, she picked up her tray and headed over towards him. Zell stared, a faint memory of seeing this happening before making itself known. He dismissed the feeling as she reached him, her 100watt smile on show. He noticed that she had very bright eyes when she was happy.
"You can have my hot dog if you want .. Irvine says i eat to much anyway.."
Bastard, Zell thought, Irvine was such a pussy. He grinned when he imagined himself clonking him one on his perfect nose .. while he was standing on top of Seifer's unconcious body. Yeah, that'd be great. Smirking and nodding his head to his fantasy he didn't notice Selpie talking to him until she yelled in his ear,
"ZEEELLL! Will you LISTEN to ME?!"
Shaking his head to try and get rid of the ringing he muttered, "Yes, alright, just pipe down a minute, ok?"
Selphie's mouth opened and an indignant expression took hold of her delicate features. Her mouth then compressed into a tight line and she waited. Zell then tried to get his fantasy back when he was assaulted with his dream this morning. The beautiful dominatrix, seductively swinging to her own beat. He glanced at Selphie and noticed that she was pulling the strap of her yellow dress up and down. The memory of her walking towards him earlier and his dream person, walking. The slightly blurred face, but the hair. He could remember the hair. The bob that Selphie had. Oh SHIT! Not that whiney, whingey BRAT! But as he stared at her, he noticed the fullness of her mouth, the lush eyes, so bright and windows to her soul. The curves the dress produced, and the smile, full of promise. He blinked and wondered how he missed it.
"Zell..? Why are you staring at me?"
Snapped back to reality he ground out, "i'm not, i'm just thinking, ok?"
"Yea, jeez! Don't get so worked up!" She looked at her hands and looked back up at Zell, a sad expression on her face, which Zell thought was incredibly sexy. "I'm sorry, Zell. Your hot dog is cold."
Hot dog? Why do i care about a hot dog, when i have you in front of me? "..."
She giggled, and Zell compared it to musical bells. "Silly! When did you turn into Squall..?"
"I didn't and haven't. I was just ... oh, nevermind. Don't worry about the hot dog."
"Sure? Oh well, i'll give it to Irvine!! ..Zell, what's wrong? You look like you're about to murder someone.."
Not someone ... Irvine. "Tummy ache ... hunger ..." Oh Hyne, i've got to get away.
"Ohh, do you want me to get Doctor Kad.."
Her voice was drowned out by the beating between his ears. His slight advantage of height, when he looked down made it possible for him to look down her top. He looked away quickly. Pervert!! He admonished himself, what the hell are you playing at? Dimly, he was aware that he was refusing help of Selphie and telling her to go away. He watched her face contort with pain before anouncing she was leaving anyway to find Irvine.
As he watched her turn and strut haughtily down and out of the Cafeteria, he kept his eyes on her bottom until she was out of sight. He looked down and sighed. Looks like i'll need another shower.
****
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
****
Zell awoke with a start, sweat producing a sheen over his face and body. What had started out as one of his usual dreams about fighting had turned into a very steamy interlude in the changing rooms with Miss Tilmitt. He rubbed his face and winced. His erection was extremely painful and it seemed that either he had to jerk himself off or have a cold shower. As he thought about his dream and the thong and lacy bra that Selphie had been wearing, he acknowledged that the former idea was better than the shower.
After he had finished, he checked the clock - 6:33am. Good enough a time to get up and go for a quick training session. In five days time, Squall was coming back for him to go and face the Ultima Weapon after he, Rinoa and Quistis had got Bahemut, which they had left to go and conquer late yesterday afternoon. Squall had been adamant that Zell should be in tip-top shape as Ultima Weapon was one of the strongest monsters in the world. Slinging on his training gear, Zell ran to the start. Double checking he had enough Cura/Curaga, Firaga etc and some elixars and that Ifrit was feeling ok, he went in.
After walking about five steps he was accosted by a t-rexaur. He grinned and felt the boost of adreneline that always came with fighting an opponent that was bigger than him, alone. He slammed his fists together and yelled,
"Get READY, MR.T, cuz you are OUTTA HERE!!!"
He leapt up and punched the monsters nose and followed it with a roundhouse kick. The Rexaur ran at him and snapped his jaws but Zell dodged while slamming a fist into his huge belly and side kicking there immediately afterwards. The monster stumbled and gave a roar or anger. Zell called upon Ifrit, and when he came felt the peace that swept through him as he boosted his GF and defeated the monster.
"HI-YA!!"
Swinging around a tree nearby, Zell celebrated his level up to level 63. He sighed in bliss, and congratulated Ifrit on his level up too. He managed to get through the next section without attack when he made it to the Secret Area. Zell had brought Mylene, the Library Girl, here once - only to be dumped. He could remember the heart break he had felt. The only way he had got over it was by concentrating on his efforts to defeat Edea/Ultimicia. He sighed, this time in melancholy, thinking that now he was lusting after a girl who was already taken. Girlfriend to the smarmiest and most unfaithful bloke he had ever encountered. She didn't deserve someone like him. In fact, Zell wasn't even sure if Selphie deserved himself, considering the way he had been watching her lately. It all seemed quite perverse to him.
He heard a giggle come inside the area, and curiousity outweighed any other emotion and he crept steathily into the little alleyway leading to it. What he saw broke his heart once again. Tears built up in the corners of his eyes as he watched the woman that he felt so much for give herself to the playboy of Balamb and Galabadia, up against a wall. He swallowed hard and backed away. A wall, for crying out loud. How? It was the worst thing that Zell could consider doing it against. He remembered his romantic dreams about Selphie, comparing them to what he had just witnessed. Oh God, he thought in despair, i think i'm going to throw up.
Stumbling out of the training centre, he felt the dampness on his cheeks. He hadn't even been aware that he had been crying, all he cared about was getting to his room in time, before he made an even bigger fool of himself, by collapsing and bawling on the floor. He couldn't remember when he had lost some of his happy go lucky self, but now that he thought about it, it was right about the time he discovered he was ... in love with Selphie. That he was in love with someone going out with a slug, giving herself to a creep. Oh Hyne, he cried in his mind, why me? First my parents, then Mylene and now Selphie. Why won't anyone love me but they have to leave me? He suddenly felt that he wanted the warmth and comfort of his adoptive parents, Ma Dincht in particular. Her cuddles and her words always made a grey day, bright for him.
He made it to his bedroom and sat down on his bed. Selphie had no idea of the feelings that he felt for her. She assumed he still found her slightly annoying but a friend. How could he explain the magnitude of his feelings. Placing his head on his pillow, he willed for a dreamless sleep, but all he could see was Selphie laughing, Selphie crying, Selphie up against a wall....
****
You/ now I see/ keeping everything inside
with you/ You, Now I see/ Even when I close my eyes
****
It was all Zell could do to hide his frustration, his depression and his eagerness to get away from Selphie and Him. Zell, like a child, refused to call Irvine by his name, but refered to him as Him, He or It. See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. He avoided Irvine and Selphie like the plague, and whenever Irvine came into the room, with or without Selphie, his intense bitterness and jealousy which almost suffocated Zell, made him leave the room like a dog with his tail on fire.
He became withdrawn and quite depressed. He was aware of the fact that everyone was talking about him and wondering why he was so unlike himself lately. He was snappy, he didn't eat much, he rarely went out and when he did he went to the top deck to just sit by himself and watch Xu pilot Garden in Squall's absence.
Two days before he was to go with Squall and Rinoa to the Deep Sea Research Facility and two days after the 'Incident' as he dubbed it, Zell walked in on something, again, but this time it sparked a shred of hope inside him. It was Him with Mylene, quite oblvious to Zell's presence. That, however, was not it. The reason why they were completely unaware to his presence was the fact that they were quite engrossed in each other - having a quickie - against a wall.
Zell, struck dumb by the fact that Mylene and Selphie's soon-to-be-ex-when-he-told-her-his-findings had no consideration what they were doing to Selphie and her feelings. When she found out, and she *was*going to find out she would be devastated. It was going to hurt Zell to see Selphie in pain but she would be free and he could make his move. He had been wallowing in pain for a few days but that was not how long he had loved her. Probably since he first saw her, sprawled on the floor, winking with her tongue out at him, there to deliver a message like an Angel.
He turned and ran out of the room he had walked into, not caring whether any noise he made disturbed the lovers, Zell headed for the Quad. He didn't have a clue where Selphie was, but he was going to find her and he was going to *MAKE* her see what a bitch Irvine was. He ran and ran, cramps and stitches burning in his sides, sweat beading on his face but a grim expression set on his face, mixed with the determination to get Selphie. He would do anything to get her.
****
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real
I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react
So even though you're close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
****
He found her making paper chains to cover the Quad for next years Garden Festival. He grabbed her shoulders and hauled her up to her feet. She stumbled but managed to regain her equilibrium after a second. She stared a Zell with an angry expression,
"Zell - what? You've made me ruin that chain now.. it took me ages-"
Zell shook her slighly, then he spoke with an urgency that frigtened Selphie, not to mentioned the crazed look that was lurking in the back of his eyes.
"Selphie! Oh my God, I'm so sorry ..."
"Sorry? For what?"
"For Irvine." That bastard.
"What about Irvine? .. Zell, let go of me, you're hurting me."
"NO! I can't, you must listen to me! I saw him Selphie! I *saw* him! He was doing it with her. Against a wall.."
"Wha-? Zell, are you ok?"
"SELPHIE! Listen to me!! Please! I saw Irvine banging Mylene up against a wall, in second floor classroom." Please believe me, please. Please.
Selphie looked extremely shocked, then her brows narrowed. Then she slapped Zell. He reeled from the blow, surprised that she would do such a thing. He looked at her, noticed how her eyes darkened with anger, and strangely, he began to feel incredibly turned on. Snap out of it! He screamed mentally, this is not the time nor the place!!
"You pig-headed bastard. How DARE you come in here and say that to me?! Irvine would never do that to me!! He loves me! HE LOVES ME!"
"Selphie, i saw you the other day, with him, in the Secret Area. You can't say that that was the way you consider making love to the person that you love? I mean, i just caught him at it aga-"
"DON'T SAY THAT! He wouldn't, not to me...not again." She said the last bit so quietly that Zell didn't almost catch it. Seeing her eyes fill with tears, her mouth pout, an expression of utter pain on her pretty face was too much for Zell.
"Oh hell..."
He pulled her roughly against him, revelling in her soft curves against his body. She turned her head into his shoulder and he took a quick smell of her hair. Strawberries. He closed his eyes and enjoyed his moment with his love, in his arms. He spoke to her gently,
"C'mon, let's get you to your room."
She followed him without resistance. There was no sign of Irvine and for that Zell was grateful. When he reached her dormitory, she tapped in the code, which Zell made a mental note of - 8-S-Z-9-2. Wow, he thought, it had both S for Selphie and Z for Zell in there ... or is that just wishful thinking? Still, it seemed familiar somehow, but he forgot about it when Selphie all but fell over into her room.
She walked in, in a dreamlike state, unsure of what to believe. Zell was standing there with an earnest expression on his face, mingled with some shock and Irvine had been unfaithful to her before. He had sworn before she had given herself to him that he was putting the past ways behind him to be with Selphie but she hadn't seen him for days, and he was always surrounded by girls. Was it possible..?
Zell stared at her, watching her mind come to grips with what he said. He saw her hands swing to her sides and her strap fall off her shoulder. He took a deep breath and walked towards her. He grabbed her chin in his hand and then crushed her mouth to his. He poured all of his pent up emotion into the kiss, praying she would respond. He groaned aloud when her hands wrapped around his neck and her tongue began to stroke his lips, just like in his dream. His eyes opened when he felt one of her hands trail down his back to his lower back and then very close to his front. His eyes then slide shut and he pushed his tongue into her mouth.
He pushed her backwards, towards her bed and away from the wall, not ending the kiss. He laid her gently down on the bed and then pulled back to take off his shirt. He then lifted up her dress, pushing it past her waist, watching her face, seeing her half closed eyes, her dilated pupils. Her pushed the dress up, past her breasts and over her head. He took in a deep breath when he saw that she was wearing a thong - like another of his dreams. He was surprised then by her forcefulness as she yanked his head down to kiss him. He then slid his hands down her sides and carefully touchedher breasts. Spurred on by her moan of appreciation, he then went on to show her the most romantic way he knew of to make love to a woman.
****
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
****
Zell awoke to the feeling of a warm body lifting away from his side. He rolled over and saw Selphie, with a sheet wrapped around her, staring out of the window at the moon and stars. He sat up and she didn't turn. Instead, she continued looking out of the window, as though he wasn't there. He sat up straighter and noticed the tears in her eyes and the silver tracks that others had followed down her cheeks. Suddenly, he felt afraid, deathly afraid.
"Selphie?"
She made no motion to show him that she had heard him at all, not even a flicker of an eyelid. There was a moment or two of uncomfortable silence before she spoke, surprising Zell out of the silence he had lapsed into.
"I'm a whore."
If it were possible, Zell's mouth would have hit the ground.
"What? No, god damnit, no you're not!"
"Yes. Yes i am. I'm a slut, i have a boyfriend, and i just did what he has done before. I always prided myself on my faithfullness, my loyalty. Where is it now?"
Zell swallowed, he could see the utopia he had planned drift away from him, burning. He was unable to stop the barrage of words that came pouring out of his mouth.
"You're not a whore! If anyone around here is a whore .. it's Irvine! I saw him, Selphie. With my own eyes! And you know i don't lie."
"Yes! But that didn't stop you from making love to me!! Good God, in some places that can be considered RAPE!"
Zell staggered backwards, is that how she see's me? Some rapist or sex maniac? "I didn't - it just happened."
"Oh yes. You accidentally fell on top of me!!"
"Well! I seem to remember you quite happy with getting me off! Nice trick Irvine gave you there!!"
Selphie rocked back on her heels, with a stunned and hurt expression on her face. Oh my god, Zell thought, i've blown it. I've just thrown away the only person i've ever loved with my entire heart. I was never afraid she was going to leave me like everyone else .. because i never had her.
Selphie stormed up to him and pushed him off the bed and then slammed her foot into Zell's crotch. Zell groaned in pain and rolled onto his side, his heart being torn into pieces by the acidified words that Selphie spat at him,
"You bastard! If you EVER come near me again, i swear i will kill you."
The next thing that Zell knew, he was being attacked with a float spell and a Blizzaga and being thrown out of Selphie's dorm. Zell, once over the pain of the ice attack and the kick in the groin, felt the pain of losing Selphie. He groaned and held his stomach, stumbling over to his dormitory. He loved Selphie and she hated him.
****
(You) now I see, keeping everything inside
(with you) You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
(With you) You, now I see, keeping everything inside
(with you) You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
****
The next day, Zell was called up to the bridge to prepare to board Ragnorok to go to The Deep Sea Research Facility. He was glad that he was going away for a few days, he couldn't stand Garden anymore. He had seen Selphie and Irvine twice today and they had snubbed him. He had gotten very little sleep, his dreams riddled with his time with Selphie. He had shadows under his eyes and a sickly pallor. That was the first thing that Squall commented on when he saw Zell. In fact, in terms of Squall, it was very close to asking Zell if he was ok.
"I'm fine, Squall, i'm just very tired."
"Well, you better wake up, we've got a lot to get through. Can you remember everything about machinery?"
"Yes. All of it, but i imagine from what you've described to me, i'm gonna need a bit of thinking as well as knowledge."
"Good. Now, get ready, we're leaving at 1600 hours."
"Yes, sir."
Zell left the office feeling even more depressed than usual. He waved at the usual people, talked amoung some friends but didn't really react to anything. If anything, he felt incredibly numb. Almost like he could do anything and it wouldn't hurt. He found himself standing in front of the Training Centre. Without thinking about it, he walked in. So lost in thought, that he didn't notice the figure that had been following him for a while, slip in at the same time as he did and then hide.
Zell walked along the designated path, not really seeing anything. He just kept on walking. He walked straight into the Secret Area and slid down the wall which seemed to have started so many of his problems. If only he could have kept his emotions better inside him. He closed his eyes and then opened them again when he heard a gun being cocked. He looked up and saw Irvine pointing his gun at him.
"Yes, Irvine?" He asked tiredly.
"I've got a good mind to seriously hurt you for doin' what you did. Squealing to Selphie like that. However, i can see you're hurting enough. In fact, i can see more than you can."
"Maybe that's because i've got my eyes closed.." Came the smart reply. It resulted in a hit round the head with the butt of a gun. Zell opened his eyes and saw stars along with a very sharp pain.
"You love her. I can see it in your eyes. I've seen enough girls in love with me, no surprise, to detect it in anyone. However, i've come to tell you that she's mine and always will be. Learn to live with it."
Irvine turned to walk away. Zell used this oppertunity of vunerability and leapt at him. He smacked him in the back sending Irvine forwards. Irvine whipped around and leveled his sniper between Zell's eyes. He smirked.
"One false move and you're dead ok? One more squeal and i'll get you. Understand?"
Zell nodded slowly before replying, "She'll see you for what you are eventually and believe me, i'll pick up the pieces. Understand?"
Irvine snorted before walking out of the Secret Area. Zell turned around and leaned onto the railings and stared at Garden. He heard some footsteps behind him and without bothering to turn around he said bitterly,
"I know Irvine, you've won, you've got the girl, she loves you and not me. Just piss off will you?"
"Zell! You shouldn't use such language to a lady!!"
"Rinoa.."
"Zell, it's ten minutes past four. You were supposed to be at the top deck."
"Really? Crap! Squall's gonna eat me alive."
Rinoa smiled softly at him, "You know, i think i understand why you're so unlike yourself lately."
"Yea, how?"
"The small outburst that you had before i made myself known. Why don't you tell her, Zell?"
Zell knew what Rinoa was on about so answered, "She said that if i go near her again, she'll kill me. She hates me, Rinoa."
"How can you be so sure?"
"She practically called me a rapist. It wasn't my fault. I find her so beautiful, so superior to me. Always forgiving, always happy. I just couldn't stop myself."
Rinoa smiled wistfully, "I think i understand. However, i think that you really need to see her. Talk to her at least."
"What? So she can chew me up again?"
"She's confused, Zell. You've given her some time but you haven't given yourself any. Find a way to try and communicate your feelings. I mean, men. Why are they so loathe to admit their feelings. It's any girls wish to be swept off their feet by the man that loves them."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes."
"I guess i'll try."
"Good."
"Thank you. Rinoa."
"No problem, but we'd better go. We've got a GF to capture."
****
Six days later, Zell returned with Rinoa and Squall to some surprising news. While they had been away, Selphie had found Irvine sleeping with Mylene and had publicly shamed and dumped him. Then she declared herself celibate and refused to see anybody other than Quistis. Irvine had tried everything to make up with her and then another truth had come out. She had slept with Zell and that he had been better in bed than Irvine could ever hope to be.
This truth had therefore caused Zell to suddenly become extremely popular with the ladies looking for a bit of good loving. Irvine had been renown for being a real stud but if he could be beaten then it would have to be a special kind of person. Unfortunately for Zell, this only made Selphie ignore him more. He had groupies after him and he was never without a female companion and the moment of telling Selphie he loved her was never perfect, or was always ruined.
Three weeks after Zell had caught Mylene and Irvine in their first act together, he had had enough of hiding and was on the point of breaking. He had taken Rinoa's advice and had ripped it to shreds from every angle, finding a flaw in everyway he went about it. Then he found the way to win her heart.
****
Selphie walked into her dormitory after another tiring day of trying to keep up pretences. If truth be told, she was sick of everything. Avoiding Zell, avoiding Irvine, avoiding everyone. She pushed her door shut, and turned around. She frowned when some soft music came floating over towards her, candles were lit around her, flickering with the change of air movement. There were smells of exotic scents from some candles and there were smells of chicken, pasta, tomato coming from her bedroom. Curious as to what was going on, she followed the smell of food, not pausing to take off her shoes or check her mail, like she usually did when she got in.
She entered her bedroom and saw more candles and a meal laid out of her bed. Smiling softly, she wondered if this was Quistis' work, helping her get through her stress. She bounced over to the bed and sat down carefully, so not to spill any food. She picked up her fork and gathered some of the stir fry onto it. She lifted it to her mouth, blew on it and then placed it into her mouth. She savoured the delicious flavours and greedily got another mouthful.
****
Zell watched Selphie attack his meal with delight and hope. She hadn't reacted badly, so he could only assume that this was to her liking. When she had finsihed her meal he stepped out of his hiding place, of the en suite bathroom and walked over to Selphie, who was carefully tidying the meal away onto its tray, onto the bedside table.
"Hello, Selphie."
She jerked and screamed, dropping a plate at the same time. They both lept to grab it and caught it on opposite sides. They stood up straight, never looking away from each others faces. In the candle light, Zell could see the shadows under Selphie's eyes and the hurt look that entered her eyes. She let go of the plate as though it were diseased and hugged herself.
"What do you want, Zell?"
Her words were cold but they didn't put off Zell. He was here on a mission and he never failed a mission.
"I want to tell you something, Selphie." He set down the plate.
"What?" Her voice was curt and crisp. Selphie continued to stare at the ground, trying to forget that Zell was there.
"I love you."
Her head snapped up, her eyes searching his for some evidence of insincerity. Zell carried on speaking,
"I think i've loved you since i met you months ago. It seems so long ago yet it seems to near. I can remember everything about you. I remember you at the orphanage, i remember you as the messenger, i remember you as Selphie."
He licked his lips and Selphie felt her eyes drawn to his mouth. He smirked and her gaze snapped back up to his eyes again. She opened her mouth to speak, but his hand covered it.
"Shh. It's my turn to talk. I don't regret making love to you, i had wanted to for some time. I didn't make up seeing Irvine sleeping with Mylene but i didn't plan to take advantage of you. All i ask of you, is for you to forgive me."
"Forgive you for what?" Her voice was soft, her eyes full of tears.
"For never telling you. I don't expect you to love me back, i only wish for our friendship to be returned to its natural state - unbroken." He took a deep breath and chuckled brokenly.
"What?" She whispered.
"Do you know how hard it is to tell you this, while you are standing there, radiating waves of anger and hurt and disregard."
"I-i'm not, i swear."
"Do ... do you forgive me?"
"Yes."
He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Thank Hyne. I can be going now, i hope you'll talk to m-"
His speech was cut off by Selphie jerking his mouth to hers, pushing her tongue into his mouth. Zell gave a muffled groan and pulled Selphie closer. They broke the kiss after a few minutes and Zell laughed again.
"What was that for?" He asked.
"For loving me. For telling me. It makes this easier to say...that..that"
Zell stared at her hope swelling in his breast.
"Yes." Please - you love me, you love me.
"I am-"
She was interupted by a knock at the door. Her eyes pleaded with him but she left nonetheless and opened the door. She conversed in dulled tones for a minute and Zell crept out of the bedroom to see what was going on when he couldn't hear anything. At the door was Irvine and Selphie and Irvine were hugging. Zell's eyes slid shut and his breathing quickened. He stormed to the door, giving Selphie a malicious look before pushing Irvine out of the way and running to his dorm, hearing Irvine say,
"Well, that's him out of the way then. Let's go inside shall we?"
****
Inside his dormitory, Zell couldn't believe what had happened. Selphie had taken back Irvine. He had bared his soul to her and she had kissed him. Kissed him like a woman possessed by love. He snorted, but she had taken her ex back who had cheated on her. Chosen that slime over someone who would worship the dust beneath her feet.
There was a knock at the door. Zell ignored it. The knock grew insistant, and then Zell became away of someone typing in a code and the door sliding open. Selphie stood in the doorway, her posture saying she was afraid and ready to run. Zell, stared at her, amazed to find that there was still a shred of love, of something inside him for her.
"Come in then. You obviously want to talk to me."
She took a few hesitant steps into his room and the door slid shut. She coughed nervously. Zell looked away and said,
"How'd you get in?"
"I - i know your code, it's the same ... as mine. I changed it.
Zell looked surprised for a second but then thought of Irvine and he bit out,
"Look, i know you've taken him back, but for the love of Hyne tell me why."
"Zell, I-"
"Go on, say it!"
"I haven't!!"
"LIAR! I saw you! I god damn HEARD you!"
"Zell - please, i swear-"
"Ah, yes. You swore before, saying that you were listening to what i was saying. But i don't think you were, were you? I bared my soul before you and you shot it to pieces. Probably with your boyfriends gun."
Selphie didn't smile at that bitter humour.
"Well, are you going to say anything?"
"I just came to tell you something -"
"What?"
"Will you let me FINISH?"
Brat. "Fine, go ahead. Give it your best shot. Let's break Zell's heart again."
"God damnit, Zell. I love you too, ok?"
Zell could only stare, speechless.
"Good, have i got your attention now? Well, I just thought that i should say that i was making up with Irvine because he told me about the conversation you two had. He was sorry for stringing me along but he knew when someone was meant to be together or not. And in this case, i agree with him."
Zell nodded slowly, trying to take in the infomation.
"So, now it's my turn to bear my soul. Will you have me Zell? I've been really awful to you when i should have been trying to keep our friendship from dying, and i'm sorry for that. But i love you, loved you for a long time, but i knew it when you made love to me in the sweetest way. Please, Zell, i'm here if you want me."
Zell stood up and Selphie cowered, waiting to see what her penalty would be. She felt two arms encircle her, and she breathed and a few tears of relief and happiness slid down her cheeks. Zell wiped them away with his thumb and whispered brokenly,
"Don't cry, we'll be fine. We're together. I swear that whatever happens, i'm here for you."
"I swear that also."
He pulled her closely and then laid them both down onto the bed, where they slept in each others arms, sins forgiven and the future waiting. Their destiny settled, they were ready for Ultimicia. They had each other.
****
No, no matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No, no matter how far we've come I
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you
You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
With you
You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
****
And thats the end folks. Please reveiw and tell me what you think. I'm very proud of this, i haven't read to many Zelphies but i had a sudden urge to write one. This is taken from my many dealings with Mills and Boon, god bless those books. Such porn!! : ) Anywho, i'm off now to eat. I've got a crick in my neck, and probably a lot of spelling mistakes in this!! I've checked it, but i've probs missed some.
Zell is slightly out of character but thats what happens when you're in love folks :D
Comments, critisisms? ------------------ REVEIW DUDES!!
Honey B ~()~
Authoress: Honey B
Email: Honey_b80@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: R
Disclaimer: i don't own FF8 or Linkin Park :(
Pairing: Zell/Selphie
Summary: Set after Rinoa's, Zell contemplates what he's feeling about Selphie and Irvine's intrusion into the picture.
A/N: I love Lp! So i just thought, let's do a songfic to a song of theirs!! I haven't got a clue on the story i'm going to write, nor the song but i'm just gonna type as i go, kinda like written improvisation!! Ah! Just had a thought! I'll do it to 'With You'!! :D Forgive me if i got a bit of the order mixed up, i haven't played FF8 for AGES (understatement) and i've kinda changed it a bit:
I can't remember whether you save Rinoa from Sorceress' Memorial before or after Bahemut/Eden, but i'm assuming after. If that's wrong then this is slightly off the story to fit MY story!!
****
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/ slow to react
Even though you're so close to me/ You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
*****
His first thought was that it was incredibly foggy where he was, wherever he was. Squinting into the distance he could make out the shape of mountains, their sihouette, surrounded by mist, giving an eerie feeling to the landscape he could make out. Turning his head from side to side, he noticed that he was indeed surrounded by mountains. He frowned. He didn't like not knowing where he was, he could sense the presence of the many monsters, roaming. His eyes narrowed and he lowered himself into a fighting position. There was something walking towards him. The shape came closer and he made out the shape of a person, a woman judging from the curves he could see.
He sucked in air and his eyes widened as he realised what he was seeing. The woman, wearing nothing but leather, holding a whip was walking very seductively towards him. His breathing quickened, unsure of whether to run or not when she reached him. Her face very slightly blurred, she leaned up to kiss him, tracing his lips with her tongue. He stood there, rock solid. He could feel his face getting very hot. The next thing he knew he was on the ground and a soft voice saying,
"Let's play."
He grinned suddenly, and tried to get back up when a booted foot came down on his back. A tutting sound followed. When he looked up, he nearly had a heart attack, the woman was slowly stripping. The strap falling down and she swayed to music only she could hear. She was about to remove her top to show her breasts, anticipation in his gut when -
"ZELL! FOR GODS SAKE! GET UP!"
*-*-*
Zell awoke with a start. He took a deep breath as he remembered what he was dreaming about. Above him was Quistis, hands on hips, her whip by her side. Zell shuddered, remembering the girl, the whip, the strip tease. He sat up and looked up sharply when he heard Quistis snort and then chuckle. He followed her direction of gaze and he ended up looking at his lap where his duvet had formed a slight tent. He flushed and yelled,
"-! QUISTIS! GET OUT!!!"
She chuckled some more, and winked at him before turning around, leaving Zell to himself. He let out a breath, and felt his erection begin to recede. Glancing around at his single room at Balamb Garden he sighed and ran a hand threw his hair and rubbed his eyes. Gods, how was he going to face the day now? Hauling himself out of bed, he yelled in shock and the ice cold sensation that met his feet. As he headed to the shower, intent on having one at the coldest possible setting, he muttered,
"Stupid Squall and his stupid set backs on central heating."
He made it to his bathroom, and had his shower, revelling in the cold and as his 'problem' went and he was no longer hot, yelling expletives at the top of his lungs. He got out shivering and rueing the day someone created wet dreams he stared into his mirror, shocked at the dazed expression that seemed to be permanent. Even if he furrowed his eyebrows or pulled his eyes apart. He grinned madly suddenly and grabbed his toothpaste and brush and proceeded to clean his teeth. When he finished, he got out his shaving kit and then covered his jaw in the cream. Looking around in the corner of his to check noone was watching, though how they could as it was *his* bathroom was lost on him, he sang The SeeD Song*, very loudly and very out of tune.
"We WILL CONQUER AND WE WILL WIN .. and we will .... something at every.....thing.. doo, dem dum.."
When he finished he ran a hand over his chin and then winked at his reflection.
"You are one hot dude!!"
Running into his bedroom again, he checked the clock seeing it as nine thirty, he swore again and threw on his closest clothes, spending only two seconds to make sure they didn't smell. Sprinting out the door, slamming it shut, he sped down the hallway to the cafeteria, praying that there might be just one tiny weeny hot dog left. Bursting through the door, he skidded to a halt next to the counter only to met with the solemn expression of Dawn, one of the Cooks.
"Oh, Zell. You just missed the last one."
OH GOD WHY?! ..."Can't you just whip me up one now?"
"Now, Zell, you know the rules. No food made after nine thirty."
This just is NOT my day. "Oh cr-.. i mean darn," he cowered under Dawn's stare, "Well, i guess i'll be seeing you."
He got ready to run over to the Training Centre to get rid of some pent up energy when he heard a voice call to him,
"ZELL! ZEE-EEE-LLLLLLL!!"
He groaned. No, Hyne, no! Not her, not this early and without hotdogs. He grimiced and turned around. Selphie waving madly at him, beckoned him to go over to her. When he didn't move, she picked up her tray and headed over towards him. Zell stared, a faint memory of seeing this happening before making itself known. He dismissed the feeling as she reached him, her 100watt smile on show. He noticed that she had very bright eyes when she was happy.
"You can have my hot dog if you want .. Irvine says i eat to much anyway.."
Bastard, Zell thought, Irvine was such a pussy. He grinned when he imagined himself clonking him one on his perfect nose .. while he was standing on top of Seifer's unconcious body. Yeah, that'd be great. Smirking and nodding his head to his fantasy he didn't notice Selpie talking to him until she yelled in his ear,
"ZEEELLL! Will you LISTEN to ME?!"
Shaking his head to try and get rid of the ringing he muttered, "Yes, alright, just pipe down a minute, ok?"
Selphie's mouth opened and an indignant expression took hold of her delicate features. Her mouth then compressed into a tight line and she waited. Zell then tried to get his fantasy back when he was assaulted with his dream this morning. The beautiful dominatrix, seductively swinging to her own beat. He glanced at Selphie and noticed that she was pulling the strap of her yellow dress up and down. The memory of her walking towards him earlier and his dream person, walking. The slightly blurred face, but the hair. He could remember the hair. The bob that Selphie had. Oh SHIT! Not that whiney, whingey BRAT! But as he stared at her, he noticed the fullness of her mouth, the lush eyes, so bright and windows to her soul. The curves the dress produced, and the smile, full of promise. He blinked and wondered how he missed it.
"Zell..? Why are you staring at me?"
Snapped back to reality he ground out, "i'm not, i'm just thinking, ok?"
"Yea, jeez! Don't get so worked up!" She looked at her hands and looked back up at Zell, a sad expression on her face, which Zell thought was incredibly sexy. "I'm sorry, Zell. Your hot dog is cold."
Hot dog? Why do i care about a hot dog, when i have you in front of me? "..."
She giggled, and Zell compared it to musical bells. "Silly! When did you turn into Squall..?"
"I didn't and haven't. I was just ... oh, nevermind. Don't worry about the hot dog."
"Sure? Oh well, i'll give it to Irvine!! ..Zell, what's wrong? You look like you're about to murder someone.."
Not someone ... Irvine. "Tummy ache ... hunger ..." Oh Hyne, i've got to get away.
"Ohh, do you want me to get Doctor Kad.."
Her voice was drowned out by the beating between his ears. His slight advantage of height, when he looked down made it possible for him to look down her top. He looked away quickly. Pervert!! He admonished himself, what the hell are you playing at? Dimly, he was aware that he was refusing help of Selphie and telling her to go away. He watched her face contort with pain before anouncing she was leaving anyway to find Irvine.
As he watched her turn and strut haughtily down and out of the Cafeteria, he kept his eyes on her bottom until she was out of sight. He looked down and sighed. Looks like i'll need another shower.
****
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
****
Zell awoke with a start, sweat producing a sheen over his face and body. What had started out as one of his usual dreams about fighting had turned into a very steamy interlude in the changing rooms with Miss Tilmitt. He rubbed his face and winced. His erection was extremely painful and it seemed that either he had to jerk himself off or have a cold shower. As he thought about his dream and the thong and lacy bra that Selphie had been wearing, he acknowledged that the former idea was better than the shower.
After he had finished, he checked the clock - 6:33am. Good enough a time to get up and go for a quick training session. In five days time, Squall was coming back for him to go and face the Ultima Weapon after he, Rinoa and Quistis had got Bahemut, which they had left to go and conquer late yesterday afternoon. Squall had been adamant that Zell should be in tip-top shape as Ultima Weapon was one of the strongest monsters in the world. Slinging on his training gear, Zell ran to the start. Double checking he had enough Cura/Curaga, Firaga etc and some elixars and that Ifrit was feeling ok, he went in.
After walking about five steps he was accosted by a t-rexaur. He grinned and felt the boost of adreneline that always came with fighting an opponent that was bigger than him, alone. He slammed his fists together and yelled,
"Get READY, MR.T, cuz you are OUTTA HERE!!!"
He leapt up and punched the monsters nose and followed it with a roundhouse kick. The Rexaur ran at him and snapped his jaws but Zell dodged while slamming a fist into his huge belly and side kicking there immediately afterwards. The monster stumbled and gave a roar or anger. Zell called upon Ifrit, and when he came felt the peace that swept through him as he boosted his GF and defeated the monster.
"HI-YA!!"
Swinging around a tree nearby, Zell celebrated his level up to level 63. He sighed in bliss, and congratulated Ifrit on his level up too. He managed to get through the next section without attack when he made it to the Secret Area. Zell had brought Mylene, the Library Girl, here once - only to be dumped. He could remember the heart break he had felt. The only way he had got over it was by concentrating on his efforts to defeat Edea/Ultimicia. He sighed, this time in melancholy, thinking that now he was lusting after a girl who was already taken. Girlfriend to the smarmiest and most unfaithful bloke he had ever encountered. She didn't deserve someone like him. In fact, Zell wasn't even sure if Selphie deserved himself, considering the way he had been watching her lately. It all seemed quite perverse to him.
He heard a giggle come inside the area, and curiousity outweighed any other emotion and he crept steathily into the little alleyway leading to it. What he saw broke his heart once again. Tears built up in the corners of his eyes as he watched the woman that he felt so much for give herself to the playboy of Balamb and Galabadia, up against a wall. He swallowed hard and backed away. A wall, for crying out loud. How? It was the worst thing that Zell could consider doing it against. He remembered his romantic dreams about Selphie, comparing them to what he had just witnessed. Oh God, he thought in despair, i think i'm going to throw up.
Stumbling out of the training centre, he felt the dampness on his cheeks. He hadn't even been aware that he had been crying, all he cared about was getting to his room in time, before he made an even bigger fool of himself, by collapsing and bawling on the floor. He couldn't remember when he had lost some of his happy go lucky self, but now that he thought about it, it was right about the time he discovered he was ... in love with Selphie. That he was in love with someone going out with a slug, giving herself to a creep. Oh Hyne, he cried in his mind, why me? First my parents, then Mylene and now Selphie. Why won't anyone love me but they have to leave me? He suddenly felt that he wanted the warmth and comfort of his adoptive parents, Ma Dincht in particular. Her cuddles and her words always made a grey day, bright for him.
He made it to his bedroom and sat down on his bed. Selphie had no idea of the feelings that he felt for her. She assumed he still found her slightly annoying but a friend. How could he explain the magnitude of his feelings. Placing his head on his pillow, he willed for a dreamless sleep, but all he could see was Selphie laughing, Selphie crying, Selphie up against a wall....
****
You/ now I see/ keeping everything inside
with you/ You, Now I see/ Even when I close my eyes
****
It was all Zell could do to hide his frustration, his depression and his eagerness to get away from Selphie and Him. Zell, like a child, refused to call Irvine by his name, but refered to him as Him, He or It. See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. He avoided Irvine and Selphie like the plague, and whenever Irvine came into the room, with or without Selphie, his intense bitterness and jealousy which almost suffocated Zell, made him leave the room like a dog with his tail on fire.
He became withdrawn and quite depressed. He was aware of the fact that everyone was talking about him and wondering why he was so unlike himself lately. He was snappy, he didn't eat much, he rarely went out and when he did he went to the top deck to just sit by himself and watch Xu pilot Garden in Squall's absence.
Two days before he was to go with Squall and Rinoa to the Deep Sea Research Facility and two days after the 'Incident' as he dubbed it, Zell walked in on something, again, but this time it sparked a shred of hope inside him. It was Him with Mylene, quite oblvious to Zell's presence. That, however, was not it. The reason why they were completely unaware to his presence was the fact that they were quite engrossed in each other - having a quickie - against a wall.
Zell, struck dumb by the fact that Mylene and Selphie's soon-to-be-ex-when-he-told-her-his-findings had no consideration what they were doing to Selphie and her feelings. When she found out, and she *was*going to find out she would be devastated. It was going to hurt Zell to see Selphie in pain but she would be free and he could make his move. He had been wallowing in pain for a few days but that was not how long he had loved her. Probably since he first saw her, sprawled on the floor, winking with her tongue out at him, there to deliver a message like an Angel.
He turned and ran out of the room he had walked into, not caring whether any noise he made disturbed the lovers, Zell headed for the Quad. He didn't have a clue where Selphie was, but he was going to find her and he was going to *MAKE* her see what a bitch Irvine was. He ran and ran, cramps and stitches burning in his sides, sweat beading on his face but a grim expression set on his face, mixed with the determination to get Selphie. He would do anything to get her.
****
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real
I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react
So even though you're close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
****
He found her making paper chains to cover the Quad for next years Garden Festival. He grabbed her shoulders and hauled her up to her feet. She stumbled but managed to regain her equilibrium after a second. She stared a Zell with an angry expression,
"Zell - what? You've made me ruin that chain now.. it took me ages-"
Zell shook her slighly, then he spoke with an urgency that frigtened Selphie, not to mentioned the crazed look that was lurking in the back of his eyes.
"Selphie! Oh my God, I'm so sorry ..."
"Sorry? For what?"
"For Irvine." That bastard.
"What about Irvine? .. Zell, let go of me, you're hurting me."
"NO! I can't, you must listen to me! I saw him Selphie! I *saw* him! He was doing it with her. Against a wall.."
"Wha-? Zell, are you ok?"
"SELPHIE! Listen to me!! Please! I saw Irvine banging Mylene up against a wall, in second floor classroom." Please believe me, please. Please.
Selphie looked extremely shocked, then her brows narrowed. Then she slapped Zell. He reeled from the blow, surprised that she would do such a thing. He looked at her, noticed how her eyes darkened with anger, and strangely, he began to feel incredibly turned on. Snap out of it! He screamed mentally, this is not the time nor the place!!
"You pig-headed bastard. How DARE you come in here and say that to me?! Irvine would never do that to me!! He loves me! HE LOVES ME!"
"Selphie, i saw you the other day, with him, in the Secret Area. You can't say that that was the way you consider making love to the person that you love? I mean, i just caught him at it aga-"
"DON'T SAY THAT! He wouldn't, not to me...not again." She said the last bit so quietly that Zell didn't almost catch it. Seeing her eyes fill with tears, her mouth pout, an expression of utter pain on her pretty face was too much for Zell.
"Oh hell..."
He pulled her roughly against him, revelling in her soft curves against his body. She turned her head into his shoulder and he took a quick smell of her hair. Strawberries. He closed his eyes and enjoyed his moment with his love, in his arms. He spoke to her gently,
"C'mon, let's get you to your room."
She followed him without resistance. There was no sign of Irvine and for that Zell was grateful. When he reached her dormitory, she tapped in the code, which Zell made a mental note of - 8-S-Z-9-2. Wow, he thought, it had both S for Selphie and Z for Zell in there ... or is that just wishful thinking? Still, it seemed familiar somehow, but he forgot about it when Selphie all but fell over into her room.
She walked in, in a dreamlike state, unsure of what to believe. Zell was standing there with an earnest expression on his face, mingled with some shock and Irvine had been unfaithful to her before. He had sworn before she had given herself to him that he was putting the past ways behind him to be with Selphie but she hadn't seen him for days, and he was always surrounded by girls. Was it possible..?
Zell stared at her, watching her mind come to grips with what he said. He saw her hands swing to her sides and her strap fall off her shoulder. He took a deep breath and walked towards her. He grabbed her chin in his hand and then crushed her mouth to his. He poured all of his pent up emotion into the kiss, praying she would respond. He groaned aloud when her hands wrapped around his neck and her tongue began to stroke his lips, just like in his dream. His eyes opened when he felt one of her hands trail down his back to his lower back and then very close to his front. His eyes then slide shut and he pushed his tongue into her mouth.
He pushed her backwards, towards her bed and away from the wall, not ending the kiss. He laid her gently down on the bed and then pulled back to take off his shirt. He then lifted up her dress, pushing it past her waist, watching her face, seeing her half closed eyes, her dilated pupils. Her pushed the dress up, past her breasts and over her head. He took in a deep breath when he saw that she was wearing a thong - like another of his dreams. He was surprised then by her forcefulness as she yanked his head down to kiss him. He then slid his hands down her sides and carefully touchedher breasts. Spurred on by her moan of appreciation, he then went on to show her the most romantic way he knew of to make love to a woman.
****
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
****
Zell awoke to the feeling of a warm body lifting away from his side. He rolled over and saw Selphie, with a sheet wrapped around her, staring out of the window at the moon and stars. He sat up and she didn't turn. Instead, she continued looking out of the window, as though he wasn't there. He sat up straighter and noticed the tears in her eyes and the silver tracks that others had followed down her cheeks. Suddenly, he felt afraid, deathly afraid.
"Selphie?"
She made no motion to show him that she had heard him at all, not even a flicker of an eyelid. There was a moment or two of uncomfortable silence before she spoke, surprising Zell out of the silence he had lapsed into.
"I'm a whore."
If it were possible, Zell's mouth would have hit the ground.
"What? No, god damnit, no you're not!"
"Yes. Yes i am. I'm a slut, i have a boyfriend, and i just did what he has done before. I always prided myself on my faithfullness, my loyalty. Where is it now?"
Zell swallowed, he could see the utopia he had planned drift away from him, burning. He was unable to stop the barrage of words that came pouring out of his mouth.
"You're not a whore! If anyone around here is a whore .. it's Irvine! I saw him, Selphie. With my own eyes! And you know i don't lie."
"Yes! But that didn't stop you from making love to me!! Good God, in some places that can be considered RAPE!"
Zell staggered backwards, is that how she see's me? Some rapist or sex maniac? "I didn't - it just happened."
"Oh yes. You accidentally fell on top of me!!"
"Well! I seem to remember you quite happy with getting me off! Nice trick Irvine gave you there!!"
Selphie rocked back on her heels, with a stunned and hurt expression on her face. Oh my god, Zell thought, i've blown it. I've just thrown away the only person i've ever loved with my entire heart. I was never afraid she was going to leave me like everyone else .. because i never had her.
Selphie stormed up to him and pushed him off the bed and then slammed her foot into Zell's crotch. Zell groaned in pain and rolled onto his side, his heart being torn into pieces by the acidified words that Selphie spat at him,
"You bastard! If you EVER come near me again, i swear i will kill you."
The next thing that Zell knew, he was being attacked with a float spell and a Blizzaga and being thrown out of Selphie's dorm. Zell, once over the pain of the ice attack and the kick in the groin, felt the pain of losing Selphie. He groaned and held his stomach, stumbling over to his dormitory. He loved Selphie and she hated him.
****
(You) now I see, keeping everything inside
(with you) You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
(With you) You, now I see, keeping everything inside
(with you) You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
****
The next day, Zell was called up to the bridge to prepare to board Ragnorok to go to The Deep Sea Research Facility. He was glad that he was going away for a few days, he couldn't stand Garden anymore. He had seen Selphie and Irvine twice today and they had snubbed him. He had gotten very little sleep, his dreams riddled with his time with Selphie. He had shadows under his eyes and a sickly pallor. That was the first thing that Squall commented on when he saw Zell. In fact, in terms of Squall, it was very close to asking Zell if he was ok.
"I'm fine, Squall, i'm just very tired."
"Well, you better wake up, we've got a lot to get through. Can you remember everything about machinery?"
"Yes. All of it, but i imagine from what you've described to me, i'm gonna need a bit of thinking as well as knowledge."
"Good. Now, get ready, we're leaving at 1600 hours."
"Yes, sir."
Zell left the office feeling even more depressed than usual. He waved at the usual people, talked amoung some friends but didn't really react to anything. If anything, he felt incredibly numb. Almost like he could do anything and it wouldn't hurt. He found himself standing in front of the Training Centre. Without thinking about it, he walked in. So lost in thought, that he didn't notice the figure that had been following him for a while, slip in at the same time as he did and then hide.
Zell walked along the designated path, not really seeing anything. He just kept on walking. He walked straight into the Secret Area and slid down the wall which seemed to have started so many of his problems. If only he could have kept his emotions better inside him. He closed his eyes and then opened them again when he heard a gun being cocked. He looked up and saw Irvine pointing his gun at him.
"Yes, Irvine?" He asked tiredly.
"I've got a good mind to seriously hurt you for doin' what you did. Squealing to Selphie like that. However, i can see you're hurting enough. In fact, i can see more than you can."
"Maybe that's because i've got my eyes closed.." Came the smart reply. It resulted in a hit round the head with the butt of a gun. Zell opened his eyes and saw stars along with a very sharp pain.
"You love her. I can see it in your eyes. I've seen enough girls in love with me, no surprise, to detect it in anyone. However, i've come to tell you that she's mine and always will be. Learn to live with it."
Irvine turned to walk away. Zell used this oppertunity of vunerability and leapt at him. He smacked him in the back sending Irvine forwards. Irvine whipped around and leveled his sniper between Zell's eyes. He smirked.
"One false move and you're dead ok? One more squeal and i'll get you. Understand?"
Zell nodded slowly before replying, "She'll see you for what you are eventually and believe me, i'll pick up the pieces. Understand?"
Irvine snorted before walking out of the Secret Area. Zell turned around and leaned onto the railings and stared at Garden. He heard some footsteps behind him and without bothering to turn around he said bitterly,
"I know Irvine, you've won, you've got the girl, she loves you and not me. Just piss off will you?"
"Zell! You shouldn't use such language to a lady!!"
"Rinoa.."
"Zell, it's ten minutes past four. You were supposed to be at the top deck."
"Really? Crap! Squall's gonna eat me alive."
Rinoa smiled softly at him, "You know, i think i understand why you're so unlike yourself lately."
"Yea, how?"
"The small outburst that you had before i made myself known. Why don't you tell her, Zell?"
Zell knew what Rinoa was on about so answered, "She said that if i go near her again, she'll kill me. She hates me, Rinoa."
"How can you be so sure?"
"She practically called me a rapist. It wasn't my fault. I find her so beautiful, so superior to me. Always forgiving, always happy. I just couldn't stop myself."
Rinoa smiled wistfully, "I think i understand. However, i think that you really need to see her. Talk to her at least."
"What? So she can chew me up again?"
"She's confused, Zell. You've given her some time but you haven't given yourself any. Find a way to try and communicate your feelings. I mean, men. Why are they so loathe to admit their feelings. It's any girls wish to be swept off their feet by the man that loves them."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes."
"I guess i'll try."
"Good."
"Thank you. Rinoa."
"No problem, but we'd better go. We've got a GF to capture."
****
Six days later, Zell returned with Rinoa and Squall to some surprising news. While they had been away, Selphie had found Irvine sleeping with Mylene and had publicly shamed and dumped him. Then she declared herself celibate and refused to see anybody other than Quistis. Irvine had tried everything to make up with her and then another truth had come out. She had slept with Zell and that he had been better in bed than Irvine could ever hope to be.
This truth had therefore caused Zell to suddenly become extremely popular with the ladies looking for a bit of good loving. Irvine had been renown for being a real stud but if he could be beaten then it would have to be a special kind of person. Unfortunately for Zell, this only made Selphie ignore him more. He had groupies after him and he was never without a female companion and the moment of telling Selphie he loved her was never perfect, or was always ruined.
Three weeks after Zell had caught Mylene and Irvine in their first act together, he had had enough of hiding and was on the point of breaking. He had taken Rinoa's advice and had ripped it to shreds from every angle, finding a flaw in everyway he went about it. Then he found the way to win her heart.
****
Selphie walked into her dormitory after another tiring day of trying to keep up pretences. If truth be told, she was sick of everything. Avoiding Zell, avoiding Irvine, avoiding everyone. She pushed her door shut, and turned around. She frowned when some soft music came floating over towards her, candles were lit around her, flickering with the change of air movement. There were smells of exotic scents from some candles and there were smells of chicken, pasta, tomato coming from her bedroom. Curious as to what was going on, she followed the smell of food, not pausing to take off her shoes or check her mail, like she usually did when she got in.
She entered her bedroom and saw more candles and a meal laid out of her bed. Smiling softly, she wondered if this was Quistis' work, helping her get through her stress. She bounced over to the bed and sat down carefully, so not to spill any food. She picked up her fork and gathered some of the stir fry onto it. She lifted it to her mouth, blew on it and then placed it into her mouth. She savoured the delicious flavours and greedily got another mouthful.
****
Zell watched Selphie attack his meal with delight and hope. She hadn't reacted badly, so he could only assume that this was to her liking. When she had finsihed her meal he stepped out of his hiding place, of the en suite bathroom and walked over to Selphie, who was carefully tidying the meal away onto its tray, onto the bedside table.
"Hello, Selphie."
She jerked and screamed, dropping a plate at the same time. They both lept to grab it and caught it on opposite sides. They stood up straight, never looking away from each others faces. In the candle light, Zell could see the shadows under Selphie's eyes and the hurt look that entered her eyes. She let go of the plate as though it were diseased and hugged herself.
"What do you want, Zell?"
Her words were cold but they didn't put off Zell. He was here on a mission and he never failed a mission.
"I want to tell you something, Selphie." He set down the plate.
"What?" Her voice was curt and crisp. Selphie continued to stare at the ground, trying to forget that Zell was there.
"I love you."
Her head snapped up, her eyes searching his for some evidence of insincerity. Zell carried on speaking,
"I think i've loved you since i met you months ago. It seems so long ago yet it seems to near. I can remember everything about you. I remember you at the orphanage, i remember you as the messenger, i remember you as Selphie."
He licked his lips and Selphie felt her eyes drawn to his mouth. He smirked and her gaze snapped back up to his eyes again. She opened her mouth to speak, but his hand covered it.
"Shh. It's my turn to talk. I don't regret making love to you, i had wanted to for some time. I didn't make up seeing Irvine sleeping with Mylene but i didn't plan to take advantage of you. All i ask of you, is for you to forgive me."
"Forgive you for what?" Her voice was soft, her eyes full of tears.
"For never telling you. I don't expect you to love me back, i only wish for our friendship to be returned to its natural state - unbroken." He took a deep breath and chuckled brokenly.
"What?" She whispered.
"Do you know how hard it is to tell you this, while you are standing there, radiating waves of anger and hurt and disregard."
"I-i'm not, i swear."
"Do ... do you forgive me?"
"Yes."
He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Thank Hyne. I can be going now, i hope you'll talk to m-"
His speech was cut off by Selphie jerking his mouth to hers, pushing her tongue into his mouth. Zell gave a muffled groan and pulled Selphie closer. They broke the kiss after a few minutes and Zell laughed again.
"What was that for?" He asked.
"For loving me. For telling me. It makes this easier to say...that..that"
Zell stared at her hope swelling in his breast.
"Yes." Please - you love me, you love me.
"I am-"
She was interupted by a knock at the door. Her eyes pleaded with him but she left nonetheless and opened the door. She conversed in dulled tones for a minute and Zell crept out of the bedroom to see what was going on when he couldn't hear anything. At the door was Irvine and Selphie and Irvine were hugging. Zell's eyes slid shut and his breathing quickened. He stormed to the door, giving Selphie a malicious look before pushing Irvine out of the way and running to his dorm, hearing Irvine say,
"Well, that's him out of the way then. Let's go inside shall we?"
****
Inside his dormitory, Zell couldn't believe what had happened. Selphie had taken back Irvine. He had bared his soul to her and she had kissed him. Kissed him like a woman possessed by love. He snorted, but she had taken her ex back who had cheated on her. Chosen that slime over someone who would worship the dust beneath her feet.
There was a knock at the door. Zell ignored it. The knock grew insistant, and then Zell became away of someone typing in a code and the door sliding open. Selphie stood in the doorway, her posture saying she was afraid and ready to run. Zell, stared at her, amazed to find that there was still a shred of love, of something inside him for her.
"Come in then. You obviously want to talk to me."
She took a few hesitant steps into his room and the door slid shut. She coughed nervously. Zell looked away and said,
"How'd you get in?"
"I - i know your code, it's the same ... as mine. I changed it.
Zell looked surprised for a second but then thought of Irvine and he bit out,
"Look, i know you've taken him back, but for the love of Hyne tell me why."
"Zell, I-"
"Go on, say it!"
"I haven't!!"
"LIAR! I saw you! I god damn HEARD you!"
"Zell - please, i swear-"
"Ah, yes. You swore before, saying that you were listening to what i was saying. But i don't think you were, were you? I bared my soul before you and you shot it to pieces. Probably with your boyfriends gun."
Selphie didn't smile at that bitter humour.
"Well, are you going to say anything?"
"I just came to tell you something -"
"What?"
"Will you let me FINISH?"
Brat. "Fine, go ahead. Give it your best shot. Let's break Zell's heart again."
"God damnit, Zell. I love you too, ok?"
Zell could only stare, speechless.
"Good, have i got your attention now? Well, I just thought that i should say that i was making up with Irvine because he told me about the conversation you two had. He was sorry for stringing me along but he knew when someone was meant to be together or not. And in this case, i agree with him."
Zell nodded slowly, trying to take in the infomation.
"So, now it's my turn to bear my soul. Will you have me Zell? I've been really awful to you when i should have been trying to keep our friendship from dying, and i'm sorry for that. But i love you, loved you for a long time, but i knew it when you made love to me in the sweetest way. Please, Zell, i'm here if you want me."
Zell stood up and Selphie cowered, waiting to see what her penalty would be. She felt two arms encircle her, and she breathed and a few tears of relief and happiness slid down her cheeks. Zell wiped them away with his thumb and whispered brokenly,
"Don't cry, we'll be fine. We're together. I swear that whatever happens, i'm here for you."
"I swear that also."
He pulled her closely and then laid them both down onto the bed, where they slept in each others arms, sins forgiven and the future waiting. Their destiny settled, they were ready for Ultimicia. They had each other.
****
No, no matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No, no matter how far we've come I
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you
You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
With you
You, now I see, keeping everything inside
with you
You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes
****
And thats the end folks. Please reveiw and tell me what you think. I'm very proud of this, i haven't read to many Zelphies but i had a sudden urge to write one. This is taken from my many dealings with Mills and Boon, god bless those books. Such porn!! : ) Anywho, i'm off now to eat. I've got a crick in my neck, and probably a lot of spelling mistakes in this!! I've checked it, but i've probs missed some.
Zell is slightly out of character but thats what happens when you're in love folks :D
Comments, critisisms? ------------------ REVEIW DUDES!!
Honey B ~()~