Author's notes: I'm odd in that I thouroughly despise Mary Sues. Be assured that I don't mean original characters or skillfull self-insertions. Just Mary Sues, but boy, do I hate them. :D
Chapter I: In which we meet the Megatrons (and Antlers)
There was a table.
'Twas a round sucker, too.
You weren't going to find any knights around this one, though, and definitely no King Arthur, however much each of the four robots seated there wished they could be kings of everything. It was their nature, y'see; you can't spell 'Megatron' without 'me', after all...
So, yes. The largest robot seated there was grey and black, with an expression like one's grandfather after he's had too many beans and dammit if someone hadn't called dibs on the bathroom. This robot was also about as intelligent as a lobotomized gerbil, if you ask the author. He shall henceforth be referred to as Megatron I, because he regretably came first, and is therefore considered by some to be the best. Hah.
The smallest robot seated at the table was a dazzling blend of royal purple, black, grey and cobber, and he wore an expression that might suggest that he was the one to call dibs on the bathroom, just to annoy gramps. In the author's most humble opinion, he was not only gorgeous, but also very, very clever. He shall henceforth be referred to as Megatron II, since he undeservedly came second, yet is still considered the best. Go, him.
Moving on, there was another robot, who looked like pish-posh of robot parts, and he definitely looked more used to sitting on his rear than doing anything productive. He looked almost as stupid as Megatron I, too. He shall henceforth be referred to as Megatron III, because that's what he is, though he was originally called Gigatron, but that was by the same people who called that over-grown SUV Scourge Black Convoy, and though both names are dumb, Black Convoy rules supreme.
And finally, there was an odd looking robot, coloured in splotches of army green, purple and black, with a strange gun contraption on his hips and - I shit you not - antlers on his head. His expression conveyed great joy and smugness as he looked over his rather spiffy sword. He shall henceforth be referred to Antlers, as the author feels like it. And because he doesn't like it.
And they sat around the table. There was nothing else in the room, might I add, so they were also bored, except for Megatron II and Antlers, both busy being insufferably smug in the way only characters voiced by David Kaye can be. Why? Neither of the two others knew, which just made at least Megatron II all the smugger. Antlers was just smug about the Star Saber.
"Why are we here?!" thundered Megatron I, fed up with Megatron II's expert laissez faire smugness. "This... idiocy is intollerable!"
Megatron III shrugged intelligently, nervously eying Megatron I's impressive cannon--
(Fusion cannon! Getcher mind outta the gutter!)
--hoping that the psychotic-seeming grey robot wouldn't start shooting.
Antlers sulked a bit over his given name for the story and put the Star Saber down. "We're in a room. Anything more than that, none of us know."
Megatron II tilted his head and smirked in that crooked way that just deserves a slap.
Antlers gave him a mildly annoyed - but very polite, in that midly-annoyed-but-very-polite way that only characters voiced by David Kaye can do - look and asked, "Yes?"
Megatron II smirked again, this time at Antlers, and said, "I believe we are actually in a conference room. You'll notice that, despite the round table, we're all facing roughly one way; in the same direction as there appears to be positioned a canvas."
The other Megatrons looked vaguely perturbed and grumpy for not having noticed this, but Antlers nodded and conceded that yes, they did indeed appear to be in a conference room.
Suddenly a door that not even Megatron II - though he wouldn't admit it - hadn't noticed slid open, admitting a lithe, white and green robot with no visible faction mark. He grinned flippantly. "Gentlemen. I am Sagacicous."
"You are dead!" Megatron I all but screamed, lunging at the arrival - and passing right through him, knocking his bucket-shaped helmet even more flat on the wall.
"That won't avail you," informed Sagacicous quite cheerfully, helping him up.
Megatron II frowned intellectually, as he would never dream of frowning dumbly. "Might I inquire, Sagacicous, as to who you are and what your part is in this... setup?"
"You may," said the green-tinted robot good-naturedly, leading Megatron I back to his seat. "I am the Gatekeeper."
"The what?" asked Megatron III dumbly, blinking.
"The Gatekeeper," repeated Sagacicous, smiling cheerfully at them all, "to the Matrix. I am, if you will, the Charon of the Cybetronian Styx."
Antlers leant back, fingering his sword. "Are you saying we're dead?"
The Gatekeeper's demeanour changed from mischivous to somber quickly enough to convince Megatron II that he was quite mad. "Oh, no, Megatron," at which Antlers beamed, "you are very much alive, but not for long if the Situation is not dealt with."
The three Megatrons and Antlers looked first at each other, then at Sagacicous and echoed, "The Situation?"
He nodded, crossing his slender, white and green arms. "Yes. The Situation." He turned and paced up to the canvas, flipping an invisible switch. "Gentlemen, if I may have your attention for but a moment." An image faded onto the canvas, and the three non-supernatural robots shuddered collectively.
Megatron I asked meekly, though he was confident that he sounded... confident, "wh-who is that?"
"Not who! What!" thundered Sagacicous in a way all three Megatrons and Antlers could only envy. "This is the Mary Sue! Behold her carefully, my friends, for she will be your bane if you're not careful..."
On the canvas was a figure of such beauty, such perfection that the boredom induced by her was plain disgusting. She was slender and beautiful by human standards, with oddly shaped wings, bearing every sigil the four leaders knew; her shapes and curves would've been beautiful if the three Megatrons and Antlers had been organic, but as it was they were all just wondering how on Cybertron she went about transforming. And...
"Is her helmet broken?" asked Antlers.
"No," said Megatron I, perfectly disgusted, "she has hair." And she did. A mass of wavy, bright silver, beautifully gleaming, thouroughly useless hair.
"Why?" asked Megatron II puzzled. "And how exactly is this... freak of nature going to threaten us?"
"She's not just threatening you, but the entire universe as we know it," Sagacicous sighed, flipping off the image before the shivering Megatron III could collapse under the influence.
"Then why us?" asked Antlers. "Why not the," he frowned darkly, "Optimii?"
The Gatekeeper looked sheepish, wringing his hands a bit. "Well... Primus and I agreed that you would be better, frankly, since the Primes - and Primal - are just too... sissy."
A collective snort of amused agreement rose from the table, and Megatron II folded his hands on it. "Why is she such a threat? And more importantly, how can she be stopped?"
Sagacicous gave him an earnest look. "This... creature is capable of turning each of you into a coward or, Primus forbid, a nice person. That is how powerful she is."
The four mechs shuddered a bit. "Can she do this to everyone?" quivered Megatron III, much to the annoyance of Antlers who was seated beside him.
The Gatekeeper nodded most solemly.
Megatron I rose and, slamming his fist into the table - scratching it with his edge of his fusion cannon, at which Sagacicous could be heard muttering, "You're paing for that." - he roared, "Then we must stop her!"
Megatron II winced slightly and tapped his audio reciever to insure himself that he was not deaf. "Well, yeess, that's pretty much a given."
Sagacicous beamed. "So you're all in agreement?" And before they could answer in the negative, as some Megatrons undoubtedly would, he continued, "Splendid! You'll notice you have a new setting in your internal scanners; with these you can find Mary Sue in whatever dimension she is and follow. Primus speed, gentlemen!"
And before Antlers could even twitch his antlers, the four had been sucked like so many bugs into a bike-riding kid's mouth into a dimensional portal.
The green and white robot remaining sighed and bounced off to carry on his proper duties. Turned out another Optimii had just died, which made Sagacicous wish that they could have sent the Primes - and Primal - since it would save him a lot of undue trouble with registration and paperwork.