Author's notes: Thankies for the reviews! Answering and responding and such is now lead by my own, until now unused, Mary Sue, Havoc!
Havoc: ~Paces onto the stage and coughs, flicking organic wings a bit; mutters~ Don't think I haven't figured out that you sent me out here just to torture me, Neffy. A Mary Sue onstage in an anti-Mary Sue fic? Cute - very cute.
(She turns to face the audience and smiles fixedly)
Havoc: In response to, er... ~Checks script~ Albedo. First... ~Clonks Inferno over the head~ Siddown! ~Gets fried~ ... This is because I'm a Mary Sue, isn't it? Hmph... Anyway, Albedo, all the Megatrons - and Antlers - insist that they will indeed defeat the Mary Sue. Somehow this agreement turned into a fight. Don't ask how; just remember, they're all Megatrons.
(She changes the scripts around, coughing up soot pathetically)
Havoc: To Kristina, Neffy would like to respond that, "Yes. Yes, she is." ~Pause~ Hey... ~Growls and changes scripts once more~ As for VG's question, he is indeed the Megatron from Armada, but we all agreed Antlers was more fitting. ~Grin~
(Switches scripts again, frowning)
Havoc: Lynx, first, Neffy tells me to thank you for helping her with the Mary Sue's name many times. Second, she tells me that G1 Megatron really is a fool, though she refused to say it when he held her at gunpoint. And third, on a completely personal point; wh-what exactly did you mean with them being thourough...? ~Nervous gulp~
(Switches once more, eyeing Lynx warily)
Havoc: And, er... And Tremor, the Megatrons say that they hope it won't work in the long term, because then Neffy might stop writing it; at which she laughed evilly and started mumbling something about the "Ring of Power", Balrogs, yellow-brick roads and "Dorothy"... ~Clears throat~ I don't want to know. And finally, to Talec, she says thank you very much and she will. ~Bows; gets pelted in tomatoes~ I hate being a Mary Sue...
(She sulks off-stage)
Chapter II: In Which Starscream Gets a Girlfriend
"Oh, Starscream!" AmbyrDestinyCristalWynd FyrewyngBladeStarRubee Darkfyre Deathfang BlackShadowklaw SunbryghtSylverTalyn, the Sparkstalker cried, throwing herself at the befuddled Seeker. "My love! How I longed to be in your arms once more, after that cruel tyrant Megatron--"
"Which one?" pipes up the author.
"--tore us from each other!" continued the Mary Sue, as if there'd been no interruption. "My darling! Never again shall I leave your kind, gentle embrace! Oh!" And with this she swooned, draping her excessive curves fetchingly over Starscream's arm, her sparkling silver hair sweeping towards the floor, getting the ends kind of dirty.
Starscream blinked. "Er... Do I know you?"
AmbyrDestinyYaddaYadda woke from her swoon only to cling tightly to Starscream's neck in a show of feminine dependence. "Oh, my loverboy! If it were not for vengeful Megatron's dirty lust for my hot, luscious, femme body we could've been together all these years! But fear not, my muffin! I shall take my revenge upon him, as a good, independent girlfriend of yours, for I will never be his queen!"
Starscream struggled and gagged, "Y-you're cutting off vital supplies!"
This the Mary Sue, of course, interpreted as her loverboy needing air - since the fact that they were both robots and did not need air had somehow escaped her notice - and instantly let go. "Oh, tragedy! I hurt all those I love, whilst fiends such as Megatron and Optimus Prime, both after my bodacious bod, go free! Truly, I am cursed..." And she hunkered down and started sobbing.
Starscream blinked at her, then slo-o-o-owly began to edge away, thinking, Primus, she's leaking. It's probably dangerous...
Elsewhere...
There was a Whoosh! and a Zoom! and a Pow! and several other sound effects that would remind someone of cheezy old action cartoons. Amidst all this cheeziness, the three Megatrons (and Antlers) tumbled out of a dimensional portway.
"Owwww!" cried Megatron III. "You all landed on me!"
Antlers, who was reasonably well behaved for a Decepticon, quickly shooed the other Megatrons off and helped Megatron III up, whereupon he frowned and looked about, antlers drooping a bit. "Where are we?"
Megatron I brushed off and stood proudly. "We're in the underwater base on Earth, under MY command!"
"Ooh!" squealed Megatron II, bouncing about. "The Nemesis!"
Megatron III gave him an odd look, then hurried over to the First who was grumbling something about the ship not being 'any damn Nemesis'. "So... Where is she?" He cowered a bit at the glare Megatron I gave him.
Antlers sighed and clicked on his scanner. "Computer, scan mode 1690x; locate objective." A few whirrs and beeps later, the requested information scrolled across its screen. He nodded tersely. "I've found her. She's with Starscream." He blinked. "The first one, I mean."
Megatron I would've rolled his optics if he could've, but he couldn't, so he didn't. "Follow me," he growled, storming off. "I can find Starscream in twenty clicks, and certainly before she gets away."
Megatron III followed hurriedly and Antlers was close behind, dragging the still enthralled Megatron II. "Yes, yes, it's a big ship named Nemesis. It's pretty, we get it; now move it!"
Meanwhile, on the set of the Soap...
"Oh, I understand why Starscream pushes me away! I am, and have always been a danger to all around me, especially those I love..." Sniffle. "It's a curse!"
Thundercracker fidgeted uncomfortably, him and Skywarp having been kidnapped from a cheerful game of 'kill the baby' to be forcefully subjected to FyrewyngBladeStarRubeeBlahBlah's wailing angst.
"But," sniffle-hiccup, "luckily I have you, my two dearest friends - and brothers - to help me. Ohh...!" She hugged them both tightly, crying wetly and noisily into their shoulders.
Skywarp blinked at a disgusted Thundercracker. "Dude... We're brothers?"
The other Seeker shrugged helplessly, trying to free himself from the femme. "I dunno. I'm more worried about our supposed sister, though..."
At another location...
Starscream took a deep, relieved breath and leant back against the wall of the broom closet, positive that he was safe. That strange creature that had appeared out of nowhere had stopped following him after a while. No one could find him in here; absolutely no--
"Hello, Starscream." Megatron I caught him by the throat and squeezed. "Where is she?"
Starscream boggled first at his commander, wheezing a vague, negative sound, then at the three strange robots that accompanied him.
The one with the antler things on his head blinked. "Wow. He kinda looks like my Starscream, though not as gay."
"We're robots, we can't be gay nor straight," sighed a small, purple mech. "In fact, I don't think we should even know the meaning of the terms."
A somewhat spooked looking, winged Transformer stepped forward and swallowed. "Erm, Megatron?"
The three other robots capable of speaking blinked and said, "Yes?" at which Starscream boggled further and Megatron III - if this had been a visually oriented fanfic - would have sweatdropped.
"No, I meant the first one."
"Yes?" growled Megatron I.
"I think you're killing him," offered Megatron III meekly, gesturing at Starscream. "We might need him."
Megatron I glared, but grudgingly released the Seeker, who in turn could only watch in stunned silence as the antlered Megatron smugly reminded his own commander that he'd claimed he'd find Starscream before the 'creature' could leave him. Starscream then felt a poking at his thigh and looked down at where the small Megatron was examining him. "Hey, stop that!"
Megatron II blinked up at him, looking almost accusatorial. "You're alive," he concluded testily. "I am not pleased with these developements, nooo..." He turned to glare at Megatron I, kicking him in the shin. "You lost her, you bucket-headed buffoon! This nutball is no use to us!"
Cried Megatron I, "Ow!" more so in shock than in pain, and lifted the smaller mech up at eye level to glare. "You do not kick me; I don't care how much my namesake you are!"
The Predacon smirked smugly and angled a kick at his nose. "You were saying?"
Cried Megatron I again, "Ow!" dropping Megatron II. "Why, you little--!" He started chasing the smaller Megatron around the closet at which Starscream could only boggle.
Antlers facepalmed. letting Megatron III try to stop the other two. "Terribly sorry about that," he told Starscream, "It's the stress."
The Seeker blinked warily at him, jumping as the two Megatrons raced past again. "The stress of what? What exactly are you looking for? And why are you picking on me?"
The fourth Megatron tilted his head, thinking for a second. "Of the Mary Sue. We're chasing this creature to stop her. And the same reason she's picking on you."
"... You lost me," Starscream informed him. "The Mary Sue?"
Antlers sighed and tripped Megatron I which elicited snickers from both Starscream and Megatron II. "Yes. She's a creature unlike any other. She's perfect, disgustingly so, noble, strong and able to bend your character completely out of shape. She's also supposed to be beautiful, but... I think she looks kinda lumpy. And she's got some useless hair instead of a helmet."
Starscream's optics widened. "Oh, her!" He nodded frantically. "I've seen her. Can you really stop her?"
"Fear not, citizen!" broke in Megatron III nobly. "We shall vanquish this fiendish creature easily!"
The two other Megatrons, Antlers and Starscream all looked oddly at him, silence reigning; until Megatron II kicked him over the shin. "Bloody lunatic sounds like a Maximal..."
"Oww!" whined the six-changing - not to be confused with sex-changing, no matter what rumours Scourge had been spreading - robot, holding his shin. "That hurt!"
Megatron II snarled something about that fact being good and sulked horribly, crossing his arms.
Megatron I ignored the commotion, glaring at Starscream. "So you know where she is?"
Starscream glared back, feeling slightly safer now. "No; but I can find her. Or more accurately, she can find me." He smirked smugly, at which Antlers and Megatron II both automatically smirked smugly as well. "So you can't very well hurt me, leader. The wimpy Megatron's right; you need me."
Ignoring Megatron III's hurt, "Hey..." Antlers smacked Megatron I on the back, cheerful. "I like your Starscream better than mine! He's clever!"
Megatron II chuckled and agreed before Megatron I could respond. He then hurried over, clambering up Starscream's much larger frame, to the Air Commander's disgusted surprise. "You must lead us to her, yeess..." he told the Seeker, placing himself comfortably before one of the large air intakes. "And kindly soon. Every moment she's alive the universe is more at danger..."
They all stood in silence, then, letting the gravity of the situation wash over them.
"Wow, that was really dramatic!" beamed Megatron III. "Did you see that in a movie or som-- Ow! Quit it! OW!"
To be continued in Chapter III: In Which the Mary Sue is First Confronted.