In the blurry haze of bliss, one often tends to forget or block out the things that nightmares are made of, things which needed to be forgotten but it was almost as if these things just refused to go away, unaided until something spectacular happens to make one overlook things which used to make life miserable. Sometimes though, past mistakes shouldn't be left in the dark and little skeletons will often jump out of one's closet and choose to revel themselves in the most horrifying ways.
Chapter Eight: Rekindled Fear
Christmas is just over the horizon and the Garden is bustling with good cheer as the students head out to visit families for the winter break. I never did like Christmas. It was a holiday which never held meaning for me, never quite sparked my spirit or stirred joy into my heart. For as long as I could remember, Christmas eve and morning was always spent alone, even though Cid insisted on hosting a grand feast for those students like myself who didn't have a home to leave for. My family was here at Garden, even if I couldn't see that. Seifer never much cared for the winter festivities either and if I can remember correctly, the last Christmas before the Second Sorceress War was one without any sort of glee. Both of us were miserably irritable as the snow fell around the school and the younger cadets played tag in the hallways. We kept to ourselves, Seifer's posse having left him for the first time in years. Neither of us spoke to the each other, in fact, I don't think I remember Seifer saying anything to me until Christmas morning where various gifts had been exchanged between the students. I myself got the most unexpected one of them all.
It didn't take long for Seifer to challenge me to a routine duel, boredom settling inside of both of us now that there were no longer classes to keep us occupied. We met in the training center, our usual spot which secluded us from the rest of the world, shrouded in trees and other foliage. It was the one place where we were allowed to let loose and vent all our frustration and anger out on each other without being interrupted by rules or monsters. Even now, my mind frazzled by the scars of my old GFs, I cannot remember how it happened, but we managed to give each other our first set of matching scars aside from the ones on our faces. We'd been lost in a violent dance of sweeping blades, magic spells and swift blows from the hilt of our weapons. By the time it'd ended, we each had a gunblade stuck through each other. I remember being the one to go first, to actually slip from life's cliff and fall towards the abyss of death as my blade was removed from within the cavities of Seifer's stomach where his own blade had impaled me. And I fell. Oh gods, did I fall so far and so fast, not even realizing it until Seifer fell with me.
For the first time, I experienced death, wrapped within its horror and icy grip. I don't know who it was that found us and even how long it was that we lay there, two fallen duelists wrapped around each other like a pair of lovers blanketed by a crimson wave, but I do know that when that first Phoenix Down was used on me, I never felt so alone as I did in death and when oxygen hit my lungs once more, it was in a panicked gulp of air nearly choked upon as I sat up in a terrified state.
Perhaps it's unwise to recall such gruesome events; I know it certainly isn't the smartest thing to do when I'm required to spar with him soon, but. . . it bothers me. In a way, it actually frightens me that we might make the same mistakes only Seifer won't come out alive in the end. I've trained for a solid two months now and Lionheart can actually be used to its full potential, but there are times. . .times when my mind won't focus, when I'll let my guard slip and for the love of Hyne, I can't seem to make this awful--- this fatal little thought go away, the ever present question during battle "what if" continually ruining my soldier's instinct.
Gods, what if I make a mistake that could ruin our lives?
The path towards the Training Center seems longer now, my weapon's weight more massive, seeming to drag me down, slow my pace, or is that just an excuse for the stiff movements I seem to be making? He's already there, bright eyed with that smirk full across his lips as he greets me with a silent nod of recognition, quietly commenting on that fact that I was late. When we step in pass those thick metal doors, something buries itself in my stomach, plants that awful seed of apprehension that coils and twists around me. One more time does he ask if I'm ready and with a firm nod we find ourselves that little spot we've claimed as our own more than six years ago. The stances we take resemble those which I can recall from our last duel which ended quite dreadfully on Seifer's part as my team dispatched of him, or rather. . .the GF did.
There's a rustle of leaves beneath steel toed boots and without warning, Seifer rushes me, Hyperion swung towards my head and without hesitance, I duck and make a quick slash for his legs which he narrowly steps back from. The battles starts and already the adrenaline is pumping and deafening my ears. The chill of winter does not evade us, not now when we're already baking beneath our clothes, muscles flexing and contracting to keep us going. Our beautiful tango of flashing blades has begun, our music the sound of ringing clashes of steel, and our rhythm created by pure instinct.
It's all so familiar.
Lunge. Thrust. Parry. Retreat.
Extend. Slash. Block. Retreat.
My mind focuses itself on the weapon swung at me, the sound of it whizzing past my ear, noting how close and dangerous this duel was becoming and despite my growing fear, I couldn't help but be entranced as I used to when we fought. All too quickly, the battle is over as Hyperion's tip rests mere inches from my throat and with a rise of my chin, I accept the defeat which has fallen upon me. Relief floods itself through my system as my heartbeat begins to slow. I did it. We both survived and made through this bout with no more than a few cuts and some light bruising.
I would be allowed into SeeD once more.
Author's Note: With exams coming left and right I never got a chance to update this chapter, not to mention I was grounded from the computer for awhile. My apologies to all who have been so patiently waiting for this chapter, I am truly sorry to have kept you waiting.