Buffy walked out of the woods and into the clearing that was "The Old
Mansion". The place looked huge, stone and marble. Buffy had only seen
about one third of the inside, since Angel still had two of the three wings
boarded up. There was an alter-like fireplace in almost every room. Buffy
walked up the steps and into the walled in garden, which led to the main
living room. The tall pillars and walls had dead rose vines crawling up
them, and crisped leaves floated on the floor in the light breeze.
Buffy walked slowly toward the center, leaves crushing beneath her feet, to the fountain in the middle. It had been drained of water and now was filled with decay. Buffy wondered, as she sat hesitantly on the decaying stone -everything in the mansion was stone- edge, why this fountain was empty, but the small water fountain on the wall was flowing with crystal water.
She looked around, almost as if she had never seen the place before, but one of the most tragic events of her life had taken place in this horrid place. She ran her hand along the stone, reveling in its feel. It was smooth, cold, and hard, like Angel's body.
She remembered the first time she had ever touched him, when he had been stabbed in the ribs by the Three. She hadn't known he was a vampire, and she was caught off guard by the coolness of his skin, as well as his beauty. He was perfect; every inch of him she had seen was like a dream. She remembered exactly where the cut had been across his stomach. Buffy remembered nursing him back to health after Spike had preformed the ritual to restore Dru, taking away his strength. And she remembered the night they made love. The way he had been gentle and soft, the opposite of how he had been in her nightmares. The way he asked her before he did anything, and the way he whispered his loved her. She remembered what it had been like to be under him, his cool body undulating above her. She remembered every kiss, every touch, every whisper, and she was haunted by it day and night, every dream and nightmare.
Buffy could feel the tears begin to leak from her eyes. She tried to hide the tears from him, and she wished she could stop, that there was a limit on how many tears you could let fall for one person, but she couldn't stop. One tear led to another, and soon she was weeping into her hands. But the tears didn't make her feel any better.
Finally she stopped and wiped her face. She sniffed and got up, hoping she looked presentable enough. She held her chin up and walked into the other room.
Angel looked up at her the minute she walked into the room. He knew she had been in the other room. He had heard her crying. "Why lover, you're late," he said, feigning shock.
"I was detained," she said. Buffy took a look at his pallor and thinness, and turned away to keep from crying again. "Okay, you're still breathing, so to speak, so I can go." She turned to leave as he spoke.
"Leaving so soon? You just got here." Angel almost sounded like her wanted her to stay, but Buffy was smart enough to know better. She began to walk away when he said, "You're hiding something."
This time Buffy turned to face him. Buffy had a feeling he was guessing, but for some reason she wanted to tell him. "You're right. I'm hiding something." She walked closer to him, but she still stayed far enough away. "Spike's back in town. And roaming around in the daylight without sizzling."
Buffy waited for shock to cross Angel's face, but it never happened. "Well, I never even knew he was gone, but it's great that he's back, and he most likely found he Gem of Amara."
"You know about the Gem?" Buffy asked coyly. Giles didn't know much about it, and he knew almost everything about everything, so she was surprised to here that Angel knew about it.
"What vampire doesn't? Buff, the Gem is almost as notorious as you." He paused. "Most just think it's a myth. But I guess not."
"So what does it do, exactly?" Buffy figured that she should get as much info from Angel as possible. The books in the library might not be that helpful.
"It renders the wearer full immortality if they are a vampire. They can stand in the sun light, get stake, lit on fire, and nothing happens."
"So, is it like a necklace or something?" Buffy wanted to know what it was so she could get it off Spike and kill him. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't kill the two most dangerous vampires on earth. What type of Slayer what she?
Angel thought for a moment. "The last I heard, it was a ring. But that was over 75 years ago and that thing is always getting reset. For all I know, it could be a bellybutton ring." Angel paused. A scowl crossed his face. "Why am I telling you this?"
Buffy smiled. She had just hot two birds with one stone: she had found out more about the ring, and she had humiliated Angel. "Because I'm irresistible, lover." Buffy blew him a kiss and stalked saucily out of the room, Angel fuming behind her.
~
Buffy could hear voices through the screen door as she walked up the steps to the kitchen door. She knew one was her mother's, but she couldn't quite place the other one. As she reached the door, she got a clear view at the visitor.
Spike.
Buffy flew inside and was on Spike. She rushed him against the counter, bending him backward over it. Buffy's mom let out a scream and then froze from shock. Buffy reached for a stake then realized it won't do her any good. "What are you doing here," she asked angrily. "How did you got out." Buffy held his hand tightly in one hand and held his neck down with the other.
"Good ol' Rupert let me out," he said. Then he laughed. "Well, not so much let me out, per say. You know you should call and check on him. I hit him pretty hard." He smiled when Buffy's eyes went wide.
"God, I wish I could kill you," Buffy ground out between her teeth. She tightened her grip on his throat, and ground her knee into his groin.
Spike let out a small shriek of pain. "You'll pay for that, missy." Spike threw her off him, sending her backward into the cabinets. Knowing her couldn't kill her now, he turned, gave Joyce a sassy smile, and dashed out the kitchen door.
~
"I didn't let him go, Giles," said Buffy into the phone. She hissed as her mother moved the ice pack on her back. She probably wouldn't have a bruise- although her lack of food intake might change that- but it still hurt like hell. "I was unprepared, plus I don't how to kill him. I just wanted my mother safe."
"Very well," said Giles. Buffy was sure that he understood that she was frightened for Joyce. While her mom didn't seem to be very afraid of Spike- he had never posed any threat toward her and she actually found him quite charming- he could have easily killed her, and that was one of Buffy's biggest fears. "You'd best just go out and look her him." She heard Giles take a sip of something. Any other day she would have guessed it was tea, but she today she was thinking more along the lines of whisky. "You could tie him up at the old mansion."
"No," said Buffy a little too loudly and quickly, straightening as she did so and pushing the icepack into her back. She hissed and quickly thought up an excuse. "He knows it too well. If he were to get loose again, he would know where every hiding place was and every weapon. I know my way around there, but there are wings that I've never even seen entrances to. He might now the whole place by heart." As she spoke, she realized how true that was about Angel, too. She pushed that thought out of her mind. Angel is too tied too tight to get out, she told herself, but she couldn't get the thought out of her head completely.
"Good point. I guess you could just bring him back here," said Giles staking another sip of his drink. Buffy was scared to think about how much he had drunk already tonight. A drunken watcher was a scary watcher.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, we'll just have to tie him up better." Another sip. "I'll let you go."
"Okay, bye." Buffy hung up the phone and turned back to her mother. "Whatever you do, don't let him in." Buffy grabbed a stake out of one of the drawers- she kept stakes in every room in the house- and turned to leave. "Lock the door after me and don't let anyone in but me." And she was gone.
~
Buffy walked through the graveyard, her senses on full alert. She had to be ready for anyone -anything- that might be lurking in the night, especially Spike. Buffy had already checked all of his old haunts- The Bronze, the old factory, Willy's- and had come up empty. The only place she hadn't checked was the mansion. She knew if she checked there, Spike would most likely let Angel out, then she would be up against the two most powerful vampires, neither of which she could kill. She leaned against a gravestone and sighed. She felt as if she were fighting a loosing battle. No matter how hard she fought, things never got any easier. There was always some minion of hell or a new vampire clan to get rid of, and now she had to add Spike to her list.
Buffy looked around and decided that Spike wasn't in this cemetery tonight. But as she turned to leave, she felt it. Angel. Her skin tingled and her body temperature rose. Her heartbeat sped up. He was near and getting closer. Buffy turned and could see him standing about 20 feet away. Her first instinct was to run, but it wouldn't accomplish anything. So, slowly, she began to walk toward him.
"How did you get out?" It was a stupid question. She knew Spike had let him out. She was surprised at how calm she sounded. Inside she was ready to explode. She wanted to fight him, his him, kill him, and fuck him all at the same time. She didn't know which one would win out.
"Spike," he said simply. Angel walked closer. The moon cast shadows on his face, giving him an eerier appearance. "He stopped by, very surprised to see me, and then found a spare key and unchained me." Angel rubbed his wrists. "It sure feels good to have feeling in these again."
"This can only happen two ways," said Buffy. "Either I finally kill you, or you kill me." Buffy knew the latter was not happening.
"I beg to differ, Buff," said Angel. He walked up to her, quickly. He grabbed her shoulders, hard and tight so there was no way she could get out, and pulled her toward him, so she was almost pressed against the solid wall of his chest. "Like I said before," he whispered against her ear, his voice deep and husky, "you need me, like I need you. We both hate it, I know, but there's no denying it."
"No," said Buffy. She shook her head and fought, until she finally pulled out of his grip. She turned and ran, but her caught her before she could get past the mausoleum ten feet away.
He spun her around and looked into her hazel eyes. "I can feel it Buff, no matter how you deny it. I know that your blood heats up when I'm near, and I long to taste it, taste you." She looked into his eyes, and she saw that there was no threat there, only truth. "We've both tried to fight it, but we can't. I want you, more than Angel could ever want you." Buffy shook her head, fighting to accept it. "Yes, Buff, and you know why? Because I want more than just your heart. In fact, I don't give a damn about your heart."
He pushed her against the wall of the mausoleum. He moved closer, a predator after its prey. Buffy could see the hunger in his eyes. She fought back the urge to scream. This was how her nightmares would start. He'd hurt her a little, then more, until she wanted to die. Buffy prayed this was a dream.
Angel whispered in her ear, "I want your blood, Slayer. I want to claim you in every way possible, physically and emotionally, until there's no part of Him left in you. Until there is only me in your blood." Angel placed an open mouthed kiss on her neck, right above her jugular. "And you want it. You long for it. You long for the feeling of me in you again, pounding into you until you scream. You want me to hurt you and to make you feel more pleasure then you ever thought possible. Because pain goes hand in hand with pleasure." Angel kissed her deeply, his tongue thrusting in and out of her mouth, teasing her and leaving her breathless. "Say you want it," he said, his dark eyes staring brazenly into hers.
Buffy began to shake her head, to protest. She couldn't want all those things. She couldn't. Those things happened to her in her dreams, and she hated them. She loved Angel with all her heart, more than anything in the world. She hated Angelus with more passion than she could express. But weren't love and hate basically the same thing? Divided by only a thin, sometimes undeterminable line?
"Say you want it!" Angel yelled at her. Buffy cringed. He shoved her hard against the mausoleum wall, his body pressed aggressively against hers.
She could feel the cold stone threw the back of her shirt. Normal she would be able to get away, push him off her, but she had been weaker lately, mainly because of the stress he was causing her. She couldn't fight him.
"Say it!"
"Yes!" Buffy finally screamed. She couldn't fight the lust running through her veins, and the passion and need screaming for release. She wanted to feel his cool skin on hers. She needed it. She needed to feel his body above her, on her, dominating her. It may not be Angel inside, but it was his body. And part of her wanted all those things he had said, a part of her deep in side, a part that longed for the danger and the passion. "Yes," she hissed out. "I need it. I need you."
Angel captured her lips in a searing kiss. His tongue invaded her mouth, violating her, but she loved it. Excitement and fear scented her blood that ran like fire through her veins. Angel's hands ran over her body and onto her ass, lifting her and she wrapped her lags around his waist. Angel slid a hand between them and unzipped her jacket. Buffy helped him get it off, then reached for his body, touching every inch of skin she could, massaging, caressing roughly. The whole time, their lips were sealed.
Suddenly, they were moving. Buffy didn't know where they were until Angel laid her on one of the tombs in the mausoleum. Her legs dangled over the edge. They looked at each other expectantly. Buffy knew she could fight now and get away. Instead she took his face in her hands and kissed him.
~
Buffy felt Angel's fangs sink into her neck as she came. The feeling of blood leaving her body only intensified the feeling of pleasure. She yelled and grasped at his body- his back, his arms, his hair- anything to keep her grounded. She fought to catch her breath, but waves of pleasure crashed over her. She felt as if she were suffocating. The world spun around as she came down from the amazing high. She loved it.
Then it was gone. Angel pulled away. He turned without a word and began to dress. Buffy sat up and watched him. He was magnificent, his muscles rippling with each movement.
Angel could feel her eyes on him. He turned. She had a pleasant smile across her face - much like the one she wore after she made love to Angel for the first time- and he knew that she thought this changed things. He knew, deep down, it had. They were connected now. Her blood ran threw her veins. The sweetest blood ever. And then there was the fact that she was the best lay ever, despite her lack of experience. He knew what her first time with Angel had felt like, and he knew this was a hundred times better than that. But that doesn't change anything, not really, he told himself. They were still enemies.
"That was good," he said. "We'll do it again sometime." He looked at her long enough to see the smile fade from her lips and then he turned into the night.
Buffy stared at the spot where he had stood moments ago. Slowly, her minds stared to register everything had had just happened. She realized she had just slept with him, that her nightmares had come true. She's had sex with the one person on this earth she should hate. And then the tears came.
~
When Buffy woke up the next morning she was sore. Her body ached, the same way his had when she had made love to Angel on her birthday. But the, it had been a good ache, now it was a bad ache. It was a painful reminder of what she had done. She had sex with her mortal enemy, the demon that wore her love's face. And afterward, she had sat and smiled, setting herself up for the perfect hurt. She had thought it might have meant something, but it hadn't. Nothing changed. Angel had done everything short of laughing in her face afterward. She knew she must have looked pathetic. And she knew Angel thought of her as a pathetic, worthless Slayer, who happened to be a terrible lay.
She rose from bed and ignored the feeling of muscles pulling and stretching. She wanted to crawl back into bed and never leave, just bury under the covers, and never come out.
Once in the bathroom, she turned on the water and began to strip. She didn't look at herself in the mirror. She couldn't deal with it. She knew that she hadn't been taking care of herself. She hadn't been eating; she only made herself look presentable a few days a week. She knew her skin was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes because she hadn't slept. But as long as she didn't look in the mirror, they weren't real; she couldn't prove they were real.
As Buffy showered, she held back tears that were rising in her eyes. She wanted to go back in time, to before her and Angel made love, so she could change things. She would stop herself from sleeping with him on her birthday, stop all the horrible things form happening. When she stepped out of the shower, she took a brief glance at herself in the mirror. Once she saw herself, she couldn't look away. There were dark bruises on her shoulders from where Angel had dug his fingers into her to keep her from getting away. She turned and saw how red her back was from being pounded into the stone tomb. And then her neck: two swollen, red puncture marks over her jugular. She could see the bruise fading, and bite marks healing, a good sign. Then there was the fact she could almost see all her ribs when she took a deep breath in.
She turned away and pushed the picture of how she looked out of her mind.
She dressed quickly in a long sleeved button up sweater and jeans and a scarf tied around her neck to cover the bite marks. She knew even once it was healed, it would leave a faint scar, but that could be covered with makeup.
As Buffy left for school, she realized she hadn't found Spike. And now Angel was on the loose. Her plans had faltered and now it was time to face the music. Buffy walked into the library to find everyone sitting around the table, looking very lost. They all looked up as Buffy entered.
"Hey, guys," she said weakly. She felt as if she could burst into tears at any moment, so she kept her voice light.
"Buffy," said Giles rising from his chair. "You're all right. What you didn't come by with Spike."
"Yeah," said Buffy sitting down in the empty seat next to Willow. Willow mouthed, What's wrong, to her, but Buffy just shrugged. "I couldn't find him." She looked around at her friends' faces. Willow, Xander, Cordy, and Oz looked back glumly. "I guess you guys know."
They all nodded. "I really didn't miss that guy," said Xander. Oz looked deep in thought, but nodded his head to that also.
"Me neither," said Willow. "Why would he want to come back here, anyways?"
"We're not sure," said Buffy. She turned to Giles. "I did find out more about the Gem, though. Most vampires know about it, but only as a myth. As long as the vampire is wearing it, they can't be killed. And it's likely set as a piece of jewelry, like a ring or something."
"That could prove helpful," said Giles, removing her glasses and wiping them on hi shirt, an act he did when he was bored or nervous. "Where did you get that information?"
"Oh," said Buffy. She hadn't thought of that. She couldn't tell them she had gotten Angel to tell her about the gem. "I, uh, just beat it out of a vampire before I killed him." Buffy fiddled with her rings. She reached for the one she had worn on her left ring finger, then remembered that it was no longer there. She placed her hands on her lap.
"Yes, well, very good," said Giles. "You all should be getting to class." Even before he was finished talking, his mind was on other things. He began to walk toward his office.
Buffy and the others stood and collected their stuff. Xander complained about Spike and Cordy talked incessantly about her nails, while Oz stood quietly with his hands dug deep in his pockets. Willow seemed to be the only person aware of Buffy's state.
"Hey," said the red head as she walked beside Buffy toward the swinging library doors. "Are you okay? Cause you don't look okay. You look a little.not okay." Willow had noticed that Buffy's state of well being had gone down over the past month. She hadn't seen her eat, but then again, Buffy didn't eat at school often anyways. But the dark circles under eyes and the thinness of her wrists made Willow worry.
"Not the best way to make someone smile, Will," said Buffy teasingly. She wanted to tell Willow what was wrong. She was her best friend, and best friends told each other everything. But this could affect all of their lives. But Buffy didn't know how much longer she could keep this secret. "I'm."she started. Then she looked down at her hands, at the finger that once held her ring. "We need to talk." Buffy walked into an empty classroom and Willow shut the door behind them. Willow sat on a desk and waited for Buffy to talk.
Buffy took a deep breath. She had to do this. "He's back," she said, her voice shaky, tears stinging the back of her eyes.
"Spike? I already knew that," Willow said.
"No, not just Spike." Willow looked into Buffy's eyes and she knew what the blonde was going to say before the three words left her mouth. "Angelus is back."
Buffy walked slowly toward the center, leaves crushing beneath her feet, to the fountain in the middle. It had been drained of water and now was filled with decay. Buffy wondered, as she sat hesitantly on the decaying stone -everything in the mansion was stone- edge, why this fountain was empty, but the small water fountain on the wall was flowing with crystal water.
She looked around, almost as if she had never seen the place before, but one of the most tragic events of her life had taken place in this horrid place. She ran her hand along the stone, reveling in its feel. It was smooth, cold, and hard, like Angel's body.
She remembered the first time she had ever touched him, when he had been stabbed in the ribs by the Three. She hadn't known he was a vampire, and she was caught off guard by the coolness of his skin, as well as his beauty. He was perfect; every inch of him she had seen was like a dream. She remembered exactly where the cut had been across his stomach. Buffy remembered nursing him back to health after Spike had preformed the ritual to restore Dru, taking away his strength. And she remembered the night they made love. The way he had been gentle and soft, the opposite of how he had been in her nightmares. The way he asked her before he did anything, and the way he whispered his loved her. She remembered what it had been like to be under him, his cool body undulating above her. She remembered every kiss, every touch, every whisper, and she was haunted by it day and night, every dream and nightmare.
Buffy could feel the tears begin to leak from her eyes. She tried to hide the tears from him, and she wished she could stop, that there was a limit on how many tears you could let fall for one person, but she couldn't stop. One tear led to another, and soon she was weeping into her hands. But the tears didn't make her feel any better.
Finally she stopped and wiped her face. She sniffed and got up, hoping she looked presentable enough. She held her chin up and walked into the other room.
Angel looked up at her the minute she walked into the room. He knew she had been in the other room. He had heard her crying. "Why lover, you're late," he said, feigning shock.
"I was detained," she said. Buffy took a look at his pallor and thinness, and turned away to keep from crying again. "Okay, you're still breathing, so to speak, so I can go." She turned to leave as he spoke.
"Leaving so soon? You just got here." Angel almost sounded like her wanted her to stay, but Buffy was smart enough to know better. She began to walk away when he said, "You're hiding something."
This time Buffy turned to face him. Buffy had a feeling he was guessing, but for some reason she wanted to tell him. "You're right. I'm hiding something." She walked closer to him, but she still stayed far enough away. "Spike's back in town. And roaming around in the daylight without sizzling."
Buffy waited for shock to cross Angel's face, but it never happened. "Well, I never even knew he was gone, but it's great that he's back, and he most likely found he Gem of Amara."
"You know about the Gem?" Buffy asked coyly. Giles didn't know much about it, and he knew almost everything about everything, so she was surprised to here that Angel knew about it.
"What vampire doesn't? Buff, the Gem is almost as notorious as you." He paused. "Most just think it's a myth. But I guess not."
"So what does it do, exactly?" Buffy figured that she should get as much info from Angel as possible. The books in the library might not be that helpful.
"It renders the wearer full immortality if they are a vampire. They can stand in the sun light, get stake, lit on fire, and nothing happens."
"So, is it like a necklace or something?" Buffy wanted to know what it was so she could get it off Spike and kill him. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't kill the two most dangerous vampires on earth. What type of Slayer what she?
Angel thought for a moment. "The last I heard, it was a ring. But that was over 75 years ago and that thing is always getting reset. For all I know, it could be a bellybutton ring." Angel paused. A scowl crossed his face. "Why am I telling you this?"
Buffy smiled. She had just hot two birds with one stone: she had found out more about the ring, and she had humiliated Angel. "Because I'm irresistible, lover." Buffy blew him a kiss and stalked saucily out of the room, Angel fuming behind her.
~
Buffy could hear voices through the screen door as she walked up the steps to the kitchen door. She knew one was her mother's, but she couldn't quite place the other one. As she reached the door, she got a clear view at the visitor.
Spike.
Buffy flew inside and was on Spike. She rushed him against the counter, bending him backward over it. Buffy's mom let out a scream and then froze from shock. Buffy reached for a stake then realized it won't do her any good. "What are you doing here," she asked angrily. "How did you got out." Buffy held his hand tightly in one hand and held his neck down with the other.
"Good ol' Rupert let me out," he said. Then he laughed. "Well, not so much let me out, per say. You know you should call and check on him. I hit him pretty hard." He smiled when Buffy's eyes went wide.
"God, I wish I could kill you," Buffy ground out between her teeth. She tightened her grip on his throat, and ground her knee into his groin.
Spike let out a small shriek of pain. "You'll pay for that, missy." Spike threw her off him, sending her backward into the cabinets. Knowing her couldn't kill her now, he turned, gave Joyce a sassy smile, and dashed out the kitchen door.
~
"I didn't let him go, Giles," said Buffy into the phone. She hissed as her mother moved the ice pack on her back. She probably wouldn't have a bruise- although her lack of food intake might change that- but it still hurt like hell. "I was unprepared, plus I don't how to kill him. I just wanted my mother safe."
"Very well," said Giles. Buffy was sure that he understood that she was frightened for Joyce. While her mom didn't seem to be very afraid of Spike- he had never posed any threat toward her and she actually found him quite charming- he could have easily killed her, and that was one of Buffy's biggest fears. "You'd best just go out and look her him." She heard Giles take a sip of something. Any other day she would have guessed it was tea, but she today she was thinking more along the lines of whisky. "You could tie him up at the old mansion."
"No," said Buffy a little too loudly and quickly, straightening as she did so and pushing the icepack into her back. She hissed and quickly thought up an excuse. "He knows it too well. If he were to get loose again, he would know where every hiding place was and every weapon. I know my way around there, but there are wings that I've never even seen entrances to. He might now the whole place by heart." As she spoke, she realized how true that was about Angel, too. She pushed that thought out of her mind. Angel is too tied too tight to get out, she told herself, but she couldn't get the thought out of her head completely.
"Good point. I guess you could just bring him back here," said Giles staking another sip of his drink. Buffy was scared to think about how much he had drunk already tonight. A drunken watcher was a scary watcher.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, we'll just have to tie him up better." Another sip. "I'll let you go."
"Okay, bye." Buffy hung up the phone and turned back to her mother. "Whatever you do, don't let him in." Buffy grabbed a stake out of one of the drawers- she kept stakes in every room in the house- and turned to leave. "Lock the door after me and don't let anyone in but me." And she was gone.
~
Buffy walked through the graveyard, her senses on full alert. She had to be ready for anyone -anything- that might be lurking in the night, especially Spike. Buffy had already checked all of his old haunts- The Bronze, the old factory, Willy's- and had come up empty. The only place she hadn't checked was the mansion. She knew if she checked there, Spike would most likely let Angel out, then she would be up against the two most powerful vampires, neither of which she could kill. She leaned against a gravestone and sighed. She felt as if she were fighting a loosing battle. No matter how hard she fought, things never got any easier. There was always some minion of hell or a new vampire clan to get rid of, and now she had to add Spike to her list.
Buffy looked around and decided that Spike wasn't in this cemetery tonight. But as she turned to leave, she felt it. Angel. Her skin tingled and her body temperature rose. Her heartbeat sped up. He was near and getting closer. Buffy turned and could see him standing about 20 feet away. Her first instinct was to run, but it wouldn't accomplish anything. So, slowly, she began to walk toward him.
"How did you get out?" It was a stupid question. She knew Spike had let him out. She was surprised at how calm she sounded. Inside she was ready to explode. She wanted to fight him, his him, kill him, and fuck him all at the same time. She didn't know which one would win out.
"Spike," he said simply. Angel walked closer. The moon cast shadows on his face, giving him an eerier appearance. "He stopped by, very surprised to see me, and then found a spare key and unchained me." Angel rubbed his wrists. "It sure feels good to have feeling in these again."
"This can only happen two ways," said Buffy. "Either I finally kill you, or you kill me." Buffy knew the latter was not happening.
"I beg to differ, Buff," said Angel. He walked up to her, quickly. He grabbed her shoulders, hard and tight so there was no way she could get out, and pulled her toward him, so she was almost pressed against the solid wall of his chest. "Like I said before," he whispered against her ear, his voice deep and husky, "you need me, like I need you. We both hate it, I know, but there's no denying it."
"No," said Buffy. She shook her head and fought, until she finally pulled out of his grip. She turned and ran, but her caught her before she could get past the mausoleum ten feet away.
He spun her around and looked into her hazel eyes. "I can feel it Buff, no matter how you deny it. I know that your blood heats up when I'm near, and I long to taste it, taste you." She looked into his eyes, and she saw that there was no threat there, only truth. "We've both tried to fight it, but we can't. I want you, more than Angel could ever want you." Buffy shook her head, fighting to accept it. "Yes, Buff, and you know why? Because I want more than just your heart. In fact, I don't give a damn about your heart."
He pushed her against the wall of the mausoleum. He moved closer, a predator after its prey. Buffy could see the hunger in his eyes. She fought back the urge to scream. This was how her nightmares would start. He'd hurt her a little, then more, until she wanted to die. Buffy prayed this was a dream.
Angel whispered in her ear, "I want your blood, Slayer. I want to claim you in every way possible, physically and emotionally, until there's no part of Him left in you. Until there is only me in your blood." Angel placed an open mouthed kiss on her neck, right above her jugular. "And you want it. You long for it. You long for the feeling of me in you again, pounding into you until you scream. You want me to hurt you and to make you feel more pleasure then you ever thought possible. Because pain goes hand in hand with pleasure." Angel kissed her deeply, his tongue thrusting in and out of her mouth, teasing her and leaving her breathless. "Say you want it," he said, his dark eyes staring brazenly into hers.
Buffy began to shake her head, to protest. She couldn't want all those things. She couldn't. Those things happened to her in her dreams, and she hated them. She loved Angel with all her heart, more than anything in the world. She hated Angelus with more passion than she could express. But weren't love and hate basically the same thing? Divided by only a thin, sometimes undeterminable line?
"Say you want it!" Angel yelled at her. Buffy cringed. He shoved her hard against the mausoleum wall, his body pressed aggressively against hers.
She could feel the cold stone threw the back of her shirt. Normal she would be able to get away, push him off her, but she had been weaker lately, mainly because of the stress he was causing her. She couldn't fight him.
"Say it!"
"Yes!" Buffy finally screamed. She couldn't fight the lust running through her veins, and the passion and need screaming for release. She wanted to feel his cool skin on hers. She needed it. She needed to feel his body above her, on her, dominating her. It may not be Angel inside, but it was his body. And part of her wanted all those things he had said, a part of her deep in side, a part that longed for the danger and the passion. "Yes," she hissed out. "I need it. I need you."
Angel captured her lips in a searing kiss. His tongue invaded her mouth, violating her, but she loved it. Excitement and fear scented her blood that ran like fire through her veins. Angel's hands ran over her body and onto her ass, lifting her and she wrapped her lags around his waist. Angel slid a hand between them and unzipped her jacket. Buffy helped him get it off, then reached for his body, touching every inch of skin she could, massaging, caressing roughly. The whole time, their lips were sealed.
Suddenly, they were moving. Buffy didn't know where they were until Angel laid her on one of the tombs in the mausoleum. Her legs dangled over the edge. They looked at each other expectantly. Buffy knew she could fight now and get away. Instead she took his face in her hands and kissed him.
~
Buffy felt Angel's fangs sink into her neck as she came. The feeling of blood leaving her body only intensified the feeling of pleasure. She yelled and grasped at his body- his back, his arms, his hair- anything to keep her grounded. She fought to catch her breath, but waves of pleasure crashed over her. She felt as if she were suffocating. The world spun around as she came down from the amazing high. She loved it.
Then it was gone. Angel pulled away. He turned without a word and began to dress. Buffy sat up and watched him. He was magnificent, his muscles rippling with each movement.
Angel could feel her eyes on him. He turned. She had a pleasant smile across her face - much like the one she wore after she made love to Angel for the first time- and he knew that she thought this changed things. He knew, deep down, it had. They were connected now. Her blood ran threw her veins. The sweetest blood ever. And then there was the fact that she was the best lay ever, despite her lack of experience. He knew what her first time with Angel had felt like, and he knew this was a hundred times better than that. But that doesn't change anything, not really, he told himself. They were still enemies.
"That was good," he said. "We'll do it again sometime." He looked at her long enough to see the smile fade from her lips and then he turned into the night.
Buffy stared at the spot where he had stood moments ago. Slowly, her minds stared to register everything had had just happened. She realized she had just slept with him, that her nightmares had come true. She's had sex with the one person on this earth she should hate. And then the tears came.
~
When Buffy woke up the next morning she was sore. Her body ached, the same way his had when she had made love to Angel on her birthday. But the, it had been a good ache, now it was a bad ache. It was a painful reminder of what she had done. She had sex with her mortal enemy, the demon that wore her love's face. And afterward, she had sat and smiled, setting herself up for the perfect hurt. She had thought it might have meant something, but it hadn't. Nothing changed. Angel had done everything short of laughing in her face afterward. She knew she must have looked pathetic. And she knew Angel thought of her as a pathetic, worthless Slayer, who happened to be a terrible lay.
She rose from bed and ignored the feeling of muscles pulling and stretching. She wanted to crawl back into bed and never leave, just bury under the covers, and never come out.
Once in the bathroom, she turned on the water and began to strip. She didn't look at herself in the mirror. She couldn't deal with it. She knew that she hadn't been taking care of herself. She hadn't been eating; she only made herself look presentable a few days a week. She knew her skin was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes because she hadn't slept. But as long as she didn't look in the mirror, they weren't real; she couldn't prove they were real.
As Buffy showered, she held back tears that were rising in her eyes. She wanted to go back in time, to before her and Angel made love, so she could change things. She would stop herself from sleeping with him on her birthday, stop all the horrible things form happening. When she stepped out of the shower, she took a brief glance at herself in the mirror. Once she saw herself, she couldn't look away. There were dark bruises on her shoulders from where Angel had dug his fingers into her to keep her from getting away. She turned and saw how red her back was from being pounded into the stone tomb. And then her neck: two swollen, red puncture marks over her jugular. She could see the bruise fading, and bite marks healing, a good sign. Then there was the fact she could almost see all her ribs when she took a deep breath in.
She turned away and pushed the picture of how she looked out of her mind.
She dressed quickly in a long sleeved button up sweater and jeans and a scarf tied around her neck to cover the bite marks. She knew even once it was healed, it would leave a faint scar, but that could be covered with makeup.
As Buffy left for school, she realized she hadn't found Spike. And now Angel was on the loose. Her plans had faltered and now it was time to face the music. Buffy walked into the library to find everyone sitting around the table, looking very lost. They all looked up as Buffy entered.
"Hey, guys," she said weakly. She felt as if she could burst into tears at any moment, so she kept her voice light.
"Buffy," said Giles rising from his chair. "You're all right. What you didn't come by with Spike."
"Yeah," said Buffy sitting down in the empty seat next to Willow. Willow mouthed, What's wrong, to her, but Buffy just shrugged. "I couldn't find him." She looked around at her friends' faces. Willow, Xander, Cordy, and Oz looked back glumly. "I guess you guys know."
They all nodded. "I really didn't miss that guy," said Xander. Oz looked deep in thought, but nodded his head to that also.
"Me neither," said Willow. "Why would he want to come back here, anyways?"
"We're not sure," said Buffy. She turned to Giles. "I did find out more about the Gem, though. Most vampires know about it, but only as a myth. As long as the vampire is wearing it, they can't be killed. And it's likely set as a piece of jewelry, like a ring or something."
"That could prove helpful," said Giles, removing her glasses and wiping them on hi shirt, an act he did when he was bored or nervous. "Where did you get that information?"
"Oh," said Buffy. She hadn't thought of that. She couldn't tell them she had gotten Angel to tell her about the gem. "I, uh, just beat it out of a vampire before I killed him." Buffy fiddled with her rings. She reached for the one she had worn on her left ring finger, then remembered that it was no longer there. She placed her hands on her lap.
"Yes, well, very good," said Giles. "You all should be getting to class." Even before he was finished talking, his mind was on other things. He began to walk toward his office.
Buffy and the others stood and collected their stuff. Xander complained about Spike and Cordy talked incessantly about her nails, while Oz stood quietly with his hands dug deep in his pockets. Willow seemed to be the only person aware of Buffy's state.
"Hey," said the red head as she walked beside Buffy toward the swinging library doors. "Are you okay? Cause you don't look okay. You look a little.not okay." Willow had noticed that Buffy's state of well being had gone down over the past month. She hadn't seen her eat, but then again, Buffy didn't eat at school often anyways. But the dark circles under eyes and the thinness of her wrists made Willow worry.
"Not the best way to make someone smile, Will," said Buffy teasingly. She wanted to tell Willow what was wrong. She was her best friend, and best friends told each other everything. But this could affect all of their lives. But Buffy didn't know how much longer she could keep this secret. "I'm."she started. Then she looked down at her hands, at the finger that once held her ring. "We need to talk." Buffy walked into an empty classroom and Willow shut the door behind them. Willow sat on a desk and waited for Buffy to talk.
Buffy took a deep breath. She had to do this. "He's back," she said, her voice shaky, tears stinging the back of her eyes.
"Spike? I already knew that," Willow said.
"No, not just Spike." Willow looked into Buffy's eyes and she knew what the blonde was going to say before the three words left her mouth. "Angelus is back."