Buffy lay in bed, thinking about what had happened earlier that day. She
had called Giles, like Willow had said, and had asked him to meet her at
the mansion. She hadn't said anything else but that. She knew that it
would be killing him not knowing, but she couldn't tell him over the phone.
About half an hour before he was supposed to be there, Angel helped Buffy out to the living room couch. He laid her down and covered her with a blanket. He sat next to her, and stroked her hair and face, neither of them saying anything- just savoring the moment.
When Buffy said it was time to leave, Angel leaned down and kissed her forehead softly and turned to go, when from behind them they heard a voice.
"Hell," said Giles. Both Buffy and Angel looked up, shocked and guilty. Giles looked beyond pissed. His jaw was clenched, and his hands where balled into fists at his side. Buffy was scared to death about what he would do. Pulling a stake out of his pocket, he looked at Angel and said, "Get away from her, you bastard!" He ran towards the vampire, stake raised at his heart.
"Giles, no!" Buffy yelled. Angel lasted out, back handing Giles and sending the watcher to the ground. Buffy screamed. If she didn't step in, Angel would very well kill Giles. Bracing herself in the arm of the couch, she began to stand just as Giles began to rise and Angel punched him again. Buffy stood, and fell, yelling at them to stop as she did.
Angel turned, his eyes wide with horror when he saw Buffy lying on the floor. He was at her side instantly, leaving Giles like he wasn't even there. Buffy was in his arms and back on the couch in seconds. Angel checked her for new wounds then held her, almost rocking her, like a mother would hold a hurt child.
Giles stood, his hand rubbing his injured jaw, mouth open at them. He wasn't expecting this. The way Angel acted when he saw Buffy was hurt, it. it startled him. He knew that Angel had almost never showed his feelings toward Buffy in public, before he turned, and he never thought that Angelus would show his either. He didn't know how, but he knew that this was Angelus, not Angel. He dropped the stake, which had somehow stayed in his hand thought out the fight. It hit the ground and the noise echoed off the stone walls. He knew that Angel would not hurt Buffy. He could tell that he had hurt her, and now, it seemed he was trying to make it up.
Angel smoothed Buffy's hair off her face and roughly kissed her forehead, then looked into her tear-rimmed eyes. I'm sorry, he mouthed. She nodded slightly, and he rose, he hand remaining on her shoulder, almost as if he was showing Giles that she was his. He turned to Giles, his eyes hard. "Don't hurt her," he said.
Giles looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I could say the same to you, but I'd be too late."
Angel growled deep in his throat, and Buffy placed a hand on his stomach to keep him at bay. "Don't, either of you." She turned to Angel, "We need to be alone," she said. Angel nodded. He looked at Giles as he bent down to kiss her cheek, his eyes never leaving the Watcher. Giles held his ground. Angel walked out of the room, and Buffy heard a door slam from one of the wings.
She looked at her hands, not wanting to look at Giles. She knew she would see disappointment in his eyes. She couldn't handle it. "Giles," she whispered. He said nothing, and she didn't hear him move. "I'm. I." She couldn't speak.
"Buffy," Giles said. She didn't look up, but she could hear him walked and he sat on the couch next to her. "Buffy," he said again, his voice stern, "Look at me."
Buffy looked up, tears running from her eyes. She swallowed hard and tried to find words to say what she needed to say. She looked at his eyes, dark and pained, and looked away. There was so much hurt, so much disappointment, all of which she had caused. Giles was one of the few people in the world that she truly cared about and who she truly trusted, and who cared and trusted her, and she betrayed all that when she lied about Angel.
"Giles," she said, her voice horse from holding back the tears. Her throat hurt and her chest tightened. "I understand that you're disappointed, and hurt, and I know what I did was wrong." She paused and took a deep, calming breath. "But please don't hate me," she looked up ask she spoke.
"Oh, Buffy," Giles whispered. While he was angry with her, he felt sorry for her. She was going threw so much, and he could only imagine what she felt. "Buffy, I am angry with you, and I am hurt, but I could never hate you." Neither of them spoke, not sure where to start. There were so many questions that had to be answered. Finally, he spoke, "Has he hurt you?" His voice was small and tight.
Buffy looked at him, then down at her hands. "In more ways than you can imagine," she said without speaking. Giles gasped, and she looked up. "Giles, not." She took a deep breath and then continued. "Angelus lived for pain, he always has. He took it out on me. He tormented me with memories and making me feel for him when I didn't want to. And even in the past few weeks, when things got the worst, part of me knew that.I don't know.that part of him didn't want it." She took a deep breath, knowing she wasn't making much sense. "He hurt me emotionally and physically, but the worst part was when he tried to make up for it, or when he was like Angel." Her voice faded out at the end.
"But he didn't do this," she said indicating to the cut and scrapes on her. Well, not all of it, she added silently.
Giles just nodded. He knew that Angelus had made her remember things about him and Angel that she didn't want to. He knew that he made her believe that he had a soul and then break her image when she hurt the most.
Once again, neither spoke.
After a minutes or so, Giles said, "How long has he been back?"
Buffy bit her lip, guilt filling her. But, she looked him in the eye and said, "A few months."
Giles eyes widened and she was sure he would do something crazy, but instead he just sat there, trying to calm himself. "Buffy," he said once he regained his composure, "Tell me everything that's happened, from the beginning."
It took her almost an hour to tell him everything, excluding the details of their private affairs; But Giles still knew that they were sleeping together. She cried almost constantly, sniffing as she tried to talk under control. Giles had sat in silence for most of the time; Buffy guessed from shock. After she had finished, Giles and her had deiced that they would bring her home the next day-her mother would be home the day after tomorrow. Joyce would be freaked out enough by her daughters wounds and she didn't need to know about Angel juts yet.
Buffy rolled over in her bed and the clock read 9:34. She hadn't seen Angel since Giles came and that had been over four hours ago. She was worried about him. She took a deep breath and sat up, then swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She was still weak, and her struggle earlier with Giles and Angel hadn't helped, but she was pretty sure she would walk into the other room without falling. She used the bed as leverage and stood. She braced herself on the wall as she made her way into the living room.
There was a fire in the hearth, but Angel was not there. She walked toward the kitchen and when she was a few feet away, she could feel Angel's presence hit her. Buffy had a feeling something wasn't good. She tried to walk faster, but a pain in her back told her to stop and she slowed. When she entered the kitchen, she was assaulted with the scent on liquor. She wrinkled her nose and looked at Angel sitting at the heavy oak table. He was hunched over, a bottle of whisky in one hand, the other holding his head. There was another empty bottle next to him. Buffy wondered if that other bottle had been full before he had reached it.
She began to walk toward her and he looked up. His skin looked paler, if it was possible, and his eyes looked almost bloodshot. "Buffy," he said, "What are you doing up? You're hurt, you should be in bed." She didn't say anything but began to walk closer to him. He stood and in the process, knocked the alcohol bottle to the floor. It shattered and glass and liquid went everywhere. "Crap," he said and bent down tot pick up the pieces. "Don't move, you might step on the glass," he told her roughly.
Buffy ignored his comment and sat down in the chair next to the one he had been in. "You're drunk," she said flatly.
Angel let out a breath and laughed sarcastically. "Not drunk, yet. Tipsy maybe." He looked up at her. "It takes a lot to get a vampire drunk, and believe it or not, I haven't had as much as it takes." As he reached for a shard of glass, he sliced open his finger. "Fuck," he said loudly as crimson blood seeped from the wound. He dropped the glass he had been holding and squeezed his finger.
Buffy stood and he began to protest to her. She held up her hand. Moving carefully around the glass, she knelt down beside him and looked him in the eyes. She ran a hand down his cheek and over his lips. "Giles is going to take me home tomorrow." He opened him mouth to speak, but Buffy placed two fingers over his mouth. "My mother is going to be home, and she doesn't know your back. I can't tell her yet, that means I can't stay here." She rose up on her knees and looked down at him. She took his hands a said softly, "Angel, this is my last night here." She kissed his palm and looked into his dark eyes. He said nothing. "And I don't want to spend it alone," she said boldly.
Angel instantly protested. "Buffy, you're weak. And I. I'm not real steady tonight."
"Angel," she said. She placed his hand over her heart. "You said yourself that you weren't drunk. I know you won't hurt me." She moved closer to him until his head was directly in front of her breasts. "I trust you." She leaned down and kissed his forehead, pulled him into her. He laid his head in between her breasts, and wrapped his arms around her.
He lifted her into his arms and carried her swiftly into his bedroom. He laid her down softly, and he knew that when her head hit the pillow and she didn't protest, that she had no regrets about loving him.
~
Buffy had been home two days when Willow brought Xander over. Willow had told him that Buffy had been hurt, but that was all. When he got there and saw her lying in bed, scraped and bandaged up, he ran to her side and took her hand. He started asking questions. Most started with how and why. When he finally shut up to take a breath, Buffy said, "Xander, calm down. I'm fine." She looked at Willow for help, but her friend just sat in the chair at her desk. "Xand, there's something that I have to tell you. And you might not like it." Xander nodded and she said quickly, "Angelus is back. And I'm not going to kill him." Xander did nothing. He looked up Buffy blankly, his eyes glazed over. Buffy looked at Willow who looked from Xander to Buffy, and back to Xander. "Xander?" asked Buffy. She waved her hand in front of his face, but he made no reaction.
Then he started laughing. Not a "haha yeah right" laugh, but a full hearty laugh. He looked from Buffy to Willow, laughing so hard both girls thought he would choke. Then he passed out. His head fell beside Buffy on the bed. The blonde looked to her best friend, who's eyes were wide. "Well, I knew he would freak, but that." Buffy said.
"Was just weird," Willow finished for her.
~
Willow and Buffy had managed to get Xander in a sitting position next to the bed on the floor. Willow had tried yelling at him to get him to wake up, but it hadn't helped. Finally, Buffy hit him across the cheek. It wasn't hard enough to hurt him, she didn't have the strength to do that, but his eyes flickered open. He blinked a few times, and then looked around. Then his brain kicked in and he jumped to his feet. Willow jumped back, startled.
"Xander," said Buffy, "be careful." She was still sitting up in bed. "I know this is all a shock for you, but I need to you not do anything crazy."
He looked her in the eye and Buffy was taken aback by the look he gave her. If looked could kill, she would have stopped breathing. "Not do anything crazy?" he asked. "There's a known viscous killer on the loose and you want me to do nothing about it? Sorry Buff, but I think you might have hit your head a little too hard this time."
Buffy scowled at his remark. But before she could speak, Willow said, "Xander, there's a lot you don't know. Before you so anything, I think you should listen."
Xander acted as if he hadn't heard her. "Did he do that to you," he said indicating to her wounds.
"No," she said. Her voice was stern. She was trying to show him who was in charge. "This has almost nothing to do with him."
"Almost nothing," he said. "Almost is the key word, Buff." He walked up to her and touched the bruise above her right eye. Buffy winced. "He hurt you. And he'll hurt other people, if someone doesn't kill him."
"That someone is not going to be you," Buffy shot back. She was beyond angry with him for acting the way he was. She had finally come to terms with not killing Angel and what was happening between them, but now Xander had brought it all back to the surface. "I know that you never liked Angel, and I know that the minute he turned you were glad because you finally got a chance to hate him and not be looked down upon. But things are different now. And you will not go near him." Xander tried to protest, but Buffy spoke again. "Not because you'll kill him, but because you'll get killed."
Xander didn't speak. Buffy knew that he was acting the way he was partly because he was in shock. But she also knew that if he realized how stupid he was being, he would calm down. "Now, if you want to hear the rest of the story, you can stay, if not, I really could use the rest," said Buffy.
"I'll go," he said. "You can tell me when you're feeling better," he said. He tuned to leave.
"Will," said Buffy. "Go with him. He's not thinking clearly right now, and I don't know what he'll do." Willow nodded and followed Xander into the hallway. Buffy hear the front door close and she took a deep breath. She was glad that the only person she had to deal with telling now was her mother, and she didn't need to know about Angel any time soon.
~
Later that night, after Joyce was asleep, Buffy rolled out do bed and dressed. She was restless. The medicine her mother was having her take for pain kept her up. She was feeling much better. Walking no longer hurt, as long as she moved slowly, and her bruises were starting to fade. She was almost back up to eating correctly, mostly because her mother had been forcing her to eat every few hours. The wound on her stomach still hurt deeply, as well as the few deeper cuts that still had bandages on them. But her Slayer healing powers, as well as Angel's blood, had sped up her healing abilities. While she still wasn't strong enough to patrol, she felt fine and safe enough to take a walk over to find Angel.
She walked down stairs and slipped out the back door. Normally, she would go out her bedroom window, but she didn't think she could make it to the ground safely. After she closed the door, and looked around and decided she would walk along the sidewalk rather than go threw the words. She was less likely to run into trouble. Even thought she wasn't patrolling, she still carried a stake and holly water and a cross, the three things she never left home without. Half way down her street, she took a left and then an immediate right and she was at the cemetery. Going threw there was the only way to get to the mansion that didn't involve a car.
Almost no one living in Sunnydale knew much about the large mansion on Crawford Street. It was old, one of the oldest building, if not the oldest, in the small town. No one had live in it for at least eighty years, and no one had been up there since Angel and Spike and Dru had move in last year. To get there, you had to take a road that took you out of town, and then back in and ended at the driveway of the mansion. Or, you could walk threw one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale and walk threw the woods to the gardens of the mansion. Buffy had only once gone by car when her and Giles had gone and looked for a group of Slithac demons they though were living up there. It turned out to be deer.
Buffy pushed open the gates to the cemetery with some difficulty- normally she could push them open as if they were nothing but a sheet hanging in her way- and walked threw. Her sensed were on alert for vamps or other nasties, but she made it past the graves and crypts to the woods without any problems. There was a slightly visible path leading to the mansion, mostly from Buffy, the Gang, and Angel tacking threw there. To a passer by, they would just think it was a small opening for a rabbit or other wood animal. But the local vamps knew where it led, and stayed clear, not wanting to deal with Angel or the Slayer. The stupider vamps, well, they died pretty soon after they found the path.
Buffy pushed a branch out of her way and walked slowly toward the mansion. Normally, she could just walk threw and not notice if a branch touched her. But tonight, she was careful not to hurt herself further. Once she reached the clearing where the garden used to be- now it was basically a over grown weed garden- she walked a little quicker up the stairs to the sun room.
Once inside, she stopped to look around. Not much had changed since the last time she had really taken time to stop and look. Dead roses still twisted around the stone pillars and the fountain was still dry and filled with dead plants. The only difference was Buffy thought it looked beautiful. The roses and dark stone created a surreal romantic feel and Buffy just wanted to stay in there. She had always loved things with a Gothic feel.
Buffy picked a dead rose from one of the pillars. The dried leaves and petals crackled under her fingers. She lifted the rose to her nose, but the flower had long since lost its scent. She dropped the flower and walked into the living room. There was a fire in the hearth but the room was empty. Even so, she could still feel Angel's presence. She walked threw the living room and toward his bedroom. When she entered his room, she could hear the shower going. She looked around his room. The bed sheets were disheveled and his clothes lay on the floor near his dresser. She guessed he had woken up not too long ago. She walked to his bed and crawled into it. She sat again the headboard and wrapped the blankets around her. She breathed deeply and inhaled his scent. As she closed her eyes and imagined him lying in this bed, his arms around her, kissing her and loving her, the water turned off and she heard the shower door open.
Her eyes opened just in time to see Angel emerging from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Water dripped off his body and his hair hung limply around his head. He looked gorgeous. Buffy smiled as her eyes ran over his smooth chest.
"Hey," he said, a little startled. "What are you doing here?" He walked over to the bed and sat next to her.
"I thought you would be glad to see me," Buffy teased. She stuck out her lower lip and gave a fake pout.
"I am, " he said. He ran his fingers over her cheek and jaw. "I juts don't know if it's good idea that you're out at night yet. You're still weak."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I've been getting stronger." She took a deep breath. "I feel coped up just laying in bed all day. I need to do something." She leaned forward. "Plus," she said sensually, "I wanted to see you." She kissed him, placing a hand on his cheek. She pulled away after a second, not letting the kiss deepen. She looked into his eyes and said nothing for almost a minute and then she took a deep breath.
"Buffy?" Angel asked. She blinked and looked at him. "You okay baby?"
"Yeah." Her voice was breathy and sexy. She wanted him. "Kiss me."
Angel was happy to oblige. He kissed her lips softly, then her cheeks and then followed her jaw line down to her neck. He licked and sucked on her jugular, sending little shivers threw her. He was imitating biting her, and as much as she didn't want to admit it -as much as she knew it was wrong- it turned her on and made her want him more. Angel's teeth gently scrapped along her skin and Buffy held his head to her. She moved so she was sitting facing him, her legs wrapped around his waist. His hands ran along her back, tracing the bandage that wrapped around her waist. He moved away from her neck and looked up into her eyes. She looked back threw heavy lids and moved to kiss him.
But Angel pulled away. He pulled away from her entirely and stood. He made sure his towel was wrapped around his waist. Buffy looked at him curiously and was about to speak when Angel asked, "You got off on that?" It didn't' come out as a question.
"Huh?" asked Buffy. She didn't understand what he was doing. All she wanted was to touch him.
"When I pretended to bite you," he said. "You got turned on." He spoke hesitantly, as if he were speaking to a child who didn't understand something.
Buffy didn't like being talked to that way. "Yeah, what's your point?" She was getting impatient.
"You shouldn't," he said. There was almost a touch of disgust in his voice. "Humans shouldn't want vampires to bite them." When he spoke, he didn't look at her. It was like he was talking to himself.
"Angel," said Buffy. She rose from the bed and walked toward him. "What's wrong? So what if I liked the way it felt to have you kiss my neck. It's not like you bit me."
"But if I had, would you have pulled away?" he asked her sternly. He stood over her, his face inches from hers. Buffy swallowed hard. She wasn't sure how to answer. The wrong answer could turn him against her. "Buffy, when a vampire bites another during sex, it's." his voice trailed off. "The bottom line is, you shouldn't like it. And you especially shouldn't get off on it." He turned away from her and walked to the closet. He roughly pulled open the doors and pulled out a shirt and pants.
"Angel," she said. He turned back to her. "I need to know. I need to know why." Her voice took on a pleading tone as she spoke. "There are so many things about you, about vampires in general, that I need to know. Like that, and like why you can love Darla or Dru and not me."
Angel signed and dropped his clothes. He walked back to her and circled his arms around her. Buffy sank into his embrace and closed her eyes. She could feel the dampness of his skin seeping threw her own clothes. They stayed like that for a while, then Angel pulled away and took her hand, and lead her to the bed. Buffy moved onto the bed and sat with up against the headboard, and Angel sat next to her.
"Buffy, vampires are different from humans, in more ways than I think you understand," Angel said. He took her hand and traces the delicate lines on her palm. "For vampires, blood is life. When a vampire bites someone, they can choose if hurts the victim, or if it's enjoyable, pleasurable." He looked at her to make sure she understood. She did. "Blood is almost anyways involved with sex. It's a pleasurable act for both beings. If I were to bite you, you would most likely orgasm from it." He paused and Buffy blushed. She want him to tell her these things, she needed to understand. And she was sure she could handle it. She didn't think she would blush.
"Buffy, I gave you a lot of my blood the other day, and if I had bitten you a few minutes ago, it might have turned you," he said softly. Buffy gasped. She hadn't even thought of that. All she had wanted was for him to touch her, to make her feel. "Buffy, you shouldn't want me to bite you. Humans just shouldn't."
"But Angel," Buffy said, "when you touched me, it felt so good." She touched her neck where his lips had been. "I don't know why, but the thought of you pretending to bite me, it makes me." she trailed off, not able to say the rest to him. She blushed again. "I know it's wrong, but."
"Buffy, I know. I know that you enjoyed it." He took an unneeded breath, something he had been doing a lot of lately. "I don't know why you enjoy it, though. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you have taken some of my blood-" Buffy sucked in her breath. She still wasn't at terms with that fact yet. "I'm just afraid that if I do that again, and if you don't stop me, I'll bite you."
Buffy nodded. Everything made a little more sense than it did before, but she was still confused. She laid her head back and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and sighed. "I don't understand vampires," she said and laughed lightly. Angel smiled.
Suddenly the phone rang. Both Buffy and Angel jumped in shock. Buffy didn't even know that Angel had a phone. Angel let out a frustrated sigh and reached over Buffy to pick up the receiver. "Hello," he said. There was a pause. "Giles, calm down. She's right here." Buffy's eyes widened. She didn't know that Giles knew Angel's number. She would ask him about it later. "Ok," said Angel. "Yeah, bye." He hung up the receiver. "You're mom checked in your room and freaked out when she saw you weren't there."
"Oh," said Buffy. "I didn't think she's check on me. She must be freaking out."
"Giles isn't going to tell you're mom anything, so when you get home, just tell her you went for a walk." Buffy nodded and got off the bed. "Let me change and I'll walk you home," Angel said.
"Ok," she said. She sat back down on the edge of the bed while he pulled on some clothes, doing her best not to stare at him. Once he was dressed, he led the way out of the room and then out of the mansion.
Most of the way to Buffy's house, neither of them spoke. They walked close to each other, barely touching. They were both very aware of each other, and they both knew that neither of them wanted to say good-bye. When they were at the front of her house, Angel bent down and kissed her. It was soft and passionate. Buffy held into his shoulders and he placed both hands on either side of her waist. The kiss deepen and when Buffy pulled away, she was panting. They both wanted more.
"Go up into my room, threw the window," she told him. "Hide in the closet until I come up alone." She kissed him again, roughly and deeply, letting her need for him show threw. When they pulled away, he said nothing, but turned and walked toward the back of her house. Buffy took a deep breath and tried to slow her breathing. She wanted him so badly. Buffy walked to her house and walked in threw the front door, her mother sat on the couch, a cup of tea in her hands.
"Oh God, Buffy," Joyce said when she saw her daughter. "Where were you?" She stood and walked to her daughter.
"I just went out for a walk," Buffy said. "I couldn't sleep. I didn't mean to scare you."
"I know, you never do," said Joyce, sadness in her voice. She smiled. "I'm just glad you're okay. Well, do you need any help getting back to bed?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm much more tired now," said Buffy. She faked a yawn and her mother laughed lightly. "Good night," said Buffy. She walked up the stairs slowly, doing her best not to let the look of happiness spread across her features. Once she reached the top and turned so her mother could no longer see her, she moved quicker toward her room. She opened and door and shut it immediately behind her. "Angel," she said. She was breathing quickly and her heart was beating in her chest.
Angle opened the door to her closet and walked to meet her in the center of the room. They embraced and kissed, passionately and needy. They both wanted each other. Buffy didn't wait to start to pull off his duster and then unbutton his shirt. Within seconds he was shirtless and he was pulling her tee over her head. They continued to kiss, only breaking away for moments for Buffy to catch her breath and to remove an object of clothing. Soon both were naked at awkwardly moving toward the bed, still in each other's embrace.
As they moved under the covers, Buffy whispered, "We have to be quiet. If we're too loud, my mom will be able to hear us." Angel nodded and kissed her. As they joined, Buffy sighed and kissed him back. Neither made a noise during their lovemaking save for breathy signs and hushed pants. Angel teased her and made her want to scream for him to stop, but every time he covered her mouth with his to silence her.
Afterwards, they laid together for a long time, just stoking each other's skin and hair. Neither spoke, whether for fear of waking Joyce or breaking the moment, neither knew. Finally, Buffy yawned and Angel moved off her. He rolled them over and she lay her head on his chest. She was asleep within minutes. Angel stayed awake, listening to the sound of her heart and her breathing, much like he had the first night he had spent in her room.
About half an hour before he was supposed to be there, Angel helped Buffy out to the living room couch. He laid her down and covered her with a blanket. He sat next to her, and stroked her hair and face, neither of them saying anything- just savoring the moment.
When Buffy said it was time to leave, Angel leaned down and kissed her forehead softly and turned to go, when from behind them they heard a voice.
"Hell," said Giles. Both Buffy and Angel looked up, shocked and guilty. Giles looked beyond pissed. His jaw was clenched, and his hands where balled into fists at his side. Buffy was scared to death about what he would do. Pulling a stake out of his pocket, he looked at Angel and said, "Get away from her, you bastard!" He ran towards the vampire, stake raised at his heart.
"Giles, no!" Buffy yelled. Angel lasted out, back handing Giles and sending the watcher to the ground. Buffy screamed. If she didn't step in, Angel would very well kill Giles. Bracing herself in the arm of the couch, she began to stand just as Giles began to rise and Angel punched him again. Buffy stood, and fell, yelling at them to stop as she did.
Angel turned, his eyes wide with horror when he saw Buffy lying on the floor. He was at her side instantly, leaving Giles like he wasn't even there. Buffy was in his arms and back on the couch in seconds. Angel checked her for new wounds then held her, almost rocking her, like a mother would hold a hurt child.
Giles stood, his hand rubbing his injured jaw, mouth open at them. He wasn't expecting this. The way Angel acted when he saw Buffy was hurt, it. it startled him. He knew that Angel had almost never showed his feelings toward Buffy in public, before he turned, and he never thought that Angelus would show his either. He didn't know how, but he knew that this was Angelus, not Angel. He dropped the stake, which had somehow stayed in his hand thought out the fight. It hit the ground and the noise echoed off the stone walls. He knew that Angel would not hurt Buffy. He could tell that he had hurt her, and now, it seemed he was trying to make it up.
Angel smoothed Buffy's hair off her face and roughly kissed her forehead, then looked into her tear-rimmed eyes. I'm sorry, he mouthed. She nodded slightly, and he rose, he hand remaining on her shoulder, almost as if he was showing Giles that she was his. He turned to Giles, his eyes hard. "Don't hurt her," he said.
Giles looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I could say the same to you, but I'd be too late."
Angel growled deep in his throat, and Buffy placed a hand on his stomach to keep him at bay. "Don't, either of you." She turned to Angel, "We need to be alone," she said. Angel nodded. He looked at Giles as he bent down to kiss her cheek, his eyes never leaving the Watcher. Giles held his ground. Angel walked out of the room, and Buffy heard a door slam from one of the wings.
She looked at her hands, not wanting to look at Giles. She knew she would see disappointment in his eyes. She couldn't handle it. "Giles," she whispered. He said nothing, and she didn't hear him move. "I'm. I." She couldn't speak.
"Buffy," Giles said. She didn't look up, but she could hear him walked and he sat on the couch next to her. "Buffy," he said again, his voice stern, "Look at me."
Buffy looked up, tears running from her eyes. She swallowed hard and tried to find words to say what she needed to say. She looked at his eyes, dark and pained, and looked away. There was so much hurt, so much disappointment, all of which she had caused. Giles was one of the few people in the world that she truly cared about and who she truly trusted, and who cared and trusted her, and she betrayed all that when she lied about Angel.
"Giles," she said, her voice horse from holding back the tears. Her throat hurt and her chest tightened. "I understand that you're disappointed, and hurt, and I know what I did was wrong." She paused and took a deep, calming breath. "But please don't hate me," she looked up ask she spoke.
"Oh, Buffy," Giles whispered. While he was angry with her, he felt sorry for her. She was going threw so much, and he could only imagine what she felt. "Buffy, I am angry with you, and I am hurt, but I could never hate you." Neither of them spoke, not sure where to start. There were so many questions that had to be answered. Finally, he spoke, "Has he hurt you?" His voice was small and tight.
Buffy looked at him, then down at her hands. "In more ways than you can imagine," she said without speaking. Giles gasped, and she looked up. "Giles, not." She took a deep breath and then continued. "Angelus lived for pain, he always has. He took it out on me. He tormented me with memories and making me feel for him when I didn't want to. And even in the past few weeks, when things got the worst, part of me knew that.I don't know.that part of him didn't want it." She took a deep breath, knowing she wasn't making much sense. "He hurt me emotionally and physically, but the worst part was when he tried to make up for it, or when he was like Angel." Her voice faded out at the end.
"But he didn't do this," she said indicating to the cut and scrapes on her. Well, not all of it, she added silently.
Giles just nodded. He knew that Angelus had made her remember things about him and Angel that she didn't want to. He knew that he made her believe that he had a soul and then break her image when she hurt the most.
Once again, neither spoke.
After a minutes or so, Giles said, "How long has he been back?"
Buffy bit her lip, guilt filling her. But, she looked him in the eye and said, "A few months."
Giles eyes widened and she was sure he would do something crazy, but instead he just sat there, trying to calm himself. "Buffy," he said once he regained his composure, "Tell me everything that's happened, from the beginning."
It took her almost an hour to tell him everything, excluding the details of their private affairs; But Giles still knew that they were sleeping together. She cried almost constantly, sniffing as she tried to talk under control. Giles had sat in silence for most of the time; Buffy guessed from shock. After she had finished, Giles and her had deiced that they would bring her home the next day-her mother would be home the day after tomorrow. Joyce would be freaked out enough by her daughters wounds and she didn't need to know about Angel juts yet.
Buffy rolled over in her bed and the clock read 9:34. She hadn't seen Angel since Giles came and that had been over four hours ago. She was worried about him. She took a deep breath and sat up, then swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She was still weak, and her struggle earlier with Giles and Angel hadn't helped, but she was pretty sure she would walk into the other room without falling. She used the bed as leverage and stood. She braced herself on the wall as she made her way into the living room.
There was a fire in the hearth, but Angel was not there. She walked toward the kitchen and when she was a few feet away, she could feel Angel's presence hit her. Buffy had a feeling something wasn't good. She tried to walk faster, but a pain in her back told her to stop and she slowed. When she entered the kitchen, she was assaulted with the scent on liquor. She wrinkled her nose and looked at Angel sitting at the heavy oak table. He was hunched over, a bottle of whisky in one hand, the other holding his head. There was another empty bottle next to him. Buffy wondered if that other bottle had been full before he had reached it.
She began to walk toward her and he looked up. His skin looked paler, if it was possible, and his eyes looked almost bloodshot. "Buffy," he said, "What are you doing up? You're hurt, you should be in bed." She didn't say anything but began to walk closer to him. He stood and in the process, knocked the alcohol bottle to the floor. It shattered and glass and liquid went everywhere. "Crap," he said and bent down tot pick up the pieces. "Don't move, you might step on the glass," he told her roughly.
Buffy ignored his comment and sat down in the chair next to the one he had been in. "You're drunk," she said flatly.
Angel let out a breath and laughed sarcastically. "Not drunk, yet. Tipsy maybe." He looked up at her. "It takes a lot to get a vampire drunk, and believe it or not, I haven't had as much as it takes." As he reached for a shard of glass, he sliced open his finger. "Fuck," he said loudly as crimson blood seeped from the wound. He dropped the glass he had been holding and squeezed his finger.
Buffy stood and he began to protest to her. She held up her hand. Moving carefully around the glass, she knelt down beside him and looked him in the eyes. She ran a hand down his cheek and over his lips. "Giles is going to take me home tomorrow." He opened him mouth to speak, but Buffy placed two fingers over his mouth. "My mother is going to be home, and she doesn't know your back. I can't tell her yet, that means I can't stay here." She rose up on her knees and looked down at him. She took his hands a said softly, "Angel, this is my last night here." She kissed his palm and looked into his dark eyes. He said nothing. "And I don't want to spend it alone," she said boldly.
Angel instantly protested. "Buffy, you're weak. And I. I'm not real steady tonight."
"Angel," she said. She placed his hand over her heart. "You said yourself that you weren't drunk. I know you won't hurt me." She moved closer to him until his head was directly in front of her breasts. "I trust you." She leaned down and kissed his forehead, pulled him into her. He laid his head in between her breasts, and wrapped his arms around her.
He lifted her into his arms and carried her swiftly into his bedroom. He laid her down softly, and he knew that when her head hit the pillow and she didn't protest, that she had no regrets about loving him.
~
Buffy had been home two days when Willow brought Xander over. Willow had told him that Buffy had been hurt, but that was all. When he got there and saw her lying in bed, scraped and bandaged up, he ran to her side and took her hand. He started asking questions. Most started with how and why. When he finally shut up to take a breath, Buffy said, "Xander, calm down. I'm fine." She looked at Willow for help, but her friend just sat in the chair at her desk. "Xand, there's something that I have to tell you. And you might not like it." Xander nodded and she said quickly, "Angelus is back. And I'm not going to kill him." Xander did nothing. He looked up Buffy blankly, his eyes glazed over. Buffy looked at Willow who looked from Xander to Buffy, and back to Xander. "Xander?" asked Buffy. She waved her hand in front of his face, but he made no reaction.
Then he started laughing. Not a "haha yeah right" laugh, but a full hearty laugh. He looked from Buffy to Willow, laughing so hard both girls thought he would choke. Then he passed out. His head fell beside Buffy on the bed. The blonde looked to her best friend, who's eyes were wide. "Well, I knew he would freak, but that." Buffy said.
"Was just weird," Willow finished for her.
~
Willow and Buffy had managed to get Xander in a sitting position next to the bed on the floor. Willow had tried yelling at him to get him to wake up, but it hadn't helped. Finally, Buffy hit him across the cheek. It wasn't hard enough to hurt him, she didn't have the strength to do that, but his eyes flickered open. He blinked a few times, and then looked around. Then his brain kicked in and he jumped to his feet. Willow jumped back, startled.
"Xander," said Buffy, "be careful." She was still sitting up in bed. "I know this is all a shock for you, but I need to you not do anything crazy."
He looked her in the eye and Buffy was taken aback by the look he gave her. If looked could kill, she would have stopped breathing. "Not do anything crazy?" he asked. "There's a known viscous killer on the loose and you want me to do nothing about it? Sorry Buff, but I think you might have hit your head a little too hard this time."
Buffy scowled at his remark. But before she could speak, Willow said, "Xander, there's a lot you don't know. Before you so anything, I think you should listen."
Xander acted as if he hadn't heard her. "Did he do that to you," he said indicating to her wounds.
"No," she said. Her voice was stern. She was trying to show him who was in charge. "This has almost nothing to do with him."
"Almost nothing," he said. "Almost is the key word, Buff." He walked up to her and touched the bruise above her right eye. Buffy winced. "He hurt you. And he'll hurt other people, if someone doesn't kill him."
"That someone is not going to be you," Buffy shot back. She was beyond angry with him for acting the way he was. She had finally come to terms with not killing Angel and what was happening between them, but now Xander had brought it all back to the surface. "I know that you never liked Angel, and I know that the minute he turned you were glad because you finally got a chance to hate him and not be looked down upon. But things are different now. And you will not go near him." Xander tried to protest, but Buffy spoke again. "Not because you'll kill him, but because you'll get killed."
Xander didn't speak. Buffy knew that he was acting the way he was partly because he was in shock. But she also knew that if he realized how stupid he was being, he would calm down. "Now, if you want to hear the rest of the story, you can stay, if not, I really could use the rest," said Buffy.
"I'll go," he said. "You can tell me when you're feeling better," he said. He tuned to leave.
"Will," said Buffy. "Go with him. He's not thinking clearly right now, and I don't know what he'll do." Willow nodded and followed Xander into the hallway. Buffy hear the front door close and she took a deep breath. She was glad that the only person she had to deal with telling now was her mother, and she didn't need to know about Angel any time soon.
~
Later that night, after Joyce was asleep, Buffy rolled out do bed and dressed. She was restless. The medicine her mother was having her take for pain kept her up. She was feeling much better. Walking no longer hurt, as long as she moved slowly, and her bruises were starting to fade. She was almost back up to eating correctly, mostly because her mother had been forcing her to eat every few hours. The wound on her stomach still hurt deeply, as well as the few deeper cuts that still had bandages on them. But her Slayer healing powers, as well as Angel's blood, had sped up her healing abilities. While she still wasn't strong enough to patrol, she felt fine and safe enough to take a walk over to find Angel.
She walked down stairs and slipped out the back door. Normally, she would go out her bedroom window, but she didn't think she could make it to the ground safely. After she closed the door, and looked around and decided she would walk along the sidewalk rather than go threw the words. She was less likely to run into trouble. Even thought she wasn't patrolling, she still carried a stake and holly water and a cross, the three things she never left home without. Half way down her street, she took a left and then an immediate right and she was at the cemetery. Going threw there was the only way to get to the mansion that didn't involve a car.
Almost no one living in Sunnydale knew much about the large mansion on Crawford Street. It was old, one of the oldest building, if not the oldest, in the small town. No one had live in it for at least eighty years, and no one had been up there since Angel and Spike and Dru had move in last year. To get there, you had to take a road that took you out of town, and then back in and ended at the driveway of the mansion. Or, you could walk threw one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale and walk threw the woods to the gardens of the mansion. Buffy had only once gone by car when her and Giles had gone and looked for a group of Slithac demons they though were living up there. It turned out to be deer.
Buffy pushed open the gates to the cemetery with some difficulty- normally she could push them open as if they were nothing but a sheet hanging in her way- and walked threw. Her sensed were on alert for vamps or other nasties, but she made it past the graves and crypts to the woods without any problems. There was a slightly visible path leading to the mansion, mostly from Buffy, the Gang, and Angel tacking threw there. To a passer by, they would just think it was a small opening for a rabbit or other wood animal. But the local vamps knew where it led, and stayed clear, not wanting to deal with Angel or the Slayer. The stupider vamps, well, they died pretty soon after they found the path.
Buffy pushed a branch out of her way and walked slowly toward the mansion. Normally, she could just walk threw and not notice if a branch touched her. But tonight, she was careful not to hurt herself further. Once she reached the clearing where the garden used to be- now it was basically a over grown weed garden- she walked a little quicker up the stairs to the sun room.
Once inside, she stopped to look around. Not much had changed since the last time she had really taken time to stop and look. Dead roses still twisted around the stone pillars and the fountain was still dry and filled with dead plants. The only difference was Buffy thought it looked beautiful. The roses and dark stone created a surreal romantic feel and Buffy just wanted to stay in there. She had always loved things with a Gothic feel.
Buffy picked a dead rose from one of the pillars. The dried leaves and petals crackled under her fingers. She lifted the rose to her nose, but the flower had long since lost its scent. She dropped the flower and walked into the living room. There was a fire in the hearth but the room was empty. Even so, she could still feel Angel's presence. She walked threw the living room and toward his bedroom. When she entered his room, she could hear the shower going. She looked around his room. The bed sheets were disheveled and his clothes lay on the floor near his dresser. She guessed he had woken up not too long ago. She walked to his bed and crawled into it. She sat again the headboard and wrapped the blankets around her. She breathed deeply and inhaled his scent. As she closed her eyes and imagined him lying in this bed, his arms around her, kissing her and loving her, the water turned off and she heard the shower door open.
Her eyes opened just in time to see Angel emerging from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Water dripped off his body and his hair hung limply around his head. He looked gorgeous. Buffy smiled as her eyes ran over his smooth chest.
"Hey," he said, a little startled. "What are you doing here?" He walked over to the bed and sat next to her.
"I thought you would be glad to see me," Buffy teased. She stuck out her lower lip and gave a fake pout.
"I am, " he said. He ran his fingers over her cheek and jaw. "I juts don't know if it's good idea that you're out at night yet. You're still weak."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I've been getting stronger." She took a deep breath. "I feel coped up just laying in bed all day. I need to do something." She leaned forward. "Plus," she said sensually, "I wanted to see you." She kissed him, placing a hand on his cheek. She pulled away after a second, not letting the kiss deepen. She looked into his eyes and said nothing for almost a minute and then she took a deep breath.
"Buffy?" Angel asked. She blinked and looked at him. "You okay baby?"
"Yeah." Her voice was breathy and sexy. She wanted him. "Kiss me."
Angel was happy to oblige. He kissed her lips softly, then her cheeks and then followed her jaw line down to her neck. He licked and sucked on her jugular, sending little shivers threw her. He was imitating biting her, and as much as she didn't want to admit it -as much as she knew it was wrong- it turned her on and made her want him more. Angel's teeth gently scrapped along her skin and Buffy held his head to her. She moved so she was sitting facing him, her legs wrapped around his waist. His hands ran along her back, tracing the bandage that wrapped around her waist. He moved away from her neck and looked up into her eyes. She looked back threw heavy lids and moved to kiss him.
But Angel pulled away. He pulled away from her entirely and stood. He made sure his towel was wrapped around his waist. Buffy looked at him curiously and was about to speak when Angel asked, "You got off on that?" It didn't' come out as a question.
"Huh?" asked Buffy. She didn't understand what he was doing. All she wanted was to touch him.
"When I pretended to bite you," he said. "You got turned on." He spoke hesitantly, as if he were speaking to a child who didn't understand something.
Buffy didn't like being talked to that way. "Yeah, what's your point?" She was getting impatient.
"You shouldn't," he said. There was almost a touch of disgust in his voice. "Humans shouldn't want vampires to bite them." When he spoke, he didn't look at her. It was like he was talking to himself.
"Angel," said Buffy. She rose from the bed and walked toward him. "What's wrong? So what if I liked the way it felt to have you kiss my neck. It's not like you bit me."
"But if I had, would you have pulled away?" he asked her sternly. He stood over her, his face inches from hers. Buffy swallowed hard. She wasn't sure how to answer. The wrong answer could turn him against her. "Buffy, when a vampire bites another during sex, it's." his voice trailed off. "The bottom line is, you shouldn't like it. And you especially shouldn't get off on it." He turned away from her and walked to the closet. He roughly pulled open the doors and pulled out a shirt and pants.
"Angel," she said. He turned back to her. "I need to know. I need to know why." Her voice took on a pleading tone as she spoke. "There are so many things about you, about vampires in general, that I need to know. Like that, and like why you can love Darla or Dru and not me."
Angel signed and dropped his clothes. He walked back to her and circled his arms around her. Buffy sank into his embrace and closed her eyes. She could feel the dampness of his skin seeping threw her own clothes. They stayed like that for a while, then Angel pulled away and took her hand, and lead her to the bed. Buffy moved onto the bed and sat with up against the headboard, and Angel sat next to her.
"Buffy, vampires are different from humans, in more ways than I think you understand," Angel said. He took her hand and traces the delicate lines on her palm. "For vampires, blood is life. When a vampire bites someone, they can choose if hurts the victim, or if it's enjoyable, pleasurable." He looked at her to make sure she understood. She did. "Blood is almost anyways involved with sex. It's a pleasurable act for both beings. If I were to bite you, you would most likely orgasm from it." He paused and Buffy blushed. She want him to tell her these things, she needed to understand. And she was sure she could handle it. She didn't think she would blush.
"Buffy, I gave you a lot of my blood the other day, and if I had bitten you a few minutes ago, it might have turned you," he said softly. Buffy gasped. She hadn't even thought of that. All she had wanted was for him to touch her, to make her feel. "Buffy, you shouldn't want me to bite you. Humans just shouldn't."
"But Angel," Buffy said, "when you touched me, it felt so good." She touched her neck where his lips had been. "I don't know why, but the thought of you pretending to bite me, it makes me." she trailed off, not able to say the rest to him. She blushed again. "I know it's wrong, but."
"Buffy, I know. I know that you enjoyed it." He took an unneeded breath, something he had been doing a lot of lately. "I don't know why you enjoy it, though. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you have taken some of my blood-" Buffy sucked in her breath. She still wasn't at terms with that fact yet. "I'm just afraid that if I do that again, and if you don't stop me, I'll bite you."
Buffy nodded. Everything made a little more sense than it did before, but she was still confused. She laid her head back and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and sighed. "I don't understand vampires," she said and laughed lightly. Angel smiled.
Suddenly the phone rang. Both Buffy and Angel jumped in shock. Buffy didn't even know that Angel had a phone. Angel let out a frustrated sigh and reached over Buffy to pick up the receiver. "Hello," he said. There was a pause. "Giles, calm down. She's right here." Buffy's eyes widened. She didn't know that Giles knew Angel's number. She would ask him about it later. "Ok," said Angel. "Yeah, bye." He hung up the receiver. "You're mom checked in your room and freaked out when she saw you weren't there."
"Oh," said Buffy. "I didn't think she's check on me. She must be freaking out."
"Giles isn't going to tell you're mom anything, so when you get home, just tell her you went for a walk." Buffy nodded and got off the bed. "Let me change and I'll walk you home," Angel said.
"Ok," she said. She sat back down on the edge of the bed while he pulled on some clothes, doing her best not to stare at him. Once he was dressed, he led the way out of the room and then out of the mansion.
Most of the way to Buffy's house, neither of them spoke. They walked close to each other, barely touching. They were both very aware of each other, and they both knew that neither of them wanted to say good-bye. When they were at the front of her house, Angel bent down and kissed her. It was soft and passionate. Buffy held into his shoulders and he placed both hands on either side of her waist. The kiss deepen and when Buffy pulled away, she was panting. They both wanted more.
"Go up into my room, threw the window," she told him. "Hide in the closet until I come up alone." She kissed him again, roughly and deeply, letting her need for him show threw. When they pulled away, he said nothing, but turned and walked toward the back of her house. Buffy took a deep breath and tried to slow her breathing. She wanted him so badly. Buffy walked to her house and walked in threw the front door, her mother sat on the couch, a cup of tea in her hands.
"Oh God, Buffy," Joyce said when she saw her daughter. "Where were you?" She stood and walked to her daughter.
"I just went out for a walk," Buffy said. "I couldn't sleep. I didn't mean to scare you."
"I know, you never do," said Joyce, sadness in her voice. She smiled. "I'm just glad you're okay. Well, do you need any help getting back to bed?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm much more tired now," said Buffy. She faked a yawn and her mother laughed lightly. "Good night," said Buffy. She walked up the stairs slowly, doing her best not to let the look of happiness spread across her features. Once she reached the top and turned so her mother could no longer see her, she moved quicker toward her room. She opened and door and shut it immediately behind her. "Angel," she said. She was breathing quickly and her heart was beating in her chest.
Angle opened the door to her closet and walked to meet her in the center of the room. They embraced and kissed, passionately and needy. They both wanted each other. Buffy didn't wait to start to pull off his duster and then unbutton his shirt. Within seconds he was shirtless and he was pulling her tee over her head. They continued to kiss, only breaking away for moments for Buffy to catch her breath and to remove an object of clothing. Soon both were naked at awkwardly moving toward the bed, still in each other's embrace.
As they moved under the covers, Buffy whispered, "We have to be quiet. If we're too loud, my mom will be able to hear us." Angel nodded and kissed her. As they joined, Buffy sighed and kissed him back. Neither made a noise during their lovemaking save for breathy signs and hushed pants. Angel teased her and made her want to scream for him to stop, but every time he covered her mouth with his to silence her.
Afterwards, they laid together for a long time, just stoking each other's skin and hair. Neither spoke, whether for fear of waking Joyce or breaking the moment, neither knew. Finally, Buffy yawned and Angel moved off her. He rolled them over and she lay her head on his chest. She was asleep within minutes. Angel stayed awake, listening to the sound of her heart and her breathing, much like he had the first night he had spent in her room.