Wanted: Love
Ch6: Gone Forever?
Madame Pomfrey once again checked Harry's pulse. It was very faint but still there. She reported this to everyone in the room and they all breathed a sigh of relief. Harry had stopped his convulsions and was now resting somewhat peacefully with small, shallow, spaced out breaths. Now that he was somewhat better Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Ginny, Fred, and George were allowed back in the room. Snape had left but everyone else was still there and they were all very edgy, anxious, and tense. The group sat in chairs surrounding Harry's bed and no one said a thing, with the exception of Madame Pomfrey who reported that Harry was still alive every five minutes or so. And while it pleased everyone to hear that Harry was still alive, it did bother them to have to be told that he was.
As they all sat in their silence, Lavender thought to herself about that afternoon. The second they entered the Great Hall after they had been thrown out of the hospital wing all students that were in the room, with the exception of the Slytherins, had bombarded them with questions about the screaming. None of them had said anything, feeling that Harry wouldn't want the entire school to know that he was practically dying on a hospital bed. The professors in the Hall seemingly felt the same way as they ordered everyone to take their seats and not to ask questions. At the Gryffindor table, they had all piled their plates full of food but none ate anything. Hermione was still sobbing to herself and ignored everyone who tried to talk to her. Lavender had to admit that as bad as she felt about Harry it was probably nothing compared to what Hermione felt. She had always had a feeling that Hermione liked Harry, in fact, when she told Ron this he had laughed and said that it was about time she caught on. But now, now she knew that Hermione didn't in fact "like" Harry she was pretty sure that it stretched passed how she and Ron felt about each other.
That moment Lavender promised herself that when Harry was better she would have to play matchmaker with two. The six that had been in the hospital wing were beginning to slowly wind down and were almost ready to talk with each other about it when the doors to the Hall slammed open and Arthur Weasley ran to the head table. After a quick word with Snape, the two hurried out of the room as quickly as Arthur had entered. Once they were out of sight excited whispers bounced off the walls of students starting new rumors.
'The hell they know.' Lavender had thought to herself. With that and a quick glance at her friends they all nodded and left the Great Hall, following the two wizards back to the hospital wing.
But now Lavender was beginning to wish that she hadn't returned. Harry might as well be dead.
'No! Don't you dare think that!' she scolded herself silently. She turned her head downward and stared at her hands in her lap. What kind of friend was she that she wished him dead?
Well you didn't really wish it. You were just thinking that he looks dead.' her mind reasoned.
Still, she felt ashamed of herself. Her self pity, however, was broken as Harry took in a sudden, sharp gasp for air before losing all movement. Quickly, Madame Pomfrey felt for a pulse but found none she looked up grimly and shook her head. Instantly everyone in the room sprang up and started shaking Harry and shouting at him but it did no good, he was gone. Not that they noticed. They continued to yell and scream and poke and shake him, trying with desperate hope to reawaken him.
_~_~_~_~
Harry started down the left tunnel. However, just a few steps into the tunnel something came over him, a feeling of warmth.
"Harry! Wake up!" a familiar voice shouted out of no where.
"What?" he asked walking back to the entrance to the tunnel. He looked around but saw no one.
Shrugging, he started down the tunnel again until another voice reached him, "Don't you dare leave me, Harry!"
Narrowing his eyes he spun around but saw no one.
"Who's there?" he asked.
"They're just shadows of the past. Pay them no heed." said the voice. Harry nodded and continued on his way.
"You can't leave me too! Harry, you can't die, dammit!"
Harry recognized this voice.
"Sirius." he whispered.
More and more voices started to echo off the walls, getting louder by the minute. Harry recognized them all. Other than Sirius, there was Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Ginny, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Fred and George. Harry jogged back to the entrance to the tunnel.
"Where are you!?" he shouted.
"They are but memories of the past." said the voice.
Biting his lip, Harry stepped out of the left tunnel and stared down the right one.
"Maybe. . .maybe I should go back." he said quietly.
"Harry! Don't give up! You can do it!" shouted the voice of Ron. Harry smiled and took a step down the right tunnel.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." said the voice.
"Why not?" asked Harry, indignant.
"Have you forgotten all the pain you had to go through? All the suffering? The guilt? Are you willing to go through all that again? Especially when it can be avoided? They don't really care about you. No one's ever cared for you. Have you forgotten your relatives? Would they really treat you like that if you didn't deserve it? And your parents. . ." started the voice.
This caught Harry's attention, "What about my parents!?"
"They wouldn't have died if it wasn't for you. Voldemort would have had no reason to kill them. Admit it, you don't deserve to live, do you, you murderer?" asked the voice.
Harry heaved a shaky sigh. The voice was right. His friends didn't need him, they would get over it. He had always been a burden to the real world and it had always been a burden to him. It punished him in the form of the Dursleys and he, in turn, punished it in the form of Voldemort. It was his fault that Voldemort came back. It was his fault that all those innocent people had to die. His parents, Cedric, everyone. Everything was his fault. If it wasn't for him then peace would still be enveloping the planet instead of the war and so many innocents would have been spared. He didn't deserve to live. He deserved to die.
Blinking back a tear at his own thoughts, Harry made his way back to the left tunnel, the tunnel that he deserved. The voices of his friends still echoed in his head but he pushed them aside. This was for the best. As he reached the end of the tunnel there was a blinding light. Harry covered his eyes.
"Go ahead. One more step and you'll be free forever." said the voice. Harry took a deep breath and was about to take the step when a voice entered his mind, one that he couldn't push aside.
"Harry Potter. You are not meant to die now. Come back to us." Dumbledore's voice replayed over and over in Harry's mind.
"I'm. . .not supposed to die?" Harry asked, confused.
"Don't listen to him. You aren't needed. You never were and never will be." said the voice.
"Harry. Come back. Don't give up hope." Dumbledore's voice flowed through his mind.
"I'm not supposed to, am I?" Harry asked himself softly but firmly.
"Don't listen to that fool! You deserve to die! You brought all the pain and agony to the world! It's your fault! All your fault!" the voice, which had been gentle and trustworthy, had turned malicious and Harry now knew where he had heard it.
"Voldemort!" Harry yelled. (AN: How many of you saw that one coming?)
Voldemort's holographic self appeared in the center of the light, "Harry Potter. How nice to see you again." Harry glared at him. How could he have trusted him?
"Very easily, apparently." Voldemort said.
"Get out of my head!" Harry demanded.
"You're in my dimension. I can do whatever I want. Now, why don't you come on and embrace death." said Voldemort smirking.
"I'm not going anywhere you want me to! You bastard!" said Harry as he huffily turned around and started to run towards the entrance of the tunnel.
"You seem to have misunderstood." Voldemort's voice illuminated the entire tunnel, "It wasn't an option. Welcome the darkness! It is your destiny!"
With that a powerful wind started out of nowhere and started to push him back to where Voldemort was waiting. The light that had seemed inviting disappeared and a deep pit with very sharp, metal spikes at the bottom appeared. Harry could have kicked himself. He was about to walk right into death without realizing. Not that it seemed like he was going to make it out alive anyway. (AN: Okay, so it's not his real body there but if your soul is killed so are you. Or so says me, anyway.) Harry closed his eyes and waited for death to come. He was still trying to walk against the wind but it was proving fruitless.
"Give it up, Potter. Why not just make things easy on yourself and die now rather than later?" asked Voldemort.
This only edged Harry on, he tried his best to fight the wind's awesome power but he couldn't. Then, suddenly, Harry couldn't feel the wind beating against his face anymore nor did he hear Voldemort's taunting voice drilling into his head anymore. Cautiously, Harry opened one eye. What he saw amazed him. He was back at the beginning of the two tunnels.
'How'd I do that?' he asked himself. Only one thing came to mind.
'Did I apparate?' he asked himself.
He didn't have time to brood on it, though, for at that moment he heard Voldemort's angry yell echoing out of the left tunnel. Heart beating a million miles per minute, Harry started sprinting down the right tunnel. This one seemed much longer than the other one, but he didn't think about it. All he had to concentrate on was getting to the end of the tunnel before Voldemort. Harry continually closed his eyes and hoped that he would apparate again but it didn't work.
'Not surprising considering I didn't know I was doing it the first time.' thought Harry.
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't figure everything out." Hermione's voice bounced inside his head.
"It's not your fault Hermione." Harry shouted out but he doubted she could hear him.
He could hear her sobs echoing off the walls, getting louder by the minute. Harry squeezed his hand into a fist and was almost certain he could feel someone's hand in his. He brushed it off as nerves; however, and started to run faster than he had before. After what seemed like an eternity, Harry finally reached the end of the tunnel which also had a bright light obscuring the view. He was beginning to have doubts as to whether or not Voldemort had booby trapped this one too but it was then that he heard angry footsteps stalking towards him. Without another thought, Harry launched himself into the light.
_~_~_~_~
Thirty minutes had passed since Harry had been pronounced dead. Dumbledore had gone to announce it to the students, and Hagrid had gone to tell the centaurs as he had promised to keep them updated. Molly was still hysterical and had been taken down to the kitchen to get a cup of tea by Arthur. Sirius was busy yelling at Madame Pomfrey for not saving him as she yelled back that she did all that she could have done. It was apparent that she was going through as much pain as everyone else and did, indeed, feel guilty for not saving him. Fred and George had gone back to the common room to talk with themselves as Ginny, Lavender, Ron, and Hermione were left sitting by Harry. Ginny was sitting by herself in a chair, rocking back and forth. Lavender and Ron were embracing though their eyes never left Harry's lifeless body. Hermione was, by far, the worst off of all. She was still kneeling next to his bed, her head resting on Harry's chest, crying softly to herself.
"I'm so sorry." she whispered over and over into his chest, "I'm sorry I didn't figure everything out."
His body was now losing heat and his face was draining of color so the dried blood on his chin stuck out more than then ever but she didn't care. She would never leave his side. They would have to kill her to get her away from him. Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry and hugged him with all the strength she could muster, which wasn't very much. She completely blamed herself for letting Harry die. If she had only used her brain. There were so many signs. How could she have missed them all? She could have and should have figured it out and done something. Hermione squeezed her hands into tight fists, gripping Harry's sweat soaked pajamas. She was about to let out a high-pitched scream of anguish when she noticed something, however faint it was. Was it her imagination or was his heart beating again?
'No! Stop it Hermione! Don't do this to yourself." she ordered herself. But at the same time she could help but hope that it was real. Discretely, so as not to alert the others in the room as to what she was doing, she brought her hand up to his neck. There was a pulse! Eyes wide as saucers, she slowly raised herself off Harry's chest.
"Harry?" she whispered almost inaudibly. She felt her hand being gripped gently at first, but then more firmly. Disbelieving her senses, Hermione looked down at her hand. Harry was squeezing it! Hermione let out an excited squeal.
She threw her arms around him and drew him into a fierce hug, "Harry! Oh my god! Don't you ever do that again!"
Everyone in the room suddenly was very aware of everything. At first they stared at Hermione in disbelief. She was probably delirious.
"Hermione. . .Hermione, please, he's dead. Please don't do this." said Ginny softly.
"No! No he's not! He squeezed my hand! He did! He's alive!" shouted Hermione excitedly. Still not believing it, they all moved over to get a better look.
Harry's chest was rising steadily. Everyone let out a shout of surprise. How could he be alive after being dead for thirty minutes? But after the initial shock wore off, no one cared. Harry was back! He wasn't dead!
"Harry! Come on, wake up! You're almost there!" said Sirius. Harry emitted a moan and Sirius whooped.
"He really is alive!" he shouted.
"Harry? We're all here. Wake up!" urged Ron. Harry's eyes twitched as if he was trying to open them but having difficulty. Madame Pomfrey came over with a bottle in her hand.
"Here you go. Drink this." she said tipping the liquid into his mouth. Harry coughed but then slowly opened his eyes. Lavender put his glasses on and soon he could see who was in the room with him.
He smiled weakly, "Hi." Satisfied that he was indeed alive, Madame Pomfrey left to go find Dumbledore. Everyone else, however, laughed and all drew him into one big group hug.
"You need to stop doing that, Harry, or I'm going to have more white hairs than Dumbledore." joked Sirius as he helped Harry into a sitting position.
Harry smiled sheepishly, "It's not like I mean to. Stuff just seems to happen."
"I'd say so." laughed Sirius.
"That's got to be another record. Thirty minutes! How'd you do it Harry?" asked Ron.
"Thirty minutes?" asked Harry. The five suddenly looked uncomfortable.
"Harry, you were dead for thirty minutes." said Lavender quietly.
Harry shrugged, "That's because I went down the wrong tunnel." They all looked at him oddly.
"Tunnel, Harry?" asked Hermione.
"Yeah, but then I apparated to the beginning of the other one so I was fine." said Harry smiling. At this everybody looked like he was crazy.
"Harry, are you okay?" asked Ginny.
"Yeah, fine. . .well, a little tired but other than that. Why?" Harry asked.
"Tunnels? Apparating? Harry we don't even learn that till next year." said Lavender.
Harry shrugged again, "I know. I don't know how I did it. But just before Voldemort's spell got me I got away. I don't see what else it could've been if it wasn't apparition."
Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, fine." said Harry smiling.
"Harry!" came a sudden shout from the entrance to the hospital wing. They all turned to see Molly, Arthur, and Dumbledore standing in the doorway. Harry smiled at them and within that second, Molly had crossed over to him and was squeezing the life out of him.
"Harry! Are you alright? How do you feel?" she asked him.
"I'm fine." Harry responded. It was getting rather tedious for him to keep answering the same question over and over again, though, Harry had to admit, he did give them good reason for asking.
"You are full of surprises lately, Harry." said Dumbledore, eyes twinkling.
"Just followed some advice from a friend." said Harry smiling in a hinting manner a Dumbledore. He smiled and nodded, understanding what Harry meant.
The others in the room looked back in forth between the two before Dumbledore finally spoke again, "How is Harry doing, Poppy?"
Madame Pomfrey looked Harry over then pursed her lips, "Much better. I might even go as far as to say he'll be free to leave within the week."
Harry's smile broadened at this.
"Excellent! Just in time for Halloween." Ron exclaimed.
"I do believe a celebration is in order. What would you all say to a dance?" Dumbledore asked. Lavender, Hermione, and Ginny all jumped at this while Ron and Harry simply looked excitedly interested. Dumbledore chuckled and nodded.
"Very well then, I will make the announcement tonight at dinner. Now if you excuse me I must start the preparations." said Dumbledore, nodding at the group then leaving hospital wing.
"So, you're getting out in a week, there's going to be a party, Harry Potter, how do you feel?" asked Ron pretending to hold a microphone.
"Splendid, old chap, simply splendid." Harry said before cracking up, followed by everyone else in the room.
The next day Harry was sitting in bed, trying to seem interested in what Fred and George were talking about but found it rather difficult. Not only had he gotten no sleep last night, but his scar was bothering him more than usual. Harry guessed that it was to be expected now that Voldemort was back but still. . .he had been for two years and it had never been anything more than a dull discomfort. Now, however, it had reached something of the equivalent of someone constantly waving his head back and forth. He was always dizzy. Though, it was nothing that wasn't bad enough to have to alert Madame Pomfrey.
'That's exactly what I need,' thought Harry, 'More people fussing over me for more reasons.'
"What do you think Harry?" asked George. Harry turned his attention back to the twins. He smiled and nodded.
"See, I told you!" said George pressing his index finger into Fred's chest.
Harry kept the smile on his face. He had found out over the years that as long as you smiled people's would-be worries never were. It was a very efficient way of keeping people out of his business, no matter how hard it might be to keep smiling. He was pardoned, however, by Dumbledore walking in, accompanied by Arthur and Molly. Sirius was already lying at Harry's feet in dog form.
"Fred, George, I am going to have to ask you to leave us. I need to speak with Harry alone." The two nodded, said a goodbye to Harry and took off, casting a couple of curious glances at their parents.
"Poppy, would you please make sure we have no interruptions." Dumbledore asked Pomfrey.
"Of course, Headmaster." said Pomfrey scurrying off to stand guard at the door. Sirius transformed back into a human and the four adults took a seat around Harry's bed. Harry felt his stomach plummet.
'Gee, what could they possibly need to talk to me about in private?' he asked himself sarcastically.
"Harry, do you know that you talk in your sleep?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry forgot to breathe and was certain that his heart had stopped. What had he said?
'Please no, please no, please no-'Harry pleaded over and over again in his mind.
"No." Harry said.
'Out of all the stupid things to do, you had to go and pick out the stupidest.' he scolded himself.
"Harry did your uncle do anything to hurt you?" asked Sirius, grabbing his shoulder and staring straight into Harry's eyes to get a truthful answer. Harry wanted to squirm and avert his eyes but knew that doing so would only prove their worries right. So, instead, Harry forced himself to stay still and stare right back into his godfather's eyes. What did he say?
Stifling a deep breath, Harry put on a feigned look of confusion, "What?"
"It's okay, Harry, you can tell us." said Molly putting a hand on his shoulder.
"No," Harry said a bit to quickly, "He never hurt me. . . why would he?"
'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' Harry chided himself.
He was beginning to feel a new emotion. He still didn't want to burden anyone with his problems but this new feeling far surpassed that, humiliation. Harry didn't fancy what the wizarding world would say and do. He could just see the headlines, Famous Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, Abused by Relatives. He would never be able to live it down. No, no one could ever find out.
"Harry, you don't have to be afraid, they can't get to you anymore." said Arthur.
'As if that was at the top of my worries.' Harry thought bitterly.
"Why should I be afraid of them?" Harry asked, pretending to be curious which was rather difficult given the gravity of the situation.
"Harry, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley made a visit to your uncle's house a while ago. Your room was in shambles, there was blood on the floor, you were covered in scars, and you were yelling out for your uncle to stop it. . .whatever 'it' was." explained Dumbledore.
Harry's mind was quickly spinning, looking for something to grab as an answer. He could have easily brushed off the first three points of evidence, saying that his room was messy and there was blood on the floor because of a struggle with the Death Eaters that he had already told them about, but the last thing. How could he possibly hope to explain his begging with his uncle?
"It was. . .my aunt. . .they were having a fight and I was afraid they'd wake the neighbors. So I was telling him to keep it down." Harry hoped his story was believable. . .he, personally, wouldn't have but perhaps they trusted him enough to.
"Dammit Harry! You don't really expect us to believe that, do you? If that fucking bastard did anything you need to tell us, okay? He can't go free!" shouted Sirius, causing Harry to shrink back under his anger.
"B. . .but he didn't. I'm fine. I've always been-" started Harry.
"Dammit, Harry! Don't give us that! Tell us the truth!" shouted Sirius.
"I. . .I am." said Harry. He could feel the sting of tears beginning to creep into the corners of his eyes but didn't let them fall. He couldn't be weak anymore, he had to be strong, and above all he couldn't give in to Sirius' interrogation.
Sirius was about to start up again but Dumbledore stopped him, "Sirius, if Harry says he was never hurt then we have to believe him. He has no reason to lie to us, do you Harry?"
Harry didn't trust his voice to speak so he just shook his head instead.
"But-" started Sirius.
"No buts, Sirius. But now, if you would excuse us, I would like a word in my office." said Dumbledore. Harry nodded mutely and watched as he, Sirius (dog form), and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley left the room. Once he was sure they were all gone and Madame Pomfrey wasn't coming back he let himself go.
A few tears trickled down his face but he brushed them away, he had to be strong, "Dammit."
Author's Note: Okay, I, personally, like the way this is going but it would be greatly appreciated you could tell me what you think. Is Harry or anyone else to wimpy? If you want it fixed you got to tell me. . .Oh! And quick note: I know the chapters have been kind of short so I'll just give you more. However, the next two or three chapters are the ones I've really been looking forward to writing so there's a good chance that they'll be longer. . .no promises though! Review now, please! Please also note that if the end to this chapter seems a little off it's 'cuz I'm a little depressed that no one's reviewed my other fic. . .::sigh:: oh well, at least I got one hit, right? Don't mind me, write me a review 'cuz this time I refuse to update until I get at least 28 reviews! That's six! Come on you guys you can do it!
LittleEar BigEar's sis: Lol, you're funny. Thanks for the review, do you try to be humorous on purpose? And I'm honored that you think me so good as to put me on your fav's list! If you like this story, try my other one! I'm desperate for a review to inspire me to write the next chapter!
Momo: Well, the left tunnel does lead to death but I guess if you're reading this then you know better by now, huh? Thanks for the review!
Candledot: Should Snape play a bigger role? Well, I don't like him that much and I already have up through chapter 10 written (hey, I update a new chapter every day!) but I'll try to incorporate him more. . .key word, TRY.
Kristi: Merci beacoup pour le review! Or something like that. . .k, so you might not know French. . .got a test tomorrow so I gotta practice! Anyway, thanks for your review!
Ch6: Gone Forever?
Madame Pomfrey once again checked Harry's pulse. It was very faint but still there. She reported this to everyone in the room and they all breathed a sigh of relief. Harry had stopped his convulsions and was now resting somewhat peacefully with small, shallow, spaced out breaths. Now that he was somewhat better Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Ginny, Fred, and George were allowed back in the room. Snape had left but everyone else was still there and they were all very edgy, anxious, and tense. The group sat in chairs surrounding Harry's bed and no one said a thing, with the exception of Madame Pomfrey who reported that Harry was still alive every five minutes or so. And while it pleased everyone to hear that Harry was still alive, it did bother them to have to be told that he was.
As they all sat in their silence, Lavender thought to herself about that afternoon. The second they entered the Great Hall after they had been thrown out of the hospital wing all students that were in the room, with the exception of the Slytherins, had bombarded them with questions about the screaming. None of them had said anything, feeling that Harry wouldn't want the entire school to know that he was practically dying on a hospital bed. The professors in the Hall seemingly felt the same way as they ordered everyone to take their seats and not to ask questions. At the Gryffindor table, they had all piled their plates full of food but none ate anything. Hermione was still sobbing to herself and ignored everyone who tried to talk to her. Lavender had to admit that as bad as she felt about Harry it was probably nothing compared to what Hermione felt. She had always had a feeling that Hermione liked Harry, in fact, when she told Ron this he had laughed and said that it was about time she caught on. But now, now she knew that Hermione didn't in fact "like" Harry she was pretty sure that it stretched passed how she and Ron felt about each other.
That moment Lavender promised herself that when Harry was better she would have to play matchmaker with two. The six that had been in the hospital wing were beginning to slowly wind down and were almost ready to talk with each other about it when the doors to the Hall slammed open and Arthur Weasley ran to the head table. After a quick word with Snape, the two hurried out of the room as quickly as Arthur had entered. Once they were out of sight excited whispers bounced off the walls of students starting new rumors.
'The hell they know.' Lavender had thought to herself. With that and a quick glance at her friends they all nodded and left the Great Hall, following the two wizards back to the hospital wing.
But now Lavender was beginning to wish that she hadn't returned. Harry might as well be dead.
'No! Don't you dare think that!' she scolded herself silently. She turned her head downward and stared at her hands in her lap. What kind of friend was she that she wished him dead?
Well you didn't really wish it. You were just thinking that he looks dead.' her mind reasoned.
Still, she felt ashamed of herself. Her self pity, however, was broken as Harry took in a sudden, sharp gasp for air before losing all movement. Quickly, Madame Pomfrey felt for a pulse but found none she looked up grimly and shook her head. Instantly everyone in the room sprang up and started shaking Harry and shouting at him but it did no good, he was gone. Not that they noticed. They continued to yell and scream and poke and shake him, trying with desperate hope to reawaken him.
_~_~_~_~
Harry started down the left tunnel. However, just a few steps into the tunnel something came over him, a feeling of warmth.
"Harry! Wake up!" a familiar voice shouted out of no where.
"What?" he asked walking back to the entrance to the tunnel. He looked around but saw no one.
Shrugging, he started down the tunnel again until another voice reached him, "Don't you dare leave me, Harry!"
Narrowing his eyes he spun around but saw no one.
"Who's there?" he asked.
"They're just shadows of the past. Pay them no heed." said the voice. Harry nodded and continued on his way.
"You can't leave me too! Harry, you can't die, dammit!"
Harry recognized this voice.
"Sirius." he whispered.
More and more voices started to echo off the walls, getting louder by the minute. Harry recognized them all. Other than Sirius, there was Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Ginny, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Fred and George. Harry jogged back to the entrance to the tunnel.
"Where are you!?" he shouted.
"They are but memories of the past." said the voice.
Biting his lip, Harry stepped out of the left tunnel and stared down the right one.
"Maybe. . .maybe I should go back." he said quietly.
"Harry! Don't give up! You can do it!" shouted the voice of Ron. Harry smiled and took a step down the right tunnel.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." said the voice.
"Why not?" asked Harry, indignant.
"Have you forgotten all the pain you had to go through? All the suffering? The guilt? Are you willing to go through all that again? Especially when it can be avoided? They don't really care about you. No one's ever cared for you. Have you forgotten your relatives? Would they really treat you like that if you didn't deserve it? And your parents. . ." started the voice.
This caught Harry's attention, "What about my parents!?"
"They wouldn't have died if it wasn't for you. Voldemort would have had no reason to kill them. Admit it, you don't deserve to live, do you, you murderer?" asked the voice.
Harry heaved a shaky sigh. The voice was right. His friends didn't need him, they would get over it. He had always been a burden to the real world and it had always been a burden to him. It punished him in the form of the Dursleys and he, in turn, punished it in the form of Voldemort. It was his fault that Voldemort came back. It was his fault that all those innocent people had to die. His parents, Cedric, everyone. Everything was his fault. If it wasn't for him then peace would still be enveloping the planet instead of the war and so many innocents would have been spared. He didn't deserve to live. He deserved to die.
Blinking back a tear at his own thoughts, Harry made his way back to the left tunnel, the tunnel that he deserved. The voices of his friends still echoed in his head but he pushed them aside. This was for the best. As he reached the end of the tunnel there was a blinding light. Harry covered his eyes.
"Go ahead. One more step and you'll be free forever." said the voice. Harry took a deep breath and was about to take the step when a voice entered his mind, one that he couldn't push aside.
"Harry Potter. You are not meant to die now. Come back to us." Dumbledore's voice replayed over and over in Harry's mind.
"I'm. . .not supposed to die?" Harry asked, confused.
"Don't listen to him. You aren't needed. You never were and never will be." said the voice.
"Harry. Come back. Don't give up hope." Dumbledore's voice flowed through his mind.
"I'm not supposed to, am I?" Harry asked himself softly but firmly.
"Don't listen to that fool! You deserve to die! You brought all the pain and agony to the world! It's your fault! All your fault!" the voice, which had been gentle and trustworthy, had turned malicious and Harry now knew where he had heard it.
"Voldemort!" Harry yelled. (AN: How many of you saw that one coming?)
Voldemort's holographic self appeared in the center of the light, "Harry Potter. How nice to see you again." Harry glared at him. How could he have trusted him?
"Very easily, apparently." Voldemort said.
"Get out of my head!" Harry demanded.
"You're in my dimension. I can do whatever I want. Now, why don't you come on and embrace death." said Voldemort smirking.
"I'm not going anywhere you want me to! You bastard!" said Harry as he huffily turned around and started to run towards the entrance of the tunnel.
"You seem to have misunderstood." Voldemort's voice illuminated the entire tunnel, "It wasn't an option. Welcome the darkness! It is your destiny!"
With that a powerful wind started out of nowhere and started to push him back to where Voldemort was waiting. The light that had seemed inviting disappeared and a deep pit with very sharp, metal spikes at the bottom appeared. Harry could have kicked himself. He was about to walk right into death without realizing. Not that it seemed like he was going to make it out alive anyway. (AN: Okay, so it's not his real body there but if your soul is killed so are you. Or so says me, anyway.) Harry closed his eyes and waited for death to come. He was still trying to walk against the wind but it was proving fruitless.
"Give it up, Potter. Why not just make things easy on yourself and die now rather than later?" asked Voldemort.
This only edged Harry on, he tried his best to fight the wind's awesome power but he couldn't. Then, suddenly, Harry couldn't feel the wind beating against his face anymore nor did he hear Voldemort's taunting voice drilling into his head anymore. Cautiously, Harry opened one eye. What he saw amazed him. He was back at the beginning of the two tunnels.
'How'd I do that?' he asked himself. Only one thing came to mind.
'Did I apparate?' he asked himself.
He didn't have time to brood on it, though, for at that moment he heard Voldemort's angry yell echoing out of the left tunnel. Heart beating a million miles per minute, Harry started sprinting down the right tunnel. This one seemed much longer than the other one, but he didn't think about it. All he had to concentrate on was getting to the end of the tunnel before Voldemort. Harry continually closed his eyes and hoped that he would apparate again but it didn't work.
'Not surprising considering I didn't know I was doing it the first time.' thought Harry.
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't figure everything out." Hermione's voice bounced inside his head.
"It's not your fault Hermione." Harry shouted out but he doubted she could hear him.
He could hear her sobs echoing off the walls, getting louder by the minute. Harry squeezed his hand into a fist and was almost certain he could feel someone's hand in his. He brushed it off as nerves; however, and started to run faster than he had before. After what seemed like an eternity, Harry finally reached the end of the tunnel which also had a bright light obscuring the view. He was beginning to have doubts as to whether or not Voldemort had booby trapped this one too but it was then that he heard angry footsteps stalking towards him. Without another thought, Harry launched himself into the light.
_~_~_~_~
Thirty minutes had passed since Harry had been pronounced dead. Dumbledore had gone to announce it to the students, and Hagrid had gone to tell the centaurs as he had promised to keep them updated. Molly was still hysterical and had been taken down to the kitchen to get a cup of tea by Arthur. Sirius was busy yelling at Madame Pomfrey for not saving him as she yelled back that she did all that she could have done. It was apparent that she was going through as much pain as everyone else and did, indeed, feel guilty for not saving him. Fred and George had gone back to the common room to talk with themselves as Ginny, Lavender, Ron, and Hermione were left sitting by Harry. Ginny was sitting by herself in a chair, rocking back and forth. Lavender and Ron were embracing though their eyes never left Harry's lifeless body. Hermione was, by far, the worst off of all. She was still kneeling next to his bed, her head resting on Harry's chest, crying softly to herself.
"I'm so sorry." she whispered over and over into his chest, "I'm sorry I didn't figure everything out."
His body was now losing heat and his face was draining of color so the dried blood on his chin stuck out more than then ever but she didn't care. She would never leave his side. They would have to kill her to get her away from him. Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry and hugged him with all the strength she could muster, which wasn't very much. She completely blamed herself for letting Harry die. If she had only used her brain. There were so many signs. How could she have missed them all? She could have and should have figured it out and done something. Hermione squeezed her hands into tight fists, gripping Harry's sweat soaked pajamas. She was about to let out a high-pitched scream of anguish when she noticed something, however faint it was. Was it her imagination or was his heart beating again?
'No! Stop it Hermione! Don't do this to yourself." she ordered herself. But at the same time she could help but hope that it was real. Discretely, so as not to alert the others in the room as to what she was doing, she brought her hand up to his neck. There was a pulse! Eyes wide as saucers, she slowly raised herself off Harry's chest.
"Harry?" she whispered almost inaudibly. She felt her hand being gripped gently at first, but then more firmly. Disbelieving her senses, Hermione looked down at her hand. Harry was squeezing it! Hermione let out an excited squeal.
She threw her arms around him and drew him into a fierce hug, "Harry! Oh my god! Don't you ever do that again!"
Everyone in the room suddenly was very aware of everything. At first they stared at Hermione in disbelief. She was probably delirious.
"Hermione. . .Hermione, please, he's dead. Please don't do this." said Ginny softly.
"No! No he's not! He squeezed my hand! He did! He's alive!" shouted Hermione excitedly. Still not believing it, they all moved over to get a better look.
Harry's chest was rising steadily. Everyone let out a shout of surprise. How could he be alive after being dead for thirty minutes? But after the initial shock wore off, no one cared. Harry was back! He wasn't dead!
"Harry! Come on, wake up! You're almost there!" said Sirius. Harry emitted a moan and Sirius whooped.
"He really is alive!" he shouted.
"Harry? We're all here. Wake up!" urged Ron. Harry's eyes twitched as if he was trying to open them but having difficulty. Madame Pomfrey came over with a bottle in her hand.
"Here you go. Drink this." she said tipping the liquid into his mouth. Harry coughed but then slowly opened his eyes. Lavender put his glasses on and soon he could see who was in the room with him.
He smiled weakly, "Hi." Satisfied that he was indeed alive, Madame Pomfrey left to go find Dumbledore. Everyone else, however, laughed and all drew him into one big group hug.
"You need to stop doing that, Harry, or I'm going to have more white hairs than Dumbledore." joked Sirius as he helped Harry into a sitting position.
Harry smiled sheepishly, "It's not like I mean to. Stuff just seems to happen."
"I'd say so." laughed Sirius.
"That's got to be another record. Thirty minutes! How'd you do it Harry?" asked Ron.
"Thirty minutes?" asked Harry. The five suddenly looked uncomfortable.
"Harry, you were dead for thirty minutes." said Lavender quietly.
Harry shrugged, "That's because I went down the wrong tunnel." They all looked at him oddly.
"Tunnel, Harry?" asked Hermione.
"Yeah, but then I apparated to the beginning of the other one so I was fine." said Harry smiling. At this everybody looked like he was crazy.
"Harry, are you okay?" asked Ginny.
"Yeah, fine. . .well, a little tired but other than that. Why?" Harry asked.
"Tunnels? Apparating? Harry we don't even learn that till next year." said Lavender.
Harry shrugged again, "I know. I don't know how I did it. But just before Voldemort's spell got me I got away. I don't see what else it could've been if it wasn't apparition."
Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, fine." said Harry smiling.
"Harry!" came a sudden shout from the entrance to the hospital wing. They all turned to see Molly, Arthur, and Dumbledore standing in the doorway. Harry smiled at them and within that second, Molly had crossed over to him and was squeezing the life out of him.
"Harry! Are you alright? How do you feel?" she asked him.
"I'm fine." Harry responded. It was getting rather tedious for him to keep answering the same question over and over again, though, Harry had to admit, he did give them good reason for asking.
"You are full of surprises lately, Harry." said Dumbledore, eyes twinkling.
"Just followed some advice from a friend." said Harry smiling in a hinting manner a Dumbledore. He smiled and nodded, understanding what Harry meant.
The others in the room looked back in forth between the two before Dumbledore finally spoke again, "How is Harry doing, Poppy?"
Madame Pomfrey looked Harry over then pursed her lips, "Much better. I might even go as far as to say he'll be free to leave within the week."
Harry's smile broadened at this.
"Excellent! Just in time for Halloween." Ron exclaimed.
"I do believe a celebration is in order. What would you all say to a dance?" Dumbledore asked. Lavender, Hermione, and Ginny all jumped at this while Ron and Harry simply looked excitedly interested. Dumbledore chuckled and nodded.
"Very well then, I will make the announcement tonight at dinner. Now if you excuse me I must start the preparations." said Dumbledore, nodding at the group then leaving hospital wing.
"So, you're getting out in a week, there's going to be a party, Harry Potter, how do you feel?" asked Ron pretending to hold a microphone.
"Splendid, old chap, simply splendid." Harry said before cracking up, followed by everyone else in the room.
The next day Harry was sitting in bed, trying to seem interested in what Fred and George were talking about but found it rather difficult. Not only had he gotten no sleep last night, but his scar was bothering him more than usual. Harry guessed that it was to be expected now that Voldemort was back but still. . .he had been for two years and it had never been anything more than a dull discomfort. Now, however, it had reached something of the equivalent of someone constantly waving his head back and forth. He was always dizzy. Though, it was nothing that wasn't bad enough to have to alert Madame Pomfrey.
'That's exactly what I need,' thought Harry, 'More people fussing over me for more reasons.'
"What do you think Harry?" asked George. Harry turned his attention back to the twins. He smiled and nodded.
"See, I told you!" said George pressing his index finger into Fred's chest.
Harry kept the smile on his face. He had found out over the years that as long as you smiled people's would-be worries never were. It was a very efficient way of keeping people out of his business, no matter how hard it might be to keep smiling. He was pardoned, however, by Dumbledore walking in, accompanied by Arthur and Molly. Sirius was already lying at Harry's feet in dog form.
"Fred, George, I am going to have to ask you to leave us. I need to speak with Harry alone." The two nodded, said a goodbye to Harry and took off, casting a couple of curious glances at their parents.
"Poppy, would you please make sure we have no interruptions." Dumbledore asked Pomfrey.
"Of course, Headmaster." said Pomfrey scurrying off to stand guard at the door. Sirius transformed back into a human and the four adults took a seat around Harry's bed. Harry felt his stomach plummet.
'Gee, what could they possibly need to talk to me about in private?' he asked himself sarcastically.
"Harry, do you know that you talk in your sleep?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry forgot to breathe and was certain that his heart had stopped. What had he said?
'Please no, please no, please no-'Harry pleaded over and over again in his mind.
"No." Harry said.
'Out of all the stupid things to do, you had to go and pick out the stupidest.' he scolded himself.
"Harry did your uncle do anything to hurt you?" asked Sirius, grabbing his shoulder and staring straight into Harry's eyes to get a truthful answer. Harry wanted to squirm and avert his eyes but knew that doing so would only prove their worries right. So, instead, Harry forced himself to stay still and stare right back into his godfather's eyes. What did he say?
Stifling a deep breath, Harry put on a feigned look of confusion, "What?"
"It's okay, Harry, you can tell us." said Molly putting a hand on his shoulder.
"No," Harry said a bit to quickly, "He never hurt me. . . why would he?"
'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' Harry chided himself.
He was beginning to feel a new emotion. He still didn't want to burden anyone with his problems but this new feeling far surpassed that, humiliation. Harry didn't fancy what the wizarding world would say and do. He could just see the headlines, Famous Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, Abused by Relatives. He would never be able to live it down. No, no one could ever find out.
"Harry, you don't have to be afraid, they can't get to you anymore." said Arthur.
'As if that was at the top of my worries.' Harry thought bitterly.
"Why should I be afraid of them?" Harry asked, pretending to be curious which was rather difficult given the gravity of the situation.
"Harry, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley made a visit to your uncle's house a while ago. Your room was in shambles, there was blood on the floor, you were covered in scars, and you were yelling out for your uncle to stop it. . .whatever 'it' was." explained Dumbledore.
Harry's mind was quickly spinning, looking for something to grab as an answer. He could have easily brushed off the first three points of evidence, saying that his room was messy and there was blood on the floor because of a struggle with the Death Eaters that he had already told them about, but the last thing. How could he possibly hope to explain his begging with his uncle?
"It was. . .my aunt. . .they were having a fight and I was afraid they'd wake the neighbors. So I was telling him to keep it down." Harry hoped his story was believable. . .he, personally, wouldn't have but perhaps they trusted him enough to.
"Dammit Harry! You don't really expect us to believe that, do you? If that fucking bastard did anything you need to tell us, okay? He can't go free!" shouted Sirius, causing Harry to shrink back under his anger.
"B. . .but he didn't. I'm fine. I've always been-" started Harry.
"Dammit, Harry! Don't give us that! Tell us the truth!" shouted Sirius.
"I. . .I am." said Harry. He could feel the sting of tears beginning to creep into the corners of his eyes but didn't let them fall. He couldn't be weak anymore, he had to be strong, and above all he couldn't give in to Sirius' interrogation.
Sirius was about to start up again but Dumbledore stopped him, "Sirius, if Harry says he was never hurt then we have to believe him. He has no reason to lie to us, do you Harry?"
Harry didn't trust his voice to speak so he just shook his head instead.
"But-" started Sirius.
"No buts, Sirius. But now, if you would excuse us, I would like a word in my office." said Dumbledore. Harry nodded mutely and watched as he, Sirius (dog form), and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley left the room. Once he was sure they were all gone and Madame Pomfrey wasn't coming back he let himself go.
A few tears trickled down his face but he brushed them away, he had to be strong, "Dammit."
Author's Note: Okay, I, personally, like the way this is going but it would be greatly appreciated you could tell me what you think. Is Harry or anyone else to wimpy? If you want it fixed you got to tell me. . .Oh! And quick note: I know the chapters have been kind of short so I'll just give you more. However, the next two or three chapters are the ones I've really been looking forward to writing so there's a good chance that they'll be longer. . .no promises though! Review now, please! Please also note that if the end to this chapter seems a little off it's 'cuz I'm a little depressed that no one's reviewed my other fic. . .::sigh:: oh well, at least I got one hit, right? Don't mind me, write me a review 'cuz this time I refuse to update until I get at least 28 reviews! That's six! Come on you guys you can do it!
LittleEar BigEar's sis: Lol, you're funny. Thanks for the review, do you try to be humorous on purpose? And I'm honored that you think me so good as to put me on your fav's list! If you like this story, try my other one! I'm desperate for a review to inspire me to write the next chapter!
Momo: Well, the left tunnel does lead to death but I guess if you're reading this then you know better by now, huh? Thanks for the review!
Candledot: Should Snape play a bigger role? Well, I don't like him that much and I already have up through chapter 10 written (hey, I update a new chapter every day!) but I'll try to incorporate him more. . .key word, TRY.
Kristi: Merci beacoup pour le review! Or something like that. . .k, so you might not know French. . .got a test tomorrow so I gotta practice! Anyway, thanks for your review!