Disclaimer:  The characters and the world they inhabit all belong to J.K. Rowling.

Cave Canem

Chapter Eight: Waiting and Werewolves

            The pub where Remus had found work for the week was licensed to stay open until eleven o'clock, and Remus was there at least an hour or two later to clean up after the stragglers.  His body protested against getting up early, but when he heard Sirius pass his door, he pushed back his warm covers and sat at the edge of his bed.  Between Sirius taking the "Don't wait up for me" command literally two nights in a row, and Remus sleeping in yesterday morning, they had not seen each other since their disagreement.  And although it was true that a cooling off period worked well with tempers as volatile as theirs, Remus recognized that there was a fine line between letting tempers cool and letting resentments fester.

            He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, yawned widely, and grabbed a sweatshirt off the top of his dresser.  The carpeting felt cool underfoot—"Not real wool"—but Remus couldn't be bothered to put on socks.  Sirius was already dressed but didn't seem in a hurry to leave; he was taking the time to read the Daily Prophet while he sat on the sofa with his feet up on the coffee table.  Remus sank down onto the other end of the sofa and saw that Sirius was doing the Daily Prophet crossword puzzle.

            "What's a five letter word for 'I humbly apologize for shouting at my friend when I was really angry at those treating him unfairly'?" Sirius asked.

            "That would be, 'Sorry.'  It works equally well for five-down, 'I humbly apologize for behaving as if my friends' protective tendencies are a bad thing'," Remus answered.

            "Really?  I already wrote 'asphodel' for five-down."

            "Better stick with your answer then.  You always were better at potions than I was.  You didn't happen to brew any of that wonderful elixir known as 'tea,' did you?"

            "I did; help yourself."

            There was just enough milk left in the carton for one mug of tea.  Remus stared at the breadbox and tried to decide if he was awake enough to make some toast.  He decided that he was not when he realized that he had put the empty milk carton back in the refrigerator.  "I should go back to bed."  However, he knew there was more to discuss with Sirius, so he returned to the sofa, mug in hand.

"I have to tell you something," Remus said, and then laughed. 

Sirius had said, "We need to talk," at the exact same time.  Sirius laughed, shaking his head.  "We do think alike sometimes, don't we, Moony."

"Maybe sometimes."

"You go first."

Remus nodded and took another sip of tea.  He needed to wake up for this.  "I've decided to move back into my mum's house."  Sirius appeared to be taken completely off guard.

"Why?  If you're still angry with me for—"

"No, no, it's nothing like that.  It's—" Remus wished he was more awake for this discussion.  He took a large sip of tea and hoped the caffeine would go to work quickly.  "Look, our lease will be up in a few months anyway.  It's only lasted this long because you and James extended it just before he got engaged and gave James an excuse to say, 'Oops!  I owe you half the rent until the lease is up.'  It was a polite little fiction so no one would have to say, 'James is paying half the rent because Remus can't afford it.'  The time for fiction is over.  I can't afford to live here; I'm not going to live here." 

As Remus spoke, Sirius shifted around to face him directly.  This conversation was too important for an appearance of less than his full attention.  "But we talked about this before," Sirius said.  "When this lease is up, we'll get a cheaper place, somewhere I can afford the rent on, and you can chip in whenever you can afford it."

Remus remembered that "talk."  Sirius had offered and then assumed Remus's silence was agreement.  All it had really meant was that Remus was taking time to decide.  Even then, he had considered going back home.  Although he hated to admit it, his mother's death had simplified his decision.  Going back no longer meant that he was running home to Mummy. 

He shook his head sadly.  "It's kind of you to offer, Padfoot, but let's face the truth.  I'm never going to be able to afford the rent on a regular basis, and I don't want to live off you anymore."
            "I don't mind.  It's not your fault that people won't give you a job—or that the ones who do conveniently figure out that you're a werewolf just before they have to pay you."  Sirius's temper started to rise at the memory of that happening more than once.  There was a knock at the door, and Sirius rose to answer it as Remus spoke.

"But I mind.  I'm tired of you guys taking care of me." 

Sirius opened the door for James but otherwise ignored him and went back to the sofa.

"Five-down, remember?  'I humbly apologize for behaving as if my friends' protective tendencies are a bad thing'.  Or were you just saying that?"

"No, I'm grateful that you guys want to help me," he looked first at Sirius and then at James as he spoke, "I really am.  I'm just sick of the fact that you need to help me so often.  I'm not a kid anymore; I need to handle my own problems."

Sirius made a sound of exasperation or disgust and stalked into the kitchen.  He began to make breakfast as an excuse to take out his frustration on the helpless cookware.  Remus looked at James, his eyes pleading for an ally.

"We all help each other, Moony," James said as took Sirius's vacated space on the sofa.  "Some problems are too big for one person."

"Well, this one isn't.  I can't afford to live here, I have somewhere else to go, I'm moving out."  He pushed up from the sofa and headed back toward his bedroom.  "I'm going back to bed.  Feel free to discuss whatever it is I'm not allowed to know about."

"Oh!" James sounded so surprised that Remus halted and looked back at him.  James was looking at Sirius.  "You mean you haven't—"

"It was due to be the next topic of conversation," Sirius explained grimly.

* * * * *

"I wish I knew how to cook," Peter said as he watched Remus drop pasta into a pot of boiling water.

"You can do this.  You can boil water; you can make pasta."

Peter looked pointedly at the cutting board where Remus had just finished chopping basil for the sauce.  "And this?"

Remus laughed.  "You got better grades than I did in Potions.  If I can do this, you can.  Besides, they sell sauce already made in Muggle food shops.  Come with me sometime."  He added the basil to the saucepan and gave the sauce a stir.

"Muggle money's too confusing.  When are you moving out anyway?"

Remus shrugged.  "I haven't decided.  There's no hurry; James insists on paying half of the rent until the end of the lease whether I'm here or not.  I guess I'm letting Sirius get used to the idea before I move."  Remus thought, not for the first time, that Sirius should invite Peter to be his new flatmate.  Peter had a secure job with the Ministry and could afford the rent.  He would welcome a chance to break free from his mother, and she wouldn't object as long as Remus was no longer living there.  However, it was Sirius's decision to make, not his. 

"So, where is Sirius tonight?" Peter asked.

Remus shrugged.  "No idea.  I just know he's working with Moody tonight.  I offered to help, but Moody knows what I am, and I don't think he trusts me." 

"Whatever happened with those murders James and Sirius were looking into?  Were they related?"

"It looks like at least two were.  It sounds like the same wizard, a Death Eater, visited both werewolves shortly before their loved ones were murdered.  But, as I told James and Sirius, he never visited me, so it appears that my mum's murder isn't connected."  Remus fished a strand of pasta out of the pot for a taste test.  A quick bite and he knew the pasta was perfectly al dente.  He pulled out his wand to evaporate the water from the pot.

"James and Sirius believed you?" Peter asked.

Remus paused for just half a second before performing the evaporation charm.  He was accustomed to others thinking him untrustworthy, but his friends?  "What do you mean, Peter?" he asked as lightly as he could.

Peter frowned and looked down.  "Forget I said anything.  Do you want some more wine?"

Remus nodded.  He tried to turn his attention back to dinner: adding the pasta to the sauce, tossing them together, dishing it onto their plates.  But he kept wondering, "Who doesn't believe me?  Does Peter think I'm lying?  Is he saying that James and Sirius think I'm lying?  Why would I lie?" He put the two plates on the kitchen counter and joined Peter on the other side.

Peter must have noticed his preoccupation.  "I'm sorry I said anything.  It's just—well, who'd want to admit that the Death Eaters singled him out as vulnerable?  It's kind of—what's a good word?—embarrassing.  If You-Know-Who thinks someone's vulnerable in some way, maybe he is.  James and Sirius might have believed you, or they might have thought you didn't want to tell them."

"You believe me, don't you?"

"Of course I do.  The look on your face when I said that, it was obvious it had never even occurred to you to lie about it."

They both ate in silence for a few minutes.  Remus suddenly asked, "But it makes sense to see me as vulnerable, doesn't it?  Social outcast, habitually unemployed, inherently dark creature—oh, and did I mention that I'm currently pissed at the Ministry for treating me like a rabid dog."

Peter nodded reluctantly.  "If I were you and I did get a visit from a Death Eater, I wouldn't be in a hurry to tell anyone."

* * * * *

"It's not as bad inside," Lily said.  "Well, it is bad downstairs, but upstairs it's better, and Simon's just as nice as Charlotte."  She reached out and held Remus's hand.  He tore his eyes away from the immense grey block of a building, scarred by barred windows and looked at Lily instead.  She had pulled her hair back and tamed it in a long braid, much as she used to do for Potions lessons.  Only the rust colored robe instead of black provided a clue that they weren't on their way to class. 

"Practical choice," he thought.  "Blood stains won't show on that color." He gave her hand a slight squeeze and resumed walking. "Thanks for coming with me, Lily.  Taking care of me, it's a hell of a way to begin your new year."

"Oh don't flatter yourself, Remus Lupin.  I was going to come here this month anyway.  Charlotte said she has six of you who've never been here before coming in, and I figured she and Simon could use an extra set of hands."  She laughed.  "O.K., I'm a liar.  I am here because they need the help this month, but I would have come even if they didn't.  You need a friendly face, and since you wouldn't let any of the others come—"

Remus pulled open the heavy door and followed Lily inside.  "It wouldn't have been a good idea.  Tomorrow morning, Charlotte plans to tell everyone about the murders and find out if anyone here had a visit from a wizard or witch just before a family member died.  A bunch of strangers, wizards especially, would make everyone very nervous, too nervous to speak openly."

"Maybe I should make myself scarce when Charlotte is talking to everyone."

"You were here two months ago—it was really nice of you to stay through the morning to help, by the way—so you aren't exactly a stranger. But, you might want to keep a low profile while we're talking about it.  Lumos."  They were now deep enough into the building that it was becoming harder to see the debris lurking in the shadows.  Lily lit her wand as well.

"Lumos.  A low profile, I can do that.  The stairs are over this way, I think."

"Wait!" a voice called from behind them.  They turned to see a sandy-haired wizard in his mid-twenties following them.  "I don't know the way," he said as he drew near.  "It's my first time here."

"Mine too," Remus said with a strained smile.  "Lily is our guide."

"And I've only been here once.  So, if we get lost, don't say I didn't warn you."

"Duly warned," the wizard said with a bow of his head.  "I'm Declan, but call me Deco."  He shook first Lily's hand and then Remus's."

"Remus."  They resumed walking, allowing Lily time to peer around at each intersection.  "Why is this your first time here?" Remus asked Deco. "Were you recently bitten?"

"No, a long time back, six years ago.  Six years I've taken care of myself, locking charms and silencing spells on the cellar.  But last month, a bastard from the Werewolf Registry disappeared that night, so a bunch of us have to come here instead.  I'll probably tear myself to bits because I'm in an unfamiliar place.  How long ago were you bitten?"

"Fourteen years ago," Remus answered.  "I'm here for the same reason you are."

"Cor, you were just a baby, weren't you?"

Remus shrugged.  "I was five, younger than most, I guess."

"How about you?" Deco asked Lily.

"No, I'm just here to help.  And there are the stairs.  I didn't get lost after all."

Lily started up the stairs, but Deco hung back for a moment staring at her in surprise.  "I just assumed," he said to Remus.  "You know, other than Charlotte Stirling, she's only witch I've met who knew I was a werewolf and still willingly shook my hand.  Please tell me you aren't dating her."  He began to ascend the stairs, Remus beside him.

"Sorry, she's married to a friend of mine."

* * * * *

Sirius stared up at the glowing moon and pulled his cloak tighter.  "Why is it that sunlight makes me feel warmer when it's direct, but bounce it off the moon and it makes me feel colder?"  James did not answer.  "I want my fur."

James chuckled quietly and pulled his own cloak tighter around himself.  "So, change.  There's just the two of us here.  You can change back if anyone shows up." 

The two wizards were hiding in a—thankfully—dry ditch, watching an ancient circle of standing stones.  Dumbledore had seen an item in a Muggle newspaper in which a farmer reported seeing, "Hippie weirdoes in black cloaks" meeting there one night.  It seemed unlikely that Voldemort would choose the same meeting place again, but he may have chosen a place so strongly imbued with ancient magic for a reason, and he might choose it or a similar location again. Also, Dumbledore seemed convinced that Voldemort would summon his followers tonight, so here they were.  Other members of the Order were watching other stone circles throughout the island. 

Sirius shook his head and sighed.  "I want my fur, I want to be running through the Forbidden Forest, and I want Moony running with us."

"Oh, is that all?  Well, let's see.  My wish list would include all of the above, plus Voldemort and all the Death Eaters securely locked in Azkaban."

"Raising the stakes, eh?  I see you your evil wizards rotting in hell, and I raise you one healthy, bouncing baby Potter.  I still can't believe you kept it a secret."

"Lily insisted."

"So?  I've known you longer than Lily.  I've got seniority."

James raised a hand in warning and Sirius followed his gaze back to the circle.  A solitary figure, wearing a cloak, was slowly walking the perimeter.  They were too far away to see exactly what he was doing, but he seemed to pause at each of the larger stones.  He made the complete circuit three times, moved into the center of the circle, and sat down. 

James had an amulet in his pocket that had been enchanted to connect with ones possessed by all the other teams watching likely meeting places.  Any one of the amulets could be used to summon those possessing the others.  He reached into his pocket and reassured himself that it was still there, but he did not activate it yet.  If this person had come as a sort of advance scout before the others, they had to be careful not to alert him to their presence.  After another half an hour of waiting, watching the solitary figure sit alone inside the circle, Sirius shifted onto his knees.

"I want a closer look," he whispered.

"My turn," James whispered back.  He dropped the amulet in front of Sirius and hurried away from him in a crouch.  Several yards away, he transformed into a stag.  There was a momentary sense of disorientation as his adjusted to the different way he sensed the world.  He climbed out of the ditch and began walking slowly away from Sirius, keeping his distance from the cloaked man, moving to a point nearly opposite Sirius's position.  When the man noticed him, he did not wish to inadvertently call attention to Sirius behind him.  Until this point, he had moved with all the silence and stealth that his long, thin legs allowed him.  Now he was ready to be noticed.  He moved toward the circle, grazing and occasionally looking up.  He pretended not to notice the human.  The man did not notice him immediately, but seemed to freeze when he did see him.  Like so many people, he seemed to welcome a chance to see a deer up close.  He stayed still so as not to frighten the animal away. 

While grazing on the grass growing at the foot of the stones, James had a close look at the bundles of herbs tied with thread that the man had placed atop most of the larger stones, bay leaves and mistletoe.  He saw that under the cloak, the man was wearing Muggle clothing.  A crystal on a silver chain dangled from the man's hand, and a chart was on the ground beside him.  James recognized many of the symbols on the chart: symbols of the planets, ancient runes, and symbols that some Muggles believed were magical, but were not.  He'd seen enough.  He raised his head, feigning sudden fear, looked the Muggle directly in the eye, nostrils quivering as if he had just scented him, then he turned and bounded away into the darkness of a nearby stand of trees.

* * * * *

Remus could never be sure exactly when human awareness became sufficient to control the wolf again; all thought, human or lupine, was overwhelmed by pain.  He was only aware that he was licking a wound on his arm and that a little voice in the back of his mind was whispering, "Stop it.  Humans don't do that."  He was lying on his side on the concrete floor.  "Too hard.  Too cold.  Fur's gone; need my clothes." 

He tried to sit up, but the slightest movement caused the ache in his shoulder to explode outward.  White hot pain ran up his neck, across his back, and down his arm.  He'd felt this before; he'd dislocated his shoulder again.  Ignoring the pain as best he could, Remus used his other arm to push himself first to his knees and then to his feet. 

His legs were slick and slippery with blood; the side of his right thigh vaguely resembled ground hamburger.  He had to brace one hand against the wall when the room briefly became dim.  "Dizzy—must have lost too much blood."  He knew he should sit down before he passed out, but he really wanted his robe.  He wanted the dignity of covering himself before anyone came in, before Lily came in.  A cabinet fastened high on the wall held his robe, his shoes, and his wand, all the possessions that he brought into the cell and he didn't want the wolf to destroy.  He managed to push the cabinet door open and grab one corner of his robe before sliding down the wall.

He heard the heavy lock slide back, and the hinges groan in protest as the thick metal door of the cell was opened.

"Remus?" Lily asked hesitantly.  "How are you?" 

Remus did not open his eyes, but he was aware of Lily being very close.  His arm and side felt slight warmth radiating from her body only an inch or two from his.  The floral scent of her shampoo mixed with the scent of his own blood.  The wolf and the human were still vying for dominance, and he did not know which scent enticed him more.

"Remus?  Any life threatening injuries for us to worry about?" Charlotte's voice called from the door.  "Or can we get back to you in a few minutes?"

"I can wait," he replied.  He opened his eyes and gave Lily a smile.  Her brow was knitted with worry.  "Go help Charlotte," he told her.  He closed his eyes again and tried to relax.  He knew from experience that tension only made pain worse.

Within the hour, Charlotte and her assistants: Simon, Lily, and a Muggle Remus would later learn was a nurse and the brother of one of the werewolves, had tended to the most serious injuries and assisted everyone up to the second floor.  A large ward on that floor had been turned into a cot filled dormitory where the werewolves could rest until they felt ready to leave.

Remus had allowed Simon and the other man to pop his shoulder back into place while still downstairs, but waved them off from any further assistance.  He joined the "walking wounded" in making his own way up the stairs.  Lily caught up to him halfway up.  She hung onto his arm until he sat on the first empty cot he reached. 

She put down a basket filled with bandages and healing potions and commanded,

"Let me see the bites on your legs."

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey."  He smiled as he lay back and closed his eyes. He felt Lily carefully pull back his robe from the worst injury on his thigh.  The potion she poured on it burned for just a moment and then left the area feeling warm.  Lily murmured a healing charm to knit the torn flesh back together and then fell silent. 

"A new scar?" Remus asked.

"I'm sorry, this isn't my field of expertise."

"Doesn't matter.  It's not my first; it won't be my last.  Could you do something for my shoulder? They got it back into place, but they couldn't heal it."

"Make sure he drinks some Blood Boosting Potion, Lily," Charlotte instructed as she bustled past.  "Judging by the floor of his room, he lost a lot of blood."

All of his injuries tended to, and Lily long gone to tend to others, Remus was just starting to drift off to sleep when he heard Charlotte, just a few yards away, her voice raised just enough to carry throughout the ward.

"Excuse me, everyone!  I know you all want to go to sleep, but I really need to speak to all of you."

"Tell us later, Charlotte," grumbled the man nearest her.

"I can't tell you later," she said patiently, "since you all leave at different times and most of you will be asleep later.  This is very important, and I really need all of you to listen for just a few minutes.  Could you sit up or raise your hand if you hear me."  

Remus reluctantly sat up.  Charlotte was looking around the room carefully, taking mental note of who was already asleep.  Remus looked around for Lily.  She and the Muggle nurse were with two heavily bandaged people who appeared to be unconscious.

 "The Wizarding World is currently having some trouble with a group of wizards who are willing to use dark magic, intimidation, and murder in order to gain power.  The leader of this group calls himself Lord Voldemort."  Her use of the name elicited scattered gasps from the few wizards and witches in the room, "and his closest followers are called Death Eaters.  A few months ago, Death Eaters visited a wizard who is a werewolf.  He wouldn't give them what they wanted, they tortured him, and a few days later they killed a member of his family.  The entire incident seemed to have little to do with the fact that he was a werewolf.  However, another werewolf, a Muggle, may have been visited by one of the same wizards.  One of her family members was killed soon after. 

"We do not know for certain if it was the same wizard; we do not know for certain if the murders are linked.  However, the possibility is very real.  We need to know if any Muggles here have been visited recently by a witch or wizard, if any witches or wizards here have been visited by someone they think may be a Death Eater, or if anyone has recently had a loved one die in suspicious circumstances."  The silence in the room was broken only by the creak of cots.  Charlotte had warned Remus to expect that they might not open up in the presence of the group, especially with all the newcomers.

"Albus Dumbledore, the name will mean something to the wizards and witches in the room, has asked three wizards he trusts to look into this.  One of them is here with us."  She had moved closer to Remus as she spoke.  "Would you stand up, Remus?  This is Remus Lupin.  Although this is Remus's first time here at Greystone, he's been a werewolf most of his life, and I've known him several years.  If you trust me, you can trust him.  If anything happens that you think we should know about, or if anything has already happened that you don't feel comfortable telling us today, please contact Remus or myself.  See me if you want Remus's address."

"I'll talk to him," one man said as he nodded in Remus's direction, "but I don't suppose the other two wizards you mentioned are wolves."

"No they aren't," Remus admitted, "but you don't have to have contact with anyone you don't wish to."

"I've met them," a blonde woman to Remus's left stood up and addressed the group.  "My husband, Paul, was one of the people murdered.  I've met Remus's friends.  I liked them, and I trust them."

"Are you talking about Sirius and that other friend of yours, the one with glasses?" a voice asked.  Remus looked toward the speaker and saw Eddie.

Remus nodded. "Yes, Sirius and James."

Eddie remained sitting but raised his voice.  "Two full moons ago, Remus and I came within about a minute of killing his friend Sirius.  Do you know what Sirius did the next morning?"  He paused dramatically to allow everyone to imagine Sirius's angry reaction.  "He brought me some of his own clothes to wear since I destroyed my own.  His other friend spent the entire night outside the room we were locked into just to protect us from a bastard who wanted to hurt us."

"Yeah, but the bastard who wanted to hurt you was a wizard too, wasn't he?" asked a voice in the crowd.

* * * * *

"…wake her, you idiot."

"I won't.  I'm just putting a blanket on her.  How's Remus?"

"Sound asleep.  He looks kind of pale, though."

Lily gave up her fight to remain asleep and opened her eyes.  Sirius was just entering the kitchen, and James was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa where she lay.  She reached out to run her fingers through his messy hair, and he immediately turned around with a smile.

"Hi, Sleeping Beauty.  Sorry if I woke you."

"Hi, yourself.  Don't worry, the handsome prince is supposed to wake Sleeping Beauty."

"Poor choice of fairy tale," Sirius called from the kitchen.  "There's no role for me."

"You can be the prince's loyal hound," Lily called back.  She gave James a kiss and a slight smile.  Then she pushed herself up to a semi-sitting position.  "Any excitement last night? and if the answer is 'yes,' remember to edit the details."

James shook his head.  "The most exciting thing to happen all night was when some Muggle visited the circle in a fruitless attempt to perform magic.  Sirius wanted to give him the thrill of his life and let him think he'd succeeded."

"Admit it; you were tempted too," Sirius said as he handed mugs of tea to Lily and James.

James grinned.  "I was.  However, Dumbledore may not be the only wizard reading the Muggle newspapers, and if the pseudo-sorcerer's story of mysterious events at the circle last night got out, someone might figure out that real wizards were in his vicinity, that the circle was watched last night."

"How's Remus?" Sirius asked.

Lily slight smile faded away, and she looked down into her tea.  "I have to give him some bad news when he wakes up."

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, immediately tense.  James reached up for Lily's hand.

"Someone died last night.  He disemboweled himself during the night and was dead before morning.  He was up against the door where we couldn't see him, and we didn't even know anything was wrong until too late."  The tears Lily had held back all morning started to spill down her cheeks.  James moved up onto the sofa so he could put his arms around her.             

"Charlotte didn't tell everyone this morning because it was his first time there, and no one knew him, but—oh, God, it was awful.  Remus and I met him on our way in.  He was there for the same reason Remus was, and he was worried that he'd hurt himself more than usual because he was in an unfamiliar place.  And—" Lily was fighting harder to remain composed, to be able to speak.  James pulled her tighter and stroked her hair. "And I just kept thinking that it could have been Remus."

Sirius bolted out of his chair and stared out the window.  "He shouldn't be in there; he should be with us."

-Posted April 2003