By RJ Wolloe
This story is Slashy's fault! She kept me up till five o'clock! Yes! Five AM! Rping with me! XD. But hey, I got a bedtime story out of it. And an idea for a new story! XD!! So, this story is for Slashy. aka Mini-Lockhart. *groan..*
A pause. "Severus?"
"What." The dark haired man looked up from his bed, with a scowl.
"Can I sleep with you?" The dazzling blond smiled, sitting upon the edge of the bed.
"No."
"Please?" Long, blond eyelashes fluttered at him. The man grinned, and even in the dark, his teeth gleamed. A resounding 'ping!' was heard.
"No." The black eyed Potions Master rolled over, with a feigned yawn.
"I'll tell you a story!" He grinned, brightly, and scooted closer to Severus. The other man grunted.
"I don't want to hear a story."
"Once, a long time ago, there was a very gloomy, evil, scary man that hated everyone. And everyone hated him!"
A moment's pause. "I like this story."
The brightly dressed man, in a too-short nightshirt, frilly bloomers, and a light blue night cap, with clouds swirling around on it, smiled, and the -ping!- was heard, again.
"....He was so depressed and bitter, no one even dared to look at him. Let alone talk to him! He lived in a land, where the sun never shined, and ruled it, with an iron fist. The inhabitants feared their king. But he didn't care."
The dark haired wizard grunted. "No. He was also very misunderstood. He was bitter, yes, but he was not depressed. He was rather happy with his bitterness. You're telling it wrong." He added, with a slight yawn.
Far from offended, the gaudy wizard gasped, and nodded. "Why, that's right, Severus! He loved his bitterness! And he loved the ... shadowy, evil kingdom. And he was actually happy!"
"... In a bitter, angry way?"
"Naturally."
"Thought so."
"And this evil King, he was so evil, he made everyone walk around without hair! And dressed in black! His own hair was envied, greasy as it was, but at least he had hair!"
The dark man scowled. "You try bending over steaming cauldrons all day. See how pretty your hair, or should I say, your toupee, is."**
The not-so-real-blond shifted, uncomfortably. "... He scowled too. And everyone feared his witty remarks, and sarcasm! He was very, very intelligent. But in an evil way, of course! And he never came out of his dark and gloomy castle, as he loved the darkness." The five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award paused, dramatically. "And he defeated Lord Potter. Various times!"
"... Lord Potter..?" A snort was heard, from the other side of the bed. The blond nodded, excitedly.
" And Lord Voldemort. The other, wanna-be Dark Lord. He killed everyone! Mucho blood! And.. And.." His voice grew steadily more excited. "Everyone HAD MESSY CLOTHES!"
" ...This is getting kind of good."
The blond man giggled. "And the Evil King... he had a evil, dark pillow..."
The sarcastic, cynical man yawned. "Pillows can't be evil. They're inanimate objects."
"...which he used to trip innocent people with." A pout. "This pillow was!"
"I stand corrected."
" One time, the fair Prince Lockhart.." A snicker, from Severus. "...pranced past him, and the Evil Lord tripped the fair Prince, with a pillow, burned his hair,and messed his hair up!" The storyteller crossed his arms. "There! He first burned it.. then he messed it up!"
"This sounds like a man I would like to get to know, this Evil Lord."
A pause. The audible sound of the blond man blinking. "But Severus... He is you!"
Another pause, this one lighter than the rest. "Neat!"
The tale-weaver smiled, brightly, and as the ping was heard again, was very glad that Severus liked his story. He continued. "And there was ahuge Dragon! Absolutely gargantuan beast! Which Evil Lord Snape tamed, and used, to burn people alive!"
The bed shook, slightly, as the taller man rolled over, and blinked. "He burned people with it?" He asked, his black eyes wide with delight. The blond nodded, excitedly.
"He burned their hairs, their rosy cheeks AND their little fluffy socks." he stated, matter-of-factly.
"Damn those brats, damn them, and their fluffy socks!"
"Yes!" Another giggle. "And they all died! It was one great big pile of rotting corpses!"
Severus made a face, at the imagined smell. "You'd have thought I would have kept at least one goon to clean up my messes."
"Oh, but he did!" The award winner smiled, and scooted closer to Severus, until his body was touching the others. Bright eyes watched him, making sure that the Potions Master didn't seem to notice. Snape was far too entranced in the story to have noticed anything. He blinked. "See, Lord Severus, he had tons of little goons with glasses to clean it all up."
The dark eyed man blinked. "Goons with glasses...?" Images of tiny little Crabbes and Goyles running around, filled his head.
"Yep! They looked like Harry Potter!" The goons in the taller wizard's head suddenly sprouted unruly black hair, scars, and glasses. He shuddered.
"That's frightening."
"Oh, it is!" He smiled again. The ping sounded. "It was a frightening place."
"I have no doubt of this."
The blond crept closer, his left leg intertwining with the other's right leg. "One day, the Dark Lord became angry... really angry."
An impatient look from the older of the two. Were it not for his adult features, Severus Snape would have looked much like a child, impatient for his mother (or father, or whatever family member you like best) to continue with story. "Why was he angry?"
"Because someone messed up one of his potions." The blond head came to rest on the night shirt covered chest of the dark wizard.
A horrified gasp issued itself from his lips. "Who would do such a horrible thing??" He demanded, his fists clenching in impotent rage.
"Lucius Malfoy. The other Dark Lord. He had added Malfoyisim-weed in the potion!"
"Malfoyisim-Weed?" Severus blinked, looking down at the blond on his chest.
"Yes!"
"What is that..?"
"A powerful weed that turned one's hair white." Another horrified gasp. "And the Dark Lord... almost sipped it!" He made a horrified expression, blue eyes staring up into Sev's deep eyes, as he undoubtedly imagined himself with Malfoy-blond hair.
"The Dark Lord from now on hated the other Dark Lord, Lord Malfoy. He plotted revenge!" Severus put a hand on his mouth, in horror. The smarmiest git of all wrapped his left arm around the greasiest git's waist. "So, he sended one of his goons to Malfoy Castle... and he KILLEDED HIM!" He teehee'd, though, whether at the admission of Lord Malfoy's death, or with the fact that he was just so very close to the formerly untouchable Professor, neither him, nor I knew.
Severus' eyes went wide. "He killed him? What a waste of a perfectly pretty man!" A pause. "Did he steal the ... Malfoy cane?"
"It was a waste! ... and no. ... So he brought him back to life, to serve as his slave!
Many nights they made love. And again. And again! And again!!" A blindingly bright smile, and another ping.
"They sound as if they were taking far too many sexually stimulating potions. And they must have been very sore." His voice was getting sleepier now, as if he might drop off, at any moment. The blond sniggered.
"Yes. They were sore, but satisfied... and ... " An excited whimper. "They did it again. And again! AND AGAIN!"
"Getting a little carried away.." Severus said, his eyes slipping shut, a smirk on his face.
"Ehm." An unseen blush crossed the blond's face. "Well. Then they stopped, and had tea?"
"In bed..?" A tired shiver, at the thought of the crumbs in his bed.
"No, on the table, silly."
"Good thing that.." He murmured, softly.
"It was yummy tea."
"Mmm."
"Honey, and mint and.. extra cookies!" The incompetent wizard snuggled closer to the sleeping one. Severus' right crept around him, holding the warm body close. The soft breathing of the Potions Master lulled the other off to sleep. He began drooling lightly on the well built chest, and snoring heavily, waking the light sleeping Snape. Black eyes opened, suddenly, and he stared down at Gilderoy Lockhart, unable to believe how easily he'd been fooled.
"Hey...!"
**= If you haven't watched COS, you need to.. when Ron and Harry burst into Lockhart's office, there's a toupee on the desk! XD!!