Leaf: Wow. . .that's all I have to say. I'm glad you decided to start your
own account! I'll keep an eye out for ya, but please let me know when you
start your story, thanks! As to your couple preferences. . .in my story,
Home for the Holidays, I have H/C, R/Hr, and am probably going to have D/G.
At the end of this story you all are going to help me decide what to start.
It's either going to be a prequel or sequel to this story or Home for the
Holidays. Hehehe, I hope you'll continue to read my stories and thank you
for your support!
Kat: Yes, I'm all evil. Lol, but not to worry, I told you I would update by Friday, didn't I? Alas, Harry is indeed sinking lower and lower. But as I've said before, Christmas is going to be a pivotal point in the story. . .I'm thinking. . .two more chapters till I get there. 'Til then I'll be glad to keep you hanging on! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Maxwell Coffee House: ::sprinkles water of life on ya:: You okay? Hmm. . .perhaps it was safer to leave you unconscious. . .oh well, too late now. While you're up, why don't you read the chapter and drop off a review?
Laterose: No, not good at all. Don't worry. I can't kill him off. . .at least not yet. Lol, anyway, congrats on your awesome story, 'Fifth Year, I Haven't Done my Homework'. I wanted to review it, but my computer decided to be stupid and wouldn't let me. . .oh well. . .anyone reading this should go read that story ASAP!!!!!!
Kimmy: Well. . .kinda. It is making it harder for him to remember the good time and forcing him to replay the bad times and guilt IS amplified but. . .that's not all it's doing. I think it's a bit more surfaced in this chapter. Why don't you go on and see. And by the way, thanks, I had a great holiday, hope you had one, too.
Evil Willow: Thanks! You don't really think I'd kill Harry that way, do you? 'Course not! But I guess I kinda left it open to that kind of thinking, didn't I? Oh well. . .if you liked that chapter, you'll love this one! Hedwig gets a makeover!!!!!!! Hehehe! If you wanna know what I'm talking about read on!
Wanted: Love Ch20: Train Trauma
The green light exploded from the tip of his wand towards his chest. Ron, Hermione, and Lavender all shouted his name in disbelief. The three scrambled forward in a desperate attempt to stop Harry from being hit by the curse. In the end, though, it was pointless as the light had already hit him. At the contact the light burst brighter, sending Harry head over heels over the desk all the way to the other side of the room, burying him in broken shelves and plants. Ron, Hermione, and Lavender stood frozen, unable to move for a moment; then, as though someone had just released them from confinement, they rushed over to their friend who lay hidden underneath the rubble.
They instantly started digging for him and as they did, Ron spoke harshly to Hermione, "Why?"
"What?" she asked meekly, tossing a piece of wood over her shoulder.
"Why didn't you tell us, Hermione? Harry's dead. Why didn't you tell us?" he asked angrily.
"I. . .I. . .Harry, he. . ." Hermione choked, but mid way through she broke off with tears streaming out of her eyes and unable to continue digging, "He. . .he made me promise. . .he said he wouldn't do it again. . ."
"And you believed him!?" asked Ron. Hermione kept her eyes down and said nothing.
"When?" asked Lavender, quietly.
". . .The Halloween Ball." she whispered as Harry finally became visible.
They pulled him out and laid him on the ground where his shoulder muscles twitched a few times before settling down. Ron stretched his hand out and touched Harry's head then glared at Hermione.
"You had no right! You should have told us! I don't care if you swore to fuckin' Dumbledore! We had a right to know!" he shouted at her, stalking forward.
Hermione backed away and shook her head in denial, "I. . .I didn't think. . .he *promised*---"
Ron cut her off, "Dammit, Hermione! If he tried to kill himself before he obviously need help!"
Hermione was sobbing uncontrollably on the ground as Ron continued to berate her. Finally, Lavender had to pull him to a halt and slap him for him to be quiet.
"Ron! Leave her alone! Don't you think she knows she made an accident!? It's not her fault!" she scorned him. Ron looked to the ground angrily and kicked the table he was next to.
He looked at Lavender then at Hermione and then at Harry. Still bitter and angry, he crossed his arms and stared at nothing in particular. Then, slowly, he walked over to Hermione and bent in front of her.
"Sorry." he said softly through gritted teeth.
Hermione nodded in acceptance and gave a hiccup. Ron's eyes itched to let tears gather in them but he refused to let them make their presence known to the others. So, trying to get his mind off his feelings, he stood up and extended his hand to Hermione who took it.
Lavender smiled sadly at them then spoke softly, "What do we do now?"
Hermione looked to the door, "I suppose. . .I mean. . .we can't just leave him here."
The two nodded and Ron said with a hint of optimism, "At least he won't have to talk to him again."
Lavender was about to reply when. . .
"Harry!"
Sirius, Tali, Remus, Dumbledore, and Fudge hurried into the greenhouse and took in the sight. Almost immediately the adults were upon Harry.
"Harry, wake up!" shouted Tali, shaking him rather roughly.
"What happened!?" asked Fudge in a horrified voice when Harry's head only fell to the side. The three Gryffindors looked at him with great contempt and said nothing.
"What're *you* doing here?" asked Ron callously.
Fudge looked ready to reply with equal dislike when Dumbledore held up his hand, "Ron, please, what happened to Harry?"
They looked at each other then delivered the story as quickly as possible so as not to awaken too many of the pictures logged away about the memory.
"He what!?" shouted an enraged Sirius.
"Albus, what do we do now. Without the Chosen One we're doomed." said Fudge, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
"God dammit! Harry's dead and all you can think about is saving your own god damn ass!" Sirius yelled, pushing Fudge up against the glass wall. Tali and Remus soon accompanied Sirius and glared at the Minister of Magic.
"You will put me down now, Mr. Black, or I will see to it that you *are* locked up for the rest of your life." said Fudge straining against Sirius' grip.
Sneering, Sirius tightened his grip and shoved him farther up the wall, "You're welcome to try."
Fudge opened his mouth but found no words, though, he didn't need any. For at that moment. . .
"Oh, my head. . .dammit."
Disbelievingly, everyone turned around and saw Harry sitting up, in the other direction, staring at his hands.
"Harry!" exclaimed Hermione ecstatically.
Before Harry even had a chance to turn around, Hermione had launched herself at him and was hugging him, pinning his arms to his sides. As he attempted to loosen himself from Hermione's grip, Sirius dropped Fudge to the ground and hurried over to his godson.
"Get off." Harry said, squirming, but as soon as he freed himself from Hermione's grip and managed to stand up, he was knocked down again by Ron and Lavender.
"Dammit, Harry! What'd you do that for!?" Ron asked, however, before Harry could say anything, Sirius, Tali, and Remus slid into them.
"Harry! You're alive!" exclaimed Sirius, "Harry? Where are you?"
"I believe he's under all his friends, Padfoot." said Remus.
"I. . .can't. . .breathe. . ." Harry could be heard saying under the pile.
"Alright, alright, everyone, get off of Harry." said Dumbledore. The group tumbled off of Harry, some getting pulled off by Sirius.
Once he was free, Harry rubbed his back and stood up, "Think you could have been a bit gentler?"
Then he turned around and saw Fudge, "What're you doing here?"
"I think the more appropriate question here, Harry, is what were you thinking." said Fudge.
A strange emotion glazed over Harry's eyes quickly and he headed for the exit, "The hell should I tell you?"
"Don't walk away from me, Mr. Potter." said Fudge.
Harry chose to ignore him, and the others who spoke to him, and continued on his way. It wasn't until they were several meters away from the greenhouses that he stopped, and only because Tali had grabbed him by the hand.
"Harry, what's gotten into you lately?" she asked.
"Like you'd care." said Harry coldly.
"Of course we care, Harry! What's wrong with you?" asked Lavender.
"What? You mean why I would kill myself?" he asked. No one said anything but Lavender nodded silently.
Harry snorted, "Why not? It's almost over for me anyway. What's the point in dragging it out?"
"Stop saying that, Harry! You're not going anywhere!" cried Hermione.
"Hmph, that's what you think." said Harry.
"Harry, we can find a way around it. It'll be okay, you'll see." said Sirius.
"Around what?" asked Ron.
"Not likely, Black." said Fudge, then, turning to Harry, "You have a responsibility to this world, young man. You cannot die until you have completed it."
"The hell I can't!" said Harry, nostrils flaring and breaking free of Tali's grip.
"Harry, you still have time. I know you're upset, but why not live it out as best you can?" asked Fudge.
"You just don't get it! None of you do!" shouted Harry, silencing everyone, "There's nothing I can do in two months! If I'm going die, then why not now!? There's no *point*!"
"Die!?" asked Ron, Hermione, and Lavender at the same time.
Harry turned to them and smirked bitterly, "Yeah, I'm dying in February. Happy now?"
"Harry, why don't we go up to my office and have a cup of hot chocolate?" asked Dumbledore.
Harry knew he was only trying to get him out of an uncomfortable situation, but at the moment he didn't care and shook his head in reply.
"But. . .but how? Why?" asked Lavender.
"I would think that you could figure that out." Harry said mockingly.
"Harry is going to die after bringing peace to this world." said Fudge, noting their faces, "Which brings me to my point of business."
"Look, Minister, Harry isn't going with you or anyone else." said Remus forcefully.
Fudge looked him, "That really isn't for you to decide. It is in Harry's best interest to go to Siberia until he is needed. He'll be untouchable there."
"The hell he will! You-Know-Who will find a way to get to him no matter where he is!" Ron said angrily.
"Yeah, besides, all you want to do is make sure he's around to save your arse!" said Sirius with a look of disgust.
"I can talk for myself, you know." said Harry irritably.
"That's right. Go on, Harry. Tell him you're not going anywhere." said Hermione, giving him a little push forward.
Harry looked from face to face until his eyes came to rest on Fudge, "Don't think that I don't know what you're thinking. They're right. All you want is for me to stay alive long enough to save your damn life. . .but I'm not staying here. When do we leave?"
"What!?" shouted everyone, aside from Fudge who looked quite smug and Dumbledore who closed his eyes and bowed his head.
"Harry, you can't be serious!" exclaimed Tali.
"Christmas is in a week! You can't leave now!" said Hermione.
"Did you hit your head funny or something!?" asked Ron.
Harry stared blankly through all the protests of his friends. He wasn't about to stay somewhere that Voldemort could come after him and endanger his friends' lives. And maybe he could even find a way to the silence of oblivion without anyone there to stop him.
"Tomorrow at noon." said Fudge. Nodding, Harry turned and headed back towards the castle, friends in tow.
*****************************
"You're not going." said Ron simply, stepping in front of the exit to the common room.
"Ron, get out of the way." Harry said as though it wasn't an option.
"Harry, I don't get it, why are you doing this?" asked Hermione, standing next to Ron with Lavender.
"Look, I don't have time for this. Get out of my way." said Harry.
The school had already left for Christmas break earlier that morning but the three had stayed after to say farewell to their friend, though, at the rate things were going, Harry doubted he would be going anywhere.
"This has something to do with You-Know-Who, doesn't it?" asked Lavender.
"Why'd you say that?" he asked.
"Harry, we read the letter. You're not actually buying into it, are you? What that fucker does it his problem. It's not your fault!" said Ron.
Harry looked to the side for a minute and then back at them, this time with his wand in hand, "Out of the way."
Slowly and reluctantly they moved to the side. Harry left through the door, but they quickly followed him.
"That was a yes, wasn't it? Harry, think about it. There was nothing you could have done to stop him." said Ron.
Picking up his pace a bit, Harry muttered under his breath, "I brought him back."
"What?" asked Ron.
"Nothing, just go away. I don't need escorts." said Harry.
"We're almost there anyway. Come on, Harry. At least stay for Christmas!" pleaded Hermione.
"No. I've made up my mind, I'm going and no pesky little know-it-all is going to stop me." he said coldly.
Hermione's eyes widened as Ron grabbed Harry by the shoulder and spun him around, "Harry, I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but you have no right to talk to us like this. What the hell's wrong with you?"
"Why should I bother telling you? It'll just go through one ear and out the other." sneered Harry in a way that would make Draco proud.
"Harry, please, stop acting like this." begged Lavender.
Harry stopped in his tracks and turned around heatedly, "Don't you ever give up? Leave me the fuck alone! Why don't you do me a favor and go jump off a bridge or something?"
Ron stomped forward and before anymore words could be exchanged, Harry was knocked to the ground, clutching his stomach where Ron's fist had made contact with it, "No, Harry, why don't you do all of us a favor? Go on, go to Siberia. Just don't expect to find me waiting for you when you get back. I don't know who you are, but you definitely aren't my best friend anymore. Oh, and by the way, Happy Christmas."
With that, Ron tossed a gift at Harry's feet and hurried off back to the castle. Lavender bent down and placed another parcel at his feet then chased after her boyfriend. Hermione stood there for a moment then offered her hand to Harry who looked to the side and refused to take it. Holding back her tears, she dropped a gift at his feet, too, and turned to leave. However, only a few steps away she turned back to him.
"Ron's right, you know. You aren't the same Harry that I fell in love with. You've changed. . .and not for the better. I hope you have a good time in Siberia." she said before turning again and running, no longer able to hold back her tears.
Harry sat in silence, not able to come to grips with what had just happened. Half of the handful of people that actually cared for him now hated him. He bit his lip and only briefly considered leaving the gifts before pocketing them. After he pushed himself up, he reached over and massaged his arm. He lifted the robe's arm to reveal what had once been an arm. Well, it still was an arm, but one could not easily tell.
The blackish-green bruise has spread all the way up to his shoulder. Harry now had difficulty feeling anything in the area that the bruise covered. However, a semi deep cut from the night before had been jarred at his fall and the pain was severe enough for him to feel it. In truth, Harry knew that he should have someone look at it. At the cut, there wasn't any blood; apparently the bruise went throughout his entire arm. He wouldn't let anyone know about it, though. No one needed to know about it. So, with that though in mind, Harry dropped his robe's sleeve and continued on his way to the train station where he would be leaving.
Fudge had explained to him at breakfast that the wards on the place he was heading were so powerful that no portkey would work so they had to travel by land. Harry had almost suggested that they apparated there but decided that if a portkey wouldn't work, neither would that.
When he got to the station, Dumbledore, Fudge, Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, and Tali were waiting for him.
"Why so glum, Harry?" asked Fudge cheerfully, "Not having second thoughts I hope."
Harry shook his head, "It's nothing lets go."
Sirius nodded, "Yeah, we better get going if we're going to beat the storm."
"We?" asked Harry with knowing regret.
"I'm going with you. Tali can't because she has classes after break and Remus. . .well. . .it's the last full moon tonight. So that leaves just you and me." explained Sirius.
"And don't forget me." said Fudge.
Harry rolled his eyes at him. Of course Fudge would be going where the 'Chosen One' was going. Undoubtedly he was thinking that it was the safest place for him. Harry didn't bother to tell him that he didn't even know wandless magic, nor did he remember to mention the fact that Voldemort would probably be sending all his forces after him.
"Oh, Harry. Do take care of yourself." said Tali, giving him a hug.
"Yes, and you might want to keep an eye on Padfoot here, too." said Remus with a wink.
"Ha ha, Moony, very funny." said Sirius.
"Where are your friends, Harry?" asked Dumbledore, "I should think that they would want to say goodbye to you."
"They already did." Harry said quietly before heading to the train, "Let's go already."
"Look after him, Sirius. Make sure he doesn't try to hurt himself again." said Dumbledore after Harry had gone out of sight.
"Of course. You guys take care of yourselves. See you in February." said Sirius, giving a hug to each of his friends and then going to join Harry.
******************************
The train clambered on swiftly and silently. For three days the Aurors followed him everywhere he went. Harry couldn't remember ever seeing that many in one place before, not even at the Quidditch World Cup could measure up to this. Fudge sat in a different compartment after Harry, growing tired of his overly perky disposition, threatened to blow him up if he didn't go. So Harry was alone in the compartment with Sirius, who had fallen asleep in his seat after several hours of one-way discussion, and Hedwig who was also sleeping on the other side of the compartment, outside of her cage which Harry hadn't seen the point in packing. He had no doubt that there were Aurors scouring the corridors outside, and while he was grateful to have at least a little bit of peace inside, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering back to his last words with his friends. . .no, they weren't his friends anymore. They hated him. He had to get used to it. But at the same time he felt incredibly depressed at the situation.
Harry tilted his head up and thought for a moment. Why had he said the things he did? Now that he thought about it, he didn't know. Could it have simply been spur of the moment? He supposed it was, after all, he was quite angry at the time. Sighing, he looked over at Sirius who had begun to snore. He shook his head and stood up, walking to the window. The sky was darkening. The storm Sirius had been talking about would be starting soon. Harry opened the window and stuck his head out. Hogwarts was far gone and was almost able to see the ocean that they would be crossing to get to Europe.
Before he knew what he was doing, Harry hoisted himself out onto the rim of the window. He pulled himself up onto the roof and sat down. The wind ruffled his hair and Harry closed his eyes, listening to it blow past his ears. This was most likely the last bit of alone time he would have up until he died. Aurors and Sirius would never give him another moment's peace. He looked down. They were passing over a bridge. No one was there. . .why shouldn't he jump? Harry stood up and walked to the edge of the train. If he was going to do it, he needed to hurry. They were coming to the end of the bridge.
Harry spread his arms out and leaned forward. It was a wonderful feeling, falling through the air with nothing to hold him. His body turned side over side and he saw the train growing smaller and smaller. He smiled and closed his eyes. Then, suddenly, something was different. Harry opened his eyes and in horror realized that he was being pushed back up towards the train by a white light. It lifted him above the train a few feet before disappearing and leaving him to drop to the train's roof with a loud bump. He heard Sirius snort but heard no further and presumed he had gone back to sleep, not fully have awakened in the first place.
As he sat up a couple new feelings overcame him. The first, anger. That was the second time that he should have died. Why wasn't he? There was no reason for him to be able to live through all that. The second, nothingness. A similar sensation engulfed him. Shifting the position of his robes, he could see that the bruise had once again grown. Now it was filing out into his chest. His heart was now almost completely covered.
"Crap." he whispered to himself.
"Worried? I wouldn't be. Pretty soon it'll be all over for you, Potter."
Harry turned around and saw the last person he would ever have expected to see. Lucius Malfoy was standing a few feet down the train, smirking at him.
Harry quickly stood up and drew his wand, "What do you want, Malfoy?"
"No need to be so hasty on the wand, Potter. I just wanted to talk with you." replied Lucius.
"Why do I have a hard time believing that?" snarled Harry.
"Dear, dear. No wonder you got into a fight with Draco. . .but I do say, getting him suspended? Tsk, tsk. That was highly uncalled for."
"I'd hardly say that it was uncalled for. Just tell me why you're here or I'll blast you from here to Tahiti."
"I must say, you do have a way with persuasion, don't you? Very well, it's quite simple, really. You got my Lord rather upset at Peter. And I really must thank you. Now with him out of the picture, I have been given the honor of eradicating you." said Lucius, giving a bow in a mocking fashion.
"Why am I not surprised?" asked Harry.
"Surely you're not insinuating that it is so easily guessed that I'd be the one to kill you?" asked Lucius.
Harry snorted, "Who said anything about you killing me? That isn't going to happen."
True, he didn't want to live anymore. . .but he sure as hell wasn't going to let a bastard like Lucius be the one to kill him.
"Funny, that sounds just like what your mother said." smirked Lucius.
"What about my mum!?" shouted Harry.
"Sorry, that topic is not for discussion. Right now I only have one thing to carry out. Pulverous Brilec!"
Harry was thrown back with such force that a hole was created on the roof. He fell back into the compartment with Sirius and Hedwig, waking them up. Sirius looked from the hole in the roof to Harry who was hastily clambering to his feet.
"Harry, what do you think you're doing? What's going on?" Sirius asked.
Apparently, those in the compartment weren't the only one to be alerted into action, several guards from the hallways hurried into the room just in time to see Harry pull himself back onto the roof.
"I suppose you think that was funny?" asked Harry angrily at the look on Lucius' face, "Didn't anyone ever tell you about how to duel fairly?"
"And why would I want to do that?" asked Lucius, "Crucio!"
Harry, however, was prepared for it this time. He dove out of the way just in time.
As his tumbling came to a stop, he pointed his wand at Lucius, "Frisca Wicade!"
Lucius' robes caught on fire and while he put them out, Harry raced over to the hole in the roof where Sirius and few other Aurors were climbing up, "Stay down, I'll stop him in a minute."
"Pretty cocky, aren't you, boy?" asked Lucius.
"I'm not the one who's on fire." retorted Harry as Lucius managed to get rid of the last of the flames.
"Not anymore, listen, I've made my point. I must be going; my Lord will be waiting for my report. But. . .I'm not the unkind type. Here's a lovely parting gift. . .lets see if the 'Chosen One' can save the day again." said Lucius, gathering a ball of fire-looking energy in his hand before sending it careening out of control in all directions.
Lucius disappeared as the entire train caught fire. Sirius had now managed to climb onto the roof with a few other Aurors.
"Harry! Are you alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine; we have to get off before it explodes, though."
Sirius nodded and the few on the roof moved to the side of the train. They were passing through a thick forest and the odds of them jumping off without ramming into a tree weren't very good.
"Go!" Harry ordered the Aurors. Looking quite panicked they obeyed.
"You ready?" he asked Sirius who nodded.
"Let's get it over with." he said.
"Wait!" came a voice from the hole. Harry and Sirius stumbled over to the hole where Fudge was jumping pitifully at the hole, trying to get a grip and climb out.
Sirius shook his head, "Can't even climb out of a god damned hole by yourself."
He reached his hand down but at that moment the car on the end of the train exploded sending all three to the ground. By the time Harry managed to get back on his feet, the next car down exploded. Eyes wide, wind ruffling his hair, and dirt clinging to his face despite the sweat streaking down it, Harry watched in horror as cars on the left and right started exploding at a much more rapid rate. Looking down into the compartment where Fudge was, he noted that he had been knocked unconscious. He prepared himself to go in and pull him out himself, but Sirius stopped him.
"Harry, there's no time! We have to get off now!"
"We can't! Look! We're passing over another bridge!"
Sirius cursed and searched his mind for a solution. However, before either could come up with anything, what remained of the train tipped onto its side. Harry and Sirius were flung off the roof. As they fell past the track the rest of the train exploded and bits and pieces of metal hitting them rather forcefully in what would undoubtedly be many bruises, if not cuts.
"Harry!" shouted Sirius, grasping at his robes.
"What!?" Harry asked as he was turned around.
"I'm sorry!"
"For what!?"
"I was supposed to protect you!"
Harry smiled in spite of himself, "Don't worry about it! It's not your fault!"
Sirius gave him a hug, "So this is it, huh?"
Harry nodded; they were now about half way to the raging river below. Pretty soon they would collide with the jagged rocks below and be only a memory. He smiled, at least his friends would be glad to hear of his death.
(AN: Leave it there? Hmm. . .very tempting but. . .I just left you on a cliffy last time. . .I guess I'll wrap it up a bit more)
Suddenly, a loud screeching brought both Harry and Sirius out of their last thoughts. Hedwig was soaring towards them quickly. Harry had forgotten about her, though, he couldn't see what she could possibly hope to accomplish. When she finally reached them, Harry felt an immense power start to emerge from his hand. He looked down and his wand, which he had completely forgotten about holding, was shaking and emitting a pale yellow light.
Seemingly automatic, his hand flew up and hit Hedwig. A blinding light burst from the bird, but when Harry tried to take his hand off the wand to cover his eyes, he found it glued to it.
"What's going on!?" he heard Sirius shouting.
"How the hell should I know!?" responded Harry.
Then, as quickly as it had started, it ended. And where Hedwig had once been, now was a pure snowy white phoenix with black around its beak and black specs on its tail and wing feathers. Immediately, the bird dove and caught Harry by the robes. Harry reached his hand out and grabbed Sirius' hand. The three were very quickly back on the safety of ground. The bird dropped them then perched itself on a low branch so it was eye to eye with Harry and cocked its head.
Author's Note: Yes, that's a much better stopping place. I'm sorry I took so long. I don't think I'm gonna set promises for releases. Every time I do something happens. First, my computer loses its connection with the internet. And then I got stumped on how to phrase the opening scene. . .ugh. No more promises! Anyway, how was it? Bet you weren't expecting that, were you? Ron punches Harry. Fudge dies. Hedwig is no longer an owl. Lots happened. . .so was it worth the wait? Oh, I'm so excited! One more chapter and then it's Christmas for them! Yay! Well, school starts tomorrow, so I best be off! Please write a review!
Kat: Yes, I'm all evil. Lol, but not to worry, I told you I would update by Friday, didn't I? Alas, Harry is indeed sinking lower and lower. But as I've said before, Christmas is going to be a pivotal point in the story. . .I'm thinking. . .two more chapters till I get there. 'Til then I'll be glad to keep you hanging on! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Maxwell Coffee House: ::sprinkles water of life on ya:: You okay? Hmm. . .perhaps it was safer to leave you unconscious. . .oh well, too late now. While you're up, why don't you read the chapter and drop off a review?
Laterose: No, not good at all. Don't worry. I can't kill him off. . .at least not yet. Lol, anyway, congrats on your awesome story, 'Fifth Year, I Haven't Done my Homework'. I wanted to review it, but my computer decided to be stupid and wouldn't let me. . .oh well. . .anyone reading this should go read that story ASAP!!!!!!
Kimmy: Well. . .kinda. It is making it harder for him to remember the good time and forcing him to replay the bad times and guilt IS amplified but. . .that's not all it's doing. I think it's a bit more surfaced in this chapter. Why don't you go on and see. And by the way, thanks, I had a great holiday, hope you had one, too.
Evil Willow: Thanks! You don't really think I'd kill Harry that way, do you? 'Course not! But I guess I kinda left it open to that kind of thinking, didn't I? Oh well. . .if you liked that chapter, you'll love this one! Hedwig gets a makeover!!!!!!! Hehehe! If you wanna know what I'm talking about read on!
Wanted: Love Ch20: Train Trauma
The green light exploded from the tip of his wand towards his chest. Ron, Hermione, and Lavender all shouted his name in disbelief. The three scrambled forward in a desperate attempt to stop Harry from being hit by the curse. In the end, though, it was pointless as the light had already hit him. At the contact the light burst brighter, sending Harry head over heels over the desk all the way to the other side of the room, burying him in broken shelves and plants. Ron, Hermione, and Lavender stood frozen, unable to move for a moment; then, as though someone had just released them from confinement, they rushed over to their friend who lay hidden underneath the rubble.
They instantly started digging for him and as they did, Ron spoke harshly to Hermione, "Why?"
"What?" she asked meekly, tossing a piece of wood over her shoulder.
"Why didn't you tell us, Hermione? Harry's dead. Why didn't you tell us?" he asked angrily.
"I. . .I. . .Harry, he. . ." Hermione choked, but mid way through she broke off with tears streaming out of her eyes and unable to continue digging, "He. . .he made me promise. . .he said he wouldn't do it again. . ."
"And you believed him!?" asked Ron. Hermione kept her eyes down and said nothing.
"When?" asked Lavender, quietly.
". . .The Halloween Ball." she whispered as Harry finally became visible.
They pulled him out and laid him on the ground where his shoulder muscles twitched a few times before settling down. Ron stretched his hand out and touched Harry's head then glared at Hermione.
"You had no right! You should have told us! I don't care if you swore to fuckin' Dumbledore! We had a right to know!" he shouted at her, stalking forward.
Hermione backed away and shook her head in denial, "I. . .I didn't think. . .he *promised*---"
Ron cut her off, "Dammit, Hermione! If he tried to kill himself before he obviously need help!"
Hermione was sobbing uncontrollably on the ground as Ron continued to berate her. Finally, Lavender had to pull him to a halt and slap him for him to be quiet.
"Ron! Leave her alone! Don't you think she knows she made an accident!? It's not her fault!" she scorned him. Ron looked to the ground angrily and kicked the table he was next to.
He looked at Lavender then at Hermione and then at Harry. Still bitter and angry, he crossed his arms and stared at nothing in particular. Then, slowly, he walked over to Hermione and bent in front of her.
"Sorry." he said softly through gritted teeth.
Hermione nodded in acceptance and gave a hiccup. Ron's eyes itched to let tears gather in them but he refused to let them make their presence known to the others. So, trying to get his mind off his feelings, he stood up and extended his hand to Hermione who took it.
Lavender smiled sadly at them then spoke softly, "What do we do now?"
Hermione looked to the door, "I suppose. . .I mean. . .we can't just leave him here."
The two nodded and Ron said with a hint of optimism, "At least he won't have to talk to him again."
Lavender was about to reply when. . .
"Harry!"
Sirius, Tali, Remus, Dumbledore, and Fudge hurried into the greenhouse and took in the sight. Almost immediately the adults were upon Harry.
"Harry, wake up!" shouted Tali, shaking him rather roughly.
"What happened!?" asked Fudge in a horrified voice when Harry's head only fell to the side. The three Gryffindors looked at him with great contempt and said nothing.
"What're *you* doing here?" asked Ron callously.
Fudge looked ready to reply with equal dislike when Dumbledore held up his hand, "Ron, please, what happened to Harry?"
They looked at each other then delivered the story as quickly as possible so as not to awaken too many of the pictures logged away about the memory.
"He what!?" shouted an enraged Sirius.
"Albus, what do we do now. Without the Chosen One we're doomed." said Fudge, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
"God dammit! Harry's dead and all you can think about is saving your own god damn ass!" Sirius yelled, pushing Fudge up against the glass wall. Tali and Remus soon accompanied Sirius and glared at the Minister of Magic.
"You will put me down now, Mr. Black, or I will see to it that you *are* locked up for the rest of your life." said Fudge straining against Sirius' grip.
Sneering, Sirius tightened his grip and shoved him farther up the wall, "You're welcome to try."
Fudge opened his mouth but found no words, though, he didn't need any. For at that moment. . .
"Oh, my head. . .dammit."
Disbelievingly, everyone turned around and saw Harry sitting up, in the other direction, staring at his hands.
"Harry!" exclaimed Hermione ecstatically.
Before Harry even had a chance to turn around, Hermione had launched herself at him and was hugging him, pinning his arms to his sides. As he attempted to loosen himself from Hermione's grip, Sirius dropped Fudge to the ground and hurried over to his godson.
"Get off." Harry said, squirming, but as soon as he freed himself from Hermione's grip and managed to stand up, he was knocked down again by Ron and Lavender.
"Dammit, Harry! What'd you do that for!?" Ron asked, however, before Harry could say anything, Sirius, Tali, and Remus slid into them.
"Harry! You're alive!" exclaimed Sirius, "Harry? Where are you?"
"I believe he's under all his friends, Padfoot." said Remus.
"I. . .can't. . .breathe. . ." Harry could be heard saying under the pile.
"Alright, alright, everyone, get off of Harry." said Dumbledore. The group tumbled off of Harry, some getting pulled off by Sirius.
Once he was free, Harry rubbed his back and stood up, "Think you could have been a bit gentler?"
Then he turned around and saw Fudge, "What're you doing here?"
"I think the more appropriate question here, Harry, is what were you thinking." said Fudge.
A strange emotion glazed over Harry's eyes quickly and he headed for the exit, "The hell should I tell you?"
"Don't walk away from me, Mr. Potter." said Fudge.
Harry chose to ignore him, and the others who spoke to him, and continued on his way. It wasn't until they were several meters away from the greenhouses that he stopped, and only because Tali had grabbed him by the hand.
"Harry, what's gotten into you lately?" she asked.
"Like you'd care." said Harry coldly.
"Of course we care, Harry! What's wrong with you?" asked Lavender.
"What? You mean why I would kill myself?" he asked. No one said anything but Lavender nodded silently.
Harry snorted, "Why not? It's almost over for me anyway. What's the point in dragging it out?"
"Stop saying that, Harry! You're not going anywhere!" cried Hermione.
"Hmph, that's what you think." said Harry.
"Harry, we can find a way around it. It'll be okay, you'll see." said Sirius.
"Around what?" asked Ron.
"Not likely, Black." said Fudge, then, turning to Harry, "You have a responsibility to this world, young man. You cannot die until you have completed it."
"The hell I can't!" said Harry, nostrils flaring and breaking free of Tali's grip.
"Harry, you still have time. I know you're upset, but why not live it out as best you can?" asked Fudge.
"You just don't get it! None of you do!" shouted Harry, silencing everyone, "There's nothing I can do in two months! If I'm going die, then why not now!? There's no *point*!"
"Die!?" asked Ron, Hermione, and Lavender at the same time.
Harry turned to them and smirked bitterly, "Yeah, I'm dying in February. Happy now?"
"Harry, why don't we go up to my office and have a cup of hot chocolate?" asked Dumbledore.
Harry knew he was only trying to get him out of an uncomfortable situation, but at the moment he didn't care and shook his head in reply.
"But. . .but how? Why?" asked Lavender.
"I would think that you could figure that out." Harry said mockingly.
"Harry is going to die after bringing peace to this world." said Fudge, noting their faces, "Which brings me to my point of business."
"Look, Minister, Harry isn't going with you or anyone else." said Remus forcefully.
Fudge looked him, "That really isn't for you to decide. It is in Harry's best interest to go to Siberia until he is needed. He'll be untouchable there."
"The hell he will! You-Know-Who will find a way to get to him no matter where he is!" Ron said angrily.
"Yeah, besides, all you want to do is make sure he's around to save your arse!" said Sirius with a look of disgust.
"I can talk for myself, you know." said Harry irritably.
"That's right. Go on, Harry. Tell him you're not going anywhere." said Hermione, giving him a little push forward.
Harry looked from face to face until his eyes came to rest on Fudge, "Don't think that I don't know what you're thinking. They're right. All you want is for me to stay alive long enough to save your damn life. . .but I'm not staying here. When do we leave?"
"What!?" shouted everyone, aside from Fudge who looked quite smug and Dumbledore who closed his eyes and bowed his head.
"Harry, you can't be serious!" exclaimed Tali.
"Christmas is in a week! You can't leave now!" said Hermione.
"Did you hit your head funny or something!?" asked Ron.
Harry stared blankly through all the protests of his friends. He wasn't about to stay somewhere that Voldemort could come after him and endanger his friends' lives. And maybe he could even find a way to the silence of oblivion without anyone there to stop him.
"Tomorrow at noon." said Fudge. Nodding, Harry turned and headed back towards the castle, friends in tow.
*****************************
"You're not going." said Ron simply, stepping in front of the exit to the common room.
"Ron, get out of the way." Harry said as though it wasn't an option.
"Harry, I don't get it, why are you doing this?" asked Hermione, standing next to Ron with Lavender.
"Look, I don't have time for this. Get out of my way." said Harry.
The school had already left for Christmas break earlier that morning but the three had stayed after to say farewell to their friend, though, at the rate things were going, Harry doubted he would be going anywhere.
"This has something to do with You-Know-Who, doesn't it?" asked Lavender.
"Why'd you say that?" he asked.
"Harry, we read the letter. You're not actually buying into it, are you? What that fucker does it his problem. It's not your fault!" said Ron.
Harry looked to the side for a minute and then back at them, this time with his wand in hand, "Out of the way."
Slowly and reluctantly they moved to the side. Harry left through the door, but they quickly followed him.
"That was a yes, wasn't it? Harry, think about it. There was nothing you could have done to stop him." said Ron.
Picking up his pace a bit, Harry muttered under his breath, "I brought him back."
"What?" asked Ron.
"Nothing, just go away. I don't need escorts." said Harry.
"We're almost there anyway. Come on, Harry. At least stay for Christmas!" pleaded Hermione.
"No. I've made up my mind, I'm going and no pesky little know-it-all is going to stop me." he said coldly.
Hermione's eyes widened as Ron grabbed Harry by the shoulder and spun him around, "Harry, I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but you have no right to talk to us like this. What the hell's wrong with you?"
"Why should I bother telling you? It'll just go through one ear and out the other." sneered Harry in a way that would make Draco proud.
"Harry, please, stop acting like this." begged Lavender.
Harry stopped in his tracks and turned around heatedly, "Don't you ever give up? Leave me the fuck alone! Why don't you do me a favor and go jump off a bridge or something?"
Ron stomped forward and before anymore words could be exchanged, Harry was knocked to the ground, clutching his stomach where Ron's fist had made contact with it, "No, Harry, why don't you do all of us a favor? Go on, go to Siberia. Just don't expect to find me waiting for you when you get back. I don't know who you are, but you definitely aren't my best friend anymore. Oh, and by the way, Happy Christmas."
With that, Ron tossed a gift at Harry's feet and hurried off back to the castle. Lavender bent down and placed another parcel at his feet then chased after her boyfriend. Hermione stood there for a moment then offered her hand to Harry who looked to the side and refused to take it. Holding back her tears, she dropped a gift at his feet, too, and turned to leave. However, only a few steps away she turned back to him.
"Ron's right, you know. You aren't the same Harry that I fell in love with. You've changed. . .and not for the better. I hope you have a good time in Siberia." she said before turning again and running, no longer able to hold back her tears.
Harry sat in silence, not able to come to grips with what had just happened. Half of the handful of people that actually cared for him now hated him. He bit his lip and only briefly considered leaving the gifts before pocketing them. After he pushed himself up, he reached over and massaged his arm. He lifted the robe's arm to reveal what had once been an arm. Well, it still was an arm, but one could not easily tell.
The blackish-green bruise has spread all the way up to his shoulder. Harry now had difficulty feeling anything in the area that the bruise covered. However, a semi deep cut from the night before had been jarred at his fall and the pain was severe enough for him to feel it. In truth, Harry knew that he should have someone look at it. At the cut, there wasn't any blood; apparently the bruise went throughout his entire arm. He wouldn't let anyone know about it, though. No one needed to know about it. So, with that though in mind, Harry dropped his robe's sleeve and continued on his way to the train station where he would be leaving.
Fudge had explained to him at breakfast that the wards on the place he was heading were so powerful that no portkey would work so they had to travel by land. Harry had almost suggested that they apparated there but decided that if a portkey wouldn't work, neither would that.
When he got to the station, Dumbledore, Fudge, Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, and Tali were waiting for him.
"Why so glum, Harry?" asked Fudge cheerfully, "Not having second thoughts I hope."
Harry shook his head, "It's nothing lets go."
Sirius nodded, "Yeah, we better get going if we're going to beat the storm."
"We?" asked Harry with knowing regret.
"I'm going with you. Tali can't because she has classes after break and Remus. . .well. . .it's the last full moon tonight. So that leaves just you and me." explained Sirius.
"And don't forget me." said Fudge.
Harry rolled his eyes at him. Of course Fudge would be going where the 'Chosen One' was going. Undoubtedly he was thinking that it was the safest place for him. Harry didn't bother to tell him that he didn't even know wandless magic, nor did he remember to mention the fact that Voldemort would probably be sending all his forces after him.
"Oh, Harry. Do take care of yourself." said Tali, giving him a hug.
"Yes, and you might want to keep an eye on Padfoot here, too." said Remus with a wink.
"Ha ha, Moony, very funny." said Sirius.
"Where are your friends, Harry?" asked Dumbledore, "I should think that they would want to say goodbye to you."
"They already did." Harry said quietly before heading to the train, "Let's go already."
"Look after him, Sirius. Make sure he doesn't try to hurt himself again." said Dumbledore after Harry had gone out of sight.
"Of course. You guys take care of yourselves. See you in February." said Sirius, giving a hug to each of his friends and then going to join Harry.
******************************
The train clambered on swiftly and silently. For three days the Aurors followed him everywhere he went. Harry couldn't remember ever seeing that many in one place before, not even at the Quidditch World Cup could measure up to this. Fudge sat in a different compartment after Harry, growing tired of his overly perky disposition, threatened to blow him up if he didn't go. So Harry was alone in the compartment with Sirius, who had fallen asleep in his seat after several hours of one-way discussion, and Hedwig who was also sleeping on the other side of the compartment, outside of her cage which Harry hadn't seen the point in packing. He had no doubt that there were Aurors scouring the corridors outside, and while he was grateful to have at least a little bit of peace inside, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering back to his last words with his friends. . .no, they weren't his friends anymore. They hated him. He had to get used to it. But at the same time he felt incredibly depressed at the situation.
Harry tilted his head up and thought for a moment. Why had he said the things he did? Now that he thought about it, he didn't know. Could it have simply been spur of the moment? He supposed it was, after all, he was quite angry at the time. Sighing, he looked over at Sirius who had begun to snore. He shook his head and stood up, walking to the window. The sky was darkening. The storm Sirius had been talking about would be starting soon. Harry opened the window and stuck his head out. Hogwarts was far gone and was almost able to see the ocean that they would be crossing to get to Europe.
Before he knew what he was doing, Harry hoisted himself out onto the rim of the window. He pulled himself up onto the roof and sat down. The wind ruffled his hair and Harry closed his eyes, listening to it blow past his ears. This was most likely the last bit of alone time he would have up until he died. Aurors and Sirius would never give him another moment's peace. He looked down. They were passing over a bridge. No one was there. . .why shouldn't he jump? Harry stood up and walked to the edge of the train. If he was going to do it, he needed to hurry. They were coming to the end of the bridge.
Harry spread his arms out and leaned forward. It was a wonderful feeling, falling through the air with nothing to hold him. His body turned side over side and he saw the train growing smaller and smaller. He smiled and closed his eyes. Then, suddenly, something was different. Harry opened his eyes and in horror realized that he was being pushed back up towards the train by a white light. It lifted him above the train a few feet before disappearing and leaving him to drop to the train's roof with a loud bump. He heard Sirius snort but heard no further and presumed he had gone back to sleep, not fully have awakened in the first place.
As he sat up a couple new feelings overcame him. The first, anger. That was the second time that he should have died. Why wasn't he? There was no reason for him to be able to live through all that. The second, nothingness. A similar sensation engulfed him. Shifting the position of his robes, he could see that the bruise had once again grown. Now it was filing out into his chest. His heart was now almost completely covered.
"Crap." he whispered to himself.
"Worried? I wouldn't be. Pretty soon it'll be all over for you, Potter."
Harry turned around and saw the last person he would ever have expected to see. Lucius Malfoy was standing a few feet down the train, smirking at him.
Harry quickly stood up and drew his wand, "What do you want, Malfoy?"
"No need to be so hasty on the wand, Potter. I just wanted to talk with you." replied Lucius.
"Why do I have a hard time believing that?" snarled Harry.
"Dear, dear. No wonder you got into a fight with Draco. . .but I do say, getting him suspended? Tsk, tsk. That was highly uncalled for."
"I'd hardly say that it was uncalled for. Just tell me why you're here or I'll blast you from here to Tahiti."
"I must say, you do have a way with persuasion, don't you? Very well, it's quite simple, really. You got my Lord rather upset at Peter. And I really must thank you. Now with him out of the picture, I have been given the honor of eradicating you." said Lucius, giving a bow in a mocking fashion.
"Why am I not surprised?" asked Harry.
"Surely you're not insinuating that it is so easily guessed that I'd be the one to kill you?" asked Lucius.
Harry snorted, "Who said anything about you killing me? That isn't going to happen."
True, he didn't want to live anymore. . .but he sure as hell wasn't going to let a bastard like Lucius be the one to kill him.
"Funny, that sounds just like what your mother said." smirked Lucius.
"What about my mum!?" shouted Harry.
"Sorry, that topic is not for discussion. Right now I only have one thing to carry out. Pulverous Brilec!"
Harry was thrown back with such force that a hole was created on the roof. He fell back into the compartment with Sirius and Hedwig, waking them up. Sirius looked from the hole in the roof to Harry who was hastily clambering to his feet.
"Harry, what do you think you're doing? What's going on?" Sirius asked.
Apparently, those in the compartment weren't the only one to be alerted into action, several guards from the hallways hurried into the room just in time to see Harry pull himself back onto the roof.
"I suppose you think that was funny?" asked Harry angrily at the look on Lucius' face, "Didn't anyone ever tell you about how to duel fairly?"
"And why would I want to do that?" asked Lucius, "Crucio!"
Harry, however, was prepared for it this time. He dove out of the way just in time.
As his tumbling came to a stop, he pointed his wand at Lucius, "Frisca Wicade!"
Lucius' robes caught on fire and while he put them out, Harry raced over to the hole in the roof where Sirius and few other Aurors were climbing up, "Stay down, I'll stop him in a minute."
"Pretty cocky, aren't you, boy?" asked Lucius.
"I'm not the one who's on fire." retorted Harry as Lucius managed to get rid of the last of the flames.
"Not anymore, listen, I've made my point. I must be going; my Lord will be waiting for my report. But. . .I'm not the unkind type. Here's a lovely parting gift. . .lets see if the 'Chosen One' can save the day again." said Lucius, gathering a ball of fire-looking energy in his hand before sending it careening out of control in all directions.
Lucius disappeared as the entire train caught fire. Sirius had now managed to climb onto the roof with a few other Aurors.
"Harry! Are you alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine; we have to get off before it explodes, though."
Sirius nodded and the few on the roof moved to the side of the train. They were passing through a thick forest and the odds of them jumping off without ramming into a tree weren't very good.
"Go!" Harry ordered the Aurors. Looking quite panicked they obeyed.
"You ready?" he asked Sirius who nodded.
"Let's get it over with." he said.
"Wait!" came a voice from the hole. Harry and Sirius stumbled over to the hole where Fudge was jumping pitifully at the hole, trying to get a grip and climb out.
Sirius shook his head, "Can't even climb out of a god damned hole by yourself."
He reached his hand down but at that moment the car on the end of the train exploded sending all three to the ground. By the time Harry managed to get back on his feet, the next car down exploded. Eyes wide, wind ruffling his hair, and dirt clinging to his face despite the sweat streaking down it, Harry watched in horror as cars on the left and right started exploding at a much more rapid rate. Looking down into the compartment where Fudge was, he noted that he had been knocked unconscious. He prepared himself to go in and pull him out himself, but Sirius stopped him.
"Harry, there's no time! We have to get off now!"
"We can't! Look! We're passing over another bridge!"
Sirius cursed and searched his mind for a solution. However, before either could come up with anything, what remained of the train tipped onto its side. Harry and Sirius were flung off the roof. As they fell past the track the rest of the train exploded and bits and pieces of metal hitting them rather forcefully in what would undoubtedly be many bruises, if not cuts.
"Harry!" shouted Sirius, grasping at his robes.
"What!?" Harry asked as he was turned around.
"I'm sorry!"
"For what!?"
"I was supposed to protect you!"
Harry smiled in spite of himself, "Don't worry about it! It's not your fault!"
Sirius gave him a hug, "So this is it, huh?"
Harry nodded; they were now about half way to the raging river below. Pretty soon they would collide with the jagged rocks below and be only a memory. He smiled, at least his friends would be glad to hear of his death.
(AN: Leave it there? Hmm. . .very tempting but. . .I just left you on a cliffy last time. . .I guess I'll wrap it up a bit more)
Suddenly, a loud screeching brought both Harry and Sirius out of their last thoughts. Hedwig was soaring towards them quickly. Harry had forgotten about her, though, he couldn't see what she could possibly hope to accomplish. When she finally reached them, Harry felt an immense power start to emerge from his hand. He looked down and his wand, which he had completely forgotten about holding, was shaking and emitting a pale yellow light.
Seemingly automatic, his hand flew up and hit Hedwig. A blinding light burst from the bird, but when Harry tried to take his hand off the wand to cover his eyes, he found it glued to it.
"What's going on!?" he heard Sirius shouting.
"How the hell should I know!?" responded Harry.
Then, as quickly as it had started, it ended. And where Hedwig had once been, now was a pure snowy white phoenix with black around its beak and black specs on its tail and wing feathers. Immediately, the bird dove and caught Harry by the robes. Harry reached his hand out and grabbed Sirius' hand. The three were very quickly back on the safety of ground. The bird dropped them then perched itself on a low branch so it was eye to eye with Harry and cocked its head.
Author's Note: Yes, that's a much better stopping place. I'm sorry I took so long. I don't think I'm gonna set promises for releases. Every time I do something happens. First, my computer loses its connection with the internet. And then I got stumped on how to phrase the opening scene. . .ugh. No more promises! Anyway, how was it? Bet you weren't expecting that, were you? Ron punches Harry. Fudge dies. Hedwig is no longer an owl. Lots happened. . .so was it worth the wait? Oh, I'm so excited! One more chapter and then it's Christmas for them! Yay! Well, school starts tomorrow, so I best be off! Please write a review!