parte seis
"I feel drunk but my senses are so clear...Michael? Michael what is this?" "The. Touch. Of. Looooove." "You're definantly singing now...just thank god it's not karaoke night." "Aww...then we could have had a cheesy karaoke bar romance!" "Every girl's dream..." I laughed. "My god...Will..." She said after a minute, grinning and shaking her head. "What?" "Will did that once...he brought me to a karaoke bar, sung this horrible love song, then tried to get me drunk." I raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Poor Sydney, getting seduced by every man she sees." "It wasn't funny! He was like... 'Have another drink, Sydney! And another! Let's get drunk!" I laughed again. "Will sounds like a cool guy. But the trick to getting someone drunk is to [i]dare[/i]them to drink up."
She opened her mouth, then closed it. "Very funny." "You think I jest?" She stared at me for a minute, sort of grinning. Then she snapped out of and made a supreme effort not to look at me. Because if she did, she'd probably realize that I [i]wasn't[/i] kidding. Not in the least. "I can't believe I let you talk me into drinking that." "If I'm correct, I believe that [i]you[/i] are the one who originally dared me." "Oh yeah, I want your sexy body." She said, rolling her eyes and grinning. Then she sighed sleepily and leaned back on me. I put my arms around her and smiled. "I have a question." "Anything your heart desires." "Can I call you..."
"Michael?" I brought my head up from the table where it had been resting. "Of course you can." I saw her face scrunch up. "What?" I looked around. I wasn't in Vegas, didn't have my arms around her. "Sorry, I must have been...Nevermind." I mumbled. She was leaning against the chain link fence, and her face unreadable. I could sense hesitancy, anger, annoyance, and for a fleeting second something that looked like...desire. But I could have been wrong. "You called?" She was pissed off, and I wondered what I had done wrong...something about what I had said before upset her. Her parents or whatever...which was strange. My words were meant to be comforting, not damaging. "Yeah, I just...well, you kind of..." Why did I call her? Because I was concerned about her. Damn me and my emotional attachment. "You what?" Her eyes sparkled dangerously and I saw a fire lighting within them that terrified me. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I mean, you left kind of suddenly, and i wanted to make sure I hadn't done anything to offend you..." "Offend me? Trust me, Michael, you've done nothing to offend me." Michael? "Then...just...why did you run out like that? You worried me..." Her dark eyes flashed. "I worried you by running out...Jesus, Michael, what are we, married? Look, you are a skilled agent. You report counter missions to the CIA's mole inside Sd-6. I am nothing more than an asset to the CIA, or to you, do you understand that? There is nothing else there." I took a step back. Her eyes were pounding into my brain, staring through me. "Sydney, you know that-" "NO, Michael, there is no hockey game, there is no Vegas, there is no us, ok? Why can't you understand that? The rules of protocol are written down in black and white!" "Sometimes you have to read between the lines, Sydney..." I muttered softly. She shut her mouth quickly and her face changed instantly from anger to an un-readable but much softer expression. "I live between the lines, Michael. There is nothing there for us." The distance on her face killed me and I took a step towards her. "Maybe you just have to look harder." Her eyes flashed dangerously as I moved towards her and her previous calmness was all but gone. "Damnit, Michael, don't you understand me? There is nothing here! We'll only end up screwing each other over and messing up something that was never intended to be messed with in the first place." I was at a loss for words. "Sydney...is there...was...did I do something?" She glared at me. "Don't credit yourself with having an effect on my mood. But, yes, Michael Vaughn, you did do something. You did a lot." She shook her head and stared into an unknown corner of the warehouse, her face softening and then returning to it's previous glare in under a second. "What did I...Sydney, why won't you tell me what's wrong?" She paused and bit her lip. A ray of light passed her face and I could see she had been crying. "Syd, are you ok?" "Damnit, Vaughn, when am I ever ok? Have you ever looked at yourself, reall tkaen a step back and seen who you really are? What you see is a well- off man with a good job and a good life. Do you want to know what I see, Michael? I see a little girl who is one step from total chaos, one step from falling of the edge. I see someone who has seen more death, more destruction, more hate merely at a day at the office then anyone deserves to see in a lifetime, someone who has no one but themselves to rely on, and even that source is so shaken up that she is living her life off-balance. Do you understand that? My life is merely waiting for the one thing that will tip me off balance and send me over the edge." She turned her back to me and stared into the distance. Then she turned back around and I could see the glimmer of tears on her cheeks. Despite these, her voice was low and bitter. "Do you want to know where you come in, Michael? Do you remember that day I walked into your office with that mid life crisis looking hair and smudged make up? That was the closest I've been to falling, to motion myself into sleep and never waking up. I was teetering on the edge to begin with, and when that one support that Danny had been suddenly collapsed, I was this close to falling. But then I walked into your office and ever since then the support that Danny had been was replaced by another, sturdier support which has remained there for so long that if it fell again, there would be no question as to whether I would be still standing. But then, then something happened, and that support is gone. Don't you understand? What you did...what we did...it's over now. I can't keep going on like this. So... it's over." She began walking towards the exit, tears streaming down her face. "Syd. Sydney! What did I...did we...what happened? Sydney, please don't do this..." I ran to catch up with her and caught her arm. She stood for a second and looked down at my hand, and I could see desire written all over her face before she shook her head and swallowed back her tears. "I've been there, Michael. Don't make me go back." With that she looked into my eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, and left the warehouse.
I sat in the warehouse for almost an hour before I really got pissed at her. She had no right to leave me like that- just to walk out with a thousand questions left unanswered, to throw in my face something I don't even know about. She had no right to make me feel guilty for something I didn't do. I ran out to my car and headed in the direction I figured she had left- towards Will's house- while taking out my cell phone. I wasn't allowed to have her number on the speed dial, but I had it memorized since I learned it, so that wasn't a problem. It rang three times before someone picked it up. I could see her hesitating before answering. But I figured she was searching blindly and picked it up before looking at the caller- I didn't expect her to actually answer. When she did, her voice was low and dismal. "Yeah?" Maybe she did know it was me. "Francie?" Maybe not. "Sydney." I heard her breathing on the other end of the phone line. "Sydney!" She remained silent. "Damnit, Sydney, you have no right to do this! I can't fucking read minds! I don't know what the hell you're talking about, about you, about me, about us, about whatever we did...what did we do? You can't even give me the gracing decency to tell me what the hell this is all about! And then you come expecting me to comfort you and save the day! God damnit, Sydney, don't you think you've put me through enough pain already?" "I love you." She said softly, then hung up.
"I feel drunk but my senses are so clear...Michael? Michael what is this?" "The. Touch. Of. Looooove." "You're definantly singing now...just thank god it's not karaoke night." "Aww...then we could have had a cheesy karaoke bar romance!" "Every girl's dream..." I laughed. "My god...Will..." She said after a minute, grinning and shaking her head. "What?" "Will did that once...he brought me to a karaoke bar, sung this horrible love song, then tried to get me drunk." I raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Poor Sydney, getting seduced by every man she sees." "It wasn't funny! He was like... 'Have another drink, Sydney! And another! Let's get drunk!" I laughed again. "Will sounds like a cool guy. But the trick to getting someone drunk is to [i]dare[/i]them to drink up."
She opened her mouth, then closed it. "Very funny." "You think I jest?" She stared at me for a minute, sort of grinning. Then she snapped out of and made a supreme effort not to look at me. Because if she did, she'd probably realize that I [i]wasn't[/i] kidding. Not in the least. "I can't believe I let you talk me into drinking that." "If I'm correct, I believe that [i]you[/i] are the one who originally dared me." "Oh yeah, I want your sexy body." She said, rolling her eyes and grinning. Then she sighed sleepily and leaned back on me. I put my arms around her and smiled. "I have a question." "Anything your heart desires." "Can I call you..."
"Michael?" I brought my head up from the table where it had been resting. "Of course you can." I saw her face scrunch up. "What?" I looked around. I wasn't in Vegas, didn't have my arms around her. "Sorry, I must have been...Nevermind." I mumbled. She was leaning against the chain link fence, and her face unreadable. I could sense hesitancy, anger, annoyance, and for a fleeting second something that looked like...desire. But I could have been wrong. "You called?" She was pissed off, and I wondered what I had done wrong...something about what I had said before upset her. Her parents or whatever...which was strange. My words were meant to be comforting, not damaging. "Yeah, I just...well, you kind of..." Why did I call her? Because I was concerned about her. Damn me and my emotional attachment. "You what?" Her eyes sparkled dangerously and I saw a fire lighting within them that terrified me. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I mean, you left kind of suddenly, and i wanted to make sure I hadn't done anything to offend you..." "Offend me? Trust me, Michael, you've done nothing to offend me." Michael? "Then...just...why did you run out like that? You worried me..." Her dark eyes flashed. "I worried you by running out...Jesus, Michael, what are we, married? Look, you are a skilled agent. You report counter missions to the CIA's mole inside Sd-6. I am nothing more than an asset to the CIA, or to you, do you understand that? There is nothing else there." I took a step back. Her eyes were pounding into my brain, staring through me. "Sydney, you know that-" "NO, Michael, there is no hockey game, there is no Vegas, there is no us, ok? Why can't you understand that? The rules of protocol are written down in black and white!" "Sometimes you have to read between the lines, Sydney..." I muttered softly. She shut her mouth quickly and her face changed instantly from anger to an un-readable but much softer expression. "I live between the lines, Michael. There is nothing there for us." The distance on her face killed me and I took a step towards her. "Maybe you just have to look harder." Her eyes flashed dangerously as I moved towards her and her previous calmness was all but gone. "Damnit, Michael, don't you understand me? There is nothing here! We'll only end up screwing each other over and messing up something that was never intended to be messed with in the first place." I was at a loss for words. "Sydney...is there...was...did I do something?" She glared at me. "Don't credit yourself with having an effect on my mood. But, yes, Michael Vaughn, you did do something. You did a lot." She shook her head and stared into an unknown corner of the warehouse, her face softening and then returning to it's previous glare in under a second. "What did I...Sydney, why won't you tell me what's wrong?" She paused and bit her lip. A ray of light passed her face and I could see she had been crying. "Syd, are you ok?" "Damnit, Vaughn, when am I ever ok? Have you ever looked at yourself, reall tkaen a step back and seen who you really are? What you see is a well- off man with a good job and a good life. Do you want to know what I see, Michael? I see a little girl who is one step from total chaos, one step from falling of the edge. I see someone who has seen more death, more destruction, more hate merely at a day at the office then anyone deserves to see in a lifetime, someone who has no one but themselves to rely on, and even that source is so shaken up that she is living her life off-balance. Do you understand that? My life is merely waiting for the one thing that will tip me off balance and send me over the edge." She turned her back to me and stared into the distance. Then she turned back around and I could see the glimmer of tears on her cheeks. Despite these, her voice was low and bitter. "Do you want to know where you come in, Michael? Do you remember that day I walked into your office with that mid life crisis looking hair and smudged make up? That was the closest I've been to falling, to motion myself into sleep and never waking up. I was teetering on the edge to begin with, and when that one support that Danny had been suddenly collapsed, I was this close to falling. But then I walked into your office and ever since then the support that Danny had been was replaced by another, sturdier support which has remained there for so long that if it fell again, there would be no question as to whether I would be still standing. But then, then something happened, and that support is gone. Don't you understand? What you did...what we did...it's over now. I can't keep going on like this. So... it's over." She began walking towards the exit, tears streaming down her face. "Syd. Sydney! What did I...did we...what happened? Sydney, please don't do this..." I ran to catch up with her and caught her arm. She stood for a second and looked down at my hand, and I could see desire written all over her face before she shook her head and swallowed back her tears. "I've been there, Michael. Don't make me go back." With that she looked into my eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, and left the warehouse.
I sat in the warehouse for almost an hour before I really got pissed at her. She had no right to leave me like that- just to walk out with a thousand questions left unanswered, to throw in my face something I don't even know about. She had no right to make me feel guilty for something I didn't do. I ran out to my car and headed in the direction I figured she had left- towards Will's house- while taking out my cell phone. I wasn't allowed to have her number on the speed dial, but I had it memorized since I learned it, so that wasn't a problem. It rang three times before someone picked it up. I could see her hesitating before answering. But I figured she was searching blindly and picked it up before looking at the caller- I didn't expect her to actually answer. When she did, her voice was low and dismal. "Yeah?" Maybe she did know it was me. "Francie?" Maybe not. "Sydney." I heard her breathing on the other end of the phone line. "Sydney!" She remained silent. "Damnit, Sydney, you have no right to do this! I can't fucking read minds! I don't know what the hell you're talking about, about you, about me, about us, about whatever we did...what did we do? You can't even give me the gracing decency to tell me what the hell this is all about! And then you come expecting me to comfort you and save the day! God damnit, Sydney, don't you think you've put me through enough pain already?" "I love you." She said softly, then hung up.