Been a while...I started this fic a long time ago and just randomly decided to finish it tonight. I hope you all like it.
Disclaimer: I tire of writing these. I think I'm going to have a stamp made that says "I do not own ______" and just fill in the blank every time. Guess that wont work in cases like this though, when the series nor the song belongs to me...I can always draw another line ^^
Running Away
By: Rei_Firestar
Rei and Usagi stood facing one another at the foot of the steps that lead up to the Hikawa Shrine. They both looked a bit emotional, but neither really wanted to show it.
"Rei, I just-"
"Don't, Usagi."
It was no secret that Rei had been in love with Usagi for a while now, and it was killing her to know that she could never be with her. Usagi knew how much her friend was hurting and she hated it. Usagi was torn between her best friend's happiness and the love of her life (not to mention the benefit of staying straight). After Mamoru left for America, Usagi decided she was going to try and love Rei, but no body ever really wants to be LEARNED to be loved.
"Rei, I WANT to love you, I really do. I just can't," she said with her head bowed. "I know I've been leading you on a lot recently, but I really wanted to try. Rei, please understand. I love Mamoru. I hate to see you hurt, but I love him. I'm so sorry, Rei."
Rei looked her friend over and sighed inwardly. Sometimes Rei knew Usagi better than Usagi knew herself. Rei knew that Usagi had tried to love her with everything but her heart. No, her heart belonged to Mamoru, and as much as Usagi told herself that she was trying to relinquish it to Rei, she never really gave Rei a chance. Rei placed a gentle hand on Usagi's shoulder, causing the blonde to look up at her.
"Usagi, I don't want you giving up your sexuality for me, especially if you don't mean it. I know you love Mamoru, I just wish..." Rei trailed off, shaking her head.
"Rei, I'm so sorry.."
"Don't feel bad. It's not your fault."
She sighed a little out loud then looked at friend a bit sadly.
"Just tell me the truth about something. Those times when we kissed," she hesitated, trying to keep a calmness in her voice, "you thought about him, didn't you?"
Usagi nodded and Rei's heart shattered.
"Then you didn't really love me after all," she forced.
*~*I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
And tell me that everything's all right
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you*~*
Usagi couldn't take it anymore. With a quick, "I gotta go," she spun on her heel and took off down the street in a flat-out run. Rei looked after her sadly.
"Usagi," she called out just loudly enough for herself to hear, "you don't have to run away from me.."
*~*So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei's heart was broken again - by the same person as always. It wasn't really Usagi's fault, but it hurt as bad as ever. It was about midnight when something rapping at her window drove Rei from her bed. She grumbled a few choice words before she got up and padded to the window. She looked out only to discover a sobbing Usagi. Rei motioned to the front door and Usagi disappeared. Rei was opening the door when Usagi came rushing up. She had a piece of paper in her hand.
"Usagi, what is it?" asked in a hushed tone so she wouldn't wake anyone up.
"Rei.." Usagi trailed off with a sob and fell forward. Rei instantly wrapped her arms around the girl and held her on her feet. She eased the door closed with her foot, not letting go of Usagi.
"Shh, it's okay. Come on, let's go back to my room." Usagi nodded and Rei led her back, one arm encircled around the blonde's waist. Once in her room, Rei and Usagi sat down on the bed. Rei's arm was still around her waist.
"Now, what happened?"
Usagi handed Rei the piece of paper, still crying. Rei took it with her free hand and skimmed over it.
Usako,
I've been thinking a lot about our relationship lately and I think we should go on a small break. This doesn't mean we're over, but I think we should both just lean back and relax a little. I want you to think of yourself as single, Usako. Go out with some guys. You're a teenager, you shouldn't be tied down yet. I still love you, Usako, but I think this is best.
Love eternal,
Mamoru.
Rei looked back at her friend. "Oh Usagi.."
Usagi sobbed so hard her entire body quaked. Rei's grip around the girl tightened and she murmured softly in her ear kind words and condolences. She would place gentle kisses on the blonde's cheek, temple, and hair as she took the girl's hand and rubbed it with her thumb.
"I don't wanna live without him, Rei," she whispered through her tears. Rei shushed her quietly.
"You won't have to, sweetheart. He just said he wants to take a break. He's doing this for you."
"I don't want him to though!"
"Shh, I know, I know," she said, smoothing the blonde's hair. "Don't worry, Usagi. He'll come back. He loves you."
Usagi nodded slightly and drew a shuddering breath. "I just got that letter and I already feel so lonely.."
"You're never alone, Usagi. You have friends and family, and they all love you. I love you. We'll never let you feel alone."
Usagi smiled through her tears. "Thank you, Rei." Rei smiled, kissed blonde's temple, and held her for just a little longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A month after Usagi came to Rei's room crying, things started heading downhill for the miko. As her love for Usagi grew stronger, some other emotions grew too. Jealousy, anger, and maybe just a bit of hopelessness set in on her and she hated it. She had to find someone to talk about her problems to, but finding someone impartial would be hard.
"Hey Motoki?" Rei called to the blonde behind the counter. "Can I have another drink?"
Motoki looked at her oddly for just a split second, then smiled and nodded. As he approached with a full glass, Rei slapped her money down on the counter next to the already four empty glasses. He pocketed the money as he handed her the glass, which she instantly began to sip from. He leaned onto the counter toward the girl.
"Your bladder's going to be screaming obscenities at you later on," he said with a grin. Rei probably would've laughed had she been in a better mood. Motoki knew that and didn't let this go unnoticed. "Something the matter, Rei?"
She sighed and gave him the once over. "You seem pretty impartial. All right." She took another sip of her drink before she began. "I'm in love with Usagi."
"You mean Odango?"
Rei nodded. "I've been in love with her for a long time now, and it's starting to get worse."
"But Usagi's dating Mamoru."
Rei glared. "Thank you for pointing that out, Motoki." He winced, and she lowered her head. "Sorry," she muttered.
"Nah, that's okay," he said, placing a hand behind his head. "That was stupid of me. Anyway, continue."
Rei nodded a bit. "My feelings for her have been growing with time and with those feelings, other emotions are starting to take over."
"Other emotions?"
"Jealousy, for one. I'm jealous of Mamoru. Anger's another problem, but I really don't know who I'm mad at. Sometimes I say Mamoru because he stole Usagi away. Sometimes I say Usagi because she won't give me a chance. Sometimes I myself for ever falling in love with her."
"You can't choose who you fall in love with, Rei. It doesn't work like that."
"I know that. That doesn't stop me from feeling the way that I do, though."
"I see. Do you feel anything else?"
Rei looked like she was trying to come up for a word for what she felt, then sighed and said, "Frustration."
"Because you can't have Usagi?"
"Not just that, but...it's crazy, nevermind."
"No, tell me," he coaxed.
She seemed to debate over it, then sighed and complied. "Well you see, Mamoru's a good guy. Everyone knows that. It's like he's...I don't know, perfect, I guess. He's got everything...I just don't measure up," Rei finished, turning up the rest of her drink then slamming it back onto the counter. "Can I have another, please?"
Motoki nodded and filled another glass while Rei reached into her pocket. He set it down in front of her and said, "It's on the house. Care to continue?"
Rei shrugged but flashed a brief smile of thanks before taking a sip of her drink. "Well, that's about all really. I'm frustrated that I'm not good enough, and that I don't know how to be good enough. Then again, I don't think anyone's really good enough for her. She's just so wonderful, you know?" She looked up at Motoki and he saw her eyes glazed over with love and admiration. "She's so beautiful, and loving..." The look vanished and was replaced with a bitterness that reminded Motoki of a snake. "And that bastard, Mamoru, probably doesn't even realize how good he has it." She ended with a large gulp from her drink and stared at the countertop.
Motoki absently scratched his neck beneath his jaw. "Hmm...I can see why you're so upset. Still, I don't know why you would think you're not good enough. You're a great person, Rei. As far as Mamoru goes, I'm sure he knows exactly what he has. Do you really think he'd ever mistreat Usagi?"
Rei sighed heavily and sipped at her drink again. "No..."
Motoki hesitated for a moment before asking his next question. "So, how does Usagi feel about all of this?"
Rei rubbed her forehead tiredly and let out another sigh. "I don't know..." She looked up again and this time the barkeep found her eyes misty from withheld tears. "Sometimes she acts like she might like me too, sometimes she acts like it doesn't affect her at all, and sometimes she just...runs away from me. I just wish she'd come out and say what she wants me to do."
*~*Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?*~*
Motoki looked down at her sadly. "Usagi can't help how she feels, Rei, you know that. It's not your fault. It's not hers either."
"I know that, I just...," Rei sighed, "I just don't have to like it. And I can't help but think it's my own fault. I know I can't change her mind, Motoki, and that there's nothing I can do that'll make her love me any more or less than she does now. Yes, it hurts knowing that I can't renounce my feelings for her without lying to myself, and knowing that if I pursue her I'll always come up empty-handed..."
She smiled softly.
"But it's worth it."
*~*Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind*~*
Rei stood up. "Thanks for listening, Motoki. It's nice to have gotten that off my chest."
He nodded. "Anytime."
She waved and headed outside. Lost in thought, she began her trek home. However, her lack of concentration caused her to collide straight into someone.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, looking up.
Royal blue eyes met her violet ones.
"Hi Rei."
"Oh, hi Usagi."
There was an uneasy silence between them.
"I got a letter from Mamoru today."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, he said he's going to come home for a visit in a few months."
Rei nodded a little. Usagi sighed.
"Rei, please, don't be angry with me."
"I'm not."
Usagi's eyes started to water. "Please, Rei, I'm so sorry."
"It's all right. You love him," she said with a tinge of venom.
"I have obligations," Usagi said, nonchalantly wiping at her eye, "but yes, I do."
Rei stopped and looked deep into her best friend's eyes. She could tell there was something a little off, but she couldn't quite figure out what. She could see that Usagi was hurt, but she could also see a little hint of...fear.
Then it clicked.
'She's afraid of loving me.'
"I have to go, Rei. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Usagi, wait-"
But she was gone. Rei sighed a little, then smiled faintly to herself.
"I love you, Usagi.." she whispered. Then she turned and walked away.
*~*So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I have to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?*~*
~*The End*~
And, at length, this baby's put to bed. This is actually the first Rei/Usagi fic I ever finished, and I started it a looong time ago ^^° Oh well, at least it's done. Ja ne and God Bless!
Disclaimer: I tire of writing these. I think I'm going to have a stamp made that says "I do not own ______" and just fill in the blank every time. Guess that wont work in cases like this though, when the series nor the song belongs to me...I can always draw another line ^^
Running Away
By: Rei_Firestar
Rei and Usagi stood facing one another at the foot of the steps that lead up to the Hikawa Shrine. They both looked a bit emotional, but neither really wanted to show it.
"Rei, I just-"
"Don't, Usagi."
It was no secret that Rei had been in love with Usagi for a while now, and it was killing her to know that she could never be with her. Usagi knew how much her friend was hurting and she hated it. Usagi was torn between her best friend's happiness and the love of her life (not to mention the benefit of staying straight). After Mamoru left for America, Usagi decided she was going to try and love Rei, but no body ever really wants to be LEARNED to be loved.
"Rei, I WANT to love you, I really do. I just can't," she said with her head bowed. "I know I've been leading you on a lot recently, but I really wanted to try. Rei, please understand. I love Mamoru. I hate to see you hurt, but I love him. I'm so sorry, Rei."
Rei looked her friend over and sighed inwardly. Sometimes Rei knew Usagi better than Usagi knew herself. Rei knew that Usagi had tried to love her with everything but her heart. No, her heart belonged to Mamoru, and as much as Usagi told herself that she was trying to relinquish it to Rei, she never really gave Rei a chance. Rei placed a gentle hand on Usagi's shoulder, causing the blonde to look up at her.
"Usagi, I don't want you giving up your sexuality for me, especially if you don't mean it. I know you love Mamoru, I just wish..." Rei trailed off, shaking her head.
"Rei, I'm so sorry.."
"Don't feel bad. It's not your fault."
She sighed a little out loud then looked at friend a bit sadly.
"Just tell me the truth about something. Those times when we kissed," she hesitated, trying to keep a calmness in her voice, "you thought about him, didn't you?"
Usagi nodded and Rei's heart shattered.
"Then you didn't really love me after all," she forced.
*~*I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
And tell me that everything's all right
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you*~*
Usagi couldn't take it anymore. With a quick, "I gotta go," she spun on her heel and took off down the street in a flat-out run. Rei looked after her sadly.
"Usagi," she called out just loudly enough for herself to hear, "you don't have to run away from me.."
*~*So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?*~*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei's heart was broken again - by the same person as always. It wasn't really Usagi's fault, but it hurt as bad as ever. It was about midnight when something rapping at her window drove Rei from her bed. She grumbled a few choice words before she got up and padded to the window. She looked out only to discover a sobbing Usagi. Rei motioned to the front door and Usagi disappeared. Rei was opening the door when Usagi came rushing up. She had a piece of paper in her hand.
"Usagi, what is it?" asked in a hushed tone so she wouldn't wake anyone up.
"Rei.." Usagi trailed off with a sob and fell forward. Rei instantly wrapped her arms around the girl and held her on her feet. She eased the door closed with her foot, not letting go of Usagi.
"Shh, it's okay. Come on, let's go back to my room." Usagi nodded and Rei led her back, one arm encircled around the blonde's waist. Once in her room, Rei and Usagi sat down on the bed. Rei's arm was still around her waist.
"Now, what happened?"
Usagi handed Rei the piece of paper, still crying. Rei took it with her free hand and skimmed over it.
Usako,
I've been thinking a lot about our relationship lately and I think we should go on a small break. This doesn't mean we're over, but I think we should both just lean back and relax a little. I want you to think of yourself as single, Usako. Go out with some guys. You're a teenager, you shouldn't be tied down yet. I still love you, Usako, but I think this is best.
Love eternal,
Mamoru.
Rei looked back at her friend. "Oh Usagi.."
Usagi sobbed so hard her entire body quaked. Rei's grip around the girl tightened and she murmured softly in her ear kind words and condolences. She would place gentle kisses on the blonde's cheek, temple, and hair as she took the girl's hand and rubbed it with her thumb.
"I don't wanna live without him, Rei," she whispered through her tears. Rei shushed her quietly.
"You won't have to, sweetheart. He just said he wants to take a break. He's doing this for you."
"I don't want him to though!"
"Shh, I know, I know," she said, smoothing the blonde's hair. "Don't worry, Usagi. He'll come back. He loves you."
Usagi nodded slightly and drew a shuddering breath. "I just got that letter and I already feel so lonely.."
"You're never alone, Usagi. You have friends and family, and they all love you. I love you. We'll never let you feel alone."
Usagi smiled through her tears. "Thank you, Rei." Rei smiled, kissed blonde's temple, and held her for just a little longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A month after Usagi came to Rei's room crying, things started heading downhill for the miko. As her love for Usagi grew stronger, some other emotions grew too. Jealousy, anger, and maybe just a bit of hopelessness set in on her and she hated it. She had to find someone to talk about her problems to, but finding someone impartial would be hard.
"Hey Motoki?" Rei called to the blonde behind the counter. "Can I have another drink?"
Motoki looked at her oddly for just a split second, then smiled and nodded. As he approached with a full glass, Rei slapped her money down on the counter next to the already four empty glasses. He pocketed the money as he handed her the glass, which she instantly began to sip from. He leaned onto the counter toward the girl.
"Your bladder's going to be screaming obscenities at you later on," he said with a grin. Rei probably would've laughed had she been in a better mood. Motoki knew that and didn't let this go unnoticed. "Something the matter, Rei?"
She sighed and gave him the once over. "You seem pretty impartial. All right." She took another sip of her drink before she began. "I'm in love with Usagi."
"You mean Odango?"
Rei nodded. "I've been in love with her for a long time now, and it's starting to get worse."
"But Usagi's dating Mamoru."
Rei glared. "Thank you for pointing that out, Motoki." He winced, and she lowered her head. "Sorry," she muttered.
"Nah, that's okay," he said, placing a hand behind his head. "That was stupid of me. Anyway, continue."
Rei nodded a bit. "My feelings for her have been growing with time and with those feelings, other emotions are starting to take over."
"Other emotions?"
"Jealousy, for one. I'm jealous of Mamoru. Anger's another problem, but I really don't know who I'm mad at. Sometimes I say Mamoru because he stole Usagi away. Sometimes I say Usagi because she won't give me a chance. Sometimes I myself for ever falling in love with her."
"You can't choose who you fall in love with, Rei. It doesn't work like that."
"I know that. That doesn't stop me from feeling the way that I do, though."
"I see. Do you feel anything else?"
Rei looked like she was trying to come up for a word for what she felt, then sighed and said, "Frustration."
"Because you can't have Usagi?"
"Not just that, but...it's crazy, nevermind."
"No, tell me," he coaxed.
She seemed to debate over it, then sighed and complied. "Well you see, Mamoru's a good guy. Everyone knows that. It's like he's...I don't know, perfect, I guess. He's got everything...I just don't measure up," Rei finished, turning up the rest of her drink then slamming it back onto the counter. "Can I have another, please?"
Motoki nodded and filled another glass while Rei reached into her pocket. He set it down in front of her and said, "It's on the house. Care to continue?"
Rei shrugged but flashed a brief smile of thanks before taking a sip of her drink. "Well, that's about all really. I'm frustrated that I'm not good enough, and that I don't know how to be good enough. Then again, I don't think anyone's really good enough for her. She's just so wonderful, you know?" She looked up at Motoki and he saw her eyes glazed over with love and admiration. "She's so beautiful, and loving..." The look vanished and was replaced with a bitterness that reminded Motoki of a snake. "And that bastard, Mamoru, probably doesn't even realize how good he has it." She ended with a large gulp from her drink and stared at the countertop.
Motoki absently scratched his neck beneath his jaw. "Hmm...I can see why you're so upset. Still, I don't know why you would think you're not good enough. You're a great person, Rei. As far as Mamoru goes, I'm sure he knows exactly what he has. Do you really think he'd ever mistreat Usagi?"
Rei sighed heavily and sipped at her drink again. "No..."
Motoki hesitated for a moment before asking his next question. "So, how does Usagi feel about all of this?"
Rei rubbed her forehead tiredly and let out another sigh. "I don't know..." She looked up again and this time the barkeep found her eyes misty from withheld tears. "Sometimes she acts like she might like me too, sometimes she acts like it doesn't affect her at all, and sometimes she just...runs away from me. I just wish she'd come out and say what she wants me to do."
*~*Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?*~*
Motoki looked down at her sadly. "Usagi can't help how she feels, Rei, you know that. It's not your fault. It's not hers either."
"I know that, I just...," Rei sighed, "I just don't have to like it. And I can't help but think it's my own fault. I know I can't change her mind, Motoki, and that there's nothing I can do that'll make her love me any more or less than she does now. Yes, it hurts knowing that I can't renounce my feelings for her without lying to myself, and knowing that if I pursue her I'll always come up empty-handed..."
She smiled softly.
"But it's worth it."
*~*Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind*~*
Rei stood up. "Thanks for listening, Motoki. It's nice to have gotten that off my chest."
He nodded. "Anytime."
She waved and headed outside. Lost in thought, she began her trek home. However, her lack of concentration caused her to collide straight into someone.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, looking up.
Royal blue eyes met her violet ones.
"Hi Rei."
"Oh, hi Usagi."
There was an uneasy silence between them.
"I got a letter from Mamoru today."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, he said he's going to come home for a visit in a few months."
Rei nodded a little. Usagi sighed.
"Rei, please, don't be angry with me."
"I'm not."
Usagi's eyes started to water. "Please, Rei, I'm so sorry."
"It's all right. You love him," she said with a tinge of venom.
"I have obligations," Usagi said, nonchalantly wiping at her eye, "but yes, I do."
Rei stopped and looked deep into her best friend's eyes. She could tell there was something a little off, but she couldn't quite figure out what. She could see that Usagi was hurt, but she could also see a little hint of...fear.
Then it clicked.
'She's afraid of loving me.'
"I have to go, Rei. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Usagi, wait-"
But she was gone. Rei sighed a little, then smiled faintly to herself.
"I love you, Usagi.." she whispered. Then she turned and walked away.
*~*So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I have to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?*~*
~*The End*~
And, at length, this baby's put to bed. This is actually the first Rei/Usagi fic I ever finished, and I started it a looong time ago ^^° Oh well, at least it's done. Ja ne and God Bless!