The Azkaban Tango!
Dumbledore- And now, the six horny murderers of Azkaban Prison, in their rendition of the Azkaban Tango!
Voldemort- Fuck!
Snape- Pop!
Lucius- Smash!
Sirius- No Way!
Draco- Hogsmeade!
Harry- Granger!
Voldemort- Fuck!
Snape- Pop!
Lucius- Smash!
Sirius- No Way!
Draco- Hogsmeade!
Harry- Granger!
Voldemort- Fuck!
Snape- Pop!
Lucius- Smash!
Sirius- No Way!
Draco- Hogsmeade!
Harry- Granger!
All- He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
Draco- I betcha you would have done the same!
Voldemort- Fuck!
Snape- Pop!
Lucius- Smash!
Sirius- No Way!
Draco- Hogsmeade!
Harry- Granger!
Voldemort- You know how people have theses little habits,
That tire you out. Like Peter.
Peter liked to screw.
No, not screw . FUCK.
Well, I came home this one night,
And I am completely exhausted,
After spending the entire day chasing after Potter.
And there's Peter layin' on my bed,
Lookin' for a screw.
No, not screw. Fuck.
So, I said to him, I said.
"Peter, you stick that thing up there one more time…"
And he did.
So I took my wand out of my pocket.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Then went to bed.
All- He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Snape- I met Gilderoy Lockhart during a book signing,
When he first became DADA teacher at Hogwarts,
And he told me he a famous wizard,
And I developed a perverse fascination with him right away.
So, we started working together.
We'd fight at work, we'd eat dinner in the Great Hall.
Then he'd come to my room,
I'd get him drunk and we'd screw around.
He was an angel, when he wasn't showing off.
And the t found out,
"Famous!" he told me.
Famous, my cute ass.
Not only did he steal all his stories…
Oh, no, the only spell he knew was a memory charm.
One of those Squibs, you know.
So that night, when he came over,
I mixed up a swelling solution instead,
And then he just…
Popped!
All-He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Voldemort, Snape, Lucius, Harry- Hah! He had it coming
She had it coming
They took a flower
In its prime
And then they used it
And they abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
Draco, Sirius- Fuck, Pop, Smash, No Way,
Hogsmeade, Granger.
Lucius- Now, I was in Draco's room,
Going through his underwear drawer,
Minding my own business.
When in came my wife Narcissa,
Having a Hissy Fit.
"You've been screwing the Potion's Master!"
She said, she was nuts.
And she kept on yelling
"You've been screwing the Potion's Master!"
And then she fell beneath my staff
She fell beneath my staff seven times.
All- Fuck, Pop,
Smash, No Way,
Hogsmeade, Granger.
Fuck, Pop,
Smash, No Way,
Hogsmeade, Granger.
Fuck, Pop,
Smash, No Way,
Hogsmeade, Granger.
All- If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Sirius- J'ai rencontré le…la…um…oh frig it!
Okay, the Ministry finally managed to capture me,
And there I was.
Waiting to get my soul suctioned out,
When this one lone dementor glided into the room.
As we gazed into each others…uh…eyes,
We fell madly in love.
Her kisses were tender now,
Even though they took my breath away.
As my darling held me in her arms,
There was only one thing wrong.
Her breath was disgusting!
So I took a breath mint out of my pocket
And popped it into her mouth.
Then, horror of horrors,
She began to slowly shrivel and melt!
Lucius- So? Didja do it!
Sirius- No way! I didn't even know it'd kill her.
Draco- My friend Crabbe and I did this magic show,
And my boyfriend Goyle
Used to come along for the ride.
Now, for the biggest number in
Our show, we did forty magic tricks in a row.
One, Two, Three, Four, Five…
Accio's, Wingardium Leviosa's,
Serpensortia's, Incendio's.
One right after the other.
Well, this one evening we were in Hogsmeade,
The three of us, sittin' in our room,
Drinkin' and making fun of our old classmates,
When we ran out of butterbeer.
So I went downstairs to get some.
I came back, opened the door.
And there's Crabbe and Goyle doing number
Thirteen – the Troll Roll!
Well, as you can imagine, I was traumatized.
Everything else is a total blur.
It wasn't until early the next morning,
When I was burying them in the backyard,
I even realized they were dead.
All-He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Draco- They had it coming.
Others- They had it coming.
Draco- They had it coming.
Others- They had it coming.
Draco- They had it coming.
Others- They had it coming.
Draco- They had it coming.
Others- They took a flower.
Draco- All along.
Others- In its prime.
Draco- I didn't do it.
Others- And then they used it.
Draco- But if I'd done it.
Others- And they abused it.
Draco- How could you tell me.
Others- It was a murder.
Draco- That I was wrong?
Others- But not a crime!
Harry- I loved Hermione Granger,
Well as much as I could love a girl
She was a real intelligent gal…
A bit calloused, but good at transfuguration.
Unfortunately, though,
Nutcase Trelawney got to her,
And she decided to prove she had a softer side.
But along the way,
She proved it to Cho,
Ginny,
Lavender, and Pansy!
I guess you can say we broke
Up because of unforeen difficulties
Trelawney saw me dead,
But it was Hermione instead.
All-He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- He had it coming.
Lucius, Sirius, Harry- She had it coming.
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- He had it coming.
Lucius, Sirius, Harry- She had it coming.
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- He had it coming.
Lucius, Sirius, Harry- She had it coming.
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- All along.
Lucius, Sirius, Harry- All along.
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- 'Cause if they used us.
Lucius, Sirius, Harry- 'Cause if they used us.
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- And they abused us.
Lucius, Sirius, Harry- And they abused us.
All- How could you tell us.
Voldemort, Snape, Draco- That we were wrong.
All-He had it coming
She had it coming
They only had themselves to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Voldemort- "You stick that thing up there one more time!"
Snape- "Famous, my cute ass!"
Lucius- "Seven times!"
Sirius- "It was only a breath mint!'
Draco- "Number thirteen – the Troll Roll!"
Harry- "Unforseen difficulties!"
All- I betcha you would have done the same!