LESSONS LEARNED
Written by Ann Rivers ann.rivers@virgin.net
Summary: Following on from Deja View – Nigel returns home… but to which one…?
Spoilers : Still Fountain Of Youth and Headless Nun
Disclaimer: RH and its characters belong to CanWest and Fireworks Productions.
I'm not making any profit from their use here, just settling some things for Syd and Nigel…
He'd been quiet since they'd left the convent. Happy enough to talk, for which Sydney was grateful.
But still pensive nonetheless – which, all things considered, was hardly surprising.
Knowing better than to badger him, Syd left him to his thoughts as she drove on to Devil's Mouth.
For the moment, she was happy just to enjoy Nigel's now thankfully easier company.
Besides, she wryly noted, her TA seemed more interested in raiding hampers than building bridges. Watching him tuck into yet another sandwich, she could only roll her eyes and fondly shake her head. And hope that he'd save at least one for her.
Thankfully, Sister Mary had anticipated the extent of her convalescing patient's returning appetite, since the hamper was still reassuringly heavy as they carried it towards a cluster of shading trees.
Yet much as she was looking forward to the many treats that, miraculously, Nigel had left for them,
Sydney was finding it oddly difficult to relax and enjoy the glorious feast before her.
There was still so much on her mind. So much air to clear. So much to explain, and patch over, and…
"Syd…!"
Startled out of troubled thoughts, Syd turned to face the quizzical eyes of an equally concerned Nigel – the patiently amused smile and question that followed doing much to chase those thoughts away.
"I asked if you wanted some of this relish with your ham… because it's really quite delicious…"
"So I see…" Syd observed dryly, studying the generous splotch of pineapple relish on Nigel's plate. Duly chastised, Nigel then grinned back while gallantly scooping some of the excess onto hers.
"You've been awfully quiet, Syd…" he said at last, growing more serious as he met her eyes.
"Are you alright…?"
Realising she could no longer avoid the inevitable, Syd released a long held breath and shook her head – quickly explaining herself as she saw puzzled concern return to Nigel's face.
"I – I can't believe I let you down this badly, Nigel…" she finally replied, her next words tellingly quiet.
"I just can't stop thinking of leaving you alone like that, when you really needed me, and…"
"Yes, I've been thinking a lot about that too…" Nigel admitted, favouring her with a rather rueful smile.
"I guess that's one advantage of having… you know, a bit of a close call… you get time to think, to…
well, put trivial things back into perspective…"
Perhaps she was just hoping it so, but Sydney thought she could hear forgiveness in those quiet words.
Before she could reply, however, Nigel sighed – thinking for several moments, before adding softly,
"I – I have to admit, Syd, I was spitting mad with you both when you and Preston left me like that…
angrier, and more bitterly resentful towards my brother than I've felt in an awfully long time, and…
to be honest, Syd, that scared me… I'm just not used to letting my feelings get the better of me like that…
I – I mean… well, you've seen how totally different we are in terms of character and personality…
in contrast to bright and breezy Preston, I've always been so… well, you know… boringly British…"
Syd nodded while she thought out her reply – one that, when it finally came, left Nigel clearly surprised.
"Believe me, Nigel, being so boringly British, as you so charmingly put it, is your greatest strength…
in fact, it's that strength in your character, that rational common sense, that I constantly envy…
it's why we make such a good team, Nigel… why I value you so much… not just as my TA, but…
well, as my friend too… because I know that however rough things get, you're always there for me…
you're my anchor, Nigel… my precious anchor of common sense that stops me from being swept away…
and given the choice between you and Preston… well, from now on, it's you… every time…"
Words that she'd needed to say for days. Words of value and gratitude that, she knew, were long overdue.
And, judging from Nigel's expression, those words were just what he'd needed to hear.
"It – It is…? Really…?" he said at last, staring at her in equal measures of delight, shyness and confusion.
Laughing at that familiar, so welcome expression, Syd nodded while sliding an arm around his shoulders.
"Yes, Nigel, really…" she finally replied, growing more serious as she looked directly into his eyes.
"Apart from your knowledge, Nigel… and your courage… I need you on every hunt that we go on…
because when it comes to hunting for relics… God, Nigel, it's like some kind of obsession gets into me…
whatever dangers or risks are involved, whatever else is at stake, I just have to continue the hunt…
from the moment that hunt starts, pretty much everything else in my life takes a back seat…"
So aware of what that obsession had already cost her in the past, Sydney then fell awkwardly silent – leaving Nigel to gently and blamelessly fill in the blanks.
"Including friendships…? The chance to… well, meet someone special and settle down…?"
Recovering her composure, Syd looked up to stare at him in slightly envious, admiring wonder.
"How do you do that…?" she asked at last, smiling her thanks for a welcome glass of lemonade.
"Oh, you mean the psychic, reading of minds thing…?" Nigel replied, his next words equally deadpan.
"Well, Preston always swore blind that it came from being dropped on my head at birth…"
He'd said it so believably seriously that Syd actually nodded, wincing in genuine concern.
It was only when Nigel's twitching mouth gave way to vainly stifled giggles that the penny dropped, causing her to lightly slap his chest as both surrendered to several moments of tension breaking laughter.
Yet even with these welcome signs of forgiveness, Syd still felt honour bound to complete her apology. Sensing her need to do so, Nigel remained silent this time as she quietly admitted her greatest fears.
"I – I really thought I'd lost you, Nigel…" she said at last, not even trying to hide the fear in her voice.
"Not just from this close call you just had… though God knows, that alone scared the hell out of me…
and I could hardly blame you for needing this break away from things, and… well, from me too…
but when you left the airport to come up here, Nigel…. as justifiably angry with me as you were…
well, I honestly thought that was it… I really didn't think I'd ever see you again…"
Psychic gift regardless, a now wide eyed, dead serious Nigel clearly hadn't seen that one coming.
"You – You really thought I'd run out on you…?" he finally asked, staring at her in shaken surprise.
Dreading that she'd just ruined the progress they'd made, Syd tried to fumble out another apology – clearly surprised, not to mention deeply grateful, when a gentle smile assured her she didn't need to.
"Well, I may have been tempted… then…" he admitted, sighing deeply as he shrugged his shoulders. "But… well, like I said before, Syd, an awful lot has happened since then… especially to me…"
"Yes, I can see that…" Syd agreed, smiling too as she noticed the subtle changes in Nigel's expression – a settled, at peace with himself confidence that certainly hadn't been there a few days earlier.
In fact, she'd seen that expression once before, when Nigel had returned from his stay at St Michael's.
Of course, Claudia had shattered his enlightened calmness within minutes of Nigel's return, but…
well, he'd somehow managed to regain that spiritual benevolence… eventually…
Smiling at the memory, Syd turned her attention back to the present – and a quizzically curious TA.
"You seem much more settled now… more at peace with yourself than before…" she explained – feeling that same settled calmness spread through her too as Nigel smiled and nodded agreement.
"Yes, that's why I came back here… I knew it would help me sort myself out…" he said softly,
traces of the old Nigel Bailey returning as he cast Sydney that familiar, shyly uncertain smile.
"Though I'm ashamed to admit, at first I really didn't appreciate your coming here… at that time… well, I really didn't want you to know where I was…"
To his surprise, instead of looking hurt, Syd laughed while making a sheepish admission of her own.
"I have a confession to make too, Nigel… even before Sister Mary phoned me when you fell ill…
well, I knew that you'd come here… because I followed you up here from Boston…"
As she'd expected, though thankfully not with the resentment she'd feared, Nigel stared back at her – his eyes widening, a welcome smile spreading across his face as realisation dawned.
"It was you…!" he said at last, laughing now as he went on to explain to a quizzically amused Sydney. "When I first arrived here, I – I had this oddest feeling…! I knew someone was following me…!"
"I have taught you well, grasshopper…" Syd grinned, dryly quoting one of her childhood TV mentors – finding it impossible not to laugh as her own student in the art of stealth pulled a rueful face back at her.
"Yes, well, grasshopper here clearly didn't cover his tracks very well, or you wouldn't have found me…"
Nigel then paused from his self criticism to cast a still chuckling Sydney a peevishly curious glance.
"So how did you find me…? I – I mean, I even paid for my flight in cash instead of my credit card,
so you couldn't have traced me from that…"
Now it was Syd's turn to look surprised, and impressed, as she realised how far her student had come.
"I really have taught you well…" she said at last – loving the embarrassed grin she received in response. Winking back at him, she then grew a little more serious as she quietly replied to Nigel's question.
"I knew you wanted to be alone, Nigel… and I fully respected your reasons for wanting to be so, but…
justifiably angry with me as you were, I had to be sure you reached wherever you were going safely…
not just for your sake, but… well, for mine as well…"
"So you followed me to the convent…" Nigel concluded, nodding now as he smiled gently back at her.
"Even then… even though I'd tried to push you away, you were still determined to protect me…"
As Sydney nodded, oddly unable to reply, Nigel then grinned – reassuring her as only he could.
"Of course, that's why you're so good at it… you've had an awful lot of practice…"
"Yes, I suppose I have…" Syd mused – recovered enough to tease him in return as only she could.
"And I must admit, Nige… throwing myself protectively on top of you has had its advantages…
at least you've provided me with a nice soft landing…"
Laughing now at his baleful glare, she then shrugged while reaching to proudly squeeze his shoulder.
"Seriously, Nigel, you have come a long way… I know this hasn't been the life you were expecting…
it's certainly a far cry from that quiet little teaching job you were hoping for, and…"
"And I wouldn't change it for the world…" Nigel finished for her, grinning as he shrugged his shoulders.
"I mean, why would I want to…? I get to see real history brought to life, go to all these exotic places…
meet all sorts of fascinating people, get to actually take part in their beliefs and their cultures…"
Pausing for effect, he then sighed while schooling his face into its patented look of plaintive resignation.
"Not to mention offered for human sacrifice… whacked on the head more times than I can remember…
drugged… possessed by ancient spirits… tied up in ways that I never learned in the Boy Scout Brigade…
and how could I forget being chased through countless jungles…? Or kidnapped by renegade agents…?
Oh, and did I mention being offered as a human sacrifice…? A real conversation starter, that one…!"
With Sydney now laughing too much to reply, it was left to Nigel to ruefully conclude his tale of woe.
"Oh no, compared to all that, what would I want with a nice quiet little teaching job…?"
He'd tried to look and sound serious. Unfortunately the look on Sydney's face made that impossible.
And much as he tried to resist, Nigel couldn't stop himself from joining her in fits of hearty laughter.
"You know, Syd, you really do deserve someone better…" he said at last, gravely shaking his head.
Serious words – ones that, just a few minutes previously, would have filled her with despair.
But Sydney had caught the mischievous glint in Nigel's eye – and was more than happy to play along.
"Someone braver…" she agreed, proudly thinking they didn't come much braver than her Nigel.
With enough encouragement, he'd tackle anything… well, almost anything…
"Brave enough that he could finally learn to abseil…" Nigel sighed, glancing towards a nearby cliff.
"Not to mention land the right way up when parachuting…" Syd mused, grinning as she added dryly,
"Or at least someone who could avoid any nearby trees…"
Left with very little in the way of defence, Nigel just glared at her as the self mockery dryly continued.
"Not such a worrywort…" he said at last, pulling another rueful face as he waved a hand above his head.
"And taller… definitely taller…"
Syd just shrugged at that one, hiding her amusement behind a strategically tilted mug of coffee.
What he lacked in height, though, Nigel Bailey more than made up for in terms of his appetite – prompting a wry shake of the head from Sydney as she watched him eagerly refill his plate.
He'd long since grown out of the childhood podginess which had led to that hated family nickname.
In fact, she now mused in proud reflection, he'd grown out of that chubbiness very nicely indeed.
But watching him devour yet another sandwich, suddenly that nickname didn't seem quite so undeserved.
"Someone who's not such a slave to his stomach…" she mused, glancing pointedly towards his plate.
To his credit, Nigel looked suitably contrite – if only for a few seconds before he grinned back at her.
"Aha, that's all part of my cunning plan…" he explained, pointing towards one of the nearby cliffs.
"It's for abseiling, you see… this extra weight on the line… well, it stops me spinning around…"
"Good plan, Nige…" Syd chuckled – loving the glare she received in reply as she added dryly,
"But does it stop you crash-landing on your butt…?"
"Well, no…" Nigel conceded, a sly grin widening across his face as he polished an apple on his shirt.
"But at least if I can get some extra padding on there, it won't hurt quite so much…!"
Rolling her eyes at such albeit twisted logic, Sydney could only laugh at its cunning while Nigel,
having buffed his apple to a cricket ball shine, now settled back to happily put his theory into practice.
By the time they'd finished discussing his other shortcomings, and eaten the rest of their picnic,
the warm afternoon had started to give way to a chillier evening.
As they walked, companionably close, to the car, Nigel paused to glance back at the stunning scenery.
"It's so beautiful here, Syd…" he said at last, smiling wistfully as he pointed along the coastline.
"I guess that's why the first settlers here named it Nova Scotia… I – I mean, the scenery here is…
well, just so similar to the west coast of Scotland… in fact, we often took our holidays there, when…
well, when Preston and I were still little, and our parents were still…"
The quiet words trailed away as Nigel continued to stare out towards the distant, tossing ocean –
lost in memories that were now even more painful to remember.
Smiling his thanks for Syd's comforting squeeze on his arm, Nigel sighed and shrugged his shoulders, falling silent once more as he found great fascination in the state of his boots.
He'd sounded so wistful for his distant homeland that Sydney felt a renewed rush of alarm.
Just when she'd thought the crisis was over… that the threat of losing him had passed…
Before she could say anything, though, to beg him to stay if necessary, Nigel turned to smile at her – the settled calmness in his eyes reassuring her that he wasn't going anywhere. At least, not without her.
"Lovely as it is though, Syd… I'd really like to go home now…"
Words that she'd longed to hear – spent long and anxious hours wondering how she'd reply to.
Always a firm believer that actions spoke louder than words, Syd's reply spoke silent volumes.
Briefly squeezing his shoulders, she then pulled Nigel into a long, tight hug of pure unashamed relief – guessing by the tightness with which he returned it that he was as emotionally relieved as she was.
Those feelings were clearly shared by Sister Mary, who met them on their return to the convent.
And it may have been a trick of the light, of course, but as she followed Nigel and Sister Mary inside,
Sydney could have sworn that Sister Grace cast her a trace of an approving smile.
After a blessedly restful night, Sydney and Nigel set out the next morning for their return home.
Watching them playfully argue over who got to drive, Sister Mary allowed herself a fondly proud smile.
While forbidden from it herself, she recognised love when she saw it. A very special, extraordinary love.
It was, surely, now just a matter of time before Sydney and Nigel recognised that love for themselves…
For the second time that week, Syd found herself watching Nigel sleep through their flight to Boston.
In contrast to that previous flight, however, this time she was more than happy to do so.
Much had changed in that time, she mused, glancing to where Nigel's head rested on her shoulder.
Both of them had learned a valuable lesson, each of them transformed by what they had learned.
And in learning those lessons, the bonds of trust and friendship between them were now even stronger.
In some areas, though… well, things were still very much the same…
Not that Sydney had noticed, but the other passengers in their row were clearly very demanding –
why else would their stewardess, the ever smiling, ever bubbly Mitzi hover so regularly around them…?
Now, spare blanket in hand, she turned her appreciative attention towards the silent occupant of seat 2A – a politely meaningful smile from the occupant of seat 2B sending out an unmistakeable message.
'You can look, sister… and I don't blame you for doing so… but hands off…!'
Having spent thousands on her dentalwork, Mitzi recognised the threat to it – and sensibly fled.
As usual, Nigel remained totally unaware of the admiring, if rather short lived, attention around him – causing Sydney no end of silent amusement as she sighed and shook her head.
"No doubt about it, Nigel…" she chuckled, leaning closer to him to whisper confidentially in his ear.
"You are one bona fide babe magnet…!"
Stirring briefly against her, Nigel frowned slightly before, smiling once more, he settled back to sleep.
That unfailing attraction, it seemed, didn't just include air stewardesses and mothering nuns.
They'd barely made it through the door of their office when Karen, caught completely by surprise,
greeted them both, and Nigel especially, with a wraparound hug that literally took his breath away.
And then, of course, there was the equally enthusiastic reception he received from his student groups – known fondly on campus as the Nigel Bailey Appreciation Society.
On returning from his first class, a couple of days later, Syd was about to ask him how it had gone – hastily stifling her laughter as Nigel, rubbing feverishly at his cheek, strode quickly past her.
Those smears of lipstick, and that adorably stunned expression, pretty much spoke for themselves.
"Here, you've missed a bit…" she said at last, all helpful innocence as she passed him a tissue.
Glaring at her, Nigel muttered in vague gratitude while hiding behind a strategically high pile of books.
Syd was still laughing when, several minutes later, a now smear-free Nigel appeared in her doorway.
"Syd, do you… um… have a minute…? I need to… um… ask you something…"
"Sure, Nigel… what is it…?" Syd asked, all seriousness now as she noticed his thoughtful expression.
"Well, it's… um… well, it's more a term, really… one I've not come across before…" Nigel went on,
deadpan through years and years of practice as he looked at Syd and scratched the back of his head. Choosing his moment, keeping her nicely on tenterhooks, Nigel circled his chair a few times while Syd,
wondering what on earth he was playing at, sat watching him, waiting impatiently for him to continue.
Finally he stopped, a hint of a smile tugging at his mouth as Nigel raised a politely quizzical eyebrow.
"Babe magnet…??!!!???"