When Harry returned to his tower in the middle of the night – well it was technically still night, as there was at least an hour left before breakfast would be served -, he found a number of red heads in the common room, some on the couch, one on the armchair in front of the fire place. He sighed. Trust Ron and his brothers to look after him. Just what he needed, to be looked after. He felt the grin on his face. He had been looked after, rather thoroughly, thank you very much. He couldn't help feeling a bit touched, also. The Weasleys were as close to family as he had ever gotten. Well, apart from Snape, but he could only think that in the dead of the night, and forget it soon afterward. It would be premature to dream of anything beyond mere – satisfying, thrilling, emotional – sex.

His sigh must have woken the lot, sleepy eyes looked at him, four mischievous as soon as they opened, two with barely contained disgust. Well, Ron was such a snob. And a hypocrite. He couldn't remember Ron being that adverse to Snape in the hay. On the contrary, he vividly recalled Ron's envious face when he had come around to Harry and Snape in the stack and his freckled body squirming and wriggling and in no way adverse to the things Snape had been doing to him. It was high time that he and Hermione got going, Harry decided, or Ron would explode out of sexual frustration and envy.

Nobody asked how it had been. He knew he looked the answer – rosy red, with a silly grin, his hair even worse than normal. They couldn't see his arse, and wouldn't of course, which was a good thing. He saw Ron's mouth curl, his drowsy, well-fucked grin must have been too much for his best friend.

"No questions, Harry", Ron said urgently and looked around as if he feared to be overheard by someone. "We're here to warn you. Hermione is up to something. She just couldn't believe that you went to Snape for homework when she was there. She will get you for that, and it won't be fun. You know how she gets." Ron shrugged his shoulders and looked as uncomfortable as he had done in the forbidden forest with all the spiders. Or even more so.

Harry could sympathise but he would have none of it. Not any more. They were 17, for heaven's sake, and the end of term, the end of school was so close, he wouldn't have Hermione ruin it all just because Ron couldn't get her acquainted with the ways of the world.

He turned to his friend with a look in his eyes that Voldemort would have recognized had he lived to tell. "Ron, you are my best friend, but you are an idiot. And a hypocrite". Ron turned beetle-red, but the twins grinned and nodded fervently. "I know you don't like my going to Snape, but once you liked him doing you well-enough, you asked or even screamed for him to do it, I remember." The twins nearly jumped up and down on the couch. It was nice to have this talk after all, with such avid observers.

"I wanted to tell Hermione, I don't want to have any secrets from her, she's my best friend, after you, but as we all know, she has not the slightest inkling of what is really going on between people" The twins nodded, in unison, Ron looked desperate.

"And whose fault is that?" Harry noticed that his voice grew louder, but he couldn't help it. He had watched Ron falling in love with their best friend from second year onwards, and what had he done about it? Nothing, nothing at all. "I don't know why you can't tell her how you feel, perhaps some kind of misconception about the importance of brains, but if you don't tell her, and soon, and you two get going, I'll have to do her myself. I don't know if I could, I love her dearly like a sister, but there must be spells for that, don't you think". The twins nodded fervently. Surely, they must know.

Ron looked outraged, but Harry stopped him from saying anything with just a very tiny spell. He had been thinking about this for years, and now was the time. "Your envy of me, and that's what it is, and not righteous indignation as you would like to have it, is born out of sheer frustration." Furious nodding from the twins, more red colour from their brother. "And Hermione is so stuck up and touchy you can't even talk to her. And that is all your fault." He glowered at Ron who looked completely helpless, the twins slapped their knees in utter malicious glee.

"Talk to her and do her, or I'll do her. I am serious." Of course, he never would, but Ron seemed impressed. And if that was what it took to get him going, and getting his heart's desire and Hermione's too, and he himself freed of all that lecturing about Snape or nosing into his private life, how much better for them all. He was Gryffindor after all, even when he could just see some special Slytherin sniggering with glee about his devious traits.

"Or we do her", declared one of the twins, solemnly, "together, and believe me, that won't be funny." "No", added the other twin, "indeed it would be pure torture". Harry grinned – torture on whom? The twins were about as straight as Sigfried and Roy, but Ron didn't know that either.

Ron looked from his brothers to his friend and back again. Then he gulped audibly and went for the girl's dormitory like a man doomed. But determined to conquer the princess and fight every obstacle on the way. "Hermione", he yelled, "I have to talk to you. Hear me out."

Harry grinned at the twins, who had jumped up from the couch and slapped his back. They gave each other a high five and Harry left for his dorm. The things he had to do as a saviour of the wizard world were really a pain in the arse.

Harry smiled indulgently, took off his clothes, fondled his burning bum, and turned to his bed to have a last dream of Snape, before the new day dawned.

The end

******************

Oh well, the twins are still in school because – well they did too much damage to pass their NEWTS, you know? They had to retake classes – sod congruency, anyhow:-)

And yes, I know the last bit is highly sexist and morally degrading and all that, but it came to me and I love it:-)

And no, I won't write Ron/Hermione, I simply can't:-(