ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Nope. I STILL don't own LOTR.
Btw~ Thank you for the reviews!!! Ya know who you are.
NOTE (AKA WARNING): If you are known to easily throw up or whatnot, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER! Just a warning, because if you DO get sick after reading this, don't stalk me. I'm too poor to pay medical bills. So.this is a note for all you untainted ones out there.
******************************************************** [Fellowship in.Lothlorien. Yeah, I skipped the Moria part. Nothing exciting happened except that the Fellowship had a difficult time because Pippin got stuck in that stupid well and they tried to fight the orcs and get him out at the same time. Aragorn whapped him on the head with the butter knife for that, so Pippin has returned back to normal. Gandalf "died", but no biggie. We don't miss him anyway. All he did was talk and.never mind.]
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Pippin hopped up and down eagerly.
"*groan*" the Fellowship said. It was the 1,203,465th time he said that.
"NO, WE'RE NOT THERE YET!" Aragorn was walking around, looking for Lothlorien.
"Where are we going again?" Boromir asked.
"Lothlorien,"
"O_O AHHH! EVIL SORCERESS!" Gimli said. His first words since the beginning of the whole journey. (yay.bring out the balloons.)
"Silly dwarf," Aragorn said.
"Oooo! Look! Look! I think that's it!" Legolas pointed to a random nearby forest two feet away from them.
"Noooo.I don't think that's it.the travel guide says that the trees are supposed to glisten and shine a golden.jello?" Aragorn blinked at the frayed travel guide.
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??" A loud male voice crackled in the air from the forest that was two feet away from the Fellowship.
"I TOLD you that was it." Legolas said in a superior tone.
"What's with the crackly voice?" Merry asked.
"SOMEONE SAT ON THE MEGAPHONE AND OUR P.A. SYSTEM'S KINDA LIKE 600000000 YEARS OLD, SO IT MAKES MY VOICE SOUND CRACKLY, OK?? IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I TOOK SINGING LESSONS YOU KNOW." the male crackly voice spoke again. A different crackly voice (a female one this time) overtook the previous crackly voice. "HALDIR! ARE YOU PLAYING WITH THE P.A. SYSTEM AGAIN? YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH IT! DO YOU WANT ME TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WHOLE FOREST WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? I WILL IF YOU DON'T TURN IT OFF RIGHT- *click*"
"Well.that was interesting."
"WHOA! Elves.lots of elves." A bunch of elves came pointing arrows at the Fellowship as they entered the forest.
"Hurry it up!! Move it, short legs! We're missing our hair appointments. The Lady wants to see you." The elves shouted, pushing them this way and that through the trees.
"How come the trees aren't shining a golden.jello?" Legolas peered intently at the trees as they were being moved along.
"I don't know.what is jello?"
"Lemme see that travel guide, Aragorn."
"Okay,"
"*readread* Aragorn!!! It says the trees are supposed to shine a golden YELLOW!!! How the hell did you get JELLO out of that???"
"I knew that wasn't it."
"But.why AREN'T the trees shining a golden yellow?"
"Because the Lady decided to cut the electricity bill," a nearby elf move-along-er said dejectedly.
"Ohhh." Finally they reached the dwelling of Lady Galadriel.
"Helllooo.." Lady Gaddy (as we will call her) said in a low, mysterious voice.
"Helllooo." Pippin imitated her.
"Did I say you could talk?? NO!"
"."
"As I was saying.Helllooo.Where is Gandalf?.*thinks*.wait, I don't even want to think about it.come! We shall eat together!!!" Lady Gaddy swept them off to eat.food. After dinner was over, Lady Gaddy led the whole Fellowship to her.DUNDUNDUN!.mirror!
"Sit down, children!!" Lady Gaddy commanded the Fellowship.
"We aren't children." Aragorn said.
"Silence!! When you get to be 10,000 years old, you, too, will think that 45 year olds are quite the children! Youngsters these days.always denying they're children." Lady Gaddy said.
"But I won't live to be 10,000 years old."
"Exactly!"
"I don't get it." Aragorn scratched his head.
"What is THAT?" Lady Gaddy noticed Aragorn's polka dot outfit.
"Erm.yellow..polka dots.?"
"*GASP* Is my granddaughter marrying someone without a FASHION sense?? THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"
"It wasn't my fault."
"Silence! Let us move on." Lady Gaddy walked over the mirror and tilted it so that the inside of the bowl (with the water inside of it) was facing the seated Fellowship like a movie screen. The water somehow didn't fall out.
"Today, you children will learn about LIFE." Lady Gaddy held a bright pink video tape in her hands.
"I hope it isn't a fashion walk video like last time." Aragorn buried his face in his hands.
"You will see things that were, things that are, and things that will come to pass.*stares pointedly at Aragorn*.YOU had better pay attention," Lady Gaddy explained about the bright pink video tape.
"I'm afraid to look." Frodo mumbled, curling into a ball.
"YOU HAVE TO LOOK! IT'S MANDATORY!" Lady Gaddy began turning greenily funny.
"Uh oh.you think she had too much Prilosec?" Aragorn whispered.
"Hell yeah," Legolas whispered back. Lady Gaddy calmed down and happily popped the tape in the side of the birdbath-thing.somehow.
"After this movie, I expect ALL of you to complete the worksheet!" Lady Gaddy pointed to a pile of papers right next to a chair she sat down in. She held out a remote and pressed PLAY.
"If it's about life, I wonder how long it's going to be.I can't hold my pee that long." Sam said, frowning.
"THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!" the narrator on the video tape announced the title excitingly.
"Okaaay." Aragorn responded to the over-enthusiastic narrator.
"SHHH! OR I'LL SEND YOU TO TIME-OUT!" Lady Gaddy shouted at him.
"Sorry." He said meekly.
"FOCUS, CHILDREN, FOCUS!" Lady Gaddy waved her hand to the "movie screen". A happy man on the screen smiled brightly and said,
"Today, children, we shall learn of how you came to be."
The Fellowship: O_O;;;;
"I REALLY don't want to watch already." Aragorn blinked furiously.
"We have currently sent a tube camera through patients John and Jane as they have sex so that we may FOLLOW John's sperm patterns," the narrator continued.
THUMP! Sam fainted.
"Join me in this adventure towards new life!" the narrator faded out.
"Ad.ven.ture.?" Legolas looked about ready to throw up.
"Now we see John's high metabolism increasing even more.the white wriggling sperms are now swimming their way towards the POINT of John's manhood, ready to MAKE the journey from one body to another." the narrator wasn't short of buoyancy.
This went on and on and on and on for some time.*gag*
At the end of the movie when the credits are rolling.(if I were them, I would NOT want my name rolling on the credits.but see, thankfully, I'm NOT one of them.).
".I.knew.she.was.an.evil.sor.cer.ess." Gimli was lying flat the ground, twitching uncontrollably.
"Must.not.think.of.Arwen.after.movie..must.resist.AGH!" Aragorn was clutching his head, his eyes in the oh-my-God-I-am-scarred-for-life mode. Legolas already passed out for quite some time. If you remember, Sam was like this: X_X two minutes into the movie. Frodo tried to run away but ran smack into a tree and is now imbedded in that tree (cartoon-style.heehee!), therefore also like this: X_X.
"Itsy.bitsy.teeny.weeny.yellow.polka.dot..bikini...Boromir..must.not.think.w hat..is.under.neath..must..not.never..bad..image.." Boromir was singing that one funny-sounding oldies song in a monotonous, possessed voice. Merry was in the hospital wing. He threw up. No surprise.
"SO! What did you guys think of the movie?? Wasn't it EDUCATIONAL? I hope you learned something!! ARAGORN." She said, glaring at him pointedly, "If you are to marry MY granddaughter, you are to see this three more times!"
"Nooooo..." Aragorn covered his ears and shut his eyes.
"That was a FANTASTIC movie, Lady Gaddy! But why did you make us watch a movie with a buncha tadpoles in a big pink tube?" Pippin obviously didn't listen to the narrator of the movie (smart move).
Lady Galadriel is seen slapping her forehead.
Repeatedly.
********************************************************
I hope this chapter was funnier! Review! You know you want to.please?
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Nope. I STILL don't own LOTR.
Btw~ Thank you for the reviews!!! Ya know who you are.
NOTE (AKA WARNING): If you are known to easily throw up or whatnot, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER! Just a warning, because if you DO get sick after reading this, don't stalk me. I'm too poor to pay medical bills. So.this is a note for all you untainted ones out there.
******************************************************** [Fellowship in.Lothlorien. Yeah, I skipped the Moria part. Nothing exciting happened except that the Fellowship had a difficult time because Pippin got stuck in that stupid well and they tried to fight the orcs and get him out at the same time. Aragorn whapped him on the head with the butter knife for that, so Pippin has returned back to normal. Gandalf "died", but no biggie. We don't miss him anyway. All he did was talk and.never mind.]
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Pippin hopped up and down eagerly.
"*groan*" the Fellowship said. It was the 1,203,465th time he said that.
"NO, WE'RE NOT THERE YET!" Aragorn was walking around, looking for Lothlorien.
"Where are we going again?" Boromir asked.
"Lothlorien,"
"O_O AHHH! EVIL SORCERESS!" Gimli said. His first words since the beginning of the whole journey. (yay.bring out the balloons.)
"Silly dwarf," Aragorn said.
"Oooo! Look! Look! I think that's it!" Legolas pointed to a random nearby forest two feet away from them.
"Noooo.I don't think that's it.the travel guide says that the trees are supposed to glisten and shine a golden.jello?" Aragorn blinked at the frayed travel guide.
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??" A loud male voice crackled in the air from the forest that was two feet away from the Fellowship.
"I TOLD you that was it." Legolas said in a superior tone.
"What's with the crackly voice?" Merry asked.
"SOMEONE SAT ON THE MEGAPHONE AND OUR P.A. SYSTEM'S KINDA LIKE 600000000 YEARS OLD, SO IT MAKES MY VOICE SOUND CRACKLY, OK?? IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I TOOK SINGING LESSONS YOU KNOW." the male crackly voice spoke again. A different crackly voice (a female one this time) overtook the previous crackly voice. "HALDIR! ARE YOU PLAYING WITH THE P.A. SYSTEM AGAIN? YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH IT! DO YOU WANT ME TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WHOLE FOREST WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? I WILL IF YOU DON'T TURN IT OFF RIGHT- *click*"
"Well.that was interesting."
"WHOA! Elves.lots of elves." A bunch of elves came pointing arrows at the Fellowship as they entered the forest.
"Hurry it up!! Move it, short legs! We're missing our hair appointments. The Lady wants to see you." The elves shouted, pushing them this way and that through the trees.
"How come the trees aren't shining a golden.jello?" Legolas peered intently at the trees as they were being moved along.
"I don't know.what is jello?"
"Lemme see that travel guide, Aragorn."
"Okay,"
"*readread* Aragorn!!! It says the trees are supposed to shine a golden YELLOW!!! How the hell did you get JELLO out of that???"
"I knew that wasn't it."
"But.why AREN'T the trees shining a golden yellow?"
"Because the Lady decided to cut the electricity bill," a nearby elf move-along-er said dejectedly.
"Ohhh." Finally they reached the dwelling of Lady Galadriel.
"Helllooo.." Lady Gaddy (as we will call her) said in a low, mysterious voice.
"Helllooo." Pippin imitated her.
"Did I say you could talk?? NO!"
"."
"As I was saying.Helllooo.Where is Gandalf?.*thinks*.wait, I don't even want to think about it.come! We shall eat together!!!" Lady Gaddy swept them off to eat.food. After dinner was over, Lady Gaddy led the whole Fellowship to her.DUNDUNDUN!.mirror!
"Sit down, children!!" Lady Gaddy commanded the Fellowship.
"We aren't children." Aragorn said.
"Silence!! When you get to be 10,000 years old, you, too, will think that 45 year olds are quite the children! Youngsters these days.always denying they're children." Lady Gaddy said.
"But I won't live to be 10,000 years old."
"Exactly!"
"I don't get it." Aragorn scratched his head.
"What is THAT?" Lady Gaddy noticed Aragorn's polka dot outfit.
"Erm.yellow..polka dots.?"
"*GASP* Is my granddaughter marrying someone without a FASHION sense?? THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"
"It wasn't my fault."
"Silence! Let us move on." Lady Gaddy walked over the mirror and tilted it so that the inside of the bowl (with the water inside of it) was facing the seated Fellowship like a movie screen. The water somehow didn't fall out.
"Today, you children will learn about LIFE." Lady Gaddy held a bright pink video tape in her hands.
"I hope it isn't a fashion walk video like last time." Aragorn buried his face in his hands.
"You will see things that were, things that are, and things that will come to pass.*stares pointedly at Aragorn*.YOU had better pay attention," Lady Gaddy explained about the bright pink video tape.
"I'm afraid to look." Frodo mumbled, curling into a ball.
"YOU HAVE TO LOOK! IT'S MANDATORY!" Lady Gaddy began turning greenily funny.
"Uh oh.you think she had too much Prilosec?" Aragorn whispered.
"Hell yeah," Legolas whispered back. Lady Gaddy calmed down and happily popped the tape in the side of the birdbath-thing.somehow.
"After this movie, I expect ALL of you to complete the worksheet!" Lady Gaddy pointed to a pile of papers right next to a chair she sat down in. She held out a remote and pressed PLAY.
"If it's about life, I wonder how long it's going to be.I can't hold my pee that long." Sam said, frowning.
"THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!" the narrator on the video tape announced the title excitingly.
"Okaaay." Aragorn responded to the over-enthusiastic narrator.
"SHHH! OR I'LL SEND YOU TO TIME-OUT!" Lady Gaddy shouted at him.
"Sorry." He said meekly.
"FOCUS, CHILDREN, FOCUS!" Lady Gaddy waved her hand to the "movie screen". A happy man on the screen smiled brightly and said,
"Today, children, we shall learn of how you came to be."
The Fellowship: O_O;;;;
"I REALLY don't want to watch already." Aragorn blinked furiously.
"We have currently sent a tube camera through patients John and Jane as they have sex so that we may FOLLOW John's sperm patterns," the narrator continued.
THUMP! Sam fainted.
"Join me in this adventure towards new life!" the narrator faded out.
"Ad.ven.ture.?" Legolas looked about ready to throw up.
"Now we see John's high metabolism increasing even more.the white wriggling sperms are now swimming their way towards the POINT of John's manhood, ready to MAKE the journey from one body to another." the narrator wasn't short of buoyancy.
This went on and on and on and on for some time.*gag*
At the end of the movie when the credits are rolling.(if I were them, I would NOT want my name rolling on the credits.but see, thankfully, I'm NOT one of them.).
".I.knew.she.was.an.evil.sor.cer.ess." Gimli was lying flat the ground, twitching uncontrollably.
"Must.not.think.of.Arwen.after.movie..must.resist.AGH!" Aragorn was clutching his head, his eyes in the oh-my-God-I-am-scarred-for-life mode. Legolas already passed out for quite some time. If you remember, Sam was like this: X_X two minutes into the movie. Frodo tried to run away but ran smack into a tree and is now imbedded in that tree (cartoon-style.heehee!), therefore also like this: X_X.
"Itsy.bitsy.teeny.weeny.yellow.polka.dot..bikini...Boromir..must.not.think.w hat..is.under.neath..must..not.never..bad..image.." Boromir was singing that one funny-sounding oldies song in a monotonous, possessed voice. Merry was in the hospital wing. He threw up. No surprise.
"SO! What did you guys think of the movie?? Wasn't it EDUCATIONAL? I hope you learned something!! ARAGORN." She said, glaring at him pointedly, "If you are to marry MY granddaughter, you are to see this three more times!"
"Nooooo..." Aragorn covered his ears and shut his eyes.
"That was a FANTASTIC movie, Lady Gaddy! But why did you make us watch a movie with a buncha tadpoles in a big pink tube?" Pippin obviously didn't listen to the narrator of the movie (smart move).
Lady Galadriel is seen slapping her forehead.
Repeatedly.
********************************************************
I hope this chapter was funnier! Review! You know you want to.please?