ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: I OWN EVERYTHING!!!!!.*voice dwindles away*...not.
Btw~ Due to demands, I WILL continue with TTT and ROTK. However, I will give warnings in big capital letters (in every new chapter) for those who haven't read it yet. Thank you for that reminder, elijahsbaby1981. I STILL THANK ALL OF THE REVIEWERS!!! ^_^ You are all my new best friends!!!!!
Reviewer #12: Wow.is she ever socially-deprived.
Reviewer #36: Oo;; Is she going to hug us again?
Reviewer #59: I hope not.*is backing away slowly from author*
Waiiiiit!!! *voice fades away*
******************************************************** This is the long awaited chapter! Sorry for the delay! Author was busy. Bad author. So, here you go!
[Fellowship at Amon Hen.about to meet something the whole WORLD will be traumatized by.nice, eh?]
"I sense something growing in my mind.I can feel it." Legolas muttered sentimentally by the fire Gimli set up (campfire, mind you), twirling his hair.a lot.
"Well, it's not your brain, that's for sure." Aragorn said. The rest of the Fellowship (except for Legolas.duh) snickered.
"Ha-bloody-ha," Legolas rolled his eyes (Had to put that quote in! I love it. The only time Legolas is British, I promise!). Then, he continued to twirl his hair. "AHA! Got it!" Legolas proudly held up two split-ends (YES, Legolas's hair is capable of having split-ends.). "I KNEW something was growing."
"Split-ends grow?" Pippin asked.
"You know what I mean!" Legolas said with an exasperated sigh, putting his hands on his hips.
"What do you mean?" Pippin was (adorably.aww!) clueless.
"Never mind." Legolas rolled his eyes.again.
~Just before the Fellowship reached Amon Hen~
"AHA! There! Dig beneath the dirt, my orcs, DIG!" Saruman excitedly pointed to a mud lump. (In case you are lost, Saruman and his orcs were digging around Orthanc in those big big big tunnely hole-ish things..oh, I can't explain it! But you know what I mean.right?)
"What do you think we've been DOING in the past week?." Orc number 47 muttered. And so, the orcs.dug. A sudden appearing head of lanky hair from that mud lump made the orcs jump back in anticipation and fear.
"Oh, thank you! It's so musty down here. My HAIR! Oh! Eww! I'll have to fix that." An Uruk-Hai dressed in a bright red, sparkly, sleeveless, just-above-the-knee dress popped up. Accompanying that were red sparkly shoes, a black tilted top hat, and white hand gloves. The Uruk-Hai smoothed down its (I'm really afraid to say 'he' right now) dress and arranged its top hat.
"Well! I don't recognize THIS theater.Where are the others?"
"There are.OTHERS?" Saruman was in shock.
"Of course!" The odd Uruk-Hai tilted its head and looked at Saruman as if he was supposed to know this.
"Oh my!"
"Eww! Dirt!"
"Betty, where's my ring?" signified the presence of other Uruk-Hai's. The orcs looked at the surrounding ring of the Broadway-versions of Uruk- Hai's.
"WHAT is this deformity??? Give me the map!" Saruman snatched it from the nearest orc-locater.person.thing.whatever. "Idiot!! Dolt!! Stupid- head!! The Fighting Uruk-Hai's are over THERE!! You dug up the FLIRTING Uruk-Hai's! My god."
"C'mon everyone! Let's PRACTICE!" the first Uruk-Hai announced. All the other Uruk-Hai's grimaced at muddying their sparkly shoes but did as they were told, taking dainty steps. They all stood in a neat straight line. The orcs stopped working and turned to look at them.
"Ladies and gentlemen! We are theeee-" the Uruk-Hai's each grinned widely and got into their poses, drum rolls coming from nowhere, "- URUKETTES!" Saruman fainted.
"The can-can, everyone!" the leader Uruk-Hai shouted cheerfully. Can- can music suddenly blasted from nowhere (lots of things seem to come from nowhere, eh? ^_^). The orcs plugged their ears and shrieked in dismay.
"DaDa-dadadada-DaDa-dadadada." the Urukettes smiled and kicked their knees and legs up in unison and in time to the beat. It seemed never- ending.
~Back to Amon Hen~
Everyone didn't know it. But they have come to dread it. The bathroom question. Yes, it's the bathroom question.
"Does anyone know where a bathroom is?" Pippin (how did we know?) asked, jumping up and down like a..jumping bean.
"Oh yeah.I have a toilet in my pocket." Aragorn said sarcastically.
"Don't be silly, Aragorn!" Pippin scoffed. Everyone gasped in surprise that Pippin didn't say the expected 'Oh! Can I use it?'. "Those are the teeny toilets for ants! Not for hobbits! Can't you see I need a bigger one?" Everyone's surprise quickly deflated.
"REALLY Pippin. Look AROUND you!" Legolas sighed.
"I don't see anything but trees and the river." Pippin frowned, looking for a familiar white toilet. "You don't mean I should go in the RIVER, do you??"
"NOOO! LOOK OVER THERE!" Pippin looked in the direction Legolas was pointing in, which was the forest.
"I'm not an Elf with Elfy eyes, so can you point to where the toilet is?" Pippin peered into the dark forest.
"TREES, PIPPIN! TREES!"
"I understand your fascination with trees, but I really really need to go right now."
"MY GOD! YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM ON THE TREES! JUST GO! FERTILIZE THEM!" Legolas screamed in agony. Pippin blinked.
"I didn't know elves went to the bathroom on trees."
"WE DON'T! WE HAVE TOILETS!! BUT OCCASIONALLY, ON A JOURNEY, YES! WE GO TO THE BATHROOM ON TREES! JUST GO BEFORE YOU EXPLODE AND DRENCH THE FIRE!" Gimli's eyes widened and he moved to protect his beloved campfire.
"Okay.okay." Pippin looked nervous as he inched towards the nearest tree and began to unbutton his pants.
"FOR THE LOVE OF THE VALAR, PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!" Legolas yelled. The rest of the Fellowship nodded frantically.
"I don't.like.the forest.the trees.might.eat me." Pippin shuddered. Legolas was losing his temper. Before Legolas could explode into nice Legolas-shaped bitsy pieces, Merry stood up.
"Here Pippin.I'll lead you to a nice tree and I'll turn my back while you.go, and I'll make sure no trees eat you." he said with a sigh.
"Thank you, Merry!! I KNEW I could count on you!" Pippin cried gleefully.
"Don't," Merry raised an eyebrow.
"Don't what?"
"Count on me,"
"Why not?"
"Just.don't,"
"Okay." And so, Pippin's bathroom problem was over.
~ STILL just before the Fellowship reached Amon Hen ~
"Errr.da boss wants you to have this.I guess." an orc waddled forward and handed a note to the Urukettes.
"Ooo! Look, everyone! A new theater to perform at!" the leader Uruk- Hai showed the note to everyone, which said 'Amon Hen. Take Hobbits. Valuable thing.'
"Take hobbits? Is that a new song?"
"Ohhh! Isn't Mr. Saruman so nice? He calls our performance a valuable thing! Awww!!"
"Amon Hen? Where's that?" all the Uruk-Hai's exclaimed.
"One question at a time, everyone!" the leader said, "Take hobbits.hmm.I suppose we'll get the dance lines and the sheet music when we get there.yes, Mr. Saruman IS nice.so very nice of him.and Amon Hen is.I don't know.I think my grandma lived there once.I think I know the way. Follow me, everyone! Single file line!" And off the Urukettes went.
~ Back at Amon Hen.again ~
"Is that a sound I hear?" Aragorn tilted his head in the direction of which the Urukettes were coming.
"I hear many and not all of them pleasant." Legolas winced as his Elven sense of hearing picked up the sound of Pippin going to the bathroom a little ways off.
"No.no.a different sound." Aragorn said, musing. "Oh! I knew it! It wasn't different! I KNEW it was a chickadee." Legolas just rolled his eyes. Aragorn had an odd interest in birds and could tell apart a few. Just a few.
"A useful kingly trait, THAT is." thought Legolas.
Meanwhile.
"WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE LOVE TO DANCE AND SING! WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE'D LOVE A DIAMOND RING! WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE- AAACCCCKK!!!" the Urukettes encountered a steep mud pool and fell over each other like dominoes. This mud pool (as you may have guessed..no, you probably haven't.mwahaha.) contained the EVIL PINK VIDEO TAPE!
"My.what is this?" the leader said, after cleaning itself up and picking up the video tape. Another Uruk-Hai opened it.
"Looks like a video tape to me." the leader said.
"Why don't we keep it for a while? The color's really nice too," said another Uruk-Hai.
"Well, why not? Who knows? It could be our dance-moves tape!" the leader exclaimed, tucking it away in a pocket.somewhere. The Urukettes continued on.
"GAH!" Pippin screamed.
"What NOW? Is he even done going to the bathroom yet?" Legolas scowled. Pippin and Merry ran back screaming their heads off.
"What is it? What is it?" Aragorn asked.
"Melwoeo.wlieargkhs..POWKEKIH..WLOIF..alishawlf." they panted, unable to say anything decipherable.
"What? There's a..melon?..it's a liar?.in power?.a wolf?..on a shelf? You're both not making any sense!" Aragorn said, frowning.
"MONSTERS!" Pippin got out of his mouth.
"What? No such thing!" Legolas said.
"SEE! SEE FOR YOURSELVES!" Merry was afraid and trembled as he pointed off in the direction they ran from. Legolas and Aragorn shrugged and was about to head off into that direction when.
"WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE LOVE TO DANCE AND SING! WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE'D LOVE A DIAMOND RING!" came crashing through the bushes.
"AHHHH!!" shrieked the Fellowship. Gimli accidentally sat in his beloved campfire in the turmoil. Instinctively, the Urukettes screamed. High-pitched-ly too.
"AHHHH!!!" See?
"My goodness! You all scared us!" the leader gasped for breath, but then straightened its attire and smiled. "Are you the critics by the way? Who is it for this time? The New York Times? I just LOVE the New York Times by the way.did I mention we are the Urukettes? Broadway's our thing.did I tell you that we still perform the Christmas special in February? Do you want to see later?" All this just went FWOOSH! over the Fellowship's heads.
"Critics?.Who told you we were-" Aragorn said.
"I knew it! You ARE the critics! So, how is our attire? A little muddy, I know, but we have spares and we can change into nicer ones for our performance. When IS our performance, by the way?" the leader said all this very fast-ly. The leader eyed the polka dots that Aragorn donned and clucked its tongue. "I hope YOU aren't the fashion critic." Aragorn just raised an eyebrow.
"Oh! Right! Here's a note on what we are supposed to do.Take Hobbits. Do you have the sheet music prepared for us? And this dance-moves video tape. It'd be REALLY nice of you to pop that in for us." the leader shoved the evil hot pink video tape into Aragorn's hands.
"ARRRRGH!!" Aragorn dropped it and ran. Anywhere. Actually, straight into a tree. And not surprisingly, he was knocked out.
"Well, I see no stage." the leader remarked, completely ignoring the rest of the Fellowship (well, except Pippin) who were turning green at the memory of the evil tape.
"Oh, well.if there's no stage, I suppose we can move on to our next destination: a random green field! C'mon everyone! Ooo! We need stage managers! You two will do!" the leader grabbed Merry and Pippin and before everyone could recover, the Urukettes already flounced off. Unfortunately (yeah, riiight.), Boromir died from too much green-ness on his face. So he was tossed down the waterfall.
The evil pink video tape glowed a dim pink in the light of the setting sun.
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Note: The Urukettes are a spin-off of the Rockettes, of who our school orchestra sees EVERY Christmas for absolutely no reason. Here's a link to a picture of them in case you don't know who they are:
I do hope you all know what the can-can is.
********************************************************
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: I OWN EVERYTHING!!!!!.*voice dwindles away*...not.
Btw~ Due to demands, I WILL continue with TTT and ROTK. However, I will give warnings in big capital letters (in every new chapter) for those who haven't read it yet. Thank you for that reminder, elijahsbaby1981. I STILL THANK ALL OF THE REVIEWERS!!! ^_^ You are all my new best friends!!!!!
Reviewer #12: Wow.is she ever socially-deprived.
Reviewer #36: Oo;; Is she going to hug us again?
Reviewer #59: I hope not.*is backing away slowly from author*
Waiiiiit!!! *voice fades away*
******************************************************** This is the long awaited chapter! Sorry for the delay! Author was busy. Bad author. So, here you go!
[Fellowship at Amon Hen.about to meet something the whole WORLD will be traumatized by.nice, eh?]
"I sense something growing in my mind.I can feel it." Legolas muttered sentimentally by the fire Gimli set up (campfire, mind you), twirling his hair.a lot.
"Well, it's not your brain, that's for sure." Aragorn said. The rest of the Fellowship (except for Legolas.duh) snickered.
"Ha-bloody-ha," Legolas rolled his eyes (Had to put that quote in! I love it. The only time Legolas is British, I promise!). Then, he continued to twirl his hair. "AHA! Got it!" Legolas proudly held up two split-ends (YES, Legolas's hair is capable of having split-ends.). "I KNEW something was growing."
"Split-ends grow?" Pippin asked.
"You know what I mean!" Legolas said with an exasperated sigh, putting his hands on his hips.
"What do you mean?" Pippin was (adorably.aww!) clueless.
"Never mind." Legolas rolled his eyes.again.
~Just before the Fellowship reached Amon Hen~
"AHA! There! Dig beneath the dirt, my orcs, DIG!" Saruman excitedly pointed to a mud lump. (In case you are lost, Saruman and his orcs were digging around Orthanc in those big big big tunnely hole-ish things..oh, I can't explain it! But you know what I mean.right?)
"What do you think we've been DOING in the past week?." Orc number 47 muttered. And so, the orcs.dug. A sudden appearing head of lanky hair from that mud lump made the orcs jump back in anticipation and fear.
"Oh, thank you! It's so musty down here. My HAIR! Oh! Eww! I'll have to fix that." An Uruk-Hai dressed in a bright red, sparkly, sleeveless, just-above-the-knee dress popped up. Accompanying that were red sparkly shoes, a black tilted top hat, and white hand gloves. The Uruk-Hai smoothed down its (I'm really afraid to say 'he' right now) dress and arranged its top hat.
"Well! I don't recognize THIS theater.Where are the others?"
"There are.OTHERS?" Saruman was in shock.
"Of course!" The odd Uruk-Hai tilted its head and looked at Saruman as if he was supposed to know this.
"Oh my!"
"Eww! Dirt!"
"Betty, where's my ring?" signified the presence of other Uruk-Hai's. The orcs looked at the surrounding ring of the Broadway-versions of Uruk- Hai's.
"WHAT is this deformity??? Give me the map!" Saruman snatched it from the nearest orc-locater.person.thing.whatever. "Idiot!! Dolt!! Stupid- head!! The Fighting Uruk-Hai's are over THERE!! You dug up the FLIRTING Uruk-Hai's! My god."
"C'mon everyone! Let's PRACTICE!" the first Uruk-Hai announced. All the other Uruk-Hai's grimaced at muddying their sparkly shoes but did as they were told, taking dainty steps. They all stood in a neat straight line. The orcs stopped working and turned to look at them.
"Ladies and gentlemen! We are theeee-" the Uruk-Hai's each grinned widely and got into their poses, drum rolls coming from nowhere, "- URUKETTES!" Saruman fainted.
"The can-can, everyone!" the leader Uruk-Hai shouted cheerfully. Can- can music suddenly blasted from nowhere (lots of things seem to come from nowhere, eh? ^_^). The orcs plugged their ears and shrieked in dismay.
"DaDa-dadadada-DaDa-dadadada." the Urukettes smiled and kicked their knees and legs up in unison and in time to the beat. It seemed never- ending.
~Back to Amon Hen~
Everyone didn't know it. But they have come to dread it. The bathroom question. Yes, it's the bathroom question.
"Does anyone know where a bathroom is?" Pippin (how did we know?) asked, jumping up and down like a..jumping bean.
"Oh yeah.I have a toilet in my pocket." Aragorn said sarcastically.
"Don't be silly, Aragorn!" Pippin scoffed. Everyone gasped in surprise that Pippin didn't say the expected 'Oh! Can I use it?'. "Those are the teeny toilets for ants! Not for hobbits! Can't you see I need a bigger one?" Everyone's surprise quickly deflated.
"REALLY Pippin. Look AROUND you!" Legolas sighed.
"I don't see anything but trees and the river." Pippin frowned, looking for a familiar white toilet. "You don't mean I should go in the RIVER, do you??"
"NOOO! LOOK OVER THERE!" Pippin looked in the direction Legolas was pointing in, which was the forest.
"I'm not an Elf with Elfy eyes, so can you point to where the toilet is?" Pippin peered into the dark forest.
"TREES, PIPPIN! TREES!"
"I understand your fascination with trees, but I really really need to go right now."
"MY GOD! YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM ON THE TREES! JUST GO! FERTILIZE THEM!" Legolas screamed in agony. Pippin blinked.
"I didn't know elves went to the bathroom on trees."
"WE DON'T! WE HAVE TOILETS!! BUT OCCASIONALLY, ON A JOURNEY, YES! WE GO TO THE BATHROOM ON TREES! JUST GO BEFORE YOU EXPLODE AND DRENCH THE FIRE!" Gimli's eyes widened and he moved to protect his beloved campfire.
"Okay.okay." Pippin looked nervous as he inched towards the nearest tree and began to unbutton his pants.
"FOR THE LOVE OF THE VALAR, PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!" Legolas yelled. The rest of the Fellowship nodded frantically.
"I don't.like.the forest.the trees.might.eat me." Pippin shuddered. Legolas was losing his temper. Before Legolas could explode into nice Legolas-shaped bitsy pieces, Merry stood up.
"Here Pippin.I'll lead you to a nice tree and I'll turn my back while you.go, and I'll make sure no trees eat you." he said with a sigh.
"Thank you, Merry!! I KNEW I could count on you!" Pippin cried gleefully.
"Don't," Merry raised an eyebrow.
"Don't what?"
"Count on me,"
"Why not?"
"Just.don't,"
"Okay." And so, Pippin's bathroom problem was over.
~ STILL just before the Fellowship reached Amon Hen ~
"Errr.da boss wants you to have this.I guess." an orc waddled forward and handed a note to the Urukettes.
"Ooo! Look, everyone! A new theater to perform at!" the leader Uruk- Hai showed the note to everyone, which said 'Amon Hen. Take Hobbits. Valuable thing.'
"Take hobbits? Is that a new song?"
"Ohhh! Isn't Mr. Saruman so nice? He calls our performance a valuable thing! Awww!!"
"Amon Hen? Where's that?" all the Uruk-Hai's exclaimed.
"One question at a time, everyone!" the leader said, "Take hobbits.hmm.I suppose we'll get the dance lines and the sheet music when we get there.yes, Mr. Saruman IS nice.so very nice of him.and Amon Hen is.I don't know.I think my grandma lived there once.I think I know the way. Follow me, everyone! Single file line!" And off the Urukettes went.
~ Back at Amon Hen.again ~
"Is that a sound I hear?" Aragorn tilted his head in the direction of which the Urukettes were coming.
"I hear many and not all of them pleasant." Legolas winced as his Elven sense of hearing picked up the sound of Pippin going to the bathroom a little ways off.
"No.no.a different sound." Aragorn said, musing. "Oh! I knew it! It wasn't different! I KNEW it was a chickadee." Legolas just rolled his eyes. Aragorn had an odd interest in birds and could tell apart a few. Just a few.
"A useful kingly trait, THAT is." thought Legolas.
Meanwhile.
"WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE LOVE TO DANCE AND SING! WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE'D LOVE A DIAMOND RING! WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE- AAACCCCKK!!!" the Urukettes encountered a steep mud pool and fell over each other like dominoes. This mud pool (as you may have guessed..no, you probably haven't.mwahaha.) contained the EVIL PINK VIDEO TAPE!
"My.what is this?" the leader said, after cleaning itself up and picking up the video tape. Another Uruk-Hai opened it.
"Looks like a video tape to me." the leader said.
"Why don't we keep it for a while? The color's really nice too," said another Uruk-Hai.
"Well, why not? Who knows? It could be our dance-moves tape!" the leader exclaimed, tucking it away in a pocket.somewhere. The Urukettes continued on.
"GAH!" Pippin screamed.
"What NOW? Is he even done going to the bathroom yet?" Legolas scowled. Pippin and Merry ran back screaming their heads off.
"What is it? What is it?" Aragorn asked.
"Melwoeo.wlieargkhs..POWKEKIH..WLOIF..alishawlf." they panted, unable to say anything decipherable.
"What? There's a..melon?..it's a liar?.in power?.a wolf?..on a shelf? You're both not making any sense!" Aragorn said, frowning.
"MONSTERS!" Pippin got out of his mouth.
"What? No such thing!" Legolas said.
"SEE! SEE FOR YOURSELVES!" Merry was afraid and trembled as he pointed off in the direction they ran from. Legolas and Aragorn shrugged and was about to head off into that direction when.
"WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE LOVE TO DANCE AND SING! WE ARE THE URUKETTES! YES, WE ARE! WE'D LOVE A DIAMOND RING!" came crashing through the bushes.
"AHHHH!!" shrieked the Fellowship. Gimli accidentally sat in his beloved campfire in the turmoil. Instinctively, the Urukettes screamed. High-pitched-ly too.
"AHHHH!!!" See?
"My goodness! You all scared us!" the leader gasped for breath, but then straightened its attire and smiled. "Are you the critics by the way? Who is it for this time? The New York Times? I just LOVE the New York Times by the way.did I mention we are the Urukettes? Broadway's our thing.did I tell you that we still perform the Christmas special in February? Do you want to see later?" All this just went FWOOSH! over the Fellowship's heads.
"Critics?.Who told you we were-" Aragorn said.
"I knew it! You ARE the critics! So, how is our attire? A little muddy, I know, but we have spares and we can change into nicer ones for our performance. When IS our performance, by the way?" the leader said all this very fast-ly. The leader eyed the polka dots that Aragorn donned and clucked its tongue. "I hope YOU aren't the fashion critic." Aragorn just raised an eyebrow.
"Oh! Right! Here's a note on what we are supposed to do.Take Hobbits. Do you have the sheet music prepared for us? And this dance-moves video tape. It'd be REALLY nice of you to pop that in for us." the leader shoved the evil hot pink video tape into Aragorn's hands.
"ARRRRGH!!" Aragorn dropped it and ran. Anywhere. Actually, straight into a tree. And not surprisingly, he was knocked out.
"Well, I see no stage." the leader remarked, completely ignoring the rest of the Fellowship (well, except Pippin) who were turning green at the memory of the evil tape.
"Oh, well.if there's no stage, I suppose we can move on to our next destination: a random green field! C'mon everyone! Ooo! We need stage managers! You two will do!" the leader grabbed Merry and Pippin and before everyone could recover, the Urukettes already flounced off. Unfortunately (yeah, riiight.), Boromir died from too much green-ness on his face. So he was tossed down the waterfall.
The evil pink video tape glowed a dim pink in the light of the setting sun.
********************************************************
Note: The Urukettes are a spin-off of the Rockettes, of who our school orchestra sees EVERY Christmas for absolutely no reason. Here's a link to a picture of them in case you don't know who they are:
I do hope you all know what the can-can is.
********************************************************