ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Nope. Own nothing. Well.I might have 50 cents.
Btw~ So many reviews.I love you all!!! *sniff*
Reviewer #something: I thought we weren't going to review again. Reviewer #something2: We weren't. Reviewer #something: So why are we here? Reviewer #something2: Because the author is in dire need of Kleenex.
Btw some more~ I know the evil pink video tape didn't show up last chapter, but hey! Evil things bide their time..heeheehee..mwahahahaaaaa..
I promised to give a warning. Here it is. And you had better read it cuz I reeaaaally don't want to be blamed for giving out TTT spoilers. Unless, of course, you already read the book. Well, then, if you have, keep going and skip the warning!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!
Ok. Now you know that this is a warning. TTT SPOILER WARNING!!!
For those who are deprived, spoilers mean HINTS. BIGGER THAN HINTS. Spoilers tell you everything you want to know except that you DIDN'T want to know at that exact moment.
Did that confuse you?
******************************************************** [They're on their way to see THE KING OF THE HALLMARK!]
"The who?" Legolas asked.
"The King of the Hallmark!" Gandalf proclaimed.
".And who is he?" Legolas asked again.
"Otherwise known as the King of Rohan, but he's better known as the King of the Hallmark,"
"Why are we going to visit him? I still haven't got my Advil back yet, you know!" Legolas put his hands on his hips.
"I know! I know! But see, the Dark Lord, Marilyn Manson.err, I mean, Sauron, has decided to take over the world. So we have to fight back, of course. And we need all the help we can get," Gandalf shrugged his shoulders.
"Help from the King of the Hallmark?" Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
"Like I said, we need all the help we can get," Gandalf sighed.
"I think I've heard of him.ah yes! King of the Horsy People, no?" Gimli said.
"Gimli, it's more polite to refer to him as King of the Hallmark or King of Rohan. King of the Horsy People doesn't really have a RING to it, you know," Gandalf waved his hand carelessly.
"Wait, so he rules over.Horsy People. What kind of.people are these?" Legolas inquired.
"Oh, Legolas, you silly elf! They're not half horses, half people! They're people who breed horses!" Gandalf said exasperatingly.
"WHAT?! PEOPLE BREED HORSES!?"
"YOU STUPID ELF! THEY DON'T GIVE BIRTH TO HORSES! THEY ARE MASTERS OF HORSES!" Gandalf exploded.
"Oh.I knew that." Legolas's face turned a pretty tomato-ey red. Everyone else rolled their eyes.
"Well, Gandalf, what about Merry and Pippin?" Gimli asked.
"Oh, them. I saw to it that they're already safe," Gandalf said, blowing some dust particles off his nails. Gimli narrowed his eyes.
"So we came ALL the way here, RUNNING, for nothing??"
"Oh no, my dear Gimli, not for nothing. You see, I was going to give up on searching for you all when suddenly I found you all! So.yeah." Gandalf said, trailing off.
"In other words, we came all the way here, running, for nothing." Gimli said blandly.
"Yep," Gandalf sighed.
"How are we getting there? I don't think Rohan's anywhere close by." Aragorn took out his tattered map and peered at it.
"Oh my god, Aragorn's right for once.he CAN read a map." Legolas snitched the map away from Aragorn and shouted in surprise.
"See?" Aragorn puffed his chest out proudly.
"Drop it, Aragorn. Being able to read a map doesn't take much skill," Gandalf said.
"Oh." Aragorn's shoulders slumped.
"Oh yes, we have horses!" Gandalf exclaimed.
"We do?" Legolas looked around, "No, we don't."
"You're right.where'd they go?." Gandalf lifted up some rocks nearby.
"You don't think he meant IMAGINARY horses, do you?" Aragorn whispered to Legolas.
"I DO think he meant imaginary horses.jeezus, you really think you can find a horse up in a tree?" Legolas whispered back as he observed Gandalf poking his staff in a couple trees.
"Oh! Here they are.they're a bit shy." Gandalf poked his stick repeatedly in one tree and three horses fell down to the ground on their hooves.
Everyone else: O_O;;
"Well, I guess you can." Aragorn replied to Legolas.
"A bit shy is an understatement." Gimli said as the horses shrieked and whinnied and hid behind the trees.
"C'mon Telefax.c'mon! You can do it.Air-rod? WHAT are you doing?.Bob?.Where are you?.oh, there you are.C'MON." Gandalf grabbed three reins and pulled the horses into the clearing.
"Those are our horses?" Aragorn said, surprised. The horses were pretty good horses, by the way.
"Yep!" Gandalf said proudly, "This is Telefax. My horse," Gandalf petted the large white horse.
"Telefax? Isn't it that new machine that combines a telephone and a fax machine?" Legolas asked.
"SHH! He doesn't know that." Gandalf petted Telefax.
"Ooo! Ooo! Which one's mine?" Aragorn asked eagerly.
"Bob," Gandalf said simply.
"Bob? Isn't there a better name? You'd want a better name, don't you, Bob?" Aragorn went over to the brown horse and crooned to it.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say Aragorn loves that horse more than he loves Arwen," Legolas said. Gimli nodded.
"Actually, he name isn't ACTUALLY Bob. It's actually Something-that- started-with-an-H-but-I-can't-remember-it-so-I'll-name-him-Bob. STSWAHBICRISINHB for short," Gandalf stated.
"Umm.Bob is fine," Aragorn blinked.
"And so, Air-rod is yours, Legolas," Gandalf handed Air-rod's reins to Legolas.
"Why is his name Air-rod?" Legolas asked as he petted Air-rod's head nervously. Air-rod looked pretty mean.
"I don't know really." Gandalf frowned.
"Sounds like a sport brand-name to me," Gimli spoke up.
"Well, anyway, he's Air-rod and he doesn't respond to anything else, so you better not forget his name. The minute you call him something like Air-rop, he'll kick you," Gandalf said. THUMP! Air-rod just kicked Gandalf, "See.what.I.mean?." Gandalf got up slowly, rubbing his behind. Legolas nodded.
"You want a sugar cube, don't you Bobby? Yes, yes you do!" Aragorn was still crooning to Bob. Bob doesn't look that happy.
"Err.Aragorn?" Legolas said.
"What?" Aragorn snapped his head around.
"Don't do that,"
"Do what?"
"Croon.to your horse."
"I'm not crooning! I'm merely treating him like a human being."
"Your treating him like a baby,"
"I am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too, you filthy human!" Legolas yelled.
"Are not, you pansy elf!" Aragorn retorted.
"I am not PANSY!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too, you naïve elf!"
"Am not, you greasy-haired human!"
"SHUT UP ALREADY! WE'RE LOSING TIME!!!! Let's just go." Gandalf sighed as he mounted Telefax.
"Gandalf?" Gimli tugged on the hem of Gandalf's robe, "What do I ride?"
"Oh.ride on Legolas's horse."
"But HE'S riding it."
"Ride behind him."
"Oh.okay.I don't think he'll like it so much though."
"Oh, don't worry, Air-rod's really stronger than he looks."
"I meant Legolas." Gimli said as he went looking for a rock to sharpen his axe with.
"Oh." Gandalf said, "Say.lookee what I found.a pink video tape."
~What happened to Merry and Pippin~
"Oof! You little people are SO heavy.your giving me a shoulder cramp! That's not good, you know.I could get FIRED from Broadway." the Uruk-Hai holding Pippin dropped him on the floor. Merry dropped to the ground as well.
"Oww.oww.blood in head." Merry tried to focus his eyes.
"What?" Pippin asked.
"Never mind, Pip." Merry shook his head, "I think I'm okay now.where are we?"
"In a forest," offered Pippin.
"I know THAT. I mean specifically.and no, I DON'T think we're in Happy Land," Merry said sharply.
"I know that. I think we're almost there." Pippin said. Merry let out a huge sigh.
"GAHHH! CENTIPEDE!! CENTIPEEEDDEEE!" an Uruk-Hai shrieked sending the rest of the Uruk-Hai into complete chaos as they tried to push past each other, trying to run out of the forest. In 5 minutes, everything was quiet.
"I think they forgot us.should I run after them?" Pippin faced Merry.
"Doofus! We're free now!"
"We are?"
"Errgg.you make me really mad, sometimes, Pip." Merry held in his temper.
"Oh.how?"
"Never mind." Merry's head was starting to hurt again. He leaned against a tree.
"WHO IS LEANING AGAINST ME? Oh, Susy, is it you? I haven't seen you ever since our first date.wait a minute, your not Susy. WHO ARE YOU??" the tree Merry was leaning against opened its eyes and looked down at Merry.
"AHH!!!" Merry and Pippin hid in a nearby bush.
"Hey, calm down. I just wanna know who was leaning against me." Merry raised a timid hand, "Well, that doesn't help. What are your names?"
"M..M...Merry.and." Merry elbowed Pippin.
".Oh! Ow! Merry, that hurt.And Pippin!" Pippin rubbed his side.
"So your names are Merry and OhowmerrythathurtandPippin? I like the second name better. Appropriate length. Merry's too short," the tree said.
"Hey, how come you can talk?" Pippin spoke up.
"Do you think I'm a TREE? I'm an Ent! All ents can talk!" the 'tree' said.
"So an Ent is a talking tree?" Pippin asked.
"NO! We just look like trees," the Ent said, "You may call me TreeMoustache."
"Oh.okay!" Pippin said.
"Come! You two must be hungry," TreeMoustache said, picking up the two of them and striding along towards his tree grove.
"Do you have any mushrooms?" Pippin tapped TreeMoustache's head.
"What? What are mushrooms? No, we don't have them.whatever they are."
"Mushrooms are the BEST! Mushrooms are kinda umbrella-shaped. They're a fungus, do you know? Fungus is a section of the animal kingdom, also called." Pippin rambled.
"Great.I shoulda warned you, TreeMoustache. He can never stop talking." Merry shook his head.
"Here, watch me." TreeMoustache said, "Oy! STOP TALKING OR I'LL EAT YOU!" Pippin immediately shut his mouth, "See? Easy to do."
"Oh, wow.I think you're my new hero." Merry watched the silent Pippin in awe. TreeMoustache grinned.
~On their way to the King of the Hallmark~
DaRum! DaRum! DaRum! The horses were galloping along nicely.
"I think I'm getting seasick." Gimli clutched Legolas's waist even tighter.
"GIMLI! I CAN'T BREATHE!" Legolas gasped.
"Oh.sorry." Gimli reluctantly let his grip get looser.
"Heehee! I have my own horse." Aragorn said, sticking his tongue out at Legolas.
"Shut up, you grimy plague," Legolas hissed.
"YOU shut up, you poncy git!"
"YOU shut up, you unclean mortal!"
"Girly elf! Girly elf! Girly elf!" Aragorn taunted.
"OH, I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!" Legolas reached for his bow and arrows.
"Yeah, right!"
"WANNA STAY AND FIND OUT?" And so, they bickered for the rest of the journey while Gandalf didn't hear a thing as he wisely brought orange earplugs.
~At the Golden Hall, where the King of the Hallmark is~
"INTRUDERS!" a guard yelled up seeing Gandalf, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli ride up to the Golden Hall, "HALT!!"
"Hey, we're not harming anyone and we certainly are NOT intruders. See? The king's own horse," Gandalf hopped off Telefax and brought him forward.
"I thought it was Gandalf's." Legolas frowned.
"*gasp* DOES THIS MEAN BOB ISN'T MINE?" Aragorn hugged Bob protectively. Bob started whinny-coughing violently as Aragorn hugged him very tightly. The guard pushed off Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli and led the horses away. The guards motioned for them to take off their weapons.
"WHAT?! WE HAVE TO TAKE OFF OUR CLOTHES?" Legolas screeched.
"NO! Our weapons, you dumbass!" Aragorn hissed as he reluctantly handed over his butter knife.
"Then what are you handing over Anduril for?" Legolas snickered.
"IT'S A WEAPON!" Aragorn yelled. Finally, half an hour later, after everything quieted down, all the weapons were handed over. Save Mr. Staff. The guards thought it was just a stick..but they were wrong.heehee.
"Hail King of the Hallmark!" Gandalf motioned for the others to say the same thing.
"Hail King of the Hallmark!" the others said.
"What? Hail?" the king was seated at the opposite end of the hall on a huge throne.
"No, we are honoring your.majesty." Gandalf said.
"Oh.well, then.would you all like some holiday cards?" the king said.
"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!" a pale man seated by the king said, "He's the one who didn't pay the tax for those birthday cards he bought from you!" The king squinted.
"AHH! IT'S GANDALF! IT'S YOU!" the king scowled at Gandalf.
"Umm.yeah.hello." Gandalf waved.
"Wait, shut up Gandalf. Did you say you have holiday cards?" Aragorn said. The king brightened a bit and nodded, "I need an anniversary card.and quick!"
"Okay! $3000," the king announced.
"WHAT?! FOR ONE CARD?" Aragorn screamed.
"That isn't much.or so Grima says." the king shrugged.
"You crazy lunatic."Aragorn lunged at Grima but Legolas held him by his collar. The king started weeping.
"I'm losing business! Hallmark isn't making ANY money and no one buys my cards."
"Maybe if you lowered the prices and got rid of the tax, more people would buy it." Gandalf suggested.like an adult suggesting that if his child stays away from the fire, he wouldn't get burned.
"You really think so?" the king sniffled.
"Yep," Gandalf smiled.
"Oh, thank you!!" the king grinned and walked over to Gandalf, "How can I ever repay you?" Gandalf backed away from the hug the king was going to give him. Aragorn and Legolas snickered.
"Umm.you could help us fight the Dark Lord." Gandalf said.
"ALRITE!" the king said, marching right out the door and grabbing his sword. The guards at the door looked shocked.
"Umm.King of the Hallmark?.Theoden?.You're gonna-" Gandalf started. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"OW! Bloody stairs."
********************************************************
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Nope. Own nothing. Well.I might have 50 cents.
Btw~ So many reviews.I love you all!!! *sniff*
Reviewer #something: I thought we weren't going to review again. Reviewer #something2: We weren't. Reviewer #something: So why are we here? Reviewer #something2: Because the author is in dire need of Kleenex.
Btw some more~ I know the evil pink video tape didn't show up last chapter, but hey! Evil things bide their time..heeheehee..mwahahahaaaaa..
I promised to give a warning. Here it is. And you had better read it cuz I reeaaaally don't want to be blamed for giving out TTT spoilers. Unless, of course, you already read the book. Well, then, if you have, keep going and skip the warning!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!
Ok. Now you know that this is a warning. TTT SPOILER WARNING!!!
For those who are deprived, spoilers mean HINTS. BIGGER THAN HINTS. Spoilers tell you everything you want to know except that you DIDN'T want to know at that exact moment.
Did that confuse you?
******************************************************** [They're on their way to see THE KING OF THE HALLMARK!]
"The who?" Legolas asked.
"The King of the Hallmark!" Gandalf proclaimed.
".And who is he?" Legolas asked again.
"Otherwise known as the King of Rohan, but he's better known as the King of the Hallmark,"
"Why are we going to visit him? I still haven't got my Advil back yet, you know!" Legolas put his hands on his hips.
"I know! I know! But see, the Dark Lord, Marilyn Manson.err, I mean, Sauron, has decided to take over the world. So we have to fight back, of course. And we need all the help we can get," Gandalf shrugged his shoulders.
"Help from the King of the Hallmark?" Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
"Like I said, we need all the help we can get," Gandalf sighed.
"I think I've heard of him.ah yes! King of the Horsy People, no?" Gimli said.
"Gimli, it's more polite to refer to him as King of the Hallmark or King of Rohan. King of the Horsy People doesn't really have a RING to it, you know," Gandalf waved his hand carelessly.
"Wait, so he rules over.Horsy People. What kind of.people are these?" Legolas inquired.
"Oh, Legolas, you silly elf! They're not half horses, half people! They're people who breed horses!" Gandalf said exasperatingly.
"WHAT?! PEOPLE BREED HORSES!?"
"YOU STUPID ELF! THEY DON'T GIVE BIRTH TO HORSES! THEY ARE MASTERS OF HORSES!" Gandalf exploded.
"Oh.I knew that." Legolas's face turned a pretty tomato-ey red. Everyone else rolled their eyes.
"Well, Gandalf, what about Merry and Pippin?" Gimli asked.
"Oh, them. I saw to it that they're already safe," Gandalf said, blowing some dust particles off his nails. Gimli narrowed his eyes.
"So we came ALL the way here, RUNNING, for nothing??"
"Oh no, my dear Gimli, not for nothing. You see, I was going to give up on searching for you all when suddenly I found you all! So.yeah." Gandalf said, trailing off.
"In other words, we came all the way here, running, for nothing." Gimli said blandly.
"Yep," Gandalf sighed.
"How are we getting there? I don't think Rohan's anywhere close by." Aragorn took out his tattered map and peered at it.
"Oh my god, Aragorn's right for once.he CAN read a map." Legolas snitched the map away from Aragorn and shouted in surprise.
"See?" Aragorn puffed his chest out proudly.
"Drop it, Aragorn. Being able to read a map doesn't take much skill," Gandalf said.
"Oh." Aragorn's shoulders slumped.
"Oh yes, we have horses!" Gandalf exclaimed.
"We do?" Legolas looked around, "No, we don't."
"You're right.where'd they go?." Gandalf lifted up some rocks nearby.
"You don't think he meant IMAGINARY horses, do you?" Aragorn whispered to Legolas.
"I DO think he meant imaginary horses.jeezus, you really think you can find a horse up in a tree?" Legolas whispered back as he observed Gandalf poking his staff in a couple trees.
"Oh! Here they are.they're a bit shy." Gandalf poked his stick repeatedly in one tree and three horses fell down to the ground on their hooves.
Everyone else: O_O;;
"Well, I guess you can." Aragorn replied to Legolas.
"A bit shy is an understatement." Gimli said as the horses shrieked and whinnied and hid behind the trees.
"C'mon Telefax.c'mon! You can do it.Air-rod? WHAT are you doing?.Bob?.Where are you?.oh, there you are.C'MON." Gandalf grabbed three reins and pulled the horses into the clearing.
"Those are our horses?" Aragorn said, surprised. The horses were pretty good horses, by the way.
"Yep!" Gandalf said proudly, "This is Telefax. My horse," Gandalf petted the large white horse.
"Telefax? Isn't it that new machine that combines a telephone and a fax machine?" Legolas asked.
"SHH! He doesn't know that." Gandalf petted Telefax.
"Ooo! Ooo! Which one's mine?" Aragorn asked eagerly.
"Bob," Gandalf said simply.
"Bob? Isn't there a better name? You'd want a better name, don't you, Bob?" Aragorn went over to the brown horse and crooned to it.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say Aragorn loves that horse more than he loves Arwen," Legolas said. Gimli nodded.
"Actually, he name isn't ACTUALLY Bob. It's actually Something-that- started-with-an-H-but-I-can't-remember-it-so-I'll-name-him-Bob. STSWAHBICRISINHB for short," Gandalf stated.
"Umm.Bob is fine," Aragorn blinked.
"And so, Air-rod is yours, Legolas," Gandalf handed Air-rod's reins to Legolas.
"Why is his name Air-rod?" Legolas asked as he petted Air-rod's head nervously. Air-rod looked pretty mean.
"I don't know really." Gandalf frowned.
"Sounds like a sport brand-name to me," Gimli spoke up.
"Well, anyway, he's Air-rod and he doesn't respond to anything else, so you better not forget his name. The minute you call him something like Air-rop, he'll kick you," Gandalf said. THUMP! Air-rod just kicked Gandalf, "See.what.I.mean?." Gandalf got up slowly, rubbing his behind. Legolas nodded.
"You want a sugar cube, don't you Bobby? Yes, yes you do!" Aragorn was still crooning to Bob. Bob doesn't look that happy.
"Err.Aragorn?" Legolas said.
"What?" Aragorn snapped his head around.
"Don't do that,"
"Do what?"
"Croon.to your horse."
"I'm not crooning! I'm merely treating him like a human being."
"Your treating him like a baby,"
"I am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too, you filthy human!" Legolas yelled.
"Are not, you pansy elf!" Aragorn retorted.
"I am not PANSY!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too, you naïve elf!"
"Am not, you greasy-haired human!"
"SHUT UP ALREADY! WE'RE LOSING TIME!!!! Let's just go." Gandalf sighed as he mounted Telefax.
"Gandalf?" Gimli tugged on the hem of Gandalf's robe, "What do I ride?"
"Oh.ride on Legolas's horse."
"But HE'S riding it."
"Ride behind him."
"Oh.okay.I don't think he'll like it so much though."
"Oh, don't worry, Air-rod's really stronger than he looks."
"I meant Legolas." Gimli said as he went looking for a rock to sharpen his axe with.
"Oh." Gandalf said, "Say.lookee what I found.a pink video tape."
~What happened to Merry and Pippin~
"Oof! You little people are SO heavy.your giving me a shoulder cramp! That's not good, you know.I could get FIRED from Broadway." the Uruk-Hai holding Pippin dropped him on the floor. Merry dropped to the ground as well.
"Oww.oww.blood in head." Merry tried to focus his eyes.
"What?" Pippin asked.
"Never mind, Pip." Merry shook his head, "I think I'm okay now.where are we?"
"In a forest," offered Pippin.
"I know THAT. I mean specifically.and no, I DON'T think we're in Happy Land," Merry said sharply.
"I know that. I think we're almost there." Pippin said. Merry let out a huge sigh.
"GAHHH! CENTIPEDE!! CENTIPEEEDDEEE!" an Uruk-Hai shrieked sending the rest of the Uruk-Hai into complete chaos as they tried to push past each other, trying to run out of the forest. In 5 minutes, everything was quiet.
"I think they forgot us.should I run after them?" Pippin faced Merry.
"Doofus! We're free now!"
"We are?"
"Errgg.you make me really mad, sometimes, Pip." Merry held in his temper.
"Oh.how?"
"Never mind." Merry's head was starting to hurt again. He leaned against a tree.
"WHO IS LEANING AGAINST ME? Oh, Susy, is it you? I haven't seen you ever since our first date.wait a minute, your not Susy. WHO ARE YOU??" the tree Merry was leaning against opened its eyes and looked down at Merry.
"AHH!!!" Merry and Pippin hid in a nearby bush.
"Hey, calm down. I just wanna know who was leaning against me." Merry raised a timid hand, "Well, that doesn't help. What are your names?"
"M..M...Merry.and." Merry elbowed Pippin.
".Oh! Ow! Merry, that hurt.And Pippin!" Pippin rubbed his side.
"So your names are Merry and OhowmerrythathurtandPippin? I like the second name better. Appropriate length. Merry's too short," the tree said.
"Hey, how come you can talk?" Pippin spoke up.
"Do you think I'm a TREE? I'm an Ent! All ents can talk!" the 'tree' said.
"So an Ent is a talking tree?" Pippin asked.
"NO! We just look like trees," the Ent said, "You may call me TreeMoustache."
"Oh.okay!" Pippin said.
"Come! You two must be hungry," TreeMoustache said, picking up the two of them and striding along towards his tree grove.
"Do you have any mushrooms?" Pippin tapped TreeMoustache's head.
"What? What are mushrooms? No, we don't have them.whatever they are."
"Mushrooms are the BEST! Mushrooms are kinda umbrella-shaped. They're a fungus, do you know? Fungus is a section of the animal kingdom, also called." Pippin rambled.
"Great.I shoulda warned you, TreeMoustache. He can never stop talking." Merry shook his head.
"Here, watch me." TreeMoustache said, "Oy! STOP TALKING OR I'LL EAT YOU!" Pippin immediately shut his mouth, "See? Easy to do."
"Oh, wow.I think you're my new hero." Merry watched the silent Pippin in awe. TreeMoustache grinned.
~On their way to the King of the Hallmark~
DaRum! DaRum! DaRum! The horses were galloping along nicely.
"I think I'm getting seasick." Gimli clutched Legolas's waist even tighter.
"GIMLI! I CAN'T BREATHE!" Legolas gasped.
"Oh.sorry." Gimli reluctantly let his grip get looser.
"Heehee! I have my own horse." Aragorn said, sticking his tongue out at Legolas.
"Shut up, you grimy plague," Legolas hissed.
"YOU shut up, you poncy git!"
"YOU shut up, you unclean mortal!"
"Girly elf! Girly elf! Girly elf!" Aragorn taunted.
"OH, I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!" Legolas reached for his bow and arrows.
"Yeah, right!"
"WANNA STAY AND FIND OUT?" And so, they bickered for the rest of the journey while Gandalf didn't hear a thing as he wisely brought orange earplugs.
~At the Golden Hall, where the King of the Hallmark is~
"INTRUDERS!" a guard yelled up seeing Gandalf, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli ride up to the Golden Hall, "HALT!!"
"Hey, we're not harming anyone and we certainly are NOT intruders. See? The king's own horse," Gandalf hopped off Telefax and brought him forward.
"I thought it was Gandalf's." Legolas frowned.
"*gasp* DOES THIS MEAN BOB ISN'T MINE?" Aragorn hugged Bob protectively. Bob started whinny-coughing violently as Aragorn hugged him very tightly. The guard pushed off Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli and led the horses away. The guards motioned for them to take off their weapons.
"WHAT?! WE HAVE TO TAKE OFF OUR CLOTHES?" Legolas screeched.
"NO! Our weapons, you dumbass!" Aragorn hissed as he reluctantly handed over his butter knife.
"Then what are you handing over Anduril for?" Legolas snickered.
"IT'S A WEAPON!" Aragorn yelled. Finally, half an hour later, after everything quieted down, all the weapons were handed over. Save Mr. Staff. The guards thought it was just a stick..but they were wrong.heehee.
"Hail King of the Hallmark!" Gandalf motioned for the others to say the same thing.
"Hail King of the Hallmark!" the others said.
"What? Hail?" the king was seated at the opposite end of the hall on a huge throne.
"No, we are honoring your.majesty." Gandalf said.
"Oh.well, then.would you all like some holiday cards?" the king said.
"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!" a pale man seated by the king said, "He's the one who didn't pay the tax for those birthday cards he bought from you!" The king squinted.
"AHH! IT'S GANDALF! IT'S YOU!" the king scowled at Gandalf.
"Umm.yeah.hello." Gandalf waved.
"Wait, shut up Gandalf. Did you say you have holiday cards?" Aragorn said. The king brightened a bit and nodded, "I need an anniversary card.and quick!"
"Okay! $3000," the king announced.
"WHAT?! FOR ONE CARD?" Aragorn screamed.
"That isn't much.or so Grima says." the king shrugged.
"You crazy lunatic."Aragorn lunged at Grima but Legolas held him by his collar. The king started weeping.
"I'm losing business! Hallmark isn't making ANY money and no one buys my cards."
"Maybe if you lowered the prices and got rid of the tax, more people would buy it." Gandalf suggested.like an adult suggesting that if his child stays away from the fire, he wouldn't get burned.
"You really think so?" the king sniffled.
"Yep," Gandalf smiled.
"Oh, thank you!!" the king grinned and walked over to Gandalf, "How can I ever repay you?" Gandalf backed away from the hug the king was going to give him. Aragorn and Legolas snickered.
"Umm.you could help us fight the Dark Lord." Gandalf said.
"ALRITE!" the king said, marching right out the door and grabbing his sword. The guards at the door looked shocked.
"Umm.King of the Hallmark?.Theoden?.You're gonna-" Gandalf started. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"OW! Bloody stairs."
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