ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.
Btw~ 169 reviews!!!! Wheee!!!! I love you all!!!! I never thought I'd actually get this far.
I promised to give a warning. Here it is. And you had better read it cuz I reeaaaally don't want to be blamed for giving out TTT spoilers. Unless, of course, you already read the book. Well, then, if you have, keep going and skip the warning!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!!
Ok. Now you know that this is a warning. TTT SPOILER WARNING!!!!!
For those who are deprived, spoilers mean HINTS. BIGGER THAN HINTS. Spoilers tell you everything you want to know except that you DIDN'T want to know at that exact moment.
Did that confuse you?
Actually, for this chapter, I don't think you really need a warning.
******************************************************** [Frodo and Sam on their way to.dundundun.MORDORRR! Heehee.]
They were still in the boat.
Going up the river.
Rowing.
Just Sam rowing actually.
Yup.
"Sam?" Frodo asked, still hidden under his cloak, "Are you still there?" (Frodo has this conception-of-a-4-year-old theory that if you cover your eyes, no one can see you.)
"Yes, Frodo." Sam's patience was wearing very very thin as Frodo asked this about 5 gazillion times.
"Can you see Mordor yet?"
"Frodo. We're still ON THE RIVER!"
"Oh.where is Mordor?" Frodo scooted a bit closer to his end of the boat.
"Somewhere in Middle-Earth. Why?"
"I'm hungry."
"What makes you think Sauron's going to invite you to eat dinner with him?"
"No, I wasn't answering the question! I was merely stating a fact."
"Frodo, I'm hungry too, but do you see me complaining?"
"I can't see you at ALL, Sam."
"I meant it figuratively."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"By the way, can you scoot closer to your end of the boat? I feel unbalanced here."
"Unbalanced? Frodo, the boat's just fine."
"No, it isn't! Now, SCOOT!"
"I think you're being just a BIT obsessive, Frodo."
"NO, I'M NOT!!!"
"Suit yourself, but I'm not scooting. I like where I'm sitting."
"Well, I DON'T."
"Yay?"
"So that means MOVE IT!"
"No, no, and no."
"Don't make me come out of here."
"Actually, I'd be happier if you were out of there. I feel like I'm talking to a cloak."
"Fine. Don't make me stay in here."
"I really don't care. I don't mind talking to a cloak."
"You're a poop."
"That hurts, Frodo. That really hurts."
"HA! Sam is a poop! A poop, a poop, a poooooooop!"
"In case you didn't notice the sarcasm."
"Oh."
"I don't think this river's ever going to end."
"It's not? How are you going to get to Mordor then?"
"Dimwit. We're going to land somewhere, then WALK to Mordor. Duh."
"Oh, I forgot that WE were going to Mordor."
"Um.that's kinda why you're ON this boat. This isn't a free scenic ride up the river."
"I know that."
"Sure you do, Frodo. Sure you do."
"But I do!"
"I was kidding, Frodo."
"Do you always have to say my name? I'm the only one you're talking to and I know my own name, thanks."
"It's a habit, Frodo. See? There I go again."
"I noticed."
"I know you noticed, Frodo. You know, you're right. I need to break this habit, Fro-. Errg."
"I'm making you mad, aren't I? Heehee. Go me!"
"No, I'm making myself mad."
"Oh. Damn. Thought I was actually getting somewhere."
"But you aren't."
"I know that."
"I know you know that. I was just pointing out the obvious, Fro-. Damn."
"Haha. You can't break a habit."
"You enjoy this?"
"I'm bored. Give me a break."
"It'd be less boring if you get out from under that cloak and look around you."
"No. It'd be even more boring. All there is is water and trees. At least I see some colorful fuzz in here."
"Just water and trees? These are the elements of life, Fro-. Damn it."
"And your point is?."
"That they are elements of life."
"Somehow I find the elements of life boring."
"Never mind, then.stay under that cloak as long as you want and just don't enjoy the beauty of nature."
"Now you sound like you're an environmentalist. You're scaring me."
"I'm a gardener, Fro-. Damn. That's what I do. I appreciate nature."
"I thought you grew apple trees."
"I do that too."
"Oh.anyway, do you think the others noticed that we're gone?"
"What makes you ask?"
"Can I not have a sudden thought and ask it?"
"What makes you think I know the answer?"
"Nothing. Other than the fact that you're the ONLY ONE I can talk to here."
"That still doesn't mean I know the answer."
"Fine, then. What do you THINK the answer is?"
"I can't THINK an answer. An answer is a definite answer. I would be expressing my opinion. Not answering your question."
"Arggh! I hate you. FINE. What's your OPINION?"
"I have none."
"I hate you even more."
"Love you too, Fro-. Damn it."
"Will you stop saying 'damn it' so much? I'm still a young, innocent, and impressionable hobbit here."
"Frodo? I'm about your age and I don't care."
"What does that have anything to do with young, innocent, and impressionable me?"
"Absolutely nothing. Other than the fact that I can say anything I want to say. If you don't like it, get off the boat."
"But I don't want to."
"Then stop trying to control what I say."
"I'm not TRYING. I'm asking you."
"That's trying, Fro-. Damn it."
"See? There you go again."
"I can't help it."
"Well, help it!"
"But I can't."
"I'M ORDERING YOU TO HELP IT!"
"I could just give one side of the boat a LITTLE nudge and we'd all tip over and fall into the water and drown happily."
"What make you think I'm going to drown HAPPILY?"
"Sarcasm, Fro-. Damn it."
"Swearing's bad for you."
"Why? It prevents me from hitting you."
"I don't know. Bilbo says it's bad."
"Then you have never seen Bilbo drink."
"But I have."
"Not excessively drink."
"Yes, I have."
"Two cups of alcohol is not considered excessive drinking, Fro-. Damn it."
"Oh. I knew that. Are we close to Mordor yet?"
"You like to switch to random subjects a lot, don't you?"
"The voices in my head tell me to."
"Riiiight."
"But they do!"
"You have issues."
"No, I don't. What makes you think I brought any magazines or newspapers with me?"
"I meant mental issues."
"I knew that."
"Sure you did."
"But I-wait. Was that sarcasm?"
"Good job."
"That was sarcasm, too, wasn't it?"
"You deserve the Recognizing-the-obvious-quicker-than-anyone-else award of the year."
"Are you being sarcastic again?"
"Shut up, Fro-. Damn it."
"So ARE we close to Mordor yet?"
"No. We are hundreds of miles away from it."
"Oh. This ring thing is getting heavier. You didn't feed it, did you?"
"Feed it? You can't feed a ring, Fro-. Goddammit."
"You can't feed a ring? I knew that. Goddammit's a very very bad word. Stop saying it."
"Because you're a young, innocent, and impressionable hobbit? No, I don't think so."
"But I am!"
"I meant that because of that, I'm not going to stop saying goddammit, goddammit."
"God might hear you and punish you for saying such bad things."
"We don't have a god. We have GODS."
"We do?"
"Jesus.what world do YOU live in?"
"Middle-Earth. And don't say Jesus! He might punish you too."
"God."
"Now I'm certain he's going to punish you."
"Why? I'm saying his name."
"You're using it in vain."
"What do you expect me to say then?"
"I expect you to ask him for his forgiveness."
"God, I ask you for your forgiveness."
"Not emotional enough."
"GOD, I ASK YOU FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS."
"I said more emotional, not louder."
"I give up."
"He's not going to forgive you then."
"Oh, shut up!"
"You're going to regret it."
"SHUT UP, FRO-. DAMN IT!"
"Am I frustrating you?"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK??"
"That I am."
"GOOD JOB."
"Aha. Sarcasm. Right?"
********************************************************
~My sincere apologies to any Christians who are offended.
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.
Btw~ 169 reviews!!!! Wheee!!!! I love you all!!!! I never thought I'd actually get this far.
I promised to give a warning. Here it is. And you had better read it cuz I reeaaaally don't want to be blamed for giving out TTT spoilers. Unless, of course, you already read the book. Well, then, if you have, keep going and skip the warning!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!!
Ok. Now you know that this is a warning. TTT SPOILER WARNING!!!!!
For those who are deprived, spoilers mean HINTS. BIGGER THAN HINTS. Spoilers tell you everything you want to know except that you DIDN'T want to know at that exact moment.
Did that confuse you?
Actually, for this chapter, I don't think you really need a warning.
******************************************************** [Frodo and Sam on their way to.dundundun.MORDORRR! Heehee.]
They were still in the boat.
Going up the river.
Rowing.
Just Sam rowing actually.
Yup.
"Sam?" Frodo asked, still hidden under his cloak, "Are you still there?" (Frodo has this conception-of-a-4-year-old theory that if you cover your eyes, no one can see you.)
"Yes, Frodo." Sam's patience was wearing very very thin as Frodo asked this about 5 gazillion times.
"Can you see Mordor yet?"
"Frodo. We're still ON THE RIVER!"
"Oh.where is Mordor?" Frodo scooted a bit closer to his end of the boat.
"Somewhere in Middle-Earth. Why?"
"I'm hungry."
"What makes you think Sauron's going to invite you to eat dinner with him?"
"No, I wasn't answering the question! I was merely stating a fact."
"Frodo, I'm hungry too, but do you see me complaining?"
"I can't see you at ALL, Sam."
"I meant it figuratively."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"By the way, can you scoot closer to your end of the boat? I feel unbalanced here."
"Unbalanced? Frodo, the boat's just fine."
"No, it isn't! Now, SCOOT!"
"I think you're being just a BIT obsessive, Frodo."
"NO, I'M NOT!!!"
"Suit yourself, but I'm not scooting. I like where I'm sitting."
"Well, I DON'T."
"Yay?"
"So that means MOVE IT!"
"No, no, and no."
"Don't make me come out of here."
"Actually, I'd be happier if you were out of there. I feel like I'm talking to a cloak."
"Fine. Don't make me stay in here."
"I really don't care. I don't mind talking to a cloak."
"You're a poop."
"That hurts, Frodo. That really hurts."
"HA! Sam is a poop! A poop, a poop, a poooooooop!"
"In case you didn't notice the sarcasm."
"Oh."
"I don't think this river's ever going to end."
"It's not? How are you going to get to Mordor then?"
"Dimwit. We're going to land somewhere, then WALK to Mordor. Duh."
"Oh, I forgot that WE were going to Mordor."
"Um.that's kinda why you're ON this boat. This isn't a free scenic ride up the river."
"I know that."
"Sure you do, Frodo. Sure you do."
"But I do!"
"I was kidding, Frodo."
"Do you always have to say my name? I'm the only one you're talking to and I know my own name, thanks."
"It's a habit, Frodo. See? There I go again."
"I noticed."
"I know you noticed, Frodo. You know, you're right. I need to break this habit, Fro-. Errg."
"I'm making you mad, aren't I? Heehee. Go me!"
"No, I'm making myself mad."
"Oh. Damn. Thought I was actually getting somewhere."
"But you aren't."
"I know that."
"I know you know that. I was just pointing out the obvious, Fro-. Damn."
"Haha. You can't break a habit."
"You enjoy this?"
"I'm bored. Give me a break."
"It'd be less boring if you get out from under that cloak and look around you."
"No. It'd be even more boring. All there is is water and trees. At least I see some colorful fuzz in here."
"Just water and trees? These are the elements of life, Fro-. Damn it."
"And your point is?."
"That they are elements of life."
"Somehow I find the elements of life boring."
"Never mind, then.stay under that cloak as long as you want and just don't enjoy the beauty of nature."
"Now you sound like you're an environmentalist. You're scaring me."
"I'm a gardener, Fro-. Damn. That's what I do. I appreciate nature."
"I thought you grew apple trees."
"I do that too."
"Oh.anyway, do you think the others noticed that we're gone?"
"What makes you ask?"
"Can I not have a sudden thought and ask it?"
"What makes you think I know the answer?"
"Nothing. Other than the fact that you're the ONLY ONE I can talk to here."
"That still doesn't mean I know the answer."
"Fine, then. What do you THINK the answer is?"
"I can't THINK an answer. An answer is a definite answer. I would be expressing my opinion. Not answering your question."
"Arggh! I hate you. FINE. What's your OPINION?"
"I have none."
"I hate you even more."
"Love you too, Fro-. Damn it."
"Will you stop saying 'damn it' so much? I'm still a young, innocent, and impressionable hobbit here."
"Frodo? I'm about your age and I don't care."
"What does that have anything to do with young, innocent, and impressionable me?"
"Absolutely nothing. Other than the fact that I can say anything I want to say. If you don't like it, get off the boat."
"But I don't want to."
"Then stop trying to control what I say."
"I'm not TRYING. I'm asking you."
"That's trying, Fro-. Damn it."
"See? There you go again."
"I can't help it."
"Well, help it!"
"But I can't."
"I'M ORDERING YOU TO HELP IT!"
"I could just give one side of the boat a LITTLE nudge and we'd all tip over and fall into the water and drown happily."
"What make you think I'm going to drown HAPPILY?"
"Sarcasm, Fro-. Damn it."
"Swearing's bad for you."
"Why? It prevents me from hitting you."
"I don't know. Bilbo says it's bad."
"Then you have never seen Bilbo drink."
"But I have."
"Not excessively drink."
"Yes, I have."
"Two cups of alcohol is not considered excessive drinking, Fro-. Damn it."
"Oh. I knew that. Are we close to Mordor yet?"
"You like to switch to random subjects a lot, don't you?"
"The voices in my head tell me to."
"Riiiight."
"But they do!"
"You have issues."
"No, I don't. What makes you think I brought any magazines or newspapers with me?"
"I meant mental issues."
"I knew that."
"Sure you did."
"But I-wait. Was that sarcasm?"
"Good job."
"That was sarcasm, too, wasn't it?"
"You deserve the Recognizing-the-obvious-quicker-than-anyone-else award of the year."
"Are you being sarcastic again?"
"Shut up, Fro-. Damn it."
"So ARE we close to Mordor yet?"
"No. We are hundreds of miles away from it."
"Oh. This ring thing is getting heavier. You didn't feed it, did you?"
"Feed it? You can't feed a ring, Fro-. Goddammit."
"You can't feed a ring? I knew that. Goddammit's a very very bad word. Stop saying it."
"Because you're a young, innocent, and impressionable hobbit? No, I don't think so."
"But I am!"
"I meant that because of that, I'm not going to stop saying goddammit, goddammit."
"God might hear you and punish you for saying such bad things."
"We don't have a god. We have GODS."
"We do?"
"Jesus.what world do YOU live in?"
"Middle-Earth. And don't say Jesus! He might punish you too."
"God."
"Now I'm certain he's going to punish you."
"Why? I'm saying his name."
"You're using it in vain."
"What do you expect me to say then?"
"I expect you to ask him for his forgiveness."
"God, I ask you for your forgiveness."
"Not emotional enough."
"GOD, I ASK YOU FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS."
"I said more emotional, not louder."
"I give up."
"He's not going to forgive you then."
"Oh, shut up!"
"You're going to regret it."
"SHUT UP, FRO-. DAMN IT!"
"Am I frustrating you?"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK??"
"That I am."
"GOOD JOB."
"Aha. Sarcasm. Right?"
********************************************************
~My sincere apologies to any Christians who are offended.