ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.
Btw~ Wow...more reviews...so touched... *sniffle* GaH! Almost 300! *cries* I can't believe it...
I promised to give a warning. Here it is. And you had better read it cuz I reeaaaally don't want to be blamed for giving out TTT spoilers. Unless, of course, you already read the book. Well, then, if you have, keep going and skip the warning!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!!
Ok. Now you know that this is a warning. TTT SPOILER WARNING!!!!!
For those who are deprived, spoilers mean HINTS. BIGGER THAN HINTS. Spoilers tell you everything you want to know except that you DIDN'T want to know at that exact moment.
Did that confuse you?
No warning. Just MORE pure holiday fun! (I'm sorry! I didn't include Frodo and Sam in this one...because the next chapter will be all them! ^_^)
********************************************************
NOTE:
To Danielle: (although I'm not sure if you're up to this chapter yet. ^^;) What made me write this story was that I was reading fanfics here and there seemed to be nothing but either romance or adventure. I thought I might tweak everything a bit and put in a very different story. Don't get me wrong, I love Tolkien and his work. ^_^ I just thought LOTR might need a bit of fun and insaneness. Thank you for reviewing!
And thank you MUCHLY to every one of my other reviewers! You're what makes this story alive! Love you all! (In a friendly way, of course. ^^).
********************************************************
[Whee! Presents!!!]
"Wake up, Aragorn...I'm right here, babe...I'm in a slinky red dress and..." A VERY female voice announced in Aragorn's tent.
"Ooooo! Where?!" Aragorn shot out of bed, then glared at his alarm clock ("...I want you to come right now..."). "That never fails to work..." Aragorn sighed.
"Oooh! Goody! You're awake Aragorn! C'mon! The presents arrived! Santa DOES know where we are! And after that, we can play Monopoly!" Legolas dragged Aragorn out of his tent.
"Or get drunk on eggnog...GAH!! Legolas! I'm only wearing boxers!" A blast of cold air hit Aragorn.
"Oops. Ah, c'mon. It's not that cold anyway," Legolas grinned. He loved showing off the Elven ability of not being able to feel much cold or heat. Aragorn merely glared, then scampered off back to his tent.
"Fine! I'll just open my presents myself!"
"You go do that," Aragorn muttered. Legolas flounced off to the mail tent, skipping on 10-inch deep snow, while the rest of the soldiers plowed their way through, glaring at the poncy Elf. It ended up that ¾ of the presents in the mail tent belonged to Legolas (mainly due to a few hundred faithful rabid fangirls). Aragorn, having finally gotten dressed, gaped at Legolas, who was opening presents at a speed of 50 m/s. He rolled his eyes and looked for his pile.
"One from grandma...she's still alive?...One from Mum..One from Legolas....One from Gimli...Merry...Pippin...Rabid Fangirl #12..Rabid Fangirl #32...bless them...so long it's not floral shampoo again..." Aragorn tore open his presents.
"Hey, Arry! Whadja get?" Legolas was glowing (due to some Natural Shine cream Rabid Fangirl #634 sent him).
"Don't call me Arry! It's bad enough Arwen does it...Umm...I got a yellow and turquoise sweater from grandma..echhh..shampoo from Mum..shampoo from you..shampoo from Gimli..shampoo from Merry..Oh! Look! Something different! Bless you, Pippin..no, wait...it's shampoo...never MIND..shampoo from Rabid Fangirl #12..why must this happen EVERY CHRISTMAS???"
"Because you need to WASH YOUR HAIR! How many times have I told you?" Legolas rolled his eyes while unwrapping another I LOVE LEGOLAS picture frame. He rather enjoyed getting those.
"I'm a RANGER! I'm SUPPOSED to have dirty hair!!"
"You can have dirty hair ANYTIME, except at LEAST wash it once a day!"
"ONCE A DAY?? ARE YOU CRAZY??"
"Well, that's what some Rohan guy told me this morning when I was brushing my teeth with an Oral Spinbrush father sent me...he always knows what I want.."
"An Oral what??"
"An Oral Spinbrush!"
"An Oral WHAT??"
"Arggh! Lemme show you...It's the latest toothbrush on the market..." Legolas dug through his pockets and revealed his toothbrush, tossing it over to Aragorn. "Push the blue round thing!" Aragorn flipped and rotated the Spinbrush, frowning as he did not understand what a toothbrush really was (he hardly uses them, after all...).
"Ok.." Aragorn pushed the blue round thing. WRRRRRR!!!! The brush on the toothbrush began spinning. "AGGHHHH!!! IT'S ALIVE!!!! SAVE ME!!! IT'S GONNA ATTACK ME!!!" The Rohan soldiers' eyes widened and backed up against the mail tent walls, giving a wide berth to Aragorn and his attacking toothbrush.
"Aragorn?" Legolas heard a faint commotion outside his fort of presents. He stood up, knocking a couple boxes out of the way to see. "AHHH! ARAGORN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" He leapt over his presents and snatched up his madly rotating toothbrush. Aragorn was hyperventilating, close to the point of fainting.
"Legolas!! It was ATTACKING me!!!"
"No, it wasn't...it was SPINNING,"
"ATTACKING!"
"SPINNING!"
"ATTACKING!"
"SPINNING!" This debate went on for some time until they started throwing I LOVE LEGOLAS picture frames and yellow and turquoise sweaters at each other. The Rohan soldiers blinked and slowly inched their way out of the mail tent, being careful to snitch a couple of their own gifts and dodge deadly flying Christmas presents. Soon afterwards the mail tent was devoid of everything and everyone except an angry Aragorn, a furious Legolas, and ruined Christmas presents.
"Well, at least I saved my sister's present," Rohan soldier #18 sat down and unwrapped it. An unearthly scream soon erupted from Rohan soldier #18's tent.
It was an I LOVE LEGOLAS picture frame.
+++++++++++++++++++
"Whee! Merry! Lookee! I have PRESENTS!" Pippin exclaimed for joy when an eagle bearing a "Long Distance Postal Eagle Service..TIP ME! I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH!" banner swooped down and dropped off about 12 presents.
"Hey! Some of them are MY presents too!" Merry scampered towards the pile. The eagle eyed the hobbits dangerously. Merry noticed this and poked Pippin.
"Eh?" Pippin was searching through the pile of presents.
"The eagle is...well, mad-looking..."
"Ok,"
"I think he wants us to..do something.."
"Really?" Pippin muttered absentmindedly. The eagle turned so the banner was facing them.
"Ohh! Pippin, do you have money?"
"Oooo! Look, I got a 100 shire coins from Grandma!"
"That's good, Pippin. Brilliant!" Merry grabbed a fistful of the coins and dumped them in the eagle's pouch. The eagle fluffed his feathers happily and took off.
"What did you do that for?!" Pippin looked sadly at the few remaining shire coins.
"If you hadn't noticed, the eagle was going to EAT us if we didn't tip him for sending our presents!"
"Ooohhh...I didn't notice,"
"Doy..." Merry hit his own forehead.
"Well, Merry, whadja get?"
"Hey look! It's a gift from Gimli...I wonder what it is..."
"Open it! Open it!"
"What do you THINK I'm doing?" Merry dug his nails under the gift wrap.
"Opening it!"
"Good job..."
"AHHHH! It's BEER, Merry! We've gone SO long without beer, bless him...how'd he ever give up so much to us though?..." (A faint snicker came from the clouds...).
"Ooooo, BEER!" Stars appeared in Merry's eyes as he dove onto the first can (there ARE cans of beer in Middle Earth, against popular belief...).
A very happy half an hour later...
"Ahh! All da beer gone! Gone, gone, gone! Want more, Merry, want more..." Pippin, looking very cross-eyed, swayed to and fro.
"Eh? I see YOU! Hahahahahaha! Whee! I see TWO OF YOU! Heeheeheehee..." Merry pointed at Pippin. Pippin looked down at himself.
"I see two of me too! HAHAHAHAHAA!"
"SHRUB! LOVELY SHRUB! I LOVE YOU!" Merry stumbled against a berry shrub, stared dazedly at it, and proceeded to hug it.
"No! It's MY SHRUB!" Pippin hugged it too.
"Is NOT!"
"Is TOO!"
"Is NOT!"
"Is TOO!"
"Is NOT!"
"SHUT UP!!! I DON'T BELONG TO EITHER OF YOU!" the shrub yelled in frustration. Pippin and Merry widened their eyes and backed away crookedly from the talking shrub.
"The shrub can TALK!" Pippin whispered to Merry.
"I know!" Both of them paused for a minute at the dangerously swaying shrub. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both of them ran far far away (1/2 a mile being very far to them).
"Ooo, presents! Look! One more can of beer..." the pursuing shrub encountered the pile of presents Pippin and Merry left behind.
A very happy half an hour later...
"LALALALALALAAA! I AM A LOV-E-LY BUNCH OF COCONUTS!" belched from a suspicious-looking shrub...
+++++++++++++++++++
"I'M LAST AGAIN! I STILL HARDLY GOT MENTIONED!" Gimli roared.
"Hey, those people loved your presents," the Mysterious Disembodied Voice (MDV) smirked.
"You SAID I'd get A LOT MORE mentioned if I drank that stupid milk! And I was NOT intending on giving those hobbits MY beer!" Gimli growled, fingering his ax.
"Oh, but that wasn't milk, my dear Gimli," the MDV filed her nails calmly. Gimli blanched.
"W-what was it?"
"It was..dundundun!...Substitute organic liquefied soy beans!" the MDV grinned. "You needed to lose weight anyhow. Air-rod is still being hospitalized for going under too much pressure,"
"But! But! GAHHH!" Gimli proceeded to gag.
"Well, that'll keep him busy for awhile," the MDV shrugged her shoulders and went to set up her plate of hord'eurve. Hopefully, something would go right today.
********************************************************
Will write more soon!
Have a Pippin Christmas!
Merry: HEY! What about me?
Oh, yeah. ^^; Have a Merry Christmas, too!
~randomwriter96
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: ..*sigh* I don't own LOTR..yet.
Btw~ Wow...more reviews...so touched... *sniffle* GaH! Almost 300! *cries* I can't believe it...
I promised to give a warning. Here it is. And you had better read it cuz I reeaaaally don't want to be blamed for giving out TTT spoilers. Unless, of course, you already read the book. Well, then, if you have, keep going and skip the warning!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!!
Ok. Now you know that this is a warning. TTT SPOILER WARNING!!!!!
For those who are deprived, spoilers mean HINTS. BIGGER THAN HINTS. Spoilers tell you everything you want to know except that you DIDN'T want to know at that exact moment.
Did that confuse you?
No warning. Just MORE pure holiday fun! (I'm sorry! I didn't include Frodo and Sam in this one...because the next chapter will be all them! ^_^)
********************************************************
NOTE:
To Danielle: (although I'm not sure if you're up to this chapter yet. ^^;) What made me write this story was that I was reading fanfics here and there seemed to be nothing but either romance or adventure. I thought I might tweak everything a bit and put in a very different story. Don't get me wrong, I love Tolkien and his work. ^_^ I just thought LOTR might need a bit of fun and insaneness. Thank you for reviewing!
And thank you MUCHLY to every one of my other reviewers! You're what makes this story alive! Love you all! (In a friendly way, of course. ^^).
********************************************************
[Whee! Presents!!!]
"Wake up, Aragorn...I'm right here, babe...I'm in a slinky red dress and..." A VERY female voice announced in Aragorn's tent.
"Ooooo! Where?!" Aragorn shot out of bed, then glared at his alarm clock ("...I want you to come right now..."). "That never fails to work..." Aragorn sighed.
"Oooh! Goody! You're awake Aragorn! C'mon! The presents arrived! Santa DOES know where we are! And after that, we can play Monopoly!" Legolas dragged Aragorn out of his tent.
"Or get drunk on eggnog...GAH!! Legolas! I'm only wearing boxers!" A blast of cold air hit Aragorn.
"Oops. Ah, c'mon. It's not that cold anyway," Legolas grinned. He loved showing off the Elven ability of not being able to feel much cold or heat. Aragorn merely glared, then scampered off back to his tent.
"Fine! I'll just open my presents myself!"
"You go do that," Aragorn muttered. Legolas flounced off to the mail tent, skipping on 10-inch deep snow, while the rest of the soldiers plowed their way through, glaring at the poncy Elf. It ended up that ¾ of the presents in the mail tent belonged to Legolas (mainly due to a few hundred faithful rabid fangirls). Aragorn, having finally gotten dressed, gaped at Legolas, who was opening presents at a speed of 50 m/s. He rolled his eyes and looked for his pile.
"One from grandma...she's still alive?...One from Mum..One from Legolas....One from Gimli...Merry...Pippin...Rabid Fangirl #12..Rabid Fangirl #32...bless them...so long it's not floral shampoo again..." Aragorn tore open his presents.
"Hey, Arry! Whadja get?" Legolas was glowing (due to some Natural Shine cream Rabid Fangirl #634 sent him).
"Don't call me Arry! It's bad enough Arwen does it...Umm...I got a yellow and turquoise sweater from grandma..echhh..shampoo from Mum..shampoo from you..shampoo from Gimli..shampoo from Merry..Oh! Look! Something different! Bless you, Pippin..no, wait...it's shampoo...never MIND..shampoo from Rabid Fangirl #12..why must this happen EVERY CHRISTMAS???"
"Because you need to WASH YOUR HAIR! How many times have I told you?" Legolas rolled his eyes while unwrapping another I LOVE LEGOLAS picture frame. He rather enjoyed getting those.
"I'm a RANGER! I'm SUPPOSED to have dirty hair!!"
"You can have dirty hair ANYTIME, except at LEAST wash it once a day!"
"ONCE A DAY?? ARE YOU CRAZY??"
"Well, that's what some Rohan guy told me this morning when I was brushing my teeth with an Oral Spinbrush father sent me...he always knows what I want.."
"An Oral what??"
"An Oral Spinbrush!"
"An Oral WHAT??"
"Arggh! Lemme show you...It's the latest toothbrush on the market..." Legolas dug through his pockets and revealed his toothbrush, tossing it over to Aragorn. "Push the blue round thing!" Aragorn flipped and rotated the Spinbrush, frowning as he did not understand what a toothbrush really was (he hardly uses them, after all...).
"Ok.." Aragorn pushed the blue round thing. WRRRRRR!!!! The brush on the toothbrush began spinning. "AGGHHHH!!! IT'S ALIVE!!!! SAVE ME!!! IT'S GONNA ATTACK ME!!!" The Rohan soldiers' eyes widened and backed up against the mail tent walls, giving a wide berth to Aragorn and his attacking toothbrush.
"Aragorn?" Legolas heard a faint commotion outside his fort of presents. He stood up, knocking a couple boxes out of the way to see. "AHHH! ARAGORN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" He leapt over his presents and snatched up his madly rotating toothbrush. Aragorn was hyperventilating, close to the point of fainting.
"Legolas!! It was ATTACKING me!!!"
"No, it wasn't...it was SPINNING,"
"ATTACKING!"
"SPINNING!"
"ATTACKING!"
"SPINNING!" This debate went on for some time until they started throwing I LOVE LEGOLAS picture frames and yellow and turquoise sweaters at each other. The Rohan soldiers blinked and slowly inched their way out of the mail tent, being careful to snitch a couple of their own gifts and dodge deadly flying Christmas presents. Soon afterwards the mail tent was devoid of everything and everyone except an angry Aragorn, a furious Legolas, and ruined Christmas presents.
"Well, at least I saved my sister's present," Rohan soldier #18 sat down and unwrapped it. An unearthly scream soon erupted from Rohan soldier #18's tent.
It was an I LOVE LEGOLAS picture frame.
+++++++++++++++++++
"Whee! Merry! Lookee! I have PRESENTS!" Pippin exclaimed for joy when an eagle bearing a "Long Distance Postal Eagle Service..TIP ME! I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH!" banner swooped down and dropped off about 12 presents.
"Hey! Some of them are MY presents too!" Merry scampered towards the pile. The eagle eyed the hobbits dangerously. Merry noticed this and poked Pippin.
"Eh?" Pippin was searching through the pile of presents.
"The eagle is...well, mad-looking..."
"Ok,"
"I think he wants us to..do something.."
"Really?" Pippin muttered absentmindedly. The eagle turned so the banner was facing them.
"Ohh! Pippin, do you have money?"
"Oooo! Look, I got a 100 shire coins from Grandma!"
"That's good, Pippin. Brilliant!" Merry grabbed a fistful of the coins and dumped them in the eagle's pouch. The eagle fluffed his feathers happily and took off.
"What did you do that for?!" Pippin looked sadly at the few remaining shire coins.
"If you hadn't noticed, the eagle was going to EAT us if we didn't tip him for sending our presents!"
"Ooohhh...I didn't notice,"
"Doy..." Merry hit his own forehead.
"Well, Merry, whadja get?"
"Hey look! It's a gift from Gimli...I wonder what it is..."
"Open it! Open it!"
"What do you THINK I'm doing?" Merry dug his nails under the gift wrap.
"Opening it!"
"Good job..."
"AHHHH! It's BEER, Merry! We've gone SO long without beer, bless him...how'd he ever give up so much to us though?..." (A faint snicker came from the clouds...).
"Ooooo, BEER!" Stars appeared in Merry's eyes as he dove onto the first can (there ARE cans of beer in Middle Earth, against popular belief...).
A very happy half an hour later...
"Ahh! All da beer gone! Gone, gone, gone! Want more, Merry, want more..." Pippin, looking very cross-eyed, swayed to and fro.
"Eh? I see YOU! Hahahahahaha! Whee! I see TWO OF YOU! Heeheeheehee..." Merry pointed at Pippin. Pippin looked down at himself.
"I see two of me too! HAHAHAHAHAA!"
"SHRUB! LOVELY SHRUB! I LOVE YOU!" Merry stumbled against a berry shrub, stared dazedly at it, and proceeded to hug it.
"No! It's MY SHRUB!" Pippin hugged it too.
"Is NOT!"
"Is TOO!"
"Is NOT!"
"Is TOO!"
"Is NOT!"
"SHUT UP!!! I DON'T BELONG TO EITHER OF YOU!" the shrub yelled in frustration. Pippin and Merry widened their eyes and backed away crookedly from the talking shrub.
"The shrub can TALK!" Pippin whispered to Merry.
"I know!" Both of them paused for a minute at the dangerously swaying shrub. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both of them ran far far away (1/2 a mile being very far to them).
"Ooo, presents! Look! One more can of beer..." the pursuing shrub encountered the pile of presents Pippin and Merry left behind.
A very happy half an hour later...
"LALALALALALAAA! I AM A LOV-E-LY BUNCH OF COCONUTS!" belched from a suspicious-looking shrub...
+++++++++++++++++++
"I'M LAST AGAIN! I STILL HARDLY GOT MENTIONED!" Gimli roared.
"Hey, those people loved your presents," the Mysterious Disembodied Voice (MDV) smirked.
"You SAID I'd get A LOT MORE mentioned if I drank that stupid milk! And I was NOT intending on giving those hobbits MY beer!" Gimli growled, fingering his ax.
"Oh, but that wasn't milk, my dear Gimli," the MDV filed her nails calmly. Gimli blanched.
"W-what was it?"
"It was..dundundun!...Substitute organic liquefied soy beans!" the MDV grinned. "You needed to lose weight anyhow. Air-rod is still being hospitalized for going under too much pressure,"
"But! But! GAHHH!" Gimli proceeded to gag.
"Well, that'll keep him busy for awhile," the MDV shrugged her shoulders and went to set up her plate of hord'eurve. Hopefully, something would go right today.
********************************************************
Will write more soon!
Have a Pippin Christmas!
Merry: HEY! What about me?
Oh, yeah. ^^; Have a Merry Christmas, too!
~randomwriter96