ANTI-DEPRESSANT FUNNESS!!!
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Have nothing. ^^; Therefore, don't sue. Have nothing = have no money. Oo; Unless you absolutely have to have 15 cents...
Btw~ Thank you to those who still review! *hug* ^^; although I don't blame you if you didn't cause if I did, I'd be hypocritical. And the fact that I am a slow updater..
Note: Look below. I have read the warning thing and realized (slow that I am) it was useless and took up way too much space and way too many exclamation marks...much like an overexcited 12-year-old. Oo; That I do not want to be. So I give you the revised warning! Better, eh?
TTT SPOILER WARNING!
(not really in this chapter)
********************************************************
[Gimli! And more Gimli! And then, no more Gimli.]
"Aha. See? I'm a good Disembodied Voice. Here you go. A whole chapter to yourself," the Mysterious Disembodied Voice (MDV) proclaimed, waving a couple sheets of blank paper in Gimli's direction, then muttered, "Ha. Now the Voices-In-My-Head Council can't fire me for neglecting." Gimli grabbed the blank sheets and stared at them.
"What should I say?" He stroked his beard.
"I dunno. I suppose people would read this chapter more if you happened to mention a certain sexy Elf and/or an idiotic Ranger in deathly need of a shower. Or you can talk about yourself. Whatever suits you," the MDV yawned.
"Ahem. Ok, then. I am Gimli. I'm about 128 years old. More or less, anyhow. Umm...my father's name is Gloin, NOT Groin, as Legolas carelessly-" Gimli suddenly stopped as he noticed the ears of lurking fangirls prick up. "LEGOLAS is a dumb blonde. Contrary to popular belief, we are not best friends. We only do that buddy-buddy act for commercial advertising and promotions. Although I suspect he gets paid more, that Elven bastard. Who CARES about good looks and fine conditioning? I have braids too! I hate ships. They make me sick. So do trees. Trees, you see, are only-"
"Gimli?"
"What?"
"No one wants to read about trees,"
"Oh,"
"And those fangirls are just about to murder you," the MDV pointed at the horde of fangirls bearing weapons of mass destruction (aka tomatoes and pointy sticks). The MDV watched as Gimli started running away. Far far away.
"So much for Gimli's chapter...Onto the adventures of Blondie and the Idiotic One," the MDV recycled Gimli's pages and tossed down some more paper.
+++++++++++++++
"Gandalf, are we there yet?" Legolas sighed dejectedly, thumping his forehead onto the back of Air-rod's head. At least riding's more comfortable now that he had a nice cushion under his butt.
"No. It'll be a couple hours or so," Gandalf said, absentmindedly swinging his staff, occasionally whacking Telefax. Either very very tolerant or very very fat, Telefax didn't seem to be affected by the blows.
"HALLELUJAH!!" Legolas's head sprang up and he began to dance the cumbia....well, as well as one can dance the cumbia while sitting on a horse. And Aragorn began to make mime-like random gestures, of which he later said was his version of silently praying to the Valar.
2 hours later...
"Ai! Aragorn! I can ACTUALLY see a black speck! A speck! Thank the Valar, a speck!" Legolas was crying tears of joy. And the Riders of Rohan started joyfully crying. Aragorn, too, was crying, but only because Marsha dumped Jake in his latest read: Marsha and Jake, then Marsha and John, then Marsha and Jim, then back to Marsha and Jake....
This leaves one wondering what on Middle Earth could have possibly published that book with such a horrendous title.
Publisher-of-Books-with-Horrendous-Titles Company: Bwahahahahaha!
...Well, that answers many questions.
2 hours later....
"ARAGORN! I can STILL see the speck! It has gotten slightly bigger! The Valar blesses us today! I shall give kisses to ALL of them! Mwah! Mwah!" Legolas started blowing a lot of kisses into mid-air. At this point, a lot of the fangirls (to put it mildly) began to severely wish they were one of the Valar. Aragorn started kissing the book, elated that Marsha got together with John. The Riders of Rohan are still crying. Their horses are started to get a tad soggy.
2 hours later.....
"The speck is even BIGGER! I LOVE EVERYONE! Even Gimli!!!" Legolas sobbed uncontrollably, flinging himself onto Air-rod's neck. However, Air-rod wasn't even angry. The horse was so happy. Soon, no more will he tread miles in rabbit poop. Aragorn started sobbing too. Apparently, Marsha and John aren't really meant for each other. The Riders of Rohan already created their own waterfall. Their horses are started to get twitchy.
8 hours later....
"WE'RE HERE! WE'RE ALIVE!" Legolas nearly bungee-jumped off Air-rod's back and kissed the icky ground in front of Isengard. Soon, he discovers the taste of mud isn't really good. "Does anyone have mouthwash?...Anyone?..."
The Riders of Rohan gingerly got off their horses (imagine riding for a gazillion hours straight) and waddled into a group and hugged each other and...kept on crying. A lot of them even started writing to their mothers. A scary thought.
Aragorn sighed happily and shut his book. Marsha and Jake are so perfect for each other.
"Oh, we're here already?"
"YES, WE ARE! WE ARE!" Legolas flung his arms around Aragorn (there you go, you slash fans) and hugged him until he turned blue..then purple..
"Nghe..yegh..ack.." Aragorn opened his mouth in an attempt to breathe.
"I'M SO HAPPY!!" Legolas finally let go and flounced off, twirling in delight.
"SOMEONE had too much beer today..." Aragorn massaged his throat.
"Hey, Aragorn!" Legolas yelled from...somewhere.
"What?" Aragorn replied, silently hoping this wasn't another Legolas Hug Attack.
"Come over here!"
"Erm..coming!" Aragorn grabbed a nearby long pointy stick. Just in case. He walked over to the gate of Isengard, where Legolas stood, talking to.... "MERRY! PIPPIN!" Aragorn ran over and hugged the both of them, on the verge of tears. "We thought we lost you to the Urukettes!"
"Nope, still alive!" Pippin grinned while Merry shuddered.
"Never say that horrible word again,"
"Oh, sorry," Aragorn patted Merry's head.
"So, any food or drink around here? Souvenirs, at least?" Legolas looked around him. By some strange, magical powers, Merry and Pippin whipped out a souvenir/food stand and wore identical grins.
"What would you like?" Merry said.
"Water...and...bread.." Legolas stared in amazement. Nothing like this ever happened in the Elf world. Hmm, Elves need to brush up on their magic.
"50 shire coins please," Pippin said, bringing out some bread and water.
"What makes you think I have SHIRE coins?!" Legolas exclaimed. "Let alone MONEY?"
"Well, we need some," Pippin nodded.
"For what?"
"To buy the you-know-what," Merry snuck a glance at Pippin.
"Yeah, to buy the W-E-E-D. Right, Merry?" Pippin winked.
"You know we can spell..." Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
"Pippin, you dolt! It's the ORCS that can't spell! PEOPLE can!"
"And Elves," Legolas raised his index finger.
"And Elves," Merry repeated, letting out an exasperating sigh before rolling his eyes.
"We can! Really!" Legolas said indignantly.
"I wasn't sighing to YOU,"
"Oh, I knew that,"
"C'mon Legolas. We better hurry back to the Riders and Gandalf. Otherwise Gandalf will think we're in search of the fabled Antidepressant Trees of Old...AGAIN.." Aragorn rolled his eyes and marched off.
"Come Hobbits! Surely you want to see Gandalf again. He got some pretty spiffy new robes," Legolas nodded.
"Erm.." Merry started.
"Does he.." Pippin said.
"Still..."
"Have that..."
"Special..."
"Box..."
"Of his...?"
"The scary one?" Pippin whispered, clearly frightened. Legolas frowned. He couldn't recall Gandalf ever bringing it out during the journey (if such a happy term could apply to it), if he still had it.
"Uh, no," Legolas decided. The hobbits both sighed in relief and headed off with Legolas towards-
"GAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Gimli ran in the direction of Legolas and the hobbits. Legolas, with his pretty Elven eyes, shook with horror and what was chasing Gimli.
"RUN, HOBBITS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Legolas sprinted off towards Aragorn and Gandalf, with the hobbits and Gimli hot on his heels. Now he dearly hoped Gandalf still had his Viagra. That may frighten away the horrid horrid fangirls. At least for an hour or two. Enough for them to run away, anyhow. The Valar knows Legolas fangirls don't ever give up...nor get rid of those awful pink "I LOVE LEGOLAS" shirts.
Augh! I think I'm going blind....
********************************************************
So whadja think? ^^; *points subtlely to review button*
randomwriter96
Disclaimer: Own nothing. Have nothing. ^^; Therefore, don't sue. Have nothing = have no money. Oo; Unless you absolutely have to have 15 cents...
Btw~ Thank you to those who still review! *hug* ^^; although I don't blame you if you didn't cause if I did, I'd be hypocritical. And the fact that I am a slow updater..
Note: Look below. I have read the warning thing and realized (slow that I am) it was useless and took up way too much space and way too many exclamation marks...much like an overexcited 12-year-old. Oo; That I do not want to be. So I give you the revised warning! Better, eh?
TTT SPOILER WARNING!
(not really in this chapter)
********************************************************
[Gimli! And more Gimli! And then, no more Gimli.]
"Aha. See? I'm a good Disembodied Voice. Here you go. A whole chapter to yourself," the Mysterious Disembodied Voice (MDV) proclaimed, waving a couple sheets of blank paper in Gimli's direction, then muttered, "Ha. Now the Voices-In-My-Head Council can't fire me for neglecting." Gimli grabbed the blank sheets and stared at them.
"What should I say?" He stroked his beard.
"I dunno. I suppose people would read this chapter more if you happened to mention a certain sexy Elf and/or an idiotic Ranger in deathly need of a shower. Or you can talk about yourself. Whatever suits you," the MDV yawned.
"Ahem. Ok, then. I am Gimli. I'm about 128 years old. More or less, anyhow. Umm...my father's name is Gloin, NOT Groin, as Legolas carelessly-" Gimli suddenly stopped as he noticed the ears of lurking fangirls prick up. "LEGOLAS is a dumb blonde. Contrary to popular belief, we are not best friends. We only do that buddy-buddy act for commercial advertising and promotions. Although I suspect he gets paid more, that Elven bastard. Who CARES about good looks and fine conditioning? I have braids too! I hate ships. They make me sick. So do trees. Trees, you see, are only-"
"Gimli?"
"What?"
"No one wants to read about trees,"
"Oh,"
"And those fangirls are just about to murder you," the MDV pointed at the horde of fangirls bearing weapons of mass destruction (aka tomatoes and pointy sticks). The MDV watched as Gimli started running away. Far far away.
"So much for Gimli's chapter...Onto the adventures of Blondie and the Idiotic One," the MDV recycled Gimli's pages and tossed down some more paper.
+++++++++++++++
"Gandalf, are we there yet?" Legolas sighed dejectedly, thumping his forehead onto the back of Air-rod's head. At least riding's more comfortable now that he had a nice cushion under his butt.
"No. It'll be a couple hours or so," Gandalf said, absentmindedly swinging his staff, occasionally whacking Telefax. Either very very tolerant or very very fat, Telefax didn't seem to be affected by the blows.
"HALLELUJAH!!" Legolas's head sprang up and he began to dance the cumbia....well, as well as one can dance the cumbia while sitting on a horse. And Aragorn began to make mime-like random gestures, of which he later said was his version of silently praying to the Valar.
2 hours later...
"Ai! Aragorn! I can ACTUALLY see a black speck! A speck! Thank the Valar, a speck!" Legolas was crying tears of joy. And the Riders of Rohan started joyfully crying. Aragorn, too, was crying, but only because Marsha dumped Jake in his latest read: Marsha and Jake, then Marsha and John, then Marsha and Jim, then back to Marsha and Jake....
This leaves one wondering what on Middle Earth could have possibly published that book with such a horrendous title.
Publisher-of-Books-with-Horrendous-Titles Company: Bwahahahahaha!
...Well, that answers many questions.
2 hours later....
"ARAGORN! I can STILL see the speck! It has gotten slightly bigger! The Valar blesses us today! I shall give kisses to ALL of them! Mwah! Mwah!" Legolas started blowing a lot of kisses into mid-air. At this point, a lot of the fangirls (to put it mildly) began to severely wish they were one of the Valar. Aragorn started kissing the book, elated that Marsha got together with John. The Riders of Rohan are still crying. Their horses are started to get a tad soggy.
2 hours later.....
"The speck is even BIGGER! I LOVE EVERYONE! Even Gimli!!!" Legolas sobbed uncontrollably, flinging himself onto Air-rod's neck. However, Air-rod wasn't even angry. The horse was so happy. Soon, no more will he tread miles in rabbit poop. Aragorn started sobbing too. Apparently, Marsha and John aren't really meant for each other. The Riders of Rohan already created their own waterfall. Their horses are started to get twitchy.
8 hours later....
"WE'RE HERE! WE'RE ALIVE!" Legolas nearly bungee-jumped off Air-rod's back and kissed the icky ground in front of Isengard. Soon, he discovers the taste of mud isn't really good. "Does anyone have mouthwash?...Anyone?..."
The Riders of Rohan gingerly got off their horses (imagine riding for a gazillion hours straight) and waddled into a group and hugged each other and...kept on crying. A lot of them even started writing to their mothers. A scary thought.
Aragorn sighed happily and shut his book. Marsha and Jake are so perfect for each other.
"Oh, we're here already?"
"YES, WE ARE! WE ARE!" Legolas flung his arms around Aragorn (there you go, you slash fans) and hugged him until he turned blue..then purple..
"Nghe..yegh..ack.." Aragorn opened his mouth in an attempt to breathe.
"I'M SO HAPPY!!" Legolas finally let go and flounced off, twirling in delight.
"SOMEONE had too much beer today..." Aragorn massaged his throat.
"Hey, Aragorn!" Legolas yelled from...somewhere.
"What?" Aragorn replied, silently hoping this wasn't another Legolas Hug Attack.
"Come over here!"
"Erm..coming!" Aragorn grabbed a nearby long pointy stick. Just in case. He walked over to the gate of Isengard, where Legolas stood, talking to.... "MERRY! PIPPIN!" Aragorn ran over and hugged the both of them, on the verge of tears. "We thought we lost you to the Urukettes!"
"Nope, still alive!" Pippin grinned while Merry shuddered.
"Never say that horrible word again,"
"Oh, sorry," Aragorn patted Merry's head.
"So, any food or drink around here? Souvenirs, at least?" Legolas looked around him. By some strange, magical powers, Merry and Pippin whipped out a souvenir/food stand and wore identical grins.
"What would you like?" Merry said.
"Water...and...bread.." Legolas stared in amazement. Nothing like this ever happened in the Elf world. Hmm, Elves need to brush up on their magic.
"50 shire coins please," Pippin said, bringing out some bread and water.
"What makes you think I have SHIRE coins?!" Legolas exclaimed. "Let alone MONEY?"
"Well, we need some," Pippin nodded.
"For what?"
"To buy the you-know-what," Merry snuck a glance at Pippin.
"Yeah, to buy the W-E-E-D. Right, Merry?" Pippin winked.
"You know we can spell..." Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
"Pippin, you dolt! It's the ORCS that can't spell! PEOPLE can!"
"And Elves," Legolas raised his index finger.
"And Elves," Merry repeated, letting out an exasperating sigh before rolling his eyes.
"We can! Really!" Legolas said indignantly.
"I wasn't sighing to YOU,"
"Oh, I knew that,"
"C'mon Legolas. We better hurry back to the Riders and Gandalf. Otherwise Gandalf will think we're in search of the fabled Antidepressant Trees of Old...AGAIN.." Aragorn rolled his eyes and marched off.
"Come Hobbits! Surely you want to see Gandalf again. He got some pretty spiffy new robes," Legolas nodded.
"Erm.." Merry started.
"Does he.." Pippin said.
"Still..."
"Have that..."
"Special..."
"Box..."
"Of his...?"
"The scary one?" Pippin whispered, clearly frightened. Legolas frowned. He couldn't recall Gandalf ever bringing it out during the journey (if such a happy term could apply to it), if he still had it.
"Uh, no," Legolas decided. The hobbits both sighed in relief and headed off with Legolas towards-
"GAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Gimli ran in the direction of Legolas and the hobbits. Legolas, with his pretty Elven eyes, shook with horror and what was chasing Gimli.
"RUN, HOBBITS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Legolas sprinted off towards Aragorn and Gandalf, with the hobbits and Gimli hot on his heels. Now he dearly hoped Gandalf still had his Viagra. That may frighten away the horrid horrid fangirls. At least for an hour or two. Enough for them to run away, anyhow. The Valar knows Legolas fangirls don't ever give up...nor get rid of those awful pink "I LOVE LEGOLAS" shirts.
Augh! I think I'm going blind....
********************************************************
So whadja think? ^^; *points subtlely to review button*